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and kiddushin, meaning holiness. This is because marriage both elevates and provides
the opportunity to sanctify our lives.
Variations of the word Kedusha, the overriding theme permeate and are woven
throughout the ceremony. The blessing over the wine, the Kiddush is recited twice.
When the ring is placed on the finger of the kallah, the bride, the words which officially
mark the point at which the couple is married are pronounced: “At mekudeshet lee…:
You are betrothed unto me,” once again, using the root word kadosh, holy.
In Hebrew, holiness implies distinguishing something by setting it apart and making it
separate. A husband and wife share a unique bond, unlike what they experience with any
one else in the world. But that still does not tell us how to achieve sanctity, and why it is
important.
Margalit, I recall the summer you graduated high school, and had your first job, an
internship on Capitol Hill. You were amazed by how tired you were when you came
home, and how little time and energy you had for anything else. After several days of
this routine of being so exhausted you went to sleep right after dinner, only to wake up
early the next morning, and repeat the cycle all over again you asked me if this was what
it was like to be an adult. You continued, “Because Dad, if being an adult means you get
up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, wake up and repeat the whole thing all over
again, then being a grownup is pointless.”
You are absolutely correct. If this is all there is to being an adult, then it is pointless.
Where is the room for fun, free time, friends or other aspects of life?
This is why the subtle and secret message of the wedding ceremony can be so instructive.
The Kiddush wine, a symbol of joy and happiness is both bitter and sweet, as is life. In
this context, we are told, lo tov heyot adam levado: It is not good for a person to be
alone. Life is better when shared with another. As we say when we lift up the cup of
wine, life’s joys are heightened, its bitterness sweetened and whatever life may hold is
easier to bear because it is shared. It is as if the rabbis suggest that a married couple
should cordon off their own corner of the world and dwell in it.
Shir Hashirim, the love poetry of the Bible, Song of Songs contains famous words often
incorporated into the wedding ceremony. “Anee ledodee, v’dodee lee, I am my beloved’s
as my beloved is mine.” But I prefer to translate it, “I am a friend to my beloved, as my
beloved is a friend to me.” Never stop being friends. It is the foundation of any strong
relationship. The sheva brachot, the seven benedictions speak of the importance of
making each other happy, of sharing joy together, of being loving companions. Be, in the
words of the sheva brachot, reyim ha’ahuviim, loving friends to one another. Enjoy
being together and each other’s company and you will find the happiness and bliss
described in the blessings.