How to Change Your Mind

ALSOBYMichaelPollan

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TheBotanyofDesire

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Carhart-Harris,D.Nutt,P.J.Hellyer,andF.Vaccarino,JournaloftheRoyalSocietyInterface,2014.

LIBRARYOFCONGRESSCATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATIONDATA

Names:Pollan,Michael,1955–author.

Title:Howtochangeyourmind:whatthenewscienceofpsychedelicsteachesusaboutconsciousness,dying,addiction,

depression,andtranscendence/MichaelPollan.

Description:NewYork:PenguinPress,2018.

Identifiers:LCCN2018006190(print)|LCCN2018010396(ebook)|ISBN9780525558941(ebook)|ISBN

9781594204227(hardback)

Subjects:LCSH:Pollan,Michael,1955—Mentalhealth.|Hallucinogenicdrugs—Therapeuticuse.|Psychotherapypatients

—Biography.|BISAC:BIOGRAPHY&AUTOBIOGRAPHY/Science&Technology.|MEDICAL/MentalHealth.

Classification:LCCRM324.8(ebook)|LCCRM324.8.P652018(print)|DDC615.7/883—dc23

LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2018006190

NOTE:Thisbookrelatestheauthor’sinvestigativereportingon,andrelatedself-experimentationwith,psilocybin

mushrooms,thedruglysergicaciddiethylamide(or,asitismorecommonlyknown,LSD),andthedrug5-methoxy-N,N-

dimethyltryptamine(morecommonlyknownas5-MeO-DMTorTheToad).ItisacriminaloffenseintheUnitedStates

andinmanyothercountries,punishablebyimprisonmentand/orfines,tomanufacture,possess,orsupplyLSD,

psilocybinmushrooms,and/orthedrug5-MeO-DMT,exceptinconnectionwithgovernment-sanctionedresearch.You

shouldthereforeunderstandthatthisbookisintendedtoconveytheauthor’sexperiencesandtoprovideanunderstanding

ofthebackgroundandcurrentstateofresearchintothesesubstances.Itisnotintendedtoencourageyoutobreakthelaw

andnoattemptshouldbemadetousethesesubstancesforanypurposeexceptinalegallysanctionedclinicaltrial.The

authorandthepublisherexpresslydisclaimanyliability,loss,orrisk,personalorotherwise,thatisincurredasa

consequence,directlyorindirectly,ofthecontentsofthisbook.

Certainnamesandlocationshavebeenchangedinordertoprotecttheauthorandothers.

Version_1

Formyfather

Thesoulshouldalwaysstandajar.

—EMILYDICKINSON

Contents
AlsobyMichaelPollan
TitlePage
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Prologue:ANewDoor
CHAPTERONE
ARenaissance
CHAPTERTWO
NaturalHistory:Bemushroomed
Coda
CHAPTERTHREE
History:TheFirstWave
PartI:ThePromise
PartII:TheCrack-Up
Coda
CHAPTERFOUR
Travelogue:JourneyingUnderground
TripOne:LSD
TripTwo:Psilocybin
TripThree:5-MeO-DMT(or,TheToad)
CHAPTERFIVE
TheNeuroscience:YourBrainonPsychedelics
CHAPTERSIX
TheTripTreatment:PsychedelicsinPsychotherapy
One:Dying
Two:Addiction

Three:Depression
Coda:GoingtoMeetMyDefaultModeNetwork
Epilogue:InPraiseofNeuralDiversity
Glossary
Acknowledgments
Notes
Bibliography
Index
AbouttheAuthor

PROLOGUE

ANewDoor

MIDWAYTHROUGHthetwentiethcentury,twounusualnewmolecules,

organiccompoundswithastrikingfamilyresemblance,explodedupon

theWest.Intime,theywouldchangethecourseofsocial,political,and

culturalhistory,aswellasthepersonalhistoriesofthemillionsofpeople

whowouldeventuallyintroducethemtotheirbrains.Asithappened,the

arrivalofthesedisruptivechemistriescoincidedwithanotherworld

historicalexplosion—thatoftheatomicbomb.Therewerepeoplewho

comparedthetwoeventsandmademuchofthecosmicsynchronicity.

Extraordinarynewenergieshadbeenloosedupontheworld;things

wouldneverbequitethesame.

Thefirstofthesemoleculeswasanaccidentalinventionofscience.

Lysergicaciddiethylamide,commonlyknownasLSD,wasfirst

synthesizedbyAlbertHofmannin1938,shortlybeforephysicistssplitan

atomofuraniumforthefirsttime.Hofmann,whoworkedfortheSwiss

pharmaceuticalfirmSandoz,hadbeenlookingforadrugtostimulate

circulation,notapsychoactivecompound.Itwasn’tuntilfiveyearslater

whenheaccidentallyingestedaminusculequantityofthenewchemical

thatherealizedhehadcreatedsomethingpowerful,atonceterrifying

andwondrous.

Thesecondmoleculehadbeenaroundforthousandsofyears,though

nooneinthedevelopedworldwasawareofit.Producednotbyachemist

butbyaninconspicuouslittlebrownmushroom,thismolecule,which

wouldcometobeknownaspsilocybin,hadbeenusedbytheindigenous

peoplesofMexicoandCentralAmericaforhundredsofyearsasa

sacrament.CalledteonanácatlbytheAztecs,or“fleshofthegods,”the

mushroomwasbrutallysuppressedbytheRomanCatholicChurchafter

theSpanishconquestanddrivenunderground.In1955,twelveyearsafter

AlbertHofmann’sdiscoveryofLSD,aManhattanbankerandamateur

mycologistnamedR.GordonWassonsampledthemagicmushroomin

thetownofHuautladeJiménezinthesouthernMexicanstateofOaxaca.

Twoyearslater,hepublishedafifteen-pageaccountofthe“mushrooms

thatcausestrangevisions”inLifemagazine,markingthemomentwhen

newsofanewformofconsciousnessfirstreachedthegeneralpublic.(In

1957,knowledgeofLSDwasmostlyconfinedtothecommunityof

researchersandmentalhealthprofessionals.)Peoplewouldnotrealize

themagnitudeofwhathadhappenedforseveralmoreyears,buthistory

intheWesthadshifted.

Theimpactofthesetwomoleculesishardtooverestimate.Theadvent

ofLSDcanbelinkedtotherevolutioninbrainsciencethatbeginsinthe

1950s,whenscientistsdiscoveredtheroleofneurotransmittersinthe

brain.ThatquantitiesofLSDmeasuredinmicrogramscouldproduce

symptomsresemblingpsychosisinspiredbrainscientiststosearchforthe

neurochemicalbasisofmentaldisorderspreviouslybelievedtobe

psychologicalinorigin.Atthesametime,psychedelicsfoundtheirway

intopsychotherapy,wheretheywereusedtotreatavarietyofdisorders,

includingalcoholism,anxiety,anddepression.Formostofthe1950sand

early1960s,manyinthepsychiatricestablishmentregardedLSDand

psilocybinasmiracledrugs.

Thearrivalofthesetwocompoundsisalsolinkedtotheriseofthe

countercultureduringthe1960sand,perhapsespecially,toitsparticular

toneandstyle.Forthefirsttimeinhistory,theyounghadariteof

passagealltheirown:the“acidtrip.”Insteadoffoldingtheyoungintothe

adultworld,asritesofpassagehavealwaysdone,thisonelandedthemin

acountryofthemindfewadultshadanyideaevenexisted.Theeffecton

societywas,toputitmildly,disruptive.

Yetbytheendofthe1960s,thesocialandpoliticalshockwaves

unleashedbythesemoleculesseemedtodissipate.Thedarksideof

psychedelicsbegantoreceivetremendousamountsofpublicity—bad

trips,psychoticbreaks,flashbacks,suicides—andbeginningin1965the

exuberancesurroundingthesenewdrugsgavewaytomoralpanic.As

quicklyasthecultureandthescientificestablishmenthadembraced

psychedelics,theynowturnedsharplyagainstthem.Bytheendofthe

decade,psychedelicdrugs—whichhadbeenlegalinmostplaces—were

outlawedandforcedunderground.Atleastoneofthetwentiethcentury’s

twobombsappearedtohavebeendefused.

Thensomethingunexpectedandtellinghappened.Beginninginthe

1990s,welloutofviewofmostofus,asmallgroupofscientists,

psychotherapists,andso-calledpsychonauts,believingthatsomething

precioushadbeenlostfrombothscienceandculture,resolvedtorecover

it.

Today,afterseveraldecadesofsuppressionandneglect,psychedelics

arehavingarenaissance.Anewgenerationofscientists,manyofthem

inspiredbytheirownpersonalexperienceofthecompounds,aretesting

theirpotentialtohealmentalillnessessuchasdepression,anxiety,

trauma,andaddiction.Otherscientistsareusingpsychedelicsin

conjunctionwithnewbrain-imagingtoolstoexplorethelinksbetween

brainandmind,hopingtounravelsomeofthemysteriesof

consciousness.

Onegoodwaytounderstandacomplexsystemistodisturbitandthen

seewhathappens.Bysmashingatoms,aparticleacceleratorforcesthem

toyieldtheirsecrets.Byadministeringpsychedelicsincarefully

calibrateddoses,neuroscientistscanprofoundlydisturbthenormal

wakingconsciousnessofvolunteers,dissolvingthestructuresoftheself

andoccasioningwhatcanbedescribedasamysticalexperience.While

thisishappening,imagingtoolscanobservethechangesinthebrain’s

activityandpatternsofconnection.Alreadythisworkisyielding

surprisinginsightsintothe“neuralcorrelates”ofthesenseofselfand

spiritualexperience.Thehoary1960splatitudethatpsychedelicsoffered

akeytounderstanding—and“expanding”—consciousnessnolongerlooks

quitesopreposterous.

HowtoChangeYourMindisthestoryofthisrenaissance.Althoughit

didn’tstartoutthatway,itisaverypersonalaswellaspublichistory.

Perhapsthiswasinevitable.EverythingIwaslearningaboutthethird-

personhistoryofpsychedelicresearchmademewanttoexplorethis

novellandscapeofthemindinthefirstpersontoo—toseehowthe

changesinconsciousnessthesemoleculeswroughtactuallyfeelandwhat,

ifanything,theyhadtoteachmeaboutmymindandmightcontributeto

mylife.

•••

THISWAS,FORME,acompletelyunexpectedturnofevents.Thehistoryof

psychedelicsI’vesummarizedhereisnotahistoryIlived.Iwasbornin

1955,halfwaythroughthedecadethatpsychedelicsfirstburstontothe

Americanscene,butitwasn’tuntiltheprospectofturningsixtyhad

driftedintoviewthatIseriouslyconsideredtryingLSDforthefirsttime.

Comingfromababyboomer,thatmightsoundimprobable,adereliction

ofgenerationalduty.ButIwasonlytwelveyearsoldin1967,tooyoungto

havebeenmorethandimlyawareoftheSummerofLoveortheSan

FranciscoAcidTests.Atfourteen,theonlywayIwasgoingtogetto

Woodstockwasifmyparentsdroveme.Muchofthe1960sIexperienced

throughthepagesofTimemagazine.Bythetimetheideaoftryingornot

tryingLSDswamintomyconsciousawareness,ithadalreadycompleted

itsspeedymediaarcfrompsychiatricwonderdrugtocounterculture

sacramenttodestroyerofyoungminds.

Imusthavebeeninjuniorhighschoolwhenascientistreported

(mistakenly,asitturnedout)thatLSDscrambledyourchromosomes;the

entiremedia,aswellasmyhealth-edteacher,madesureweheardall

aboutit.Acoupleofyearslater,thetelevisionpersonalityArtLinkletter

begancampaigningagainstLSD,whichheblamedforthefacthis

daughterhadjumpedoutofanapartmentwindow,killingherself.LSD

supposedlyhadsomethingtodowiththeMansonmurderstoo.Bythe

early1970s,whenIwenttocollege,everythingyouheardaboutLSD

seemedcalculatedtoterrify.Itworkedonme:I’mlessachildofthe

psychedelic1960sthanofthemoralpanicthatpsychedelicsprovoked.

Ialsohadmyownpersonalreasonforsteeringclearofpsychedelics:a

painfullyanxiousadolescencethatleftme(andatleastonepsychiatrist)

doubtingmygriponsanity.BythetimeIgottocollege,Iwasfeeling

sturdier,buttheideaofrollingthementaldicewithapsychedelicdrug

stillseemedlikeabadidea.

Yearslater,inmylatetwentiesandfeelingmoresettled,Ididtry

magicmushroomstwoorthreetimes.AfriendhadgivenmeaMasonjar

fullofdried,gnarlyPsilocybes,andonacoupleofmemorableoccasions

mypartner(nowwife),Judith,andIchokeddowntwoorthreeofthem,

enduredabriefwaveofnausea,andthensailedoffonfourorfive

interestinghoursinthecompanyofeachotherandwhatfeltlikea

wonderfullyitalicizedversionofthefamiliarreality.

Psychedelicaficionadoswouldprobablycategorizewhatwehadasa

low-dose“aestheticexperience,”ratherthanafull-blownego-

disintegratingtrip.Wecertainlydidn’ttakeleaveoftheknownuniverse

orhavewhatanyonewouldcallamysticalexperience.Butitwasreally

interesting.WhatIparticularlyrememberwasthepreternatural

vividnessofthegreensinthewoods,andinparticularthevelvety

chartreusesoftnessoftheferns.Iwasgrippedbyapowerfulcompulsion

tobeoutdoors,undressed,andasfarfromanythingmadeofmetalor

plasticasitwaspossibletoget.Becausewewerealoneinthecountry,

thiswasalldoable.Idon’trecallmuchaboutafollow-uptripona

SaturdayinRiversideParkinManhattanexceptthatitwasconsiderably

lessenjoyableandunselfconscious,withtoomuchtimespentwondering

ifotherpeoplecouldtellthatwewerehigh.

Ididn’tknowitatthetime,butthedifferencebetweenthesetwo

experiencesofthesamedrugdemonstratedsomethingimportant,and

special,aboutpsychedelics:thecriticalinfluenceof“set”and“setting.”

Setisthemind-setorexpectationonebringstotheexperience,and

settingistheenvironmentinwhichittakesplace.Comparedwithother

drugs,psychedelicsseldomaffectpeoplethesamewaytwice,because

theytendtomagnifywhatever’salreadygoingonbothinsideandoutside

one’shead.

Afterthosetwobrieftrips,themushroomjarlivedinthebackofour

pantryforyears,untouched.Thethoughtofgivingoverawholedaytoa

psychedelicexperiencehadcometoseeminconceivable.Wewere

workinglonghoursatnewcareers,andthosevastswathsofunallocated

timethatcollege(orunemployment)affordshadbecomeamemory.Now

another,verydifferentkindofdrugwasavailable,onethatwas

considerablyeasiertoweaveintothefabricofaManhattancareer:

cocaine.Thesnowy-whitepowdermadethewrinkledbrownmushrooms

seemdowdy,unpredictable,andoverlydemanding.Cleaningoutthe

kitchencabinetsoneweekend,westumbledupontheforgottenjarand

tosseditinthetrash,alongwiththeexhaustedspicesandexpired

packagesoffood.

Fast-forwardthreedecades,andIreallywishIhadn’tdonethat.I’d

givealottohaveawholejarofmagicmushroomsnow.I’vebegunto

wonderifperhapstheseremarkablemoleculesmightbewastedonthe

young,thattheymayhavemoretoofferuslaterinlife,afterthecement

ofourmentalhabitsandeverydaybehaviorshasset.CarlJungonce

wrotethatitisnottheyoungbutpeopleinmiddleagewhoneedtohave

an“experienceofthenuminous”tohelpthemnegotiatethesecondhalf

oftheirlives.

BythetimeIarrivedsafelyinmyfifties,lifeseemedtoberunning

alongafewdeepbutcomfortablegrooves:alongandhappymarriage

alongsideanequallylongandgratifyingcareer.Aswedo,Ihaddeveloped

asetoffairlydependablementalalgorithmsfornavigatingwhateverlife

threwatme,whetherathomeoratwork.Whatwasmissingfrommy

life?NothingIcouldthinkof—until,thatis,wordofthenewresearchinto

psychedelicsbegantofinditswaytome,makingmewonderifperhapsI

hadfailedtorecognizethepotentialofthesemoleculesasatoolforboth

understandingthemindand,potentially,changingit.

•••

HEREARETHETHREEDATAPOINTSthatpersuadedmethiswasthecase.

Inthespringof2010,afront-pagestoryappearedintheNewYork

Timesheadlined“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain.”It

reportedthatresearchershadbeengivinglargedosesofpsilocybin—the

activecompoundinmagicmushrooms—toterminalcancerpatientsasa

waytohelpthemdealwiththeir“existentialdistress”attheapproachof

death.

Theseexperiments,whichweretakingplacesimultaneouslyatJohns

Hopkins,UCLA,andNewYorkUniversity,seemednotjustimprobable

butcrazy.Facedwithaterminaldiagnosis,theverylastthingIwould

wanttodoistakeapsychedelicdrug—thatis,surrendercontrolofmy

mindandtheninthatpsychologicallyvulnerablestatestarestraightinto

theabyss.Butmanyofthevolunteersreportedthatoverthecourseofa

singleguidedpsychedelic“journey”theyreconceivedhowtheyviewed

theircancerandtheprospectofdying.Severalofthemsaidtheyhadlost

theirfearofdeathcompletely.Thereasonsofferedforthis

transformationwereintriguingbutalsosomewhatelusive.“Individuals

transcendtheirprimaryidentificationwiththeirbodiesandexperience

ego-freestates,”oneoftheresearcherswasquotedassaying.They

“returnwithanewperspectiveandprofoundacceptance.”

Ifiledthatstoryaway,untilayearortwolater,whenJudithandI

foundourselvesatadinnerpartyatabighouseintheBerkeleyHills,

seatedatalongtablewithadozenorsopeople,whenawomanatthefar

endofthetablebegantalkingaboutheracidtrips.Shelookedtobeabout

myageand,Ilearned,wasaprominentpsychologist.Iwasengrossedina

differentconversationatthetime,butassoonasthephonemesL-S-D

drifteddowntomyendofthetable,Icouldn’thelpbutcupmyear

(literally)andtrytotunein.

Atfirst,Iassumedshewasdredgingupsomewell-polishedanecdote

fromhercollegedays.Notthecase.Itsoonbecameclearthattheacidtrip

inquestionhadtakenplaceonlydaysorweeksbefore,andinfactwas

oneofherfirst.Theassembledeyebrowsrose.Sheandherhusband,a

retiredsoftwareengineer,hadfoundtheoccasionaluseofLSDboth

intellectuallystimulatingandofvaluetotheirwork.Specifically,the

psychologistfeltthatLSDgaveherinsightintohowyoungchildren

perceivetheworld.Kids’perceptionsarenotmediatedbyexpectations

andconventionsinthebeen-there,done-thatwaythatadultperception

is;asadults,sheexplained,ourmindsdon’tsimplytakeintheworldasit

issomuchastheymakeeducatedguessesaboutit.Relyingonthese

guesses,whicharebasedonpastexperience,savesthemindtimeand

energy,aswhen,say,it’stryingtofigureoutwhatthatfractalpatternof

greendotsinitsvisualfieldmightbe.(Theleavesonatree,probably.)

LSDappearstodisablesuchconventionalized,shorthandmodesof

perceptionand,bydoingso,restoresachildlikeimmediacy,andsenseof

wonder,toourexperienceofreality,asifwewereseeingeverythingfor

thefirsttime.(Leaves!)

Ipipeduptoaskifshehadanyplanstowriteabouttheseideas,which

rivetedeveryoneatthetable.ShelaughedandgavemealookthatItook

tosay,Hownaivecanyoube?LSDisaschedule1substance,meaning

thegovernmentregardsitasadrugofabusewithnoacceptedmedical

use.Surelyitwouldbefoolhardyforsomeoneinherpositiontosuggest,

inprint,thatpsychedelicsmighthaveanythingtocontributeto

philosophyorpsychology—thattheymightactuallybeavaluabletoolfor

exploringthemysteriesofhumanconsciousness.Seriousresearchinto

psychedelicshadbeenmoreorlesspurgedfromtheuniversityfiftyyears

ago,soonafterTimothyLeary’sHarvardPsilocybinProjectcrashedand

burnedin1963.NotevenBerkeley,itseemed,wasreadytogothere

again,atleastnotyet.

Thirddatapoint:Thedinnertableconversationjoggedavague

memorythatafewyearsbeforesomebodyhade-mailedmeascientific

paperaboutpsilocybinresearch.Busywithotherthingsatthetime,I

hadn’tevenopenedit,butaquicksearchoftheterm“psilocybin”

instantlyfishedthepaperoutofthevirtualpileofdiscardede-mailonmy

computer.Thepaperhadbeensenttomebyoneofitsco-authors,aman

Ididn’tknowbythenameofBobJesse;perhapshehadreadsomething

I’dwrittenaboutpsychoactiveplantsandthoughtImightbeinterested.

Thearticle,whichwaswrittenbythesameteamatHopkinsthatwas

givingpsilocybintocancerpatients,hadjustbeenpublishedinthe

journalPsychopharmacology.Forapeer-reviewedscientificpaper,it

hadamostunusualtitle:“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type

ExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningand

SpiritualSignificance.”

Nevermindtheword“psilocybin”;itwasthewords“mystical”and

“spiritual”and“meaning”thatleapedoutfromthepagesofa

pharmacologyjournal.Thetitlehintedatanintriguingfrontierof

research,onethatseemedtostraddletwoworldswe’vegrown

accustomedtothinkareirreconcilable:scienceandspirituality.

NowIfellontheHopkinspaper,fascinated.Thirtyvolunteerswho

hadneverbeforeusedpsychedelicshadbeengivenapillcontaining

eitherasyntheticversionofpsilocybinoran“activeplacebo”—

methylphenidate,orRitalin—tofoolthemintothinkingtheyhadreceived

thepsychedelic.Theythenlaydownonacouchwearingeyeshadesand

listeningtomusicthroughheadphones,attendedthewholetimebytwo

therapists.(Theeyeshadesandheadphonesencourageamoreinward-

focusedjourney.)Afteraboutthirtyminutes,extraordinarythingsbegan

tohappeninthemindsofthepeoplewhohadgottenthepsilocybinpill.

Thestudydemonstratedthatahighdoseofpsilocybincouldbeusedto

safelyandreliably“occasion”amysticalexperience—typicallydescribed

asthedissolutionofone’segofollowedbyasenseofmergingwithnature

ortheuniverse.Thismightnotcomeasnewstopeoplewhotake

psychedelicdrugsortotheresearcherswhofirststudiedthembackinthe

1950sand1960s.Butitwasn’tatallobvioustomodernscience,ortome,

in2006,whenthepaperwaspublished.

Whatwasmostremarkableabouttheresultsreportedinthearticleis

thatparticipantsrankedtheirpsilocybinexperienceasoneofthemost

meaningfulintheirlives,comparable“tothebirthofafirstchildordeath

ofaparent.”Two-thirdsoftheparticipantsratedthesessionamongthe

topfive“mostspirituallysignificantexperiences”oftheirlives;one-third

rankeditthemostsignificantsuchexperienceintheirlives.Fourteen

monthslater,theseratingshadslippedonlyslightly.Thevolunteers

reportedsignificantimprovementsintheir“personalwell-being,life

satisfactionandpositivebehaviorchange,”changesthatwereconfirmed

bytheirfamilymembersandfriends.

Thoughnooneknewitatthetime,therenaissanceofpsychedelic

researchnowunderwaybeganinearnestwiththepublicationofthat

paper.Itleddirectlytoaseriesoftrials—atHopkinsandseveralother

universities—usingpsilocybintotreatavarietyofindications,including

anxietyanddepressionincancerpatients,addictiontonicotineand

alcohol,obsessive-compulsivedisorder,depression,andeatingdisorders.

Whatisstrikingaboutthiswholelineofclinicalresearchisthepremise

thatitisnotthepharmacologicaleffectofthedrugitselfbutthekindof

mentalexperienceitoccasions—involvingthetemporarydissolutionof

one’sego—thatmaybethekeytochangingone’smind.

•••

ASSOMEONEnotatallsurehehaseverhadasingle“spirituallysignificant”

experience,muchlessenoughofthemtomakearanking,Ifoundthatthe

2006paperpiquedmycuriositybutalsomyskepticism.Manyofthe

volunteersdescribedbeinggivenaccesstoanalternativereality,a

“beyond”wheretheusualphysicallawsdon’tapplyandvarious

manifestationsofcosmicconsciousnessordivinitypresentthemselvesas

unmistakablyreal.

AllthisIfoundbothalittlehardtotake(couldn’tthisbejustadrug-

inducedhallucination?)andyetatthesametimeintriguing;partofme

wantedittobetrue,whateverexactly“it”was.Thissurprisedme,because

Ihaveneverthoughtofmyselfasaparticularlyspiritual,muchless

mystical,person.Thisispartlyafunctionofworldview,Isuppose,and

partlyofneglect:I’veneverdevotedmuchtimetoexploringspiritual

pathsanddidnothaveareligiousupbringing.Mydefaultperspectiveis

thatofthephilosophicalmaterialist,whobelievesthatmatteristhe

fundamentalsubstanceoftheworldandthephysicallawsitobeysshould

beabletoexplaineverythingthathappens.Istartfromtheassumption

thatnatureisallthatthereisandgravitatetowardscientificexplanations

ofphenomena.Thatsaid,I’malsosensitivetothelimitationsofthe

scientific-materialistperspectiveandbelievethatnature(includingthe

humanmind)stillholdsdeepmysteriestowardwhichsciencecan

sometimesseemarrogantandunjustifiablydismissive.

Wasitpossiblethatasinglepsychedelicexperience—somethingthat

turnedonnothingmorethantheingestionofapillorsquareofblotter

paper—couldputabigdentinsuchaworldview?Shifthowonethought

aboutmortality?Actuallychangeone’smindinenduringways?

Theideatookholdofme.Itwasalittlelikebeingshownadoorina

familiarroom—theroomofyourownmind—thatyouhadsomehow

nevernoticedbeforeandbeingtoldbypeopleyoutrusted(scientists!)

thatawholeotherwayofthinking—ofbeing!—laywaitingontheother

side.Allyouhadtodowasturntheknobandenter.Whowouldn’tbe

curious?Imightnothavebeenlookingtochangemylife,buttheideaof

learningsomethingnewaboutit,andofshiningafreshlightonthisold

world,begantooccupymythoughts.Maybetherewassomething

missingfrommylife,somethingIjusthadn’tnamed.

Now,Ialreadyknewsomethingaboutsuchdoors,havingwritten

aboutpsychoactiveplantsearlierinmycareer.InTheBotanyofDesire,I

exploredatsomelengthwhatIhadbeensurprisedtodiscoverisa

universalhumandesiretochangeconsciousness.Thereisnotaculture

onearth(well,one*)thatdoesn’tmakeuseofcertainplantstochangethe

contentsofthemind,whetherasamatterofhealing,habit,orspiritual

practice.Thatsuchacuriousandseeminglymaladaptivedesireshould

existalongsideourdesiresfornourishmentandbeautyandsex—allof

whichmakemuchmoreobviousevolutionarysense—criedoutforan

explanation.Thesimplestwasthatthesesubstanceshelprelievepainand

boredom.Yetthepowerfulfeelingsandelaboratetaboosandritualsthat

surroundmanyofthesepsychoactivespeciessuggesttheremustbe

somethingmoretoit.

Forourspecies,Ilearned,plantsandfungiwiththepowertoradically

alterconsciousnesshavelongandwidelybeenusedastoolsforhealing

themind,forfacilitatingritesofpassage,andforservingasamediumfor

communicatingwithsupernaturalrealms,orspiritworlds.Theseuses

wereancientandvenerableinagreatmanycultures,butIventuredone

otherapplication:toenrichthecollectiveimagination—theculture—with

thenovelideasandvisionsthataselectfewpeoplebringbackfrom

whereveritistheygo.

•••

NOWTHATIHADDEVELOPEDanintellectualappreciationforthepotential

valueofthesepsychoactivesubstances,youmightthinkIwouldhave

beenmoreeagertotrythem.I’mnotsurewhatIwaswaitingfor:

courage,maybe,ortherightopportunity,whichabusylifelivedmainly

ontherightsideofthelawneverquiteseemedtoafford.ButwhenI

begantoweighthepotentialbenefitsIwashearingaboutagainstthe

risks,Iwassurprisedtolearnthatpsychedelicsarefarmorefrightening

topeoplethantheyaredangerous.Manyofthemostnotoriousperilsare

eitherexaggeratedormythical.Itisvirtuallyimpossibletodiefroman

overdoseofLSDorpsilocybin,forexample,andneitherdrugisaddictive.

Aftertryingthemonce,animalswillnotseekaseconddose,andrepeated

usebypeoplerobsthedrugsoftheireffect.*Itistruethattheterrifying

experiencessomepeoplehaveonpsychedelicscanriskflippingthoseat

riskintopsychosis,sonoonewithafamilyhistoryorpredispositionto

mentalillnessshouldevertakethem.Butemergencyroomadmissions

involvingpsychedelicsareexceedinglyrare,andmanyofthecases

doctorsdiagnoseaspsychoticbreaksturnouttobemerelyshort-lived

panicattacks.

Itisalsothecasethatpeopleonpsychedelicsareliabletodostupid

anddangerousthings:walkoutintotraffic,fallfromhighplaces,and,on

rareoccasions,killthemselves.“Badtrips”areveryrealandcanbeoneof

“themostchallengingexperiencesof[a]lifetime,”accordingtoalarge

surveyofpsychedelicusersaskedabouttheirexperiences.*Butit’s

importanttodistinguishwhatcanhappenwhenthesedrugsareusedin

uncontrolledsituations,withoutattentiontosetandsetting,fromwhat

happensunderclinicalconditions,aftercarefulscreeningandunder

supervision.Sincetherevivalofsanctionedpsychedelicresearch

beginninginthe1990s,nearlyathousandvolunteershavebeendosed,

andnotasingleseriousadverseeventhasbeenreported.

•••

ITWASATTHISPOINTthattheideaof“shakingthesnowglobe,”asone

neuroscientistdescribedthepsychedelicexperience,cametoseemmore

attractivetomethanfrightening,thoughitwasstillthattoo.

Aftermorethanhalfacenturyofitsmoreorlessconstant

companionship,one’sself—thisever-presentvoiceinthehead,this

ceaselesslycommenting,interpreting,labeling,defendingI—becomes

perhapsalittletoofamiliar.I’mnottalkingaboutanythingasdeepas

self-knowledgehere.No,justabouthow,overtime,wetendtooptimize

andconventionalizeourresponsestowhateverlifebrings.Eachofus

developsourshorthandwaysofslottingandprocessingeveryday

experiencesandsolvingproblems,andwhilethisisnodoubtadaptive—it

helpsusgetthejobdonewithaminimumoffuss—eventuallyitbecomes

rote.Itdullsus.Themusclesofattentionatrophy.

Habitsareundeniablyusefultools,relievingusoftheneedtoruna

complexmentaloperationeverytimewe’reconfrontedwithanewtaskor

situation.Yettheyalsorelieveusoftheneedtostayawaketotheworld:

toattend,feel,think,andthenactinadeliberatemanner.(Thatis,from

freedomratherthancompulsion.)Ifyouneedtoberemindedhow

completelymentalhabitblindsustoexperience,justtakeatriptoan

unfamiliarcountry.Suddenlyyouwakeup!Andthealgorithmsof

everydaylifeallbutstartover,asiffromscratch.Thisiswhythevarious

travelmetaphorsforthepsychedelicexperiencearesoapt.

Theefficienciesoftheadultmind,usefulastheyare,blindustothe

presentmoment.We’reconstantlyjumpingaheadtothenextthing.We

approachexperiencemuchasanartificialintelligence(AI)programdoes,

withourbrainscontinuallytranslatingthedataofthepresentintothe

termsofthepast,reachingbackintimefortherelevantexperience,and

thenusingthattomakeitsbestguessastohowtopredictandnavigate

thefuture.

Oneofthethingsthatcommendstravel,art,nature,work,andcertain

drugstousisthewaytheseexperiences,attheirbest,blockeverymental

pathforwardandback,immersingusintheflowofapresentthatis

literallywonderful—wonderbeingtheby-productofpreciselythekindof

unencumberedfirstsight,orvirginalnoticing,towhichtheadultbrain

hascloseditself.(It’ssoinefficient!)Alas,mostofthetimeIinhabita

near-futuretense,mypsychicthermostatsettoalowsimmerof

anticipationand,toooften,worry.ThegoodthingisI’mseldom

surprised.ThebadthingisI’mseldomsurprised.

WhatIamstrugglingtodescribehereiswhatIthinkofasmydefault

modeofconsciousness.Itworkswellenough,certainlygetsthejobdone,

butwhatifitisn’ttheonly,ornecessarilythebest,waytogothroughlife?

Thepremiseofpsychedelicresearchisthatthisspecialgroupof

moleculescangiveusaccesstoothermodesofconsciousnessthatmight

offerusspecificbenefits,whethertherapeutic,spiritual,orcreative.

Psychedelicsarecertainlynottheonlydoortotheseotherformsof

consciousness—andIexploresomenon-pharmacologicalalternativesin

thesepages—buttheydoseemtobeoneoftheeasierknobstotakehold

ofandturn.

Thewholeideaofexpandingourrepertoireofconsciousstatesisnot

anentirelynewidea:HinduismandBuddhismaresteepedinit,and

thereareintriguingprecedentseveninWesternscience.WilliamJames,

thepioneeringAmericanpsychologistandauthorofTheVarietiesof

ReligiousExperience,venturedintotheserealmsmorethanacentury

ago.Hereturnedwiththeconvictionthatoureverydaywaking

consciousness“isbutonespecialtypeofconsciousness,whilstallabout

it,partedfromitbythefilmiestofscreens,thereliepotentialformsof

consciousnessentirelydifferent.”

Jamesisspeaking,Irealized,oftheunopeneddoorinourminds.For

him,the“touch”thatcouldthrowopenthedooranddisclosethese

realmsontheothersidewasnitrousoxide.(Mescaline,thepsychedelic

compoundderivedfromthepeyotecactus,wasavailabletoresearchersat

thetime,butJameswasapparentlytoofearfultotryit.)

“Noaccountoftheuniverseinitstotalitycanbefinalwhichleaves

theseotherformsofconsciousnessquitedisregarded.

“Atanyrate,”Jamesconcluded,theseotherstates,theexistenceof

whichhebelievedwasasrealastheinkonthispage,“forbidapremature

closingofouraccountswithreality.”

ThefirsttimeIreadthatsentence,IrealizedJameshadmynumber:

asastaunchmaterialist,andasanadultofacertainage,Ihadpretty

muchclosedmyaccountswithreality.Perhapsthishadbeenpremature.

Well,herewasaninvitationtoreopenthem.

•••

IFEVERYDAYWAKINGCONSCIOUSNESSisbutoneofseveralpossiblewaysto

constructaworld,thenperhapsthereisvalueincultivatingagreater

amountofwhatI’vecometothinkofasneuraldiversity.Withthatin

mind,HowtoChangeYourMindapproachesitssubjectfromseveral

differentperspectives,employingseveraldifferentnarrativemodes:

socialandscientifichistory;naturalhistory;memoir;sciencejournalism;

andcasestudiesofvolunteersandpatients.Inthemiddleofthejourney,

Ialsoofferanaccountofmyownfirsthandresearch(orperhapsIshould

saysearch)intheformofakindofmentaltravelogue.

Intellingthestoryofpsychedelicresearch,pastandpresent,Idonot

attempttobecomprehensive.Thesubjectofpsychedelics,asamatterof

bothscienceandsocialhistory,istoovasttosqueezebetweenthecovers

ofasinglebook.Ratherthantrytointroducereaderstotheentirecastof

charactersresponsibleforthepsychedelicrenaissance,mynarrative

followsasmallnumberofpioneerswhoconstituteaparticularscientific

lineage,withtheinevitableresultthatthecontributionsofmanyothers

havereceivedshortshrift.Alsointheinterestofnarrativecoherence,I’ve

focusedoncertaindrugstotheexclusionofothers.Thereis,forexample,

littlehereaboutMDMA(alsoknownasEcstasy),whichisshowinggreat

promiseinthetreatmentofpost-traumaticstressdisorder.Some

researcherscountMDMAamongthepsychedelics,butmostdonot,andI

followtheirlead.MDMAoperatesthroughadifferentsetofpathwaysin

thebrainandhasasubstantiallydifferentsocialhistoryfromthatofthe

so-calledclassicalpsychedelics.Ofthese,Ifocusprimarilyontheones

thatarereceivingthemostattentionfromscientists—psilocybinandLSD

—whichmeansthatotherpsychedelicsthatareequallyinterestingand

powerfulbutmoredifficulttobringintothelaboratory—suchas

ayahuasca—receivelessattention.

Afinalwordonnomenclature.Theclassofmoleculestowhich

psilocybinandLSD(andmescaline,DMT,andahandfulofothers)

belonghasbeencalledbymanynamesinthedecadessincetheyhave

cometoourattention.Initially,theywerecalledhallucinogens.Butthey

dosomanyotherthings(andinfactfull-blownhallucinationsarefairly

uncommon)thatresearcherssoonwentlookingformorepreciseand

comprehensiveterms,aquestchronicledinchapterthree.Theterm

“psychedelics,”whichIwillmainlyusehere,doeshaveitsdownside.

Embracedinthe1960s,thetermcarriesalotofcounterculturalbaggage.

Hopingtoescapethoseassociationsandunderscorethespiritual

dimensionsofthesedrugs,someresearchershaveproposedtheyinstead

becalled“entheogens”—fromtheGreekfor“thedivinewithin.”This

strikesmeastooemphatic.Despitethe1960strappings,theterm

“psychedelic,”coinedin1956,isetymologicallyaccurate.Drawnfromthe

Greek,itmeanssimply“mindmanifesting,”whichispreciselywhatthese

extraordinarymoleculesholdthepowertodo.

CHAPTERONE

ARenaissance

IFTHESTARTofthemodernrenaissanceofpsychedelicresearchcanbe

datedwithanyprecision,onegoodplacetodoitwouldbetheyear2006.

Notthatthiswasobvioustomanypeopleatthetime.Therewasnolaw

passedorregulationliftedordiscoveryannouncedtomarkthehistorical

shift.Butasthreeunrelatedeventsunfoldedduringthecourseofthat

year—thefirstinBasel,Switzerland,thesecondinWashington,D.C.,and

thethirdinBaltimore,Maryland—sensitiveearscouldmakeoutthe

soundoficebeginningtocrack.

Thefirstevent,whichlookedbackbutalsoforwardlikeakindof

historicalhinge,wasthecentennialofthebirthofAlbertHofmann,the

Swisschemistwho,in1943,accidentallyfoundthathehaddiscovered

(fiveyearsearlier)thepsychoactivemoleculethatcametobeknownas

LSD.Thiswasanunusualcentennialinthatthemanbeingfetedwasvery

muchinattendance.Enteringhissecondcentury,Hofmannappearedin

remarkablygoodshape,physicallyspryandmentallysharp,andhewas

abletotakeanactivepartinthefestivities,whichincludedabirthday

ceremonyfollowedbyathree-daysymposium.Thesymposium’sopening

ceremonywasonJanuary13,twodaysafterHofmann’s100thbirthday

(hewouldlivetobe102).Twothousandpeoplepackedthehallatthe

BaselCongressCenter,risingtoapplaudasastoopedstickofamanina

darksuitandanecktie,barelyfivefeettall,slowlycrossedthestageand

tookhisseat.

Twohundredjournalistsfromaroundtheworldwereinattendance,

alongwithmorethanathousandhealers,seekers,mystics,psychiatrists,

pharmacologists,consciousnessresearchers,andneuroscientists,mostof

thempeoplewhoseliveshadbeenprofoundlyalteredbytheremarkable

moleculethatthismanhadderivedfromafungushalfacenturybefore.

TheyhadcometocelebratehimandwhathisfriendtheSwisspoetand

physicianWalterVogtcalled“theonlyjoyousinventionofthetwentieth

century.”Amongthepeopleinthehall,thisdidnotqualifyashyperbole.

AccordingtooneoftheAmericanscientistsinattendance,manyhad

come“toworship”AlbertHofmann,andindeedtheeventboremanyof

thehallmarksofareligiousobservance.

AlthoughvirtuallyeverypersoninthathallknewthestoryofLSD’s

discoverybyheart,Hofmannwasaskedtorecitethecreationmythone

moretime.(Hetellsthestory,memorably,inhis1979memoir,LSD,My

ProblemChild.)AsayoungchemistworkinginaunitofSandoz

Laboratorieschargedwithisolatingthecompoundsinmedicinalplantsto

findnewdrugs,Hofmannhadbeentaskedwithsynthesizing,onebyone,

themoleculesinthealkaloidsproducedbyergot.Ergotisafungusthat

caninfectgrain,oftenrye,occasionallycausingthosewhoconsumebread

madefromittoappearmadorpossessed.(OnetheoryoftheSalemwitch

trialsblamesergotpoisoningforthebehaviorofthewomenaccused.)But

midwiveshadlongusedergottoinducelaborandstanchbleeding

postpartum,soSandozwashopingtoisolateamarketabledrugfromthe

fungus’salkaloids.Inthefallof1938,Hofmannmadethetwenty-fifth

moleculeinthisseries,namingitlysergicaciddiethylamide,orLSD-25

forshort.Preliminarytestingofthecompoundonanimalsdidnotshow

muchpromise(theybecamerestless,butthatwasaboutit),sothe

formulaforLSD-25wasputontheshelf.

Andthereitremainedforfiveyears,untiloneAprildayin1943,inthe

middleofthewar,whenHofmannhad“apeculiarpresentiment”that

LSD-25deservedasecondlook.Herehisaccounttakesaslightlymystical

turn.Normally,whenacompoundshowingnopromisewasdiscarded,he

explained,itwasdiscardedforgood.ButHofmann“likedthechemical

structureoftheLSDmolecule,”andsomethingaboutittoldhimthat

“thissubstancecouldpossesspropertiesotherthanthoseestablishedin

thefirstinvestigations.”Anothermysteriousanomalyoccurredwhenhe

synthesizedLSD-25forthesecondtime.Despitethemeticulous

precautionshealwaystookwhenworkingwithasubstanceastoxicas

ergot,Hofmannmustsomehowhaveabsorbedabitofthechemical

throughhisskin,becausehe“wasinterruptedinmyworkbyunusual

sensations.”

Hofmannwenthome,laydownonacouch,and“inadreamlikestate,

witheyesclosed...Iperceivedanuninterruptedstreamoffantastic

pictures,extraordinaryshapeswithintense,kaleidoscopicplayofcolors.”

Thusunfoldstheworld’sfirstLSDtrip,inneutralSwitzerlandduringthe

darkestdaysofWorldWarII.ItisalsotheonlyLSDtripevertakenthat

wasentirelyinnocentofexpectation.

Intrigued,Hofmanndecidedafewdayslatertoconductanexperiment

onhimself—notanuncommonpracticeatthetime.Proceedingwithwhat

hethoughtwasextremecaution,heingested0.25milligrams—a

milligramisone-thousandthofagram—ofLSDdissolvedinaglassof

water.Thiswouldrepresentaminusculedoseofanyotherdrug,butLSD,

itturnsout,isoneofthemostpotentpsychoactivecompoundsever

discovered,activeatdosesmeasuredinmicrograms—thatis,one

thousandthofamilligram.Thissurprisingfactwouldsooninspire

scientiststolookfor,andeventuallyfind,thebrainreceptorsandthe

endogenouschemical—serotonin—thatactivatesthemlikeakeyinalock,

asawaytoexplainhowsuchasmallnumberofmoleculescouldhave

suchaprofoundeffectonthemind.Inthisandotherways,Hofmann’s

discoveryhelpedtolaunchmodernbrainscienceinthe1950s.

Nowunfoldstheworld’sfirstbadacidtripasHofmannisplungedinto

whatheiscertainisirretrievablemadness.Hetellshislabassistanthe

needstogethome,andwiththeuseofautomobilesrestrictedduring

wartime,hesomehowmanagestopedalhomebybicycleandliedown

whilehisassistantsummonsthedoctor.(TodayLSDdevoteescelebrate

“BicycleDay”eachyearonApril19.)Hofmanndescribeshow“familiar

objectsandpiecesoffurnitureassumedgrotesque,threateningforms.

Theywereincontinuousmotion,animatedasifdrivenbyaninner

restlessness.”Heexperiencedthedisintegrationoftheouterworldand

thedissolutionofhisownego.“Ademonhadinvadedme,hadtaken

possessionofmybody,mind,andsoul.Ijumpedupandscreamed,trying

tofreemyselffromhim,butthensankdownagainandlayhelplessonthe

sofa.”Hofmannbecameconvincedhewasgoingtoberendered

permanentlyinsaneormightactuallybedying.“Myegowassuspended

somewhereinspaceandIsawmybodylyingdeadonthesofa.”Whenthe

doctorarrivedandexaminedhim,however,hefoundthatallof

Hofmann’svitalsigns—heartbeat,bloodpressure,breathing—were

perfectlynormal.Theonlyindicationsomethingwasamisswerehis

pupils,whichweredilatedintheextreme.

Oncetheacuteeffectsworeoff,Hofmannfeltthe“afterglow”that

frequentlyfollowsapsychedelicexperience,theexactoppositeofa

hangover.Whenhewalkedoutintohisgardenafteraspringrain,

“everythingglistenedandsparkledinafreshlight.Theworldwasasif

newlycreated.”We’vesincelearnedthattheexperienceofpsychedelicsis

powerfullyinfluencedbyone’sexpectation;nootherclassofdrugsare

moresuggestibleintheireffects.BecauseHofmann’sexperienceswith

LSDaretheonlyoneswehavethatareuncontaminatedbyprevious

accounts,it’sinterestingtonotetheyexhibitneithertheEasternnorthe

Christianflavoringsthatwouldsoonbecomeconventionsofthegenre.

However,hisexperienceoffamiliarobjectscomingtolifeandtheworld

“asifnewlycreated”—thesamerapturousAdamicmomentthatAldous

HuxleywoulddescribesovividlyadecadelaterinTheDoorsof

Perception—wouldbecomecommonplacesofthepsychedelicexperience.

Hofmanncamebackfromhistripconvinced,first,thatLSDhad

somehowfoundhimratherthantheotherwayaroundand,second,that

LSDwouldsomedaybeofgreatvaluetomedicineandespecially

psychiatry,possiblybyofferingresearchersamodelofschizophrenia.It

neveroccurredtohimthathis“problemchild,”asheeventuallywould

regardLSD,wouldalsobecomea“pleasuredrug”andadrugofabuse.

YetHofmannalsocametoregardtheyouthculture’sadoptionofLSD

inthe1960sasanunderstandableresponsetotheemptinessofwhathe

describedasamaterialist,industrialized,andspirituallyimpoverished

societythathadlostitsconnectiontonature.Thismasterofchemistry—

perhapsthemostmaterialistofalldisciplines—emergedfromhis

experiencewithLSD-25convincedthemoleculeofferedcivilizationnot

onlyapotentialtherapeuticbutalsoaspiritualbalm—byopeningacrack

“intheedificeofmaterialistrationality.”(Inthewordsofhisfriendand

translator,JonathanOtt.)

Likesomanywhofollowedafterhim,thebrilliantchemistbecame

somethingofamystic,preachingagospelofspiritualrenewaland

reconnectionwithnature.Presentedwithabouquetofrosesthat2006

dayinBasel,thescientisttoldtheassembledthat“thefeelingofco-

creaturelinesswithallthingsaliveshouldenterourconsciousnessmore

fullyandcounterbalancethematerialisticandnonsensicaltechnological

developmentsinordertoenableustoreturntotheroses,totheflowers,

tonature,wherewebelong.”Theaudienceeruptedinapplause.

Askepticalwitnesstotheeventwouldnotbeentirelywrongtoregard

thelittlemanonthestageasthefounderofanewreligionandthe

audienceashiscongregation.Butifthisisareligion,it’sonewitha

significantdifference.Typically,onlythefounderofareligionand

perhapsafewearlyacolytescanlayclaimtothekindofauthoritythat

flowsfromadirectexperienceofthesacred.Foreveryonecomingafter,

thereisthecomparativelythingruelofthestories,thesymbolismofthe

sacrament,andfaith.Historyattenuatestheoriginalpowerofitall,

whichnowmustbemediatedbythepriests.Buttheextraordinary

promiseonofferintheChurchofPsychedelicsisthatanyoneatanytime

maygainaccesstotheprimaryreligiousexperiencebymeansofthe

sacrament,whichhappenstobeapsychoactivemolecule.Faithis

renderedsuperfluous.

Runningalongsidethecelebration’sspiritualundercurrent,however,

therealso,perhapssomewhatincongruously,camescience.Duringthe

weekendsymposiumfollowingtheobservationofHofmann’sbirthday,

researchersfromavarietyofdisciplines—includingneuroscience,

psychiatry,pharmacology,andconsciousnessstudies,aswellasthearts—

exploredtheimpactofHofmann’sinventiononsocietyandcultureand

itspotentialforexpandingourunderstandingofconsciousnessand

treatingseveralintractablementaldisorders.Ahandfulofresearch

projects,studyingtheeffectsofpsychedelicsonhumans,hadbeen

approvedorwereunderwayinSwitzerlandandtheUnitedStates,and

scientistsatthesymposiumvoicedtheirhopethatthelonghiatusin

psychedelicresearchmightfinallybecomingtoanend.Irrational

exuberanceseemstobeanoccupationalhazardamongpeopleworkingin

thisarea,butin2006therewasgoodreasontothinktheweathermight

actuallybeturning.

•••

THESECONDWATERSHEDEVENTof2006cameonlyfiveweekslaterwhenthe

U.S.SupremeCourt,inaunanimousdecisionwrittenbythenewchief

justice,JohnG.RobertsJr.,ruledthattheUDV,atinyreligioussectthat

usesahallucinogenicteacalledayahuascaasitssacrament,couldimport

thedrinktotheUnitedStates,eventhoughitcontainstheschedule1

substancedimethyltryptamine,orDMT.Therulingwasbasedonthe

ReligiousFreedomRestorationActof1993,whichhadsoughttoclarify

theright(undertheFirstAmendment’sreligiousfreedomclause)of

NativeAmericanstousepeyoteintheirceremonies,astheyhavedonefor

generations.The1993lawsaysthatonlyifthegovernmenthasa

“compellinginterest”canitinterferewithone’spracticeofreligion.Inthe

UDVcase,theBushadministrationhadarguedthatonlyNative

Americans,becauseoftheir“uniquerelationship”tothegovernment,had

therighttousepsychedelicsaspartoftheirworship,andevenintheir

casethisrightcouldbeabridgedbythestate.

TheCourtsoundlyrejectedthegovernment’sargument,interpreting

the1993lawtomeanthat,absentacompellingstateinterest,thefederal

governmentcannotprohibitarecognizedreligiousgroupfromusing

psychedelicsubstancesintheirobservances.Evidently,thisincludes

relativelynewandtinyreligiousgroupsspecificallyorganizedarounda

psychedelicsacrament,or“plantmedicine,”astheayahuasqueroscall

theirtea.TheUDVisaChristianspiritistsectfoundedin1961inBrazilby

JoséGabrieldaCosta,arubbertapperinspiredbyrevelationshe

experiencedafterreceivingayahuascafromanAmazonianshamantwo

yearsbefore.Thechurchclaims17,000membersinsixcountries,butat

thetimeoftherulingtherewereonly130Americanmembersofthe

UDV.(TheinitialsstandforUniãodoVegetal,orUnionofthePlants,

becauseayahuascaismadebybrewingtogethertwoAmazonianplant

species,BanisteriopsiscaapiandPsychotriaviridis.)

TheCourt’sdecisioninspiredsomethingofareligiousawakening

aroundayahuascainAmerica.Todaytherearecloseto525American

membersofthechurch,withcommunitiesinninelocations.Tosupply

them,theUDVhasbegungrowingtheplantsneededtomaketheteain

Hawaiiandshippingittogroupsonthemainlandwithoutinterference.

ButthenumberofAmericansparticipatinginayahuascaceremonies

outsidetheUDVhasalsomushroomedintheyearssince,andanygiven

nightthereareprobablydozensifnothundredsofceremoniestaking

placesomewhereinAmerica(withconcentrationsintheSanFrancisco

BayAreaandBrooklyn).Federalprosecutionsforpossessionor

importationofayahuascaappeartohavestopped,atleastforthetime

being.

Withits2006decision,theSupremeCourtseemstohaveopenedupa

religiouspath—narrow,perhaps,butfirmlyrootedintheBillofRights—

tothelegalrecognitionofpsychedelicdrugs,atleastwhenthey’rebeing

usedasasacramentbyareligiouscommunity.Itremainstobeseenhow

wideorwelltrodthatpathwillbecome,butitdoesmakeyouwonder

whatthegovernment,andtheCourt,willdowhenanAmericanJosé

GabrieldaCostastepsforwardandattemptstoturnhisorherown

psychedelicrevelationsintoanewreligionintentonusingapsychoactive

chemicalasitssacrament.Thejurisprudenceof“cognitiveliberty,”as

someinthepsychedeliccommunitycallit,isstillscantandlimited(to

religion),butnowithadbeenaffirmed,openinganewcrackintheedifice

ofthedrugwar.

•••

OFTHETHREE2006EVENTSthathelpedbringpsychedelicsoutoftheir

decades-longslumber,byfarthemostfar-reachinginitsimpactwasthe

publicationthatsummerofthepaperinPsychopharmacologydescribed

intheprologue—theoneBobJessee-mailedmeatthetimebutthatI

didn’tbothertoopen.Thisevent,too,hadadistinctlyspiritualcast,even

thoughtheexperimentitreportedwastheworkofarigorousandhighly

regardedscientist:RolandGriffiths.ItjustsohappensthatGriffiths,a

mostunlikelypsychedelicresearcher,wasinspiredtoinvestigatethe

powerofpsilocybintooccasiona“mystical-type”experiencebyamystical

experienceofhisown.

Griffiths’slandmarkpaper,“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type

ExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningand

SpiritualSignificance,”wasthefirstrigorouslydesigned,double-blind,

placebo-controlledclinicalstudyinmorethanfourdecades—ifnotever—

toexaminethepsychologicaleffectsofapsychedelic.Itreceivedasmall

torrentofpresscoverage,mostofitsoenthusiasticastomakeyou

wonderifthemoralpanicaroundpsychedelicsthattookholdinthelate

1960smightfinallyhaverunitscourse.Nodoubtthepositivetenorofthe

coverageowedmuchtothefactthat,atGriffiths’surging,thejournalhad

invitedseveraloftheworld’smostprominentdrugresearchers—someof

themdecoratedsoldiersinthedrugwar—tocommentonthestudy,

givingthejournalistscoveringthestudyplentyofideologicalcover.

Allofthecommentatorstreatedthepublicationasamajorevent.

HerbertD.Kleber,aformerdeputytoWilliamBennett,GeorgeH.W.

Bush’sdrugczar,andlaterdirectoroftheDivisiononSubstanceAbuseat

ColumbiaUniversity,applaudedthepaperforitsmethodologicalrigor

andacknowledgedtheremightbe“majortherapeuticpossibilities”in

psychedelicresearch“merit[ing]NIHsupport.”Charles“Bob”Schuster,

whohadservedtwoRepublicanpresidentsasdirectoroftheNational

InstituteonDrugAbuse(NIDA),notedthattheterm“psychedelic”

impliesamind-expandingexperienceandexpressedhis“hopethatthis

landmarkpaperwillalsobe‘fieldexpanding.’”Hesuggestedthatthis

“fascinating”classofdrugs,andthespiritualexperiencetheyoccasion,

mightproveusefulintreatingaddiction.

Griffiths’spaperanditsreceptionservedtoreinforceanimportant

distinctionbetweentheso-calledclassicalpsychedelics—psilocybin,LSD,

DMT,andmescaline—andthemorecommondrugsofabuse,withtheir

demonstratedtoxicityandpotentialforaddiction.TheAmericandrug

researchestablishment,suchasitis,hadsignaledinthepagesofoneof

itsleadingjournalsthatthesepsychedelicdrugsdeservedtobetreated

verydifferentlyandhaddemonstrated,inthewordsofonecommentator,

“that,whenusedappropriately,thesecompoundscanproduce

remarkable,possiblybeneficial,effectsthatcertainlydeservefurther

study.”

Thestoryofhowthispapercametobeshedsaninterestinglighton

thefraughtrelationshipbetweenscienceandthatotherrealmofhuman

inquirythatsciencehashistoricallydisdainedandgenerallywants

nothingtodowith:spirituality.Forindesigningthis,thefirstmodern

studyofpsilocybin,Griffithshaddecidedtofocusnotonapotential

therapeuticapplicationofthedrug—thepathtakenbyotherresearchers

hopingtorehabilitateotherbannedsubstances,likeMDMA—butrather

onthespiritualeffectsoftheexperienceonso-calledhealthynormals.

Whatgoodwasthat?

InaneditorialaccompanyingGriffiths’spaper,theUniversityof

ChicagopsychiatristanddrugabuseexpertHarrietdeWittriedto

addressthistension,pointingoutthatthequestforexperiencesthat“free

oneselfoftheboundsofeverydayperceptionandthoughtinasearchfor

universaltruthsandenlightenment”isanabidingelementofour

humanitythathasnevertheless“enjoyedlittlecredibilityinthe

mainstreamscientificworld.”Thetimehadcome,shesuggested,for

science“torecognizetheseextraordinarysubjectiveexperiences...even

iftheysometimesinvolveclaimsaboutultimaterealitiesthatlieoutside

thepurviewofscience.”

•••

ROLANDGRIFFITHSmightbethelastscientistonewouldeverimagine

gettingmixedupwithpsychedelics,whichsurelyhelpsexplainhis

successinreturningpsychedelicresearchtoscientificrespectability.Six

feettallandrailthin,Griffiths,inhisseventies,holdshimselfbolt

upright;theonlyundisciplinedthingabouthimisathatchofwhitehair

sodenseitappearstohaveheldhiscombtoadraw.Atleastuntilyouget

himtalkingabouttheultimatequestions,whichlighthimup,hecomes

acrossastheultimatestraightarrow:sober,earnest,andmethodical.

Bornin1944,GriffithsgrewupinElCerrito,California,intheBay

Area,andwenttoOccidentalCollegeforhisundergraduateeducation

(majoringinpsychology)andthenontotheUniversityofMinnesotato

studypsychopharmacology.AtMinnesotainthelate1960s,hecame

undertheinfluenceofB.F.Skinner,theradicalbehavioristwhohelped

shiftthefocusofpsychologyfromtheexplorationofinnerstatesand

subjectiveexperiencetothestudyofoutwardbehaviorandhowitis

conditioned.Behaviorismhaslittleinterestinplumbingthedepthsofthe

humanpsyche,buttheapproachprovedveryusefulinstudyingbehaviors

likedruguseanddependence,whichbecameGriffiths’sspecialty.

Psychedelicdrugsplayednoroleineitherhisformalorhisinformal

education.BythetimeGriffithsgottograduateschool,TimothyLeary’s

notoriouspsychedelicresearchprojectatHarvardhadalreadycollapsed

inscandal,and“itwasclearfrommymentorsthatthesewerecompounds

thathadnofuture.”

In1972,rightoutofgraduateschool,GriffithswashiredatJohns

Hopkins,wherehehasworkedeversince,makinghismarkasa

researcherstudyingthemechanismsofdependenceinavarietyoflegal

andillegaldrugs,includingtheopiates,theso-calledsedativehypnotics

(likeValium),nicotine,alcohol,andcaffeine.Workingundergrantsfrom

theNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse,Griffithshelpedpioneerthesorts

ofexperimentsinwhichananimal,oftenababoonorarat,ispresented

withaleverallowingittoself-administervariousdrugsintravenously,a

powerfultoolforresearchersstudyingreinforcement,dependence,

preferences(lunchormorecocaine?),andwithdrawal.Thefifty-five

papershepublishedexploringtheaddictivepropertiesofcaffeine

transformedthefield,helpingustoseecoffeelessasafoodthanasa

drug,andledtothelistingof“caffeinewithdrawal”syndromeinthemost

recenteditionoftheDiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMental

Disorders,orDSM5.BythetimeGriffithsturnedfifty,in1994,hewasa

scientistatthetopofhisgameandhisfield.

ButthatyearGriffiths’scareertookanunexpectedturn,theresultof

twoserendipitousintroductions.Thefirstcamewhenafriendintroduced

himtoSiddhaYoga.Despitehisbehavioristorientationasascientist,

Griffithshadalwaysbeeninterestedinwhatphilosopherscall

phenomenology—thesubjectiveexperienceofconsciousness.Hehad

triedmeditationasagraduatestudentbutfoundthat“hecouldn’tsitstill

withoutgoingstark-ravingmad.Threeminutesfeltlikethreehours.”But

whenhetrieditagainin1994,“somethingopenedupforme.”Hestarted

meditatingregularly,goingonretreats,andworkinghiswaythrougha

varietyofEasternspiritualtraditions.Hefoundhimselfdrawn“deeper

anddeeperintothismystery.”

Somewherealongtheway,Griffithshadwhathemodestlydescribesas

“afunnykindofawakening”—amysticalexperience.Iwassurprised

whenGriffithsmentionedthisduringourfirstmeetinginhisoffice,soI

hadn’tfollowedup,butevenafterIhadgottentoknowhimalittlebetter,

Griffithswasstillreluctanttosaymuchmoreaboutexactlywhat

happenedand,assomeonewhohadneverhadsuchanexperience,Ihad

troublegaininganytractionwiththeideawhatsoever.Allhewouldtell

meisthattheexperience,whichtookplaceinhismeditationpractice,

acquaintedhimwith“somethingway,waybeyondamaterialworldview

thatIcan’treallytalktomycolleaguesabout,becauseitinvolves

metaphorsorassumptionsthatI’mreallyuncomfortablewithasa

scientist.”

Intime,whathewaslearningabout“themysteryofconsciousnessand

existence”inhismeditationpracticecametoseemmorecompellingto

himthanhisscience.Hebegantofeelsomewhatalienated:“Noneofthe

peopleIwasclosetohadanyinterestinentertainingthosequestions,

whichfellintothegeneralcategoryofthespiritual,andreligiouspeopleI

justdidn’tget.

“HereIam,afullprofessor,publishinglikecrazy,runningoffto

importantmeetings,andthinkingIwasafraud.”Hebegantolose

interestintheresearchthathadorganizedhiswholeadultlife.“Icould

studyanewsedativehypnotic,learnsomethingnewaboutbrain

receptors,beonanotherFDA[FoodandDrugAdministration]panel,go

toanotherconference,butsowhat?Iwasmoreemotionallyand

intellectuallycuriousaboutwherethisotherpathmightlead.Mydrug

researchbegantoseemvacuous.Iwasgoingthroughthemotionsat

work,muchmoreinterestedingoinghomeintheeveningtomeditate.”

Theonlywayhecouldmotivatehimselftocontinuewritinggrantswasto

thinkofitasa“serviceproject”forhisgraduatestudentsandpostdocs.

Inthecaseofhiscaffeineresearch,Griffithshadbeenabletotakehis

curiosityaboutadimensionofhisownexperience—whydidhefeel

compelledtodrinkcoffeeeveryday?—andturnitintoaproductivelineof

scientificinquiry.Buthecouldseenowaytodothatwithhisdeepening

curiosityaboutthedimensionsofconsciousnessthatmeditationhad

openeduptohim.“Itneveroccurredtometherewasanywaytostudyit

scientifically.”Stymiedandbored,Griffithsbegantoentertainthoughts

ofquittingscienceandgoingofftoanashraminIndia.

ItwasaroundthistimethatBobSchuster,anoldfriendandcolleague

whohadrecentlyretiredasheadoftheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse,

phonedGriffithstosuggesthetalktoayoungmanhehadrecentlymetat

EsalennamedBobJesse.Jessehadorganizedasmallgatheringof

researchers,therapists,andreligiousscholarsatthelegendaryBigSur

retreatcentertodiscussthespiritualandtherapeuticpotentialof

psychedelicdrugsandhowtheymightberehabilitated.Jessehimselfwas

neitheramedicalprofessionalnorascientist;hewasacomputer

engineer,avicepresidentofbusinessdevelopmentatOracle,whohad

madeithismissiontorevivethescienceofpsychedelics—butasatoolnot

somuchofmedicineasofspiritualdevelopment.

GriffithshadtoldSchusteralittleabouthisspiritualpracticeand

confidedinhimhisgrowingdiscontentwithconventionaldrugresearch.

“Youshouldtalktothisguy,”Schustertoldhim.“Theyhavesome

interestingideasaboutworkingwithentheogens,”hesaid.“Youmight

havesomethingincommon.”

•••

WHENTHEHISTORYofsecond-wavepsychedelicresearchiswritten,Bob

JessewillbeseenasoneofapairofscientificoutsidersinAmerica—

amateurs,really,andbrillianteccentrics—whoworkedtirelessly,often

behindthescenes,togetitofftheground.Bothfoundtheirvocationin

thewakeoftransformativepsychedelicexperiencesthatconvincedthem

thesesubstanceshadthepotentialtohealnotonlyindividualsbut

humankindasawholeandthatthebestpathtotheirrehabilitationwas

bywayofcrediblescientificresearch.Inmanycases,theseuntrained

researchersdreameduptheexperimentsfirstandthenfound(and

funded)thescientiststoconductthem.Oftenyouwillfindtheirnameson

thepapers,usuallyinthelastposition.

Ofthetwo,RickDoblinhasbeenatitlongerandisbyfarthemore

wellknown.DoblinfoundedtheMultidisciplinaryAssociationfor

PsychedelicStudies(MAPS)allthewaybackinthedarkdaysof1986—

theyearafterMDMAwasmadeillegalandatimewhenmostwiserheads

wereconvincedthatrestartingresearchintopsychedelicswasacause

beyondhopeless.

Doblin,bornin1953,isagreatshaggydogwithabone;hehasbeen

lobbyingtochangethegovernment’smindaboutpsychedelicssince

shortlyaftergraduatingfromNewCollege,inFlorida,in1987.After

experimentingwithLSDasanundergraduate,andlaterwithMDMA,

Doblindecidedhiscallinginlifewastobecomeapsychedelictherapist.

ButafterthebanningofMDMAin1985,thatdreambecame

unachievablewithoutachangeinfederallawsandregulations,sohe

decidedhe’dbetterfirstgetadoctorateinpublicpolicyatHarvard’s

KennedySchool.There,hemasteredtheintricaciesoftheFDA’sdrug

approvalprocess,andinhisdissertationplottedthelaboriouspathto

officialacceptancethatpsilocybinandMDMAarenowfollowing.

Doblinisdisarmingly,perhapshelplessly,candid,happytotalkopenly

toareporterabouthisformativepsychedelicexperiencesaswellas

politicalstrategyandtactics.LikeTimothyLeary,Doblinisthehappiest

ofwarriors,nevernotsmilingandexhibitingadegreeofenthusiasmfor

theworkyouwouldn’texpectfromamanwhohasbeenknockinghis

headagainstthesamewallforhisentireadultlife.Doblinworksoutofa

somewhatDickensianofficetuckedintotheatticofhisramblingcolonial

inBelmont,Massachusetts,atadeskstackedtotheceilingwith

precariouspilesofmanuscripts,journalarticles,photographs,and

memorabiliareachingbackmorethanfortyyears.Someofthe

memorabiliacommemoratesthetimeearlyinhiscareerwhenDoblin

decidedthebestwaytoendsectarianstrifewouldbetomailagroupof

theworld’sspiritualleaderstabletsofMDMA,adrugfamousforits

abilitytobreakdownbarriersbetweenpeopleandkindleempathy.

Aroundthesametime,hearrangedtohaveathousanddosesofMDMA

senttopeopleintheSovietmilitarywhowereworkingonarmscontrol

negotiationswithPresidentReagan.

ForDoblin,winningFDAapprovalforthemedicaluseofpsychedelics

—whichhebelievesisnowinview,forbothMDMAandpsilocybin—isa

meanstoamoreambitiousandstillmorecontroversialend:the

incorporationofpsychedelicsintoAmericansocietyandculture,notjust

medicine.Thisofcourseisthesamewinningstrategyfollowedbythe

campaigntodecriminalizemarijuana,inwhichpromotingthemedical

usesofcannabischangedthedrug’simage,leadingtoamoregeneral

publicacceptance.

Notsurprisingly,thissortoftalkranklesmorecautiousheadsinthe

community(BobJesseamongthem),butRickDoblinisnotonetosoft-

pedalhisagendaortoeventhinkabouttakinganinterviewofftherecord.

Thisgetshimalotofpress;howmuchithelpsthecauseisdebatable.But

thereisnoquestionthatespeciallyinthelastseveralyearsDoblinhas

succeededingettingimportantresearchapprovedandfunded,especially

inthecaseofMDMA,whichhaslongbeenMAPS’smainfocus.MAPShas

sponsoredseveralsmallclinicaltrialsthathavedemonstratedMDMA’s

valueintreatingpost-traumaticstressdisorder,orPTSD.(Doblindefines

psychedelicsgenerously,soastoincludeMDMAandevencannabis,even

thoughtheirmechanismsofactioninthebrainareverydifferentfrom

thatoftheclassicalpsychedelics.)Butbeyondhelpingthosesuffering

withPTSDandotherindications—MAPSissponsoringaclinicalstudyat

UCLAthatinvolvestreatingautisticadultswithMDMA—Doblinbelieves

ferventlyinthepowerofpsychedelicstoimprovehumankindby

disclosingaspiritualdimensionofconsciousnessweallshare,regardless

ofourreligiousbeliefsorlackthereof.“Mysticism,”helikestosay,“isthe

antidotetofundamentalism.”

•••

COMPAREDWITHRICKDOBLIN,BobJesseisamonk.Thereisnothing

shaggyoruncarefulabouthim.Taut,pressshy,anddisposedtochoose

hiswordswithapairoftweezers,Jesse,nowinhisfifties,preferstodo

hisworkoutofpublicview,andpreferablyfromtheone-roomcabin

wherehelivesbyhimselfintheruggedhillsnorthofSanFrancisco,off

thegridexceptforafastInternetconnection.

“BobJesseislikethepuppeteer,”KatherineMacLeantoldme.

MacLeanisapsychologistwhoworkedinRolandGriffiths’slabfrom

2009until2013.“He’sthevisionaryguyworkingbehindthescenes.”

FollowingJesse’smeticulousdirections,IdrovenorthfromtheBay

Area,eventuallywindingupattheendofanarrowdirtroadinacounty

heaskedmenottoname.Iparkedatatrailheadandmademywaypast

the“NoTrespassing”signs,followingapathupahillthatbroughtmeto

hispicturesquemountaintopcamp.IfeltasifIweregoingtovisitthe

wizard.Theshipshapelittlecabinistightfortwo,soJessehassetout

amongthefirtreesandboulderssomecomfortablesofas,chairs,and

tables.He’salsobuiltanoutdoorkitchenand,onashelfofrock

commandingaspectacularviewofthemountains,anoutdoorshower,

givingthecampthefeelingofahouseturnedinsideout.

Wespentthebetterpartofanearlyspringdayoutdoorsinhisliving

room,sippingherbalteaanddiscussinghisnotablyquietercampaignto

restorepsychedelicstorespectability—amasterplaninwhichRoland

Griffithsplaysacentralrole.“I’malittlecamerashy,”hebegan,“so

please,nopicturesorrecordingsofanykind.”

Jesseisaslender,compactfellowwithasquarishheadofclosely

croppedgrayhairandrimlessrectangularglassesthatare

unostentatiouslystylish.Jesseseldomsmilesandhassomeofthe

stiffnessIassociatewithengineers,thoughoccasionallyhe’llsurpriseyou

withaflashofemotionhewillimmediatelythencaption:“Youmayhave

noticedthatthinkingaboutthatsubjectmademyeyesgetalittlewatery.

Letmeexplainwhy...”Notonlydoeshechoosehisownwordswith

greatcare,butheinsiststhatyoudotoo,so,forexample,whenI

carelesslydeployedtheterm“recreationaluse,”hestoppedmeinmid-

sentence.“Maybeweneedtoreexaminethatterm.Typically,itisusedto

trivializeanexperience.Butwhy?Initsliteralmeaning,theword

‘recreation’impliessomethingdecidedlynontrivial.Thereismuchmore

tobesaid,butlet’sbookmarkthistopicforanothertime.Pleasegoon.”

MynotesshowthatJessetookourfirstconversationonandoffthe

recordhalfadozentimes.

JessegrewupoutsideBaltimoreandwenttoJohnsHopkins,wherehe

studiedcomputerscienceandelectricalengineering.Forseveralyearsin

histwenties,heworkedforBellLabs,commutingweeklyfromBaltimore

toNewJersey.Duringthisperiod,hecameoutoftheclosetand

persuadedmanagementtorecognizethecompany’sfirstgayandlesbian

employeegroup.(Atthetime,AT&T,theparentcompany,employed

some300,000people.)Later,hepersuadedAT&Tmanagementtoflya

rainbowflagoverheadquartersduringGayPrideWeekandsenda

delegationtomarchintheparade.ThisachievementformedBobJesse’s

politicaleducation,impressingonhimthevalueofworkingbehindthe

sceneswithoutmakingalotofnoiseordemandingcredit.

JessemovedtoOracle,andtheBayArea,in1990,becomingemployee

number8766—notoneofthefirst,butearlyenoughtohaveacquireda

chunkofstockinthecompany.Itwasn’tlongbeforeOraclefieldedits

owncontingentinSanFrancisco’sGayPrideParade,andafterJesse’s

gentleproddingofseniormanagementOraclebecameoneofthefirst

Fortune500companiestoofferbenefitstothesame-sexpartnersofits

employees.

Jesse’scuriosityaboutpsychedelicswasfirstpiquedduringadrug

educationunitinhishighschoolscienceclass.Thisparticularclassof

drugswasneitherphysicallynorpsychologicallyaddictive,hewastold

(correctly);histeacherwentontodescribethedrugs’effects,including

shiftsinconsciousnessandvisualperceptionthatJessefoundintriguing.

“Icouldsensetherewasevenmoreherethantheyweretellingus,”he

recalled.“SoImadeamentalnote.”Buthewouldnotbereadytoseefor

himselfwhatpsychedelicswereallaboutuntilmuchlater.Why?He

answeredinthethirdperson:“Aclosetedgaykidmightbeafraidofwhat

mightcomeoutifhelethisguarddown.”

Inhistwenties,whileworkingatBellLabs,Jessefellinwithagroupof

friendsinBaltimorewhodecided,inamostdeliberateway,to

experimentwithpsychedelics.Someonewouldalwaysremain“closeto

groundlevel”incaseanyoneneededhelporthedoorbellrang,anddoses

escalatedgradually.ItwasduringoneoftheseSaturdayafternoon

experiments,inanapartmentinBaltimore,thatJesse,twenty-fiveyears

oldandhavingingestedahighdoseofLSD,hadapowerful“non-dual

experience”thatwouldprovetransformative.Iaskedhimtodescribeit,

andaftersomehemmingandhawing—“Ihopeyou’llbracketwhatis

sensitive”—hegingerlyproceededtotellthestory.

“Iwaslyingonmybackunderneathaficustree,”herecalls.“Iknewit

wasgoingtobeastrongexperience.AndthepointcamewherethelittleI

stillwasjuststartedslippingaway.Ilostallawarenessofbeingonthe

floorinanapartmentinBaltimore;Icouldn’ttellifmyeyeswereopened

orclosed.Whatopenedupbeforemewas,forlackofabetterword,a

space,butnotourordinaryconceptofspace,justthepureawarenessofa

realmwithoutformandvoidofcontent.Andintothatrealmcamea

celestialentity,whichwastheemergenceofthephysicalworld.Itwaslike

thebigbang,butwithouttheboomortheblindinglight.Itwasthebirth

ofthephysicaluniverse.Inonesenseitwasdramatic—maybethemost

importantthingthateveroccurredinthehistoryoftheworld—yetitjust

sortofhappened.”

Iaskedhimwherehewasinallthis.

“Iwasadiffuselylocatedobserver.Iwascoextensivewiththis

emergence.”HereIlethimknowhewaslosingme.Longpause.“I’m

hesitatingbecausethewordsareanawkwardfit;wordsseemtoo

constraining.”Ineffabilityisofcourseahallmarkofthemystical

experience.“Theawarenesstranscendsanyparticularsensorymodality,”

heexplained,unhelpfully.Wasitscary?“Therewasnoterror,only

fascinationandawe.”Pause.“Um,maybealittlefear.”

Fromhereon,Jessewatched(orwhateveryoucallit)thebirthof...

everything,intheunfoldingofanepicsequencebeginningwiththe

appearanceofcosmicdustleadingtothecreationofthestarsandthen

thesolarsystems,followedbytheemergenceoflifeandfromtherethe

arrivalof“whatwecallhumans,”thentheacquisitionoflanguageandthe

unfoldingofawareness,“allthewayuptoone’sself,hereinthisroom,

surroundedbymyfriends.IhadcomeallthewaybacktorightwhereI

was.Howmuchclocktimehadelapsed?Ihadnoidea.

“WhatstandsoutmostformeisthequalityoftheawarenessI

experienced,somethingentirelydistinctfromwhatI’vecometoregardas

Bob.Howdoesthisexpandedawarenessfitintothescopeofthings?To

theextentIregardtheexperienceasveridical—andaboutthatI’mstill

notsure—ittellsmethatconsciousnessisprimarytothephysical

universe.Infact,itprecedesit.”Didhenowbelieveconsciousnessexists

outsidethebrain?He’snotcertain.“Buttogofrombeingverysurethat

theoppositeistrue”—thatconsciousnessistheproductofourgray

matter—“tobeunsureisanimmenseshift.”Iaskedhimifheagreedwith

somethingI’dreadtheDalaiLamahadsaid,thattheideathatbrains

createconsciousness—anideaacceptedwithoutquestionbymost

scientists—“isametaphysicalassumption,notascientificfact.”

“Bingo,”Jessesaid.“Andforsomeonewithmyorientation”—agnostic,

enamoredofscience—“thatchangeseverything.”

•••

HERE’SWHATIDON’TGETaboutanexperiencelikeBobJesse’s:Whyinthe

worldwouldyouevercredititatall?Ididn’tunderstandwhyyou

wouldn’tsimplyfileitunder“interestingdream”or“drug-induced

fantasy.”Butalongwiththefeelingofineffability,theconvictionthat

someprofoundobjectivetruthhasbeendisclosedtoyouisahallmarkof

themysticalexperience,regardlessofwhetherithasbeenoccasionedbya

drug,meditation,fasting,flagellation,orsensorydeprivation.William

Jamesgaveanametothisconviction:thenoeticquality.Peoplefeelthey

havebeenletinonadeepsecretoftheuniverse,andtheycannotbe

shakenfromthatconviction.AsJameswrote,“Dreamscannotstandthis

test.”Nodoubtthisiswhysomeofthepeoplewhohavesuchan

experiencegoontofoundreligions,changingthecourseofhistoryor,in

agreatmanymorecases,thecourseoftheirownlives.“Nodoubt”isthe

key.

Icanthinkofacoupleofwaystoaccountforsuchaphenomenon,

neitherentirelysatisfying.Themoststraightforwardandyethardestto

acceptexplanationisthatit’ssimplytrue:thealteredstateof

consciousnesshasopenedthepersonuptoatruththattherestofus,

imprisonedinordinarywakingconsciousness,simplycannotsee.Science

hastroublewiththisinterpretation,however,because,whateverthe

perceptionis,itcan’tbeverifiedbyitscustomarytools.It’sananecdotal

report,ineffect,andsohasnovalue.Sciencehaslittleinterestin,and

tolerancefor,thetestimonyoftheindividual;inthisitis,curiously,much

likeanorganizedreligion,whichhasabigproblemcreditingdirect

revelationtoo.Butit’sworthpointingoutthattherearecaseswhere

sciencehasnochoicebuttorelyonindividualtestimony—asinthestudy

ofsubjectiveconsciousness,whichisinaccessibletoourscientifictools

andsocanonlybedescribedbythepersonexperiencingit.Here

phenomenologyistheall-importantdata.However,thisisnotthecase

whenascertainingtruthsabouttheworldoutsideourheads.

Theproblemwithcreditingmysticalexperiencesispreciselythatthey

oftenseemtoerasethedistinctionbetweeninsideandoutside,intheway

thatBobJesse’s“diffuseawareness”seemedtobehisbutalsotoexist

outsidehim.Thispointstothesecondpossibleexplanationforthenoetic

sense:whenoursenseofasubjective“I”disintegrates,asitoftendoesin

ahigh-dosepsychedelicexperience(aswellasinmeditationby

experiencedmeditators),itbecomesimpossibletodistinguishbetween

whatissubjectivelyandobjectivelytrue.What’slefttodothedoubtingif

notyourI?

•••

INTHEYEARSfollowingthatfirstpowerfulpsychedelicjourney,BobJesse

hadaseriesofotherexperiencesthatshiftedthecourseofhislife.Living

inSanFranciscointheearly1990s,hegotinvolvedintheravesceneand

discoveredthatthe“collectiveeffervescence”ofthebestall-nightdance

parties,withorwithoutpsychedelic“materials,”couldalsodissolvethe

“subject-objectduality”andopenupnewspiritualvistas.Hebeganto

explorevariousspiritualtraditions,fromBuddhismtoQuakerismto

meditation,andfoundhisprioritiesinlifegraduallyshifting.“Itbeganto

occurtomethatspendingtimeinthisareamightactuallybefarmore

importantandfarmorefulfillingthanwhatIhadbeendoing”asa

computerengineer.

WhileonasabbaticalfromOracle(hewouldleaveforgoodin1995),

JessesetupanonprofitcalledtheCouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP),

withtheaimof“makingdirectexperienceofthesacredmoreavailableto

morepeople.”Thewebsitedownplaystheorganization’sinterestin

promotingentheogens—BobJesse’spreferredtermforpsychedelics—but

doesdescribeitsmissioninsuggestiveterms:“toidentifyanddevelop

approachestoprimaryreligiousexperiencethatcanbeusedsafelyand

effectively.”Thewebsite(csp.org)offersanexcellentbibliographyof

psychedelicresearchandregularupdatesontheworkunderwayatJohns

Hopkins.CSPwouldalsoplayaroleinsupportingtheUDVlawsuitthat

resultedinthe2006SupremeCourtdecision.

TheCouncilonSpiritualPracticesgrewoutofJesse’ssystematic

explorationofthepsychedelicliteratureandthepsychedeliccommunity

intheBayAreasoonafterhemovedtoSanFrancisco.Inhishighly

deliberate,slightlyobsessive,andscrupulouslypoliteway,Jesse

contactedtheregion’snumerous“psychedelicelders”—therichcastof

characterswhohadbeendeeplyinvolvedinresearchandtherapyinthe

yearsbeforemostofthedrugswerebannedin1970,withthepassingof

theControlledSubstancesAct,andtheclassificationofLSDand

psilocybinasschedule1substanceswithahighpotentialforabuseandno

recognizedmedicaluse.TherewasJamesFadiman,theStanford-trained

psychologistwhohaddonepioneeringresearchonpsychedelicsand

problemsolvingattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyin

MenloPark,untiltheFDAhaltedthegroup’sworkin1966.(Intheearly

1960s,therewasatleastasmuchpsychedelicresearchgoingonaround

StanfordastherewasatHarvard;itjustdidn’thaveacharacterofthe

wattageofaTimothyLearyouttalkingaboutit.)Thentherewas

Fadiman’scolleagueattheinstituteMyronStolaroff,aprominentSilicon

ValleyelectricalengineerwhoworkedasaseniorexecutiveatAmpex,the

magneticrecordingequipmentmaker,untilanLSDtripinspiredhimto

giveupengineering(muchlikeBobJesse)foracareerasapsychedelic

researcherandtherapist.Jessealsofoundhiswayintotheinnercircleof

SashaandAnnShulgin,legendaryBayAreafigureswhoheldweekly

dinnersforacommunityoftherapists,scientists,andothersinterestedin

psychedelics.(SashaShulgin,whodiedin2014,wasabrilliantchemist

whoheldaDEAlicenseallowinghimtosynthesizenovelpsychedelic

compounds,whichhedidinprodigiousnumbers.Healsowasthefirstto

synthesizeMDMAsinceithadbeenpatentedbyMerckin1912and

forgotten.Recognizingitspsychoactiveproperties,heintroducedtheso-

calledempathogentotheBayArea’spsychotherapycommunity.Only

later,diditbecometheclubdrugknownasEcstasy.)Jessealso

befriendedHustonSmith,thescholarofcomparativereligion,whose

mindhadbeenopenedtothespiritualpotentialofpsychedelicswhen,as

aninstructor/lectureratMITin1962,heservedasavolunteerinthe

GoodFridayExperiment,fromwhichhecameawayconvincedthata

mysticalexperienceoccasionedbyadrugwasnodifferentfromanyother

kind.

Bywayofthese“elders”andhisownreading,Jessebeganunearthing

therichbodyoffirst-wavepsychedelicresearch,muchofwhichhadbeen

losttoscience.Helearnedthattherehadbeenmorethanathousand

scientificpapersonpsychedelicdrugtherapybefore1965,involvingmore

thanfortythousandresearchsubjects.Beginninginthe1950sand

continuingintotheearly1970s,psychedeliccompoundshadbeenusedto

treatavarietyofconditions—includingalcoholism,depression,obsessive-

compulsivedisorder,andanxietyattheendoflife—frequentlywith

impressiveresults.Butfewofthestudieswerewellcontrolledbymodern

standards,andsomeofthemwerecompromisedbytheenthusiasmofthe

researchersinvolved.

OfevenkeenerinteresttoBobJessewastheearlyresearchexploring

thepotentialofpsychedelicstocontributetowhat,inastrikingphrase,

hecalls“thebettermentofwellpeople.”Therehadbeenstudiesin

“healthynormals”ofartisticandscientificcreativityandspirituality.The

mostfamousofthesewastheGoodFriday,orMarshChapel,

Experiment,conductedin1962byWalterPahnke,apsychiatristand

ministerworkingonaPhDdissertationatHarvardunderTimothyLeary.

Inthisdouble-blindexperiment,twentydivinitystudentsreceiveda

capsuleofwhitepowderduringaGoodFridayserviceatMarshChapelon

theBostonUniversitycampus,tenofthemcontainingpsilocybin,tenan

“activeplacebo”—inthiscaseniacin,whichcreatesatinglingsensation.

Eightofthetenstudentsreceivingpsilocybinreportedapowerful

mysticalexperience,whileonlyoneinthecontrolgroupdid.(Telling

themapartwasnotdifficult,renderingthedoubleblindasomewhat

hollowconceit:thoseontheplacebosatsedatelyintheirpewswhilethe

otherslaydownorwanderedaboutthechapel,mutteringthingslike

“Godiseverywhere”and“Oh,theGlory!”)Pahnkeconcludedthatthe

experiencesofthosewhoreceivedthepsilocybinwere“indistinguishable

from,ifnotidenticalwith,”theclassicmysticalexperiencesreportedin

theliterature.HustonSmithagreed.“UntiltheGoodFridayExperiment,”

hetoldaninterviewerin1996,“Ihadhadnodirectpersonalencounter

withGod.”

In1986,RickDoblinconductedafollow-upstudyoftheGoodFriday

Experimentinwhichhetrackeddownandinterviewedallbutoneofthe

divinitystudentswhoreceivedpsilocybinatMarshChapel.Mostreported

thattheexperiencehadreshapedtheirlivesandworkinprofoundand

enduringways.However,DoblinfoundseriousflawsinPahnke’s

publishedaccount:Pahnkehadfailedtomentionthatseveralsubjects

hadstruggledwithacuteanxietyduringtheirexperience.Onehadtobe

restrainedandgivenaninjectionofThorazine,apowerfulantipsychotic,

afterhefledfromthechapelandheadeddownCommonwealthAvenue,

convincedhehadbeenchosentoannouncethenewsofthecomingofthe

Messiah.

InthisandasecondreviewofanotherTimothyLeary–supervised

experiment,ofrecidivismatConcordStatePrison,Doblinhadraised

troublingquestionsaboutthequalityoftheresearchdoneintheHarvard

PsilocybinProject,suggestingthattheenthusiasmoftheexperimenters

hadtaintedthereportedresults.Ifthisresearchweregoingtoberevived

andtakenseriously,Jesseconcluded,itwouldhavetobedonewith

considerablymorerigorandobjectivity.AndyettheresultsoftheGood

FridayExperimentwerehighlysuggestiveand,asBobJesseandRoland

Griffithswouldsoondecide,wellworthtryingtoreproduce.

•••

BOBJESSESPENTtheearly1990sexcavatingtheknowledgeabout

psychedelicsthathadbeenlostwhenformalresearchwashaltedand

informalresearchwentunderground.Inthis,hewasalittlelikethose

Renaissancescholarswhorediscoveredthelostworldofclassicalthought

inahandfulofmanuscriptssquirreledawayinmonasteries.However,in

thiscase,considerablylesstimehadelapsed,sotheknowledgeremained

inthebrainsofpeoplestillalive,likeJamesFadimanandMyron

StolaroffandWillisHarman(anotherBayAreaengineerturned

psychedelicresearcher),whomerelyhadtobeaskedforit,andin

scientificpapersinlibrariesanddatabases,whichmerelyhadtobe

searched.Butifthereisamodernanalogytothemedievalmonastery

wheretheworldofclassicalthoughtwassavedfromoblivion,aplace

wherethegutteringflameofpsychedelicknowledgewasassiduously

fannedduringitsowndarkage,thatplacewouldhavetobeEsalen,the

legendaryretreatcenterinBigSur,California.

PerchedonacliffoverlookingthePacificasifbarelyclingingtothe

continent,theEsalenInstitutewasfoundedin1962andeversincehas

beenacenterofgravityfortheso-calledhumanpotentialmovementin

America,servingastheunofficialcapitaloftheNewAge.Agreatmany

therapeuticandspiritualmodalitiesweredevelopedandtaughthereover

theyears,includingthetherapeuticandspiritualpotentialof

psychedelics.Beginningin1973,StanislavGrof,theCzechémigré

psychiatristwhoisoneofthepioneersofLSD-assistedpsychotherapy,

servedasscholarinresidenceatEsalen,buthehadconductedworkshops

thereforyearsbefore.Grof,whohasguidedthousandsofLSDsessions,

oncepredictedthatpsychedelics“wouldbeforpsychiatrywhatthe

microscopeisforbiologyorthetelescopeisforastronomy.Thesetools

makeitpossibletostudyimportantprocessesthatundernormal

circumstancesarenotavailablefordirectobservation.”Hundredscame

toEsalentopeerthroughthatmicroscope,ofteninworkshopsGrofled

forpsychotherapistswhowantedtoincorporatepsychedelicsintheir

practices.Manyifnotmostofthetherapistsandguidesnowdoingthis

workundergroundlearnedtheircraftatthefeetofStanGrofintheBig

HouseatEsalen.

WhethersuchworkcontinuedatEsalenafterLSDwasmadeillegalis

uncertain,butitwouldn’tbesurprising:theplaceisperchedsofarout

overtheedgeofthecontinentastofeelbeyondthereachoffederallaw

enforcement.Butatleastofficially,suchworkshopsendedwhenLSD

becameillegal.Grofbeganteachinginsteadsomethingcalledholotropic

breathwork,atechniqueforinducingapsychedelicstateofconsciousness

withoutdrugs,bymeansofdeep,rapid,andrhythmicbreathing,usually

accompaniedbylouddrumming.YetEsalen’sroleinthehistoryof

psychedelicsdidnotendwiththeirprohibition.Itbecametheplace

wherepeoplehopingtobringthesemoleculesbackintotheculture,

whetherasanadjuncttotherapyorameansofspiritualdevelopment,

mettoplottheircampaigns.

InJanuary1994,BobJessemanagedtogethimselfinvitedtoonesuch

meetingatEsalen.WhilehelpingoutwiththedishesafteraFridaynight

dinnerattheShulgins’,Jesselearnedthatagroupoftherapistsand

scientistswouldbegatheringinBigSurtodiscusstheprospectsfor

revivingpsychedelicresearch.Thereweresignsthatthedoor

Washington,D.C.,hadslammedshutonresearchinthelate1960smight

beopening,ifonlyacrack:CurtisWright,anewadministratorattheFDA

(and,asithappens,aformerstudentofRolandGriffiths’satHopkins),

hadsignaledthatresearchprotocolsforpsychedelicswouldbetreated

likeanyother—judgedontheirmerits.Testingthisnewreceptivity,a

psychiatristattheUniversityofNewMexiconamedRickStrassmanhad

soughtandreceivedapprovaltostudythephysiologicaleffectsofDMT,a

powerfulpsychedeliccompoundfoundinmanyplants.Thissmalltrial

markedthefirstfederallysanctionedexperimentwithapsychedelic

compoundsincethe1970s—inretrospect,awatershedevent.

Aroundthesametime,RickDoblinandCharlesGrob,apsychiatristat

UCLA,hadsucceededinpersuadingthegovernmenttoapprovethefirst

humantrialofMDMA.(Grobisoneofthefirstpsychiatriststoadvocate

forthereturnofpsychedelicstopsychotherapy;helaterconductedthe

firstmoderntrialofpsilocybinforcancerpatients.)Theyearbeforethe

Esalengathering(whichGrobandDoblinbothattended),DavidNichols,

aPurdueUniversitychemistandpharmacologist,launchedtheHeffter

ResearchInstitute(namedfortheGermanchemistwhofirstidentified

themescalinecompoundin1897)withthethenimprobableambitionof

fundingseriouspsychedelicscience.(Heffterhassincehelpedfundmany

ofthemoderntrialsofpsilocybin.)Sotherewerescatteredhopefulsigns

intheearly1990sthatconditionswereripeningforarevivalof

psychedelicresearch.Thetinycommunitythathadsustainedsucha

dreamthroughthedarkagesbegan,tentatively,quietly,toorganize.

EventhoughJessewasnewtothiscommunity,andneitherascientist

noratherapist,heaskedifhecouldattendtheEsalenmeetingand

offeredtomakehimselfuseful,refillingwaterglassesifthat’swhatit

took.Mostofthegatheringwastakenupwithdiscussionsofthepotential

medicalapplicationsofpsychedelics,aswellastheneedforbasic

researchontheneuroscience.Jessewasstruckbythefactthatsolittle

attentionwaspaidtothespiritualpotentialofthesecompounds.Heleft

themeetingconvincedthat“okay,thereisroomtomaneuverhere.Iwas

hopingoneofthesepeoplewouldpickuptheballandrunwithit,but

theywerebusywiththeotherball.SoImadeadecisiontoseekaleaveof

absencefromOracle.”Withinayear,JessewouldlaunchtheCouncilon

SpiritualPractices,andwithintwothecouncilwouldconveneitsown

meetingatEsalen,inJanuary1996,withtheaimofopeningasecond

frontinthecampaigntoresurrectpsychedelics.

Fittingly,thegatheringtookplaceintheMaslowRoomatEsalen,

namedforthepsychologistwhosewritingsonthehierarchyofhuman

needsunderscoredtheimportanceof“peakexperiences”inself-

actualization.Mostofthefifteeninattendancewere“psychedelicelders,”

therapistsandresearcherslikeJamesFadimanandWillisHarman,Mark

Kleiman,thenadrug-policyexpertattheKennedySchool(andRick

Doblin’sthesistutorthere),andreligiousfigureslikeHustonSmith,

BrotherDavidSteindl-Rast,andJeffreyBronfman,theheadoftheUDV

churchinAmerica(andheirtotheSeagram’sliquorfortune).ButJesse

wiselydecidedtoinviteanoutsideraswell:Charles“Bob”Schuster,who

hadservedbothRonaldReaganandGeorgeH.W.Bushasdirectorofthe

NationalInstituteonDrugAbuse.Jessedidn’tknowSchusterwellatall;

theyhadoncespokenbrieflyataconference.ButJessecameawayfrom

theencounterthinkingSchusterjustmightbereceptivetoaninvitation.

ExactlywhyBobSchuster—aleadingfigureintheacademic

establishmentundergirdingthedrugwar—wouldbeopentotheideaof

comingtoEsalentodiscussthespiritualpotentialofpsychedelicswasa

mystery,atleastuntilIhadtheopportunitytospeaktohiswidow,Chris-

EllynJohanson.Johanson,whoisalsoadrugresearcher,painteda

pictureofamanofexceptionallybroadinterestsanddeepcuriosity.

“Bobwasopen-mindedtoafault,”shetoldme,withalaugh.“He

wouldtalktoanyone.”LikemanypeopleintheNIDAcommunity,

Schusterwellunderstoodthatpsychedelicsfitawkwardlyintotheprofile

ofadrugofabuse;animals,giventhechoice,willnotself-administera

psychedelicmorethanonce,andtheclassicalpsychedelicsexhibit

remarkablylittletoxicity.IaskedJohansonifSchusterhadevertakena

psychedelichimself;RolandGriffithshadtoldmehethoughtitwas

possible.(“Bobwasajazzmusician,”Griffithstoldme,“soIwouldn’tbe

atallsurprised.”)ButJohansonsaidno.“Hewasdefinitelycuriousabout

them,”shetoldme,“butIthinkhewastooafraid.Weweremartini

people.”Iaskedifhewasaspiritualman.“Notreally,thoughIthinkhe

wouldhavelikedtohavebeen.”

Jesse,notquitesurewhatSchusterwouldmakeofthemeeting,

arrangedtohaveJimFadimanbunkwithhim,instructingFadiman,a

psychologist,tocheckhimout.“EarlythenextmorningJimfoundme

andsaid,‘Bob,missionaccomplished.Youhavefoundagemofahuman

being.’”

SchusterthoroughlyenjoyedhistimeatEsalen,accordingtohiswife.

HetookpartinadrummingcircleJessehadarranged—youdon’tleave

Esalenwithoutdoingsomesuchthing—andwasamazedtodiscoverhow

easilyhecouldslipintoatrance.ButSchusteralsomadesomekey

contributionstothegroup’sdeliberations.HewarnedJesseoffworking

withMDMA,whichhebelievedwastoxictothebrainandhadbythen

acquiredanunsavoryreputationasaclubdrug.Healsosuggestedthat

psilocybinwasamuchbettercandidateforresearchthanLSD,largelyfor

politicalreasons:becausesomanyfewerpeoplehadheardofit,

psilocybincarriednoneofthepoliticalandculturalbaggageofLSD.

Bytheendofthemeeting,theEsalengrouphadsettledonashortlist

ofobjectives,someofthemmodest—todraftacodeofethicsforspiritual

guides—andothersmoreambitious:“togetaboveboard,unimpeachable

researchdone,ataninstitutionwithinvestigatorsbeyondreproach,”and,

ideally,“dothiswithoutanypretextofclinicaltreatment.”

“Weweren’tsurethatwaspossible,”Jessetoldme,butheandhis

colleaguesbelieved“itwouldbeabigmistakeifmedicalizationisallthat

happens.”Whyamistake?BecauseBobJessewasultimatelyless

interestedinpeople’smentalproblemsthanwiththeirspiritualwell-

being—inusingentheogensforthebettermentofwellpeople.

ShortlyaftertheEsalenmeeting,Schustermadewhatwouldturnout

tobehismostimportantcontribution:tellingBobJesseabouthisold

friendRolandGriffiths,whomhedescribedasexactly“theinvestigator

beyondreproach”Jessewaslookingforand“ascientistofthefirstorder.”

“EverythingRoland’sdonehe’sdevotedhimselftocompletely,”Jesse

recallsSchustersaying,“includinghismeditationpractice.Wethinkit’s

changedhim.”GriffithshadsharedwithSchusterhisgrowing

dissatisfactionwithscienceandhisdeepeninginterestinthekindof

“ultimatequestions”comingupinhismeditationpractice.Schusterthen

madethecalltoGriffithstellinghimabouttheinterestingyoungman

he’djustmetatEsalen,explainingthattheysharedaninterestin

spirituality,andsuggestingtheyshouldmeet.Afteranexchangeofe-

mails,JesseflewtoBaltimoretohavelunchwithGriffithsinthecafeteria

ontheBayviewmedicalcampus,inauguratingaseriesofconversations

andmeetingsthatwouldeventuallyleadtotheircollaborationonthe

2006studyofpsilocybinandmysticalexperienceatJohnsHopkins.

•••

BUTTHEREWASSTILLonemissingpieceofthepuzzleandthescientific

team.MostofthedrugtrialsGriffithshadruninthepastinvolved

baboonsandothernonhumanprimates;hehadmuchlessclinical

experienceworkingwithhumansandrealizedheneededaskilled

therapisttojointheproject—a“masterclinician,”asheputit.Asit

happened,BobJessehadmetapsychologistatapsychedelicconferencea

fewyearsbeforewhonotonlyfilledthebillbutlivedinBaltimore.Still

morefortuitous,thispsychologist,whosenamewasBillRichards,

probablyhasmoreexperienceguidingpsychedelicjourneysinthe1960s

and1970sthananyonealive,withthepossibleexceptionofStanGrof

(withwhomhehadonceworked).Infact,BillRichardsadministeredthe

verylastlegaldoseofpsilocybintoanAmerican,attheMaryland

PsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGroveStateHospitalinthespring

of1977.Inthedecadessince,hehadbeenpracticingmoreconventional

psychotherapyoutofhishomeinaleafyBaltimoreneighborhoodcalled

WindsorHills,bidinghistimeandwaitingpatientlyfortheworldto

comearoundsothathemightworkwithpsychedelicsonceagain.

“Inthebigpicture,”hetoldmethefirsttimewemetinhishome

office,“thesedrugshavebeenaroundatleastfivethousandyears,and

manytimestheyhavesurfacedandhavebeenrepressed,sothiswas

anothercycle.Butthemushroomstillgrows,andeventuallythiswork

wouldcomearoundagain.OrsoIhoped.”WhenhegotthecallfromBob

Jessein1998,andmetRolandGriffithsshortlythereafter,hecouldn’t

quitebelievehisgoodfortune.“Itwasthrilling.”

BillRichards,apreternaturallycheerfulmaninhisseventies,isa

bridgebetweenthetwoerasofpsychedelictherapy.WalterPahnkewas

thebestmanathiswedding;heworkedcloselywithStanGrofatSpring

GroveandvisitedTimothyLearyinMillbrook,NewYork,whereLeary

landedafterhisexilefromHarvard.ThoughRichardslefttheMidwest

halfacenturyago,he’sretainedthespeechpatternsofruralMichigan,

wherehewasbornin1940.Richardstodaysportsawhitegoatee,laughs

withaninfectiouscackle,andendsmanyofhissentenceswithacheerful,

up-spoken“y’know?”

Richards,whoholdsgraduatedegreesinbothpsychologyanddivinity,

hadhisfirstpsychedelicexperiencewhileadivinitystudentatYalein

1963.HewasspendingtheyearstudyinginGermany,attheUniversityof

Göttingen,andfoundhimselfdrawntotheDepartmentofPsychiatry,

wherehelearnedaboutaresearchprojectinvolvingadrugcalled

psilocybin.

“Ihadnoideawhatthatwas,buttwofriendsofminehadparticipated

andhadhadinterestingexperiences.”Oneofthem,whosefatherhad

beenkilledinthewar,hadregressedtochildhoodtofindhimselfsitting

onhisfather’slap.TheotherhadhallucinationsofSSmenmarchingin

thestreet.“Ihadneverhadadecenthallucination,”Richardssaidwitha

chuckle,“andIwastryingtogetsomeinsightintomychildhood.Inthose

days,Iviewedmyownmindasapsychologicallaboratory,soIdecidedto

volunteer.

“Thiswasbeforetheimportanceofsetandsettingwasunderstood.I

wasbroughttoabasementroom,givenaninjection,andleftalone.”A

recipeforabadtrip,surely,butRichardshadpreciselytheopposite

experience.“Ifeltimmersedinthisincrediblydetailedimagerythat

lookedlikeIslamicarchitecture,withArabicscript,aboutwhichIknew

nothing.AndthenIsomehowbecametheseexquisitelyintricatepatterns,

losingmyusualidentity.AndallIcansayisthattheeternalbrillianceof

mysticalconsciousnessmanifesteditself.Myawarenesswasfloodedwith

love,beauty,andpeacebeyondanythingIeverhadknownorimaginedto

bepossible.‘Awe,’‘glory,’and‘gratitude’weretheonlywordsthat

remainedrelevant.”

Descriptionsofsuchexperiencesalwayssoundalittlethin,atleast

whencomparedwiththeemotionalimpactpeoplearetryingtoconvey;

foralife-transformingevent,thewordscanseempaltry.WhenI

mentionedthistoRichards,hesmiled.“Youhavetoimagineacaveman

transportedintothemiddleofManhattan.Heseesbuses,cellphones,

skyscrapers,airplanes.Thenzaphimbacktohiscave.Whatdoeshesay

abouttheexperience?‘Itwasbig,itwasimpressive,itwasloud.’He

doesn’thavethevocabularyfor‘skyscraper,’‘elevator,’‘cellphone.’

Maybehehasanintuitivesensetherewassomesortofsignificanceor

ordertothescene.Buttherearewordsweneedthatdon’tyetexist.We’ve

gotfivecrayonswhenweneedfiftythousanddifferentshades.”

Inthemiddleofhisjourney,oneofthepsychiatricresidentsstopped

bytheroomtolookinonRichards,askinghimtositupsohecouldtest

hisreflexes.Astheresidenttappedhispatellartendonwithhislittle

rubberhammer,Richardsremembersfeeling“compassionfortheinfancy

ofscience.Theresearchershadnoideawhatreallywashappeninginmy

innerexperientialworld,ofitsunspeakablebeautyorofitspotential

importanceforallofus.”Afewdaysaftertheexperience,Richards

returnedtothelabandasked,“Whatwasthatdrugyougaveme?Howis

itspelled?

“Andtherestofmylifeisfootnotes!”

Yetafterseveralsubsequentpsilocybinsessionsfailedtoproduce

anothermysticalexperience,Richardsstartedtowonderifperhapshe

hadexaggeratedthatfirsttrip.Sometimelater,WalterPahnkearrivedat

theuniversity,freshfromhisgraduateworkwithTimothyLearyat

Harvard,andthetwobecamefriends.(ItwasRichardswhogavePahnke

hisfirstpsychedelictripwhilethetwowereinGermany;hehad

apparentlynevertakenLSDorpsilocybinatHarvard,thinkingitmight

compromisetheobjectivityoftheGoodFridayExperiment.)Pahnke

suggestedRichardstryonemoretime,butinaroomwithsoftlighting,

plants,andmusicandusingahigherdose.Onceagain,Richardshad“an

incrediblyprofoundexperience.IrealizedIhadnotexaggeratedthefirst

tripbutinfacthadforgotten80percentofit.

“Ihaveneverdoubtedthevalidityoftheseexperiences,”Richardstold

me.“ThiswastherealmofmysticalconsciousnessthatShankarawas

talkingabout,thatPlotinuswaswritingabout,thatSaintJohnofthe

CrossandMeisterEckhartwerewritingabout.It’salsowhatAbraham

Maslowwastalkingaboutwithhis‘peakexperiences,’thoughAbecould

gettherewithoutthedrugs.”Richardswouldgoontostudypsychology

underMaslowatBrandeisUniversity.“AbewasanaturalJewishmystic.

Hecouldjustliedowninthebackyardandhaveamysticalexperience.

Psychedelicsareforthoseofuswhoaren’tsoinnatelygifted.”

Richardsemergedfromthosefirstpsychedelicexplorationsin

possessionofthreeunshakableconvictions.Thefirstisthatthe

experienceofthesacredreportedbothbythegreatmysticsandbypeople

onhigh-dosepsychedelicjourneysisthesameexperienceandis“real”—

thatis,notjustafigmentoftheimagination.

“Yougodeepenoughorfaroutenoughinconsciousnessandyouwill

bumpintothesacred.It’snotsomethingwegenerate;it’ssomethingout

therewaitingtobediscovered.Andthisreliablyhappenstononbelievers

aswellasbelievers.”Second,that,whetheroccasionedbydrugsorother

means,theseexperiencesofmysticalconsciousnessareinalllikelihood

theprimalbasisofreligion.(PartlyforthisreasonRichardsbelievesthat

psychedelicsshouldbepartofadivinitystudent’seducation.)Andthird,

thatconsciousnessisapropertyoftheuniverse,notbrains.Onthis

question,heholdswithHenriBergson,theFrenchphilosopher,who

conceivedofthehumanmindasakindofradioreceiver,abletotunein

tofrequenciesofenergyandinformationthatexistoutsideit.“Ifyou

wantedtofindtheblondewhodeliveredthenewslastnight,”Richards

offeredbywayofananalogy,“youwouldn’tlookforherintheTVset.”

Thetelevisionsetis,likethehumanbrain,necessarybutnotsufficient.

AfterRichardsfinishedwithhisgraduatestudiesinthelate1960s,he

foundworkasaresearchfellowattheSpringGroveStateHospital

outsideBaltimore,whereamostimprobablecounterfactualhistoryof

psychedelicresearchwasquietlyunfolding,farfromthenoiseandglare

surroundingTimothyLeary.Indeed,thisisacasewheretheforceofthe

Learynarrativehasbentthereceivedhistoryoutofshape,suchthat

manyofusassumetherewasnoseriouspsychedelicresearchbefore

LearyarrivedatHarvardandnoseriousresearchafterhewasfired.But

untilBillRichardsadministeredpsilocybintohislastvolunteerin1977,

SpringGrovewasactively(andwithoutmuchcontroversy)conductingan

ambitiousprogramofpsychedelicresearch—muchofitundergrants

fromtheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth—withschizophrenics,

alcoholicsandotheraddicts,cancerpatientsstrugglingwithanxiety,

religiousandmentalhealthprofessionals,andpatientswithsevere

personalitydisorders.Severalhundredpatientsandvolunteersreceived

psychedelictherapyatSpringGrovebetweentheearly1960sandthe

mid-1970s.Inmanycases,theresearchersweregettingverygoodresults

inwell-designedstudiesthatwerebeingregularlypublishedinpeer-

reviewedjournalssuchasJAMAandtheArchivesofGeneralPsychiatry.

(RolandGriffithsisoftheopinionthatmuchofthisresearchis“suspect,”

butRichardstoldme,“Thesestudiesweren’tasbadaspeoplelikeRoland

mightimply.”)Itisremarkablejusthowmuchoftheworkbeingdone

today,atHopkinsandNYUandotherplaces,wasprefiguredatSpring

Grove;indeed,itishardtofindacontemporaryexperimentwith

psychedelicsthatwasn’talreadydoneinMarylandinthe1960sor1970s.

Atleastatthebeginning,theSpringGrovepsychedelicworkenjoyed

lotsofpublicsupport.In1965,CBSNewsbroadcastanadmiringhour-

long“specialreport”onthehospital’sworkwithalcoholics,calledLSD:

TheSpringGroveExperiment.Theresponsetotheprogramwasso

positivethattheMarylandstatelegislatureestablishedamultimillion-

dollarresearchfacilityonthecampusoftheSpringGroveStateHospital,

calledtheMarylandPsychiatricResearchCenter.StanGrof,Walter

Pahnke,andBillRichardswerehiredtohelprunit,alongwithseveral

dozenothertherapists,psychiatrists,pharmacologists,andsupportstaff.

Equallyhardtobelievetodayisthefactthat,asRichardstoldme,

“wheneverwehiredsomeone,theywouldreceiveacoupleofLSD

sessionsaspartoftheirtrainingtodothework.Wehadauthorization!

Howelsecouldyoubesensitivetowhatwasgoingoninthemindofthe

patient?IwishwecoulddothatatHopkins.”

ThefactthatsuchanambitiousresearchprogramcontinuedatSpring

Grovewellintothe1970ssuggeststhestoryofthesuppressionof

psychedelicresearchisalittlemorecomplicatedthantheconventional

narrativewouldindicate.Whileitistruethatsomeresearchprojects—

suchasJimFadiman’screativitytrialsinPaloAlto—receivedordersfrom

Washingtontostop,otherprojectsonlong-termgrantswereallowedto

continueuntilthemoneyranout,asiteventuallydid.Ratherthanshut

downallresearch,asmanyinthepsychedeliccommunitybelieve

happened,thegovernmentsimplymadeitmoredifficulttogetapprovals,

andfundinggraduallydriedup.Astimewenton,researchersfoundthat

ontopofallthebureaucraticandfinancialhurdlestheyalsohadtodeal

with“thesnickertest”:Howwouldyourcolleaguesreactwhenyoutold

themyouwererunningexperimentswithLSD?Bythemid-1970s,

psychedelicshadbecomesomethingofascientificembarrassment—not

becausetheywereafailure,butbecausetheyhadbecomeidentifiedwith

thecountercultureandwithdisgracedscientistssuchasTimothyLeary.

Buttherewasnothingembarrassingaboutpsychedelicresearchat

SpringGroveinthelate1960sandearly1970s.Then,andthere,itlooked

likethefuture.“Wethoughtthiswasthemostincrediblefrontierin

psychiatry,”Richardsrecalls.“Wewouldallsitaroundtheconference

tabletalkingabouthowweweregoingtotrainthehundredsifnot

thousandsoftherapiststhatwouldbeneededtodothiswork.(Andlook,

we’rehavingthesameconversationagaintoday!)Therewere

internationalconferencesonpsychedelicresearch,andwehadcolleagues

throughoutEuropedoingsimilarwork.Thefieldwastakingoff.Butin

theendthesocietalforceswerestrongerthanwewere.”

In1971,RichardNixondeclaredTimothyLeary,awashed-up

psychologyprofessor,“themostdangerousmaninAmerica.”

Psychedelicswerenourishingthecounterculture,andthecounterculture

wassappingthewillingnessofAmerica’syoungtofight.TheNixon

administrationsoughttobluntthecounterculturebyattackingits

neurochemicalinfrastructure.

Wasthesuppressionofpsychedelicresearchinevitable?Manyofthe

researchersIinterviewedfeelthatitmighthavebeenavoidedhadthe

drugsnotleapedthelaboratorywalls—acontingencythat,fairlyornot,

mostofthemblamesquarelyonthe“antics,”“misbehavior,”and

“evangelism”ofTimothyLeary.

StanislavGrofbelievesthatpsychedelicsloosed“theDionysian

element”on1960sAmerica,posingathreattothecountry’spuritan

valuesthatwasboundtoberepulsed.(Hetoldmehealsothinksthe

samethingcouldhappenagain.)RolandGriffithspointsoutthatoursis

notthefirstculturetofeelthreatenedbypsychedelics:thereasonR.

GordonWassonhadtorediscovermagicmushroomsinMexicowasthat

theSpanishhadsuppressedthemsoeffectively,deemingthemdangerous

instrumentsofpaganism.

“Thatsayssomethingimportantabouthowreluctantculturesareto

exposethemselvestothechangesthesekindsofcompoundscan

occasion,”hetoldmethefirsttimewemet.“Thereissomuchauthority

thatcomesoutoftheprimarymysticalexperiencethatitcanbe

threateningtoexistinghierarchicalstructures.”

•••

BYTHEMID-1970S,theLSDworkatSpringGrove,muchofwhichwasstate

funded,hadbecomeapoliticalhotpotatoinAnnapolis.In1975,the

RockefellerCommissioninvestigatingtheCIAdisclosedthattheagency

hadalsobeenrunningLSDexperimentsinMaryland,atFortDetrick,as

partofamind-controlprojectcalledMK-Ultra.(Aninternalmemothe

commissionreleasedconciselysetforththeagency’sobjective:“Canwe

getcontrolofanindividualtothepointwherehewilldoourbidding

againsthiswillandevenagainstfundamentallawsofnature,suchasself-

preservation?”)ItwasrevealedthattheCIAwasdosingbothgovernment

employeesandcivilianswithouttheirknowledge;atleastonepersonhad

died.ThenewsthatMarylandtaxpayerswerealsosupportingresearch

withLSDpromptlyblewupintoascandal,andpressuretoclosedown

psychedelicresearchatSpringGrovebecameirresistible.

“Prettysoonitwasjustmeandtwosecretaries,”Richardsrecalls.“And

thenitwasover.”

TodayRolandGriffiths,whowouldpickupthethreadofresearchthat

wasdroppedwhentheworkatSpringGroveended,marvelsatthefact

thatthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearch,promisingasitwas,wouldend

forreasonshavingnothingtodowithscience.“Weendedupdemonizing

thesecompounds.Canyouthinkofanotherareaofsciencethoughttobe

sodangerousandtaboothatallresearchgetsshutdownfordecades?It’s

unprecedentedinmodernscience.”Sotoo,perhaps,isthesheeramount

ofscientificknowledgethatwassimplyerased.

In1998,Griffiths,Jesse,andRichardsbegandesigningapilotstudy

looselybasedontheGoodFridayExperiment.“Itwasn’tapsychotherapy

study,”Richardspointsout.“Itwasastudydesignedtodetermine

whetherpsilocybincanelicitatranscendentalexperience.Thatwewere

abletoobtainpermissiontogiveittohealthynormalsisatributeto

Roland’slonghistoryofcommandingrespectbothatHopkinsandin

Washington.”In1999,theprotocolwasapproved,butonlyafterwending

itswaythroughfivelayersofreviewatHopkinsaswellastheFDAand

theDEA.(ManyofGriffiths’sHopkinscolleagueswereskepticalofthe

proposal,worriedpsychedelicresearchmightjeopardizefederalfunding;

onetoldmetherewere“peopleintheDepartmentofPsychiatryandthe

broaderinstitutionwhoquestionedthework,becausethisclassof

compoundscarriesalotofbaggagefromthe’60s.”)

“Wehadfaiththatthepeopleonallthesecommitteeswouldbegood

scientists,”Richardstoldme.“Andwithluckmaybeafewofthemhad

triedmushroomsincollege!”RolandGriffithsbecametheprincipal

investigatorofthetrial,BillRichardsbecametheclinicaldirector,and

BobJessecontinuedtoworkbehindthescenes.

“IcanvividlyrememberthefirstsessionIranafterthatlongtwenty-

two-yearhiatus,”Richardsrecalled.HeandIweretogetherinthesession

roomatHopkins;Iwassittingonthecouchwherethevolunteerslie

downduringtheirjourneys,andRichardswasinthechairwherehehas

nowsatandguidedmorethanahundredpsilocybinjourneyssince1999.

Theroomfeelsmorelikeadenorlivingroomthanaroomina

laboratory,withaplushsofa,vaguelyspiritualpaintingsonthewalls,a

sculptureoftheBuddhaonasidetable,andshelvesholdingagiantstone

mushroomandvariousothernondenominationalspiritualartifacts,as

wellasthesmallchaliceinwhichthevolunteersreceivetheirpills.

“Thisguyislyingonthecouchrighttherewhereyouare,withtears

streamingdownhisface,andI’mthinking,howabsolutelybeautifuland

meaningfulthisexperienceis.Howsacred.Howcanthiseverhavebeen

illegal?It’sasifwemadeenteringGothiccathedralsillegal,ormuseums,

orsunsets!

“Ihonestlyneverknewifthiswouldhappenagaininmylifetime.And

lookatwherewearenow:theworkatHopkinshasbeengoingonnowfor

fifteenyears—fiveyearslongerthanSpringGrove.”

•••

IN1999,anoddbutintriguingadvertisementbeganappearinginweeklies

intheBaltimoreandWashington,D.C.,area,undertheheadline

“InterestedintheSpiritualLife?”

Universityresearchwithentheogens(roughly,God-evoking

substancessuchaspeyoteandsacredmushrooms)has

returned.Thefieldofstudyincludespharmacology,

psychology,creativityenhancement,andspirituality.To

explorethepossibilityofparticipatinginconfidential

entheogenresearchprojects,call1-888-585-8870,tollfree.

www.csp.org.

Notlongafter,BillRichardsandMaryCosimano,asocialworkerand

schoolguidancecounselorRichardsrecruitedtohelphimguide

psychedelicsessions,administeredthefirstlegaldoseofpsilocybintoan

Americanintwenty-twoyears.Intheyearssince,theHopkinsteamhas

conductedmorethanthreehundredpsilocybinsessions,workingina

varietyofpopulations,includinghealthynormals,long-termandnovice

meditators,cancerpatients,smokersseekingtobreaktheirhabit,and

religiousprofessionals.Iwascurioustogetthevolunteer’s-eyeviewof

theexperiencefromallthesetypes,butespeciallyfromthatfirstcohortof

healthynormals,partlybecausetheywereparticipantsinastudythat

wouldturnouttobehistoricallyimportantandpartlybecauseIfigured

theywouldbethemostlike,well,me.Whatisitliketohavealegally

sanctioned,professionallyguided,optimallycomfortablehigh-dose

psilocybinexperience?

Yetthevolunteersinthefirstexperimentswerenotexactlylikeme,

becauseatthetimeIdoubtIwouldhavereadpast“Interestedinthe

SpiritualLife?”Therewerenostone-coldatheistsintheoriginalgroup,

andinterviewswithnearlyadozenofthemsuggestedmanyifnotmostof

themcameintothestudywithspiritualleaningstoonedegreeor

another.Therewasanenergyhealer,amanwho’ddonethewholeIron

Johntrip,aformerFranciscanfriar,andanherbalist.Therewasalsoa

physicistwithaninterestinZenandaphilosophyprofessorwithan

interestintheology.RolandGriffithsacknowledged,“Wewereinterested

inaspiritualeffectandwerebiasingtheconditioninitially[inthat

direction].”

Thatsaid,Griffithswenttogreatlengthsinthedesignofthestudyto

controlfor“expectancyeffects.”InpartthisowedtoGriffiths’sskepticism

thatadrugcouldoccasionthesamekindofmysticalexperiencehehad

hadinhismeditation:“ThisisalltruthtoBillandhypothesistome.So

weneededtocontrolforBill’sbiases.”Allofthevolunteerswere

“hallucinogennaive,”sohadnoideawhatpsilocybinfeltlike,andneither

theynortheirmonitorsknewinanygivensessionwhethertheywere

gettingpsilocybinoraplacebo,andwhetherthatplacebowasasugarpill

oranyoneofhalfadozendifferentpsychoactivedrugs.Infactthe

placebowasRitalin,andasitturnedout,themonitorsguessedwrong

nearlyaquarterofthetimeastowhatwasinthepillavolunteerhad

received.

Evenyearsaftertheirexperiencesinthetrials,thevolunteersIspoke

torecalledtheminvividdetailandatconsiderablelength;theinterviews

lastedhours.Thesepeoplehadbigstoriestotell;inseveralcases,these

werethemostmeaningfulexperiencesoftheirlives,andtheyclearly

relishedtheopportunitytorelivethemformeingreatdetail,whetherin

person,bySkype,oronthetelephone.Thevolunteerswerealsorequired

towriteareportoftheirexperiencessoonaftertheyoccurred,andallof

theonesIinterviewedwerehappytosharethesereports,whichmadefor

strangeandfascinatingreading.

ManyofthevolunteersIspoketoreportedinitialepisodesofintense

fearandanxietybeforesurrenderingthemselvestotheexperience—asthe

sittersencouragethemtodo.Thesittersworkfromasetof“flight

instructions”preparedbyBillRichards,basedonthehundredsof

psychedelicjourneyshehasguided.Theguidesgoovertheinstructions

withthevolunteersduringtheeighthoursofpreparationallofthem

receivebeforecommencingtheirjourneys.

Theflightinstructionsadviseguidestousemantraslike“Trustthe

trajectory”and“TLO—Trust,LetGo,BeOpen.”Someguidesliketoquote

JohnLennon:“Turnoffyourmind,relaxandfloatdownstream.”

Volunteersaretoldtheymayexperiencethe“death/transcendenceof

youregooreverydayself,”butthisis“alwaysfollowedbyRebirth/Return

tothenormativeworldofspace&time.Safestwaytoreturntonormalis

toentrustselfunconditionallytotheemergingexperiences.”Guidesare

instructedtoremindvolunteersthey’llneverbeleftaloneandnotto

worryaboutthebodywhilejourneyingbecausetheguidesarethereto

keepaneyeonit.Ifyoufeelasifyouare“dying,melting,dissolving,

exploding,goingcrazyetc.—goahead.”Volunteersarequizzed:“Ifyou

seeadoor,whatdoyoudo?Ifyouseeastaircase,whatdoyoudo?”

“Openit”and“climbupit”areofcoursetherightanswers.

Thiscarefulpreparationmeansthatacertainexpectancyeffectis

probablyunavoidable.Afterall,theresearchersarepreparingpeoplefor

amajorexperience,involvingdeathandrebirthandholdingthepotential

fortransformation.“Itwouldbeirresponsiblenottowarnvolunteers

thesethingscouldhappen,”GriffithspointedoutwhenIaskedifhis

volunteerswerebeing“primed”foracertainkindofexperience.One

volunteer—thephysicist—toldmethatthe“mysticalexperience

questionnaire”hefilledoutaftereverysessionalsoplantedexpectations.

“Ilongtoseesomeofthestuffhintedatinthequestionnaire,”hewrote

afteranunderwhelmingsession—perhapsontheplacebo.“Seeing

everythingasaliveandconnected,meetingthevoid,orsome

embodimentofdeitiesandthingslikethat.”Inthisandsomanyother

ways,itseems,theHopkinspsilocybinexperienceistheartifactnotonly

ofthispowerfulmoleculebutalsoofthepreparationandexpectationsof

thevolunteer,theskillsandworldviewsofthesitters,BillRichards’s

flightinstructions,thedecoroftheroom,theinwardfocusencouragedby

theeyeshadesandthemusic(andthemusicitself,muchofwhichtomy

earssoundsnotablyreligious),and,thoughtheymightnotbepleasedto

hearit,themindsofthedesignersoftheexperiments.

Thesheersuggestibilityofpsychedelicsisoneoftheirdefining

characteristics,soinonesenseitisnowonderthatsomanyofthefirst

cohortofvolunteersatHopkinshadpowerfulmysticalexperiences:the

experimentwasdesignedbythreemenintenselyinterestedinmystical

statesofconsciousness.(AnditislikewisenowonderthattheEuropean

researchersIinterviewedallfailedtoseeasmanyinstancesofmystical

experienceintheirsubjectsastheAmericansdidintheirs.)Andyet,for

allthepriminggoingon,thefactremainsthatthepeoplewhoreceiveda

placebosimplydidn’thavethekindsofexperiencesthatvolunteerafter

volunteerdescribedtomeasthemostmeaningfulorsignificantintheir

lives.

Soonafteravolunteertakesherpillfromthelittlechalice,butbefore

shefeelsanyeffects,RolandGriffithswillusuallydropbythesession

roomtowishherbonvoyage.Griffithsoftenusesaparticularmetaphor

thatmadeanimpressiononmanyofthevolunteersIspoketo.“Thinkof

yourselfasanastronautbeingblastedintoouterspace,”RichardBoothby

recalledhimsaying.Boothbyisaphilosophyprofessorwhowasinhis

earlyfiftieswhenhevolunteeredatHopkins.“You’regoingwayoutthere

totakeitallinandengagewithwhateveryoufindthere,butyoucanbe

confidentthatwe’llbeherekeepinganeyeonthings.Thinkofusas

groundcontrol.We’vegotyoucovered.”

Fortheastronautbeingblastedintospace,theshudderofliftoffand

strainofescapingEarth’sgravitationalfieldcanbewrenching—even

terrifying.Severalvolunteersdescribetryingtoholdonfordearlifeas

theyfelttheirsenseofselfrapidlydisintegrating.BrianTurner,whoat

thetimeofhisjourneywasaforty-four-year-oldphysicistworkingfora

militarycontractor(withasecurityclearance),putitthisway:

Icouldfeelmybodydissolving,beginningwithmyfeet,until

italldisappearedbuttheleftsideofmyjaw.Itwasreally

unpleasant;Icouldcountonlyafewteethleftandthebottom

partofmyjaw.IknewthatifthatwentawayIwouldbegone.

ThenIrememberedwhattheytoldme,thatwheneveryou

encounteranythingscary,gotowardit.Soinsteadofbeing

afraidofdyingIgotcuriousaboutwhatwasgoingon.Iwas

nolongertryingtoavoiddying.Insteadofrecoilingfromthe

experience,Ibegantointerrogateit.Andwiththat,thewhole

situationdissolvedintothispleasantfloatyfeeling,andI

becamethemusicforawhile.

Soonafter,hefoundhimself“inalargecavewhereallmypast

relationshipswerehangingdownasicicles:thepersonwhosatnexttome

insecondgrade,highschoolfriends,myfirstgirlfriend,allofthemwere

there,encasedinice.Itwasverycool.Ithoughtabouteachofthemin

turn,rememberingeverythingaboutourrelationship.Itwasareview—

somethingaboutthetrajectoryofmylife.Allthesepeoplehadmademe

whatIhadbecome.”

AmyCharnay,anutritionistandherbalistinherthirties,cameto

Hopkinsafteracrisis.Anavidrunner,shehadbeenstudyingforest

ecologywhenshefellfromatreeandshatteredherankle,endingboth

herrunningandherforestrycareers.Intheearlymomentsofher

journey,Amywasovercomebywavesofguiltandfear.

“ThevisualIhadwasfromthe1800sandIwasuponthisstage.Two

peoplenexttomewereslippinganoosearoundmyneckwhileacrowdof

peoplewatched,cheeringformydeath.Ifeltdrenchedwithguilt,just

terrified.Iwasinahellrealm.AndIrememberBillasking,‘What’sgoing

on?’

“‘I’mexperiencingalotofguilt.’Billreplied,‘That’saverycommon

humanexperience,’andwiththat,thewholeimageofbeinghanged

pixilatedandthenjustdisappeared,tobereplacedbythistremendous

sensationoffreedomandinterconnectedness.Thiswashugeforme.I

sawthatifIcannameandadmitafeeling,confessittosomeone,itwould

letgo.Alittleolderandwiser,nowIcandothisformyself.”

Sometimelater,Charnayfoundherselfflyingaroundtheworldand

throughtimeperchedonthebackofabird.“Iwasawareenoughtoknow

mybodywasonthecouch,butIwasleavingmybodyandexperiencing

thesethingsfirsthand.Ifoundmyselfinadrummingcirclewithan

indigenoustribesomewhere,andIwasbeinghealedbutwasalsobeing

thehealer.Thiswasveryprofoundforme.Nothavingthattraditional

lineage[ofahealer],IhadalwaysfeltlikeIwasaphonydoingplant

medicine,butthismademeseeIwasconnectedtotheplantsandto

peoplewhouseplants,whetherforritualsorpsychedelicsorsalad!”

Duringasubsequentsession,Charnayreconnectedwithaboyfriend

fromheryouthwhohaddiedinacaraccidentatnineteen.“Allofa

suddenthereisapieceofPhillivinginmyleftshoulder.I’veneverhadan

experiencelikethat,butitwassoreal.Idon’tknowwhyhe’syellowand

livesinmyleftshoulder—whatdoesthatevenmean?—butIdon’tcare.

He’sbackwithme.”Suchreconnectionswiththedeadarenot

uncommon.RichardBoothby,whosetwenty-three-year-oldsonhad

committedsuicideayearearlierafteryearsofdrugaddiction,toldme,

“Oliverwasmorepresenttomenowthanhehadeverbeenbefore.”

Thesupremeimportanceofsurrenderingtotheexperience,however

frighteningorbizarre,isstressedinthepreparatorysessionsandfigures

largelyinmanypeople’sjourneys,andbeyond.Boothby,thephilosopher,

tooktheadvicetoheartandfoundthathecouldusetheideaasakindof

tooltoshapetheexperienceinrealtime.Hewrote:

EarlyonIbegantoperceivethattheeffectsofthedrug

respondstrikinglytomyownsubjectivedetermination.If,in

responsetotheswellingintensityofthewholeexperience,I

begantotenseupwithanxiety,thewholesceneappearsto

tighteninsomeway.ButifIthenconsciouslyremindmyself

torelax,toletmyselfgointotheexperience,theeffectis

dramatic.ThespaceinwhichIseemtofindmyself,already

enormous,suddenlyyawnsopenevenfurtherandtheshapes

thatundulatebeforemyeyesappeartoexplodewithnewand

evenmoreextravagantpatterns.OverandoveragainIhad

theoverwhelmingsenseofinfinitybeingmultipliedby

anotherinfinity.Ijokedtomywifeasshedrovemehome

thatIfeltasifIhadbeenrepeatedlysuckedintotheasshole

ofGod.

Boothbyhadwhatsoundsverymuchlikeaclassicmysticalexperience,

thoughhemaybethefirstinthelonglineofWesternmysticstoenterthe

divinerealmthroughthatparticularaperture.

AtthedepthsofthisdeliriumIconceivedthatIwaseither

dyingor,mostbizarrely,Iwasalreadydead.Allpointsof

secureattachmenttoatrustworthysenseofrealityhadfallen

away.WhynotthinkthatIamdead?Andifthisisdying,I

thought,thensobeit.HowcanIsaynotothis?

Atthispoint,atthegreatestdepthoftheexperience,Ifelt

allmyorganizingcategoriesofopposition—dreamingand

wakefulness,lifeanddeath,insideandoutside,selfandother

—collapseintoeachother...Realityappearedtofoldinon

itself,toimplodeinakindofecstaticcatastropheoflogic.Yet

inthemidstofthishallucinatoryhurricaneIwashavinga

weirdexperienceofultra-sublimity.AndIremember

repeatingtomyselfagainandagain,“Nothingmatters,

nothingmattersanymore.Iseethepoint!Nothingmattersat

all.”

Andthenitwasover.

Duringthelastfewhours,realitybeganslowly,effortlessly,to

stitchitselfbacktogether.Insyncwithsomeparticularly

wowingchoralmusic,Ihadanincrediblymovingsenseof

triumphantreawakening,asifanewdayweredawningafter

alongandharrowingnight.

•••

ATTHESAMETIMEIwasinterviewingRichardBoothbyandhisfellow

volunteers,IwasreadingWilliamJames’saccountofmystical

consciousnessinTheVarietiesofReligiousExperienceinthehopeof

orientingmyself.AndindeedmuchofwhatJameshadtosayhelpedme

getmybearingsamidthetorrentofwordsandimagesIwascollecting.

Jamesprefacedhisdiscussionofmysticalstatesofconsciousnessby

admittingthat“myownconstitutionshutsmeoutfromtheirenjoyment

almostentirely.”Almostentirely:whatJamesknowsaboutmystical

stateswasgleanednotjustfromhisreadingbutalsofromhisown

experimentswithdrugs,includingnitrousoxide.

Ratherthanattempttodefinesomethingasdifficulttograbholdofas

amysticalexperience,Jamesoffersfour“marks”bywhichwemay

recognizeone.Thefirstand,tohismind,“handiest”isineffability:“The

subjectofitimmediatelysaysthatitdefiesexpression,thatnoadequate

reportofitscontentscanbegiveninwords.”Withthepossibleexception

ofBoothby,allthevolunteersIspoketoatonepointoranotherdespaired

ofconveyingthefullforceofwhattheyhadexperienced,gamelythough

theytried.“Youhadtobethere”wasaregularrefrain.

ThenoeticqualityisJames’ssecondmark:“Mysticalstatesseemto

thosewhoexperiencethemtobealsostatesofknowledge...Theyare

illuminations,revelationsfullofsignificanceandimportance...andasa

ruletheycarrywiththemacurioussenseofauthority.”

ForeveryvolunteerI’veinterviewed,theexperienceyieldedmany

moreanswersthanquestions,and—curiouslyforwhatisafteralladrug

experience—theseanswershadaboutthemaremarkablesturdinessand

durability.JohnHayes,apsychotherapistinhisfiftieswhowasoneofthe

firstvolunteersatHopkins,

feltlikemysterieswerebeingunveiledandyetitallfelt

familiarandmorelikeIwasbeingremindedofthingsIhad

alreadyknown.Ihadasenseofinitiationintodimensionsof

existencemostpeopleneverknowexist,includingthe

distinctsensethatdeathwasillusory,inthesensethatitisa

doorwewalkthroughintoanotherplaneofexistence,that

we’resprungfromaneternitytowhichwewillreturn.

Whichistrueenough,Isuppose,buttosomeonehavingamystical

experience,suchaninsightacquirestheforceofrevealedtruth.

Somanyofthespecificinsightsgleanedduringthepsychedelic

journeyexistonaknife-edgepoisedbetweenprofundityandutter

banality.Boothby,anintellectualwithahighlydevelopedsenseofirony,

struggledtoputwordstothedeeptruthsabouttheessenceofour

humanityrevealedtohimduringoneofhispsilocybinjourneys.

Ihaveattimesbeenalmostembarrassedbythem,asifthey

givevoicetoacosmicvisionofthetriumphoflovethatone

associatesderisivelywiththeplatitudesofHallmarkcards.

Allthesame,thebasicinsightsaffordedtomeduringthe

sessionstillseemforthemostpartcompelling.

Whatwasthephilosophyprofessor’scompellinginsight?

“Loveconquersall.”

Jamestouchesonthebanalityofthesemysticalinsights:“that

deepenedsenseofthesignificanceofamaximorformulawhich

occasionallysweepsoverone.‘I’veheardthatsaidallmylife,’weexclaim,

‘butIneverrealizeditsfullmeaninguntilnow.’”Themysticaljourney

seemstoofferagraduateeducationintheobvious.Yetpeoplecomeout

oftheexperienceunderstandingtheseplatitudesinanewway;whatwas

merelyknownisnowfelt,takesontheauthorityofadeeplyrooted

conviction.And,moreoftenthannot,thatconvictionconcernsthe

supremeimportanceoflove.

KarinSokel,alifecoachandenergyhealerinherfifties,describedan

experience“thatchangedeverythingandopenedmeprofoundly.”Atthe

climaxofherjourney,shehadanencounterwithagodwhocalled

himself“IAm.”Initspresence,sherecalled,“everyoneofmychakras

wasexploding.Andthentherewasthislight,itwasthepurelightoflove

anddivinity,anditwaswithmeandnowordswereneeded.Iwasinthe

presenceofthisabsolutepuredivineloveandIwasmergingwithit,in

thisexplosionofenergy...Justtalkingaboutitmyfingersaregetting

electric.Itsortofpenetratedme.Thecoreofourbeing,Inowknew,is

love.Atthepeakoftheexperience,Iwasliterallyholdingthefaceof

OsamabinLaden,lookingintohiseyes,feelingpurelovefromhimand

givingittohim.Thecoreisnotevil,itislove.Ihadthesameexperience

withHitler,andthensomeonefromNorthKorea.SoIthinkweare

divine.Thisisnotintellectual,thisisacoreknowingness.”

IaskedSokelwhatmadehersosurethiswasn’tadreamordrug-

inducedfantasy—asuggestionthatprovednomatchforhernoeticsense.

“Thiswasnodream.ThiswasasrealasyouandIhavingthis

conversation.Iwouldn’thaveunderstooditeitherifIhadn’thadthe

directexperience.NowitishardwiredinmybrainsoIcanconnecttoit

anddooften.”

ThislastpointJamesalludestoinhisdiscussionofthethirdmarkof

mysticalconsciousness,whichis“transiency.”Foralthoughthemystical

statecannotbesustainedforlong,itstracespersistandrecur,“andfrom

onerecurrencetoanotheritissusceptibleofcontinuousdevelopmentin

whatisfeltasinnerrichnessandimportance.”

ThefourthandlastmarkinJames’stypologyistheessential

“passivity”ofthemysticalexperience.“Themysticfeelsasifhisownwill

wereinabeyance,andindeedsometimesasifheweregraspedandheld

byasuperiorpower.”Thissenseofhavingtemporarilysurrenderedtoa

superiorforceoftenleavesthepersonfeelingasifheorshehasbeen

permanentlytransformed.

FormostoftheHopkinsvolunteersIinterviewed,theirpsilocybin

journeyshadtakenplacetenorfifteenyearsearlier,andyettheireffects

werestillkeenlyfelt,insomecasesonadailybasis.“Psilocybinawakened

mylovingcompassionandgratitudeinawayIhadneverexperienced

before,”apsychologistwhoaskednottobenamedtoldmewhenIasked

heraboutlastingeffects.“Trust,Lettinggo,Openness,andBeingwere

thetouchstonesoftheexperienceforme.NowIknowthesethings

insteadofjustbelieving.”ShehadturnedBillRichards’sflight

instructionsintoamanualforliving.

RichardBoothbydidmuchthesamething,convertinghisinsight

aboutlettinggointoakindofethic:

Duringmysessionthisartofrelaxationitselfbecamethe

basisofanimmenserevelation,asitsuddenlyappearedto

methatsomethinginthespiritofthisrelaxation,something

intheachievementofaperfect,trustingandlovingopenness

ofspirit,istheveryessenceandpurposeoflife.Ourtaskin

lifeconsistspreciselyinaformoflettinggooffearand

expectations,anattempttopurelygiveoneselftotheimpact

ofthepresent.

JohnHayes,thepsychotherapist,emergedwith“hissenseofthe

concretedestabilized,”replacedbyaconviction“thatthere’sareality

beneaththerealityofordinaryperceptions.Itinformedmycosmology—

thatthereisaworldbeyondthisone.”Hayesparticularlyrecommends

theexperiencetopeopleinmiddleageforwhom,asCarlJungsuggested,

experienceofthenuminouscanhelpthemnegotiatethesecondhalfof

theirlives.Hayesadded,“Iwouldnotrecommendittoyoungpeople.”

Charnay’sjourneyatHopkinssolidifiedhercommitmenttoherbal

medicine(shenowworksforasupplementmakerinNorthern

California);italsoconfirmedherinadecisiontodivorceherhusband.

“Everythingwasnowsocleartome.Icameoutofthesession,andmy

husbandwaslatetopickmeup.Irealized,thisisthethemewithus.

We’rejustreallydifferentpeople.Ijustgotmyasskickedtoday,andI

neededhimtobeontime.”Shebrokethenewstohiminthecargoing

homeandhasnotlookedback.

Tolistentothesepeopledescribethechangesintheirlivesinspiredby

theirpsilocybinjourneysistowonderiftheHopkinssessionroomisn’ta

kindof“humantransformationfactory,”asMaryCosimano,theguide

whohasprobablyspentmoretimetherethananyoneelse,describeditto

me.“Fromnowon,”onevolunteertoldme,“Ithinkofmylifeasbefore

andafterpsilocybin.”Soonafterhispsilocybinexperience,BrianTurner,

thephysicist,quithisjobwiththemilitarycontractorandmovedto

ColoradotostudyZen.Hehadhadameditationpracticebefore

psilocybin,but“nowIhadthemotivation,becauseIhadtastedthe

destination”;hewaswillingtodothehardworkofZennowthathehad

gottenapreviewofthenewmodesofconsciousnessitcouldmake

availabletohim.

TurnerisnowanordainedZenmonk,yetheisalsostillaphysicist,

workingforacompanythatmakesheliumneonlasers.Iaskedhimifhe

feltanytensionbetweenhisscienceandhisspiritualpractice.“Idon’tfeel

there’sacontradiction.YetwhathappenedatHopkinshasinfluencedmy

physics.Irealizetherearejustsomedomainsthatsciencewillnot

penetrate.Sciencecanbringyoutothebigbang,butitcan’ttakeyou

beyondit.Youneedadifferentkindofapparatustopeerintothat.”

Theseanecdotalreportsofpersonaltransformationfoundstrong

supportinafollow-upstudydoneonthefirstgroupsofhealthynormals

studiedatHopkins.KatherineMacLean,apsychologistontheHopkins

team,crunchedthesurveydataproducedbyfifty-twovolunteers,

includingfollow-upinterviewswithfriendsandfamilymemberstheyhad

designated,anddiscoveredthatinmanycasesthepsilocybinexperience

hadledtolastingchangesintheirpersonalities.Specifically,those

volunteerswhohad“completemysticalexperiences”(asdeterminedby

theirscoresonthePahnke-RichardsMysticalExperienceQuestionnaire)

showed,inadditiontolastingimprovementsinwell-being,long-term

increasesinthepersonalitytraitof“opennesstoexperience.”Oneofthe

fivetraitspsychologistsusetoassesspersonality(theotherfourare

conscientiousness,extroversion,agreeableness,andneuroticism),

opennessencompassesaestheticappreciationandsensitivity,fantasyand

imagination,aswellastoleranceofothers’viewpointsandvalues;italso

predictscreativityinboththeartsandthesciences,aswellas,

presumably,awillingnesstoentertainideasatoddswiththoseofcurrent

science.Suchpronouncedandlastingchangesinthepersonalitiesof

adultsarerare.

Yetnotalltheseshiftsinthedirectionofgreateropennesswere

confinedtothevolunteersintheHopkinsexperiments;thesitters,too,

speakofhavingbeenchangedbytheexperienceofwitnessingthese

journeys,sometimesinsurprisingways.KatherineMacLean,whoguided

dozensofsessionsduringhertimeatHopkins,toldme,“Istartedouton

theatheistside,butIbeganseeingthingseverydayinmyworkthatwere

atoddswiththisbelief.MyworldbecamemoreandmoremysteriousasI

satwithpeopleonpsilocybin.”

DuringmylastinterviewwithRichardBoothby,towardtheendofa

leisurelySundaybrunchatthemodernartmuseuminBaltimore,he

lookedatmewithanexpressionthatmixedanalmostevangelicalfervor

aboutthe“treasures”hehadglimpsedatHopkinswithameasureofpity

forhisstill-hallucinogen-naiveinterlocutor.

“Idon’tblameyouforbeingenvious.”

•••

MYENCOUNTERSwiththeHopkinsvolunteershadindeedleftmefeeling

somewhatenvious,butalsowithagreatmanymorequestionsthan

answers.Howarewetoevaluatethe“insights”thesepeoplebringback

fromtheirpsychedelicjourneys?Whatsortofauthorityshouldwegrant

them?Whereintheworlddoesthematerialthatmakesupthesewaking

dreamsor,asonevolunteerputit,“intrapsychicmovies,”comefrom?

Theunconscious?Fromthesuggestionsoftheirguidesandthesettingof

theexperiment?Or,asmanyofthevolunteersbelieve,fromsomewhere

“outthere”or“beyond”?Whatdothesemysticalstatesofconsciousness

ultimatelymeanforourunderstandingofeitherthehumanmindorthe

universe?

Forhispart,RolandGriffiths’sownencounterswiththevolunteersin

the2006studyreignitedhispassionforscience,buttheyalsolefthim

withadeeperrespectforallthatsciencedoesnotknow—forwhatheis

contenttocall“themysteries.”

“Formethedata[fromthosefirstsessions]were...Idon’twantto

usethewordmind-blowing,butitwasunprecedentedthekindsofthings

wewereseeingthere,intermsofthedeepmeaningandlastingspiritual

significanceoftheseeffects.I’vegivenlotsofdrugstolotsofpeople,and

whatyougetaredrugexperiences.What’suniqueaboutthepsychedelics

isthemeaningthatcomesoutoftheexperience.”

Yethowrealisthatmeaning?Griffithshimselfisagnostic,but

strikinglyopen-minded,evenabouthisvolunteers’firsthandreportsofa

“beyond,”howevertheydefineit.“I’mwillingtoholdthepossibilitythese

experiencesmayormaynotbetrue,”hetoldme.“Theexcitingpartisto

usethetoolswehavetoexploreandpickapartthismystery.”

Notallofhiscolleaguessharehisopen-mindedness.Duringoneofour

meetings,overbreakfastonthesunporchofhismodestranchhousein

suburbanBaltimore,GriffithsmentionedacolleagueatHopkins,a

prominentpsychiatristnamedPaulMcHugh,whodismissesthe

psychedelicexperienceasnothingmorethanaformof“toxicdelirium.”

HeencouragedmetogoogleMcHugh.

“Doctorsencounterthisstrangeandcolorfulstateofmindinpatients

sufferingfromadvancedhepatic,renal,orpulmonarydisease,inwhich

toxicproductsaccumulateinthebodyanddotothebrainandmindjust

whatLSDdoes,”McHughhadwritteninareviewofabookaboutthe

HarvardPsilocybinProjectinCommentary.“Thevividnessofcolor

perception,themergingofphysicalsensations,thehallucinations,the

disorientationandlossofasenseoftime,thedelusionaljoysandterrors

thatcomeandgoevokingunpredictablefeelingsandbehaviors—aresadly

familiarsymptomsdoctorsarecalledtotreatinhospitalseveryday.”

Griffithsadmitsitispossiblethatwhathe’sseeingissomeformof

temporarypsychosis,andheplanstotestfordeliriuminanupcoming

experiment,butheseriouslydoubtsthatdiagnosisaccuratelydescribes

whatisgoingonwithhisvolunteers.“Patientssufferingfromdelirium

finditreallyunpleasant,”hepointsout,“andtheycertainlydon’treport

monthslater,‘Wow,thatwasoneofthegreatestandmostmeaningful

experiencesofmylife.’”

WilliamJamesgrappledwiththesequestionsofveracityinhis

discussiononmysticalstatesofconsciousness.Heconcludedthatthe

importoftheseexperiencesis,andshouldbe,“authoritativeoverthe

individualstowhomtheycome”butthatthereisnoreasontherestofus

must“accepttheirrevelationsuncritically.”Andyethebelievedthatthe

verypossibilitypeoplecanexperiencethesestatesofconsciousness

shouldbearonourunderstandingofthemindandworld:“Theexistence

ofmysticalstatesabsolutelyoverthrowsthepretensionofnon-mystical

statestobethesoleandultimatedictatorsofwhatwemaybelieve.”

Thesealternateformsofconsciousness“might,inspiteofallthe

perplexity,beindispensablestagesinourapproachtothefinalfullnessof

thetruth.”Hedetectedinsuchexperiences,inwhichthemind“ascend[s]

toamoreenvelopingpointofview,”hintsofagrandmetaphysical

“reconciliation”:“Itisasiftheoppositesoftheworld,whose

contradictorinessandconflictmakeallourdifficultiesandtroubles,were

meltedintounity.”Thisultimateunity,hesuspected,wasnomere

delusion.

•••

ROLANDGRIFFITHStodaysoundslikeascientistdeeplycommitted—or

ratherrecommitted—tohisresearch.“IdescribedtoyouhowwhenIfirst

gotintomeditation,Ifeltdisconnectedfrommyworklifeandconsidered

droppingitentirely.IwouldsayI’mnowreengagedinawaythat’smore

integratedthanithaseverbeen.I’mmoreinterestedinthefinal

questionsandexistentialtruthsandwiththesenseofwell-being,

compassion,andlovethatcomefromthesepractices.NowI’mbringing

thesegiftstothelaboratory.Anditfeelsgreat.”

Theideathatwecannowapproachmysticalstatesofconsciousness

withthetoolsofscienceiswhatgetsRolandGriffithsoutofbedinthe

morning.“Asascientificphenomenon,ifyoucancreateaconditionin

which70percentofpeoplewillsaytheyhavehadoneofthemost

meaningfulexperiencesoftheirlives...well,asascientistthat’sjust

incredible.”Forhimtheimportofthe2006resultisthatitproved“we

cannowdoprospectivestudies”ofmysticalstatesofconsciousness

“becausewecanoccasionthemwithahighdegreeofprobability.That’s

thewaysciencegainsrealtraction.”Hebelievesthepsilocybinworkhas

openedawholenewfrontierofhumanconsciousnesstoscientific

exploration.“Idescribemyselfasakidinacandyshop.”

ThegambleRolandGriffithstookwithhiscareerin1998,whenhe

decidedtodevotehimselftotheinvestigationofpsychedelicsand

mysticalexperience,hasalreadypaidoff.Amonthbeforeourbreakfast,

GriffithshadreceivedtheEddyAwardfromtheCollegeonProblemsof

DrugDependence,perhapsthemostprestigiouslifetimeachievement

prizeinthefield.ThenominatorsallcitedGriffiths’spsychedelicworkas

oneofhissignalcontributions.Thescopeofthatworkhasexpanded

significantlysincethe2006paper;whenIlastvisitedHopkins,in2015,

sometwentypeoplewereworkingonvariousstudiesinvolving

psychedelics.NotsinceSpringGrovehastherebeensuchstrong

institutionalsupportforthestudyofpsychedelics,andneverbeforehas

aninstitutionofHopkins’sreputationdevotedsomanyresourcestowhat

is,afterall,thestudyofmysticalstatesofconsciousness.

TheHopkinslabremainskeenlyinterestedinexploringspirituality

andthe“bettermentofwellpeople”—therearetrialsunderwaygiving

psilocybintolong-termmeditatorsandreligiousprofessionals—butthe

transformativeeffectofthemysticalexperiencehasobvioustherapeutic

implicationsthatthelabhasbeeninvestigating.Completedstudies

suggestthatpsilocybin—orratherthemysticalstateofconsciousnessthat

psilocybinoccasions—maybeusefulintreatingbothaddiction(apilot

studyinsmokingcessationachievedan80percentsuccessrate,whichis

unprecedented)andtheexistentialdistressthatoftendebilitatespeople

facingaterminaldiagnosis.Whenwelastmet,Griffithswasaboutto

submitanarticlereportingstrikingresultsinthelab’strialusing

psilocybintotreattheanxietyanddepressionofcancerpatients;the

studyfoundoneofthelargesttreatmenteffectseverdemonstratedfora

psychiatricintervention.Themajorityofvolunteerswhohadamystical

experiencereportedthattheirfearofdeathhadeithergreatlydiminished

orcompletelydisappeared.

Onceagain,hardquestionsariseaboutthemeaningandauthorityof

suchexperiences,especiallyonesthatappeartoconvincepeoplethat

consciousnessisnotconfinedtobrainsandmightsomehowsurviveour

deaths.YeteventoquestionsofthiskindGriffithsbringsanopenand

curiousmind.“Thephenomenologyoftheseexperiencesissoprofoundly

reorganizingandprofoundlycompellingthatI’mwillingtoholdthere’sa

mysteryherewecan’tunderstand.”

Griffithshasclearlytraveledalongwayfromthestrictbehaviorism

thatonceinformedhisscientificworldview;theexperienceofalternate

statesofconsciousness,bothhisownandthoseofhisvolunteers,has

openedhimtopossibilitiesaboutwhichfewscientistswilldarespeak

openly.

“Sowhathappensafteryoudie?AllIneedisonepercent[of

uncertainty].Ican’tthinkofanythingmoreinterestingthanwhatImay

ormaynotdiscoveratthetimeIdie.That’sthemostinterestingquestion

going.”Forthatreason,heferventlyhopesheisn’thitbyabusbutrather

hasenoughtimeto“savor”theexperiencewithoutthedistractionofpain.

“Westernmaterialismsaystheswitchgetsturnedoffandthat’sit.But

therearesomanyotherdescriptions.Itcouldbeabeginning!Wouldn’t

thatbeamazing?”

ThisiswhenGriffithsturnedthetablesandstartedaskingmeabout

myownspiritualoutlook,questionsforwhichIwascompletely

unprepared.

“Howsureareyouthereisnothingafterdeath?”heasked.Idemurred,

buthepersisted.“Whatdoyouthinkthechancesarethereissomething

beyonddeath?Inpercentages.”

“Oh,Idon’tknow,”Istammered.“Twoorthreepercent?”TothisdayI

havenoideawherethatestimatecamefrom,butGriffithsseizedonit.

“That’salot!”SoIturnedthetablebackagain,putthesamequestionto

him.

“Idon’tknowifIwanttoanswerit,”hesaidwithalaugh,glancingat

mytaperecorder.“ItdependsonwhichhatI’mwearing.”

RolandGriffithshadmorethanonehat!Ionlyhadone,Irealized,and

thatmademefeelalittlejealous.

Comparedwithmanyscientists—orforthatmattermanyspiritual

types—RolandGriffithspossessesalargemeasureofwhatKeats,

referringtoShakespeare,describedas“negativecapability,”theabilityto

existamiduncertainties,mysteries,anddoubtwithoutreachingfor

absolutes,whetherthoseofscienceorspirituality.“Itmakesnomore

sensetosayI’m100percentconvincedofamaterialworldviewthanto

sayI’m100percentconvincedoftheliteralversionoftheBible.”

Atourlastmeeting,adinneratabistroinhisBaltimore

neighborhood,ItriedtoengageGriffithsinadiscussionoftheostensible

conflictbetweenscienceandspirituality.IaskedhimifheagreedwithE.

O.Wilson,whohaswrittenthatallofusmustultimatelychoose:either

thepathofscienceorthepathofspirituality.ButGriffithsdoesn’tseethe

twowaysofknowingasmutuallyexclusiveandhaslittlepatiencefor

absolutistsoneithersideofthesupposeddivide.Rather,hehopesthe

twowayscaninformeachotherandcorrecteachother’sdefects,andin

thatexchangehelpustoposeandthen,possibly,answerthebig

questionsweface.IthenreadtohimaletterfromHustonSmith,the

scholarofcomparativereligionwhoin1962hadvolunteeredinWalter

Pahnke’sGoodFridayExperiment.ItwaswrittentoBobJesseshortly

afterthepublicationofGriffiths’slandmark2006paper;Jessehad

shareditwithme.

“TheJohnsHopkinsexperimentshows—proves—thatunder

controlled,experimentalconditions,psilocybincanoccasiongenuine

mysticalexperiences.Itusesscience,whichmodernitytrusts,to

underminemodernity’ssecularism.Indoingso,itoffershopeofnothing

lessthanare-sacralizationofthenaturalandsocialworld,aspiritual

revivalthatisourbestdefenseagainstnotonlysoullessness,butagainst

religiousfanaticism.Anditdoessointheveryteethoftheunscientific

prejudicesbuiltintoourcurrentdruglaws.”

AsIreadSmith’sletteraloud,asmilebloomedacrossGriffiths’sface;

hewasclearlymovedbuthadlittletoaddexcepttosay,“That’s

beautiful.”

CHAPTERTWO

NATURALHISTORY

Bemushroomed

ATTHEENDofmyfirstmeetingwithRolandGriffiths,thesessioninhis

JohnsHopkinsofficewhereheengagedmeonthetopicsofhisown

mysticalexperience,myassessmentoftheoddsofanafterlife,andthe

potentialofpsilocybintochangepeople’slives,thescientiststoodup

fromhisdesk,unfoldinghislankyframe,andreachedintothepocketof

histrouserstotakeoutasmallmedallion.

“Alittlegiftforyou,”heexplained.“Butfirst,youmustanswera

question.

“Atthismoment,”Griffithsbegan,lockingmeinfirmeyecontact,“are

youawarethatyouareaware?”Perplexed,Ithoughtforalong,self-

consciousmomentandthenrepliedintheaffirmative.Thismusthave

beenthecorrectanswer,becauseGriffithshandedmethecoin.Onone

sidewasaquartetoftall,slender,curvingPsilocybecubensis,oneofthe

morecommonspeciesofmagicmushroom.Onthebackwasaquotation

fromWilliamBlakethat,itoccurredtomelater,neatlyalignedthewayof

thescientistwiththatofthemystic:“Thetruemethodofknowledgeis

experiment.”

ItseemsthattheprevioussummerRolandGriffithshadgoneforthe

firsttimetoBurningMan(hadIheardofit?),andwhenhelearnedthat

nomoneyisexchangedinthetemporarycity,onlygifts,hehadthe

mushroommedallionsmintedsohewouldhavesomethingsuitableto

giveawayortrade.Now,hegivesthecoinstovolunteersintheresearch

programasapartinggift.Griffithshadsurprisedmeonceagain.Or

twice.First,thatthescientisthadattendedthearts-and-psychedelics

festivalintheNevadadesert.And,second,thathehadseenfitin

choosinghisgifttohonorthepsilocybinmushroomitself.

Ononelevel,amushroommedallionmadeperfectsense:themolecule

thatGriffithsandhiscolleagueshavebeenworkingwithforthelast

fifteenyearsdoes,afterall,comefromafungus.Boththemushroomand

itspsychoactivecompoundwereunknowntoscienceuntilthe1950s,

whenthepsilocybinmushroomwasdiscoveredinsouthernMexico,

whereMazatecIndianshadbeenusing“thefleshofthegods,”insecret,

forhealinganddivinationsincebeforetheSpanishconquest.Yet,apart

fromthedecorativeceramicmushroomontheshelfinthesessionroom,

therearefewifanyremindersof“magicmushrooms”inthelab.NooneI

spoketoatHopkinsevermentionedtheratherastonishingfactthatthe

life-changingexperiencestheirvolunteerswerereportingowedtothe

actionofachemicalcompoundfoundinnature—inamushroom.

Inthelaboratorycontext,itcanbeeasytolosesightofthis

astonishment.Allofthescientistsdoingpsychedelicresearchtodaywork

exclusivelywithasyntheticversionofthepsilocybinmolecule.(The

mushroom’spsychoactivecompoundwasfirstidentified,synthesized,

andnamedinthelate1950sbyAlbertHofmann,theSwisschemistwho

discoveredLSD.)Sothevolunteersingestalittlewhitepillmadeinalab,

ratherthanahandfulofgnarlyandacrid-tastingmushrooms.Their

journeysunfoldinalandscapeofmedicalsuitespopulated,figuratively

speaking,bymenandwomeninwhitecoats.Isupposethisistheusual

distancingeffectofmodernscienceatwork,buthereitiscompoundedby

aspecificdesiretodistancepsilocybinfromitstangledroots(orIshould

say,mycelia)intheworldsof1960scounterculture,NativeAmerican

shamanism,and,perhaps,natureitself.Foritisthere—innature—that

webumpupagainstthemysteryofalittlebrownmushroomwiththe

powertochangetheconsciousnessoftheanimalsthateatit.LSDtoo,it

iseasytoforget,wasderivedfromafungus,Clavicepspurpurea,or

ergot.Somehow,forsomereason,theseremarkablemushroomsproduce,

inadditiontospores,meaningsinhumanminds.

InthecourseofmydaysspenthangingaroundtheHopkinslaband

hoursspentinterviewingpeopleabouttheirpsilocybinjourneys,I

becameincreasinglycurioustoexplorethisotherterritory—thatis,the

naturalhistoryofthesemushroomsandtheirstrangepowers.Wheredid

thesemushroomsgrow,andhow?Whydidtheyevolvetheabilityto

produceachemicalcompoundsocloselyrelatedtoserotonin,the

neurotransmitter,thatitcanslipacrosstheblood-brainbarrierand

temporarilytakechargeofthemammalianbrain?Wasitadefense

chemical,intendedtopoisonmushroomeaters?Thatwouldseemtobe

themoststraightforwardexplanation,yetitisunderminedbythefactthe

fungusproducesthehallucinogenalmostexclusivelyinits“fruiting

body”—thatpartoftheorganismitishappiesttohaveeaten.Wasthere

perhapssomebenefittothemushroominbeingabletochangetheminds

oftheanimalsthateatit?*

Therewerealsothemorephilosophicalquestionsposedbythe

existenceofafungusthatcouldnotonlychangeconsciousnessbut

occasionaprofoundmysticalexperienceinhumans.Thisfactcanbe

interpretedintwocompletelydifferentways.Onthefirstinterpretation,

themind-alteringpowerofpsilocybinarguesforafirmlymaterialist

understandingofconsciousnessandspirituality,becausethechanges

observedinthemindcanbetraceddirectlytothepresenceofachemical

—psilocybin.Whatismorematerialthanachemical?Onecould

reasonablyconcludefromtheactionofpsychedelicsthatthegodsare

nothingmorethanchemicallyinducedfigmentsofthehominid

imagination.

Yet,surprisingly,mostofthepeoplewhohavehadtheseexperiences

don’tseethematterthatwayatall.Eventhemostsecularamongthem

comeawayfromtheirjourneysconvincedthereexistssomethingthat

transcendsamaterialunderstandingofreality:somesortofa“Beyond.”

It’snotthattheydenyanaturalisticbasisforthisrevelation;theyjust

interpretitdifferently.

Iftheexperienceoftranscendenceismediatedbymoleculesthatflow

throughbothourbrainsandthenaturalworldofplantsandfungi,then

perhapsnatureisnotasmuteasSciencehastoldus,and“Spirit,”

howeverdefined,existsoutthere—isimmanentinnature,inotherwords,

justascountlesspremoderncultureshavebelieved.Whattomy

(spirituallyimpoverished)mindseemedtoconstituteagoodcaseforthe

disenchantmentoftheworldbecomesinthemindsofthemore

psychedelicallyexperiencedirrefutableproofofitsfundamental

enchantment.Fleshofthegods,indeed.

Soherewasacuriousparadox.Thesamephenomenonthatpointedto

amaterialistexplanationforspiritualandreligiousbeliefgavepeoplean

experiencesopowerfulitconvincedthemoftheexistenceofa

nonmaterialreality—theverybasisofreligiousbelief.

IhopedthatgettingtoknowthepsychoactiveLBMs(mycologist

shorthandfor“littlebrownmushrooms”)atthebottomofthisparadox

mightclarifythematteror,perhaps,somehowdissolveit.Iwasalready

somethingofamushroomhunter,secureinmyabilitytoidentifya

handfulofediblewoodlandspecies(chanterelles,morels,blacktrumpets,

andporcini)withahighenoughdegreeofconfidencetoeatwhatIfound.

However,IhadbeentoldbyallmyteachersthattheworldofLBMswas

farmoredauntinginitscomplexityandperil;manyifnotmostofthe

speciesthatcankillyouareLBMs.Butperhapswithsomeexpert

guidance,IcouldaddaPsilocybeortwotomymushroomhunting

repertoireandintheprocessbegintounpackthemysteryoftheir

existenceandspookypowers.

•••

THEREWASNEVERanydoubtwhocouldbesthelpmeonthisquest,

assuminghewaswilling.PaulStamets,amycologistfromWashington

StatewholiterallywrotethebookonthegenusPsilocybe,*intheformof

theauthoritative1996fieldguidePsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld.

Stametshashimself“published”—thatis,identifiedanddescribedina

peer-reviewedjournal—fournewspeciesofPsilocybe,including

azurescens,namedforhissonAzureus*andthemostpotentspeciesyet

known.ButwhileStametsisoneofthecountry’smostrespected

mycologists,heworksentirelyoutsidetheacademy,hasnograduate

degree,fundsmostofhisownresearch,*andholdsviewsoftheroleof

fungiinnaturethatarewelloutsidethescientificmainstreamandthat,

hewillgladlytellyou,owetoinsightsgrantedtohimbythemushrooms

themselves,inthecourseofbothclosestudyandregularingestion.

I’veknownStametsforyears,thoughnotverywellandalwaysfrom

whatIconfesshasbeenasomewhatskepticaldistance.Hisextravagant

claimsforthepowersofmushroomsandeyebrow-elevatingboastsabout

hismushroomworkwithinstitutionslikeDARPA(thePentagon’s

DefenseAdvancedResearchProjectsAgency)andNIH(theNational

InstitutesofHealth)areboundtosetoffajournalist’sbullshitdetector,

rightlyor—asoftenhappensinhiscase—wrongly.

Overtheyears,we’vefoundourselvesatsomeofthesameconferences,

soI’vehadseveralopportunitiestohearhistalks,whichconsistofa

beguiling(oftenbrilliant)mash-upofhardscienceandvisionary

speculation,withthelinebetweenthetwooftenimpossibletodiscern.

His2008TEDtalk,whichisrepresentative,hasbeenviewedonlinemore

thanfourmilliontimes.

Stamets,whowasbornin1955inSalem,Ohio,isabighairymanwith

abeardandabearishmien;Iwasnotsurprisedtolearnheonceworked

asalumberjackinthePacificNorthwest.Onstage,heusuallywearswhat

appearstobeafelthatinthealpinestylebutwhich,ashe’llexplain,isin

factmadeinTransylvaniafromsomethingcalledamadou,thespongy

innerlayerofthehorse’shooffungus(Fomesfomentarius),apolypore

thatgrowsonseveralspeciesofdeadordyingtrees.Amadouis

flammableandinancienttimeswasusedtostartandtransportfires.

Ötzi,thefive-thousand-year-old“IceMan”foundmummifiedinanalpine

glacierin1991,wascarryingapouchinwhichhehadapieceofamadou.

Becauseofitsantimicrobialproperties,Fomesfomentariuswasalsoused

todresswoundsandpreservefood.Stametsissodeepintotheworldof

fungithere’sfrequentlyoneperchedontopofhishead.

Fungiconstitutethemostpoorlyunderstoodandunderappreciated

kingdomoflifeonearth.Thoughindispensabletothehealthoftheplanet

(asrecyclersoforganicmatterandbuildersofsoil),theyarethevictims

notonlyofourdisregardbutofadeep-seatedillwill,amycophobiathat

Stametsdeemsaformof“biologicalracism.”Leavingasidetheir

reputationforpoisoningus,thisissurprisinginthatwearecloser,

geneticallyspeaking,tothefungalkingdomthantothatoftheplants.

Likeus,theyliveofftheenergythatplantsharvestfromthesun.Stamets

hasmadeithislife’sworktorightthiswrong,byspeakingoutontheir

behalfandbydemonstratingthepotentialofmushroomstosolveagreat

manyoftheworld’sproblems.Indeed,thetitleofhismostpopular

lecture,andthesubtitleofhis2005book,MyceliumRunning,is“How

MushroomsCanHelpSavetheWorld.”Bytheendofhispresentation,

thisclaimnolongersoundshyperbolic.

IcanrememberthefirsttimeIheardStametstalkabout

“mycoremediation”—histermfortheuseofmushroomstocleanup

pollutionandindustrialwaste.Oneofthejobsoffungiinnatureisto

breakdowncomplexorganicmolecules;withoutthem,theearthwould

longagohavebecomeavast,uninhabitablewasteheapofdeadbut

undecomposedplantsandanimals.SoaftertheExxonValdezran

agroundoffthecoastofAlaskain1989,spillingmillionsofgallonsof

crudeoilintoPrinceWilliamSound,Stametsrevivedalong-standing

ideaofputtingfungitoworkbreakingdownpetrochemicalwaste.He

showedaslideofasteamingheapofoilyblacksludgebeforeinoculating

itwiththesporesofoystermushrooms,andthenasecondphotographof

thesamepiletakenfourweekslater,whenitwasreducedbyathirdand

coveredinathickmantleofsnowywhiteoystermushrooms.Itwasa

performance,andafeatofalchemy,Iwon’tsoonforget.

ButStamets’saspirationsforthefungalkingdomgowellbeyond

turningpetrochemicalsludgeintoarablesoil.Indeed,inhisviewthereis

scarcelyanecologicalormedicalproblemthatmushroomscan’thelp

solve.

Cancer?Stamets’sextractofturkeytailmushrooms(Trametes

versicolor)hasbeenshowntohelpcancerpatientsbystimulatingtheir

immunesystems.(Stametsclaimstohaveusedittohelpcurehis

mother’sstage4breastcancer.)

Bioterrorism?After9/11,thefederalgovernment’sBioshieldprogram

askedtoscreenhundredsoftheraremushroomstrainsinStamets’s

collectionandfoundseveralthatshowedstrongactivityagainstSARS,

smallpox,herpes,andbirdandswineflu.(Ifthisstrikesyouas

implausible,rememberthatpenicillinistheproductofafungus.)

Colonycollapsedisorder(CCD)?Afterwatchinghoneybeesvisitinga

woodpiletonibbleonmycelium,Stametsidentifiedseveralspeciesof

fungusthatbolsterthebees’resistancetoinfectionandCCD.

Insectinfestation?Afewyearsago,Stametswonapatentfora

“mycopesticide”—amutantmyceliumfromaspeciesofCordycepsthat,

afterbeingeatenbycarpenterants,colonizestheirbodiesandkillsthem,

butnotbeforechemicallyinducingtheanttoclimbtothehighestpointin

itsenvironmentandthenburstingamushroomfromthetopofitshead

thatreleasesitssporestothewind.

ThesecondorthirdtimeIwatchedStametsshowavideoofa

Cordycepsdoingitsdiabolicalthingtoanant—commandeeringitsbody,

makingitdoitsbidding,andthenexplodingamushroomfromitsbrain

inordertodisseminateitsgenes—itoccurredtomethatStametsandthat

pooranthadratheralotincommon.Fungihaven’tkilledhim,it’strue,

andheprobablyknowsenoughabouttheirwilestoheadoffthatfate.But

it’salsotruethatthisman’slife—hisbrain!—hasbeenutterlytakenover

byfungi;hehasdedicatedhimselftotheircause,speakingforthe

mushroomsinthesamewaythatDr.Seuss’sLoraxspeaksforthetrees.

Hedisseminatesfungalsporesfarandwide,helpingthem,whetherby

mailorderorsheerdintofhisenthusiasm,tovastlyexpandtheirrange

andspreadtheirmessage.

•••

IDON’TTHINKI’msayinganythingaboutPaulStametstowhichhewould

object.Hewritesinhisbookthatmycelia—thevast,cobwebbywhitishnet

ofsingle-celledfilaments,calledhyphae,withwhichfungiweavetheir

waythroughthesoil—areintelligent,forming“asentientmembrane”and

“theneurologicalnetworkofnature.”ThetitleofhisbookMycelium

Runningcanbereadintwoways.Themyceliumisindeedalways

runningthroughtheground,whereitplaysacriticalroleinformingsoils,

keepingplantsandanimalsingoodhealth,andknittingtogetherthe

forest.Butthemyceliumarealso,inStamets’sview,runningtheshow—

thatofnatureingeneraland,likeaneuralsoftwareprogram,theminds

ofcertaincreatures,including,hewouldbethefirsttotellyou,Paul

Stametshimself.“Mushroomsarebringingusamessagefromnature,”he

likestosay.“ThisisacallI’mhearing.”

YetevensomeofStamets’sairiernotionsturnouttohaveascientific

foundationbeneaththem.Foryearsnow,Stametshasbeentalkingabout

thevastwebofmyceliainthesoilas“Earth’snaturalInternet”—a

redundant,complexlybranched,self-repairing,andscalable

communicationsnetworklinkingmanyspeciesovertremendous

distances.(Thebiggestorganismonearthisnotawhaleoratreebuta

mushroom—ahoneyfungusinOregonthatis2.4mileswide.)Stamets

contendsthatthesemycelialnetworksareinsomesense“conscious”:

awareoftheirenvironmentandabletorespondtochallenges

accordingly.WhenIfirstheardtheseideas,Ithoughttheywere,atbest,

fancifulmetaphors.Yetintheyearssince,I’vewatchedasagrowingbody

ofscientificresearchhasemergedtosuggesttheyaremuchmorethan

metaphors.Experimentswithslimemoldshavedemonstratedthese

organismscannavigatemazesinsearchoffood—sensingitslocationand

thengrowinginthatdirection.Themyceliainaforestdolinkthetreesin

it,roottoroot,notonlysupplyingthemwithnutrients,butservingasa

mediumthatconveysinformationaboutenvironmentalthreatsand

allowstreestoselectivelysendnutrientstoothertreesintheforest.*A

forestisafarmorecomplex,sociable,andintelligententitythanwe

knew,anditisfungithatorganizethearborealsociety.

Stamets’sideasandtheorieshaveturnedouttobefarmoredurable,

andpracticable,thanIeverwouldhaveguessed.Thiswastheother

reasonIbecameeagertospendsometimewithStamets:Iwascuriousto

findouthowhisownexperiencewithpsilocybinhadcoloredhisthinking

andlifework.YetIwasn’tatallcertainhewouldbewillingtotalkonthe

recordaboutpsilocybin,muchlesstakeme’shroomhunting,nowthathe

hadasuccessfulbusiness,hadeightorninepatentstohisname,andwas

collaboratingwithinstitutionslikeDARPAandNIHandtheLawrence

LivermoreNationalLaboratory.Inthemorerecentinterviewsand

lecturesIcouldfindonline,heseldomtalkedaboutpsilocybinandoften

omittedmentionofthefieldguidefromhislistofpublications.What’s

more,hehadjustreceivedprestigioushonorsfromtheMycological

SocietyofAmericaandtheAmericanAssociationfortheAdvancementof

Science(AAAS).PaulStamets,itseemed,hadgonelegit.Badtimingfor

me.

•••

THANKFULLY,IWASWRONG.WhenIreachedStametsathishomein

Kamilche,Washington,andtoldhimwhatIwasupto,hecouldn’thave

beenmoreforthcomingorcooperative.Wetalkedforalongtimeabout

psilocybinmushrooms,anditsoonbecamecleartheyremainedasubject

ofkeeninteresttohim.HeknewallabouttheworkgoingonatHopkins

—infacthadconsultedwiththeHopkinsteamwhentheywerefirst

lookingforasourceofpsilocybin.Myimpressionwasthattherevivalof

legitimateuniversityresearchhadmadeStametsmorecomfortable

reopeningthisparticularchapterinhislife.Hementionedhewasinthe

processofupdatingthe1996psilocybinfieldguide.Theonlydiscordant

noteintheconversationcamewhenIcasuallydroppedtheslang

expressionforpsilocybinwhenaskinghimaboutgoinghuntingfor

’shrooms.

“Ireally,reallyhatethatword,”hesaid,almostgravely,adoptingthe

toneofaparentupbraidingapotty-mouthedchild.

Thewordnevercrossedmylipsagain.

Bytheendofthecall,Stametshadinvitedmeuptohisplacein

WashingtonState,ontheLittleSkookumInletatthebaseoftheOlympic

Peninsula.Iaskedhim,gingerly,ifIcouldcomeatatimewhenthe

Psilocybeswerefruiting.“Mostofthemhavealreadycomeandgone,”he

said.“ButifyoucomerightafterThanksgiving,andtheweather’sright,I

cantakeyoutotheonlyplaceintheworldwherePsilocybeazurescens

hasbeenconsistentlyfound,atthemouthoftheColumbiaRiver.”He

mentionedthenameoftheparkwherehehadfoundtheminthepastand

toldmetobookayurtthere,adding,“Probablybestnottousemyname.”

•••

INTHEWEEKSBEFOREmytriptoWashingtonState,IporedoverStamets’s

fieldguide,hopingtopreparemyselfforthehunt.Itseemsthereare

morethantwohundredspeciesofPsilocybe,distributedalloverthe

world;it’snotclearwhetherthat’salwaysbeenthecase,orifthe

mushroomshavefollowedinthefootstepsoftheanimalswhohavetaken

suchakeeninterestinthem.(Humanshavebeenusingpsilocybin

mushroomssacramentallyforatleastseventhousandyears,accordingto

Stamets.Butanimalssometimesingestthemtoo,forreasonsthatremain

obscure.)

Psilocybesaresaprophytes,livingoffdeadplantmatteranddung.

Theyaredenizensofdisturbedland,poppingupmostofteninthe

habitatscreatedbyecologicalcatastrophe,suchaslandslides,floods,

storms,andvolcanoes.Theyalsoprosperintheecologicalcatastrophes

causedbyourspecies:clear-cutforests,roadcuts,thewakesof

bulldozers,andagriculture.(Severalspeciesliveinandfruitfromthe

manureofruminants.)Curiously,orperhapsnotsocuriously,themost

potentspeciesoccurlessofteninthewildthanincitiesandtowns;their

predilectionforhabitatsdisturbedbyushasallowedthemtotravel

widely,“followingstreamsofdebris,”includingourown.Inrecentyears,

thepracticeofmulchingwithwoodchipshasvastlyexpandedtherange

ofahandfulofpotentPsilocybesonceconfinedtothePacificNorthwest.

Theynowthriveinallthoseplaceswehumansnow“landscape”:

suburbangardens,nurseries,cityparks,churchyards,highwayreststops,

prisons,collegecampuses,even,asStametslikestopointout,onthe

groundsofcourthousesandpolicestations.“Psilocybemushroomsand

civilizationcontinuetoco-evolve,”Stametswrites.

Soyouwouldthinkthesemushroomswouldbefairlyeasytofind.In

factafterIpublishedanarticleaboutpsilocybinresearch,Iwasinformed

byastudentthataftertheDecemberrainsPsilocybescanbefoundonthe

Berkeleycampus,whereIteach.“Lookinthewoodchips,”headvised.

YetassoonasIbeganstudyingthephotographsinStamets’sfieldguide,

Ibegantodespairofeveridentifyinganymushroomasamemberofthe

genus,muchlesslearninghowtodistinguishonespeciesofPsilocybe

fromanother.

Tojudgefromthepictures,thegenusisjustabigbunchoflittlebrown

mushrooms,mostofthemutterlynondescript.Bycomparison,theedible

specieswithwhichIwasfamiliarwereasdistinctastulipsarefromroses,

poodlesfromGreatDanes.Yes,allthePsilocybeshavegills,butthatisn’t

muchhelp,becausethousandsofothermushroomshavegills,too.After

that,you’retryingtosortoutabewilderingarrayofcharacteristics,notall

ofwhicharesharedbytheclass.SomePsilocybeshavealittlenipple-like

knoborprotrusionontop—it’scalledanumbo,Ilearned;othersdon’t.

Somewere“viscid”—slipperyorslimywhenwet,givingthemashiny

appearance.Othersweredullandmattegray;some,likeazurescens,

wereamilkycaramelcolor.ManybutnotallPsilocybessporta

“pellicle”—acondom-likelayerofgelatinousmaterialcoveringthecap

thatcanbepeeledoff.Myfungalvocabularymightbeexpanding,butmy

confidencewasrapidlycollapsing,muchlikethemushroomthat,inthe

courseofasingleday,decomposesintoaninkypuddle.

BythetimeIgottochapterfour,“TheDangersofMistaken

Identification,”Iwasreadytothrowinthetowel.“Mistakesinmushroom

identificationcanbelethal,”Stametsbegins,beforedisplayinga

photographinwhichaPsilocybestuntziiisseengrowingcheekbyjowl

withatrioofindistinguishableGalerinaautumnalis,anunremarkable

littlemushroomthat,wheneaten,“canresultinanagonizingdeath.”

ButwhileStametsurgesextremecircumspectioninamateurshoping

toidentifyPsilocybes,healsoequipsthemushroomhunterwhohasn’t

beencompletelydiscouragedwithsomethinghecalls“TheStametsian

Rule”:athree-prongedtestthat,he(sortof)assuresus,canheadoff

deathanddisaster.

“HowdoIknowifamushroomisapsilocybinproducingspeciesor

not?”

“Ifagilledmushroomhaspurplishbrowntoblackspores,andthe

fleshbruisesbluish,themushroominquestionisverylikelyapsilocybin-

producingspecies.”Thisisdefinitelyabighelp,thoughIwouldn’tmind

somethingmorecategoricalthan“verylikely.”Hethenoffersasobering

caveat.“Iknowofnoexceptionstothisrule,”headds,“butthatdoesnot

meantherearenone!”

AftercommittingtomemorytheStametsianRule,Ibeganpicking

promising-lookinggilledLBMs—inmyneighbors’yards,onmywalkto

work,intheparkinglotofthebank—andthenroughingthemupabitto

seeiftheywouldturnblackandblue.Thebluepigmentisinfactevidence

ofoxidizedpsilocin,oneofthetwomainpsychoactivecompoundsina

Psilocybe.(Theotherispsilocybin,whichbreaksdownintopsilocinin

thebody.)Todetermineifthemushroominquestionhadpurplish-brown

orblackspores,Ibeganmakingsporeprints.Thisinvolvescuttingthe

capoffamushroomandplacingit,gillsidedown,onapieceofwhite

paper.(Orblackpaperifyouhavereasontobelievethemushroomhas

whitespores.)Withinhours,themushroomcapreleasesitsmicroscopic

spores,whichwillformapretty,shadowypatternonthepaper

(reminiscentofalipstickkiss)thatyoucanthentrytodecideispurplish

brownorblack—orrustcolored,inwhichcaseyoumighthaveadeadly

Galerinaonyourhands.

Certainthingsareperhapsbestlearnedinperson,ratherthanfroma

book.IdecidedIshouldprobablywaitbeforemakinganyirreversible

decisionsuntilIhadspentsometimeinthecompanyofmymycological

Virgil.

•••

ATTHETIMEOFMYVISIT,PaulStametslivedwithhispartner,DustyYao,

andtheirtwobigdogs,PlatoandSophie,inasprawlingnewhouseonthe

LittleSkookumInletthatisconstructedinsideandoutofasmallforest’s

worthofthemostgorgeousclearDouglasfirandcedar.Likemany

speciesoffungi,Stametshasapassionateattachmenttotreesandwood.

IarrivedonaFriday;ourreservationatthecampsitewasn’tuntilSunday

night,sowehadthebetterpartoftheweekendtotalkPsilocybes,eat

(otherkindsof)mushrooms,tourtheFungiPerfectifacilities,andramble

thesurroundingwoodsandshorelinewiththedogsbeforedrivingsouth

totheOregonborderSundaymorningtohuntazzies.

Thiswasthehousethatmushroomsbuilt,Stametsexplained,

launchingintoitsstorybeforeIhadachancetounpackmybag.It

replacedaricketyoldfarmhouseonthesitethat,whenStametsmovedin,

wasslowlysuccumbingtoaninfestationofcarpenterants.Stametsset

aboutdevisingamycologicalsolutiontotheproblem.Heknewprecisely

whichspeciesofCordycepscouldwipeouttheantcolony,butsodidthe

ants:theyscrupulouslyinspecteveryreturningmemberforCordyceps

sporesandpromptlychewofftheheadofanyantbearingspores,

dumpingthebodyfarawayfromthecolony.Stametsoutwittedtheants’

defensebybreedingamutantCordyceps-likefungusthatpostponed

sporulation.Heputsomeofitsmyceliuminhisdaughter’sdollhouse

bowl,leftthatonthefloorofthekitchen,andduringthenightwatchedas

aparadeofantscarriedthemyceliumintothenest—havingmistakenit

forasafefoodsource.Whenthefunguseventuallysporulated,itwas

alreadydeepinsidethecolonyandtheantsweredonefor:theCordyceps

colonizedtheirbodiesandsentfruitingbodiesburstingforthfromtheir

heads.Itwastoolatetosavethefarmhouse,butwiththeproceedsfrom

thesaleofhispatentonthefungusStametswasabletoerectthisfar

grandermonumenttomycologicalingenuity.

Thehousewasspaciousandcomfortable;Ihadawholeupstairswing

ofbedroomstomyself.Thelivingroom,wherewespentmostofarainy

Decemberweekend,hadasoaringcathedralceiling,abigwood-burning

fireplace,and,loomingovertheroomfromacrosstheway,aseven-and-

a-half-foot-tallskeletonofacavebear.ApaintingofAlbertHofmann

hangsoverthefireplace.Overhead,beneaththepeak,isamassiveround

stainedglassdepicting“TheUniversalityoftheMycelialArchetype”—an

intricatetraceryofbluelinesonanightsky,thelinesrepresentingatonce

mycelium,roots,neurons,theInternet,anddarkmatter.

Displayedonthewallsheadingupstairsfromthelivingroomare

framedartworks,photographs,andkeepsakes,includingadiploma

signifyingthesuccessfulcompletionofoneoftheMerryPranksters’Acid

Tests,signedbyKenKeseyandNealCassady.Thereareseveral

photographsofDustyposinginold-growthforestswithimpressive

specimensoffungiandacolorfullygrotesqueprintbyAlexGrey,the

deanofAmericanpsychedelicartists.TheprintisGrey’sinterpretationof

theso-calledstonedapetheory,depictinganearly,electrified-looking

hominidclutchingaPsilocybewhileacycloneofabstractionsfliesoutof

itsmouthandforehead.TheonlyreasonIcouldmakeanysenseofthe

imageatallwasthatafewdaysearlierIhadreceivedane-mailfrom

Stametsreferringtothetheoryinquestion:“Iwanttodiscussthehigh

likelihoodthattheStonedApeTheory,firstpresentedbyRolandFischer

andthenpopularized/restatedbyTerenceMcKenna,isprobablytrue—

[ingestionofpsilocybin]causingarapiddevelopmentofthehominid

brainforanalyticalthinkingandsocietalbonding.Didyouknowthat23

primates(includinghumans)consumemushroomsandknowhowto

distinguish‘good’from‘bad’?”

Ididnot.

Butthebrief,ellipticale-mailnicelyprefiguredthetenorofmy

weekendwithStametsasIstruggledtoabsorbatorrentofmycological

factandspeculationthat,likearushingriver,isimpossibletoford

withoutbeingknockedsideways.ThesheerbrillianceofStamets’s

mushroom’s-eyeviewoftheworldcanbedazzling,butafterawhileitcan

alsomakeyoufeelclaustrophobic,asonlythetruemonomaniacor

autodidact—andStametsisboth—cando.Everythingisconnectedisever

thesubtextwithsuchpeople;inthiscasewhatconnectseverythingyou

couldpossiblythinkofjusthappenstobefungalmycelia.

IwascurioustofindouthowStametscamebyhismycocentric

worldviewandwhatrolepsilocybinmushrooms,inparticular,mighthave

contributedtoit.StametsgrewupinanOhiotownoutsideYoungstown

calledColumbiana,theyoungestoffivechildren.Hisfather’sengineering

companywentbelly-upwhenPaulwasaboy,thefamily“goingfrom

richestoragsprettyquickly.”Dadbegantodrinkheavily,andPaulbegan

lookinguptohisolderbrotherJohnasarolemodel.

Fiveyearshissenior,Johnwasanaspiringscientist—hewouldreceive

ascholarshiptostudyneurophysiology—whokept“anexquisite

laboratoryinthebasement,”arealmthatwasPaul’sideaofheaven,but

towhichJohnseldomgrantedhislittlebrotheradmittance.“Ithoughtall

houseshadlaboratories,sowheneverIwentovertoafriend’shouse,I

wouldaskwherethelaboratorywas.Ididn’tunderstandwhytheywould

alwayspointmetothebathroominstead—thelavatory.”WinningJohn’s

approvalbecameamotiveforceinPaul’slife,whichperhapsexplainsthe

valueStametsplacesonmainstreamscientificrecognitionofwork.John

haddied,ofaheartattack,sixmonthsbeforemyvisitand,asit

happened,onthesamedayPaulreceivedwordofhisAAAShonor.His

deathwasalossfromwhichPaulhadn’tyetrecovered.

WhenPaulwasfourteen,Johntoldhimaboutmagicmushrooms,and

whenhewentofftoYale,Johnleftbehindabook,AlteredStatesof

Consciousness,thatmadeatremendousimpressiononPaul.Editedby

CharlesT.Tart,apsychologist,thebookisadoorstopofananthologyof

scholarlywritingsaboutnon-ordinarymentalstates,coveringthe

spectrumfromdreamingandhypnosistomeditationandpsychedelics.

ButthereasonthebookmadesuchalastingimpressiononStametshad

lesstodowithitscontents,provocativeasthesewere,thanwiththe

reactionthebookelicitedincertainadults.

“MyfriendRyanSnyderwantedtoborrowit.Hisparentswerereally

conservative.Aweeklater,whenItoldhimIwanteditback,hestallsand

delays.Anotherweekgoesby,Iaskhimagain,andhefinallyconfesses

whathappened.‘Myparentsfounditandtheyburnedit.’

“Theyburnedmybook?!?Thatwasapivotalmomentforme.Isawthe

Snydersastheenemy,tryingtosuppresstheexplorationof

consciousness.Butifthiswassuchpowerfulinformationthattheyfelt

compelledtodestroyit,thenthiswaspowerfulinformationInowhadto

have.SoIowethemadebtofgratitude.”

StametswentofftoKenyonCollege,where,asafreshman,hehad“a

profoundpsychedelicexperience”thatsethiscourseinlife.Aslongashe

couldremember,Stametshadbeenstymiedbyadebilitatingstutter.

“Thiswasahugeissueforme.Iwasalwayslookingdownattheground

becauseIwasafraidpeoplewouldtrytospeaktome.Infact,oneofthe

reasonsIgotsogoodatfindingmushroomswasbecauseIwasalways

lookingdown.”

Onespringafternoontowardtheendofhisfreshmanyear,walking

alonealongthewoodedridgelineabovecampus,Stametsateawholebag

ofmushrooms,perhapstengrams,thinkingthatwasaproperdose.(Four

gramsisalot.)Asthepsilocybinwascomingon,Stametsspieda

particularlybeautifuloaktreeanddecidedhewouldclimbit.“AsI’m

climbingthetree,I’mliterallygettinghigherasI’mclimbinghigher.”Just

thentheskybeginstodarken,andathunderstormlightsupthehorizon.

Thewindsurgesasthestormapproaches,andthetreebeginstosway.

“I’mgettingvertigobutIcan’tclimbdown,I’mtoohigh,soIjust

wrappedmyarmsaroundthetreeandheldon,huggingittightly.The

treebecametheaxismundi,rootingmetotheearth.‘Thisisthetreeof

life,’Ithought;itwasexpandingintotheskyandconnectingmetothe

universe.Andthenithitsme:I’mgoingtobestruckbylightning!Every

fewsecondsthere’sanotherstrike,here,thenthere,allaroundme.On

thevergeofenlightenment,I’mgoingtobeelectrocuted.Thisismy

destiny!Thewholetime,I’mbeingwashedbywarmrains.Iamcrying

now,thereisliquideverywhere,butIalsofeelonewiththeuniverse.

“AndthenIsaytomyself,whataremyissuesifIsurvivethis?Paul,I

said,you’renotstupid,butstutteringisholdingyouback.Youcan’tlook

womenintheeyes.WhatshouldIdo?Stopstutteringnow—thatbecame

mymantra.Stopstutteringnow,Isaiditoverandoverandover.

“Thestormeventuallypassed.Iclimbeddownfromthetreeand

walkedbacktomyroomandwenttosleep.Thatwasthemostimportant

experienceofmylifetothatpoint,andhere’swhy:Thenextmorning,I’m

walkingdownthesidewalk,andherecomesthisgirlIwasattractedto.

She’swaybeyondmyreach.She’swalkingtowardme,andshesays,

‘Goodmorning,Paul.Howareyou?’Ilookatherandsay,‘I’mdoing

great.’Iwasn’tstuttering!AndIhavehardlyeverstutteredsince.

“Andthat’swhenIrealizedIwantedtolookintothesemushrooms.”

•••

INAREMARKABLYSHORTSPANoftime,Stametsmadehimselfintooneofthe

country’sleadingexpertsonthegenusPsilocybe.In1978,attheageof

twenty-three,hepublishedhisfirstbook,PsilocybeMushroomsand

TheirAllies—theiralliesunderstoodtobeus,theanimalthathaddone

themosttospreadtheirgenesand,asStametsnowsawashiscalling,

theirplanetarygospel.

StametsgothismycologicaleducationnotatKenyon,whichheleft

afteroneyear,butattheEvergreenStateCollege,whichinthemid-1970s

wasanewexperimentalcollegeinOlympia,Washington,wherestudents

coulddesigntheirowncourseofindependentstudy.Ayoungprofessor

namedMichaelBeug,whohadadegreeinenvironmentalchemistry,

agreedtotakeunderhiswingStametsandtwootherequallypromising

mycologicallyobsessedstudents:JeremyBigwoodandJonathanOtt.

Beugwasnothimselfamycologistbytraining,butthefourofthem

masteredthesubjecttogether,withthehelpofanelectronmicroscope

andaDEAlicensethatBeughadsomehowsecured.Thusarmed,thefour

trainedtheirattentiononagenusthattherestofthefieldgenerallychose

topassoverinuncomfortablesilence.

Illegalsince1970,psilocybinmushroomswereatthetimechieflyof

interesttothecounterculture,asagentler,morenaturalalternativeto

LSD,butverylittlewasknownabouttheirhabitat,distribution,lifecycle,

orpotency.Itwasbelievedthatpsychedelicmushroomswerenativeto

southernMexico,whereR.GordonWassonhad“discovered”themin

1955.Bythe1970s,mostofthepsilocybinincirculationinAmericawas

beingimportedfromLatinAmericaorgrowndomesticallyfromsporesof

LatinAmericanspecies,mainlycubensis.

TheEvergreengroupchalkedupseveralnotableaccomplishments:

theyidentifiedandpublishedthreenewpsilocybinspecies,perfected

methodsforgrowingthemindoors,anddevelopedtechniquesfor

measuringlevelsofpsilocinandpsilocybininmushrooms.Butperhaps

thegroup’smostimportantcontributionwastoshiftthefocusof

attentionamongpeoplewhocaredaboutPsilocybesfromsouthern

MexicotothePacificNorthwest.Stametsandhiscolleagueswerefinding

newspeciesofpsilocybinmushroomsallaroundthemandpublishing

theirfindings.“Youcouldalmostfeeltheearth’saxistiltingtothiscorner

oftheworld.”AnywhereyouwentinthePacificNorthwest,Stamets

recalls,youcouldseepeopletracingpeculiarpatternsthroughfarmfields

andlawns,bentoverinwhathecalls“thepsilocybinstoop.”

Duringthisperiod,thePacificNorthwestemergedasanewcenterof

gravityinAmericanpsychedelicculture,withtheEvergreenStateCollege

servingasitsdefactointellectualhubandR&Dfacility.Beginningin

1976,StametsandhisEvergreencolleaguesorganizedaseriesofnow-

legendarymushroomconferences,bringingtogethertheleadinglightsof

boththecredentialedandtheamateurwingsofthepsychedelicworld,

andduringmyfirsteveningathishouseStametsdugoutsomeVHS

tapesofthelastoftheseconferences,heldin1999.Thefootagehadbeen

shotbyLesBlank,butasoftenhappenedwithcoverageofsuch

psychedelicgatherings,noonecouldeverquitegetittogethertoeditthe

rawfootage,sorawitremains.

“Conference”mightnotdojusticetowhatnowappearedonStamets’s

television.Wewatchedasseveraloftheattendees—IspottedDr.Andrew

Weil,bestknownforhisbooksonholisticmedicine;thepsychedelic

chemistSashaShulginandhiswife,Ann;andtheNewYorkBotanical

GardenmycologistGaryLincoff—arrivedtogreatfanfareina

psychedelicallypaintedschoolbuspilotedbyKenKesey.(Thebuswas

calledFarther,thesuccessortoFurther,theoriginalMerryPranksterbus,

evidentlynolongerroadworthy.)Theproceedingslookedmorelikea

Dionysianrevelthanaconference,yetthereweresomeserioustalks.

JonathanOttdeliveredabrilliantlectureonthehistoryof“entheogens”—

atermhehelpedcoin.Hetracedtheiruseallthewaybacktothe

EleusinianmysteriesoftheGreeks,throughthe“pharmocratic

inquisition,”whentheSpanishconquestsuppressedtheMesoamerican

mushroomcults,andforwardtothe“entheogenicreformation”thathas

beenunderwaysinceR.GordonWasson’sdiscoverythatthosecultshad

survivedinMexico.Alongtheway,Ottmadeanoffhandreferencetothe

“placebosacraments”oftheCatholicEucharist.

Thencamefootageofabigcostumeballwithlingeringclose-upsofa

giantpunchbowlthathadbeenspikedwithdozensofdifferentkindsof

psychedelicmushrooms.Stametspointedoutseveralprominent

mycologistsandethnobotanistsamongtherevelers;manyofthem

dressedasspecifickindsoffungus—Amanitamuscaria,button

mushrooms,andsoon.Stametshimselfappeareddressedasabear.

Whenoneisscreeningrawfootageofpeopleincostumetrippingon

mushroomsanddancingsloppilytoareggaeband,alittlegoesalong

way,soafterafewminutesweflickedofftheTV.IaskedStametsabout

earlieriterationsoftheconference,someofwhichseemedtohavea

slightlymoreinterestingratioofintellectualsubstancetoDionysian

revelry.In1977,forinstance,Stametshadtheopportunitytoplayhostto

twoofhisheroes:AlbertHofmannandR.GordonWasson,whose1957

articleinLifemagazinedescribingthefirstpsilocybinjourneyevertaken

byaWesterner—hisown—helpedlaunchthepsychedelicrevolutionin

America.

Stametsmentionedthathecollectedoriginalcopiesofthatissueof

Life,whichoccasionallyshowuponeBayandatfleamarkets,andonmy

wayupstairstobedthatnightwestoppedinhisofficesoIcouldhavea

lookatit.TheissuewasdatedMay13,1957,andBertLahrwasonthe

cover,muggingforthecamerainamorningsuitandabowlerhat.But

themostprominentcoverlinewasdevotedtoWasson’snotoriousarticle:

“TheDiscoveryofMushroomsThatCauseStrangeVisions.”Stametssaid

Icouldhaveacopy,andItookittobed.

•••

FROMTHEVANTAGEOFTODAY,itishardtobelievethatpsilocybinwas

introducedtotheWestbyavicepresidentofJ.P.Morganinthepagesof

amass-circulationmagazineownedbyHenryLuce;twomore

establishmentcharactersitwouldbedifficulttodreamup.Butin1957,

psychedelicdrugshadnotyetacquiredanyoftheculturalandpolitical

stigmasthat,adecadelater,wouldweighonourattitudestowardthem.

Atthetime,LSDwasnotwellknownoutsidethesmallcommunityof

medicalprofessionalswhoregardeditasapotentialmiracledrugfor

psychiatricillnessandalcoholaddiction.

Asithappened,theTime-Lifefounderandeditorinchief,HenryLuce,

alongwithhiswife,ClareBootheLuce,hadpersonalknowledgeof

psychedelicdrugs,andtheysharedtheenthusiasmofthemedicaland

culturaleliteswhohadembracedtheminthe1950s.In1964,Lucetolda

gatheringofhisstaffthatheandhiswifehadbeentakingLSD“under

doctor’ssupervision”;ClareBootheLucerecalledthatduringherfirsttrip

inthe1950sshesawtheworld“throughtheeyesofahappyandgifted

child.”Before1965,whenamoralpaniceruptedoverLSD,Time-Life

publicationswereenthusiasticboostersofpsychedelics,andLucetooka

personalinterestindirectinghismagazine’scoverageofthem.

SowhenR.GordonWassonapproachedLifemagazinewithhisstory,

hecouldnothaveknockedonamorereceptivedoor.Lifegavehima

generouscontractthat,inadditiontotheprincelysumofeighty-five

hundreddollars,grantedhimfinalapprovalontheeditingofhisarticle,

aswellasthewordingofheadlinesandcaptions.Itspecifiedthat

Wasson’saccountincludea“descriptionofyourownsensationsand

fantasiesundertheinfluenceofthemushroom.”

AsIpagedthroughtheissueinbedthatevening,theworldof1957

seemedlikeafarawayplanet,eventhoughIlivedonit,albeitasatwo-

year-old.MyparentssubscribedtoLife,sotheissueprobablysatinthe

bigpileinourdenforastretchofmychildhood.Lifemagazinewasa

massmediumin1957,withacirculationof5.7million.

“SeekingtheMagicMushroom,”inwhich“aNewYorkbankergoesto

Mexico’smountainstoparticipateintheage-oldritualsofIndianswho

chewstrangegrowthsthatproducevisions,”openedonaspreadwitha

full-pagecolorphotographofaMazatecwomanturningamushroom

overasmokyfireandgoesonfornofewerthanfifteenpages.The

headlineisthefirstknownreferenceto“magicmushrooms,”aphrase

that,itturnsout,wascoinednotbyastonedhippiebutbyaTime-Life

headlinewriter.

“Wechewedandswallowedtheseacridmushrooms,sawvisions,and

emergedfromtheexperienceawestruck,”Wassontellsus,somewhat

breathlessly,inthefirstparagraph.“Wehadcomefromafartoattenda

mushroomritebuthadexpectednothingsostaggeringasthevirtuosityof

theperformingcuranderas[healers]andtheastonishingeffectsofthe

mushrooms.[Thephotographer]andIwerethefirstwhitemenin

recordedhistorytoeatthedivinemushrooms,whichforcenturieshad

beenasecretofcertainIndianpeopleslivingfarfromthegreatworldin

southernMexico.”

Wassonthenproceedstotelltheimprobabletaleofhowsomeonelike

him,“abankerbyoccupation,”wouldendupeatingmagicmushroomsin

thedirt-flooredbasementofathatch-roofed,adobe-walledhomeina

Oaxacantownsoremoteitcouldonlybereachedbymeansofaneleven-

hourtrekthroughthemountainsbymule.

Thestorybeginsin1927,duringWasson’shoneymoonintheCatskills.

Duringanafternoonstrollintheautumnwoods,hisbride,aRussian

physiciannamedValentina,spottedapatchofwildmushrooms,before

which“shekneltinposesofadoration.”Wassonknewnothingof“those

putrid,treacherousexcrescences”andwasalarmedwhenValentina

proposedtocookthemfordinner.Herefusedtopartake.“Notlong

married,”Wassonwrote,“Ithoughttowakeupthenextmorninga

widower.”

Thecouplebecamecuriousastohowtwoculturescouldholdsuch

diametricallyopposedattitudestowardmushrooms.Theysoonembarked

onaresearchprojecttounderstandtheoriginsofboth“mycophobia”and

“mycophilia,”termsthattheWassonsintroduced.Theyconcludedthat

eachIndo-Europeanpeopleisbyculturalinheritanceeithermycophobic

(forexample,theAnglo-Saxons,Celts,andScandinavians)ormycophilic

(theRussians,Catalans,andSlavs)andproposedanexplanationforthe

powerfulfeelingsinbothcamps:“Wasitnotprobablethat,longago,long

beforethebeginningsofwrittenhistory,ourancestorshadworshippeda

divinemushroom?Thiswouldexplaintheauraofthesupernaturalin

whichallfungiseemtobebathed.”*Thelogicalnextquestionpresented

itselftotheWassons—“Whatkindofmushroomwasonceworshipped,

andwhy?”—andwiththatquestioninhandtheyembarkedonathirty-

yearquesttofindthedivinemushroom.Theyhopedtoobtainevidence

fortheaudacioustheorythatWassonhaddevelopedandthatwould

occupyhimuntilhisdeath:thatthereligiousimpulseinhumankindhad

beenfirstkindledbythevisionsinspiredbyapsychoactivemushroom.

Asaprominentfinancier,R.GordonWassonhadtheresourcesand

theconnectionstoenlistallmannerofexpertsandscholarsinhisquest.

OneofthesewasthepoetRobertGraves,whosharedtheWassons’

interestintheroleofmushroomsinhistoryandinthecommonoriginsof

theworld’smythsandreligions.In1952,GravessentWassonaclipping

fromapharmaceuticaljournalthatmadereferencetoapsychoactive

mushroomusedbysixteenth-centuryMesoamericanIndians.Thearticle

wasbasedonresearchdoneinCentralAmericabyRichardEvans

Schultes,aHarvardethnobotanistwhostudiedtheusesofpsychoactive

plantsandfungibyindigenouscultures.Schulteswasareveredprofessor

whomstudentsrecallshootingblowgunsinclassandkeepingabasketof

peyotebuttonsoutsidehisHarvardoffice;hetrainedagenerationof

Americanethnobotanists,includingWadeDavis,MarkPlotkin,Michael

Balick,TimPlowman,andAndrewWeil.AlongwithWasson,Schultesis

oneofahandfuloffigureswhoseroleinbringingpsychedelicstothe

Westhasgoneunderappreciated;indeed,someofthefirstseedsofthat

movementhavequiteliterallysatintheHarvardherbariumsincethe

1930s,morethanaquartercenturybeforeTimothyLearysetfootonthe

campus.ForitwasSchulteswhofirstidentifiedteonanácatl—thesacred

mushroomoftheAztecsandtheirdescendants—aswellasololiuqui,the

seedsofthemorningglory,whichtheAztecsalsoconsumed

sacramentallyandwhichcontainanalkaloidcloselyrelatedtoLSD.

Uptothispoint,theWassonshadbeenlookingtowardAsiafortheir

divinemushroom;Schultesreorientedtheirquest,pointingthemtoward

theAmericas,wheretherewerescatteredreports,frommissionariesand

anthropologists,suggestingthatanancientmushroomcultmightyet

surviveintheremotemountainvillagesofsouthernMexico.

In1953,WassonmadethefirstoftentripstoMexicoandCentral

America,severalofthemtothevillageofHuautladeJiménez,deepinthe

mountainsofOaxaca,whereoneofhisinformants—amissionary—had

toldhimhealerswereusingmushrooms.Atfirstthelocalsweretight-

lipped.SometoldWassontheyhadneverheardofthemushrooms,or

thattheywerenolongerused,orthatthepracticesurvivedonlyinsome

other,distantvillage.

Theirreticencewasnotsurprising.Thesacramentaluseof

psychoactivemushroomshadbeenkeptsecretfromWesternersforfour

hundredyears,sinceshortlyaftertheSpanishconquest,whenitwas

drivenunderground.Thebestaccountwehaveofthepracticeisthatof

theSpanishmissionarypriestBernardinodeSahagún,whointhe

sixteenthcenturydescribedtheuseofmushroomsinanAztecreligious

observance:

Thesetheyatebeforedawnwithhoney,andtheyalsodrank

cacaobeforedawn.Themushroomstheyatewithhoney

whentheybegantogetheatedfromthem,theybeganto

dance,andsomesang,andsomewept...Somecarednotto

sing,butwouldsitdownintheirrooms,andstayedthere

pensive-like.Andsomesawinavisionthattheyweredying,

andtheywept,andotherssawinavisionthatsomewild

beastwaseatingthem,otherssawinavisionthattheywere

takingcaptivesinwar...otherssawinavisionthatthey

weretocommitadulteryandthattheirheadsweretobe

bashedintherefor...Thenwhenthedrunkennessofthe

mushroomshadpassed,theyspokeonewithanotherabout

thevisionsthattheyhadseen.

TheSpanishsoughttocrushthemushroomcults,viewingthem,

rightly,asamortalthreattotheauthorityofthechurch.Oneofthefirst

priestsCortésbroughttoMexicotoChristianizetheAztecsdeclaredthat

themushroomswerethefleshof“thedevilthattheyworshipped,and...

withthisbitterfoodtheyreceivedtheircruelgodincommunion.”Indians

wereinterrogatedandtorturedintoconfessingthepractice,and

mushroomstones—manyofthemfoot-tallchiseledbasaltsculpturesof

thesacredfungi,presumablyusedinreligiousceremonies—were

smashed.TheInquisitionwouldbringdozensofchargesagainstNative

Americansforcrimesinvolvingbothpeyoteandpsilocybin,inwhat

amountedtoanearlybattleinthewarondrugs—or,tobemoreprecise,

thewaroncertainplantsandfungi.In1620,theRomanCatholicChurch

declaredthattheuseofplantsfordivinationwas“anactofsuperstition

condemnedasopposedtothepurityandintegrityofourHolyCatholic

Faith.”

It’snothardtoseewhythechurchwouldhavereactedsoviolentlyto

thesacramentaluseofmushrooms.TheNahuatlwordforthe

mushrooms—fleshofthegods—musthavesoundedtoSpanishearslikea

directchallengetotheChristianSacrament,whichofcoursewasalso

understoodtobethefleshofthegods,orratheroftheoneGod.Yetthe

mushroomsacramentenjoyedanundeniableadvantageoverthe

Christianversion.Ittookanactoffaithtobelievethateatingthebread

andwineoftheEucharistgavetheworshipperaccesstothedivine,an

accessthathadtobemediatedbyapriestandthechurchliturgy.

ComparethatwiththeAztecsacrament,apsychoactivemushroomthat

grantedanyonewhoateitdirect,unmediatedaccesstothedivine—to

visionsofanotherworld,arealmofthegods.Sowhohadthemore

powerfulsacrament?AsaMazatecIndiantoldWasson,themushrooms

“carryyoutherewheregodis.”

TheRomanCatholicChurchmighthavebeenthefirstinstitutionto

fullyrecognizethethreattoitsauthorityposedbyapsychedelicplant,but

itcertainlywouldn’tbethelast.

•••

ONTHENIGHTOFJUNE29–30,1955,R.GordonWassonexperiencedthe

sacredmushroomsfirsthand.OnhisthirdtriptoHuautla,hehad

persuadedMaríaSabina,asixty-one-year-oldMazatecandarespected

curanderainthevillage,tolethimandhisphotographernotonly

observebuttakepartinaceremonyinwhichnooutsiderhadever

participated.Thevelada,astheceremonywascalled,tookplaceafter

darkinthebasementofthehomeofalocalofficialWassonhadenlisted

inhiscause,beforeasimplealtar“adornedwithChristianimages.”To

protectheridentity,WassoncalledSabina“EvaMendez,”discerning“a

spiritualityinherexpressionthatstruckusatonce.”Aftercleaningthe

mushroomsandpassingthemthroughthepurifyingsmokeofincense,

SabinahandedWassonacupcontainingsixpairsofmushrooms;she

calledthem“thelittlechildren.”Theytastedawful:“acridwitharancid

odorthatrepeateditself.”Evenso,“Icouldnothavebeenhappier:this

wastheculminationofsixyearsofpursuit.”

Thevisionsthatnowarrived“wereinvividcolor,alwaysharmonious.

Theybeganwithartmotifs,angularsuchasmightdecoratecarpetsor

textilesorwallpaper...Thentheyevolvedintopalaceswithcourts,

arcades,gardens—resplendentpalacesalllaidoverwithsemiprecious

stone.ThenIsawamythologicalbeastdrawingaregalchariot.”Andso

forth.

Wasson’soriginalfieldnotebooksareinthebotanicallibraryat

Harvard.Inaneatbutsomewhatidiosyncratichand,hekeptmeticulous

trackofthetimethatnight,fromarrival(8:15)toingestion(10:40)tothe

snuffingoutofthelastcandle(10:45).

Afterthat,thehandwritingdisintegrates.Somesentencesnowappear

upsidedown,andWasson’sdescriptionsofwhathefeltandsaw

graduallybreakintofragments:

Nauseaasvisiondistorted.Touchingwall—madetheworldof

visionsseemtocrumble.Lightfromabovedoorandbelow—

moon.Tabletooknewforms—creatures,greatprocessional

vehicle,architecturalpatternsofradiantcolor.Nausea.No

photosoncethe[illegible]seizedus.

Architectural

Eyesoutoffocus—thecandleswesawthemdouble.

Orientalsplendor—Alhambra—chariot

Tabletransformed

Contrastvisionandreality—Itouchwall.

“Thevisionswerenotblurredoruncertain,”hewrites.Indeed,“they

seemedmorerealtomethananythingIhadeverseenwithmyown

eyes.”Atthispoint,thereaderbeginstofeeltheliteraryhandofAldous

HuxleyexertingacertainpressureonbothWasson’sproseandhis

perceptions:“IfeltthatIwasnowseeingplain,whereasordinaryvision

givesusanimperfectview.”Wasson’sowndoorsofperceptionhadbeen

flungwideopen:“Iwasseeingthearchetypes,thePlatonicideas,that

underlietheimperfectimagesofeverydaylife.”ToreadWassonistofeel

asifyouwerewitnessingthestill-freshandmalleableconventionsofthe

psychedelicnarrativegraduallysolidifyingbeforeyoureyes.Whether

AldousHuxleyinventedthesetropes,orwasmerelytheirstenographer,is

hardtosay,buttheywouldinformthegenre,aswellastheexperience,

fromhereon.“Forthefirsttimethewordecstasytookonrealmeaning,”

Wassonrecalls.“Forthefirsttimeitdidnotmeansomeoneelse’sstateof

mind.”

Wassonconcludedfromhisexperiencethathisworkinghypothesis

abouttherootsofthereligiousexperienceinpsychoactivefungihadbeen

vindicated.“Inman’sevolutionarypast...theremusthavecomea

momentintimewhenhediscoveredthesecretofthehallucinatory

mushrooms.Theireffectonhim,asIseeit,couldonlyhavebeen

profound,adetonatortonewideas.Forthemushroomsrevealedtohim

worldsbeyondthehorizonsknowntohim,inspaceandtime,even

worldsonadifferentplaneofbeing,aheavenandperhapsahell...One

isemboldenedtothepointofaskingwhethertheymaynothaveplanted

inprimitivemantheveryideaofaGod.”

Whateveronethinksaboutthisidea,it’sworthpointingoutthat

WassoncametoHuautlawithitalreadyfirmlyplantedandhewaswilling

tosubtlytwistvariouselementsofhisexperiencethereinorderto

confirmit.AsmuchashewantsustoseeMaríaSabinaasareligious

figure,andherceremonyasaformofwhathecalls“Holycommunion,”

shesawherselfquitedifferently.Themushroommightwellhaveserved

asasacramentfivehundredyearsearlier,butby1955manyMazatecs

hadbecomedevoutCatholics,andtheynowusedmushroomsnotfor

worshipbutforhealinganddivination—tolocatemissingpeopleand

importantitems.Wassonknewthisperfectlywell,whichiswhyhe

employedtherusehedidtogainaccesstoaceremony:hetoldMaría

Sabinahewasworriedabouthissonbackhomeandwantedinformation

abouthiswhereaboutsandwell-being.(Spookilyenough,hereceived

whathediscoveredonhisreturntoNewYorktobeaccurateinformation

onbothcounts.)Wassonwasdistortingacomplexindigenouspracticein

ordertofitapreconceivedtheoryandconflatingthehistorical

significanceofthatpracticewithitscontemporarymeaning.AsSabina

toldaninterviewersomeyearslater,“BeforeWassonnobodytookthe

mushroomsonlytofindGod.Theywerealwaystakenforthesicktoget

well.”AsoneofWasson’sharshercritics,theEnglishwriterAndy

Letcher,acidlyputit,“TofindGod,Sabina—likeallgoodCatholics—went

toMass.”

•••

WASSON’SARTICLEINLIFEwasreadbymillionsofpeople(includinga

psychologyprofessoronhiswaytoHarvardnamedTimothyLeary).

Wasson’sstoryreachedtensofmillionsmorewhenheshareditonthe

popularCBSnewsprogramPersontoPerson,andinthemonthsto

followseveralothermagazines,includingTrue:TheMan’sMagazine,ran

first-personaccountsofmagicmushroomjourneys(“TheVegetableThat

DrivesMenMad”),journeysforwhichWassonsuppliedthemushrooms.

(Hehadbroughtbackasupplyandwouldconductceremoniesinhis

Manhattanapartment.)Anexhibitiononmagicmushroomssoon

followedattheAmericanMuseumofNaturalHistoryinNewYork.

ShortlyafterthearticleinLifewaspublished,Wassonarrangedto

havesomespecimensoftheMexicanmushroomssenttoAlbertHofmann

inSwitzerlandforanalysis.In1958,Hofmannisolatedandnamedthe

twopsychoactivecompounds,psilocybinandpsilocin,anddevelopedthe

syntheticversionofpsilocybinusedinthecurrentresearch.Hofmann

alsoexperimentedwiththemushroomshimself.“Thirtyminutesaftermy

takingthemushrooms,”hewrote,“theexteriorworldbegantoundergoa

strangetransformation.EverythingassumedaMexicancharacter.”In

1962,HofmannjoinedWassonononeofhisreturntripstoHuautla,

duringwhichthechemistgaveMaríaSabinapsilocybininpillform.She

tooktwoofthepillsanddeclaredtheydidindeedcontainthespiritofthe

mushroom.*

Itdidn’ttakelongforthousandsofotherpeople—including,

eventually,celebritiessuchasBobDylan,JohnLennon,andMickJagger

—tofindtheirwaytoHuautlaandtoMaríaSabina’sdoor.*ForMaría

Sabinaandhervillage,theattentionwasruinous.Wassonwouldlater

holdhimselfresponsiblefor“unleash[ing]onlovelyHuautlaatorrentof

commercialexploitationofthevilestkind,”ashewroteinaplaintive

1970NewYorkTimesop-ed.Huautlahadbecomefirstabeatnik,thena

hippiemecca,andthesacredmushrooms,onceacloselyguardedsecret,

werenowbeingsoldopenlyonthestreet.MaríaSabina’sneighbors

blamedherforwhatwashappeningtotheirvillage;herhomewasburned

down,andshewasbrieflyjailed.Nearingtheendofherlife,shehad

nothingbutregretforhavingsharedthedivinemushroomswithR.

GordonWassonand,inturn,theworld.“Fromthemomentthe

foreignersarrived,”shetoldavisitor,“thesaintchildrenlosttheirpurity.

Theylosttheirforce;theforeignersspoiledthem.Fromnowonthey

won’tbeanygood.”

•••

WHENTHENEXTMORNINGIcamedownstairs,PaulStametswasinthe

livingroom,arranginghiscollectionofmushroomstonesonthecoffee

table.Ihadreadabouttheseartifactsbuthadneverseenorheldone,and

theywereimpressiveobjects:roughlycarvedchunksofbasaltinavariety

ofsizesandshapes.Someweresimpleandlookedlikegigantic

mushrooms;othershadatripodorfour-footedbase,andstillothershad

afigurecarvedintothestipe(orstem).Thousandsofthesestoneswere

smashedbytheSpanish,buttwohundredareknowntosurvive,and

Stametsownssixteenofthem.Mostofthesurvivingstoneshavebeen

foundintheGuatemalanhighlands,oftenwhenfarmersareplowingtheir

fields;somehavebeendatedtoatleast1000B.C.

AsStametscarriedtheheavystones,onebyone,fromtheircabinetto

thecoffeetable,wherehearrangedthemwithgreatcare,helookedlike

analtarboy,handlingthemwiththesobrietyappropriatetoirreplaceable

sacredobjects.ItoccurredtomePaulStametsisR.GordonWasson’s

rightfulheir.(Wasson,too,collectedmushroomstones,someofwhichI

sawatHarvard.)Heshareshisradicallymycocentriccosmologyandsees

evidencewhereverhelooksforthecentralityofpsychoactivemushrooms

inculture,religion,andnature.Stamets’slaptopiscrammedwithimages

ofPsilocybestakennotonlyfromnature(he’sasuperbphotographer)

butalsofromcavepaintings,NorthAfricanpetroglyphs,medievalchurch

architecture,andIslamicdesigns,someofwhichrecalltheformsof

mushroomsor,withtheirfractalgeometricpatternings,mushroom

experiences.IconfessthattryasImight,Ioftenfailedtofindthe

mushroomslurkinginthepictures.Nodoubtthemushroomsthemselves

couldhelp.

ThisbringsustoTerenceMcKenna’sstonedapetheory,theepitomeof

allmycocentricspeculation,whichStametshadwantedtomakesurewe

discussed.ThoughreadingisnosubstituteforhearingMcKennaexpound

histhesis(youcanfindhimonYouTube),hesummarizesitinFoodofthe

Gods(1992):Psilocybesgaveourhominidancestors“accesstorealmsof

supernaturalpower,”“catalyzedtheemergenceofhumanself-reflection,”

and“broughtusoutoftheanimalmindandintotheworldofarticulated

speechandimagination.”Thislasthypothesisabouttheinventionof

languageturnsontheconceptofsynesthesia,theconflationofthesenses

thatpsychedelicsareknowntoinduce:undertheinfluenceofpsilocybin,

numberscantakeoncolors,colorsattachtosounds,andsoon.

Language,hecontends,representsaspecialcaseofsynesthesia,inwhich

otherwisemeaninglesssoundsbecomelinkedtoconcepts.Hence,the

stonedape:bygivingusthegiftsoflanguageandself-reflection

psilocybinmushroomsmadeuswhoweare,transformingourprimate

ancestorsintoHomosapiens.

Thestonedapetheoryisnotreallysusceptibletoproofordisproof.

Theconsumptionofmushroomsbyearlyhominidswouldbeunlikelyto

leaveanytraceinthefossilrecord,becausethemushroomsaresofttissue

andcanbeeatenfresh,requiringnospecialtoolsorprocessingmethods

thatmighthavesurvived.McKennaneverreallyexplainshowthe

consumptionofpsychoactivemushroomscouldhaveinfluenced

biologicalevolution—thatis,selectedforchangesatthelevelofthe

genome.Itwouldhavebeeneasierforhimtomakeanargumentfor

psychoactivefungi’sinfluenceonculturalevolution—suchastheone

Wassonmade—butevidentlythefungihadmoreambitiousplansforthe

mindofTerenceMcKenna,andTerenceMcKennawasmorethanhappy

tooblige.

StametsbecamegoodfriendswithMcKennaduringthelastfewyears

ofhislife,andeversinceMcKenna’sdeath(atagefifty-three,frombrain

cancer),hehasbeencarryingthestonedape’storch,recounting

McKenna’stheoryinmanyofhistalks.Stametsacknowledgesthe

challengesofeverprovingittoanyone’ssatisfactionyetdeemsit“more

likelythannot”thatpsilocybin“waspivotalinhumanevolution.”Whatis

itaboutthesemushrooms,Iwondered,andtheexperiencetheysponsor

inthemindsofmen,thatfiresthiskindofintellectualextravaganceand

conviction?

Thestoriesofmyco-evangelistslikeMcKennareadlikeconversion

narratives,inwhichcertainpeoplewhohavefeltthepowerofthese

mushroomsfirsthandemergefromtheexperienceconvincedthatthese

fungiareprimemovers—gods,ofasort—thatcanexplaineverything.

Theirpropheticmissioninlifebecomesclear:bringthisnewstothe

world!

Nowconsiderallthisfromthemushroom’spointofview:whatmight

havestartedasabiochemicalaccidenthasturnedintoaningenious

strategyforenlargingthespecies’rangeandnumber,bywinningthe

ferventdevotionofananimalasingeniousandwelltraveled(andwell

spoken!)asHomosapiens.InMcKenna’svision,itisthemushroomitself

thathelpedformpreciselythekindofmind—endowedwiththetoolsof

languageandfiredbyimagination—thatcouldbestadvanceitsinterests.

Howdiabolicallybrilliant!NowonderPaulStametsisconvincedoftheir

intelligence.

•••

THENEXTMORNING,beforewepackedupthecarsforourtripsouth,

Stametshadanothergifthewantedtogiveme.Wewereinhisoffice,

lookingatsomeimagesonhiscomputer,whenhepulledofftheshelfa

smallpileofamadouhats.“Seeifoneofthesefitsyou.”Mostofthe

mushroomhatsweretoobigforme,butIfoundonethatsatcomfortably

onmyheadandthankedhimforthegift.Thehatwassurprisinglysoft

andalmostweightless,butIfeltalittlesillywithamushroomonmy

head,soIcarefullypackeditinmyluggage.

EarlySundaymorningwedrovewesttowardthePacificcoastandthen

southtotheColumbiaRiver,stoppingforlunchandcampingprovisions

intheresorttownofLongBeach.ThisbeingthefirstweekofDecember,

thetownwasprettywellbuttonedupandsleepy.Stametsrequestedthat

InotpublishtheexactlocationwherewewenthuntingforPsilocybe

azurescens.ButwhatIcansayisthattherearethreepublicparks

borderingthewide-openmouthoftheColumbia—FortStevens,Cape

Disappointment,andtheLewisandClarkNationalHistoricalPark—and

westayedatoneofthem.Stamets,whohasbeencomingheretohunt

azziesforyears,wasmildlyparanoidaboutbeingrecognizedbyaranger,

sohestayedinthecarwhileIcheckedinattheofficeandpickedupa

mapgivingdirectionstoouryurt.

Assoonasweunloadedandstowedourgear,welacedupourboots

andheadedouttolookformushrooms.Whichreallyjustmeantwalking

aroundwitheyescastdownward,tracingdesultorypatternsthroughthe

scrubalongthesanddunesandinthegrassyareasadjoiningtheyurts.

Weadoptedthepostureofthepsilocybinstoop,exceptthatweraisedour

headseverytimeweheardacarcoming.Foragingmushroomsis

prohibitedinmoststateparks,andbeinginpossessionofpsilocybin

mushroomsisbothastateandafederalcrime.

Theweatherwasovercastinthehighforties—balmyforthisfarnorth

onthePacificcoastinDecember,whenitcanbecold,wet,andstormy.

Weprettymuchhadthewholeparktoourselves.Itwasastunning,

desolatelandscape,withpinetreesprunedlowandangularbythewinds

comingofftheocean,endlessdead-flatsandybeacheswithplentyof

driftwood,andgiantstorm-tossedtimberswashedupandjack-strawed

hereandtherealongthebeach.Theselogshadsomehowslippedout

fromunderthethumbofthelumberindustry,floatingdownthe

Columbiafromtheold-growthforestshundredsofmilesupriverand

washinguphere.

StametssuspectsthatPsilocybeazurescensmightoriginallyhave

riddenoutoftheforestinthefleshofthoselogsandfounditswayhereto

themouthoftheColumbia—thusfartheonlyplacethespecieshasever

beenfound.Somemyceliumwillactuallyinsinuateitselfintothegrainof

trees,takingupresidenceandformingasymbioticrelationshipwiththe

tree.Stametsbelievesthemyceliumfunctionsasakindofimmune

systemforitsarborealhost,secretingantibacterial,antiviral,and

insecticidalcompoundsthatprotectthetreesfromdiseasesandpests,in

exchangefornourishmentandhabitat.

Aswewalkedinwideningspiralsandfigureeightsoverthegrassy

dunes,Stametskeptupasteadymycologicalpatter;onenicethingabout

huntingmushroomsisthatyoudon’thavetoworryaboutscaringthem

awaywiththesoundofyourvoice.Everynowandthenhepausedto

showmeamushroom.Littlebrownmushroomsarenotoriouslydifficult

toidentify,butStametsalmostalwayshaditsLatinbinomialandafew

interestingfactsaboutitathisfingertips.Atonepoint,hehandedmea

Russula,explainingitwasgoodtoeat.Ionlynibbledattheruddycap

beforeIhadtospititout,itwassofiery.Evidently,offeringnewbiesthis

particularRussulaisanoldmycologisthazingritual.

IsawplentyofLBMsthatmightormightnotbepsilocybinandwas

constantlyinterruptingStametsforanotherID,andeverytimehehadto

prickmybubbleofhopethatIhadatlastfoundthepreciousquarry.

Afteranhourortwooffruitlesssearching,Stametswonderedaloudif

maybewehadcometoolatefortheazzies.

Andthenallofasudden,inanexcitedstagewhisper,hecalledout,

“Gotone!”Iracedover,askinghimtoleavethemushroominplacesoI

couldseewhereandhowitgrew.Thiswould,Ihoped,allowmeto“get

myeyeson,”asmushroomhuntersliketosay.Onceweregisteronour

retinasthevisualpatternoftheobjectwe’researchingfor,it’smuchmore

likelytopopoutofthevisualfield.(Infactthetechnicalnameforthis

phenomenonis“thepop-outeffect.”)

Itwasahandsomelittlemushroom,withasmooth,slightlyglossy

caramel-coloredcap.Stametsletmepickit;ithadasurprisingly

tenaciousgrip,andwhenitcameoutoftheground,itbroughtwithit

someleaflitter,soil,andalittleknotofbrightwhitemycelium.“Bruise

thestipeabit,”Stametssuggested.Idid,andwithinminutesabluetinge

appearedwhereI’drubbedit.“That’sthepsilocin.”Ineverexpectedto

actuallyseethechemicalIhadreadsomuchabout.

Themushroomhadbeengrowingastone’sthrowfromouryurt,right

ontheedgeofaparkingspot.Stametssaysthatlikemanypsilocybin

species“azziesareorganismsoftheecologicaledge.Lookatwherewe

are:attheedgeofthecontinent,theedgeofanecosystem,theedgeof

civilization,andofcoursethesemushroomsbringustotheedgeof

consciousness.”Atthispoint,Stamets,whowhenitcomestomushrooms

isoneseriousdude,madethefirstjokeIhadeverheardhimmake:“You

knowoneofthebestindicatorspeciesforPsilocybeazurescensare

Winnebagos.”We’reobviouslynotthefirstpeopletohuntforazziesin

thispark,andanyonewhopicksamushroomtrailsaninvisiblecloudof

itssporebehindhim;this,hebelieves,istheoriginoftheideaoffairy

dust.Attheendofmanyofthosetrailsisapttobeacampsite,acar,ora

Winnebago.

Wefoundsevenazziesthatafternoon,thoughbyweImeanStamets;I

onlyfoundone,andeventhenIwasn’tatallcertainitwasaPsilocybe

untilStametsgavemeasmileandathumbs-up.Icouldswearitlooked

exactlylikehalfadozenotherspeciesIwasfinding.Stametspatiently

tutoredmeinmushroommorphology,andbythefollowingdaymyluck

hadimproved,andIfoundfourlittlecaramelbeautiesonmyown.Not

muchofahaul,butthenStametshadsaidthatevenjustoneofthese

mushroomscouldunderwriteamajorpsychicexpedition.

Thatevening,wecarefullylaidoutoursevenmushroomsonapaper

towelandphotographedthembeforeputtingtheminfrontoftheyurt’s

spaceheatertodry.Withinhours,thehotairhadtransformeda

mushroomthatwasunimpressivetobeginwithintoatiny,shriveled

gray-bluescrapitwouldbeeasytooverlook.Theideathatsomethingso

unprepossessingcouldhavesuchconsequencewashardtocredit.

Ihadbeenlookingforwardtotryinganazzie,butbeforetheevening

wasover,Stametshaddampenedmyenthusiasm.“Ifindazurescens

almosttoostrong,”hetoldmewhenwewerestandingaroundthefirepit

outsideouryurt,havingabeer.Afternightfall,wehaddrivenoutontothe

beachtohuntforrazorclamsbyheadlight;nowweweresautéingthem

withonionsoverthefire.

“Andazzieshaveonepotentialsideeffectthatsomepeoplefind

troubling.”

Yes?

“Temporaryparalysis,”hesaidmatter-of-factly.Heexplainedthat

somepeopleonazziesfindtheycan’tmovetheirmusclesforaperiodof

time.Thatmightbetolerableifyou’reinasafeplace,hesuggested,“but

whatifyou’reoutdoorsandtheweatherturnscoldandwet?Youcould

dieofhypothermia.”Notmuchofanadvertisementforazurescens,

especiallycomingfromthemanwhodiscoveredthespeciesandnamedit.

Iwassuddenlyinmuchlessofahurrytotryone.

•••

THEQUESTIONIKEPTreturningtothatweekendisthis:Whyintheworld

wouldafungusgotothetroubleofproducingachemicalcompoundthat

hassucharadicaleffectonthemindsoftheanimalsthateatit?What,if

anything,didthispeculiarchemicaldoforthemushroom?Onecould

constructaquasi-mysticalexplanationforthisphenomenon,asStamets

andMcKennahavedone:bothsuggestthatneurochemistryisthe

languageinwhichnaturecommunicateswithus,andit’stryingtotellus

somethingimportantbywayofpsilocybin.Butthisstrikesmeasmoreof

apoeticconceitthanascientifictheory.

ThebestanswerI’vemanagedtofindarrivedafewweekslater

courtesyofPaulStamets’sprofessoratEvergreenState,MichaelBeug,

thechemist.WhenIreachedhimbyphoneathishomeintheColumbia

RiverGorge,160milesupriverofourcampsite,Beugsaidhewasretired

fromteachingandhadn’tspentmuchtimethinkingaboutPsilocybes

recently,buthewasintriguedbymyquestion.

Iaskedhimifthereisreasontobelievethatpsilocybinisadefense

chemicalforthemushroom.Defenseagainstpestsanddiseasesisthe

mostcommonfunctionoftheso-calledsecondarymetabolitesproduced

inplants.Curiously,manyplanttoxinsdon’tdirectlykillpests,butoften

actaspsychostimulantsaswellaspoisons,whichiswhyweusemanyof

themasdrugstoalterconsciousness.Whywouldn’tplantsjustkilltheir

predatorsoutright?Perhapsbecausethatwouldquicklyselectfor

resistance,whereasmessingwithitsneurotransmitternetworkscan

distractthepredatoror,betterstill,leadittoengageinriskybehaviors

likelytoshortenitslife.Thinkofaninebriatedinsectbehavinginaway

thatattractstheattentionofahungrybird.

ButBeugpointedoutthatifpsilocybinwereadefensechemical,“my

formerstudentPaulStametswouldhavejumpedonitlongagoandfound

auseforitasanantifungal,antibacterial,orinsecticide.”InfactBeughas

testedfungiforpsilocybinandpsilocinlevelsandfoundthattheyoccur

onlyinminutequantitiesinthemycelium—thepartoftheorganismmost

likelytobewelldefended.“Insteadthechemicalsareinthefruiting

bodies—sometimesatovertwopercentbydryweight!”—astupendous

quantity,andinapartoftheorganismitisnotaprioritytodefend.

Evenifpsilocybininmushroomsbeganas“anaccidentofametabolic

pathway,”thefactthatitwasn’tdiscardedduringthecourseofthe

species’evolutionsuggestsitmusthaveofferedsomebenefit.“Mybest

guess,”Beugsays,“isthatthemushroomsthatproducedthemost

psilocybingotselectivelyeatenandsotheirsporesgotmorewidely

disseminated.”

Eatenbywhom,orwhat?Andwhy?Beugsaysthatmanyanimalsare

knowntoeatpsilocybinmushrooms,includinghorses,cattle,anddogs.

Some,likecows,appearunaffected,butmanyanimalsappeartoenjoyan

occasionalchangeinconsciousnesstoo.Beugisinchargeofgathering

mushroom-poisoningreportsfortheNorthAmericanMycological

Associationandovertheyearshasseenaccountsofhorsestrippingin

theirpaddocksanddogsthat“zeroinonPsilocybesandappeartobe

hallucinating.”Severalprimatespecies(asidefromourown)arealso

knowntoenjoypsychedelicmushrooms.Presumablyanimalswithataste

foralteredstatesofconsciousnesshavehelpedspreadpsilocybinfarand

wide.“Thestrainsofaspeciesthatproducedmoreratherthanless

psilocybinandpsilocinwouldtendtobefavoredandsograduallybecome

morewidespread.”

Eateninsmalldoses,psychedelicmushroomsmightwellincrease

fitnessinanimals,byincreasingsensoryacuityandpossiblyfocusaswell.

A2015reviewarticleintheJournalofEthnopharmacologyreportedthat

severaltribesaroundtheworldfeedpsychoactiveplantstotheirdogsin

ordertoimprovetheirhuntingability.*

Athigherdoses,however,onewouldthinkthatanimalstrippingon

psychedelicmushroomswouldbeatadistinctdisadvantageforsurvival,

andnodoubtmanyofthemare.Butforaselectfew,theeffectsmayoffer

someadaptivevalue,notonlyforthemselves,butalsopossiblyforthe

groupandeventhespecies.

Hereweventureoutontohighlyspeculative,slightlysquishyground,

guidedbyanItalianethnobotanistnamedGiorgioSamorini.Inabook

calledAnimalsandPsychedelics:TheNaturalWorldandtheInstinctto

AlterConsciousness,Samorinihypothesizesthatduringtimesofrapid

environmentalchangeorcrisisitmayavailthesurvivalofagroupwhena

fewofitsmembersabandontheiraccustomedconditionedresponsesand

experimentwithsomeradicallynewanddifferentbehaviors.Muchlike

geneticmutations,mostofthesenoveltieswillprovedisastrousandbe

discardedbynaturalselection.Butthelawsofprobabilitysuggestthata

fewofthenovelbehaviorsmightendupbeinguseful,helpingthe

individual,thegroup,andpossiblythespeciestoadapttorapidchanges

intheirenvironment.

Samorinicallsthisa“depatterningfactor.”Therearetimesinthe

evolutionofaspecieswhentheoldpatternsnolongeravail,andthe

radical,potentiallyinnovativeperceptionsandbehaviorsthat

psychedelicssometimesinspiremayofferthebestchanceforadaptation.

Thinkofitasaneurochemicallyinducedsourceofvariationina

population.

ItisdifficulttoreadaboutSamorini’slovelytheorywithoutthinking

aboutourownspeciesandthechallengingcircumstancesinwhichwe

findourselvestoday.Homosapiensmighthavearrivedatoneofthose

periodsofcrisisthatcallsforsomementalandbehavioraldepatterning.

Couldthatbewhynaturehassentusthesepsychedelicmoleculesnow?

•••

SUCHANOTIONwouldnotstrikePaulStametsastheleastbitfar-fetched.

Aswestoodaroundthefirepit,thewarmlightflickeringacrossourfaces

whileourdinnersizzledinitspan,Stametstalkedaboutwhat

mushroomshavetaughthimaboutnature.Hewasexpansive,eloquent,

grandiose,and,attimes,inacutedangerofslippingthesurlybondsof

plausibility.Wehadhadafewbeers,andwhilewehadn’ttouchedour

tinystashofazzies,wehadsmokedalittlepot.Stametsdilatedonthe

ideaofpsilocybinasachemicalmessengersentfromEarth,andhowwe

hadbeenelected,byvirtueofthegiftofconsciousnessandlanguage,to

hearitscallandactbeforeit’stoolate.

“Plantsandmushroomshaveintelligence,andtheywantustotake

careoftheenvironment,andsotheycommunicatethattousinawaywe

canunderstand.”Whyus?“Wehumansarethemostpopulousbipedal

organismswalkingaround,sosomeplantsandfungiareespecially

interestedinenlistingoursupport.Ithinktheyhaveaconsciousnessand

areconstantlytryingtodirectourevolutionbyspeakingouttous

biochemically.Wejustneedtobebetterlisteners.”

ThesewereriffsI’dheardStametsdeliverincountlesstalksand

interviews.“Mushroomshavetaughtmetheinterconnectednessofall

life-formsandthemolecularmatrixthatweshare,”heexplainsin

anotherone.“InolongerfeelthatIaminthisenvelopeofahumanlife

calledPaulStamets.Iampartofthestreamofmoleculesthatareflowing

throughnature.Iamgivenavoice,givenconsciousnessforatime,butI

feelthatIampartofthiscontinuumofstardustintowhichIambornand

towhichIwillreturnattheendofthislife.”Stametssoundedverymuch

likethevolunteersImetatHopkinswhohadhadfull-blownmystical

experiences,peoplewhosesenseofthemselvesasindividualshadbeen

subsumedintoalargerwhole—aformof“unitiveconsciousness,”which,

inStamets’scase,hadfoldedhimintothewebofnature,asitsnotso

humbleservant.

“IthinkPsilocybeshavegivenmenewinsightsthatmayallowmeto

helpsteerandspeedfungalevolutionsothatwecanfindsolutionstoour

problems.”Especiallyinatimeofecologicalcrisis,hesuggests,wecan’t

affordtowaitforevolution,unfoldingatitsnormalpace,toputforth

thesesolutionsintime.Letthedepatterningbegin.

AsStametsheldforth,andforth,Icouldn’thelpbutpictureinmy

mindAlexGrey’swackedpaintingofthestonedape,withthetornadoes

ofthoughtflyingoutofhishairyhead.SomuchofwhatStametshasto

saytreadsaperilouslynarrowledge,perchedbetweentheautodidact’s

soaringspeculativeflightsandthestonedcrank’slatenightriffingsthat

eventuallysendeveryoneinearshotofftobed.ButjustwhenIwas

beginningtogrowimpatientwithhismeanders,andcouldhearthecallof

mysleepingbagfrominsidetheyurt,he,orI,turnedacorner,andhis

mycologicalpropheciessuddenlyappearedtomeinamoregenerous

light.

Thedaybefore,Stametshadgivenmeatourofthelabsandgrow

roomsatFungiPerfecti,thecompanyhefoundedrightoutofcollege.

Tuckedintotheevergreenforestashortwalkfromhishouse,theFungi

Perfecticomplexconsistsofaseriesoflongwhitemetalbuildingsthat

looklikeQuonsethutsorsmallhangars.Outsidearepilesofwoodchips,

discardedfungi,andgrowingmedia.Someofthebuildingshousethe

growroomswhereheraisesmedicinalandediblespecies;otherscontain

hisresearchfacility,withcleanroomsandlaminarflowchambersin

whichStametsreproducesfungifromtissuecultureandconductshis

experiments.Ontheofficewallshangseveralofhispatents,framed.

Amidthetorrentofwords,whatIobservedinthesebuildingswasa

salutaryreminderthatwhileStametsissurelyabigtalker,heisnotjusta

talker.Heisabigdoertoo,asuccessfulresearcherandentrepreneurwho

isusingfungitomakeoriginalcontributionsacrossaremarkablywide

rangeoffields,frommedicineandenvironmentalrestorationto

agricultureandforestryandevennationaldefense.Stametsisinfacta

scientist,albeitofaspecialkind.

ExactlywhatkindofscientistIdidn’tcompletelyunderstanduntila

fewweekslater,whenIhappenedtoreadawonderfulbiographyof

AlexandervonHumboldt,thegreatearlynineteenth-centuryGerman

scientist(andcolleagueofGoethe’s)whorevolutionizedour

understandingofthenaturalworld.Humboldtbelieveditisonlywithour

feelings,oursenses,andourimaginations—thatis,withthefacultiesof

humansubjectivity—thatwecaneverpenetratenature’ssecrets.“Nature

everywherespeakstomaninavoice”thatis“familiartohissoul.”There

isanorderandbeautyorganizingthesystemofnature—asystemthat

Humboldt,afterbrieflyconsideringthename“Gaia,”chosetocall

“Cosmos”—butitwouldneverhaverevealeditselftousifnotforthe

humanimagination,whichisitselfofcourseaproductofnature,ofthe

verysystemitallowsustocomprehend.Themodernconceitofthe

scientistattemptingtoobservenaturewithperfectobjectivity,asiffroma

vantagelocatedoutsideit,wouldhavebeenanathematoHumboldt.“I

myselfamidenticalwithnature.”

IfStametsisascientist,asIbelieveheis,itisintheHumboldtian

mold,makinghimsomethingofathrowback.Idon’tmeantosuggesthis

contributionisonthesameorderasHumboldt’s.Buthetooisan

amateurinthebestsense,self-taught,uncredentialed,andblitheabout

trespassingdisciplinaryborders.Hetooisanaccomplishednaturalist

andinventor,withseveralnewspeciesandpatentstohiscredit.Hetoo

hearsnature’svoice,anditishisimagination—wildasitoftenis—that

allowshimtoseesystemswhereothershavenot,suchaswhatisgoingon

beneathourfeetinaforest.I’mthinking,forexample,ofthe“earth’s

Internet,”“theneurologicalnetworkofnature,”andthe“forest’simmune

system”—threeRomantic-soundingmetaphorsthatitwouldbefoolishto

betagainst.

WhatstrikesmeaboutbothStametsandmanyoftheso-called

Romanticscientists(likeHumboldtandGoethe,JosephBanks,Erasmus

Darwin,andIwouldincludeThoreau)ishowverymuchmorealive

natureseemsintheirhandsthanitwouldsoonbecomeinthecooler

handsoftheprofessionals.Thesemorespecializedscientists(awordthat

wasn’tcoineduntil1834)graduallymovedscienceindoorsand

increasinglygazedatnaturethroughdevicesthatallowedthemto

observeitatscalesinvisibletothehumaneye.Thesemovessubtly

changedtheobjectofstudy—indeed,madeitmoreofanobject.

Insteadofseeingnatureasacollectionofdiscreteobjects,the

Romanticscientists—andIincludeStametsintheirnumber—sawa

denselytangledwebofsubjects,eachactingontheotherinthegreat

dancethatwouldcometobecalledcoevolution.“Everything,”Humboldt

said,“isinteractionandreciprocal.”Theycouldseethisdanceof

subjectivitiesbecausetheycultivatedtheplant’s-eyeview,theanimal’s-

eyeview,themicrobe’s-eyeview,andthefungus’s-eyeview—perspectives

thatdependasmuchonimaginationasobservation.

Isuspectthatimaginativeleaphasbecomeharderforusmodernsto

make.Ourscienceandtechnologyencourageusinpreciselytheopposite

direction,towardtheobjectificationofnatureandofallspeciesother

thanourown.Surelyweneedtoacknowledgethepracticalpowerofthis

perspective,whichhasgivenussomuch,butweshouldatthesametime

acknowledgeitscosts,materialaswellasspiritual.Yetthatolder,more

enchantedwayofseeingmaystillpaydividends,asitdoes(tocitejust

onesmallexample)whenitallowsPaulStametstofigureoutthatthe

reasonhoneybeesliketovisitwoodpilesistomedicatethemselves,by

nibblingonasaprophyticmyceliumthatproducesjusttheright

antimicrobialcompoundthatthehiveneedstosurvive,agiftthefungus

istradingfor...what?Somethingyettobeimagined.

Coda

YouareprobablywonderingwhateverhappenedtotheazziesStamets

andIfoundthatweekend.Manymonthslater,inthemiddleofasummer

weekspentinthehouseinNewEnglandwhereweusedtolive,aplace

freightedwithmemories,Iatethem,withJudith.Icrumbledtwolittle

mushroomsineachoftwoglassesandpouredhotwateroverthemto

makeatea;StametshadrecommendedthatI“cook”themushroomsto

destroythecompoundsthatcanupsetthestomach.JudithandIeach

drankhalfacup,ingestingboththeliquidandthecrumblesof

mushroom.Isuggestedwetakeawalkonthedirtroadnearourhouse

whilewewaitedforthepsilocybintocomeon.

However,afteronlyabouttwentyminutesorso,Judithreportedshe

was“feelingthings,”noneofthempleasant.Shedidn’twanttobewalking

anymore,shesaid,butnowwewereatleastamilefromhome.Shetold

mehermindandherbodyseemedtobedriftingapartandthenthather

mindhadflownoutofherheadandupintothetrees,likeabirdorinsect.

“Ineedtogethomeandfeelsafe,”shesaid,nowwithsomeurgency.I

triedtoreassureherasweabruptlyturnedaroundandpickedupour

pace.Itwashotandtheairwasthickwithhumidity.Shesaid,“Ireally

don’twanttorunintoanybody.”Iassuredherwewouldn’t.Istillfelt

moreorlessmyself,butitmaybethatJudith’sdistresswaskeepingme

fromfeelingthemushrooms;somebodyhadtobereadytoactnormallyif

aneighborhappenedtodrivebyandrolldownhiswindowforachat,a

prospectthatwasquicklytakingontheproportionsofnightmare.Infact

shortlybeforewegotbacktohomebase—soitnowfelttobothofus—we

spottedaneighbor’spickuptruckbearingdownonusand,likeguilty

children,weduckedintothewoodsuntilitpassed.

Judithmadeabeelineforthecouchinthelivingroom,whereshelay

downwiththeshadesdrawn,whileIwentintothekitchentopolishoff

mycupofmushroomtea,becauseIwasn’tyetfeelingverymuch.Iwasa

littleworriedabouther,butonceshereachedherbaseonthelivingroom

couch,hermoodlightenedandshesaidshewasfine.

Icouldn’tunderstandherdesiretobeindoors.Iwentoutandsaton

thescreenedporchforawhile,listeningtothesoundsinthegarden,

whichsuddenlygrewveryloud,asifthevolumehadbeenturnedwayup.

Theairwasstock-still,butthedesultorysoundsofflyinginsectsandthe

digitalbuzzofhummingbirdsrosetoformacacophonyIhadneverheard

before.Itbegantograteonmynerves,untilIdecidedIwouldbebetter

offregardingthesoundasbeautiful,andthenallatonceitwas.Iliftedan

arm,thenafoot,andnotedwithreliefthatIwasn’tparalyzed,thoughI

alsodidn’tfeellikemovingamuscle.

WheneverIclosedmyeyes,randomimageseruptedasiftheinsidesof

mylidswereascreen.Mynotesrecord:Fractalpatterns,tunnels

plungingthroughfoliage,ropyvinesforminggrids.ButwhenIstarted

tofeelpanicriseatthelackofcontrolIhadovermyvisualfield,I

discoveredthatallIneededtodotorestoreasenseofsemi-normalcywas

toopenmyeyes.Toopenorclosemyeyeswaslikechangingthechannel.

Ithought,“Iamlearninghowtomanagethisexperience.”

Muchhappened,orseemedtohappen,duringthecourseofthat

Augustafternoon,butIwanttofocushereonjustoneelementofthe

experience,becauseitbearsonthequestionsofnatureandourplaceinit

thatpsilocybinseemstoprovoke,atleastforme.IdecidedIwantedto

walkouttomywritinghouse,alittlestructureIhadbuiltmyselftwenty-

fiveyearsago,inwhatisnowanotherlife,andwhichholdsagreatmany

memories.Ihadwrittentwoandahalfbooksinthelittleroom(including

oneaboutbuildingit),sittingbeforeabroadwindowthatlookedback

overapondandthegardentoourhouse.

However,IwasstillvaguelyworriedaboutJudith,sobefore

wanderingtoofarfromthehouse,Iwentinsidetocheckonher.Shewas

stretchedoutonthecouch,withacooldampclothoverhereyes.Shewas

fine.“I’mhavingtheseveryinterestingvisuals,”shesaid,something

havingtodowiththestainsonthecoffeetablecomingtolife,swirling

andtransformingandrisingfromthesurfaceinwaysshefound

compelling.Shemadeitclearshewantedtobeleftalonetosinkmore

deeplyintotheimages—sheisapainter.Thephrase“parallelplay”

poppedintomymind,andsoitwouldbefortherestoftheafternoon.

Isteppedoutside,feelingunsteadyonmyfeet,legsalittlerubbery.

Thegardenwasthrummingwithactivity,dragonfliestracingcomplicated

patternsintheair,theseedheadsofplumepoppiesrattlinglikesnakesas

Ibrushedby,thephloxperfumingtheairwithitssweet,heavyscent,and

theairitselfsopalpablydenseithadtobeforded.Thewordandsenseof

“poignance”floodedovermeduringthewalkthroughthegarden,andit

wouldreturnlater.Maybebecausewenolongerlivehere,andthis

garden,wherewespentsomanysummersasacoupleandthenafamily,

andwhichatthismomentseemedsoacutelypresent,wasinfactnow

partofanirretrievablepast.Itwasasifapreciousmemoryhadnotjust

beenrecalledbuthadactuallycomebacktolife,inareincarnationboth

beautifulandcruel.Alsoheartrendingwasthefleetingnessofthis

momentintime,theripenessofaNewEnglandgardeninlateAuguston

thevergeofturningthecorneroftheseason.Beforedawnonecloudless

nightverysoonandwithoutwarning,thethrumandbloomandperfume

wouldendallatonce,withthearrivalofthekillingfrost.Ifeltwideopen

emotionally,undefended.

WhenatlastIarrivedatthewritinghouse,Istretchedoutonthe

daybed,somethingIhardlyevertookthetimetodoinalltheyearswhen

Iwasworkingheresoindustriously.Thebookshelveshadbeenemptied,

andtheplacefeltabandoned,alittlesad.FromwhereIlay,Icouldsee

overmytoestothewindowscreenand,pastthat,tothegridofanarbor

thatwasnowdenselywovenwiththetwiningvinesofwhathadbecomea

venerableoldclimbinghydrangea,apetiolaris.Ihadplantedthe

hydrangeadecadesago,inhopesofcreatingjustthissortofintricately

tangledprospect.Backlitbythelateafternoonsunlightstreamingin,its

neatroundleavescompletelyfilledthewindow,whichmeantyougazed

outattheworldthroughthefreshgreenscrimtheyformed.Itseemedto

methesewerethemostbeautifulleavesIhadeverseen.Itwasasifthey

wereemittingtheirownsoftgreenglow.Anditfeltlikeakindofprivilege

togazeoutattheworldthroughtheireyes,asitwere,astheleavesdrank

upthelastdraughtsofsunlight,transformingthosephotonsintonew

matter.Aplant’s-eyeviewoftheworld—itwasthat,andforreal!Butthe

leaveswerealsolookingbackatme,fixingmewiththisutterlybenign

gaze.IcouldfeeltheircuriosityandwhatIwascertainwasanattitudeof

utterbenevolencetowardmeandmykind.(DoIneedtosaythatIknow

howcrazythissounds?Ido!)

IfeltasthoughIwerecommuningdirectlywithaplantforthefirst

timeandthatcertainideasIhadlongthoughtaboutandwrittenabout—

havingtodowiththesubjectivityofotherspeciesandthewaytheyact

uponusinwayswe’retooself-regardingtoappreciate—hadtakenonthe

fleshoffeelingandreality.Ilookedthroughthenegativespacesformed

bythehydrangealeavestofixmygazeontheswampmapleinthemiddle

ofthemeadowbeyond,andittoowasnowmorealivethanI’dever

knownatreetobe,infusedwithsomekindofspirit—thisone,too,

benevolent.Theideathattherehadeverbeenadisagreementbetween

matterandspiritseemedrisible,andIfeltasthoughwhateveritisthat

usuallydividesmefromtheworldouttherehadbeguntofallaway.Not

completely:thebattlementsofegohadnotfallen;thiswasnotwhatthe

researcherswoulddeema“complete”mysticalexperience,becauseI

retainedthesenseofanobservingI.Butthedoorsandwindowsof

perceptionhadopenedwide,andtheywereadmittingmoreoftheworld

anditsmyriadnonhumanpersonalitiesthaneverbefore.

Buoyedbythisdevelopment,Isatupnowandlookedoutovermy

desk,throughthebigwindowthatfacedbacktothehouse.WhenIsited

thebuilding,Icarefullyframedthemainviewbetweentwoveryoldand

venerabletrees,astolidlyverticalashontherightandanelegantly

angledandintricatelybranchedwhiteoakontheleft.Theashhasseen

betterdays;stormshaveshornseveralimportantlimbsfromit,wrecking

itssymmetryandleavingsomeraggedstumps.Theoakwassomewhat

healthier,infullleafnowwithitsupturnedlimbsreachingintothesky

likethelimbsofadancer.Butthemaintrunk,whichhadalwaysleaned

precariouslytooneside,nowconcernedme:asectionofithadrottedout

atgroundlevel,andforthefirsttimeitwaspossibletolookclearthrough

itandseedaylight.Howwasitpossiblystillstanding?

AsIgazedatthetwotreesIhadgazedatsomanytimesbeforefrom

mydesk,itsuddenlydawnedonmethatthesetreeswere—obviously!—

myparents:thestolidashmyfather,theelegantoakmymother.Idon’t

knowexactlywhatImeanbythat,exceptthatthinkingaboutthosetrees

becameidenticaltothinkingaboutmyparents.Theywerecompletely,

indelibly,presentinthosetrees.AndsoIthoughtaboutalltheyhadgiven

me,andaboutallthattimehaddonetothem,andwhatwasgoingto

becomeofthisprospect,thisplace(thisme!),whentheyfinallyfell,as

eventuallytheywould.Thatparentsdieisnotexactlythestuffof

epiphany,buttheprospect,nolongerdistantorabstract,piercedme

moredeeplythaniteverhad,andIwasdisarmedyetagainbythe

pervasivesenseofpoignancythattrailedmeallthatafternoon.YetImust

havestillhadsomewitsaboutme,becauseImadeanotetocallthe

arboristtomorrow;maybesomethingcouldbedonetoreducetheweight

ontheleaningsideoftheoak,inordertopreventitfromfalling,ifonly

forawhilelonger.

Mywalkbacktothehousewas,Ithink,thepeakoftheexperienceand

comesbacktomenowinthecolorsandtonesofadream.Therewas,

again,thesenseofpushingmybodythroughamassofairthathadbeen

sweetenedbyphloxandwasteeming,almostfrenetic,withactivity.The

dragonflies,bigasbirds,werenowoutinforce,touchingdownjustlong

enoughtokissthephloxblossomsandthenliftoff,beforemadly

crisscrossingthegardenpath.TheseweremoredragonfliesthanIhad

everseeninoneplace,somanyinfactthatIwasn’tcompletelysureif

theywerereal.(JudithlaterconfirmedthesightingwhenIgotherto

comeoutside.)Andastheyexecutedtheirflightpatterns,theyleftbehind

themcontrailsthatpersistedintheair,orsoatleastitappeared.Dusk

nowapproaching,theairtrafficinthegardenhadbuilttoariotous

crescendo:thepollinatorsmakingtheirlastroundsoftheday,theplants

stillsignifyingtothemwiththeirflowers:me,me,me!InonewayIknew

thisscenewell—thegardencomingbrieflybacktolifeaftertheheatofa

summerdayhasrelented—butneverhadIfeltsointegraltoit.Iwasno

longerthealienatedhumanobserver,gazingatthegardenfroma

distance,whetherliteralorfigural,butratherfeltpartandparcelofall

thatwastranspiringhere.Sotheflowerswereaddressingmeasmuchas

thepollinators,andperhapsbecausetheveryairthatafternoonwassuch

afeltpresence,one’susualsenseofoneselfasasubjectobservingobjects

inspace—objectsthathavebeenthrownintoreliefandrendereddiscrete

bytheapparentvoidthatsurroundsthem—gavewaytoasenseofbeing

deepinsideandfullyimplicatedinthisscene,onemorebeinginrelation

tothemyriadotherbeingsandtothewhole.

“Everythingisinteractionandreciprocal,”wroteHumboldt,andthat

feltverymuchthecase,andso,forthefirsttimeIcanremember,did

this:“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature.”

•••

IHONESTLYDON’TKNOWwhattomakeofthisexperience.Inacertainlight

atcertainmoments,IfeelasthoughIhadhadsomekindofspiritual

experience.IhadfeltthepersonhoodofotherbeingsinawayIhadn’t

before;whateveritisthatkeepsusfromfeelingourfullimplicationin

naturehadbeentemporarilyinabeyance.Therehadalsobeen,Ifelt,an

openingoftheheart,towardmyparents,yes,andtowardJudith,but

also,weirdly,towardsomeoftheplantsandtreesandbirdsandeventhe

damnbugsonourproperty.Someofthisopennesshaspersisted.Ithink

backonitnowasanexperienceofwonderandimmanence.

ThefactthatthistransformationofmyfamiliarworldintosomethingI

canonlydescribeasnuminouswasoccasionedbytheeatingofalittle

brownmushroomthatStametsandIhadfoundgrowingontheedgeofa

parkinglotinastateparkonthePacificcoast—well,thatfactcanbe

viewedinoneoftwoways:eitherasanadditionalwonderorassupport

foramoreprosaicandmaterialistinterpretationofwhathappenedtome

thatAugustafternoon.Accordingtooneinterpretation,Ihadhad“adrug

experience,”plainandsimple.Itwasakindofwakingdream,interesting

andpleasurablebutsignifyingnothing.Thepsilocininthatmushroom

unlockedthe5-hydroxytryptamine2-Areceptorsinmybrain,causing

themtofirewildlyandsetoffacascadeofdisorderedmentaleventsthat,

amongotherthings,permittedsomethoughtsandfeelings,presumably

frommysubconscious(and,perhaps,myreadingtoo),togetcross-wired

withmyvisualcortexasitwasprocessingimagesofthetreesandplants

andinsectsinmyfieldofvision.

Notquiteahallucination,“projection”isprobablythepsychological

termforthisphenomenon:whenwemixouremotionswithcertain

objectsthatthenreflectthosefeelingsbacktoussothattheyappearto

glistenwithmeaning.T.S.Eliotcalledthesethingsandsituationsthe

“objectivecorrelatives”ofhumanemotion.Emersonhadasimilar

phenomenoninmindwhenhesaidthat“Naturealwayswearsthecolors

ofthespirit,”suggestingitisourmindsthatdressherinsuch

significance.

I’mstruckbythefacttherewasnothingsupernaturalaboutmy

heightenedperceptionsthatafternoon,nothingthatIneededanideaof

magicoradivinitytoexplain.No,allittookwasanotherperceptualslant

onthesameoldreality,alensormodeofconsciousnessthatinvented

nothingbutmerely(merely!)italicizedtheproseofordinaryexperience,

disclosingthewonderthatisalwaysthereinagardenorwood,hiddenin

plainsight—anotherformofconsciousness“partedfrom[us],”asWilliam

Jamesputit,“bythefilmiestofscreens.”Naturedoesinfactteemwith

subjectivities—callthemspiritsifyoulike—otherthanourown;itisonly

thehumanego,withitsimaginedmonopolyonsubjectivity,thatkeepsus

fromrecognizingthemall,ourkithandkin.Inthissense,IguessPaul

Stametsisrighttothinkthemushroomsarebringingusmessagesfrom

nature,oratleasthelpingustoopenupandreadthem.

Beforethisafternoon,Ihadalwaysassumedaccesstoaspiritual

dimensionhingedonone’sacceptanceofthesupernatural—ofGod,ofa

Beyond—butnowI’mnotsosure.TheBeyond,whateveritconsistsof,

mightnotbenearlyasfarawayorinaccessibleaswethink.Huston

Smith,thescholarofreligion,oncedescribedaspiritually“realized

being”assimplyapersonwith“anacutesenseoftheastonishingmystery

ofeverything.”Faithneednotfigure.Maybetobeinagardenandfeel

awe,orwonder,inthepresenceofanastonishingmystery,isnothing

morethanarecoveryofamisplacedperspective,perhapsthechild’s-eye

view;maybeweregainitbymeansofaneurochemicalchangethat

disablesthefilters(ofconvention,ofego)thatpreventusinordinary

hoursfromseeingwhatis,likethoselovelyleaves,staringusintheface.I

don’tknow.Butifthosedried-uplittlescrapsoffungustaughtme

anything,itisthatthereareother,strangerformsofconsciousness

availabletous,and,whatevertheymean,theirveryexistence,toquote

WilliamJamesagain,“forbid[s]aprematureclosingofouraccountswith

reality.”

Open-minded.Andbemushroomed.Thatwasme,now,readyto

reopenmyownaccountswithreality.

CHAPTERTHREE

HISTORY

TheFirstWave

WHENTHEFEDERALAUTHORITIESCAMEdownhardonTimothyLearyinthe

mid-1960s,hittinghimwithathirty-yearsentenceforattemptingto

bringasmallamountofmarijuanaovertheborderatLaredo,Texas,in

1966,*theembattledformerpsychologyprofessorturnedtoMarshall

McLuhanforsomeadvice.Thecountrywasinthethroesofamoralpanic

aboutLSD,inspiredinnosmallpartbyLeary’sownpromotionof

psychedelicdrugsasameansofpersonalandculturaltransformationand

byhisrecommendationtoAmerica’syouththatthey“turnon,tunein,

dropout.”Datedandgoofyasthosewordssoundtoourears,therewasa

momentwhentheyweretreatedasacrediblethreattothesocialorder,

aninvitationtoAmerica’schildrennotonlytotakemind-alteringdrugs

buttorejectthepathlaidoutforthembytheirparentsandtheir

government—includingthepathtakingyoungmentoVietnam.Alsoin

1966,LearywascalledbeforeacommitteeoftheU.S.Senatetodefend

hisnotoriousslogan,whichhegamelyifnotverypersuasivelyattempted

todo.Inthemidstofthenationalstormragingaroundhim—astorm,it

shouldbesaid,hequiteenjoyed—LearymetwithMarshallMcLuhanover

lunchatthePlazahotelinNewYork,theLSDgurubettingthatthemedia

gurumighthavesometipsonhowbesttohandlethepublicandthe

press.

“DrearySenatehearingandcourtroomsarenottheplatformsforyour

message,Tim,”McLuhanadvised,inaconversationthatLearyrecounts

inFlashbacks,oneofhismanyautobiographies.(Learywouldwrite

anotheroneeverytimelegalfeesandalimonypaymentsthreatenedto

emptyhisbankaccount.)“Todispelfearyoumustuseyourpublicimage.

Youarethebasicproductendorser.”Theproductbythispointwasof

courseLSD.“Wheneveryouarephotographed,smile.Wavereassuringly.

Radiatecourage.Nevercomplainorappearangry.It’sokayifyoucome

offasflamboyantandeccentric.You’reaprofessorafterall.Buta

confidentattitudeisthebestadvertisement.Youmustbeknownforyour

smile.”

LearytookMcLuhan’sadvicetoheart.Invirtuallyallofthemany

thousandsofphotographstakenofhimfromthatlunchdateforward,

Learymadesuretopresentthegiftofhismostwinninggrintothe

camera.Itdidn’tmatterifhewascomingintooroutofacourthouse,

addressingathrongofyouthfuladmirersinhislovebeadsandwhite

robes,beingjostledintoasquadcarfreshlyhandcuffed,orperchedon

theedgeofJohnandYoko’sbedinaMontrealhotelroom,TimothyLeary

alwaysmanagedtosummonabrightsmileandacheerfulwaveforthe

camera.

So,eversmiling,thecharismaticfigureofTimothyLearyloomslarge

overthehistoryofpsychedelicsinAmerica.Yetitdoesn’ttakemany

hoursinthelibrarybeforeyoubegintowonderifmaybeTimothyLeary

loomsalittletoolargeinthathistory,oratleastinourpopular

understandingofit.IwashardlyaloneinassumingthattheHarvard

PsilocybinProject—launchedbyLearyinthefallof1960,immediately

afterhisfirstlife-changingexperiencewithpsilocybininMexico—

representedthebeginningofseriousacademicresearchintothese

substancesorthatLeary’sdismissalfromHarvardin1963markedthe

endofthatresearch.Butinfactneitherpropositionisevenremotelytrue.

Learyplayedanimportantroleinthemodernhistoryofpsychedelics,

butit’snotatallthepioneeringrolehewroteforhimself.Hissuccessin

shapingthepopularnarrativeofpsychedelicsinthe1960sobscuresas

muchasitreveals,creatingakindofrealitydistortionfieldthatmakesit

difficulttoseeeverythingthatcameeitherbeforeorafterhisbigmoment

onstage.

Inatruertellingofthehistory,theHarvardPsilocybinProjectwould

appearmorelikethebeginningoftheendofwhathadbeenaremarkably

fertileandpromisingperiodofresearchthatunfoldedduringthe

previousdecadefarfromCambridge,inplacesasfarflungas

Saskatchewan,Vancouver,California,andEngland,and,everywhere,

withalotlesssoundandfuryorcounterculturalbaggage.Thelarger-

than-lifefigureofLearyhasalsoobscuredfromviewtheroleofa

dedicatedbutlittle-knowngroupofscientists,therapists,andpassionate

amateurswho,longbeforeLearyhadevertriedpsilocybinorLSD,

developedthetheoreticalframeworktomakesenseoftheseunusual

chemicalsanddevisedthetherapeuticprotocolstoputthemtouse

healingpeople.Manyoftheseresearcherseventuallywatchedindismay

asLeary(andhis“antics,”astheyinevitablyreferredtohisvariousstunts

andpronouncements)ignitedwhatwouldbecomeapublicbonfireofall

theirhard-wonknowledgeandexperience.

Intellingthemodernhistoryofpsychedelics,Iwanttoputasidethe

Learysaga,atleastuntilthecrack-upwhereitproperlybelongs,toseeif

wecan’trecoversomeofthatknowledgeandtheexperiencethat

produceditwithoutpassingitthroughthelight-bendingprismofthe

“PsychedelicSixties.”Indoingso,I’mfollowinginthestepsofseveralof

thecurrentgenerationofpsychedelicresearchers,who,beginninginthe

late1990s,setouttoexcavatetheintellectualruinsofthisfirstflowering

ofresearchintoLSDandpsilocybinandwereastoundedbywhatthey

found.

StephenRossisonesuchresearcher.Apsychiatristspecializingin

addictionatBellevue,hedirectedanNYUtrialusingpsilocybintotreat

theexistentialdistressofcancerpatients,towhichIwillreturnlater;

sincethen,hehasturnedtothetreatmentofalcoholicswithpsychedelics,

whathadbeenperhapsthesinglemostpromisingareaofclinical

researchinthe1950s.WhenseveralyearsagoanNYUcolleague

mentionedtoRossthatLSDhadoncebeenusedtotreatthousandsof

alcoholicsinCanadaandtheUnitedStates(andthatBillWilson,the

founderofAlcoholicsAnonymous,hadsoughttointroduceLSDtherapy

intoAAinthe1950s),Ross,whowasinhisthirtiesatthetime,didsome

researchandwas“flabbergasted”byallthathe—asanexpertonthe

treatmentofalcoholism—didnotknowandhadn’tbeentold.Hisown

fieldhadasecrethistory.

“Ifeltalittlelikeanarchaeologist,unearthingacompletelyburied

bodyofknowledge.Beginningintheearlyfifties,psychedelicshadbeen

usedtotreatawholehostofconditions,”includingaddiction,depression,

obsessive-compulsivedisorder,schizophrenia,autism,andend-of-life

anxiety.“Therehadbeenfortythousandresearchparticipantsandmore

thanathousandclinicalpapers!TheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation

hadwholemeetingscenteredaroundLSD,thisnewwonderdrug.”In

fact,thereweresixinternationalscientificmeetingsdevotedto

psychedelicsbetween1950and1965.“Someofthebestmindsin

psychiatryhadseriouslystudiedthesecompoundsintherapeuticmodels,

withgovernmentfunding.”Butafterthecultureandthepsychiatric

establishmentturnedagainstpsychedelicsinthemid-1960s,anentire

bodyofknowledgewaseffectivelyerasedfromthefield,asifallthat

researchandclinicalexperiencehadneverhappened.“BythetimeIgot

tomedicalschoolinthe1990s,nooneeventalkedaboutit.”

•••

WHENLSDBURSTontothepsychiatricscenein1950,thedrug’seffectson

patients(andresearchers,whoroutinelytriedthedrugonthemselves)

weresonovelandstrangethatscientistsstruggledforthebetterpartofa

decadetofigureoutwhattheseextraordinaryexperienceswereormeant.

How,exactly,didthisnewmind-alteringdrugfitintotheexisting

paradigmsforunderstandingthemindandtheprevailingmodesof

psychiatryandpsychotherapy?Alivelydebateoverthesequestionswent

onformorethanadecade.Whatwasn’tknownatthetimeisthat

beginningin1953,theCIAwasconductingitsown(classified)research

intopsychedelicsandwasstrugglingwithsimilarissuesofinterpretation

andapplication:WasLSDbestregardedasapotentialtruthserum,ora

mind-controlagent,orachemicalweapon?

Theworld’sveryfirstLSDtrip,andtheonlyoneundertakenwithno

priorexpectations,wastheoneAlbertHofmanntookin1943.Whileit

lefthimuncertainwhetherhehadexperiencedmadnessor

transcendence,Hofmannimmediatelysensedthepotentialimportanceof

thiscompoundforneurologyandpsychiatry.SoSandoz,the

pharmaceuticalcompanyforwhichheworkedatthetimeofhis

discovery,didsomethingunusual:ineffect,itcrowd-sourcedaworldwide

researchefforttofigureoutwhatintheworldDelysid—itsbrandname

forLSD-25—mightbegoodfor.Hopingsomeonesomewherewouldhit

uponacommercialapplicationforitsspookilypowerfulnewcompound,

Sandozofferedtosupply,freeofcharge,howevermuchLSDany

researcherrequested.Thecompanydefinedtheterm“researcher”

liberallyenoughtoincludeanytherapistwhopromisedtowriteuphisor

herclinicalobservations.Thispolicyremainedmoreorlessunchanged

from1949to1966andwasinlargepartresponsibleforsettingoffthe

firstwaveofpsychedelicresearch—theonethatcrashedin1966,when

Sandoz,alarmedatthecontroversythathaderuptedaroundits

experimentaldrug,abruptlywithdrewDelysidfromcirculation.

Sowhatwaslearnedduringthatfertileandfreewheelingperiodof

investigation?Astraightforwardquestion,andyettheansweris

complicatedbytheverynatureofthesedrugs,whichisanythingbut

straightforward.Astheliterarytheoristswouldsay,thepsychedelic

experienceishighly“constructed.”Ifyouaretoldyouwillhaveaspiritual

experience,chancesareprettygoodthatyouwill,and,likewise,ifyouare

toldthedrugmaydriveyoutemporarilyinsane,oracquaintyouwiththe

collectiveunconscious,orhelpyouaccess“cosmicconsciousness,”or

revisitthetraumaofyourbirth,youstandagoodchanceofhaving

exactlythatkindofexperience.

Psychologistscalltheseself-fulfillingprophecies“expectancyeffects,”

andtheyturnouttobeespeciallypowerfulinthecaseofpsychedelics.So,

forexample,ifyouhaveeverreadAldousHuxley’sDoorsofPerception,

whichwaspublishedin1954,yourownpsychedelicexperiencehas

probablybeeninfluencedbytheauthor’smysticismand,specifically,the

mysticismoftheEasttowhichHuxleywasinclined.Indeed,evenifyou

haveneverreadHuxley,hisconstructionoftheexperiencehasprobably

influencedyourown,forthatEasternflavoring—thinkoftheBeatlessong

“TomorrowNeverKnows”—wouldcometocharacterizetheLSD

experiencefrom1954on.(Learywouldpickupthispsychedelic

orientalismfromHuxleyandthengreatlyamplifyitwhenheandhis

Harvardcolleagueswroteabestsellingmanualforpsychedelicexperience

basedontheTibetanBookoftheDead.)Furthercomplicatingthestory

andaddinganotherfeedbackloop,Huxleywasinspiredtotry

psychedelicsandwriteabouttheexperiencebyascientistwhogavehim

mescalineintheexplicithopethatagreatwriter’sdescriptionsand

metaphorswouldhelphimandhiscolleaguesmakesenseofan

experiencetheywerestrugglingtointerpret.SodidAldousHuxley“make

sense”ofthemodernpsychedelicexperience,ordidheinsomesense

inventit?

Thishallofepistemologicalmirrorswasjustoneofthemany

challengesfacingtheresearcherswhowantedtobringLSDintothefield

ofpsychiatryandpsychotherapy:psychedelictherapycouldlookmore

likeshamanismorfaithhealingthanmedicine.Anotherchallengewas

theirrationalexuberancethatseemedtoinfectanyresearcherswhogot

involvedwithLSD,anenthusiasmthatmighthaveimprovedtheresults

oftheirexperimentsatthesametimeitfueledtheskepticismof

colleagueswhoremainedpsychedelicvirgins.Yetathirdchallengewas

howtofitpsychedelicsintotheexistingstructuresofscienceand

psychiatry,ifindeedthatwaspossible.Howdoyoudoacontrolled

experimentwithapsychedelic?Howdoyoueffectivelyblindyour

patientsandcliniciansorcontrolforthepowerfulexpectancyeffect?

When“set”and“setting”playsuchabigroleinthepatient’sexperience,

howcanyouhopetoisolateasinglevariableordesignatherapeutic

application?

PartI:ThePromise

Thedrugsweren’tcalled“psychedelics”atthebeginning;thatterm

wasn’tintroduceduntil1957.InthesamewaythatSandozcouldn’tfigure

outwhatithadonitshandswithLSD,theresearchersexperimenting

withthedrugcouldn’tfigureoutwhattocallit.Overthecourseofthe

1950s,thisclassofdrugsunderwentasuccessionofnamechangesasour

understandingofthechemicalsandtheiractionevolved,eachnewname

reflectingtheshiftinginterpretation—orwasitaconstruction?—ofwhat

thesestrangeandpowerfulmoleculesmeantanddid.

Thefirstnamewasperhapsthemostawkward:beginningaround

1950,shortlyafterLSDwasmadeavailabletoresearchers,thecompound

wasknownasapsychotomimetic,whichistosay,aminddrugthat

mimickedpsychoses.Thiswasthemostobviousandparsimonious

interpretationofapsychedelic’seffects.Viewedfromtheoutside,people

givendosesofLSDand,later,psilocybinexhibitedmanyofthesignsofa

temporarypsychosis.Earlyresearchersreportedarangeofdisturbing

symptomsintheirLSDvolunteers,includingdepersonalization,lossof

egoboundaries,distortedbodyimage,synesthesia(seeingsoundsor

hearingsights),emotionallability,gigglingandweeping,distortionofthe

senseoftime,delirium,hallucinations,paranoiddelusions,and,inthe

wordsofonewriter,“atantalizingsenseofportentousness.”When

researchersadministeredstandardizedpsychiatricteststovolunteerson

LSD—suchastheRorschachinkblotsortheMinnesotaMultiphasic

PersonalityInventorytest—theresultsmirroredthoseofpsychoticsand,

specifically,schizophrenics.VolunteersonLSDappearedtobelosing

theirminds.

ThissuggestedtosomeresearchersthatLSDheldpromiseasatoolfor

understandingpsychosis,whichispreciselyhowSandozinitially

marketedDelysid.Althoughthedrugmightnotcureanything,the

resemblanceofitseffectstothesymptomsofschizophreniasuggested

thatthementaldisordermighthaveachemicalbasisthatLSDcould

somehowilluminate.Forclinicians,thedrugpromisedtohelpthem

betterunderstandandempathizewiththeirschizophrenicpatients.That

ofcoursemeanttakingthedrugthemselves,whichseemsodd,even

scandalous,toustoday.Butintheyearsbefore1962,whenCongress

passedalawgivingtheFDAauthoritytoregulatenew“investigational”

drugs,thiswasinfactcommonpractice.Indeed,itwasconsideredthe

ethicalthingtodo,fortonottakethedrugyourselfwastantamountto

treatingyourpatientsasguineapigs.HumphryOsmondwrotethatthe

extraordinarypromiseofLSDwastoallowthetherapistwhotookitto

“entertheillnessandseewithamadman’seyes,hearwithhisears,and

feelwithhisskin.”

BorninSurrey,England,in1917,Osmondisalittle-knownbutpivotal

figureinthehistoryofpsychedelicresearch,*probablycontributingmore

toourunderstandingofthesecompoundsandtheirtherapeuticpotential

thananyothersingleresearcher.IntheyearsfollowingWorldWarII,

Osmond,atallreedofamanwithraucousteeth,waspracticing

psychiatryatSt.George’sHospitalinLondonwhenacolleaguenamed

JohnSmythiesintroducedhimtoanobscurebodyofmedicalliterature

aboutmescaline.Afterlearningthatmescalineinducedhallucinations

muchlikethosereportedbyschizophrenics,thetworesearchersbeganto

exploretheideathatthediseasewascausedbyachemicalimbalancein

thebrain.Atatimewhentheroleofbrainchemistryinmentalillnesshad

notyetbeenestablished,thiswasaradicalhypothesis.Thetwo

psychiatristshadobservedthatthemolecularstructureofmescaline

closelyresembledthatofadrenaline.Couldschizophreniaresultfrom

somekindofdysfunctioninthemetabolismofadrenaline,transforming

itintoacompoundthatproducedtheschizophrenicrupturewithreality?

No,asitwouldturnout.Butitwasaproductivehypothesisevenso,

andOsmond’sresearchintothebiochemicalbasisofmentalillness

contributedtotheriseofneurochemistryinthe1950s.LSDresearch

wouldeventuallygiveanimportantboosttothenascentfield.Thefact

thatsuchavanishinglysmallnumberofLSDmoleculescouldexertsuch

aprofoundeffectonthemindwasanimportantcluethatasystemof

neurotransmitterswithdedicatedreceptorsmightplayarolein

organizingourmentalexperience.Thisinsighteventuallyledtothe

discoveryofserotoninandtheclassofantidepressantsknownasSSRIs.

ButthepowersthatbeatSt.George’sHospitalwereunsupportiveof

Osmond’sresearchonmescaline.Infrustration,theyoungdoctorwent

lookingforamorehospitableinstitutioninwhichtoconductit.Thishe

foundinthewesternCanadianprovinceofSaskatchewan,ofallplaces.

Beginninginthemid-1940s,theprovince’sleftistgovernmenthad

institutedseveralradicalreformsinpublicpolicy,includingthenation’s

firstsystemofpubliclyfundedhealthcare.(Itbecamethemodelforthe

systemCanadawouldadoptin1966.)Hopingtomaketheprovincea

centerofcutting-edgemedicalresearch,thegovernmentofferedgenerous

fundingandararedegreeoffreedomtolureresearcherstothefrozen

wastesoftheCanadianprairies.AfterreplyingtoanadintheLancet,

Osmondreceivedaninvitationfromtheprovincialgovernmenttomove

hisfamilyandhisnovelresearchprojecttotheremoteagrarian

communityofWeyburn,Saskatchewan,forty-fivemilesnorthofthe

NorthDakotaborder.TheSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinWeyburn

wouldsoonbecometheworld’smostimportanthubofresearchinto

psychedelics—orrather,intotheclassofcompoundsstillknownas

psychotomimetics.

ThatparadigmstillruledthethinkingofOsmondandhisnew,like-

mindedcolleagueandresearchdirector,aCanadianpsychiatristnamed

AbramHoffer,astheybeganconductingexperimentsusingasupplyof

LSD-25obtainedfromSandoz.Thepsychotomimeticmodelwas

introducedtothegeneralpublicin1953,whenMaclean’s,thepopular

Canadianmagazine,publishedaharrowingaccountofajournalist’s

experienceonLSDtitled“My12HoursasaMadman.”

SidneyKatzhadbecomethefirst“civilian”toparticipateinoneof

OsmondandHoffer’sLSDexperimentsatWeyburnhospital.Katzhad

beenledtoexpectmadness,andmadnesshedulyexperienced:“Isaw

facesoffamiliarfriendsturnintofleshlessskullsandtheheadsof

menacingwitches,pigsandweasels.Thegailypatternedcarpetatmyfeet

wastransformedintoafabulousheavingmassoflivingmatter,part

vegetable,partanimal.”Katz’sarticle,whichwasillustratedwithan

artist’srenderingofchairsflyingthroughacollapsingroom,readslike

theworkofaferventanti-LSDpropagandistcirca1965:“Iwasrepeatedly

heldinthegripofaterrifyinghallucinationinwhichIcouldfeelandsee

mybodyconvulseandshrinkuntilallthatremainedwasahardsickly

stone.”Yet,curiously,histwelvehoursofinsanity“werenotallfilledwith

horror,”hereported.“AttimesIbeheldvisionsofdazzlingbeauty—

visionssorapturous,sounearthly,thatnoartistwilleverpaintthem.”

Duringthisperiod,OsmondandHofferadministeredSandozLSDto

dozensofpeople,includingcolleagues,friends,familymembers,

volunteers,and,ofcourse,themselves.TheirfocusonLSDasawindow

intothebiochemistryofmentalillnessgraduallygavewaytoadeepening

curiosityaboutthepoweroftheexperienceitselfandwhetherthe

perceptualdisturbancesproducedbythedrugmightthemselvesconfer

sometherapeuticbenefit.Duringalatenightbrainstormingsessioninan

Ottawahotelroomin1953,OsmondandHoffernotedthattheLSD

experienceappearedtosharemanyfeatureswiththedescriptionsof

deliriumtremensreportedbyalcoholics—thehellish,days-longboutof

madnessalcoholicsoftensufferwhileinthethroesofwithdrawal.Many

recoveringalcoholicslookbackonthehallucinatoryhorrorsoftheDTsas

aconversionexperienceandthebasisofthespiritualawakeningthat

allowsthemtoremainsober.

TheideathatanLSDexperiencecouldmimictheDTs“seemedso

bizarrethatwelaugheduproariously,”Hofferrecalledyearslater.“But

whenourlaughtersubsided,thequestionseemedlesscomicalandwe

formedourhypothesis...:wouldacontrolledLSD-produceddelirium

helpalcoholicsstaysober?”

Herewasanarrestingapplicationofthepsychotomimeticparadigm:

useasinglehigh-doseLSDsessiontoinduceanepisodeofmadnessinan

alcoholicthatwouldsimulatedeliriumtremens,shockingthepatientinto

sobriety.Overthenextdecade,OsmondandHoffertestedthishypothesis

onmorethansevenhundredalcoholics,andinroughlyhalfthecases,

theyreported,thetreatmentworked:thevolunteersgotsoberand

remainedsoforatleastseveralmonths.Notonlywasthenewapproach

moreeffectivethanothertherapies,butitsuggestedawholenewwayto

thinkaboutpsychopharmacology.“Fromthefirst,”Hofferwrote,“we

considerednotthechemical,buttheexperienceasakeyfactorin

therapy.”Thisnovelideawouldbecomeacentraltenetofpsychedelic

therapy.

Theemphasisonwhatsubjectsfeltrepresentedamajorbreakwiththe

prevailingideasofbehaviorisminpsychology,inwhichonlyobservable

andmeasurableoutcomescountedandsubjectiveexperiencewasdeemed

irrelevant.Theanalysisofthesesubjectiveexperiences,sometimescalled

phenomenology,hadofcoursebeenthebasisofFreudianpsychoanalysis,

whichbehaviorismhadrejectedasinsufficientlyrigorousorscientific.

Therewasnopointintryingtogetinsidethemind;itwas,inB.F.

Skinner’sfamousphrase,“ablackbox.”Instead,youmeasuredwhatyou

couldmeasure,whichwasoutwardbehavior.Theworkwithpsychedelics

wouldeventuallysparkarevivalofinterestinthesubjectivedimensions

ofthemind—inconsciousness.Howironicthatittook,ofallthings,a

chemical—LSD-25—tobringinterioritybackintopsychology.

Andyet,successfulasthenewtherapyseemedtobe,therewasa

nagginglittleproblemwiththetheoreticalmodelonwhichitwasbased.

Whenthetherapistsbegantoanalyzethereportsofvolunteers,their

subjectiveexperienceswhileonLSDborelittleifanyresemblancetothe

horrorsoftheDTs,ortomadnessofanykind.Tothecontrary,their

experienceswere,forthemostpart,incredibly—andbafflingly—positive.

WhenOsmondandHofferbegantocatalogtheirvolunteers’session

reports,“psychoticchanges”—hallucinations,paranoia,anxiety—

sometimesoccurred,buttherewerealsodescriptionsof,say,“a

transcendentalfeelingofbeingunitedwiththeworld,”oneofthemost

commonfeelingsreported.Ratherthanmadness,mostvolunteers

describedsensationssuchasanewability“toseeoneselfobjectively”;

“enhancementinthesensoryfields”;profoundnewunderstandings“in

thefieldofphilosophyorreligion”;and“increasedsensitivitytothe

feelingsofothers.”*Inspiteofthepowerfulexpectancyeffect,symptoms

thatlookednothinglikethoseofinsanitywerebustingthroughthe

researchers’preconceptions.

FormanyofthealcoholicstreatedatWeyburnhospital,thecoreofthe

LSDexperienceseemedtoinvolvesomethingclosertotranscendence,or

spiritualepiphany,thantemporarypsychosis.OsmondandHofferbegan

toentertaindoubtsabouttheirdeliriumtremensmodeland,eventually,

towonderifperhapsthewholepsychotomimeticparadigm—andname

forthesedrugs—mightneedretooling.Theyreceivedastrongpushin

thatdirectionfromAldousHuxleyafterhismescalineexperience,which

hedeclaredborescantresemblancetopsychosis.Whatapsychiatrist

mightdiagnoseasdepersonalization,hallucinations,ormaniamight

betterbethoughtofasinstancesofmysticalunion,visionaryexperience,

orecstasy.Coulditbethatthedoctorsweremistakingtranscendencefor

insanity?

Atthesametime,OsmondandHofferwerelearningfromtheir

volunteersthattheenvironmentinwhichtheLSDsessiontookplace

exertedapowerfuleffectonthekindsofexperiencespeoplehadandthat

oneofthebestwaystoavoidabadsessionwasthepresenceofan

engagedandempathetictherapist,ideallysomeonewhohadhadhisor

herownLSDexperience.Theycametosuspectthatthefewpsychotic

reactionstheydidobservemightactuallybeanartifactofthe

metaphoricalwhiteroomandwhite-coatedclinician.Thoughtheterms

“set”and“setting”wouldnotbeusedinthiscontextforseveralmore

years(andbecamecloselyidentifiedwithTimothyLeary’sworkat

Harvardadecadelater),OsmondandHofferwerealreadycomingto

appreciatethesupremeimportanceofthosefactorsinthesuccessoftheir

treatment.

Buthoweveritworked,itworked,orcertainlyseemedto:bytheendof

thedecade,LSDwaswidelyregardedinNorthAmericaasamiraclecure

foralcoholaddiction.Basedonthissuccess,theSaskatchewanprovincial

governmenthelpeddeveloppoliciesmakingLSDtherapyastandard

treatmentoptionforalcoholicsintheprovince.Yetnoteveryoneinthe

CanadianmedicalestablishmentfoundtheSaskatchewanresults

credible:theyseemedtoogoodtobetrue.Intheearly1960s,the

AddictionResearchFoundationinToronto,theleadinginstituteofits

kindinCanada,setouttoreplicatetheSaskatchewantrialsusingbetter

controls.Hopingtoisolatetheeffectsofthedrugfromallothervariables,

cliniciansadministeredLSDtoalcoholicsinneutralroomsandunder

instructionsnottoengagewiththemduringtheirtrips,exceptto

administeranextensivequestionnaire.Thevolunteerswerethenputin

constraintsorblindfolded,orboth.Notsurprisingly,theresultsfailedto

matchthoseobtainedbyOsmondandHoffer.Worsestill,morethana

fewofthevolunteersenduredterrifyingexperiences—badtrips,asthey

wouldcometobecalled.CriticsoftreatingalcoholicswithLSDconcluded

thatthetreatmentdidn’tworkaswellunderrigorouslycontrolled

conditions,whichwastrueenough,whilesupportersofthepractice

concludedthatattentiontosetandsettingwasessentialtothesuccessof

LSDtherapy,whichwasalsotrue.

•••

INTHEMID-1950S,BillWilson,thecofounderofAlcoholicsAnonymous,

learnedaboutOsmondandHoffer’sworkwithalcoholics.Theideathata

drugcouldoccasionalife-changingspiritualexperiencewasnotexactly

newstoBillW.,ashewasknowninthefellowship.Hecreditedhisown

sobrietytoamysticalexperiencehehadonbelladonna,aplant-derived

alkaloidwithhallucinogenicpropertiesthatwasadministeredtohimat

TownsHospitalinManhattanin1934.FewmembersofAArealizethat

thewholeideaofaspiritualawakeningleadingonetosurrendertoa

“higherpower”—acornerstoneofAlcoholicsAnonymous—canbetraced

toapsychedelicdrugtrip.

Twentyyearslater,BillW.becamecurioustoseeifLSD,thisnew

wonderdrug,mightproveusefulinhelpingrecoveringalcoholicshave

suchanawakening.ThroughHumphryOsmondhegotintouchwith

SidneyCohen,aninternistattheBrentwoodVAhospital(and,later,

UCLA)whohadbeenexperimentingwithSandozLSDsince1955.

Beginningin1956,BillW.hadseveralLSDsessionsinLosAngeleswith

SidneyCohenandBettyEisner,ayoungpsychologistwhohadrecently

completedherdoctorateatUCLA.AlongwiththepsychiatristOscar

Janiger,CohenandEisnerwerebythenleadingfiguresinanewhubof

LSDresearchlooselycenteredonUCLA.Bythemid-1950s,therewere

perhapsadozensuchhubsinNorthAmericaandEurope;mostofthem

keptinclosecontactwithoneanother,sharingtechniques,discoveries,

and,sometimes,drugs,inaspiritthatwasgenerallymorecooperative

thancompetitive.

BillW.’ssessionswithCohenandEisnerconvincedhimthatLSD

couldreliablyoccasionthekindofspiritualawakeninghebelievedone

neededinordertogetsober;however,hedidnotbelievetheLSD

experiencewasanythingliketheDTs,thusdrivinganothernailinthe

coffinofthatidea.BillW.thoughttheremightbeaplaceforLSDtherapy

inAA,buthiscolleaguesontheboardofthefellowshipstrongly

disagreed,believingthattocondonetheuseofanymind-altering

substanceriskedmuddyingtheorganization’sbrandandmessage.

•••

SIDNEYCOHENANDHISCOLLEAGUESinLosAngeleshad,liketheCanadian

group,startedoutthinkingthatLSDwasapsychotomimetic,butbythe

mid-1950sCohen,too,hadcometoquestionthatmodel.Bornin1910in

NewYorkCitytoLithuanianJewishimmigrants,Cohen,whoin

photographslooksverydistinguished,withthickwhitehairslickedback,

trainedinpharmacologyatColumbiaUniversityandservedintheU.S.

ArmyMedicalCorpsintheSouthPacificduringWorldWarII.Itwasin

1953,whileworkingonareviewarticleaboutchemicallyinduced

psychoses—along-standingresearchinterest—thatCohenfirstreadabout

anewdrugcalledLSD.

YetwhenCohenfinallytriedLSDhimselfinOctober1955,he“was

takenbysurprise.”Expectingtofindhimselftrappedinsidethemindofa

madman,Coheninsteadexperiencedaprofound,eventranscendent

senseoftranquillity,asif“theproblemsandstrivings,theworriesand

frustrationsofeverydaylife[had]vanished;intheirplacewasamajestic,

sunlit,heavenlyinnerquietude...Iseemedtohavefinallyarrivedatthe

contemplationofeternaltruth.”Whateverthiswas,hefeltcertainit

wasn’tatemporarypsychosis.BettyEisnerwrotethatCohencameto

thinkofitinsteadassomethinghecalled“unsanity”:“astatebeyondthe

controloftheego.”

Asoftenhappensinsciencewhenatheoreticalparadigmcomesunder

thepressureofcontraryevidence,theparadigmtottersforaperiodof

timeasresearchersattempttopropitupwithvariousamendmentsand

adjustments,andthen,oftenquitesuddenlyandswiftly,itcollapsesasa

newparadigmrisestotakeitsplace.Suchwasthefateofthe

psychotomimeticparadigminthemid-1950s.Certainly,anumberof

volunteerswerereportingchallengingandsometimesevenharrowing

trips,butremarkablyfewwerehavingthefull-onpsychosistheparadigm

promised.EvenpoorMr.Katz’stwelvehoursasamadmanincluded

passagesofindescribablepleasureandinsightthatcouldnotbe

overlooked.

Asithappened,thepsychotomimeticparadigmwasreplacednotby

onebutbytwodistinctnewtheoreticalmodels:thepsycholyticand,later,

thepsychedelicmodel.Eachwasbasedonadifferentconceptionofhow

thecompoundsworkedonthemindandthereforehowtheymightbest

bedeployedinthetreatmentofmentalillness.Thetwomodelsweren’tat

oddswitheachother,exactly,andsomeresearchersexploredbothat

varioustimes,buttheydidrepresentprofoundlydifferentapproachesto

understandingthepsyche,aswellastopsychotherapyand,ultimately,

scienceitself.

Theso-calledpsycholyticparadigmwasdevelopedfirstandproved

especiallypopularinEuropeandwiththeLosAngelesgroupidentified

withSidneyCohen,BettyEisner,andOscarJaniger.Coinedbyan

EnglishpsychiatristnamedRonaldSandison,“psycholytic”means“mind

loosening,”whichiswhatLSDandpsilocybinseemtodo—atleastatlow

doses.TherapistswhoadministereddosesofLSDaslowas25

micrograms(andseldomhigherthan150micrograms)reportedthat

theirpatients’egodefensesrelaxed,allowingthemtobringupand

discussdifficultorrepressedmaterialwithrelativeease.Thissuggested

thatthedrugscouldbeusedasanaidtotalkingtherapy,becauseatthese

dosesthepatients’egosremainedsufficientlyintacttoallowthemto

conversewithatherapistandlaterrecallwhatwasdiscussed.

Thesupremevirtueofthepsycholyticapproachwasthatitmeshedso

neatlywiththeprevailingmodesofpsychoanalysis,apracticethatthe

drugspromisedtospeedupandstreamline,ratherthanrevolutionizeor

renderobsolete.Thebigproblemwithpsychoanalysisisthattheaccessto

theunconsciousmindonwhichthewholeapproachdependsisdifficult

andlimitedtotwoless-than-optimalroutes:thepatient’sfree

associationsanddreams.Freudcalleddreams“theroyalroad”tothe

subconscious,bypassingthegatesofboththeegoandthesuperego,yet

theroadhasplentyofrutsandpotholes:patientsdon’talwaysremember

theirdreams,andwhentheydorecallthem,itisoftenimperfectly.Drugs

likeLSDandpsilocybinpromisedabetterrouteintothesubconscious.

StanislavGrof,whotrainedasapsychoanalyst,foundthatunder

moderatedosesofLSDhispatientswouldquicklyestablishastrong

transferencewiththetherapist,recoverchildhoodtraumas,givevoiceto

buriedemotions,and,insomecases,actuallyrelivetheexperienceof

theirbirth—ourfirsttraumaand,Grofbelieved(followingOttoRank),a

keydeterminantofpersonality.(Grofdidextensiveresearchtryingto

correlatehispatients’recollectionsoftheirbirthexperienceonLSDwith

contemporaneousreportsfrommedicalpersonnelandparents.He

concludedthatwiththehelpofLSDmanypeoplecanindeedrecallthe

circumstancesoftheirbirth,especiallywhenitwasadifficultone.)

InLosAngeles,Cohen,Eisner,andJanigerbeganincorporatingLSD

intheirweeklytherapeuticsessions,graduallysteppingupthedoseeach

weekuntiltheirpatientsgainedaccesstosubconsciousmaterialsuchas

repressedemotionsandburiedmemoriesofchildhoodtrauma.They

mainlytreatedneuroticsandalcoholicsandpeoplewithminor

personalitydisorders—theusualsortsofpatientsseenby

psychotherapists,functionalandarticulatepeoplewithintactegosand

thewilltogetbetter.TheLosAngelesgroupalsotreatedhundredsof

painters,composers,andwriters,onthetheorythatifthewellspringof

creativitywasthesubconscious,LSDwouldexpandone’saccesstoit.

Thesetherapistsandtheirpatientsexpectedthedrugtobe

therapeutic,and,loandbehold,itfrequentlywas:CohenandEisner

reportedthatsixteenoftheirfirsttwenty-twopatientsshowedmarked

improvement.A1967reviewarticlesummarizingpapersabout

psycholytictherapypublishedbetween1953and1965estimatedthatthe

technique’srateofsuccessrangedfrom70percentincasesofanxiety

neurosis,62percentfordepression,and42percentforobsessive-

compulsivedisorder.Theseresultswereimpressive,yettherewerefewif

anyattemptstoreplicatethemincontrolledtrials.

Bytheendofthedecade,psycholyticLSDtherapywasroutinepractice

inthetonierprecinctsofLosAngeles,suchasBeverlyHills.Certainlythe

businessmodelwashardtobeat:sometherapistswerechargingupwards

offivehundreddollarsasessiontoadministeradrugtheywereoften

gettingfromSandozforfree.LSDtherapyalsobecamethesubjectof

remarkablypositivepressattention.Articleslike“My12Hoursasa

Madman”gavewaytotheenthusiastictestimonialsofthenumerous

Hollywoodcelebritieswhohadhadtransformativeexperiencesinthe

officesofOscarJaniger,BettyEisner,andSidneyCohenandagrowing

numberofothertherapists.AnaïsNin,JackNicholson,StanleyKubrick,

AndréPrevin,JamesCoburn,andthebeatcomedianLordBuckleyall

underwentLSDtherapy,manyofthemonthecouchofOscarJaniger.

ButthemostfamousofthesepatientswasCaryGrant,whogavean

interviewin1959tothesyndicatedgossipcolumnistJoeHyamsextolling

thebenefitsofLSDtherapy.Granthadmorethansixtysessionsandby

theenddeclaredhimself“bornagain.”

“Allthesadnessandvanitiesweretornaway,”thefifty-five-year-old

actortoldHyams,inaninterviewallthemoresurprisinginthelightof

CaryGrant’simageasareservedandproperEnglishman.“I’vehadmy

egostrippedaway.Amanisabetteractorwithoutego,becausehehas

truthinhim.NowIcannotbehaveuntruthfullytowardanyone,and

certainlynottomyself.”Fromthesoundofit,LSDhadturnedCaryGrant

intoanAmerican.

“I’mnolongerlonelyandIamahappyman,”Grantdeclared.Hesaid

theexperiencehadallowedhimtoovercomehisnarcissism,greatly

improvingnotonlyhisactingbuthisrelationshipswithwomen:“Young

womenhaveneverbeforebeensoattractedtome.”

Notsurprisingly,Grant’sinterview,whichreceivedboatloadsof

nationalpublicity,createdasurgeindemandforLSDtherapy,andfor

justplainLSD.Hyamsreceivedmorethaneighthundredlettersfrom

readerseagertoknowhowtheymightobtainit:“Psychiatristscalled,

complainingthattheirpatientswerenowbeggingthemforLSD.”

Iftheperiodwecall“the1960s”actuallybegansometimeinthe1950s,

thefadforLSDtherapythatCaryGrantunleashedin1959isonegood

placetomarkashiftintheculturalbreeze.YearsbeforeTimothyLeary

becamenotoriousforpromotingLSDoutsideatherapeuticorresearch

context,thedrughadalreadybegun“escapingfromthelab”inLos

Angelesandreceivingferventnationalpressattention.By1959,LSDwas

showinguponthestreetinsomeplaces.Severaltherapistsand

researchersinLosAngelesandNewYorkbeganholdingLSD“sessions”

intheirhomesforfriendsandcolleagues,thoughexactlyhowthese

sessionscouldbedistinguishedfrompartiesisdifficulttosay.Atleastin

LosAngeles,thepremiseof“doingresearch”hadbecometenuousatbest.

Asoneoftheseputativeresearcherswouldlaterwrite,“LSDbecamefor

usanintellectualfundrug.”

SidneyCohen,whobynowwasthedeanofLSDresearchersinLos

Angeles,scrupulouslyavoidedthissceneandbegantohavesecond

thoughtsaboutthedrug,oratleastaboutthewayitwasnowbeingused

anddiscussed.Accordingtohisbiographer,thehistorianStevenNovak,

Cohenwasmadeuncomfortablebythecultishnessandauraofreligiosity

andmagicthatnowwreathedLSD.Soundingathemethatwouldcropup

repeatedlyinthehistoryofpsychedelicresearch,Cohenstruggledwith

thetensionbetweenthespiritualimportoftheLSDexperience(andthe

mysticalinclinationsitbroughtoutinitsclinicalpractitioners)andthe

ethosofsciencetowhichhewasdevoted.Heremaineddeeply

ambivalent:LSD,hewroteina1959lettertoacolleague,had“openeda

doorfromwhichwemustnotretreatmerelybecausewefeel

uncomfortablyunscientificatthethreshold.”Andyetthatisprecisely

howtheLSDworkoftenmadehimfeel:uncomfortablyunscientific.

Cohenalsobegantowonderaboutthestatusoftheinsightsthat

patientsbroughtbackfromtheirjourneys.Hecametobelievethat

“underLSDthefondesttheoriesofthetherapistareconfirmedbyhis

patient.”Theexpectancyeffectwassuchthatpatientsworkingwith

FreudiantherapistsreturnedwithFreudianinsights(framedintermsof

childhoodtrauma,sexualdrives,andoedipalemotions),whilepatients

workingwithJungiantherapistsreturnedwithvividarchetypesfromthe

atticofthecollectiveunconscious,andRankianswithrecovered

memoriesoftheirbirthtraumas.

Thisradicalsuggestibilityposedascientificdilemma,surely,butwasit

necessarilyatherapeuticdilemmaaswell?Perhapsnot:Cohenwrotethat

“anyexplanationofthepatient’sproblems,iffirmlybelievedbyboththe

therapistandthepatient,constitutesinsightorisusefulasinsight.”Yet

hequalifiedthisperspectivebyacknowledgingitwas“nihilistic,”which,

scientificallyspeaking,itsurelywas.Forittakespsychotherapyperilously

closetotheworldofshamanismandfaithhealing,adistinctly

uncomfortableplaceforascientisttobe.Andyetaslongasitworks,as

longasithealspeople,whyshouldanyonecare?(Thisisthesame

discomfortscientistsfeelaboutusingplacebos.Itsuggestsaninteresting

waytothinkaboutpsychedelics:asakindof“activeplacebo,”toborrowa

termproposedbyAndrewWeilinhis1972book,TheNaturalMind.They

dosomething,surely,butmostofwhatthatismaybeself-generated.Or

asStanislavGrofputit,psychedelicsare“nonspecificamplifiers”of

mentalprocesses.)

Cohen’sthoughtfulambivalenceaboutLSD,whichhewouldcontinue

tofeeluntiltheendofhiscareer,markshimasthatrarefigureinaworld

denselypopulatedbypsychedelicevangelists:theopen-mindedskeptic,a

mancapableofholdingcontraryideasinhishead.Cohencontinuedto

believeinthetherapeuticpowerofLSD,especiallyinthetreatmentof

anxietyincancerpatients,whichhewroteabout,enthusiastically,for

Harper’sin1965.There,hecalledit“therapybyself-transcendence,”

suggestinghesawaroleinWesternmedicineforwhatwouldcometobe

calledappliedmysticism.YetCohenneverhesitatedtocallattentionto

theabusesanddangersofLSD,ortocallouthismoreferventcolleagues

whentheystrayedtoofaroffthepathofscience—thepathfromwhichthe

sirensongofpsychedelicswouldluresomany.

•••

BACKINSASKATCHEWAN,HumphryOsmondandAbramHofferhadtakena

verydifferentpathafterthecollapseofthepsychotomimeticparadigm,

thoughthispath,too,endedupcomplicatingtheirownrelationshipto

science.StrugglingtoformulateanewtherapeuticmodelforLSD,they

turnedtoapairofbrilliantamateurs—oneafamousauthor,Aldous

Huxley,andtheotheranobscureformerbootleggerandgunrunner,spy,

inventor,boatcaptain,ex-con,andCatholicmysticnamedAlHubbard.

ThesetwomostunlikelynonscientistswouldhelptheCanadian

psychiatristsreconceptualizetheLSDexperienceanddevelopthe

therapeuticprotocolthatisstillinusetoday.

Thenameforthisnewapproach,andthenameforthisclassofdrugs

thatwouldfinallystick—psychedelics—emergedfroma1956exchangeof

lettersbetweenHumphryOsmondandAldousHuxley.Thetwohadfirst

metin1953,afterHuxleywrotetoOsmondexpressinginterestintrying

mescaline;hehadreadajournalarticlebyOsmonddescribingthedrug’s

effectsonthemind.Huxleyhadlongharboredalivelyinterestindrugs

andconsciousness—theplotofhismostfamousnovel,BraveNewWorld

(1932),turnsonamind-controldrughecalledsoma—aswellas

mysticism,paranormalperception,reincarnation,UFOs,andsoon.

Sointhespringof1953,HumphryOsmondtraveledtoLosAngelesto

administermescalinetoAldousHuxley,thoughnotwithoutsome

trepidation.Inadvanceofthesession,heconfidedtoacolleaguethathe

didnot“relishthepossibility,howeverremote,offindingasmallbut

discreditablenicheinliteraryhistoryasthemanwhodroveAldous

Huxleymad.”

Heneednothaveworried.Huxleyhadasplendidtrip,onethatwould

changeforevertheculture’sunderstandingofthesedrugswhen,the

followingyear,hepublishedhisaccountofhisexperienceinTheDoorsof

Perception.

“Itwaswithoutquestionthemostextraordinaryandsignificant

experiencethissideoftheBeatificVision,”Huxleywroteinalettertohis

editorshortlyafterithappened.ForHuxley,therewasnoquestionbut

thatthedrugsgavehimaccessnottothemindofthemadmanbuttoa

spiritualrealmofineffablebeauty.Themostmundaneobjectsglowed

withthelightofadivinityhecalled“theMindatLarge.”Even“thefolds

ofmygrayflanneltrouserswerechargedwith‘is-ness,’”hetellsus,before

dilatingonthebeautyofthedraperiesinBotticelli’spaintingsandthe

“AllnessandInfinityoffoldedcloth.”Whenhegazeduponasmallvaseof

flowers,hesaw“whatAdamhadseenonthemorningofhiscreation—the

miracle,momentbymoment,ofnakedexistence...flowersshiningwith

theirowninnerlightandallbutquiveringunderthepressureofthe

significancewithwhichtheywerecharged.”

“Wordslike‘grace’and‘transfiguration’cametomymind.”For

Huxley,thedruggavehimunmediatedaccesstorealmsofexistence

usuallyknownonlytomysticsandahandfulofhistory’sgreatvisionary

artists.Thisotherworldisalwayspresentbutinordinarymomentsis

keptfromourawarenessbythe“reducingvalve”ofeverydaywaking

consciousness,akindofmentalfilterthatadmitsonly“ameaslytrickleof

thekindofconsciousness”weneedinordertosurvive.Therestwasa

gorgeoussuperfluity,which,likepoetry,mendieeverydayforthelack

thereof.MescalineflungopenwhatWilliamBlakehadcalled“thedoors

ofperception,”admittingtoourconsciousawarenessaglimpseofthe

infinite,whichisalwayspresentallaroundus—eveninthecreasesinour

trousers!—ifonlywecouldjustsee.

Likeeverypsychedelicexperiencebeforeorsince,Huxley’sdidnot

unfoldonablankslate,denovo,thepureproductofthechemical,but

ratherwasshapedinimportantwaysbyhisreadingandthephilosophical

andspiritualinclinationshebroughttotheexperience.(Itwasonlywhen

Itypedhislineaboutflowers“shiningwiththeirowninnerlight”and“all

butquiveringunderthepressure”oftheirsignificancethatIrealizedjust

howstronglyHuxleyhadinflectedmyownperceptionofplantsunderthe

influenceofpsilocybin.)Theideaofamentalreducingvalvethat

constrainsourperceptions,forinstance,comesfromtheFrench

philosopherHenriBergson.Bergsonbelievedthatconsciousnesswasnot

generatedbyhumanbrainsbutratherexistsinafieldoutsideus,

somethinglikeelectromagneticwaves;ourbrains,whichhelikenedto

radioreceivers,cantuneintodifferentfrequenciesofconsciousness.

Huxleyalsobelievedthatatthebaseofalltheworld’sreligionstherelies

acommoncoreofmysticalexperiencehecalled“thePerennial

Philosophy.”Naturally,Huxley’smorningonmescalineconfirmedhimin

alltheseideas;asonereviewerofTheDoorsofPerceptionputit,rather

snidely,thebookcontained“99percentAldousHuxleyandonlyonehalf

grammescaline.”Butitdidn’tmatter:greatwritersstamptheworldwith

theirminds,andthepsychedelicexperiencewillforevermorebear

Huxley’sindelibleimprint.

Whateverelseitimpressedontheculture,Huxley’sexperienceleftno

doubtinhismindorOsmond’sthatthe“modelpsychosis”didn’tbeginto

describethemindonmescalineorLSD,whichHuxleywouldtryforthe

firsttimetwoyearslater.Oneperson’s“depersonalization”couldbe

another’s“senseofoneness”;itwasallamatterofperspectiveand

vocabulary.

“Itwillgivethatelixirabadnameifitcontinuestobeassociated,in

thepublicmind,withschizophreniasymptoms,”Huxleywroteto

Osmondin1955.“Peoplewillthinktheyaregoingmad,wheninfactthey

arebeginning,whentheytakeit,togosane.”

Clearlyanewnameforthisclassofdrugswascalledfor,andina1956

exchangeoflettersthepsychiatristandthewritercameupwithacouple

ofcandidates.Surprisingly,however,itwasthepsychiatrist,notthe

writer,whohadthewinningidea.Huxley’sproposalcameinacouplet:

Tomakethismundaneworldsublime

Justhalfagramofphanerothyme.

HiscoinagecombinedtheGreekwordsfor“spirit”and“manifesting.”

Perhapswaryofadoptingsuchanovertlyspiritualterm,thescientist

repliedwithhisownrhyme:

TofallinhellorsoarAngelic

You’llneedapinchofpsychedelic.

Osmond’sneologismmarriedtwoGreekwordsthattogethermean

“mindmanifesting.”ThoughbynowthewordhastakenontheDay-Glo

coloringofthe1960s,atthetimeitwastheveryneutralityof

“psychedelic”thatcommendedittohim:theword“hadnoparticular

connotationofmadness,crazinessorecstasy,butsuggestedan

enlargementandexpansionofmind.”Italsohadthevirtueofbeing

“uncontaminatedbyotherassociations,”thoughthatwouldnotremain

thecaseforlong.

“Psychedelictherapy,”asOsmondandhiscolleaguespracticedit

beginninginthemid-1950s,typicallyinvolvedasingle,high-dose

session,usuallyofLSD,thattookplaceincomfortablesurroundings,the

subjectstretchedoutonacouch,withatherapist(ortwo)inattendance

whosaysverylittle,allowingthejourneytounfoldaccordingtoitsown

logic.Toeliminatedistractionsandencourageaninwardjourney,music

isplayedandthesubjectusuallywearseyeshades.Thegoalwastocreate

theconditionsforaspiritualepiphany—whatamountedtoaconversion

experience.

Butthoughthismodeoftherapywouldbecomecloselyidentifiedwith

OsmondandHoffer,theythemselvescreditedsomeoneelseforcritical

elementsofitsdesign,amanofconsiderablemysterywithnoformal

trainingasascientistortherapist:AlHubbard.Atreatmentspace

decoratedtofeelmorelikeahomethanahospitalcametobeknownasa

HubbardRoom,andatleastoneearlypsychedelicresearchertoldme

thatthiswholetherapeuticregime,whichisnowthenorm,shouldbyall

rightsbeknownas“theHubbardmethod.”YetAlHubbard,a.k.a.

“CaptainTrips”and“theJohnnyAppleseedofLSD,”isnotthekindof

intellectualforebearanyonedoingseriouspsychedelicsciencetodayis

eagertoacknowledge,muchlesscelebrate.

•••

ALHUBBARDISSURELYthemostimprobable,intriguing,andelusivefigure

togracethehistoryofpsychedelics,andthat’ssayingalot.Thereismuch

wedon’tknowabouthim,andmanykeyfactsabouthislifeare

impossibletoconfirm,contradictory,orjustplainfishy.Tociteonesmall

example,hisFBIfileputshisheightatfivefeeteleven,butin

photographsandvideosHubbardappearsshortandstocky,withabig

roundheadtoppedwithacrewcut;forreasonsknownonlytohimself,he

oftenworeaparamilitaryuniformandcarriedaColt.45revolver,giving

theimpressionofasmall-townsheriff.Butbasedonhisextensive

correspondencewithcolleaguesandahandfulofaccountsinthe

Canadianpressandbooksabouttheperiod,*aswellasinterviewswitha

handfulofpeoplewhoknewhimwell,it’spossibletoassemblearough

portraitoftheman,evenifitdoesleavesomeimportantareasblurryor

blank.

HubbardwasbornpoorinthehillsofKentuckyineither1901or1902

(hisFBIfilegivesbothdates);helikedtotellpeoplehewastwelvebefore

heownedapairofshoes.Henevergotpastthethirdgrade,buttheboy

evidentlyhadaflairforelectronics.Asateenager,heinventedsomething

calledtheHubbardEnergyTransformer,anewtypeofbatterypowered

byradioactivitythat“couldnotbeexplainedbythetechnologyofthe

day”—thisaccordingtothebestaccountwehaveofhislife,awell-

researched1991HighTimesarticlebyToddBrendanFahey.Hubbard

soldahalfinterestinthepatentforseventy-fivethousanddollars,though

nothingevercameoftheinventionandPopularSciencemagazineonce

includeditinasurveyoftechnologicalhoaxes.DuringProhibition,

HubbarddroveataxiinSeattle,butthatappearstohavebeenacover:in

thetrunkofhiscabhekeptasophisticatedship-to-shore

communicationssystemheusedtoguidebootleggersseekingtoevade

theCoastGuard.HubbardwaseventuallybustedbytheFBIandspent

eighteenmonthsinprisononasmugglingcharge.

AfterhisreleasefromprisonthetrailofHubbard’slifebecomeseven

moredifficulttofollow,muddiedbyvagueandcontradictoryaccounts.In

oneofthem,Hubbardbecameinvolvedinanundercoveroperationto

shipheavyarmamentsfromSanDiegotoCanadaandfromthereonto

Britain,intheyearsbeforetheU.S.enteredWorldWarII,whenthe

nationwasstillofficiallyneutral.(ScoutsforthefutureOSSofficerAllen

Dulles,impressedbyHubbard’sexpertiseinelectronics,mayormaynot

haverecruitedhimforthemission.)ButwhenCongressbegan

investigatingtheoperation,HubbardfledtoVancouvertoavoid

prosecution.TherehebecameaCanadiancitizen,foundedacharterboat

business(earninghimthetitleofCaptain)andbecamethescience

directorofauraniumminingcompany.(Accordingtooneaccount,

HubbardhadsomethingtodowithsupplyinguraniumtotheManhattan

Project.)Bytheageoffifty,the“barefootboyfromKentucky”had

becomeamillionaire,ownerofafleetofaircraft,aone-hundred-foot

yacht,aRolls-Royce,andaprivateislandoffVancouver.Atsomepoint

duringthewarHubbardapparentlyreturnedtotheUnitedStates,andhe

joinedtheOSSshortlybeforethewartimeintelligenceagencybecamethe

CIA.

AfewothercuriousfactsabouttheprepsychedelicAlHubbard:He

wasanardentCatholic,withapronouncedmysticalbent.Andhewas

unusuallyflexibleinhisprofessionalloyalties,workingatvarioustimes

asarum-andgunrunneraswellasanagentfortheBureauofAlcohol,

Tobacco,andFirearms.Washeadoubleagentofsomekind?Possibly.At

onetimeoranother,healsoworkedfortheCanadianSpecialServices,

theU.S.DepartmentofJustice,andtheFoodandDrugAdministration.

HisFBIfilesuggestshehadlinkstotheCIAduringthe1950s,butthe

redactionsaretooheavyforittorevealmuchabouthisrole,ifany.We

knowthegovernmentkeptclosetabsonthepsychedelicresearch

communityallthroughthe1950s,1960s,and1970s(fundinguniversity

researchonLSDandscientificconferencesinsomecases),andit

wouldn’tbesurprisingif,inexchangeforinformation,thegovernment

wouldallowHubbardtooperatewithasmuchfreedomashedid.Butthis

remainsspeculation.

AlHubbard’slifemadearight-angledchangeofcoursein1951.Atthe

time,hewashugelysuccessfulbutunhappy,“desperatelysearchingfor

meaninginhislife”—thisaccordingtoWillisHarman,oneofagroupof

SiliconValleyengineerstowhomHubbardwouldintroduceLSDlaterin

thedecade.AsHubbardtoldthestorytoHarman(andHarmantolditto

ToddBrendanFahey),hewashikinginWashingtonStatewhenanangel

appearedtohiminaclearing.“ShetoldAlthatsomethingtremendously

importanttothefutureofmankindwouldbecomingsoon,andthathe

couldplayaroleinitifhewantedto.Buthehadn’tthefaintestcluewhat

hewassupposedtobelookingfor.”

Thecluearrivedayearlater,intheformofanarticleinascientific

journaldescribingthebehaviorofratsgivenanewlydiscovered

compoundcalledLSD.Hubbardtrackeddowntheresearcher,obtained

someLSD,andhadaliterallylife-changingexperience.Hewitnessedthe

beginningoflifeonearthaswellashisownconception.“Itwasthe

deepestmysticalthingI’veeverseen,”hetoldfriendslater.“Isawmyself

asatinymiteinabigswampwithasparkofintelligence.Isawmy

motherandfatherhavingintercourse.”Clearlythiswaswhattheangel

hadforetold—“somethingtremendouslyimportanttothefutureof

mankind.”Hubbardrealizeditwasuptohimtobringthenewgospelof

LSD,andthechemicalitself,toasmanypeopleashepossiblycould.He

hadbeengivenwhathecalleda“specialchosenrole.”

ThusbeganAlHubbard’scareerastheJohnnyAppleseedofLSD.

Throughhisextensiveconnectionsinbothgovernmentandbusiness,he

persuadedSandozLaboratoriestogivehimamind-bogglingquantityof

LSD—aliterbottleofit,inoneaccount,forty-threecasesinanother,six

thousandvialsinathird.(HereportedlytoldAlbertHofmannheplanned

touseit“toliberatehumanconsciousness.”)Dependingonwhomyou

believe,hekepthissupplyhiddeninasafe-depositboxinZurichor

buriedsomewhereinDeathValley,butasubstantialpartofithecarried

withhiminaleathersatchel.Eventually,Hubbardbecametheexclusive

distributorofSandozLSDinCanadaand,later,somehowsecuredan

InvestigationalNewDrugpermitfromtheFDAallowinghimtoconduct

clinicalresearchonLSDintheUnitedStates—thiseventhoughhehada

third-gradeeducation,acriminalrecord,andasingle,arguably

fraudulentscientificcredential.(HisPhDhadbeenpurchasedfroma

diplomamill.)Seeinghimselfas“acatalyticagent,”Hubbardwould

introduceanestimatedsixthousandpeopletoLSDbetween1951and

1966,inanavowedefforttoshiftthecourseofhumanhistory.

Curiously,thebarefootboyfromKentuckywassomethingofa

mandarin,choosingashissubjectsleadingfiguresinbusiness,

government,thearts,religion,andtechnology.Hebelievedinworking

fromthetopdownanddisdainedotherpsychedelicevangelists,like

TimothyLeary,whotookamoredemocraticapproach.Membersof

Parliament,officialsoftheRomanCatholicChurch,*Hollywoodactors,

governmentofficials,prominentwritersandphilosophers,university

officials,computerengineers,andprominentbusinessmenwereall

introducedtoLSDaspartofHubbard’smissiontoshiftthecourseof

historyfromabove.(NoteveryoneHubbardapproachedwouldplay:J.

EdgarHoover,whomHubbardclaimedasaclosefriend,declined.)

Hubbardbelievedthat“ifhecouldgivethepsychedelicexperiencetothe

majorexecutivesoftheFortune500companies,”AbramHofferrecalled,

“hewouldchangethewholeofsociety.”OneoftheexecutivesHubbard

turnedoninthelate1950s—MyronStolaroff,assistanttothepresident

forlong-termplanningatAmpex,atthetimealeadingelectronicsfirmin

SiliconValley—became“convincedthat[AlHubbard]wasthemanto

bringLSDtoplanetEarth.”

•••

IN1953,notlongafterhispsychedelicepiphany,Hubbardinvited

HumphryOsmondtolunchattheVancouverYachtClub.Likesomany

others,OsmondwasdeeplyimpressedbyHubbard’sworldliness,wealth,

connections,andaccesstoseeminglyendlesssuppliesofLSD.Thelunch

ledtoacollaborationthatchangedthecourseofpsychedelicresearch

and,inimportantways,laidthegroundworkfortheresearchtakingplace

today.

UndertheinfluenceofbothHubbardandHuxley,whoseprimary

interestwasintherevelatoryimportofpsychedelics,Osmondabandoned

thepsychotomimeticmodel.ItwasHubbardwhofirstproposedtohim

thatthemysticalexperiencemanysubjectshadonasinglehighdoseof

mescalineorLSDmightitselfbeharnessedasamodeoftherapy—and

thattheexperiencewasmoreimportantthanthechemical.The

psychedelicjourneycould,liketheconversionexperience,forciblyshow

peopleanew,moreencompassingperspectiveontheirlivesthatwould

helpthemtochange.ButperhapsHubbard’smostenduringcontribution

topsychedelictherapyemergedin,ofallplaces,thetreatmentroom.

ItiseasiertoaccumulatefactsaboutAlHubbard’slifethanitistoget

asteadysenseofthecharacteroftheman,itwassorifewith

contradiction.Thepistol-packingtoughguywasalsoanardentmystic

whotalkedaboutloveandtheheavenlybeatitudes.Andthewell-

connectedbusinessmanandgovernmentagentprovedtobearemarkably

sensitiveandgiftedtherapist.Thoughheneverusedthoseterms,

Hubbardwasthefirstresearchertograspthecriticalimportanceofset

andsettinginshapingthepsychedelicexperience.Heinstinctively

understoodthatthewhitewallsandfluorescentlightingofthesanitized

hospitalroomwereallwrong.Sohebroughtpicturesandmusic,flowers

anddiamonds,intothetreatmentroom,wherehewouldusethemto

primepatientsforamysticalrevelationordivertajourneywhenittooka

terrifyingturn.HelikedtoshowpeoplepaintingsbySalvadorDalíand

picturesofJesusortoaskthemtostudythefacetsofadiamondhe

carried.OnepatienthetreatedinVancouver,analcoholicparalyzedby

socialanxiety,recalledHubbardhandinghimabouquetofrosesduring

anLSDsession:“Hesaid,‘Nowhatethem.’Theywitheredandthepetals

felloff,andIstartedtocry.Thenhesaid,‘Lovethem,’andtheycame

backbrighterandevenmorespectacularthanbefore.Thatmeantalotto

me.Irealizedthatyoucanmakeyourrelationshipsanythingyouwant.

ThetroubleIwashavingwithpeoplewascomingfromme.”

WhatHubbardwasbringingintothetreatmentroomwassomething

wellknowntoanytraditionalhealer.Shamanshaveunderstoodfor

millenniathatapersoninthedepthsofatranceorundertheinfluenceof

apowerfulplantmedicinecanbereadilymanipulatedwiththehelpof

certainwords,specialobjects,ortherightkindofmusic.Hubbard

understoodintuitivelyhowthesuggestibilityofthehumanmindduring

analteredstateofconsciousnesscouldbeharnessedasanimportant

resourceforhealing—forbreakingdestructivepatternsofthoughtand

proposingnewperspectivesintheirplace.Researchersmightpreferto

callthisamanipulationofsetandsetting,whichisaccurateenough,but

Hubbard’sgreatestcontributiontomodernpsychedelictherapywasto

introducethetried-and-truetoolsofshamanism,oratleasta

Westernizedversionofit.

•••

WITHINAFEWYEARS,Hubbardhadmadetheacquaintanceofjustabout

everybodyinthepsychedelicresearchcommunityinNorthAmerica,

leavinganindelibleimpressiononeveryonehemet,alongwithatrailof

therapeutictipsandampulesofSandozLSD.Bythelate1950s,hehad

becomeakindofpsychedeliccircuitrider.Oneweekhemightbein

Weyburn,assistingHumphryOsmondandAbramHofferintheirwork

withalcoholics,whichwasearningtheminternationalattention.From

theretoManhattan,tomeetwithR.GordonWasson,andthenastopon

hiswaybackwesttoadministerLSDtoaVIPorcheckinonaresearch

groupworkinginChicago.ThenextweekmightfindhiminLosAngeles,

conductingLSDsessionswithBettyEisner,SidneyCohen,orOscar

Janiger,freelysharinghistreatmenttechniquesandsuppliesofLSD.

(“Wewaitedforhimlikethelittleoldladyontheprairiewaitingfora

copyoftheSearsRoebuckcatalog,”OscarJanigerrecalledyearslater.)

AndthenitwasbacktoVancouver,wherehehadpersuadedHollywood

HospitaltodedicateanentirewingtotreatingalcoholicswithLSD.*

HubbardwouldoftenflyhisplanedowntoLosAngelestodiscreetlyferry

HollywoodcelebritiesuptoVancouverfortreatment.Itwasthissideline

thatearnedhimthenicknameCaptainTrips.Hubbardalsoestablished

twootheralcoholismtreatmentfacilitiesinCanada,whereheregularly

conductedLSDsessionsandreportedimpressiveratesofsuccess.LSD

treatmentforalcoholismusingtheHubbardmethodbecameabusiness

inCanada.ButHubbardbelieveditwasunethicaltoprofitfromLSD,

whichledtotensionsbetweenhimandsomeoftheinstitutionshe

workedwith,becausetheywerechargingpatientsupwardsoffive

hundreddollarsforanLSDsession.ForHubbard,psychedelictherapy

wasaformofphilanthropy,andhedrainedhisfortuneadvancingthe

cause.

AlHubbardmovedbetweenthesefar-flungcentersofresearchlikea

kindofpsychedelichoneybee,disseminatinginformation,chemicals,and

clinicalexpertisewhilebuildingwhatbecameanextensivenetwork

acrossNorthAmerica.Intime,hewouldaddMenloParkandCambridge

tohiscircuit.ButwasHubbardjustspreadinginformation,orwashealso

collectingitandpassingitontotheCIA?Wasthepollinatoralsoaspy?

It’simpossibletosayforcertain;somepeoplewhoknewHubbard(like

JamesFadiman)thinkit’sentirelyplausible,whileothersaren’tsosure,

pointingtothefacttheCaptainoftencriticizedtheCIAforusingLSDasa

weapon.“TheCIAworkstinks,”hetoldOscarJanigerinthelate1970s.

Hubbardwasreferringtotheagency’sMK-Ultraresearchprogram,

whichsince1953hadbeentryingtofigureoutwhetherLSDcouldbe

usedasanonlethalweaponofwar(by,say,dumpingitinanadversary’s

watersupply),atruthserumininterrogations,ameansofmindcontrol,*

oradirtytricktoplayonunfriendlyforeignleaders,causingthemtoact

orspeakinembarrassingways.Noneoftheseschemespannedout,at

leastasfarasweknow,andallreflectedaresearchagendathatremained

stuckonthepsychotomimeticmodellongafterotherresearchershad

abandonedit.Alongtheway,theCIAdoseditsownemployeesand

unwittingcivilianswithLSD;inonenotoriouscasethatdidn’tcometo

lightuntilthe1970s,theCIAadmittedtosecretlygivingLSDtoanarmy

biologicalweaponsspecialistnamedFrankOlsonin1953;afewdays

later,Olsonsupposedlyjumpedtohisdeathfromthethirteenthfloorof

theStatlerHotelinNewYork.(OthersbelieveOlsonwaspushedandthat

theCIA’sadmission,embarrassingasitwas,wasactuallyacover-upfora

crimefarmoreheinous.)ItcouldbeOlsonwhomAlHubbardwas

referringtowhenhesaid,“Itriedtotellthemhowtouseit,buteven

whentheywerekillingpeople,youcouldn’ttellthemagoddamned

thing.”

AregularstoponHubbard’svisitstoLosAngeleswasthehomeof

AldousandLauraHuxley.HuxleyandHubbardhadformedthemost

unlikelyoffriendshipsafterHubbardintroducedtheauthortoLSD—and

theHubbardmethod—in1955.Theexperienceputtheauthor’s1953

mescalinetripintheshade.AsHuxleywrotetoOsmondinitsaftermath,

“Whatcamethroughthecloseddoorwastherealization...thedirect,

totalawareness,fromtheinside,sotosay,ofLoveastheprimaryand

fundamentalcosmicfact.”Theforceofthisinsightseemedalmostto

embarrassthewriterinitsbaldness:“Thewords,ofcourse,haveakindof

indecencyandmustnecessarilyringfalse,seemliketwaddle.Butthefact

remains.”

Huxleyimmediatelyrecognizedthevalueofanallyasskilledinthe

waysoftheworldasthemanhelikedtocall“thegoodCaptain.”Asso

oftenseemstohappen,theManofLettersbecamesmittenwiththeMan

ofAction.

“WhatBabesintheWoodsweliterarygentsandprofessionalmen

are!”HuxleywrotetoOsmondaboutHubbard.“ThegreatWorld

occasionallyrequiresyourservices,ismildlyamusedbymine,butitsfull

attentionanddeferencearepaidtoUraniumandBigBusiness.Sowhat

extraordinaryluckthatthisrepresentativeofboththeseHigherPowers

should(a)havebecomesopassionatelyinterestedinmescalineand(b)

besuchaveryniceman.”

NeitherHuxleynorHubbardwasparticularlydedicatedtomedicineor

science,soit’snotsurprisingthatovertimetheirprimaryinterestwould

driftfromthetreatmentofindividualswithpsychologicalproblemstoa

desiretotreatthewholeofsociety.(Thisaspirationseemseventuallyto

infecteveryonewhoworkswithpsychedelics,touchingscientists,too,

includingonesasdifferentintemperamentasTimothyLearyandRoland

Griffiths.)Butpsychologicalresearchproceedspersonbypersonand

experimentbyexperiment;thereisnoreal-worldmodelforusingadrug

tochangeallofsocietyasHubbardandHuxleydeterminedtodo,with

theresultthatthescientificmethodbegantofeeltothem,asitlater

wouldtoLeary,likeastraitjacket.

InthewakeofhisfirstLSDexperience,HuxleywrotetoOsmond

suggestingthat“who,havingoncecometotherealizationofthe

primordialfactofunityinlove,wouldeverwanttoreturnto

experimentationonthepsychiclevel?...Mypointisthattheopeningof

thedoorbymescalin[e]orLSDistoopreciousanopportunity,toohigha

privilegetobeneglectedforthesakeofexperimentation.”Ortobe

limitedtosickpeople.Osmondwasactuallysympathetictothis

viewpoint—afterall,hehadadministeredmescalinetoHuxley,hardlya

controlledexperiment—andheparticipatedinmanyofHubbard’s

sessionsturningontheBestandBrightest.ButOsmondwasn’tprepared

toabandonscienceormedicineforwhateverHuxleyandHubbard

imaginedmightlaybeyondit.

In1955,AlHubbardsoughttoescapethescientificstraitjacketand

formalizehisnetworkofpsychedelicresearchersbyestablishing

somethinghecalledtheCommissionfortheStudyofCreative

Imagination.Thenamereflectedhisowndesiretotakehisworkwith

psychedelicsbeyondthelimitsofmedicineanditsfocusontheill.To

serveonthecommission’sboard,HubbardrecruitedOsmond,Hoffer,

Huxley,andCohen,aswellashalfadozenotherpsychedelicresearchers,

aphilosopher(GeraldHeard),andaUNofficial;henamedhimself

“scientificdirector.”

(WhatdidthesepeoplethinkofHubbardandhisgrandiosetitle,not

tomentionhisphonyacademiccredentials?Theywereatonceindulgent

andfullofadmiration.AfterBettyEisnerwrotealettertoOsmond

expressingdiscomfortwithsomeofHubbard’srepresentations,he

suggestedshethinkofhimasakindofChristopherColumbus:

“Explorershavenotalwaysbeenthemostscientific,excellentorwholly

detachedpeople.”)

Itisn’tclearhowmuchmoretherewastotheCommissionforthe

StudyofCreativeImaginationthanafancyletterhead,butitsvery

existencesignaledadeepeningfissurebetweenthemedicalandthe

spiritualapproachtopsychedelics.(SidneyCohen,everambivalenton

questionsofscienceversusmysticism,abruptlyresignedin1957,onlya

yearafterjoiningtheboard.)Histitleas“scientificdirector”

notwithstanding,Hubbardhimselfsaidduringthisperiod,“Myregard

forscience,asanendwithinitself,isdiminishingastimegoeson...

whenthethingIwantwithallofmybeing,issomethingthatlivesfar

outsideandoutofreachofempiricalmanipulation.”LongbeforeLeary,

theshiftintheobjectiveofpsychedelicresearchfrompsychotherapyto

culturalrevolutionwaswellunderway.

•••

ONELASTNODEworthvisitinginAlHubbard’sfar-flungpsychedelic

networkisSiliconValley,wherethepotentialforLSDtofoster“creative

imagination”andtherebychangetheculturereceiveditsmostthorough

testtodate.Indeed,theseedsthatHubbardplantedinSiliconValley

continuetoyieldinterestingfruit,intheformofthevalley’songoing

interestinpsychedelicsasatoolforcreativityandinnovation.(AsIwrite,

thepracticeofmicrodosing—takingatiny,“subperceptual”regulardose

ofLSDasakindofmentaltonic—isalltherageinthetechcommunity.)

SteveJobsoftentoldpeoplethathisexperimentswithLSDhadbeenone

ofhistwoorthreemostimportantlifeexperiences.HelikedtotauntBill

Gatesbysuggesting,“He’dbeabroaderguyifhehaddroppedacidonce

orgoneofftoanashramwhenhewasyounger.”(Gateshassaidhedidin

facttryLSD.)Itmightnotbeastraightone,butitispossibletodrawa

lineconnectingAlHubbard’sarrivalinSiliconValleywithhissatchelful

ofLSDtothetechboomthatSteveJobshelpedsetoffaquartercentury

later.

ThekeyfigureinthemarriageofAlHubbardandSiliconValleywas

MyronStolaroff.Stolaroffwasagiftedelectricalengineerwho,bythe

mid-1950s,hadbecomeassistanttothepresidentforstrategicplanning

atAmpex,oneofthefirsttechnologycompaniestosetupshopinwhatat

thetimewasasleepyvalleyoffarmsandorchards.(Itwouldn’tbecalled

SiliconValleyuntil1971.)Ampex,whichatitspeakhadthirteenthousand

employees,wasapioneerinthedevelopmentofreel-to-reelmagnetic

tapeforbothaudioanddatarecording.BorninRoswell,NewMexico,in

1920,StolaroffstudiedengineeringatStanfordandwasoneofAmpex’s

veryfirstemployees,afactthatwouldmakehimawealthyman.

NominallyJewish,hewasbyhisthirtiesaspiritualseekerwhosepath

eventuallyledhimtoGeraldHeard,theEnglishphilosopherandfriendof

AldousHuxley’s.StolaroffwassomovedbyHeard’sdescriptionofhis

LSDexperiencewithAlHubbardthatinMarch1956hetraveledto

VancouverforasessionwiththeCaptaininhisapartment.

Sixty-sixmicrogramsofSandozLSDlaunchedStolaroffonajourney

byturnsterrifyingandecstatic.Overthecourseofseveralhours,he

witnessedtheentirehistoryoftheplanetfromitsformationthroughthe

developmentoflifeonearthandtheappearanceofhumankind,

culminatinginthetraumaofhisownbirth.(Thisseemstohavebeena

commontrajectoryofHubbard-guidedtrips.)“Thatwasaremarkable

openingforme,”hetoldanintervieweryearslater,“atremendous

opening.Irelivedaverypainfulbirthexperiencethathaddetermined

almostallmypersonalityfeatures.ButIalsoexperiencedtheonenessof

mankind,andtherealityofGod.Iknewthatfromthenon...Iwouldbe

totallycommittedtothiswork.

“AfterthatfirstLSDexperience,Isaid,‘thisisthegreatestdiscovery

manhasevermade.’”

Stolaroffsharedthenewswithasmallnumberofhisfriendsand

colleaguesatAmpex.Theybeganmeetingeverymonthorsotodiscuss

spiritualquestionsandthepotentialofLSDtohelpindividuals—healthy

individuals—realizetheirfullpotential.DonAllen,ayoungAmpex

engineer,andWillisHarman,aprofessorofelectricalengineeringat

Stanford,joinedthegroup,andAlHubbardbegancomingdowntoMenlo

Parktoguidethemembersonpsychedelicjourneysandthentrainthem

toguideothers.“Asatherapist,”Stolaroffrecalled,“hewasoneofthe

best.”

ConvincedofthepowerofLSDtohelppeopletranscendtheir

limitations,Stolarofftriedforatime,withHubbard’shelp,toreshape

Ampexastheworld’sfirst“psychedeliccorporation.”Hubbardconducted

aseriesofweeklyworkshopsatheadquartersandadministeredLSDto

companyexecutivesatasiteintheSierra.Buttheprojectfoundered

whenthecompany’sgeneralmanager,whowasJewish,objectedtothe

imagesofChrist,theVirginMary,andtheLastSupperthatHubbard

insistedonbringingintohisoffice.Aroundthesametime,WillisHarman

shiftedthefocusofhisteachingatStanford,offeringanewclasson“the

humanpotential”thatendedwithaunitonpsychedelics.Theengineers

weregettingreligion.(Andhaveitstill:IknowofoneBayAreatech

companytodaythatusespsychedelicsinitsmanagementtraining.A

handfulofothershaveinstituted“microdosingFridays.”)

In1961,StolaroffleftAmpextodedicatehimselffull-timeto

psychedelicresearch.WithWillisHarman,heestablishedtheorotundly

titledInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS)toexplorethe

potentialofLSDtoenhancehumanpersonalityandcreativity.Stolaroff

hiredapsychiatristnamedCharlesSavageasmedicaldirectorand,as

staffpsychologist,afirst-yeargraduatestudentbythenameofJames

Fadiman.(Fadiman,whograduatedfromHarvardin1960,was

introducedtopsilocybinbyRichardAlpert,thoughnotuntilafterhis

graduation.“Thegreatestthingintheworldhashappenedtome,”Alpert

toldhisformerstudent,“andIwanttoshareitwithyou.”)DonAllenalso

lefthisengineeringpostatAmpextojoinIFASasascreenerandguide.

ThefoundationsecuredadrugresearchpermitfromtheFDAanda

supplyofLSDandmescalinefromAlHubbardandbegan—touseanAl

Hubbardterm—“processingclients.”Overthenextsixyears,the

foundationwouldprocesssome350people.

AsJamesFadimanandDonAllenrecallthoseyearsatthefoundation

(bothsatforextensiveinterviews),itwasathrillingandheadytimetobe

workingonwhattheywereconvincedwasthefrontierofhuman

possibility.Forthemostpart,theirexperimentalsubjectswere“healthy

normals”orwhatFadimandescribedas“ahealthyneuroticoutpatient

population.”Eachclientpaidfivehundreddollarsforapackagethat

includedbefore-and-afterpersonalitytesting,aguidedLSDsession,and

somefollow-up.AlHubbard“wouldfloatinandout,”DonAllenrecalls.

He“wasbothourinspirationandourresidentexpert.”JamesFadiman

says,“HewasthehiddenforcebehindtheMenloParkresearch.”From

timetotime,HubbardwouldtakemembersofthestafftoDeathValley

fortrainingsessions,inthebeliefthattheprimordiallandscapetherewas

particularlyconducivetorevelatoryexperience.

Inhalfadozenorsopaperspublishedintheearly1960s,the

foundation’sresearchersreportedsomeprovocative“results.”Seventy-

eightpercentofclientssaidtheexperiencehadincreasedtheirabilityto

love,71percentregisteredanincreaseinself-esteem,and83percentsaid

thatduringtheirsessionstheyhadglimpsed“ahigherpower,orultimate

reality.”Thosewhohadsuchanexperienceweretheoneswhoreported

themostlastingbenefitsfromtheirsession.DonAllentoldmethatmost

clientsemergedwith“notableandfairlysustainablechangesinbeliefs,

attitudes,andbehavior,wayabovestatisticalprobability.”Specifically,

theybecame“muchlessjudgmental,muchlessrigid,moreopen,andless

defended.”Butitwasn’tallsweetnessandlight:severalclientsabruptly

brokeoffmarriagesaftertheirsessions,nowbelievingtheywere

mismatchedortrappedindestructivepatternsofbehavior.

ThefoundationalsoconductedstudiestodetermineifLSDcouldin

factenhancecreativityandproblemsolving.“Thiswasn’tatallobvious,”

JamesFadimanpointsout,“sincetheexperienceissopowerful,you

mightjustwanderoffandlosetrackofwhatyouweretryingto

accomplish.”Sototesttheirhypothesis,Fadimanandhiscolleagues

startedwiththemselves,seeingiftheycoulddesignacrediblecreativity

experimentwhileonarelativelylightdoseofLSD—ahundred

micrograms.Perhapsnotsurprisingly,theydeterminedthattheycould.

Workingingroupsoffour,JamesFadimanandWillisHarman

administeredthesamedoseofLSDtoartists,engineers,architects,and

scientists,allofwhomweresomehow“stuck”intheirworkona

particularproject.“Weusedeverymanipulationofsetandsettinginthe

book,”Fadimanrecalled,tellingsubjects“theywouldbefascinatedby

theirintellectualcapacitiesandwouldsolveproblemsasneverbefore.”

Subjectsreportedmuchgreaterfluidityintheirthinking,aswellasan

enhancedabilitytobothvisualizeaproblemandrecontextualizeit.“We

wereamazed,aswereourparticipants,athowmanynovelandeffective

solutionscameoutofoursessions,”Fadimanwrote.Amongtheir

subjectsweresomeofthevisionarieswhointhenextfewyearswould

revolutionizecomputers,includingWilliamEnglishandDoug

Engelbart.*Thereareallsortsofproblemswiththisstudy—itwasnot

controlled,itreliedonthesubjects’ownassessmentsoftheirsuccess,and

itwashaltedbeforeitcouldbecompleted—butitdoesatleastpointtoa

promisingavenueforresearch.

Thefoundationhadclosedupshopby1966,butHubbard’sworkin

SiliconValleywasnotquiteover.Inoneofthemoremysteriousepisodes

ofhiscareer,HubbardwascalledoutofsemiretirementbyWillis

Harmanin1968.AfterIFASdisbanded,Harmanhadgonetoworkatthe

StanfordResearchInstitute(SRI),aprestigiousthinktankaffiliatedwith

StanfordUniversityandarecipientofcontractsfromseveralbranchesof

thefederalgovernment,includingthemilitary.Harmanwasputin

chargeofSRI’sEducationalPolicyResearchCenter,withamandateto

envisioneducation’sfuture.LSDbynowwasillegalbutstillverymuchin

useinthecommunityofengineersandacademicsinandaround

Stanford.

Hubbard,whobynowwasbroke,washiredasapart-time“special

investigativeagent,”ostensiblytokeeptabsontheuseofdrugsinthe

studentmovement.Harman’sletterofemploymenttoHubbardisboth

obscureandsuggestive:“Ourinvestigationsofsomeofthecurrentsocial

movementsaffectingeducationindicatethatthedruguseprevalent

amongstudentmembersoftheNewLeftisnotentirelyundesigned.

Someofitappearstobepresentasadeliberateweaponaimedatpolitical

change.Weareconcernedwithassessingthesignificanceofthisasit

impactsonmattersoflong-rangeeducationalpolicy.Inthisconnectionit

wouldbeadvantageoustohaveyouconsideredinthecapacityofaspecial

investigativeagentwhomighthaveaccesstorelevantdatawhichisnot

ordinarilyavailable.”Thoughnotmentionedintheletter,Hubbard’s

servicestoSRIalsoincludedusinghisextensivegovernmentcontactsto

keepcontractsflowing.SoAlHubbardonceagaindonnedhiskhaki

security-guarduniform,completewithgoldbadge,sidearm,andabelt

studdedwithbullets,andgotbacktowork.

Buttheuniformandthe“specialagent”titlewereallacover,andan

audaciousoneatthat.

Asavocalenemyoftherisingcounterculture,it’sentirelypossible

HubbarddidinvestigateillegaldruguseoncampusforSRI(orothers*),

butifhedid,hewasonceagainworkingbothsidesofthestreet.For

thoughthelegalstatusofLSDhadchangedby1968,Hubbardand

Harman’smission—“toprovidethe[LSD]experiencetopoliticaland

intellectualleadersaroundtheworld”—apparentlyhadnot.Thework

mightwellhavecontinued,justmorequietlyandbeneathacoverstory.

ForasWillisHarmantoldToddBrendanFaheyina1990interviewand

asaformerSRIemployeeconfirmed,“Alneverdidanythingresembling

securitywork.

“Al’sjobwastorunthespecialsessionsforus.”

ThatformerSRIemployeeisPeterSchwartz,anengineerwhobecame

aleadingfuturist;heiscurrentlyseniorvicepresidentforgovernment

relationsandstrategicplanningatSalesforce.com.In1973,Schwartz

wenttoworkforWillisHarmanatSRI,hisfirstjoboutofgraduate

school.Bythen,AlHubbardwasmoreorlessretired,andSchwartzwas

givenhisoffice.Onthewallabovethedeskhungalargephotographof

RichardNixon,inscribed“tomygoodfriend,Al,forallyouryearsof

service,yourfriend,Dick.”Apileofmailaccumulatedinthein-box,with

lettersaddressedtoA.M.Hubbardfromallovertheworld,including,he

recalled,onefromGeorgeBush,thefutureCIAdirector,whoatthetime

wasservingasheadoftheRepublicanNationalCommittee.

“Whowasthisfellow?”Schwartzwondered.Andthenonedaythis

roundfellowwithagraycrewcut,dressedinasecurityguard’suniform

andcarryinga.38,showeduptoretrievehismail.

“‘I’mafriendofWillis’s,’”HubbardtoldSchwartz.“Andthenhebegan

askingmethestrangestquestions,completelywithoutcontext.‘Wheredo

youthinkyouactuallycamefrom?Whatdoyouthinkaboutthecosmos?’

Ilearnedlaterthiswashowhecheckedpeopleout,todecidewhetheror

notyouwereaworthycandidate.”

Intrigued,SchwartzaskedHarmanaboutthismysterymanand,piece

bypiece,begantoputtogethermuchofthetaleofHubbard’slife.The

youngfuturistsoonrealizedthat“mostofthepeopleIwasmeetingwho

hadinterestingideashadtrippedwithHubbard:professorsatStanford,

Berkeley,thestaffatSRI,computerengineers,scientists,writers.Andall

ofthemhadbeentransformedbytheexperience.”Schwartzsaidthat

severaloftheearlycomputerengineersreliedonLSDindesigningcircuit

chips,especiallyintheyearsbeforetheycouldbedesignedoncomputers.

“Youhadtobeabletovisualizeastaggeringcomplexityinthree

dimensions,holditallinyourhead.TheyfoundthatLSDcouldhelp.”

Schwartzeventuallyrealizedthat“everyoneinthatcommunity”—

referringtotheBayAreatechcrowdinthe1960sandearly1970s,aswell

asthepeopleinandaroundStewartBrand’sWholeEarthNetwork—“had

takenHubbardLSD.”

Whywereengineersinparticularsotakenwithpsychedelics?

Schwartz,himselftrainedasanaerospaceengineer,thinksithastodo

withthefactthatunliketheworkofscientists,whocansimplifythe

problemstheyworkon,“problemsolvinginengineeringalwaysinvolves

irreduciblecomplexity.You’realwaysbalancingcomplexvariablesyou

cannevergetperfect,soyou’redesperatelysearchingtofindpatterns.

LSDshowsyoupatterns.

“IhavenodoubtthatallthatHubbardLSDallofushadtakenhada

bigeffectonthebirthofSiliconValley.”

StewartBrandreceivedhisownbaptisminHubbardLSDatIFASin

1962,withJamesFadimanpresidingashisguide.Hisfirstexperience

withLSD“waskindofabumtrip,”herecalls,butitledtoaseriesof

otherjourneysthatreshapedhisworldviewand,indirectly,allofours.

TheWholeEarthNetworkBrandwouldsubsequentlygathertogether

(whichincludedPeterSchwartz,EstherDyson,KevinKelly,Howard

Rheingold,andJohnPerryBarlow)andplayakeyroleinredefiningwhat

computersmeantanddid,helpingtotransformthemfromatop-down

toolofthemilitary-industrialcomplex—withthecomputerpunchcarda

handysymbolofOrganizationMan—intoatoolofpersonalliberationand

virtualcommunity,withadistinctlycounterculturalvibe.Howmuchdoes

theideaofcyberspace,animmaterialrealmwhereonecanconstructa

newidentityandmergewithacommunityofvirtualothers,owetoan

imaginationshapedbytheexperienceofpsychedelics?Orforthatmatter

virtualreality?*Thewholenotionofcybernetics,theideathatmaterial

realitycanbetranslatedintobitsofinformation,mayalsoowesomething

totheexperienceofLSD,withitspowertocollapsematterintospirit.

BrandthinksLSD’svaluetohiscommunitywasasaninstigatorof

creativity,onethatfirsthelpedbringthepowerofnetworkedcomputers

topeople(viaSRIcomputervisionariessuchasDougEngelbartandthe

earlyhackercommunity),butthenwassupersededbythecomputers

themselves.(“Atacertainpoint,thedrugsweren’tgettinganybetter,”

Brandsaid,“butthecomputerswere.”)AfterhisexperienceatIFAS,

BrandgotinvolvedwithKenKeseyandhisnotoriousAcidTests,which

hedescribesas“aparticipatoryartformthatleddirectlytoBurning

Man,”theannualgatheringofthearts,technology,andpsychedelic

communitiesintheNevadadesert.Inhisview,LSDwasacritical

ingredientinnourishingthespiritofcollaborativeexperiment,and

toleranceoffailure,thatdistinguishthecomputercultureoftheWest

Coast.“Itgaveuspermissiontotryweirdshitincahootswithother

people.”

Onoccasion,theLSDproducedgenuineinsight,asitdidforBrand

himselfonechillyafternooninthespringof1966.Bored,hewentuponto

theroofofhisbuildinginNorthBeachandtookahundredmicrogramsof

acid—Fadiman’screativitydose.Ashelookedtowarddowntownwhile

wrappedinablanket,itappearedthatthestreetslinedwithbuildings

werenotquiteparallel.ThismustbeduetothecurvatureofEarth,Brand

decided.ItoccurredtohimthatwhenwethinkofEarthasflat,aswe

usuallydo,weassumeitisinfinite,andwetreatitsresourcesthatway.

“Therelationshiptoinfinityistouseitup,”hethought,“butaround

earthwasafinitespaceshipyouhadtomanagecarefully.”Atleastthat’s

howitappearedtohimthatafternoon,“fromthreestoriesandone

hundredmikesup.”

Itwouldchangeeverythingifhecouldconveythistopeople!Buthow?

Heflashedonthespaceprogramandwondered,“Whyhaven’tweseena

pictureoftheearthfromspace?Ibecomefixedonthis,onhowtogetthis

photothatwouldrevolutionizeourunderstandingofourplaceinthe

universe.Iknow,I’llmakeabutton!Butwhatshoulditsay?‘Let’shavea

photooftheearthfromspace.’No,itneedstobeaquestion,andmaybea

littleparanoid—drawonthatAmericanresource.‘Whyhaven’tweseena

photographofthewholeearthyet?’”

Brandcamedownfromhisroofandlaunchedacampaignthat

eventuallyreachedthehallsofCongressandNASA.Whoknowsifitwas

thedirectresultofBrand’scampaign,buttwoyearslater,in1968,the

Apolloastronautsturnedtheircamerasaroundandgaveusthefirst

photographofEarthfromthemoon,andStewartBrandgaveusthefirst

editionoftheWholeEarthCatalog.Dideverythingchange?Thecase

couldbemadethatithad.

PartII:TheCrack-Up

TimothyLearycamelatetopsychedelics.Bythetimehelaunchedthe

HarvardPsilocybinProjectin1960,therehadalreadybeenafulldecade

ofpsychedelicresearchinNorthAmerica,withhundredsofacademic

papersandseveralinternationalconferencestoshowforit.Learyhimself

seldommadereferencetothisbodyofwork,preferringtogivethe

impressionthathisownpsychedelicresearchrepresentedaradicalnew

chapterintheannalsofpsychology.In1960,thefutureofpsychedelic

researchlookedbright.Yetwithinthebriefspanoffiveyears,thepolitical

andculturalweathercompletelyshifted,amoralpanicaboutLSD

engulfedAmerica,andvirtuallyallpsychedelicresearchandtherapywere

eitherhaltedordrivenunderground.Whathappened?

“TimothyLeary”isthetoo-obviousanswertothatquestion.Justabout

everyoneI’veinterviewedonthesubject—dozensofpeople—hasprefaced

hisorheranswerbysaying,“It’sfartooeasytoblameLeary,”before

proceedingtodopreciselythat.It’shardtoavoidtheconclusionthatthe

flamboyantpsychologyprofessorwithatropismbendinghimtowardthe

sunofpublicity,goodorbad,didgravedamagetothecauseof

psychedelicresearch.Hedid.Andyetthesocialforcesunleashedbythe

drugsthemselvesoncetheymovedfromthelaboratoryoutintothe

culturewerebiggerandstrongerthananyindividualcouldwithstand—or

takecreditfor.Withorwithouttheheedless,joyful,andamplypublicized

anticsofTimothyLeary,thesheerDionysianpowerofLSDwasitself

boundtoshakethingsupandinciteareaction.

BythetimeLearywashiredbyHarvardin1959,hehadanational

reputationasagiftedpersonalityresearcher,andyeteventhen—before

hisfirstshatteringexperiencewithpsilocybininCuernavacaduringthe

summerof1960—Learywasfeelingsomewhatdisenchantedwithhis

field.Afewyearsbefore,whileworkingasdirectorofpsychiatricresearch

atKaiserHospitalinOakland,Learyandacolleaguehadconducteda

cleverexperimenttoassesstheeffectivenessofpsychotherapy.Agroupof

patientsseekingpsychiatriccareweredividedintotwogroups;one

receivedthestandardtreatmentofthetime,theother(consistingof

peopleonawaitinglist)notreatmentatall.Afterayear,one-thirdofall

thesubjectshadimproved,one-thirdhadgottenworse,andone-third

remainedunchanged—regardlessofwhichgrouptheywerein.Whether

ornotasubjectreceivedtreatmentmadenodifferencewhatsoeverinthe

outcome.Sowhatgoodwasconventionalpsychotherapy?Psychology?

Learyhadbeguntowonder.

LearyquicklyestablishedhimselfatHarvard’sDepartmentofSocial

Relationsasadynamicandcharismatic,ifsomewhatcynical,teacher.

Thehandsomeprofessorwasagreattalker,intheexpansiveIrishmode,

andcouldcharmthepantsoffanyone,especiallywomen,forwhomhe

wasapparentlycatnip.Learyhadalwayshadaroguish,rebelliousstreak

—hewascourt-martialedduringhistimeatWestPointforviolatingthe

honorcodeandexpelledfromtheUniversityofAlabamaforspendingthe

nightinawomen’sdorm—andHarvard-the-institutionbroughtout

rebellioninhim.Learywouldspeakcynicallyofpsychologicalresearchas

a“game.”HerbertKelman,acolleagueinthedepartmentwholater

becameLeary’schiefadversary,recallsthenewprofessoras“personable”

(Kelmanhelpedhimfindhisfirsthouse)butsays,“Ihadmisgivings

abouthimfromthebeginning.Hewouldoftentalkoutofthetopofhis

headaboutthingsheknewnothingabout,likeexistentialism,andhewas

tellingourstudentspsychologywasallagame.Itseemedtomeabit

cavalierandirresponsible.”

ImetKelman,nowinhisnineties,inthesmall,overstuffedapartment

whereheliveswithhiswifeinanassisted-livingfacilityinWest

Cambridge.KelmandisplayednorancortowardLearyyetevincedlittle

respectforhimeitherasateacherorasascientist;indeed,hebelieves

Learyhadbecomedisenchantedwithsciencewellbeforepsychedelics

cameintohislife.InKelman’sopinion,evenbeforethepsilocybin,“He

wasalreadyhalfwayoffthedeepend.”

Leary’sintroductiontopsilocybin,poolsideinMexicoduringthe

summerof1960,camethreeyearsafterR.GordonWassonpublishedhis

notoriousLifemagazinearticleaboutthe“mushroomsthatcausestrange

visions.”ForLeary,themushroomsweretransformative.Inan

afternoon,hispassiontounderstandthehumanmindhadbeenreignited

—indeed,hadexploded.

“InfourhoursbytheswimmingpoolinCuernavacaIlearnedmore

aboutthemind,thebrain,anditsstructuresthanIdidinthepreceding

fifteenasadiligentpsychologist,”hewrotelaterinFlashbacks,his1983

memoir.“Ilearnedthatthebrainisanunderutilizedbiocomputer...I

learnedthatnormalconsciousnessisonedropinanoceanofintelligence.

Thatconsciousnessandintelligencecanbesystematicallyexpanded.That

thebraincanbereprogrammed.”

Learyreturnedfromhisjourneywithanirresistibleurgeto“rushback

andtelleveryone,”asherecalledinHighPriest,his1968memoir.And

theninahandfulofsentencesheslidintoapropheticvoice,oneinwhich

thewholefuturetrajectoryofTimothyLearycouldbeforetold:

Listen!Wakeup!YouareGod!YouhavetheDivineplan

engravedincellularscriptwithinyou.Listen!Takethis

sacrament!You’llsee!You’llgettherevelation!Itwill

changeyourlife!

ButatleastforthefirstyearortwoatHarvard,Learywentthroughthe

motionsofdoingscience.BackinCambridgethatfall,herecruited

RichardAlpert,apromisingassistantprofessorwhowasheirtoarailroad

fortune,and,havingsecuredthetacitapprovaloftheirdepartmentchair,

DavidMcClelland,thetwolaunchedtheHarvardPsilocybinProject,

operatingoutofatinybroomclosetofanofficeintheDepartmentof

SocialRelationsinahouseat5DivinityAvenue.(Iwentlookingforthe

house,butithaslongsincebeenrazedandreplacedbyasprawling,

block-longbricksciencebuilding.)Leary,everthesalesman,had

convincedHarvardthattheresearchheproposedtoundertakewas

squarelyinthetraditionofWilliamJames,whointheearlyyearsofthe

centuryhadalsostudiedalteredstatesofconsciousnessandmystical

experienceatHarvard.Theuniversityplacedoneconditiononthe

research:LearyandAlpertcouldgivethenewdrugstograduatestudents,

butnottoundergraduates.Beforelong,anintriguinglytitlednew

seminarshowedupintheHarvardcourselistings:

ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness

Theliteraturedescribinginternallyandexternallyinduced

changesinawarenesswillbereviewed.Thebasicelementsof

mysticalexperienceswillbestudiedcross-culturally.The

membersoftheseminarwillparticipateinexperienceswith

consciousnessexpandingmethodsandasystematicanalysis

ofattentionwillbepaidtotheproblemsofmethodologyin

thisarea.Thisseminarwillbelimitedtoadvancedgraduate

students.Admissionbyconsentoftheinstructor.

“ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness”provedtobeextremely

popular.

•••

INITSTHREEYEARSofexistence,theHarvardPsilocybinProject

accomplishedsurprisinglylittle,atleastintermsofscience.Intheirfirst

experiments,LearyandAlpertadministeredpsilocybintohundredsof

peopleofallsorts,includinghousewives,musicians,artists,academics,

writers,fellowpsychologists,andgraduatestudents,whothencompleted

questionnairesabouttheirexperiences.Accordingto“Americansand

MushroomsinaNaturalisticEnvironment:APreliminaryReport,”most

subjectshadgenerallyverypositiveandoccasionallylife-changing

experiences.

“Naturalistic”wasapt:thesesessionstookplacenotinuniversity

buildingsbutincomfortablelivingrooms,accompaniedbymusicand

candlelight,andtoacasualobservertheywouldhavelookedmorelike

partiesthanexperiments,especiallybecausetheresearchersthemselves

usuallyjoinedin.(LearyandAlperttookaheroicamountofpsilocybin

and,later,LSD.)Atleastinthebeginning,Leary,Alpert,andtheir

graduatestudentsendeavoredtowriteupaccountsoftheirownandtheir

subjects’psilocybinjourneys,asiftheywerepioneersexploringan

unmappedfrontierofconsciousnessandthepreviousdecadeofwork

surveyingthepsychedeliclandscapehadneverhappened.“Wewereon

ourown,”Learywrote,somewhatdisingenuously.“Westernliterature

hadalmostnoguides,nomaps,notextsthatevenrecognizedthe

existenceofalteredstates.”

Drawingontheirextensivefieldwork,however,Learydiddosome

originalworktheorizingtheideaof“set”and“setting,”deployingthe

wordsinthiscontextforthefirsttimeintheliterature.Theseuseful

terms,ifnottheconceptstheydenote—forwhichAlHubbarddeserves

mostofthecredit—maywellrepresentLeary’smostenduring

contributiontopsychedelicscience.LearyandAlpertpublishedahandful

ofpapersintheearlyyearsatHarvardthatarestillworthreading,both

aswell-writtenandcloselyobservedethnographiesoftheexperienceand

astextsinwhichtheearlystirringsofanewsensibilitycanbeglimpsed.

Buildingontheideathatthelife-changingexperiencesofvolunteersin

thePsilocybinProjectmighthavesomebroadersocialapplication,in

1961Learyandagraduatestudent,RalphMetzner,dreamedupamore

ambitiousresearchproject.TheConcordPrisonExperimentsoughtto

discoverifthepotentialofpsilocybintochangepersonalitycouldbeused

toreducerecidivisminapopulationofhardenedcriminals.Thatthis

audaciousexperimentevergotoffthegroundisatestimonytoLeary’s

salesmanshipandcharm,fornotonlytheprisonpsychiatristbutthe

wardenhadtosignoffonit.

Theideawastocomparetherecidivismratesoftwogroupsof

prisonersinamaximumsecurityprisoninConcord,Massachusetts.A

groupofthirty-twoinmatesreceivedpsilocybininsessionsthattook

placeintheprison,withonememberofLeary’steamtakingthedrug

withthem—soasnottocondescendtotheprisoners,Learyexplained,or

treatthemlikeguineapigs.*Theotherremainedstraightinorderto

observeandtakenotes.Asecondgroupofinmatesreceivednodrugsor

specialtreatmentofanykind.Thetwogroupswerethenfollowedfora

periodofmonthsaftertheirrelease.

Learyreportedeye-poppingresults:tenmonthsaftertheirrelease,

only25percentofthepsilocybinrecipientshadendedupbackinjail,

whilethecontrolgroupreturnedatamoretypicalrateof80percent.But

whenRickDoblinatMAPSmeticulouslyreconstructedtheConcord

experimentdecadeslater,reviewingtheoutcomessubjectbysubject,he

concludedthatLearyhadexaggeratedthedata;infact,therewasno

statisticallysignificantdifferenceintheratesofrecidivismbetweenthe

twogroups.(Evenatthetime,themethodologicalshortcomingsofthe

studyhadpromptedDavidMcClelland,thedepartmentchair,towritea

scathingmemotoMetzner.)OfLeary’sscientificwork,SidneyCohen,

himselfapsychedelicresearcher,concludedthat“itwasthesortof

researchthatmadescientistswince.”

Learyplayedamoretangentialroleinoneother,muchmorecredible

studydoneinthespringof1962:theGoodFridayExperiment,described

inchapterone.UnliketheConcordPrisonExperiment,the“Miracleat

MarshChapel,”asitbecameknown,madeagoodfaithefforttohonorthe

conventionsofthecontrolled,double-blindpsychologyexperiment.

Neithertheinvestigatorsnorthesubjects—twentydivinitystudents—

weretoldwhohadgottenthedrugandwhohadgottentheplacebo,

whichwasactive.TheGoodFridaystudywasfarfromperfect;Pahnke

suppressedthefactthatonesubjectfreakedoutandhadtobesedated.

YetPahnke’smainconclusion—thatpsilocybincanreliablyoccasiona

mysticalexperiencethatis“indistinguishablefrom,ifnotidenticalwith,”

theexperiencesdescribedintheliterature—stillstandsandhelpedto

inspirethecurrentwaveofresearch,particularlyatJohnsHopkins,

whereitwasreplicated(roughlyspeaking)in2006.

ButmostofthecreditfortheGoodFridayExperimentrightfully

belongstoWalterPahnke,notTimothyLeary,whowascriticalofits

designfromthestart;hehadtoldPahnkeitwasawasteoftimetousea

controlgrouporaplacebo.“Ifwelearnedonethingfromthat

experience,”Learylaterwrote,“itwashowfoolishitwastouseadouble-

blindexperimentwithpsychedelics.Afterfiveminutes,noone’sfooling

anyone.”

•••

BYNOW,Learyhadprettymuchlostinterestindoingscience;hewas

gettingreadytotradethe“psychologygame”forwhathewouldcallthe

“gurugame.”(PerhapsLeary’smostendearingcharactertraitwasnever

totakehimselftooseriously—evenasaguru.)Ithadbecomecleartohim

thatthespiritualandculturalimportofpsilocybinandLSDfar

outweighedanytherapeuticbenefittoindividuals.AswithHubbardand

HuxleyandOsmondbeforehim,psychedelicshadconvincedLearythat

theyhadthepowernotjusttohealpeoplebuttochangesocietyandsave

humankind,anditwashismissiontoserveastheirprophet.Itwasas

thoughthechemicalsthemselveshadhituponabrilliantschemefortheir

ownproliferation,bycolonizingthebrainsofacertaintypeof

charismaticandmessianichuman.

“Wewerethinkingfar-outhistorythoughtsatHarvard,”Learylater

wroteaboutthisperiod,“believingthatitwasatime(aftertheshallow,

nostalgicfifties)forfar-outvisions,knowingthatAmericahadrunoutof

philosophy,thatanew,empirical,tangiblemeta-physicswasdesperately

needed.”Thebombandthecoldwarformedthecrucialbackgroundto

theseideas,investingtheprojectwithurgency.

Learywasalsoencouragedinhisshiftfromscientisttoevangelistby

someoftheartistsheturnedon.InonenotablesessionathisNewton

homeinDecember1960,LearygavepsilocybintotheBeatpoetAllen

Ginsberg,amanwhoneedednochemicalinducementtoplaytheroleof

visionaryprophet.Towardtheendofanecstatictrip,Ginsbergstumbled

downstairs,tookoffallhisclothes,andannouncedhisintentiontomarch

nakedthroughthestreetsofNewtonpreachingthenewgospel.

“We’regoingtoteachpeopletostophating,”Ginsbergsaid,“starta

peaceandlovemovement.”Youcanalmosthearinhiswordsthe1960s

beingborn,thestill-damp,Day-Glochickcrackingoutofitsshell.When

LearymanagedtopersuadeGinsbergnottoleavethehouse(amongother

issues,itwasDecember),thepoetgotonthephoneandstarteddialing

worldleaders,tryingtogetKennedy,Khrushchev,andMaoZedongon

thelinetoworkouttheirdifferences.Intheend,Ginsbergwasonlyable

toreachhisfriendJackKerouac,identifyinghimselfasGod(“that’sG-O-

D”)andtellinghimhemusttakethesemagicmushrooms.

Alongwitheveryoneelse.

GinsbergwasconvincedthatLeary,theHarvardprofessor,wasthe

perfectmantoleadthenewpsychedeliccrusade.ToGinsberg,thefact

thatthenewprophet“shouldemergefromHarvardUniversity,”thealma

materofthenewlyelectedpresident,wasacaseof“historiccomedy,”for

herewas“theoneandonlyDr.Leary,arespectablehumanbeing,a

worldlymanfacedwiththetaskofaMessiah.”Comingfromthegreat

poet,thewordslandedlikeseedsonthefertile,well-wateredsoilof

TimothyLeary’sego.(Itisoneofthemanyparadoxesofpsychedelicsthat

thesedrugscansponsoranego-dissolvingexperiencethatinsomepeople

quicklyleadstomassiveegoinflation.Havingbeenletinonagreatsecret

oftheuniverse,therecipientofthisknowledgeisboundtofeelspecial,

chosenforgreatthings.)

HuxleyandHubbardandOsmondsharedLeary’ssenseofhistorical

mission,buttheyhadaverydifferentideaofhowbesttofulfillit.The

threewereinclinedtoamoresupply-sidekindofspiritualism—firstyou

mustturnontheelite,andthenletthenewconsciousnessfilterdownto

themasses,whomightnotbereadytoabsorbsuchashattering

experienceallatonce.TheirunspokenmodelwastheEleusinian

mysteries,inwhichtheGreekelitegatheredinsecrettoingestthesacred

kykeonandshareanightofrevelation.ButLearyandGinsberg,both

firmlyintheAmericangrain,weredeterminedtodemocratizethe

visionaryexperience,maketranscendenceavailabletoeveryonenow.

Surelythatwasthegreatblessingofpsychedelics:forthefirsttime,there

wasatechnologythatmadethispossible.YearslaterLesterGrinspoon,a

Harvardprofessorofpsychiatry,capturedtheethosnicelyinabookhe

wrotewithJamesBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered:“Psychedelic

drugsopenedtomasstourismmentalterritoriespreviouslyexploredonly

bysmallpartiesofparticularlyintrepidadventurers,mainlyreligious

mystics.”AswellasvisionaryartistslikeWilliamBlake,WaltWhitman,

andAllenGinsberg.Now,withapillorsquareofblotterpaper,anyone

couldexperiencefirsthandexactlywhatintheworldBlakeandWhitman

weretalkingabout.

Butthisnewformofspiritualmasstourismhadnotyetreceivedmuch

advertisingorpromotionbeforethespringof1962.That’swhennewsof

controversysurroundingtheHarvardPsilocybinProjectfirsthitthe

newspapers,beginningwithHarvard’sownstudentpaper,theCrimson.

HarvardbeingHarvard,andLearyLeary,thestoryquicklyspreadtothe

nationalpress,turningthepsychologyprofessorintoacelebrityand

hasteninghis,andAlpert’s,departurefromHarvard,inascandalthat

bothprefiguredandhelpedfuelthebacklashagainstpsychedelicsthat

wouldsoonclosedownmostresearch.

LearyandAlpert’scolleagueshadbeenuncomfortableaboutthe

HarvardPsilocybinProjectalmostfromthestart.A1961memofrom

DavidMcClellandhadraisedquestionsabouttheabsenceofcontrolsin

LearyandAlpert’s“naturalistic”studiesaswellasthelackofmedical

supervisionandthefactthattheinvestigatorsinsistedontakingthe

drugswiththeirsubjects,ofwhomtherewerehundreds.(“Howoften

shouldapersontakepsilocybin?”heasked,referringtoLearyand

Alpert.)McClellandalsocalledthetworesearchersoutontheir

“philosophicalnaivete.”

“Manyreportsaregivenofdeepmysticalexperiences,”hewrote,“but

theirchiefcharacteristicisthewonderatone’sownprofundity.”The

followingyear,inadetailedcritiqueofRalphMetzner’sConcordPrison

Experiment,McClellandaccusedthegraduatestudentoffailingto

“analyz[e]yourdataobjectivelyandcarefully.Youknowwhatthe

conclusionsaretobe...andthedataaresimplyusedtosupportwhat

youalreadyknowtobetrue.”NodoubtthepopularityofthePsilocybin

Projectamongthedepartment’sstudents,aswellasitscliquishness,

rankledtherestofthefaculty,whohadtocompetewithLearyandAlpert

andtheirdrugsforapreciousacademicresource:talentedgraduate

students.

Butthesegrievancesdidn’tleavethepremisesof5DivinityAvenue—

notuntilMarch1962.That’swhenMcClelland,respondingtoarequest

byHerbKelman,calledameetingofthefacultyandstudentstoair

concernsaboutthePsilocybinProject.Kelmanaskedforthemeeting

becausehehadheardfromhisgraduatestudentsthatakindofculthad

formedaroundAlpertandLeary,andsomestudentsfeltpressureto

participateinthedrugtaking.EarlyinthemeetingKelmantookthefloor:

“IwishIcouldtreatthisasscholarlydisagreement,butthisworkviolates

thevaluesoftheacademiccommunity.Thewholeprogramhasananti-

intellectualatmosphere.Itsemphasisisonpureexperience,noton

verbalizingfindings.

“I’malsosorrytosaythatDr.LearyandDr.Alperthavetakenavery

nonchalantattitudetowardtheseexperiments—especiallyconsidering

theeffectsthesedrugsmighthaveonthesubjects.

“Whatmostconcernsme,”Kelmanconcluded,“andotherswhohave

cometome,ishowthehallucinogenicandmentaleffectsofthesedrugs

havebeenusedtoformakindof‘insider’sectwithinthedepartment.

Thosewhochoosenottoparticipatearelabeledas‘squares.’Ijustdon’t

thinkthatkindofthingshouldbeencouragedinthisdepartment.”

PsychedelicdrugshaddividedaHarvarddepartmentjustastheywould

soondividetheculture.

Alpertrespondedforcefully,claimingtheworkwas“rightinthe

traditionofWilliamJames,”thedepartment’spresidingdeity,andthat

Kelman’scritiqueamountedtoanattackonacademicfreedom.ButLeary

tookamoreconciliatoryapproach,consentingtoafewreasonable

restrictionsontheresearch.Everyonewenthomethinkingthematter

hadbeenclosed.

Untilthefollowingmorning.

Theroomhadbeensocompletelyjammedwithfacultyandstudents

thatnoonenoticedthepresenceofanundergraduatereporterfromthe

CrimsonnamedRobertEllisSmith,furiouslytakingnotes.Thenextday’s

Crimsonputthecontroversyonpage1:“PsychologistsDisagreeon

PsilocybinResearch.”Thedayafterthat,thestorywaspickedupbythe

BostonHerald,aHearstpaper,andgivenamuchpunchierifnotquiteas

accurateheadline:“HallucinationDrugFoughtatHarvard—350Students

TakePills.”Nowthestorywasout,andverysoonTimothyLeary,always

happytosupplyareporterwithadelectablyoutrageousquote,was

famous.Hedeliveredaparticularlychoiceoneaftertheuniversityforced

himtoputhissupplyofSandozpsilocybinpillsunderthecontrolof

HealthServices:“Psychedelicdrugscausepanicandtemporaryinsanity

inpeoplewhohavenottakenthem.”

Bytheendoftheyear,LearyandAlperthadconcludedthat“these

materialsaretoopowerfulandtoocontroversialtoberesearchedina

universitysetting.”TheyannouncedinalettertotheCrimsontheywere

formingsomethingcalledtheInternationalFederationforInternal

Freedom(IFIF)andhenceforthwouldbeconductingresearchunderits

umbrellaratherthanHarvard’s.Theydecriedthenewrestrictionsplaced

onpsychedelicresearch,notonlyatHarvard,butbythefederal

government:inthewakeofthethalidomidetragedy,inwhichanew

sedativegiventopregnantwomenformorningsicknesshadcaused

terriblebirthdefectsintheirchildren,CongresshadgiventheFDA

authoritytoregulateexperimentaldrugs.“ForthefirsttimeinAmerican

history,”theIFIFannounced,“andforthefirsttimeintheWesternworld

sincetheInquisitiontherenowexistsascientificunderground.”They

predictedthat“amajorcivillibertiesissueofthenextdecadewillbethe

controlandexpansionofconsciousness.”

“Whocontrolsyourcortex?”theywroteintheirlettertotheCrimson—

whichistosay,tostudents.“Whodecidesontherangeandlimitsofyour

awareness?Ifyouwanttoresearchyourownnervoussystem,expand

yourconsciousness,whoistodecidethatyoucan’tandwhy?”

It’softensaidthatinthe1960spsychedelics“escapedfromthe

laboratory,”butitwouldprobablybemoreaccuratetosaytheywere

thrownoverthelaboratorywall,andneverwithasmuchloftorvelocity

asbyTimothyLearyandRichardAlpertattheendof1962.“We’re

throughplayingthesciencegame,”LearytoldMcClellandwhenhe

returnedtoCambridgethatfall.Now,LearyandAlpertwereplayingthe

gameofculturalrevolution.

•••

THELARGERCOMMUNITYofpsychedelicresearchersacrossNorthAmerica

reactedtoLeary’sprovocationswithdismayandthenalarm.Learyhad

beeninregularcontactwiththeWestCoastandCanadiangroups,

exchanginglettersandvisitswithhisfar-flungcolleaguesonafairly

regularbasis.(HeandAlperthadpaidavisittoStolaroff’sfoundationin

1960or1961;“Ithinktheythoughtweweretoostraitlaced,”DonAllen

toldme.)SoonafterarrivingatHarvard,Learyhadgottentoknow

Huxley,whowasteachingforasemesteratMIT.Huxleyhadbecome

extremelyfondoftheroguishprofessor,andsharedhisaspirationsfor

psychedelicsasanagentofculturaltransformation,butworriedthat

Learywasmovingtoofastandtooflagrantly.*Duringhislastvisitto

Cambridge(HuxleywoulddieinLosAngelesinNovember1963,onthe

samedayasJohnF.Kennedy),HuxleyfeltthatLeary“hadtalkedsuch

nonsense...thatIbecamequiteconcerned.Notabouthissanity—

becauseheisperfectlysane—butabouthisprospectsintheworld.”

SoonafterLearyannouncedtheformationoftheInternational

FederationforInternalFreedom,HumphryOsmondtraveledto

Cambridgetotrytotalksomesenseintohim.HeandAbramHofferwere

worriedthatLeary’spromotionofthedrugsoutsidethecontextofclinical

researchthreatenedtoprovokethegovernmentandupendtheirown

research.OsmondalsofaultedLearyforworkingwithouta

psychopharmacologistandfortreatingthese“powerfulchemicals[as]

harmlesstoys.”Hopingtodistanceseriousresearchfromirresponsible

use,andtroubledthatthecounterculturewascontaminatinghisformerly

neutralterm“psychedelic,”Osmondtriedonceagaintocoinanewone:

“psychodelytic.”Idon’tneedtotellyouitfailedtocatchon.

“Youmustfacetheseobjectionsratherthandissipatethemwitha

smile,howevercosmic,”Osmondtoldhim.Thereitwasagain:the

indestructibleLearysmile!ButOsmondgotnothingmorethanthatfor

histroubles.

MyronStolaroffweighedinwithabluntlettertoLearydescribingthe

IFIFas“insane”andaccuratelyprophesyingthecrack-uptocome:Itwill

“wreakhavoconallofusdoingLSDworkalloverthenation...

“Tim,Iamconvincedyouareheadingforveryserioustroubleifyour

plangoesaheadasyouhavedescribedittome,anditwouldnotonly

makeagreatdealoftroubleforyou,butforallofus,andmaydo

irreparableharmtothepsychedelicfieldingeneral.”

ButwhatexactlywastheplanoftheIFIF?Learywashappytostateit

openly:tointroduceasmanyAmericansto“thestrongpsychedelics”asit

possiblycouldinordertochangethecountryonebrainatatime.Hehad

donethemathandconcludedthat“thecriticalfigureforblowingthe

mindoftheAmericansocietywouldbefourmillionLSDusersandthis

wouldhappenby1969.”

Asitwouldturnout,Leary’smathwasnotfaroff.Thoughcloserto

twomillionAmericanshadtriedLSDby1969,thiscadrehadindeed

blownthemindofAmerica,leavingthecountryinasubstantially

differentplace.

ButperhapsthemostviolentresponsetoLeary’splansforworldwide

mentalrevolutioncamefromAlHubbard,whohadalwayshadanuneasy

relationshipwiththeprofessor.ThetwohadmetsoonafterLearygotto

Harvard,whenHubbardmadethedrivetoCambridgeinhisRolls-Royce,

bringingasupplyofLSDhehopedtotradeforsomeofLeary’s

psilocybin.

“Heblewinwiththatuniform,”Learyrecalled,“layingdownthemost

incredibleatmosphereofmysteryandflamboyance,andreallyimpressive

bullshit!”—asubjectonwhichLearywascertainlyqualifiedtojudge.

Hubbard“startedname-droppinglikeyouwouldn’tbelieve...claimed

hewasfriendswiththePope.

“Thethingthatimpressedmeis,ononehandhelookedlikea

carpetbaggerconman,andontheotherhehadthesemostimpressive

peopleintheworldinhislap,basicallybackinghim.”

ButLeary’slegendarycharmneverhadmuchtractionwithHubbard,a

deeplyconservativeanddevoutmanwhodisdainedboththeglareof

publicityandthenascentcounterculture.“IlikedTimwhenwefirstmet,”

hesaidyearslater,“butIwarnedhimadozentimes”aboutstayingoutof

troubleandthepress.“Heseemedlikeawell-intentionedperson,but

thenhewentoverboard...heturnedouttobecompletelynogood.”Like

manyofhiscolleagues,HubbardstronglyobjectedtoLeary’sdo-it-

yourselfapproachtopsychedelics,especiallyhiswillingnesstodispense

withtheall-importanttrainedguide.HisattitudetowardLearymight

alsohavebeeninfluencedbyhisextensivecontactsinlawenforcement

andintelligence,whichbynowhadtheprofessorontheirradar.

AccordingtoOsmond,theCaptain’santipathytowardLearysurfaced

alarminglyduringapsychedelicsessionthetwosharedduringthisperiod

ofmountingcontroversy.“Algotgreatlypreoccupiedwiththeideahe

oughttoshootTimothy,andwhenIbegantoreasonwithhimthatthis

wouldbeaverybadidea...Ibecamemuchconcernedhemightshoot

me.”

Hubbardwasprobablyrighttothinkthatnothingshortofabulletwas

goingtostopTimothyLearynow.AsStolaroffputthematterinclosing

hislettertoLeary,“Isupposethereislittlehopethatwiththebitso

firmlyinyourmouthyoucanbedeterred.”

•••

BYTHESPRINGOF1963,LearyhadonefootoutofHarvard,skippingclasses

andvoicinghisintentiontoleaveattheendoftheschoolyear,whenhis

contractwouldbeup.ButAlperthadanewappointmentintheSchoolof

Educationandplannedtostayon—untilanotherexplosivearticleinthe

Crimsongotthembothfired.Thisonewaswrittenbyanundergraduate

namedAndrewWeil.

WeilhadarrivedatHarvardwithakeeninterestinpsychedelicdrugs

—hehaddevouredHuxley’sDoorsofPerceptioninhighschool—and

whenhelearnedaboutthePsilocybinProject,hebeatapathtoProfessor

Leary’sofficedoortoaskifhecouldparticipate.

Learyexplainedtheuniversityrulerestrictingthedrugstograduate

students.Yet,tryingtobehelpful,hetoldWeilaboutacompanyinTexas

wherehemightordersomemescalinebymail(itwasstilllegalatthe

time),whichWeilpromptlydid(usinguniversitystationery).Weil

becamefascinatedwiththepotentialofpsychedelicsandhelpedforman

undergraduatemescalinegroup.ButhewantedbadlytobepartofLeary

andAlpert’smoreexclusiveclub,sowheninthefallof1962Weilbegan

tohearaboutotherundergraduateswhohadreceiveddrugsfromRichard

Alpert,hewasindignant.HewenttohiseditorattheCrimsonand

proposedaninvestigation.

WeildevelopedleadsonahandfuloffellowstudentswhomAlperthad

turnedoninviolationofuniversityrules.(Weilwouldlaterwritethat

“studentsandotherswereusinghallucinogensforseductionsboth

heterosexualandhomosexual.”)Butthereweretwoproblemswithhis

scoop:noneofthestudentstowhomAlpertsupposedlygavedrugswere

willingtosaysoontherecord,andtheCrimson’slawyerswereworried

aboutprintingdefamatorychargesagainstprofessors.Thelawyers

advisedWeiltoturnoverhisinformationtotheadministration.Hecould

thenwriteastoryreportingonwhateveractionstheuniversitytookin

responsetothecharges,therebyreducingthenewspaper’slegalexposure.

ButWeilstillneededastudenttocomeforward.

HetraveledtoNewYorkCitytomeetwiththeprominentfatherofone

ofthem—RonnieWinston—andofferedhimadeal.AsAlperttellsthe

story,*“HewenttoHarryWinston”—thefamousFifthAvenuejeweler

—“andhesaid,‘Yoursonisgettingdrugsfromafacultymember.Ifyour

sonwilladmittothatcharge,we’llcutoutyourson’sname.Wewon’tuse

itinthearticle.’”SoyoungRonniewenttothedeanand,whenaskedifhe

hadtakendrugsfromDr.Alpert,confessed,addinganunexpectedfillip:

“Yes,sir,Idid.AnditwasthemosteducationalexperienceI’vehadat

Harvard.”

AlpertandLearyappeartobetheonlyHarvardprofessorsfiredinthe

twentiethcentury.(Technically,Learywasn’tfired,butHarvardstopped

payinghimseveralmonthsbeforehiscontractended.)Thestorybecame

nationalnews,introducingmillionsofAmericanstothecontroversy

surroundingtheseexoticnewdrugs.ItalsoearnedAndrewWeilaplum

assignmentfromLookmagazinetowriteaboutthecontroversy,which

spreadthestorystillfurther.DescribingthepsychedelicsceneatHarvard

inthethirdperson,Weilalludedto“anundergraduategroup...

conductingcovertresearchwithmescaline,”neglectingtomentionhewas

afoundingmemberofthatgroup.

Thiswasnot,sufficeittosay,AndrewWeil’sproudestmoment,and

whenIspoketohimaboutitrecently,heconfessedthathe’sfeltbadly

abouttheepisodeeversinceandhadsoughttomakeamendstoboth

LearyandRamDass.(TwoyearsafterhisdeparturefromHarvard,Alpert

embarkedonaspiritualjourneytoIndiaandreturnedasRamDass.)

LearyreadilyacceptedWeil’sapology—themanwasapparentlyincapable

ofholdingagrudge—butRamDassrefusedtotalktoWeilforyears,

whichpainedhim.ButafterRamDasssufferedastrokein1997,Weil

traveledtoHawaiitoseekhisforgiveness.RamDassfinallyrelented,

tellingWeilthathehadcometoregardbeingfiredfromHarvardasa

blessing.“Ifyouhadn’tdonewhatyoudid,”hetoldWeil,“Iwouldnever

havebecomeRamDass.”

•••

HERE,UPONTHEIREXITfromHarvard,weshouldprobablytakeourleaveof

TimothyLearyandRichardAlpert,eventhoughtheirlong,strangetrip

throughAmericanculturestillhadalong,strangewaytogo.Thetwo

wouldnowtaketheirshow(withitsnumerousex-studentsandhangers-

on)ontheroad,movingtheInternationalFederationforInternal

Freedom(whichwouldlatermorphintotheLeagueforSpiritual

Discovery)fromCambridgetoZihuatanejo,untiltheMexican

government(underpressurefromU.S.authorities)kickedthemout,then

brieflytotheCaribbeanislandofDominica,untilthatgovernmentkicked

themout,beforefinallysettlingforseveralraucousyearsinasixty-four-

roommansioninMillbrook,NewYork,ownedbyawealthypatron

namedBillyHitchcock.

Embracedbytherisingcounterculture,Learywasinvited(alongwith

AllenGinsberg)tospeakatthefirstHumanBe-IninSanFrancisco,an

eventthatdrewsometwenty-fivethousandyoungpeopletoGoldenGate

ParkinJanuary1967,totriponfreelydistributedLSDwhilelisteningto

speakersproclaimanewage.Theex-professor,whofortheoccasionhad

tradedinhisBrooksBrothersforwhiterobesandlovebeads(andflowers

inhisgrayinghair),imploredthethrongoftripping“hippies”—theterm

popularizedthatyearbythelocalnewspapercolumnistHerbCaen—to

“turnon,tunein,dropout.”Theslogan—whichheatfirstsaidhehad

thoughtupintheshowerbutyearslaterclaimedwas“giventohim”by

MarshallMcLuhan—wouldclingtoLearyfortherestofhislife,earning

himthecontemptofparentsandpoliticianstheworldover.

ButLeary’sstoryonlygetsweirder,andsadder.Soonafterhis

departurefromCambridge,thegovernment,alarmedathisgrowing

influenceonthecountry’syouth,launchedacampaignofharassment

thatculminatedinthe1966bustinLaredo;hewasdrivinghisfamilyto

Mexicoonvacation,whenabordersearchofhiscarturnedupasmall

quantityofmarijuana.Learywouldspendyearsinjailbattlingfederal

marijuanachargesandthenseveralmoreyearsonthelamasan

internationalfugitivefromjustice.Heacquiredthisstatusin1970after

hisboldescapefromaCaliforniaprison,withthehelpofthe

Weathermen,therevolutionarygroup.Hiscomradesmanagedtospirit

LearyoutofthecountrytoAlgeria,intothearmsofEldridgeCleaver,the

BlackPanther,whohadestablishedabaseofoperationsthere.But

asylumunderCleaverturnedouttobenopicnic:thePantherconfiscated

hispassport,effectivelyholdingLearyhostage.Learyhadtoescapeyet

again,thistimemakinghiswaytoSwitzerland(wherehefoundluxurious

refugeinthechaletofanarmsdealer),then(aftertheU.S.government

persuadedSwitzerlandtojailhim)ontoVienna,Beirut,andKabul,

wherehewasfinallyseizedbyU.S.agentsandremandedtoanAmerican

prison,nowmaximumsecurityand,foratime,solitaryconfinement.But

thepersecutiononlyfedhissenseofdestiny.

Therestofhislifeisanimprobable1960stragicomedyfeaturing

plentyofcourtroomsandjails(twenty-nineinall)butalsomemoirsand

speechesandtelevisionappearances,acampaignforgovernorof

California(forwhichJohnLennonwrote,andtheBeatlesrecorded,the

campaignsong,“ComeTogether”),andasuccessfulifsomewhatpathetic

runonthecollegelecturecircuitteamedupwithG.GordonLiddy.Yes,

theWatergateburglar,whoinanearlierincarnationasDutchessCounty

assistantDAhadbustedLearyatMillbrook.Throughitall,Learyremains

improbablyupbeat,neverdisplayingangeror,itwouldseemfromthe

countlessphotographsandfilmclips,forgettingMarshallMcLuhan’ssage

advicetosmilealways,nomatterwhat.

Meanwhile,beginningin1965,Leary’sformerpartnerinpsychedelic

research,RichardAlpert,wasoffonaconsiderablylesshecticspiritual

odysseytotheEast.AsRamDass,andtheauthorofthe1971classicBe

HereNow,hewouldputhisownlastingmarkonAmericanculture,

havingblazedoneofthemaintrailsbywhichEasternreligionfoundits

wayintothecountercultureandthentheso-calledNewAge.Tothe

extentthatthe1960sbirthedaformofspiritualrevivalinAmerica,Ram

Dasswasoneofitsfathers.

ButLeary’spost-Harvard“antics”arerelevanttotheextentthey

contributedtothemoralpanicthatnowengulfedpsychedelicsand

doomedtheresearch.Learybecameaposterboynotjustforthedrugs

butfortheideathatacrucialpartofthecounterculture’sDNAcouldbe

spelledoutinthelettersLSD.BeginningwithAllenGinsberg’sDecember

1960psilocybintripathishouseinNewton,Learyforgedalinkbetween

psychedelicsandthecounterculturethathasneverbeenbrokenandthat

issurelyoneofthereasonstheycametoberegardedassothreateningto

theestablishment.(Couldithavepossiblybeenotherwise?Whatifthe

culturalidentityofthedrugshadbeenshapedby,say,aconservative

CatholiclikeAlHubbard?It’sdifficulttoimaginesuchacounterhistory.)

Itdidn’thelpthatLearylikedtosaythingslike“LSDismore

frighteningthanthebomb”or“ThekidswhotakeLSDaren’tgoingto

fightyourwars.They’renotgoingtojoinyourcorporations.”Thesewere

noemptywords:beginninginthemid-1960s,tensofthousandsof

Americanchildrenactuallydiddropout,washinguponthestreetsof

Haight-AshburyandtheEastVillage.*Andyoungmenwererefusingto

gotoVietnam.ThewilltofightandtheauthorityofAuthorityhadbeen

undermined.Thesestrangenewdrugs,whichseemedtochangethe

peoplewhotookthem,surelyhadsomethingtodowithit.TimothyLeary

hadsaidso.

Butthisupheavalwouldalmostcertainlyhavehappenedwithout

TimothyLeary.Hewasbynomeanstheonlyroutebywhichpsychedelics

wereseepingintoAmericanculture;hewasjustthemostnotorious.In

1960,thesameyearLearytriedpsilocybinandlaunchedhisresearch

project,KenKesey,thenovelist,hadhisownmind-blowingLSD

experience,atripthatwouldinspirehimtospreadthepsychedelicword,

andthedrugsthemselves,aswidelyandloudlyashecould.

ItisoneofthericherironiesofpsychedelichistorythatKeseyhadhis

firstLSDexperiencecourtesyofagovernmentresearchprogram

conductedattheMenloParkVeteransHospital,whichpaidhimseventy-

fivedollarstotrytheexperimentaldrug.UnbeknownsttoKesey,hisfirst

LSDtripwasboughtandpaidforbytheCIA,whichhadsponsoredthe

MenloParkresearchaspartofitsMK-Ultraprogram,theagency’s

decade-longefforttodiscoverwhetherLSDcouldsomehowbe

weaponized.

WithKenKesey,theCIAhadturnedonexactlythewrongman.In

whatheaptlycalled“therevoltoftheguineapigs,”Keseyproceededto

organizewithhisbandofMerryPrankstersaseriesof“AcidTests”in

whichthousandsofyoungpeopleintheBayAreaweregivenLSDinan

efforttochangethemindofageneration.TotheextentthatKenKesey

andhisPrankstershelpedshapethenewzeitgeist,acasecanbemade

thattheculturalupheavalwecallthe1960sbeganwithaCIAmind-

controlexperimentgoneawry.

•••

INRETROSPECT,thepsychiatricestablishment’sreactionwasprobably

unavoidablethemomentthatHumphryOsmond,AlHubbard,and

AldousHuxleyputforwardtheirnewparadigmforpsychedelictherapyin

1956–1957.Theprevioustheoreticalmodelsusedtomakesenseofthese

drugswere,bycomparison,easytofoldintothefield’sexisting

frameworkswithoutgreatlydisturbingthestatusquo.

“Psychotomimetics”fitnicelyintothestandardpsychiatric

understandingofmentalillness—thedrugs’effectsresembledfamiliar

psychoses—and“psycholytics”couldbeincorporatedintoboththetheory

andthepracticeofpsychoanalysisasausefuladjuncttotalkingtherapy.

Butthewholeideaofpsychedelictherapyposedamuchstifferchallenge

tothefieldandtheprofession.Insteadofinterminableweeklysessions,

thenewmodeoftherapycalledforonlyasinglehigh-dosesession,aimed

atachievingakindofconversionexperienceinwhichthecustomaryroles

ofbothpatientandtherapisthadtobereimagined.

Academicpsychiatristswerealsomadeuncomfortablebythespiritual

trappingsofpsychedelictherapy.CharlesGrob,theUCLApsychiatrist

whowouldplayanimportantroleintherevivalofresearch,wroteina

1998articleonthehistoryofpsychedelicsthat“byblurringthe

boundariesbetweenreligionandscience,betweensicknessandhealth,

andbetweenhealerandsufferer,thepsychedelicmodelenteredtherealm

ofappliedmysticism”—arealmwherepsychiatry,increasinglycommitted

toabiochemicalunderstandingofthemind,wasreluctanttoventure.

Withitsemphasisonsetandsetting—whatGrobcalls“thecriticalextra-

pharmacologicalvariables”—psychedelictherapywasalsoalittletoo

closetoshamanismforcomfort.Forso-calledshrinksnotentirelysecure

intheiridentityasscientists(theslangisshortfor“headshrinkers,”

conjuringimagesofwitchdoctorsinloincloths),thiswasperhapstoofar

togo.Anotherfactorwastheriseoftheplacebo-controlleddouble-blind

trialasthe“goldstandard”fortestingdrugsinthewakeofthe

thalidomidescandal,astandarddifficultforpsychedelicresearchto

meet.

By1963,leadersoftheprofessionhadbeguneditorializingagainst

psychedelicresearchintheirjournals.RoyGrinker,theeditorofthe

ArchivesofGeneralPsychiatry,lambastedresearcherswhowere

administering“thedrugstothemselvesand...[hadbecome]enamored

withthemysticalhallucinatorystate,”thusrenderingthem“disqualified

ascompetentinvestigators.”WritingthefollowingyearintheJournalof

theAmericanMedicalAssociation(JAMA),Grinkerdeploredthe

practiceofinvestigatorstakingthedrugsthemselves,thereby“rendering

theirconclusionsbiasedbytheirownecstasy.”Anunscientific“auraof

magic”surroundedthenewdrugs,anothercriticchargedinJAMAin

1964.(Itdidn’thelpthatsomepsychedelictherapists,likeBettyEisner,

celebratedtheintroductionof“thetranscendentalintopsychiatry”and

developedaninterestinparanormalphenomenon.)

Butalthoughthereissurelytruthtothechargethatresearcherswere

oftenbiasedbytheirownexperiencesusingthedrugs,theobvious

alternative—abstinence—poseditsownsetofchallenges,withtheresult

thattheloudestandmostauthoritativevoicesinthedebateover

psychedelicsduringthe1960swerepreciselythepeoplewhoknewthe

leastaboutthem.Topsychiatristswithnopersonalexperienceof

psychedelics,theireffectswereboundtolookalotmorelikepsychoses

thantranscendence.Thepsychotomimeticparadigmhadreturned,now

withavengeance.

Afterquantitiesof“bootlegLSD”showeduponthestreetin1962–

1963andpeopleinthethroesof“badtrips”beganappearingin

emergencyroomsandpsychwards,mainstreampsychiatryfelt

compelledtoabandonpsychedelicresearch.LSDwasnowregardedasa

causeofmentalillnessratherthanacure.In1965,BellevueHospitalin

Manhattanadmittedsixty-fivepeopleforwhatitcalledLSD-induced

psychoses.Withthemedianowinfullpanicmode,urbanlegendsabout

theperilsofLSDspreadmorerapidlythanfacts.*Thesamewasoften

trueinthecaseofostensiblyscientificfindings.Inonewidelypublicized

study,aresearcherreportedinSciencethatLSDcoulddamage

chromosomes,potentiallyleadingtobirthdefects.Butwhenthestudy

waslaterdiscredited(alsoinScience),therefutationreceivedlittle

attention.Itdidn’tfitthenewpublicnarrativeofLSDasathreat.

Yetitwastruethatthemid-1960ssawasurgeofpeopleonLSD

showingupinemergencyroomswithacutesymptomsofparanoia,

mania,catatonia,andanxiety,aswellas“acidflashbacks”—a

spontaneousrecurrenceofsymptomsdaysorweeksafteringestingLSD.

Someofthesepatientswerehavinggenuinepsychoticbreaks.Especially

inthecaseofyoungpeopleatriskforschizophrenia,anLSDtripcan

triggertheirfirstpsychoticepisode,andsometimesdid.(Itshouldbe

notedthatanytraumaticexperiencecanserveassuchatrigger,including

thedivorceofone’sparentsorgraduateschool.)Butinmanyothercases,

doctorswithlittleexperienceofpsychedelicsmistookapanicreactionfor

afull-blownpsychosis.Whichusuallymadethingsworse.

AndrewWeil,whoasayoungdoctorvolunteeredintheHaight-

AshburyFreeClinicin1968,sawalotofbadtripsandeventually

developedaneffectivewayto“treat”them.“Iwouldexaminethepatient,

determineitwasapanicreaction,andthentellhimorher,‘Willyou

excusemeforamoment?There’ssomeoneinthenextroomwhohasa

seriousproblem.’Theywouldimmediatelybegintofeelmuchbetter.”

TherisksofLSDandotherpsychedelicdrugswerefiercelydebated

duringthe1960s,bothamongscientistsandinthepress.Voicesonboth

sidesofthisdebatetypicallycherry-pickedevidenceandanecdotesto

maketheircase,butSidneyCohenwasanexception,approachingthe

questionwithanopenmindandactuallyconductingresearchtoanswer

it.Beginningin1960,hepublishedaseriesofarticlesthattrackhis

growingconcerns.Forhisfirststudy,Cohensurveyedforty-four

researchersworkingwithpsychedelics,collectingdataonsomefive

thousandsubjectstakingLSDormescalineonatotaloftwenty-five

thousandoccasions.Hefoundonlytwocrediblereportsofsuicideinthis

population(alowrateforagroupofpsychiatricpatients),several

transientpanicreactions,but“noevidenceofseriousprolongedphysical

sideeffects.”Heconcludedthatwhenpsychedelicsareadministeredby

qualifiedtherapistsandresearchers,complicationswere“surprisingly

infrequent”andthatLSDandmescalinewere“safe.”

LearyandothersoftencitedCohen’s1960paperasanexonerationof

psychedelics.Yetinafollow-uparticlepublishedintheJournalofthe

AmericanMedicalAssociationin1962,Cohenreportednewand

“alarming”developments.ThecasualuseofLSDoutsidetheclinical

setting,andinthehandsofirresponsibletherapists,wasleadingto

“seriouscomplications”andoccasional“catastrophicreactions.”Alarmed

thatphysicianswerelosingcontrolofthedrug,Cohenwarnedthat“the

dangersofsuicide,prolongedpsychoticreactionsandantisocialacting

outbehaviorexist.”InanotherpaperpublishedintheArchivesof

GeneralPsychiatrythefollowingyear,hereportedseveralcasesof

psychoticbreaksandanattemptedsuicideandpresentedanaccountofa

boywho,afteringestingasugarcubelacedwithLSDthathisfather,a

detective,hadconfiscatedfroma“pusher,”enduredmorethanamonth

ofvisualdistortionsandanxietybeforerecovering.Itwasthisarticlethat

inspiredRoyGrinker,thejournal’seditor,tocondemnpsychedelic

researchinanaccompanyingcommentary,eventhoughCohenhimself

continuedtobelievethatpsychedelicsinthehandsofresponsible

therapistshadgreatpotential.AfourtharticlethatCohenpublishedin

1966reportedstillmoreLSDcasualties,includingtwoaccidentaldeaths

associatedwithLSD,onefromdrowningandtheotherfromwalkinginto

trafficshouting,“Halt.”

Butbalancedassessmentsoftherisksandbenefitsofpsychedelics

weretheexceptiontowhatby1966hadbecomeafull-onmoralpanic

aboutLSD.Ahandfulofheadlinesfromtheperiodsuggeststhemood:

“LSD-UseChargedwithKillingTeacher”;“SampledLSD,YouthPlunges

fromViaduct”;“LSDUseNearEpidemicinCalifornia”;“SixStudents

BlindedonLSDTripinSun”;“Girl,5,EatsLSDandGoesWild”;“Thrill

DrugWarpsMind,Kills”;and“AMonsterinOurMidst—aDrugCalled

LSD.”EvenLifemagazine,whichhadhelpedignitepublicinterestin

psychedelicsjustnineyearsbeforewithR.GordonWasson’senthusiastic

articleonpsilocybin,joinedthechorusofcondemnation,publishinga

feverishcoverstorytitled“LSD:TheExplodingThreatoftheMindDrug

ThatGotoutofControl.”Nevermindthatthemagazine’spublisherand

hiswifehadrecentlyhadseveralpositiveLSDexperiencesthemselves

(undertheguidanceofSidneyCohen);nowthekidsweredoingit,andit

hadgotten“outofcontrol.”Withpicturesofcrazedpeoplecoweringin

corners,thestorywarnedthat“anLSDtripisnotalwaysaroundtrip”

butrathercouldbe“aone-waytriptoanasylum,aprisonoragrave.”*As

ClareBootheLucewrotetoSidneyCohenin1965,“LSDhasbeenyour

Frankensteinmonster.”

•••

OTHERPOWERFULDRUGSsubjecttoabuse,suchastheopiates,have

managedtomaintainaseparateidentityasalegitimatetoolofmedicine.

Whynotpsychedelics?ThestoryofTimothyLeary,themostfamous

psychedelicresearcher,madeitdifficulttoarguethatabrightline

betweenthescientificandtherecreationaluseofpsychedelicscouldbe

drawnandpatrolled.Themanhaddeliberately—indeedgleefully—erased

allsuchlines.Butthe“personality”ofthedrugmayhaveasmuchtodo

withthecollapseofsuchdistinctionsasthepersonalitiesofpeoplelike

TimothyLearyortheflawsintheirresearch.

Whatdoomedthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchwasanirrational

exuberanceaboutitspotentialthatwasnourishedbythedrugs

themselves—that,andthefactthatthesechemicalsarewhattodaywe

wouldcalldisruptivetechnologies.Forpeopleworkingwiththese

powerfulmolecules,itwasimpossiblenottoconcludethat—likethat

divinitystudentrunningdownCommonwealthAvenue—youwere

suddenlyinpossessionofnewswiththepowertochangenotjust

individualsbuttheworld.Toconfinethesedrugstothelaboratory,orto

usethemonlyforthebenefitofthesick,becamehardtojustify,when

theycoulddosomuchforeveryone,includingtheresearchers

themselves!

Learymighthavemadehismorestraitlacedcolleaguescringeathis

lackofcaution,yetmostofthemsharedhisexuberanceandhadcometo

moreorlessthesameconclusionsaboutthepotentialofpsychedelics;

theywerejustmorejudiciouswhenspeakingabouttheminpublic.

Whoamongthefirstgenerationofpsychedelicresearcherswould

disputeawordofthisclassicgustofLearyexuberance,circa1963:“Make

nomistake:theeffectofconsciousness-expandingdrugswillbeto

transformourconceptsofhumannature,ofhumanpotentialities,of

existence.Thegameisabouttobechanged,ladiesandgentlemen.Manis

abouttomakeuseofthatfabulouselectricalnetworkhecarriesaroundin

hisskull.Presentsocialestablishmentshadbetterbepreparedforthe

change.Ourfavoriteconceptsarestandinginthewayofafloodtide,two

billionyearsbuildingup.Theverbaldamiscollapsing.Headforthehills,

orprepareyourintellectualcrafttoflowwiththecurrent.”*

SoperhapsLeary’srealsinwastohavethecourageofhisconvictions

—hisandeveryoneelse’sinthepsychedelicresearchcommunity.It’s

oftensaidthatapoliticalscandaliswhathappenswhensomeonein

powerinadvertentlyspeaksthetruth.Learywasalltoooftenwillingto

sayoutloudtoanyoneinearshotwhateveryoneelsebelievedbutknew

betterthantospeakorwriteaboutcandidly.Itwasonethingtousethese

drugstotreattheillandmaladjusted—societywillindulgeanyeffortto

helpthewaywardindividualconformtoitsnorms—butitisquiteanother

tousethemtotreatsocietyitselfasifitweresickandtoturnthe

ostensiblyhealthyintowaywardindividuals.

Thefactisthatwhetherbytheirverynatureorthewaythatfirst

generationofresearchershappenedtoconstructtheexperience,

psychedelicsintroducedsomethingdeeplysubversivetotheWestthatthe

variousestablishmentshadlittlechoicebuttorepulse.LSDtrulywasan

acid,dissolvingalmosteverythingwithwhichitcameintocontact,

beginningwiththehierarchiesofthemind(thesuperego,ego,and

unconscious)andgoingonfromtheretosociety’svariousstructuresof

authorityandthentolinesofeveryimaginablekind:betweenpatientand

therapist,researchandrecreation,sicknessandhealth,selfandother,

subjectandobject,thespiritualandthematerial.Ifallsuchlinesare

manifestationsoftheApollonianstraininWesterncivilization,the

impulsethaterectsdistinctions,dualities,andhierarchiesanddefends

them,thenpsychedelicsrepresentedtheungovernableDionysianforce

thatblithelywashesallthoselinesaway.

Butitsurelyisnotthecasethattheforcesunleashedbythese

chemicalsarenecessarilyungovernable.Eventhemostpowerfulacids

canbecarefullyhandledandputtouseastoolsforaccomplishing

importantthings.Whatisthestoryofthefirst-waveresearchersifnota

storyaboutsearchingforanappropriatecontainerforthesepowerful

chemicals?Theytestedseveraldifferentpossibilities:the

psychotomimetic,thepsycholytic,thepsychedelic,and,stilllater,the

entheogenic.Nonewereperfect,buteachrepresentedadifferentwayto

regulatethepowerofthesecompounds,byproposingasetofprotocols

fortheiruseaswellasatheoreticalframework.WhereLearyandthe

countercultureultimatelypartedwayswiththefirstgenerationof

researcherswasindecidingthatnosuchcontainer—whethermedical,

religious,orscientific—wasneededandthatanunguided,do-it-yourself

approachtopsychedelicswasjustfine.Thisisrisky,asitturnsout,and

probablyamistake.Buthowwouldweeverhavediscoveredthis,without

experimenting?Before1943,oursocietyhadneverhadsuchpowerful

mind-changingdrugsavailabletoit.

Othersocietieshavehadlongandproductiveexperiencewith

psychedelics,andtheirexamplesmighthavesavedusalotoftroublehad

weonlyknownandpaidattention.Thefactthatweregardmanyofthese

societiesas“backward”probablykeptusfromlearningfromthem.But

thebiggestthingwemighthavelearnedisthatthesepowerfulmedicines

canbedangerous—bothtotheindividualandtothesociety—whenthey

don’thaveasturdysocialcontainer:asteadyingsetofritualsandrules—

protocols—governingtheiruse,andthecrucialinvolvementofaguide,

thefigurethatisusuallycalledashaman.Psychedelictherapy—the

Hubbardmethod—wasgropingtowardaWesternizedversionofthis

ideal,anditremainstheclosestthingwehavetosuchaprotocol.For

youngAmericansinthe1960s,forwhomthepsychedelicexperiencewas

newineveryway,thewholeideaofinvolvingelderswasprobablynever

goingtofly.Butthisis,Ithink,thegreatlessonofthe1960sexperiment

withpsychedelics:theimportanceoffindingthepropercontext,or

container,forthesepowerfulchemicalsandexperiences.

Speakingoflines,psychedelicsinthe1960sdiddrawatleastoneof

them,andithasprobablyneverbeforebeenquitesosharporbright:the

line,Imean,betweengenerations.Sayingexactlyhoworwhat

psychedelicscontributedtothecountercultureofthe1960sisnotaneasy

task,thereweresomanyotherforcesatwork.Withorwithout

psychedelics,thereprobablywouldhavebeenacounterculture;the

VietnamWarandthedraftmadeitmorethanlikely.Buttheformsthe

counterculturetookanditsdistinctivestyles—ofmusic,art,writing,

design,andsocialrelations—wouldsurelyhavebeencompletelydifferent

wereitnotforthesechemicals.Psychedelicsalsocontributedtowhat

ToddGitlinhascalledthe“asif”moodof1960spolitics—thesensethat

everythingnowwasupforgrabs,thatnothinggivenwasinviolate,and

thatitmightactuallybepossibletoerasehistory(therewasthatacid

again)andstarttheworldoveragainfromscratch.

Buttotheextentthattheupheavalofthe1960swastheresultofan

unusuallysharpbreakbetweengenerations,psychedelicsdeservemuch

oftheblame—orcredit—forcreatingthisunprecedented“generation

gap.”Foratwhatothertimeinhistorydidasociety’syoungundergoa

searingriteofpassagewithwhichthepreviousgenerationwasutterly

unfamiliar?Normally,ritesofpassagehelpknitsocietiestogetherasthe

youngcrossoverhurdlesandthroughgateserectedandmaintainedby

theirelders,comingoutontheothersidetotaketheirplaceinthe

communityofadults.Notsowiththepsychedelicjourneyinthe1960s,

whichatitsconclusiondroppeditsyoungtravelersontoapsychic

landscapeunrecognizabletotheirparents.Thatthiswon’teverhappen

againisreasontohopethatthenextchapterinpsychedelichistorywon’t

bequitesodivisive.

Somaybethis,then,istheenduringcontributionofLeary:byturning

onageneration—thegenerationthat,yearslater,hasnowtakenchargeof

ourinstitutions—hehelpedcreatetheconditionsinwhicharevivalof

psychedelicresearchisnowpossible.

•••

BYTHEENDOF1966,thewholeprojectofpsychedelicsciencehadcollapsed.

InAprilofthatyear,Sandoz,hopingtodistanceitselffromthe

controversyengulfingthedrugthatAlbertHofmannwouldcometocall

his“problemchild,”withdrewLSD-25fromcirculation,turningover

mostofitsremainingstockstotheU.S.governmentandleadingmanyof

theseventyresearchprogramsthenunderwaytoshutdown.

InMayofthatyear,theSenateheldhearingsabouttheLSDproblem.

TimothyLearyandSidneyCohenbothtestified,attemptingvaliantlyto

defendpsychedelicresearchanddrawlinesbetweenlegitimateuseanda

blackmarketthatthegovernmentwasnowdeterminedtocrush.They

foundasurprisinglysympatheticearinSenatorRobertF.Kennedy,

whosewife,Ethel,hadreportedlybeentreatedwithLSDatHollywood

HospitalinVancouver—oneofAlHubbard’soutposts.GrillingtheFDA

regulatorsabouttheirplanstocancelmanyoftheremainingresearch

projects,Kennedydemandedtoknow,“Whyif[theseprojects]were

worthwhilesixmonthsago,whyaren’ttheyworthwhilenow?”Kennedy

saiditwouldbea“losstothenation”ifpsychedelicswerebannedfrom

medicinebecauseofillicituse.“Perhapswehavelostsightofthefactthat

[they]canbevery,veryhelpfulinoursocietyifusedproperly.”

ButKennedygotnowhere.Leary,andperhapsthedrugsthemselves,

hadmadedrawingsuchdistinctionsimpossible.InOctober,somesixty

psychedelicresearchersscatteredacrosstheUnitedStatesreceiveda

letterfromtheFDAorderingthemtostoptheirwork.

JamesFadiman,thepsychologistconductingexperimentson

creativityattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenlo

Park,remembersthedaywell.TheletterrevokingFDAapprovalofthe

projectarrivedattheverymomenthehadfinisheddosingfourofhis

problem-solvingcreativestobegintheirsession.Ashereadtheletter,

sprawledonthefloorinthenextroom,“fourmenlay,theirminds

literallyexpanding.”Fadimansaidtohiscolleagues,“Ithinkweneedto

agreethatwegotthislettertomorrow.”Andsoitwasnotuntilthe

followingdaythattheresearchprogramoftheInternationalFoundation

forAdvancedStudy,alongwithvirtuallyeveryotherresearchprogram

thenunderwayintheUnitedStates,closeddown.

Onepsychedelicresearchprogramsurvivedthepurge:theMaryland

PsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGrove.Here,researcherssuchas

StanislavGrof,BillRichards,RichardYensen,and,untilhisdeathin

1971,WalterPahnke(theGoodFridayresearcher)continuedtoexplore

thepotentialofpsilocybinandLSDtotreatalcoholism,schizophrenia,

andtheexistentialdistressofcancerpatients,amongotherindications.It

remainssomethingofamysterywhythislargepsychedelicresearch

programwasallowedtocontinue—asitdiduntil1976—whendozensof

otherswerebeingcloseddown.Someresearcherswhoweren’tso

fortunatespeculatethatSpringGrovemighthavebeenmaking

psychedelictherapyavailabletopowerfulpeopleinWashingtonwho

recognizeditsvalueorhopedtolearnfromtheresearchorperhaps

wantedtoretaintheirownaccesstothedrugs.Buttheformerstaff

membersatthecenterIspoketodoubtthiswasthecase.Theydid

confirm,however,thatthecenter’sdirector,AlbertKurland,MD,besides

havingasterlingreputationamongfederalofficials,wasexceptionally

wellconnectedinWashingtonandusedhisconnectionstokeepthelights

on—andobtainLSD,someofitfromthegovernment—foradecadeafter

theyhadbeenswitchedoffeverywhereelse.

Yetitturnsoutthattheeventsofneither1966nor1976putanendto

psychedelicresearchandtherapyinAmerica.Movingnowunderground,

itwenton,quietlyandinsecret.

Coda

InFebruary1979,virtuallyalltheimportantfiguresinthefirstwaveof

AmericanpsychedelicresearchgatheredforareunioninLosAngelesat

thehomeofOscarJaniger.Someonemadeavideotapeoftheevent,and

thoughthequalityispoor,mostoftheconversationisaudible.Herein

Janiger’slivingroomweseeHumphryOsmond,SidneyCohen,Myron

Stolaroff,WillisHarman,TimothyLeary,and,sittingonthecouchnextto

him,lookingdistinctlyuncomfortable,CaptainAlHubbard.He’sseventy-

seven(oreight),andhe’straveledfromCasaGrande,Arizona,wherehe

livesinatrailerpark.He’swearinghisparamilitarygetup,thoughIcan’t

tellifhe’scarryingasidearm.

Theoldmenreminisce,abitstifflyatfirst.Somehardfeelingshangin

theair.ButLeary,stillcharming,isremarkablygenerous,workingtoput

everyoneatease.Theirbestdaysarebehindthem;thegreatprojectto

whichtheydevotedtheirliveslayinruins.Butsomethingimportantwas

accomplished,theyallbelieve—elsetheywouldn’tbehereatthisreunion.

SidneyCohen,dressedinajacketandtie,asksthequestiononeveryone’s

mind—“Whatdoesitallmean?”—andthenventuresananswer:“Itstirred

peopleup.Itcrackedtheirframeofreferencebythethousands—millions

perhaps.AndanythingthatdoesthatisprettygoodIthink.”

It’sLeary,ofallpeople,whoasksthegroup,“Doesanyoneherefeel

thatmistakesweremade?”

Osmond,theunfailinglypoliteEnglishman,histeethnowinfull

revolt,declinestousetheword“mistake.”“WhatIwouldsayis...you

couldhaveseenotherwaysofdoingit.”SomeoneIdon’trecognize

cracks,“Therewasamistakemade:nobodygaveittoNixon!”

It’sMyronStolaroffwhofinallyconfrontstheelephantintheroom,

turningtoLearytosay,“Wewerealittledisturbedatsomeofthethings

youweredoingthat[were]makingitmoredifficulttocarryonlegitimate

research.”Learyremindshimthatashetoldthemthen,hehada

differentroletoplay:“Letusbethefar-outexplorers.Thefartheroutwe

go,themoregrounditgivesthepeopleatSpringGrovetodenounceus.”

Andsoappearresponsible.

“AndIjustwish,Ihopeweallunderstandthatwe’veallbeenplaying

partsthathavebeenassignedtous,andthere’snogood-guy/bad-guy,or

creditorblame,whatever...”

“Well,IthinkweneedpeoplelikeTimandAl,”SidneyCohenoffers,

geniallyacceptingLeary’sframing.“They’reabsolutelynecessarytoget

out,wayout,toofaroutinfact—inordertomovetheship...[turn]

thingsaround.”Then,turningtoOsmond:“Andweneedpeoplelikeyou,

tobereflectiveaboutitandtostudyit.Andlittlebylittle,aslight

movementismadeinthetotality.So,youknow,Ican’tthinkofhowit

couldhaveworkedoutotherwise.”

AlHubbardlistensintentlytoallthisbuthaslittletoadd;hefiddles

withahardbackbookinhislap.Atonepoint,hepipesuptosuggestthe

workshouldgoon,druglawsbedamned:Weshould“justkeepondoing

it.Wakepeopleup!Letthemseeforthemselveswhattheyare.Ithinkold

Cartercouldstandagooddose!”Carter’sdefensesecretary,Harold

Brown,andCIAdirector,StansfieldTurner,too.ButHubbard’snotatall

surehewantstobeonthiscouchwithTimothyLearyandislesswilling

thantheotherstoletbygonesbebygones,orLearyoffthehook,no

matterhowsolicitousheisoftheCaptain.

“Oh,Al!Ioweeverythingtoyou,”Learyoffersatonepoint,beaming

hismostexcellentsmileatHubbard.“Thegalacticcentersentyoudown

justattherightmoment.”

Hubbarddoesn’tcrackasmile.Andthen,afewminuteslater:

“Yousureasheckcontributedyourpart.”

CHAPTERFOUR

TRAVELOGUE

JourneyingUnderground

MYPLANHADBEENTOvolunteerforoneoftheHopkinsorNYU

experimentaltrials.IfIwasgoingtohavemyownguidedpsychedelic

journey,aharrowingprospectunderanycircumstances,Iverymuch

likedtheideaoftravelinginthecompanyoftrainedprofessionalsclose

byahospitalemergencyroom.Buttheabovegroundresearcherswereno

longerworkingwith“healthynormals.”ThismeantthatifIhopedtohave

thejourneyIhadheardsomuchabout,itwouldhavetotakeplace

underground.CouldIfindaguidewillingtoworkwithawriterwho

plannedtopublishanaccountofhisjourney,andwouldthatpersonbe

someoneIfeltsufficientlycomfortablewithandconfidentintoentrust

withmymind?Thewholeendeavorwasfraughtwithuncertaintyand

entailedrisksofseveralkinds—legal,ethical,psychological,andeven

literary.Forhowdoyouputintowordsanexperiencesaidtobe

ineffable?

“Curiosity”isanaccuratebuttepidwordforwhatdroveme.Bynow,I

hadinterviewedatlengthmorethanadozenpeoplewhohadgoneon

guidedpsychedelicjourneys,anditwasimpossibletolistentotheir

storieswithoutwonderingwhatthejourneywouldbelikeforone’sself.

Formanyofthem,thesewereamongthetwoorthreemostprofound

experiencesoftheirlives,inseveralcaseschangingtheminpositiveand

lastingways.Tobecomemore“open”—especiallyatthisage,whenthe

groovesofmentalhabithavebeenetchedsodeepastoseeminescapable

—wasanappealingprospect.Andthentherewasthepossibility,however

remote,ofhavingsomekindofspiritualepiphany.ManyofthepeopleI’d

interviewedhadstartedoutstone-coldmaterialistsandatheists,nomore

spirituallydevelopedthanI,andyetseveralhadhad“mystical

experiences”thatleftthemwiththeunshakableconvictionthattherewas

somethingmoretothisworldthanweknow—a“beyond”ofsomekind

thattranscendedthematerialuniverseIpresumetoconstitutethewhole

shebang.IthoughtoftenaboutoneofthecancerpatientsIinterviewed,

anavowedatheistwhohadneverthelessfoundherself“bathedinGod’s

love.”

YetnoteverythingI’dheardfromthesepeoplemademeeagerto

followthemontothecouch.Manyhadbeenbornebypsilocybindeepinto

theirpasts,afewofthemtravelingallthewaybacktoscenesof

unrememberedchildhoodtrauma.Thesejourneyshadbeenwrenching,

shakingthetravelerstotheircore,buttheyhadbeencathartictoo.

Clearlythesemedicines—asguidesbothabove-andbelowground

invariablycallthedrugstheyadminister—powerfullystirthepsychicpot,

surfacingallsortsofrepressedmaterial,someofitterrifyingandugly.

DidIreallywanttogothere?

No!—tobeperfectlyhonest.YoushouldknowIhaveneverbeenone

fordeeporsustainedintrospection.Myusualorientationismoreforward

thanback,ordown,andIgenerallyprefertoleavemypsychicdepths

undisturbed,assumingtheyexist.(There’squiteenoughtodealwithup

hereonthesurface;maybethat’swhyIbecameajournalistratherthana

novelistorpoet.)Allthatstuffdownthereinthepsychicbasementhas

beenstowedthereforareason,andunlessyou’relookingforsomething

specifictohelpsolveaproblem,whywouldanyonewillinglygodown

thosestepsandswitchonthatlight?

Peoplegenerallythinkofmeasafairlyeven-keeledand

psychologicallysturdyperson,andI’veplayedthatroleforsolongnow—

inmyfamilyasachild,inmyfamilyasanadult,withmyfriends,and

withmycolleagues—thatit’sprobablyanaccurateenough

characterization.Buteverysooften,perhapsinthewee-hourthroesof

insomniaorundertheinfluenceofcannabis,Ihavefoundmyselftossed

inapsychicstormofexistentialdreadsodarkandviolentthatthekeel

comesofftheboat,capsizingthistrustyidentity.Atsuchtimes,Ibegin

seriouslytoentertainthepossibilitythatsomewheredeepbeneaththe

equablepresenceIpresent,thereexistsashadowmemadeupofforces

roiling,anarchic,andpotentiallymad.Justhowthinistheskinofmy

sanity?TherearetimeswhenIwonder.Perhapswealldo.ButdidIreally

wanttofindout?R.D.Laingoncesaidtherearethreethingshuman

beingsareafraidof:death,otherpeople,andtheirownminds.Putme

downastwoforthree.Buttherearemomentswhencuriositygetsthe

betteroffear.Iguessformesuchamomenthadarrived.

•••

BY“PSYCHEDELICUNDERGROUND,”Idon’tmeantheshadowyworldofpeople

making,selling,andusingpsychedelicdrugsillegally.Ihaveinminda

specificsubsetofthatworld,populatedbyperhapsacouplehundred

“guides,”ortherapists,workingwithavarietyofpsychedelicsubstances

inacarefullyprescribedmanner,withtheintentionofhealingtheillor

betteringthewellbyhelpingthemfulfilltheirspiritual,creative,or

emotionalpotential.Manyoftheseguidesarecredentialedtherapists,so

bydoingthisworktheyareriskingnotonlytheirfreedombutalsotheir

professionallicenses.Imetonewhowasaphysicianandheardabout

another.Somearereligiousprofessionals—rabbisandministersof

variousdenominations;afewcallthemselvesshamans;onedescribed

himselfasadruid.Therestaretherapiststrainedindizzying

combinationsofalternativeschools:ImetJungiansandReichians,

Gestalttherapistsand“transpersonal”psychologists;energyhealers;

practitionersofaurawork,breathwork,andbodywork;EST,past-life,

andfamilyconstellationtherapists,visionquesters,astrologers,and

meditationteachersofeverystripe—ashaggyreunionofthatwhole1970s

classofalternative“modalities”thatusuallygetlumpedtogetherunder

therubricofthe“humanpotentialmovement”andthathasasitsworld

headquartersEsalen.TheNewAgeterminologycanbealittleoff-putting;

thereweretimeswhenIfeltIwaslisteningtopeoplewhoselanguageand

vocabularyhadstoppedevolvingsometimeintheearly1970s,atthevery

momentwhenpsychedelictherapywasforcedunderground,freezinga

subcultureintime.

ItrackeddownseveralofthesepeopleintheBayArea,whichprobably

hasthelargestconcentrationofundergroundguidesinthecountry,

withoutmuchdifficulty.Askingaround,Isoondiscoveredthatafriend

hadafriendwhoworkedwithaguidedowninSantaCruz,doingan

annualpsilocybinjourneyontheoccasionofhisbirthday.Ialsosoon

discoveredthatthemembranebetweentheabovegroundandthe

belowgroundpsychedelicworldsispermeableincertainplaces;acouple

ofthepeopleIbefriendedwhilereportingontheuniversitypsilocybin

trialswerewillingtointroducemeto“colleagues”whoworked

underground.Oneintroductionledtoanotheraspeoplecametotrustmy

intentions.Bynow,I’veinterviewedfifteenundergroundguidesandhave

workedwithfive.

Consideringtherisksinvolved,Ifoundmostofthesepeople

unexpectedlyopen,generous,andtrusting.Althoughtheauthoritieshave

sofarshownnointerestingoingafterpeoplepracticingpsychedelic-

assistedtherapy,theworkremainsillegalandsoisdangeroustoshare

withajournalistwithouttakingprecautions.Alltheguidesaskedmenot

todisclosetheirnamesorlocationsandtotakewhateverothermeasures

Icouldtoprotectthem.Withthatinmind,Ihavechangednotonlytheir

namesandlocationsbutalsocertainotheridentifyingdetailsineachof

theirstories.Butallthepeopleyouareabouttomeetarerealindividuals,

notcompositesorfictions.

VirtuallyalloftheundergroundguidesImetaredescendedinoneway

oranotherfromthegenerationofpsychedelictherapistsworkingonthe

WestCoastandaroundCambridgeduringthe1950sand1960swhenthis

workwasstilllegal.Indeed,justabouteveryoneIinterviewedcouldtrace

aprofessionallineagereachingbacktoTimothyLeary(oftenthroughone

ofhisgraduatestudents),StanislavGrof,AlHubbard,oraBayArea

psychologistnamedLeoZeff.Zeff,whodiedin1988,wasoneofthe

earliestundergroundtherapists,andcertainlythemostwell-known;he

claimstohave“processed”(AlHubbard’sterm)threethousandpatients

andtrained150guidesduringhiscareer,includingseveraloftheonesI

metontheWestCoast.

Zeffalsoleftaposthumous(andanonymous)accountofhiswork,in

theformofa1997bookcalledTheSecretChief,aseriesofinterviews

withatherapistcalledJacobconductedbyhisclosefriendMyron

Stolaroff.(In2004,Zeff’sfamilygaveStolaroffpermissiontodisclosehis

identityandrepublishthebookasTheSecretChiefRevealed.)Onthe

evidenceofhisinterviews,Zeffisinmanywaystypicalofthe

undergroundtherapistsImet,inbothhisapproachandhismanner;he

comesacrossratherasfolksy,orhaimish,touseaYiddishwordZeff

wouldhaveappreciated,ratherthanasarenegade,guru,orhippie.Ina

photographincludedinthe2004edition,asmilingZeff,wearingabig

pairofaviatorglassesandasweatervestoverhisshirtsleeves,looksmore

likeafavoriteunclethaneitheranoutlawormystic.Yethewasboth.

Zeffwasaforty-nine-year-oldJungiantherapistpracticinginOakland

in1961whenhehadhisfirsttrip,onahundredmicrogramsofLSD.(It

mighthavebeenStolaroffhimselfwhofirst“trippedhim,”toborrowone

ofZeff’slocutions.)Theguidehadaskedhimtobringalonganobjectof

personalsignificance,soZeffbroughthisTorah.Aftertheeffectsofthe

LSDhadcomeon,hisguide“laidtheTorahacrossmychestandI

immediatelywentintothelapofGod.HeandIwereOne.”

Zeffsoonbeganincorporatingarangeofdifferentpsychedelicsinhis

practiceandfoundthatthemedicineshelpedhispatientsbreakthrough

theirdefenses,bringingburiedlayersofunconsciousmaterialtothe

surface,andachievespiritualinsights,ofteninasinglesession.The

resultswereso“fantastic,”hetoldStolaroff,thatwhenthefederal

governmentputpsychedelicsonschedule1in1970,prohibitingtheiruse

foranypurpose,Zeffmadethemomentousdecisiontocontinuehiswork

underground.

Thiswasnoteasy.“ManytimesI’dbeinmuchagonyfallingasleep,

andwakeupinthemorningandhaveithitme,”hetoldStolaroff.“‘Jacob

[hispseudonym],forChrist’ssakewhatareyouexposingyourselftoall

thisshitfor?Youdon’tneedit.’ThenI’dlookandI’dsay,‘Lookatthe

people.Lookwhat’shappeningtothem.’I’dsay,‘Isitworthit?’...

InevitablyI’dcomebackwith‘Yeah,it’sworthit’...Whateveryouhave

togothrough.It’sworthittoproducetheseresults!”

Duringhislongcareer,Zeffhelpedcodifymanyoftheprotocolsof

undergroundtherapy,settingforththe“agreements”guidestypically

makewiththeirclients—regardingconfidentiality(strict),sexualcontact

(forbidden),obediencetothetherapist’sinstructionsduringthesession

(absolute),andsoon—anddevelopingmanyoftheceremonialtouches,

suchashavingparticipantstakethemedicinefromacup:“avery

importantsymbolofthetransformationexperience.”Zeffalsodescribed

thedeparturesfromconventionaltherapeuticpracticecommonamong

psychedelicguides.Hebelieveditwasimperativethatguideshave

personalexperienceofanymedicinetheyadminister.(Aboveground

guideseitherdon’tseeksuchexperienceordon’tadmittoit.)Hecameto

believethatguidesshouldnottrytodirectormanipulatethepsychedelic

journey,allowingitinsteadtofinditsowncourseanddestination.(“Just

leave’emalone!”hetellsStolaroff.)Guidesshouldalsobewillingtodrop

theanalyst’smaskofdetachment,offeringtheirpersonalitiesand

emotions,aswellasacomfortingtouchorhugtotheclientundergoinga

particularlychallengingtrip.

InhisintroductiontoTheSecretChiefRevealed,MyronStolaroff

sketchedtheinfluenceofundergroundguideslikeLeoZeffonthefieldas

awhole,suggestingthatthelegitimatepsychedelicresearchthatresumed

inthelate1990s,whenhewaswriting,had“evolvedasaresultof

anecdotalevidencefromundergroundtherapists”likeZeff,aswellas

fromthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchdoneinthe1950sand1960s.

Psychedelicresearchersworkinginuniversitiestodayareunderstandably

reluctanttoacknowledgeit,butthereisacertainamountoftraffic

betweenthetwoworlds,andasmallnumberoffigureswhomove,

somewhatgingerly,backandforthbetweenthem.Forexample,some

prominentundergroundtherapistshavebeenrecruitedtohelptraina

newcohortofpsychedelicguidestoworkinuniversitytrialsof

psychedelicdrugs.WhentheHopkinsteamwantedtostudytheroleof

musicintheguidedpsilocybinsession,itreachedouttoseveral

undergroundguides,surveyingtheirmusicalpractices.

Noonehadanyideahowmanyundergroundguideswereworkingin

America,orexactlywhatthatworkconsistedof,until2010.Thatwasthe

yearJamesFadiman,theStanford-trainedpsychologistwhotookpartin

psychedelicresearchattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy

inMenloParkintheearly1960s,attendedaconferenceonpsychedelic

scienceintheBayArea.TheconferencewasorganizedbyMAPS,with

sponsorshipfromHeffter,theBeckleyFoundation,andBobJesse’s

CouncilonSpiritualPractices,thethreeothernonprofitsthatfunded

mostofthepsychedelicresearchunderwayatthetime.InaHolidayInn

inSanJose,theconferencebroughttogethermorethanathousand

people,includingseveraldozenscientists(whopresentedtheirresearch,

completewithPowerPointslides),anumberofguidesdrawnfromboth

theuniversitytrialsandtheunderground,andagreatmanymore

“psychonauts”—peopleofallageswhomakeregularuseofpsychedelics

intheirlives,whetherforspiritual,therapeutic,or“recreational”

purposes.(AsBobJesseisalwaysquicktoremindmewheneverIusethat

word,“recreational”doesn’tnecessarilymeanfrivolous,careless,or

lackinginintention.Pointtaken.)

JamesFadimancametotheMAPSconference“onthesciencetrack,”

togiveatalkaboutthevalueoftheguidedentheogenicjourney.He

wonderedifthereweremanyundergroundguidesintheaudience,soat

theendofhistalkheannouncedthattherewouldbeameetingofguides

at8:00thefollowingmorning.

“Idraggedmyselfoutofbedat7:30expectingtoseemaybefive

people,butahundredshowedup!Itwasstaggering.”

Itwouldprobablybetoostrongtodescribethisfar-flunganddisparate

groupasacommunity,muchlessanorganization,yetmyinterviewswith

morethanadozenofthemsuggesttheyareprofessionalswhosharean

outlook,asetofpractices,andevenacodeofconduct.Soonafterthe

meetinginSanJose,a“wiki”appearedontheInternet—acollaborative

websitewhereindividualscansharedocumentsandtogethercreatenew

content.(FadimanincludedtheURLinhis2011book,ThePsychedelic

Explorer’sGuide.)Here,Ifoundtwoitemsofparticularinterest,aswell

asseveralsub-wikis—documentsunderdevelopment—thathadn’thada

newentryforseveralyears;itcouldbethatpublicdisclosureofthesitein

Fadiman’sbookhadledthecreatorstoabandonitormoveelsewhere

online.

Thefirstitemwasadraftcharter:“tosupportacategoryofprofound,

prizedexperiencesbecomingmoreavailabletomorepeople.”These

experiencesaredescribedas“unitiveconsciousness”and“non-dual

consciousness,”amongotherterms,andseveralnon-pharmacological

modalitiesforachievingthesestatesarementioned,including

meditation,breathwork,andfasting.“AprincipaltooloftheGuidesisthe

judicioususeofaclassofpsychoactivesubstances”knowntobe“potent

spiritualcatalysts.”

Thewebsiteofferswould-beguideslinkstoprintableformsforlegal

releases,ethicalagreements,andmedicalquestionnaires.(“Wedon’t

haveverygoodinsurance,”oneguidetoldme,withasardonicsmile.“So

we’reverycareful.”)There’salsoalinktoathoughtful“CodeofEthicsfor

SpiritualGuides,”whichacknowledgesthepsychologicalandphysical

risksofjourneyingandemphasizestheguide’sultimateresponsibilityfor

thewell-beingoftheclient.Recognizingthatduring“primaryreligious

practices”“participantsmaybeespeciallyopentosuggestion,

manipulation,andexploitation,”thecodestatesthatitisincumbentupon

theguidetodiscloseallrisks,obtainconsent,guaranteeconfidentiality,

protectthesafetyandhealthofparticipantsatalltimes,“safeguard

against...ambition”andself-promotion,andaccommodateclients

“withoutregardtotheirabilitytopay.”

Perhapsthemostusefuldocumentonthewebsiteisthe“Guidelines

forVoyagersandGuides.”*Theguidelinesrepresentacompendiumof

halfacentury’saccumulatedknowledgeandwisdomabouthowbestto

approachthepsychedelicjourney,whetherasaparticipantorasaguide.

Itcoversthebasicsofsetandsetting;mentalandphysicalpreparationfor

thesession;potentialdruginteractions;thevalueofformulatingan

intention;whattoexpectduringtheexperience,bothgoodandbad;the

stagesofthejourney;whatcangowrongandhowtodealwithfrightening

material;thesupremeimportanceofpost-session“integration”;andso

on.

Forme,standingonthethresholdofsuchanexperience,itwas

reassuringtolearnthattheundergroundcommunityofpsychedelic

guides,whichIhadassumedconsistedofabunchofindividualsalldoing

prettymuchtheirownthing,operatedlikeprofessionals,workingfroma

bodyofaccumulatedknowledgeandexperienceandinasetoftraditions

thathadbeenhandeddownfrompsychedelicpioneerssuchasAl

Hubbard,TimothyLeary,MyronStolaroff,StanGrof,andLeoZeff.They

hadrulesandcodesandagreements,andmanyelementsoftheworkhad

beenmoreorlessinstitutionalized.

Stumblinguponthewebsitealsomademeappreciatejusthowfarthe

cultureofpsychedelicshasevolvedsincethe1950sand1960s.Implicitin

thesedocuments,itseemedtome,wastherecognitionthatthese

powerful,anarchicmedicinescanandhavebeenmisusedandthatifthey

aretodomoregoodthanharm,theyrequireaculturalvesselofsome

kind:protocols,rules,andritualsthattogetherformakindofApollonian

counterweighttocontainandchanneltheirsheerDionysianforce.

Modernmedicine,withitscontrolledtrialsandwhite-coatedclinicians

andDSMdiagnoses,offersonesuchcontainer;theundergroundguides

offeranother.

•••

YETTHEFIRSTCOUPLEofguidesIintervieweddidnotfillmewith

confidence.MaybeitwasbecauseIwassonewtotheterritory,and

nervousaboutthecontemplatedjourney,butIkepthearingthingsin

theirspielsthatsetoffalarmbellsandmademewanttoruninthe

oppositedirection.

Andrei,thefirstguideIinterviewed,wasagruffRomanian-born

psychologistinhislatesixtieswithdecadesofexperience;hehadworked

withafriendofafriendofafriend.Wemetathisofficeinamodest

neighborhoodofsmallbungalowsandneatlawnsinacityinthePacific

Northwest.Ahand-letteredsignonthedoorinstructedvisitorstoremove

theirshoesandcomeupstairstothedimlylitwaitingroom.Akilimrug

hadbeenpinnedtothewall.

InsteadofatablepiledwitholdcopiesofPeopleorConsumerReports,

Ifoundasmallshrinepopulatedwithspiritualartifactsfroma

bewilderingvarietyoftraditions:aBuddha,acrystal,acrow’swing,a

brassbowlforburningincense,abranchofsage.Atthebackoftheshrine

stoodtwoframedphotographs,oneofaHinduguruIdidn’trecognize

andtheotherofaMexicancuranderaIdid:MaríaSabina.

ThiswasnotthelasttimeIwouldencountersuchaconfusingtableau.

InfacteveryguideImetmaintainedsomesuchshrineintheroomwhere

heorsheworked,andclientswereoftenaskedtocontributeanitemof

personalsignificancebeforeembarkingontheirjourneys.WhatIwas

temptedtodismissasasmorgasbordofequal-opportunityNewAge

tchotchkes,Iwouldeventuallycometoregardmoresympathetically,as

thematerialexpressionofthesyncretismprevalentinthepsychedelic

community.Membersofthiscommunitytendtobemorespiritualthan

religiousinanyformalsense,focusedonthecommoncoreofmysticism

or“cosmicconsciousness”thattheybelieveliesbehindallthedifferent

religioustraditions.Sowhatappearedtomeasabunchofconflicting

symbolsofdivinityareinfactdifferentmeansofexpressingor

interpretingthesameunderlyingspiritualreality,“theperennial

philosophy”thatAldousHuxleyheldtoundergirdallreligionsandto

whichpsychedelicssupposedlycanofferdirectaccess.

Afterafewminutes,Andreiboundedintotheroom,andwhenIstood

tooffermyhand,hesurprisedmewithabearhug.Abigmanwithafull

headofhastilycombedgrayhair,Andreiwaswearingablue-checked

button-downoverayellowT-shirtthatstruggledtoencompasstheglobe

ofhisbelly.Speakingwithathickaccent,hemanagedtoseemboth

amiableanddisconcertinglyblunt.

AndreihadhisfirstexperiencewithLSDattwenty-one,soonafterhe

cameoutofthearmy;afriendhadsentitfromAmerica,andthe

experiencetransformedhim.“Itmademerealizeweliveaverylimited

versionofwhatlifeis.”Thatrealizationpropelledhimonajourney

throughEasternreligionandWesternpsychologythateventually

culminatedinadoctorateinpsychology.Whenmilitaryservice

threatenedtointerrupthispsycho-spiritualjourney,he“decidedIhaveto

makemyownchoices”anddeserted.

AndreieventuallyleftBucharestforSanFrancisco,boundforwhathe

hadheardwas“thefirstNewAgegraduateschool”—theCalifornia

InstituteofIntegralStudies.Foundedin1968,theinstitutespecializesin

“transpersonalpsychology,”aschooloftherapywithastrongspiritual

orientationrootedintheworkofCarlJungandAbrahamMaslowaswell

asthe“wisdomtraditions”oftheEastandtheWest,includingNative

AmericanhealingandSouthAmericanshamanism.StanislavGrof,a

pioneerofbothtranspersonalandpsychedelictherapy,hasbeenonthe

facultyformanyyears.In2016,theinstitutebeganofferingthenation’s

firstcertificateprograminpsychedelictherapy.

Aspartofhisdegreeprogram,Andreihadtoundergopsychotherapy

andfoundhiswaytoaNativeAmerican“doingmedicinework”inthe

FourCornersaswellastheBayArea.“Whoopee!”herecalledthinking.

“BecauseofmyLSDexperience,Iknewitwasviable.”Medicinework

becamehisvocation.

“Ihelppeoplefindoutwhotheyaresotheycanlivetheirlivesfully.I

usedtoworkwithwhoevercametome,butsomeweretoofuckedup.If

you’reontheedgeofpsychosis,thisworkcanpushyouover.Youneeda

strongegoinordertoletgoofitandthenbeabletospringbacktoyour

boundaries.”Hementionedhe’doncebeensuedbyatroubledclientwho

blamedhimforasubsequentbreakdown.“SoIdecided,Idon’tworkwith

craziesanymore.AndassoonasImadethisstatementtotheuniverse,

theystoppedcoming.”Thesedaysheworkswithalotofyoungpeoplein

thetechworld.“I’mthedangerousvirusofSiliconValley.Theycometo

mewondering,‘WhatamIdoinghere,chasingthegoldencarrotinthe

goldencage?’Manyofthemgoontodosomethingmoremeaningfulwith

theirlives.[Theexperience]opensthemuptothespiritualreality.”

It’shardtosayexactlywhatputmeoffworkingwithAndrei,butoddly

enoughitwaslesstheNewAgeyspiritualismthanhisnonchalanceabout

aprocessIstillfoundexoticandscary.“Idon’tplaythepsychotherapy

game,”hetoldme,asblaséasaguybehindadelicounterwrappingand

slicingasandwich.“Noneofthatblankscreen.Inmainstream

psychology,youdon’thug.Ihug.Itouchthem.Igiveadvice.Ihave

peoplecomestaywithusintheforest.”Heworkswithclientsnotherein

theofficebutinarurallocationdeepinthewoodsoftheOlympic

Peninsula.“Thoseareallbigno-no’s.”Heshruggedasiftosay,sowhat?

Isharedsomeofmyfears.He’dhearditallbefore.“Youmaynotget

whatyouwant,”hetoldme,“butyou’llgetwhatyouneed.”Igulped

mentally.“Themainthingistosurrendertotheexperience,evenwhenit

getsdifficult.Surrendertoyourfear.Thebiggestfearsthatcomeupare

thefearofdeathandthefearofmadness.Buttheonlythingtodois

surrender.Sosurrender!”Andreihadnamedmytwobiggestfears,but

hisprescriptionseemedeasiersaidthandone.

Iwashopingforaguidewhoexudedperhapsalittlemoretenderness

andpatience,Irealized,yetIwasn’tsureIshouldletAndrei’sgruff

mannerputmeoff.Hewassmart,hehadloadsofexperience,andhewas

willingtoworkwithme.Thenhetoldastorythatdecidedthematter.

Itwasaboutworkingwithamanmyagewhobecameconvinced

duringhispsilocybinjourneyhewashavingaheartattack.“‘I’mdying,’

hesaid,‘call911!Ifeelit,myheart!’Itoldhimtosurrendertothedying.

ThatSaintFrancissaidthatindyingyougaineternallife.Whenyou

realizedeathisjustanotherexperience,there’snothingmoretoworry

about.”

Okay,butwhatifithadbeenarealheartattack?Outthereinthe

woodsinthemiddleoftheOlympicPeninsula?Andreimentionedthatan

aspiringguidehewastraininghad“onceaskedme,‘Whatdoyoudoif

someonedies?’”Idon’tknowwhatIexpectedhimtosay,butAndrei’s

reply,deliveredwithoneofhismostmatter-of-factshrugs,wasnotit.

“Youburyhimwithalltheotherdeadpeople.”

ItoldAndreiIwouldbeintouch.

Thepsychedelicundergroundwaspopulatedwithagreatmanysuch

vividcharacters,Isoondiscovered,butnotnecessarilythekindsof

characterstowhomIfeltIcouldentrustmymind—orforthatmatterany

partofme.ImmediatelyaftermysessionwithAndrei,Ihadameeting

withasecondprospectiveguide,abrilliantpsychologistinhiseighties

whohadbeenastudentofTimothyLeary’satHarvard.Hisknowledgeof

psychedelicswasdeep;hiscredentialsimpressive;hehadbeenhighly

recommendedbypeopleIrespected.YetwhenoverlunchataTibetan

restaurantnearhisofficeheremovedhisbolotieandsuspendeditover

themenu,Ibegantoloseconfidencethatthiswasmyman.Heexplained

thathereliedontheenergiesreleasedbythependulumswingofthe

silverclasptochoosetheentréemostlikelytoagreewithhis

temperamentaldigestion.Iforgetwhathistieorderedforlunch,buteven

beforehebegandilatingontheevidencethat9/11wasaninsidejob,I

knewmysearchforaguidewasnotoverquiteyet.

•••

ONENOTABLEDIFFERENCEaboutdoingpsychedelicsatsixty,asopposedto

whenyou’reeighteenortwenty,isthatatsixtyyou’remorelikelytohave

acardiologistyoumightwanttoconsultinadvanceofyourtrip.Thatwas

me.AyearbeforeIhaddecidedtoembarkonthisadventure,myheart,

thereliableoperationsofwhichIhadtakencompletelyforgrantedtothat

point,hadsuddenlymadeitspresencefeltand,forthefirsttimeinmy

life,demandedmyattention.Whilesittingatmycomputerone

afternoon,Iwassuddenlymadeawareofapronouncedandcrazily

syncopatednewrhythminmychest.

“Atrialfibrillation”wasthenamethedoctorgavetheabnormal

squigglesthatappearedonmyEKG.ThedangerofAFibisnotaheart

attack,hesaidtomy(short-lived)relief,butaheightenedriskofstroke.

“Mycardiologist”—theunfortunatephrasehadsuddenlyjoinedmy

vocabulary,probablyfortheduration—putmeonacoupleofmedsto

calmtheheartrhythmsandlowerthebloodpressure,plusadailybaby

aspirintothinmyblood.Andthenhetoldmenottoworryaboutit.

Ifollowedallofhisadviceexceptthelastbit.NowIcouldn’thelpbut

thinkaboutmyheartconstantly.Allofitsoperationsthathadpreviously

takenplacecompletelyoutsidemyconsciousawarenesssuddenlybecame

salient:somethingIcouldhearandfeelwheneverIthoughttocheckin,

whichnowwasincessantly.Monthslater,theAFibhadnotrecurred,but

mysurveillanceofmypoorhearthadgottenoutofcontrol.Icheckedmy

bloodpressuredailyandlistenedforsignsofventriculareccentricity

everytimeIgotintobed.IttookmonthsofnothavingastrokebeforeI

couldonceagaintrustmyhearttogoaboutitsbusinesswithoutmy

supervision.Gradually,thankfully,itretreatedonceagaintothe

backgroundofmyattention.

ItellyouallthisbywayofexplainingwhyIfeltIshouldtalktomy

cardiologistbeforeembarkingonapsychedelicjourney.Mycardiologist

wasmyage,sonotlikelytobeshockedbytheword“psilocybin”or“LSD”

or“MDMA.”ItoldhimwhatIhadinmindandaskedifanyofthedrugs

inquestionwerecontraindicated,givenmycoronaryissues,orifthere

wasanyriskofaninteractionwiththemedshehadprescribed.Hewas

notoverlyconcernedaboutthepsychedelics—mostofthemconcentrate

theireffectsinthemindwithremarkablylittleimpactonthe

cardiovascularsystem—butoneofthedrugsImentionedheadvisedI

avoid.ThiswasMDMA,alsoknownasEcstasyorMolly,whichhasbeen

onschedule1sincethemid-1980s,whenitemergedasapopularrave

drug.

Thedrug3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamineisnotaclassical

psychedelic(itworksondifferentbrainreceptorsanddoesn’thavestrong

visualeffects),yetseveraloftheguidesIwasinterviewinghadtoldmeit

waspartoftheirregimen.Sometimescalledanempathogen,MDMA

lowerspsychologicaldefensesandhelpstoswiftlybuildabondbetween

patientandtherapist.(LeoZeffwasoneofthefirsttherapiststouse

MDMAinthe1970s,afterthecompoundwaspopularizedbyhisfriend

thelegendaryBayAreachemistSashaShulginandhiswife,thetherapist

AnnShulgin.)GuidestoldmeMDMAwasagoodwayto“breaktheice”

andestablishtrustbeforethepsychedelicjourney.(Onesaid,“It

condensesyearsofpsychotherapyintoanafternoon.”)Butasitsscientific

nameindicates,MDMAisanamphetamine,andso,chemically,it

implicatestheheartinawaypsychedelicsdon’t.Iwasdisappointedmy

cardiologisthadtakenMDMAoffthetablebutpleasedthathehadmore

orlessgivenmeagreenlightontherestofmytravelplans.

TripOne:LSD

Atleastonpaper,nothingaboutthefirstguideIchosetoworkwith

soundsauspicious.Themanlivedandworkedsofaroffthegrid,inthe

mountainsoftheAmericanWest,thathehadnophoneservice,

generatedhisownelectricity,pumpedhisownwater,grewhisownfood,

andhadonlythespottiestsatelliteInternet.Icouldjustforgetaboutthe

wholeideaofbeinganywhereinrangeofahospitalemergencyroom.

ThentherewasthefactthatwhileIwasaJewfromafamilythathad

oncebeenreluctanttobuyaGermancar,thisfellowwasthesonofaNazi

—aGermaninhismidsixtieswhosefatherhadservedintheSSduring

WorldWarII.AfterIhadheardsomuchabouttheimportanceofboth

setandsetting,noneofthesedetailsauguredespeciallywell.

YetIlikedFritzfromthemomenthecameouttogreetme,offeringa

broadgrinandawarmhug(Iwasgettingusedtothese)whenIpulledmy

rentalintohisremotecamp.Thisconsistedofatidyvillageofstructures

—ahandmadehouseandacoupleofsmallercabins,anoctagonalyurt,

andtwogailypaintedouthousessetoutinaclearingonthecrestofa

heavilywoodedmountain.Followingthehand-drawnmapFritzhadsent

me(theareawasterraincognitaforGPS),Idroveformilesonadusty

dirtroadthatpassedthroughtheblastedlandscapeofanabandoned

minebeforerisingintoadarkforestofcypressandponderosapine,with

adenseunderstoryofmanzanitas,theirsmoothbarkthecoloroffresh

blood.Ihadcometothemiddleofnowhere.

Fritzwasatangleofcontradictionandyetmanifestlyawarmand

seeminglyhappyman.Atsixty-five,heresembledaEuropeanmovie

actorgoneslightlytoseed,withthickgrayhairpartedinthemiddleanda

blocky,muscularframejustbeginningtoyield.FritzgrewupinBavaria,

thesonofaragingalcoholicwhohadservedintheSSasabodyguardfor

theculturalattachéresponsibleforproducingoperasandother

entertainmentsforthetroops—theNazis’USO.Later,hisfatherfought

ontheRussianfrontandsurvivedStalingradbutcamehomefromthe

warshell-shocked.Fritzgrewupinthedenseshadeofhismisery,sharing

theshameandangerofsomanyinhispostwargeneration.

“Whenthemilitarycameforme[toservehisperiodofconscription],”

hesaid,aswesatathiskitchentablesippingteaonasunnyspring

afternoon,“Itoldthemtofuckthemselvesandtheythrewmeinto

prison.”Forcedeventuallytoserveinthearmy,Fritzwascourt-martialed

twice—onceforsettinghisuniformonfire.Hespenttimeinsolitary

confinementreadingTolstoyandDostoyevskyandplottingrevolution

withtheMaoistinthenextcell,withwhomhecommunicatedthrough

theprisonplumbing.“MyproudestmomentwasthetimeIgaveallthe

guardsOrangeSunshinethatIhadgottenfromafriendinCalifornia.”

Atuniversity,hestudiedpsychologyandtookalotofLSD,whichhe

obtainedfromtheAmericantroopsstationedinGermany.“Comparedto

LSD,Freudwasajoke.Forhimbiographywaseverything.Hehadnouse

formysticalexperience.”FritzmovedontoJungandWilhelmReich,“my

hero.”Alongtheway,hediscoveredthatLSDwasapowerfultoolfor

exploringthedepthsofhisownpsyche,allowinghimtoreexperienceand

thenletgooftheangeranddepressionthathobbledhimasayoungman.

“Therewasmorelightinmylifeafterthat.Somethingshifted.”

AsithadformanyoftheguidesIhadmet,themysticalexperience

Fritzhadonpsychedelicslaunchedhimonadecades-longspiritualquest

thateventually“blewmylinear,empiricalmind,”openinghimuptothe

possibilityofpastlives,telepathy,precognition,and“synchronicities”

thatdefyourconceptionsofspaceandtime.Hespenttimeonanashram

inIndia,wherehewitnessedspecificscenesthathadbeenprefiguredin

hispsychedelicjourneys.Once,makinglovetoawomaninGermany(the

twowerepracticingTantrism),heandshesharedanout-of-body

experiencethatallowedthemtoobservethemselvesfromtheceiling.

“Thesemedicineshaveshownmethatsomethingquote-unquote

impossibleexists.ButIdon’tthinkit’smagicorsupernatural.It’sa

technologyofconsciousnesswedon’tunderstandyet.”

Normallywhenpeoplestarttalkingabouttranspersonaldimensionsof

consciousnessand“morphogeneticfields,”Ihavelittle(ifany)patience,

buttherewassomethingaboutFritzthatmadesuchtalk,ifnot

persuasive,thenatleast...provocative.Hemanagedtoexpressthemost

far-fetchedideasinadisarminglymodest,evendown-to-earthway.Ihad

theimpressionhehadnoagendabeyondfeedinghisowncuriosity,

whetherwithpsychedelicsorbooksonparanormalphenomena.For

somepeople,theprivilegeofhavinghadamysticalexperiencetendsto

massivelyinflatetheego,convincingthemthey’vebeengrantedsole

possessionofakeytotheuniverse.Thisisanexcellentrecipeforcreating

aguru.Thecertitudeandcondescensionformeremortalsthatusually

comewiththatkeycanrenderthesepeopleinsufferable.Butthatwasn’t

Fritz.Tothecontrary.Hisotherworldlyexperienceshadhumbledhim,

openinghimuptopossibilitiesandmysterieswithoutclosinghimto

skepticism—ortothepleasuresofeverydaylifeonthisearth.Therewas

nothingetherealabouthim.IsurprisedmyselfbylikingFritzasmuchas

Idid.

AfterfiveyearsspentlivingonacommuneinBavaria(“wewereall

tryingtoundosomeofthedamagedonetothepostwargeneration”),in

1976hemetawomanfromCaliforniawhilehikingintheHimalayasand

followedherbacktoSantaCruz.TherehefellintothewholeNorthern

Californiahumanpotentialscene,atvarioustimesrunningameditation

centerforanIndiangurunamedRajneeshanddoingbodywork

(includingdeep-tissuemassageandRolfing),GestaltandReichian

therapy,andsomelandscapingtopaythebills.Whenin1982,soonafter

hisfather’sdeath,hemetStanGrofatabreathworkcourseatEsalen,he

felthehadatlastfoundhisrightfulfather.Duringtheworkshop,Fritz

“hadanexperienceaspowerfulasanypsychedelic.Outoftheblue,I

experiencedmyselfbeingborn—mymothergivingbirthtome.Whilethis

washappening,IwatchedthegoddessShivaonagiganticIMAXscreen,

creatingworldsanddestroyingworlds.Everyoneinthegroupwanted

whatIhad!”Henowaddedholotropicbreathworktohisbodywork

practice.

Eventually,Fritzdidanintensiveseriesofmultiyeartrainingswith

GrofinNorthernCaliforniaandBritishColumbia.Atoneofthem,hemet

hisfuturewife,aclinicalpsychologist.Grofwasostensiblyteaching

holotropicbreathwork,thenon-pharmacologicalmodalityhehad

developedafterpsychedelicsweremadeillegal.ButFritzsaidthatGrof

alsosharedwiththisselectgrouphisdeepknowledgeaboutthepractice

ofpsychedelictherapy,discreetlypassingonhismethodstoanew

generation.Severalpeopleintheworkshop,Fritzandhisfuturewife

amongthem,wentontobecomeundergroundguides.Sheworkswiththe

womenwhofindtheirwayupthemountain,hewiththemen.

“Youdon’tmakealotofmoney,”Fritztoldme.Indeed,hecharged

onlyninehundreddollarsforathree-daysession,whichincludedroom

andboard.“It’sillegalanddangerous.Youcanhaveapersongo

psychotic.Andyoureallydon’tmakealotofmoney.ButI’mahealerand

thesemedicineswork.”Itwasabundantlyclearhehadacallingandloved

whathedid—lovedwitnessingpeopleundergoprofoundtransformations

beforehiseyes.

•••

FRITZTOLDMEwhattoexpectifIweretoworkwithhim.Itwouldmean

returninghereforthreedays,sleepingintheeight-sidedyurt,wherewe

wouldalsodo“thework.”Thefirstafternoonwouldbeawarm-uporget-

acquaintedsession,usingeitherMDMAorbreathwork.(Iexplainedwhy

inmycaseitwouldhavetobebreathwork.)Thiswouldgivehimachance

toobservehowIhandledanalteredstateofconsciousnessbeforesending

meonanLSDjourneythemorningofthesecondday;itwouldalsohelp

himdetermineasuitabledose.

Iaskedhimhowhecouldbesureofthepurityandqualityofthe

medicinesheuses,sincetheycomefromchemistsworkingillicitly.

Wheneverhereceivesanewshipment,heexplained,“Ifirsttestitfor

purity,andthenItakeaheroicdosetoseehowitfeelsbeforeIgiveitto

anyone.”NotexactlyFDAapproval,Ithoughttomyself,butbetterthan

nothing.

Fritzdoesn’ttakeanymedicinehimselfwhilehe’sworkingbutoften

gets“acontacthigh”fromhisclients.Duringthesessionhetakesnotes,

selectsthemusic,andchecksineverytwentyminutesorso.“I’llaskyou

nothowyouarebutwhereyouare.

“I’mherejustforyou,toholdthespace,soyoudon’thavetoworry

aboutanythingoranyoneelse.Notthewife,notthechild.Soyoucan

reallyletgo—andgo.”This,Irealized,wasanotherreasonIwaseagerto

workwithaguide.WhenJudithandIhadourmagicmushroomdaythe

previoussummer,thesimmerofworryaboutherwelfarekeptintruding

onmyjourney,forcingmetostayclosetothesurface.MuchasIhated

thepsychobabble-ylocution,Ilovedtheideaofsomeone“holdingspace”

forme.

“ThatnightI’llaskyoutomakesomenotesbeforeyougotosleep.On

yourlastmorning,we’llcomparenotesandtrytointegrateandmake

senseofyourexperience.ThenI’llcookyouabigbreakfasttogetyou

readytofacetheinterstate!”

Wescheduledatimeformetocomeback.

•••

THEFIRSTTHINGIlearnedaboutmyselfthatfirstafternoon,workingwith

Fritzintheyurt,isthatIam“easytoputunder”—susceptibletotrance,a

mentalspacecompletelynewtomeandaccessiblebynothingmorethan

ashiftinthepatternofone’sbreathing.Itwasthedamnedestthing.

Fritz’sinstructionswerestraightforward:Breathedeeplyandrapidly

whileexhalingasstronglyasyoucan.“Atfirstitwillfeelunnaturaland

you’llhavetoconcentratetomaintaintherhythm,butafterafewminutes

yourbodywilltakeoveranddoitautomatically.”Istretchedoutonthe

mattressanddonnedapairofeyeshadeswhileheputonsomemusic,

somethinggenericallytribalandrhythmic,dominatedbythepoundingof

adrum.Heplacedaplasticbucketatmyside,explainingthat

occasionallypeoplethrowup.

Itwashardworkatfirst,tobreatheinsuchanexaggeratedand

unnaturalway,evenwithFritz’senthusiasticcoaching,butthenallat

oncemybodytookover,andIfoundthatnothoughtwasrequiredto

maintainthedrivingpaceandrhythm.ItwasasifIhadbrokenfreefrom

gravityandsettledintoanorbit:thebigdeepbreathsjustcame,

automatically.NowIfeltanuncontrollableurgetomovemylegsand

armsinsyncwiththepoundingofthedrums,whichresonatedinmyrib

cagelikeapowerfulnewheartbeat.Ifeltpossessed,bothmybodyandmy

mind.Ican’tremembermanythoughtsexcept“Hey,thisisworking,

whateveritis!”

Iwasflatonmybackyetdancingwildly,myarmsandlegsmoving

withawilloftheirown.AllcontrolofmybodyIhadsurrenderedtothe

music.Itfeltalittlelikespeakingintongues,orwhatIimaginethattobe,

withsomeexternalforcetakingoverthemindandbodyforitsown

obscurepurpose.

Therewasn’tmuchvisualimagery,justthenakedsensationof

exhilaration,untilIbegantopicturemyselfonthebackofabigblack

horse,gallopingheadlongdownapaththroughaforest.Iwasperchedup

highonitsshoulders,likeajockey,holdingontightasthebeastscissored

itsgreatmusclesforwardandbackwitheachlongstride.Asmyrhythm

syncedwiththatofthehorse,Icouldfeelmyselfabsorbingtheanimal’s

power.Itfeltfantastictosofullyinhabitmybody,asifforthefirsttime.

AndyetbecauseIamnotaveryconfidentrider(ordancer!),italsofelt

precarious,asifwereItomissabreathorbeatImighttumbleoff.

Ihadnoideahowlongthetrancelasted,timewasutterlylostonme,

butwhenFritzgentlybroughtmebacktothepresentmomentandthe

realityoftheroom,simplybyencouragingmetoslowandrelaxmy

breathing,hereportedIhadbeen“init”foranhourandfifteenminutes.

Ifeltflushedandsweatyandtriumphant,asifIhadrunamarathon;

FritzsaidIlooked“radiant”—“younglikeababy.”

“Youhadnoresistance,”hesaidapprovingly;“that’sagoodsignfor

tomorrow.”Ihadnoideawhathadjusthappened,couldrecalllittlemore

ofthehourthanridingthehorse,buttheepisodeseemedtohave

involvedaterrificphysicalreleaseofsomekind.Somethinghadletgoof

meorbeenexpunged,andIfeltbuoyant.Andhumbledbythemysteryof

it.Forherewas(toquoteWilliamJames)oneofthe“formsof

consciousnessentirelydifferent”fromtheordinaryandyetsocloseby—

separatedfromnormalwakingconsciousnessby...what?Ahandfulof

exhalations!

Thensomethingfrighteninghappened.Fritzhadgoneuptothehouse

toprepareourdinner,leavingmetomakesomenotesaboutthe

experienceonmylaptop,whenallatonceIfeltmyheartsurgeandthen

begintodancemadlyinmychest.Iimmediatelyrecognizedthesensation

ofturbulenceasAFib,andwhenItookmypulse,itwaschaotic.A

panickybirdwastrappedinmyribcage,throwingitselfagainstthebars

inanattempttogetout.AndhereIwas,adozenmilesoffthegridsmack

inthemiddleofnowhere.

Itwentonlikethatfortwohours,straightthroughasubduedand

anxiousdinner.Fritzseemedconcerned;inallthehundredsof

breathworksessionshehadledorwitnessed,hehadneverseensucha

reaction.(Hehadmentionedearlierasinglefatalityattributedto

holotropicbreathwork:amanwhohadhadananeurism.)NowIwas

worriedabouttomorrow,andIthinkhewastoo.Thoughhealso

wonderedifperhapswhatIwasfeelinginmyheartmightreflectsome

psychicshiftor“heartopening.”Iresistedtheimpliedmetaphor,holding

firmtotheplaneofphysiology:theheartisapump,andthisoneis

malfunctioning.Wediscussedtomorrow’splan.Maybewewanttogo

withalowerdose,Fritzsuggested;“you’resosusceptibleyoumightnot

needverymuchtojourney.”ItoldhimImightbailoutaltogether.And

then,assuddenlyasithadcomeon,Ifeltmyheartslipbackintothe

sweetgrooveofitsaccustomedrhythm.

Igotlittlesleepthatnightasadebateragedinmyheadaboutwhether

ornotIwascrazytoproceedinthemorningwithLSDatanydose.I

coulddieuphereandwouldn’tthatbestupid?ButwasIreallyinany

danger?Nowmyheartfeltfine,andfromeverythingIread,theeffectsof

LSDwereconfinedtothebrain,moreorless,leavingthecardiovascular

systemunaffected.Inretrospect,itmadeperfectsensethataprocessas

physicallyarduousasholotropicbreathworkwoulddiscombobulatethe

heart.*Yes,IcouldtakearaincheckonmyLSDjourney,buteventhe

thoughtofthatoptionlandedlikeacrushingdisappointment.Ihadcome

thisfar,andIhadhadthisintriguingglimpseintoastateof

consciousnessthatforallmytrepidationsIwaseagertoexploremore

deeply.

Thiswentonallnight,backandforth,proandcon,butbythetimethe

suncameup,theearliestraysthreadingtheneedlesoftheeasternpines,

Iwasresolved.Atbreakfast,ItoldFritzIfeltgoodandwantedto

proceed.Weagreed,however,togowithamodestdose—ahundred

micrograms,with“abooster”afteranhourortwoifIwantedone.

Fritzsentmeoutonawalktoclearmyheadandthinkaboutmy

intentionwhilehedidthedishesandreadiedtheyurtformyjourney.I

hikedforanhouronatrailthroughtheforest,whichhadbeenrefreshed

overnightbyarainshower;thecleansedairheldthescentofcedar,and

thebarklessredlimbsofthemanzanitawereglowing.Fritzhadtoldme

tolookforanobjecttoputonthealtar.WhileIwaslookingandwalking,

IdecidedIwouldaskFritztogivemehispledgethatifanything

whatsoeverwentwrong,hewouldcall911forhelpregardlessofthe

personalrisk.

Ireturnedtotheyurtaroundtenwithamanzanitaleafandasmooth

blackstoneinmypocketandastraightforwardintention:tolearn

whateverthejourneyhadtoteachmeaboutmyself.Fritzhadlitafirein

thewoodstove,andtheroomwasbeginningtogiveupitschill.Hehad

movedthemattressacrosstheroomsomyheadwouldbeclosetothe

speakers.Insombertones,hetalkedaboutwhattoexpectandhowto

handlevariousdifficultiesthatmightarise:“paranoia,spookyplaces,the

feelingyou’relosingyourmindorthatyouaredying.

“It’slikewhenyouseeamountainlion,”hesuggested.“Ifyourun,it

willchaseyou.Soyoumuststandyourground.”Iwasremindedofthe

“flightinstructions”thattheguidesemployedatJohnsHopkins:instead

ofturningawayfromanymonsterthatappears,movetowardit,stand

yourground,anddemandtoknow,“Whatareyoudoinginmymind?

Whatdoyouhavetoteachme?”

Iaddedmystoneandleaftothealtar,whichheldabronzeBuddha

surroundedbytheitemsofmanyprevioustravelers.“Somethinghard

andsomethingsoft,”Fritzobserved.IaskedfortheassurancesIneeded

toproceedandreceivedthem.NowhehandedmeaJapaneseteacupat

thebottomofwhichlayatinysquareofblotterpaperandthetornscraps

ofasecondsquare—thebooster.Onesideoftheblotterpaperhada

Buddhaprintedonit,theotheracartooncharacterIdidn’trecognize.I

putthesquareonmytongueand,takingasipofwater,swallowed.Fritz

didn’tperformmuchofaceremony,buthedidtalkaboutthe“sacred

tradition”Iwasnowjoining,thelineageofallthetribesandpeoples

downthroughtimeandaroundtheworldwhousedsuchmedicinesin

theirritesofinitiation.HereIwas,inrangeofmysixtiethbirthday,

takingLSDforthefirsttime.Itdidfeelsomethinglikeariteofpassage,

butapassagetowhere,exactly?

WhilewaitingfortheLSDtocomeon,wesatonthewoodenskirtof

deckingthatcircledtheyurt,chattingquietlyaboutthisandthat.Lifeup

hereonthemountain;thewildlifethatsharedthepropertywithhim

becausehedidn’tkeepadog:thereweremountainlions,bears,coyotes,

foxes,andrattlesnakes.Jittery,Itriedtochangethesubject;asitwas,I’d

beenafraidduringthenighttovisittheouthouse,choosinginsteadtopee

offtheporch.LionsandbearsandsnakeswerethelastthingIwantedto

thinkaboutjustnow.

Aroundeleven,ItoldFritzIwasstartingtofeelwobbly.HesuggestedI

liedownonthemattressandputonmyeyeshades.Assoonashestarted

themusic—somethingAmazonianinflavor,gentlyrhythmicwith

traditionalinstrumentsbutalsonaturesounds(rainshowersand

crickets)thatcreatedavividdimensionalsenseofoutdoorspace—Iwas

off,travelingsomewhereinmymind,inafullyrealizedforestlandscape

thatthemusichadsomehowsummonedintobeing.Itmademerealize

whatapowerfullittletechnologyapairofeyeshadescouldbe,atleastin

thiscontext:itwaslikedonningapairofvirtualrealitygoggles,allowing

meimmediatelytotakeleaveofthisplaceandtime.

IguessedIwashallucinating,yetthiswasnotatallwhatIexpectedan

LSDhallucinationtobe,whichwasoverpowering.ButFritzhadtoldme

thattheliteralmeaningofthewordistowanderinone’smind,andthat

wasexactlywhatIwasdoing,withthesamedesultoryindifferenceto

agencythewandererfeels.YetIstillhadagency:Icouldchangeatwill

thecontentsofmythoughts,butinthisdreamystate,sowideopento

suggestion,Iwashappytolettheterrain,andthemusic,dictatemypath.

Andforthenextseveralhoursthemusicdidjustthat,summoninginto

existenceasequenceofpsychiclandscapes,someofthempopulatedby

thepeopleclosesttome,othersexploredonmyown.Alotofthemusic

wasNewAgedrivel—thesortofstuffyoumighthearwhilegettinga

massageinahigh-endspa—yetneverhaditsoundedsoevocative,so

beautiful!Musichadbecomesomethingmuchgreaterandmore

profoundthanmeresound.Freelytrespassingthebordersoftheother

senses,itwaspalpableenoughtotouch,formingthree-dimensional

spacesIcouldmovethrough.

TheAmazonian-tribalsongputmeonatrailthatascendedsteeply

throughredwoods,followingaravinenotchedintoahillsidebythe

silverybladeofapowerfulstream.Iknowthisplace:itwasthetrailthat

risesfromStinsonBeachtoMountTamalpais.ButassoonasIsecured

thatrecognition,itmorphedintosomethingelseentirely.Nowthemusic

formedaverticalarchitectureofwoodentimbers,horizontalsand

verticalsanddiagonalsthatwerebeingmagicallycranedintoplace,

forminglevelsthatroseoneontopoftheother,everhigherintothesky

likeamultistoriedtreehouseunderconstruction,yetastructureasopen

totheairanditsinfluencesasawindchime.

IsawthateachlevelrepresentedanotherphaseinmylifewithJudith.

Therewewere,ascendingstagebystagethroughourmanyyears

together,beginningaskidswhometincollege,fallinginlove,living

togetherinthecity,gettingmarried,havingourson,Isaac,becominga

family,movingtothecountry.Now,hereatthetop,Iwatchedanew,as

yetinchoatestagebeingconstructedasindeedonenowis:whateverthis

lifetogetherisgoingtobenowthatIsaachasgrownupandlefthome.I

lookedhard,hopingforsomeclueaboutwhattoexpect,buttheonly

thingIcouldseeclearlywasthatthisnewstagewasbeingbuiltonthe

woodenscaffoldingofearlieronesandthereforepromisedtobesturdy.

Soitwent,songbysong,forhours.Somethingaboriginal,withthe

deepspookytonesofadidgeridoo,putmeunderground,moving

somehowthroughthebrownish-blackrootscapeofaforest.Itensed

momentarily:Wasthisabouttogetterrifying?HaveIdiedandbeen

interred?Ifso,Iwasfinewithit.Igotabsorbedwatchingawhitetracery

ofmyceliumthreadingamongtherootsandlinkingthetreesinanetwork

intricatebeyondcomprehension.Iknewallaboutthismycelialnetwork,

howitformsakindofarborealInternetallowingthetreesinaforestto

exchangeinformation,butnowwhathadbeenmerelyanintellectual

conceitwasavivid,feltrealityofwhichIhadbecomeapart.

Whenthemusicturnedmoremasculineormartial,asitnowdid,sons

andthenfathersfilledmymentalfield.Iwatchedaswiftlyunfolding

biopicofIsaac’slifetothispoint—hisstrugglesasanexquisitelysensitive

boy,andhowthosesensitivitieshadturnedintostrengths,makinghim

whoheis.IthoughtaboutthingsIneededtotellhim—aboutthesurging

prideIfeltasheembarkedonhisadultlifeandmadehiswayinanew

cityandcareer,butalsomyferventhopethathenothardenhimselfin

successordisownhisvulnerabilitiesandhissweetness.

IfeltsomethingonmyeyeshadesandrealizedIhadwetthemwithmy

tears.

Iwasalreadyfeelingwideopenandundefendedwhenitdawnedon

methatIwasn’ttalkingtoIsaac,ornotonlytohim,buttomyselfaswell.

Somethinghardandsomethingsoft:thepairedtermskeptturningover

likeacoin.ThenightbeforecomingtoFritz’splace,Ihadspokentotwo

thousandpeopleinaconcerthall,trackedacrossastagebyaspotlightas

Iplayedtheroleofthemanwiththeanswers,theonepeoplecould

dependontoexplainthings.ThiswasmuchthesameroleIplayedinmy

familygrowingup,notonlyformyyoungersisters,but,intimesofcrisis,

formyparentstoo.(Evennow,mysistersstubbornlyrefuseeverto

acceptfrommethewords“Idon’tknow.”)“Sonowlookatme!”I

thought,asmilebloomingonmyface:thisgrownmanblindfoldedand

laidoutonthefloorofapsychedelictherapist’syurt,chasingaftermy

mindasitwanderedheedlesslythroughthewoodsofmylife,warmtears

—ofwhat?Ididn’tknow!—slidingdownmycheeks.

ThiswasunfamiliarterritoryformeandnotatallwhereIexpectedto

findmyselfonLSD.Ihadn’ttraveledveryfarfromhome.Insteadofthe

demonsandangelsandvariousotherentitiesIwasexpectingtomeet,I

washavingaseriesofencounterswiththepeopleinmyfamily.Ivisited

eachoftheminturn,themusicsettingthetone,andtheemotionscame

overmeingreatwaves,whetherofadmiration(formysistersand

mother,whomIpicturedseatedaroundahorseshoe-shapedtable—like

theUN!—eachofthemrepresentingadifferentidealoffeminine

strength);gratitude;orcompassion,especiallyformyfather,amanboth

drivenandpursuedformuchofhislife,andsomeonewhombeforethis

momentI’dneverbeforefullyimaginedasason,andasonofferociously

demandingparents.

Thefloodtideofcompassionoverfloweditsbanksandleakedinto

someunexpectedplaces,likemyfourth-grademusicclass.HereI

inexplicablyencounteredpoorMr.Roper,thisearnestyoungmanina

cheapsuitwhoinspiteofheroiceffortscouldnotgetustogiveashit

aboutthesectionsofanorchestrahemappedontheboardorthe

charactersofthevariousinstruments,nomatterhowmanytimeshe

playedPeterandtheWolfforus.Ashepacedtheclassroominhis

excitement,wewouldwaitinbreathlesssuspenseforhimtosteponone

oftheupturnedthumbtacksweplacedinhispath,athrillforwhichwe

werewillingtoriskstayingafterschoolindetention.Butwhowasthis

Mr.Roper,really?Whycouldn’tweseethatbehindthecartoonfigurewe

torturedsomercilesslywas,nodoubt,adecentguywhowantednothing

morethantoigniteinushispassionformusic?Theunthinkingcrueltyof

childrensentaquickshiverofshamethroughme.Butthen:Whata

surfeitofcompassionImustbefeeling,tosparethatmuchforMr.Roper!

Andcrestingoveralltheseencounterscameacascadingdambreakof

love,loveforJudithandIsaacandeveryoneinmyfamily,loveevenfor

myimpossiblegrandmotherandherlong-sufferinghusband.Thenext

day,duringourintegrationsession,FritzreadfromhisnotestwothingsI

apparentlysaidaloudduringthispartofthejourney:“Idon’twanttobe

sostingywithmyfeelings.”And,“Allthistimespentworryingaboutmy

heart.Whataboutalltheotherheartsinmylife?”

Itembarrassesmetowritethesewords;theysoundsothin,sobanal.

Thisisafailureofmylanguage,nodoubt,butperhapsitisnotonlythat.

Psychedelicexperiencesarenotoriouslyhardtorenderinwords;totryis

necessarilytodoviolencetowhathasbeenseenandfelt,whichisinsome

fundamentalwaypre-orpost-linguisticor,asstudentsofmysticismsay,

ineffable.Emotionsarriveinalltheirnewbornnakedness,unprotected

fromtheharshlightofscrutinyand,especially,thepitilessglareofirony.

Platitudesthatwouldn’tseemoutofplaceonaHallmarkcardglowwith

theforceofrevealedtruth.

Loveiseverything.

Okay,butwhatelsedidyoulearn?

No—youmustnothaveheardme:it’severything!

Isaplatitudesodeeplyfeltstilljustaplatitude?No,Idecided.A

platitudeispreciselywhatisleftofatruthafterithasbeendrainedofall

emotion.Toresaturatethatdriedhuskwithfeelingistoseeitagainfor

whatitis:theloveliestandmostdeeplyrootedoftruths,hiddeninplain

sight.Aspiritualinsight?Maybeso.Oratleastthat’showitappearedin

themiddleofmyjourney.Psychedelicscanmakeeventhemostcynicalof

usintoferventevangelistsoftheobvious.

Youcouldsaythemedicinemakesyoustupid,butaftermyjourney

throughwhatmustsoundlikeabanalandsentimentallandscape,Idon’t

thinkthat’sit.Forwhatafterallisthesenseofbanality,ortheironic

perspective,ifnottwoofthesturdierdefensestheadultegodeploysto

keepfrombeingoverwhelmed—byouremotions,certainly,butperhaps

alsobyoursenses,whichareliableatanytimetoastonishuswithnews

ofthesheerwonderoftheworld.Ifweareevertogetthroughtheday,we

needtoputmostofwhatweperceiveintoboxesneatlylabeled“Known,”

tobequicklyshelvedwithlittlethoughttothemarvelstherein,and

“Novel,”towhich,understandably,wepaymoreattention,atleastuntilit

isn’tthatanymore.Apsychedelicisliabletotakealltheboxesoffthe

shelf,openandremoveeventhemostfamiliaritems,turningthemover

andimaginativelyscrubbingthemuntiltheyshineonceagainwiththe

lightoffirstsight.Isthisreclassificationofthefamiliarawasteoftime?If

itis,thensoisalotofart.Itseemstomethereisgreatvalueinsuch

renovation,themoresoaswegrowolderandcometothinkwe’veseen

andfeltitallbefore.

YetonehundredmicrogramsofLSDhadsurelynotpropelledmeinto

thelapofGod,asithadLeoZeff;evenafterthebooster(anotherfifty

micrograms,whichIwaseagertotake,inhopesofgoingdeeperand

longer).Ineverachievedatranscendent,“non-dual”or“mystical-like”

experience,andasIrecappedthejourneywithFritzthefollowing

morning,Iregisteredacertaindisappointment.Butthenovelplaneof

consciousnessI’dspentafewhourswanderingonhadbeeninteresting

andpleasurableand,Ithink,usefultome.Iwouldhavetoseeifitseffects

endured,butitfeltasthoughtheexperiencehadopenedmeupin

unexpectedways.

Becausetheacidhadnotcompletelydissolvedmyego,Inever

completelylosttheabilitytoredirectthestreamofmyconsciousnessor

theawarenessitwasinfactmine.Butthestreamitselffeltdistinctly

different,lesssubjecttowilloroutsideinterference.Itremindedmeof

thepleasantlybizarrementalspacethatsometimesopensupatnightin

bedwhenwe’repoisedbetweenthestatesofbeingawakeandfalling

asleep—so-calledhypnagogicconsciousness.Theegoseemstosignoffa

fewmomentsbeforetherestoftheminddoes,leavingthefieldof

consciousnessunsupervisedandvulnerabletogentleeruptionsof

imageryandhallucinatorysnatchesofnarrative.Imaginethatstate

extendedindefinitely,yetwithsomeabilitytodirectyourattentiontothis

orthat,asifinanespeciallyvividandabsorbingdaydream.Unlikea

daydream,however,youarefullypresenttothecontentsofwhatever

narrativeisunfolding,completelyinsideitandbeyondthereachof

distraction.Ihadlittlechoicebuttoobeythedaydream’slogic,its

ontologicalandepistemologicalrules,until,eitherbyforceofwillorby

thefreshnotesofanewsong,thementalchannelwouldchangeandI

wouldfindmyselfsomewhereelseentirely.

This,Iguess,iswhathappenswhentheego’sgriponthemindis

relaxedbutnoteliminated,asalargerdosewouldprobablyhavedone.

“Forthemomentthatinterferingneuroticwho,inwakinghours,triesto

runtheshow,wasblessedlyoutoftheway,”asAldousHuxleyputitin

TheDoorsofPerception.Notentirelyoutofthewayinmycase,butthe

LSDhaddefinitelymuffledthatcontrollingvoice,andinthatlightly

regulatedspaceallsortsofinterestingthingscouldbubbleup,thingsthat

anyself-respectingegowouldprobablyhavekeptsubmerged.

IhadhadapsycholyticdoseofLSD,onethatallowedthepatientto

explorehispsycheinanunconstrainedbutstilldeliberatemannerwhile

remainingsufficientlycombobulatedtotalkaboutit.Formeitfeltless

likeadrugexperience—theLSDfeelscompletelytransparent,withnone

ofthephysiologicalnoiseIassociatewithotherpsychoactivedrugs—than

anovelmodeofcognition,fallingsomewherebetweenintellectionand

feeling.Ihadconjuredseveralofthepeopleclosesttome,andinthe

presenceofeachofthemhadcomestrongeremotionsthanIhadfeltin

sometime.Adamhadbeenbreached,andthesensationofreleasefelt

wonderful.Too,afewgenuineinsightshademergedfromthese

encounters,liketheoneaboutmyfatherasason,whichturnedonanact

ofimagination(ofempathy)thatevengrownchildrenseldomhave

sufficientdistancetoperform.Duringourintegrationsession,Fritz

mentionedthatsomepeopleonLSDhaveanexperiencethatincontent

andcharacterismorelikeMDMAthanaclassicpsychedelictrip;maybe

whatIhadhadwastheMDMAsessionI’dhadtopassup.Thenotionofa

fewyearsofpsychotherapycondensedintoseveralhoursseemedabout

right,especiallyafterFritzandIspentthatmorningunpackingthescenes

frommyjourney.

AsIsteeredmyrentalcardownthemountainandtowardtheairport

fortheflighthome,Iwasrelievedthattheexperiencehadbeensobenign

(Ihadsurvived!Hadrousednosleepingmonstersinmyunconscious!)

andgratefulithadbeenproductive.Allthatdayandwellintothenext,a

high-pressuresystemofwell-beingdominatedmypsychologicalweather.

Judithfoundmeunusuallychattyandavailable;myusualimpatience

wasinabeyance,andIcouldoutlastheratthetableafterdinner,beingin

nohurrytogetupanddothedishessoIcouldmoveontothenextthing

andthenthethingafterthat.IguessedthiswastheafterglowI’dread

about,andforafewdaysitcastapleasantlytheatricallightover

everything,italicizingtheordinaryinsuchawayastomakemefeel

uncommonly...appreciative.

Itdidn’tlast,however,andintimeIgrewdisappointedthatthe

experiencehadn’tbeenmoretransformative.Ihadbeengrantedataste

ofaslightlyotherwaytobe—lessdefended,Iwouldsay,andsomore

present.AndnowthatIhadacquaintedmyselfwiththeterritoryand

returnedfromthisfirstforaymoreorlessintact,Idecideditwastimeto

venturefartherout.

TripTwo:Psilocybin

Mysecondjourneybeganaroundanaltar,inthemiddleofasecond-story

loftinasuburbofasmallcityontheEasternSeaboard.Thealtarwas

beingprayedoverbyanattractivewomanwithlongblondhairpartedin

themiddleandhighcheekbonesthatImentiononlybecausetheywould

laterfigureinhertransformationintoaMexicanIndian.Seatedacross

thealtarfromme,Mary’seyeswereclosedassherecitedalongand

elaborateNativeAmericanprayer.Sheinvokedinturnthepowerofeach

ofthecardinaldirections,thefourelements,andtheanimal,plant,and

mineralrealms,thespiritsofwhichsheimploredtohelpguidemeonmy

journey.

Myeyeswereclosedtoo,butnowandagainIcouldn’tresistpeeking

outtotakeinthescene:thesquash-coloredloftwithitspottedplantsand

symbolsoffertilityandfemalepower;theembroideredpurplefabric

fromPeruthatcoveredthealtar;andthecollectionofitemsarrayed

acrossit,includinganamethystintheshapeofaheart,apurplecrystal

holdingacandle,littlecupsfilledwithwater,abowlholdingafew

rectanglesofdarkchocolate,thetwo“sacreditems”shehadaskedmeto

bring(abronzeBuddhaaclosefriendhadbroughtbackfromatriptothe

East;thepsilocybincoinRolandGriffithshadgivenmeatourfirst

meeting),and,squarelybeforeme,anantiqueplatedecoratedina

grandmotherlyfloralpatternthatheldthebiggestpsilocybinmushroomI

hadeverseen.ItwashardtobelieveIwasabouttoeatthewholething.

ThecrowdedaltaralsoheldabranchofsageandastubofPaloSanto,

afragrantSouthAmericanwoodthatIndiansburnceremonially,andthe

jet-blackwingofacrow.Atvariouspointsintheceremony,Marylitthe

sageandthePaloSanto,usingthewingto“smudge”mewiththesmoke—

guidethespiritsthroughthespacearoundmyhead.Thewingmadean

otherworldlywhooshassheflickeditbymyear,thespookysoundofa

largebirdcomingtoocloseforcomfort,oradarkspiritbeingshooed

awayfromabody.

Thewholethingmustsoundridiculouslyhokey,Iknow,butthe

convictionMarybroughttotheceremony,togetherwiththearomasof

theburningplantsandthesoundsofthewingpulsingtheair—plusmy

ownnervousnessaboutthejourneyinstore—castaspellthatallowedme

tosuspendmydisbelief.Ihaddecidedtogivemyselfuptothisbig

mushroom,andforMary,theguidetowhomIhadentrustedmypsyche

forthisjourney,ceremonycountedforasmuchaschemistry.Inthisshe

wasactingmorelikeashamanthanapsychologist.

MaryhadbeenrecommendedbyaguideI’dinterviewedontheWest

Coast,arabbiwhohadtakenaninterestinmypsychedeliceducation.

Mary,whowasmyage,hadtrainedwiththeeighty-somethingstudentof

TimothyLearywhomIhadinterviewedanddecidedwasalittletoofar

outthereforme.OnemightthinkthesameofMary,onpaper,but

somethingabouthermanner,hersobriety,andherevidentcompassion

madememorecomfortableinherpresence.

MaryhadpracticedthewholegrabbagofNewAgetherapies,from

energyhealingtospiritualpsychologytofamilyconstellationtherapy,*

beforebeingintroducedtomedicineworkwhenshewasfifty.(“Itcreated

thegluethatbroughttogetherallthisotherworkI’dbeendoing.”)Atthe

time,Maryhadusedapsychedeliconlyonceandlongago:athertwenty-

firstbirthdaypartywhileincollege.Afriendhadgivenherajarofhoney

lacedwithpsilocybinmushrooms.Maryimmediatelywentuptoher

room,atetwoorthreespoonfuls,“andhadthemostprofoundexperience

ofbeingwithGod.IwasGodandGodwasme.”Friendswhohadbeen

partyingdownstairscameuptoknockatherdoor,butMarywasgone.

AsachildgrowingupoutsideProvidence,Maryhadbeenan

enthusiasticCatholic,until“IrealizedIwasagirl”—afactthatwould

disqualifyherfromeverperformingtheceremoniesshecherished.

Mary’sreligiositylaydormantuntilthattasteofhoney,which“catapulted

meintoahugechange,”shetoldmethefirsttimewemet.“Idroppedinto

somethingIhadn’tfeltconnectedtosinceIwasalittlegirl.”The

reawakeningofherspirituallifeledherontothepathofTibetan

Buddhismandeventuallytotakethevowofaninitiate:“‘Toassistall

sentientbeingsintheirawakeningandtheirenlightenment.’Whichis

stillmyvocation.”

Andnowsittingbeforeherinhertreatmentroomwasme,thenext

sentientbeingondeck,hopingtobewakened.Isharedmyintention:to

learnwhatIcouldaboutmyselfandalsoaboutthenatureof

consciousness—myownbutalsoits“transpersonal”dimension,ifsucha

dimensionexists.

“Themushroomteacherhelpsustoseewhowereallyare,”Marysaid,

“bringsusbacktooursoul’spurposeforbeinghereinthislifetime.”Ican

imaginehowthesewordsmightsoundtoanoutsider.ButbynowIwas

inuredtotheNewAgelingo,perhapsbecauseIhadglimpsedthe

potentialforsomethingmeaningfulbehindthewell-wornwords.I’dalso

beenimpressedbyMary’sintelligenceandherprofessionalism.In

additiontohavingmeconsenttothestandard“agreements”(bowingto

herauthorityfortheduration;remainingintheroomuntilshegaveme

permissiontoleave;nosexualcontact;andsoon),shehadmefillouta

detailedmedicalform,alegalrelease,andafifteen-pageautobiographical

questionnairethattookmethebetterpartofadaytocomplete.Allof

whichmademefeelIwasingoodhands—evenwhenthosehandswere

flappingacrow’swingaroundmyhead.

Yet,asIsattherebeforethealtar,itseemeddoubtfulIcouldchoke

downthatwholemushroom.Ithadtobefiveorsixincheslong,witha

capthesizeofagolfball.IaskedherifIcouldcrumbleitintoaglassof

hotwater,makeatea,anddrinkit.

“Bettertobefullyconsciousofwhatyou’redoing,”shesaid,“whichis

eatingamushroomthatcamefromtheearth,onebiteatatime.Examine

itfirst,closely,thenstartatthecap.”Sheofferedmeachoiceofhoneyor

chocolatetohelpgetitdown;Iwentwiththechocolate.Maryhadtold

methatafriendofhersgrowsthepsilocybinandhadlearnedthecraft

yearsagoinamushroomcultivationworkshoptaughtbyPaulStamets.It

seemsthereisonlyoneortwodegreesofseparationbetweenanytwo

peopleinthisworld.

Onthetongue,themushroomwasdryasthedesertandtastedlike

earth-flavoredcardboard,butalternatingeachbitewithanibbleofthe

chocolatehelped.Exceptforthegnarlybitattheverybaseofthestipe,I

ateallofit,whichamountedtotwograms.Maryplannedtoofferme

anothertwogramsalongtheway,foratotaloffour.Thiswouldroughly

approximatethedosebeinggiventovolunteersintheNYUandHopkins

trialsandwasequivalenttoroughlythreehundredmicrogramsofLSD—

twiceasmuchasIhadtakenwithFritz.

WechattedquietlyfortwentyminutesorsobeforeMarynoticedmy

facewasflushedandsuggestedIliedownandputoneyeshades.Ichosea

pairofhigh-techblackplasticones,whichinretrospectmighthavebeen

amistake.Theperimeterswerelinedwithsoftblackfoamrubber,

allowingthewearertoopenhiseyestopitchdarkness.Calledthe

MindfoldRelaxationMask,Marytoldme,ithadbeenexpresslydesigned

forthispurposebyAlexGrey,thepsychedelicartist.

AssoonasMaryputonthefirstsong—atrulyinsipidNewAge

compositionbysomeonenamedThierryDavid(anartistthrice

nominated,Iwouldlaterlearn,inthecategoryofBestChill/Groove

Album)—Iwasimmediatelypropelledintoanighttimeurbanlandscape

thatappearedtohavebeengeneratedbyacomputer.Onceagain,sound

begatspace(“inthebeginningwasthenote,”Irememberthinking,witha

senseofprofundity),andwhatItooktobeThierry’selectronicaconjured

adepopulatedfuturisticcity,witheachnoteforminganothersoftblack

stalagmiteorstalactitethattogetherresembledthehigh-relief

soundproofingmaterialusedtolinerecordingstudios.(Theblackfoam

formingthishigh-relieflandscape,Irealizedlater,wasthesamematerial

liningmyeyeshades.)Imovedeffortlesslythroughthisdigitalnightscape

asifwithintheconfinesofavideo-gamedystopia.Thoughtheplace

wasn’tparticularlyfrightening,andithadacertainsleekbeauty,Ihated

beinginitandwishedtobesomewhereelse,butitwentonseemingly

foreverandforhours,withnowayout.ItoldMaryIdidn’tlikethe

electronicmusicandaskedhertoputonsomethingelse,butthoughthe

feelingtonechangedwiththenewmusic,Iwasstillstuckinthissunless

computerworld.Why,oh,whycouldn’tIbeoutside!Innature?BecauseI

hadnevermuchenjoyedvideogames,thisseemedcruel,anexpulsion

fromthegarden:noplants,nopeople,nosunlight.

Notthatthecomputerworldwasn’taninterestingplacetoexplore.I

watchedinaweas,onebyone,musicalnotesturnedintopalpableforms

beforemyeyes.Annoyingmusicwasthepresidingdeityoftheplace,the

generativeforce.Eventhemostspa-appropriateNewAgecomposition

hadthepowertospawnfractalpatternsinspacethatgrewandbranched

andmultipliedtoinfinity.Weirdly,everythinginmyvisualfieldwas

black,butinsomanydifferentshadesthatitwaseasytosee.Iwas

traversingaworldgeneratedbymathematicalalgorithms,andthisgaveit

acertainalienated,lifelessbeauty.Butwhoseworldwasit?Notmine,

andIbegantowonder,whosebrainamIin?(Please,notThierry

David’s!)

“Thiscouldeasilytakeaterrifyingturn,”itoccurredtome,andwith

thatadimtideofanxietybegantobuild.Recallingtheflightinstructions,

Itoldmyselftherewasnothingtodobutletgoandsurrendertothe

experience.Relaxandfloatdownstream.Thiswasnotatalllikeprevious

trips,whichhadleftmemoreorlessthecaptainofmyattention,ableto

directitthiswayorthatandchangethementalchannelatwill.No,this

wasmorelikebeingstrappedintothefrontcarofacosmicrollercoaster,

itsheedlessheadlongtrajectorydeterminingmomentbymomentwhat

wouldappearinmyfieldofconsciousness.

Actually,thisisnotcompletelyaccurate:allIhadtodowastoremove

myeyeshadesandreality,oratleastsomethinglooselybasedonit,would

reconstituteitself.ThisiswhatInowdid,partlytosatisfymyselfthatthe

worldwasstillexistingbutmostlybecauseIbadlyhadtopee.

Sunlightandcolorfloodedmyeyes,andIdrankitingreedily,

surveyingtheroomforthewelcomesignifiersofnon-digitalreality:walls,

windows,plants.Butallofitappearedinanewaspect:jeweledwithlight.

IrealizedIshouldprobablyputonmyglasses,whichpartlydomesticated

thescene,butonlypartly:objectscontinuedtosendtheirsparklesoflight

myway.Igotupcarefullyfromthemattress,firstontooneknee,then,

unsteadily,ontomyfeet.Marytookmebytheelbow,geriatrically,and

togetherwemadethejourneyacrosstheroom.Iavoidedlookingather,

uncertainwhatImightseeinherfaceorbetrayinmine.Atthebathroom

doorsheletgoofmyelbow.

Inside,thebathroomwasariotofsparklinglight.ThearcofwaterI

sentforthwastrulythemostbeautifulthingIhadeverseen,awaterfallof

diamondscascadingintoapool,breakingitssurfaceintoabillion

clatteringfractalsoflight.Thiswentonforapleasanteternity.WhenI

wasoutofdiamonds,Iwenttothesinkandsplashedmyfacewithwater,

makingsurenottocatchsightofmyselfinthemirror,whichseemedlike

apsychologicallyriskythingtodo.Imademyunsteadywaybacktothe

mattressandlaydown.

Speakingsoftly,MaryaskedifIwantedabooster.Ididandsatupto

receiveit.Marywassquattingnexttome,andwhenIfinallylookedup

intoherface,IsawshehadturnedintoMaríaSabina,theMexican

curanderawhohadgivenpsilocybintoR.GordonWassoninthatdirt

basementinHuautladeJiménezsixtyyearsago.Herhairwasblack,her

face,stretchedtautoveritshighcheekbones,wasancientlyweathered,

andshewaswearingasimplewhitepeasantdress.Itookthedried

mushroomfromthewoman’swrinkledbrownhandandlookedawayasI

chewed.Ididn’tthinkIshouldtellMarywhathadhappenedtoher.

(Later,whenIdid,shewasflattered:MaríaSabinawasherhero.)

•••

BUTTHEREWASSOMETHINGIneededtodobeforeputtingmyeyeshades

backonandgoingbackunder,alittleexperimentIhadtoldMaryI

wantedtoperformonmyselfduringmytrip.Iwasn’tsureifinmy

conditionIcouldpullitoff,butI’dfoundthateveninthemiddleofthe

journeyitwaspossibletosummononeselftoasemblanceofnormality

forafewmomentsatatime.

Loadedonmylaptopwasabriefvideoofarotatingfacemask,usedin

apsychologicaltestcalledthebinoculardepthinversionillusion.Asthe

maskrotatesinspace,itsconvexsideturningtorevealitsconcaveback,

somethingremarkablehappens:thehollowmaskappearstopopoutto

becomeconvexagain.Thisisatrickperformedbythemind,which

assumesallfacestobeconvex,andsoautomaticallycorrectsforthe

seemingerror—unless,asaneuroscientisthadtoldme,onewasunder

theinfluenceofapsychedelic.

Thisauto-correctfeatureisahallmarkofourperception,whichinthe

sane,adultmindisbasedasmuchoneducatedguessworkastherawdata

ofthesenses.Byadulthood,themindhasgottenverygoodatobserving

andtestingrealityanddevelopingconfidentpredictionsaboutitthat

optimizeourinvestmentsofenergy(mentalandotherwise)andtherefore

oursurvival.Soratherthanstartingfromscratchtobuildanew

perceptionfromeverybatchofrawdatadeliveredbythesenses,themind

jumpstothemostsensibleconclusionbasedonpastexperience

combinedwithatinysampleofthatdata.Ourbrainsareprediction

machinesoptimizedbyexperience,andwhenitcomestofaces,theyhave

boatloadsofexperience:facesarealwaysconvex,sothishollowmask

mustbeapredictionerrortobecorrected.

Theseso-calledBayesianinferences(namedforThomasBayes,the

eighteenth-centuryEnglishphilosopherwhodevelopedthemathematics

ofprobability,onwhichthesementalpredictionsarebased)serveuswell

mostofthetime,speedingperceptionwhilesavingeffortandenergy,but

theycanalsotrapusinliterallypreconceivedimagesofrealitythatare

simplyfalse,asinthecaseoftherotatingmask.

YetitturnsoutthatBayesianinferencebreaksdowninsomepeople:

schizophrenicsand,accordingtosomeneuroscientists,peopleonhigh

dosesofpsychedelicsdrugs,neitherofwhom“see”inthispredictiveor

conventionalizedmanner.(Nordoyoungchildren,whohaveyettobuild

thesortofdatabasenecessaryforconfidentpredictions.)Thisraisesan

interestingquestion:Isitpossiblethattheperceptionsofschizophrenics,

peopletrippingonpsychedelics,andyoungchildrenare,atleastin

certaininstances,moreaccurate—lessinfluencedbyexpectationand

thereforemorefaithfultoreality—thanthoseofsaneandsoberadults?

Beforewestarted,Ihadcuedupthevideoonmylaptop,andnowI

clickedtorunit.Themaskonthescreen,grayagainstablackground,

wasclearlytheproductofcomputeranimationandwasuncannily

consistentwiththevisualstyleoftheworldI’dbeenin.(Duringmy

integrationsessionwithMarythenextday,shesuggestedthatitmight

havebeenthisimageonmylaptopthathadconjuredthecomputerworld

andtrappedmeinit.Couldtherebeabetterdemonstrationofthepower

ofsetandsetting?)Astheconvexfacerotatedtorevealitsconcaveback,

themaskpoppedbackout,onlyabitmoreslowlythanitdidbeforeIate

themushroom.Evidently,Bayesianinferencewasstilloperationalinmy

brain.I’dtryagainlater.

•••

WHENIPUTMYEYESHADESbackonandlaydown,Iwasdisappointedto

findmyselfbackincomputerworld,butsomethinghadchanged,no

doubttheresultofthestepped-updose.WhereasbeforeInavigatedthis

landscapeasmyself,takinginthescenefromaperspectiverecognizable

asmyown,withmyattitudesintact(highlycriticalofthemusic,for

instance,andanxiousaboutwhatdemonsmightappear),nowIwatched

asthatfamiliarselfbegantofallapartbeforemyeyes,graduallyatfirst

andthenallatonce.

“I”nowturnedintoasheafoflittlepapers,nobiggerthanPost-its,and

theywerebeingscatteredtothewind.Butthe“I”takinginthisseeming

catastrophehadnodesiretochaseaftertheslipsandpilemyoldselfback

together.Nodesiresofanykind,infact.WhoeverInowwaswasfinewith

whateverhappened.Nomoreego?Thatwasokay,infactthemost

naturalthingintheworld.AndthenIlookedandsawmyselfoutthere

again,butthistimespreadoverthelandscapelikepaint,orbutter,thinly

coatingawideexpanseoftheworldwithasubstanceIrecognizedasme.

Butwhowasthis“I”thatwasabletotakeinthesceneofitsown

dissolution?Goodquestion.Itwasn’tme,exactly.Here,thelimitsofour

languagebecomeaproblem:inordertocompletelymakesenseofthe

dividethathadopenedupinmyperspective,Iwouldneedawholenew

first-personpronoun.Forwhatwasobservingthescenewasavantage

andmodeofawarenessentirelydistinctfrommyaccustomedself;infact

Ihesitatetousethe“I”todenotethepresidingawareness,itwasso

differentfrommyusualfirstperson.Wherethatselfhadalwaysbeena

subjectencapsulatedinthisbody,thisoneseemedunboundedbyany

body,eventhoughInowhadaccesstoitsperspective.Thatperspective

wassupremelyindifferent,neutralonallquestionsofinterpretation,and

unperturbedeveninthefaceofwhatshouldbyallrightshavebeenan

unmitigatedpersonaldisaster.Yetthe“personal”hadbeenobliterated.

EverythingIoncewasandcalledme,thisselfsixdecadesinthemaking,

hadbeenliquefiedanddispersedoverthescene.Whathadalwaysbeena

thinking,feeling,perceivingsubjectbasedinherewasnowanobjectout

there.Iwaspaint!

Thesovereignego,withallitsarmamentsandfears,itsbackward-

lookingresentmentsandforward-lookingworries,wassimplynomore,

andtherewasnoonelefttomournitspassing.Yetsomethinghad

succeededit:thisbaredisembodiedawareness,whichgazeduponthe

sceneoftheself’sdissolutionwithbenignindifference.Iwaspresentto

realitybutassomethingotherthanmyself.Andalthoughtherewasno

selflefttofeel,exactly,therewasafeelingtone,whichwascalm,

unburdened,content.Therewaslifeafterthedeathoftheego.Thiswas

bignews.

WhenIthinkbackonthispartoftheexperience,I’veoccasionally

wonderedifthisenduringawarenessmighthavebeenthe“Mindat

Large”thatAldousHuxleydescribedduringhismescalinetripin1953.

Huxleyneverquitedefinedwhathemeantbytheterm—excepttospeak

of“thetotalityoftheawarenessbelongingtoMindatLarge”—buthe

seemstobedescribingauniversal,shareableformofconsciousness

unboundedbyanysinglebrain.Othershavecalleditcosmic

consciousness,theOversoul,orUniversalMind.Thisissupposedtoexist

outsideourbrains—asapropertyoftheuniverse,likelightorgravity,and

justaspervasive.Constitutivetoo.Certainindividualsatcertaintimes

gainaccesstothisawareness,allowingthemtoperceiverealityinits

perfectedlight,atleastforatime.

Nothinginmyexperienceledmetobelievethisnovelformof

consciousnessoriginatedoutsideme;itseemsjustasplausible,and

surelymoreparsimonious,toassumeitwasaproductofmybrain,just

liketheegoitsupplanted.Yetthisbyitselfstrikesmeasaremarkable

gift:thatwecanletgoofsomuch—thedesires,fears,anddefensesofa

lifetime!—withoutsufferingcompleteannihilation.Thismightnotcome

asasurprisetoBuddhists,transcendentalists,orexperiencedmeditators,

butitwassurenewstome,whohasneverfeltanythingbutidenticalto

myego.Coulditbethereisanothergroundonwhichtoplantourfeet?

Forthefirsttimesinceembarkingonthisproject,Ibegantounderstand

whatthevolunteersinthecancer-anxietytrialshadbeentryingtotell

me:howitwasthatapsychedelicjourneyhadgrantedthemaperspective

fromwhichtheveryworstlifecanthrowatus,uptoandincludingdeath,

couldberegardedobjectivelyandacceptedwithequanimity.

•••

ACTUALLY,thisunderstandingarrivedalittlelater,duringthelastpartof

mypsilocybintrip,whenthejourneytookadarkerturn.Afterspending

anunknownnumberofhoursincomputerworld—fortimewas

completelylostonme—Iregisteredthedesiretocheckbackinonreality,

andtopeeagain.Samedeal:Maryguidedmetothebathroombythe

elbow,geriatrically,andleftmetheretoproduceanotherspectacular

cropofdiamonds.ButthistimeIdaredtolookinthemirror.What

lookedbackatmewasahumanskull,butforthethinnest,palestlayerof

skinstretchedoverit,tightasadrum.Thebathroomwasdecoratedina

Mexicanfolkarttheme,andthehead/skullimmediatelyputmeinmind

oftheDayoftheDead.Withitsdeepsocketsandlightningboltofvein

zigzaggingdownitstempleononeside,Irecognizedthisashen

head/skullasmyownbutatthesametimeasmydeadgrandfather’s.

Thiswassurprising,ifonlybecauseBob,myfather’sfather,isnot

someonewithwhomIeverfeltmuchincommon.InfactIlovedhimfor

allthewaysheseemedunlikeme—oranyoneelseIknew.Bobwasa

preternaturallysunnyandseeminglyuncomplicatedmanincapableof

thinkingillofanyoneorseeingevilintheworld.(Hiswife,Harriet,amply

compensatedforhisgenerosityofspirit.)Bobhadalongcareerasa

liquorsalesman,makingtheweeklyroundsofthenightclubsinTimes

Squareforacompanythateveryonebutheknewwasownedbythemob.

UponreachingtheageIamnow,heretiredtobecomeapainteroflovely

naivelandscapesandabstractionsinspectacularcolors;I’dbroughtone

ofthemwithmetoMary’sroom,alongwithawatercolorofJudith’s.Bob

wasagenuinelyhappy,angst-freemanwholivedtobeninety-six,his

paintingsbecomingevermorecolorful,abstract,andfreetowardtheend.

Toseehimsovividlyinmyreflectionwaschilling.Afewyearsbefore,

visitingBobinthenursinghomeintheColoradodesertwherehewould

soondie,I’dwatchedwhathadbeenafitandvigorousman(ithadbeen

hishabittostandonhisheadeverydaywellintohiseighties)contract

intoaparenthesisofskinandbonesmaroonedinatinybed.The

esophagealmusclesrequiredtoswallowhadgivenout,andhewas

tetheredtoafeedingtube.Bythen,hissituationwaspitifulinsomany

respects,butforsomereasonIfixedonthefactthatneveragainwoulda

tasteoffoodevercrosshislips.

Isplashedcoldwateronourjointfaceandmademyunsteadyway

backtoMary.

Riskinganotherglanceather,thistimeIwasrewardedbythesightof

aravishingyoungwoman,blondonceagainbutnowinthefullradiance

ofyouth.MarywassobeautifulIhadtolookaway.

Shegavemeanothersmallmushroom—gramnumberfour—anda

pieceofchocolate.BeforeIputonmyeyeshade,Iattemptedtoconduct

therotatingmasktestasecondtime...anditwasacompletebust,

neitherconfirmingnordisprovingthehypothesis.Asthemaskbeganto

rotate,graduallybringingitsbacksideintoview,thewholething

dissolvedintoagrayjellythatsliddownthescreenofmylaptopbeforeI

coulddeterminewhetherthemeltingmaskIwaswatchingwasconvexor

concave.Somuchforconductingpsychologicalexperimentswhile

tripping.

Iputonmyeyeshadesandsankbackdownintowhatnowbecamea

crackedandparcheddesertlandscapedensewithartifactsandimagesof

death.Bleachedskullsandbonesandthefacesofthefamiliardead

passedbeforeme,auntsandunclesandgrandparents,friendsand

teachersandmyfather-in-law—withavoicetellingmeIhadfailedto

properlymournallofthem.Itwastrue.Ihadneverreallyreckonedthe

deathofanyoneinmylife;somethinghadalwaysgottenintheway.I

coulddoithereandnowanddid.

Ilookedhardateachoftheirfaces,oneafteranother,withapitythat

seemedbottomlessbutwithnofearwhatsoever.Exceptonce,whenI

cametomyauntRuthellenandwatched,horrified,asherfaceslowly

transformedintoJudith’s.RuthellenandJudithwerebothartists,and

bothhadbeendiagnosedwithbreastcanceraroundthesametime.The

cancerhadkilledRuthellenandsparedJudith.SowhatwasJudithdoing

downhereamongtheunmourneddead?HadIbeendefendingmyself

againstthatpossibilityallthistime?Heartwideopen,defensesmelting,

thetearsbegantoflow.

•••

I’VELEFTOUToneimportantpartofmyjourneytotheunderworld:the

soundtrack.Beforegoingbackunderforthislastpassage,Ihadasked

Marytopleasestopplayingspamusicandputonsomethingclassical.We

settledonthesecondofBach’sunaccompaniedcellosuites,performedby

Yo-YoMa.ThesuiteinDminorisaspareandmournfulpiecethatI’d

heardmanytimesbefore,oftenatfunerals,butuntilthismomentIhad

nevertrulylistenedtoit.

Though“listen”doesn’tbegintodescribewhattranspiredbetweenme

andthevibrationsofairsetinmotionbythefourstringsofthatcello.

Neverbeforehasapieceofmusicpiercedmeasdeeplyasthisonedid

now.Thougheventocallit“music”istodiminishwhatnowbeganto

flow,whichwasnothinglessthanthestreamofhumanconsciousness,

somethinginwhichonemightgleantheverymeaningoflifeand,ifyou

couldbearit,readlife’slastchapter.(Aquestionformed:Whydon’twe

playmusiclikethisatbirthsaswellasfunerals?Andtheanswercame

immediately:thereistoomuchlife-already-livedinthispiece,and

poignancyforthepassingoftimethatnobirth,nobeginning,could

possiblywithstandit.)

Fourhoursandfourgramsofmagicmushroomintothejourney,this

iswhereIlostwhateverabilityIstillhadtodistinguishsubjectfrom

object,tellapartwhatremainedofmeandwhatwasBach’smusic.

InsteadofEmerson’stransparenteyeball,egolessandonewithallit

beheld,Ibecameatransparentear,indistinguishablefromthestreamof

soundthatfloodedmyconsciousnessuntiltherewasnothingelseinit,

notevenadrytinycornerinwhichtoplantanIandobserve.Openedto

themusic,Ibecamefirstthestrings,couldfeelonmyskintheexquisite

frictionofthehorsehairrubbingoverme,andthenthebreezeofsound

flowingpastasitcrossedthelipsoftheinstrumentandwentouttomeet

theworld,beginningitslonelytransitoftheuniverse.ThenIpassed

downintotheresonantblackwellofspaceinsidethecello,thevibrating

envelopeofairformedbythecurvesofitsspruceroofandmaplewalls.

Theinstrument’swoodeninteriorformedamouthcapableof

unparalleledeloquence—indeed,ofarticulatingeverythingahuman

couldconceive.Butthecello’sinterioralsoformedaroomtowriteinand

askullinwhichtothinkandIwasnowit,withnoremainder.

SoIbecamethecelloandmournedwithitforthetwentyorsominutes

ittookforthatpieceto,well,changeeverything.Orsoitseemed;now,its

vibrationssubsiding,I’mlesscertain.Butforthedurationofthose

exquisitemoments,Bach’scellosuitehadhadtheunmistakableeffectof

reconcilingmetodeath—tothedeathsofthepeoplenowpresenttome,

Bob’sandRuthellen’sandRoy’s,Judith’sfather’s,andsomanyothers,

butalsotothedeathstocomeandtomyown,nolongersofaroff.Losing

myselfinthismusicwasakindofpracticeforthat—forlosingmyself,

period.Havingletgooftheropeofselfandslippedintothewarmwaters

ofthisworldlybeauty—Bach’ssublimemusic,Imean,andYo-YoMa’s

bowcaressingthosefourstringssuspendedoverthatenvelopeofair—I

feltasthoughI’dpassedbeyondthereachofsufferingandregret.

•••

THATWASMYPSILOCYBINJOURNEY,asfaithfullyasIcanrecountit.AsIread

thosewordsnow,doubtreturnsinfullforce:“Fool,youwereondrugs!”

Andit’strue:youcanputtheexperienceinthathandyboxandthrowit

away,nevertodwellonitagain.Nodoubtthishasbeenthefateof

countlesspsychedelicjourneysthattheirtravelersdidn’tquiteknowwhat

todowith,orfailedtomakesenseof.Yetthoughitistruethatachemical

launchedmeonthisjourney,itisalsotruethateverythingIexperiencedI

experienced:theseareeventsthattookplaceinmymind,psychological

factsthatwereneitherweightlessnorevanescent.Unlikemostdreams,

thetracestheseexperiencesinscribedremainindelibleandaccessible.

ThedayaftermyjourneyIwasgladfortheopportunitytoreturnto

Mary’sroomforacoupleofhoursof“integration.”Ihopedtomakesense

ofwhathappenedbytellingthestoryofmytripandhearingherthoughts

aboutit.Whatyou’vejustreadistheresult,andthebeneficiary,ofthat

work,forimmediatelyafterthejourneyIwasmuchmoreconfusedbyit

thanIamnow.Whatnowreadslikeareasonablycoherentnarrative

highlightingcertainthemesbeganasajumbleofdisjointedimagesand

shardsofsense.Toputwordstoanexperiencethatwasinfactineffable

atthetime,andthentoshapethemintosentencesandthenastory,is

inevitablytodoitakindofviolence.Butthealternativeis,literally,

unthinkable.

Maryhadtakenapartthealtar,butwesatinthesamechairs,facing

eachotheracrossasmalltable.Twenty-fourhourslater,whathadI

learned?ThatIhadhadnoreasontobeafraid:nosleepingmonstershad

awakenedinmyunconsciousandturnedonme.Thiswasadeepfearthat

wentbackseveraldecades,toaterrifyingmomentinahotelroomin

Seattlewhen,aloneandhavingsmokedtoomuchcannabis,Ihadhadto

marshaleverylastounceofwilltokeepmyselffromdoingsomething

deeplycrazyandirrevocable.ButhereinthisroomIhadletdownmy

guardcompletely,andnothingterriblehadhappened.Theserpentof

madnessthatIworriedmightbewaitinghadnotsurfacedorpulledme

under.Didthismeanitdidn’texist,thatIwaspsychologicallysturdier

thanIbelieved?Maybethat’swhattheepisodewithBobwasallabout:

maybeIwasmorelikehimthanIknew,andnotnearlyasdeepor

complicatedasIlikedtothink.(Canarecognitionofone’sshallowness

qualifyasaprofoundinsight?)Marywasn’tsosure:“Youbringa

differentselftothejourneyeverytime.”Thedemonsmightrouse

themselvesthenexttime.

ThatIcouldsurvivethedissolutionofmyegowithoutstruggleor

turningintoapuddlewassomethingtobegratefulfor,butevenbetter

wasthediscoverythattheremightbeanothervantage—onelessneurotic

andmoregenerous—fromwhichtotakeinreality.“Thataloneseems

worththepriceofadmission,”Maryoffered,andIhadtoagree.Yet,

twenty-fourhourslater,myoldegowasbackinuniformandonpatrol,so

whatlong-termgoodwasthatbeguilingglimpseofaloftierperspective?

Marysuggestedthathavinghadatasteofadifferent,lessdefendedway

tobe,Imightlearn,throughpractice,torelaxtheego’strigger-happy

commandofmyreactionstopeopleandevents.“Nowyouhavehadan

experienceofanotherwaytoreact—ornotreact.Thatcanbecultivated.”

Meditation,shesuggested,wasonewaytodothat.

Itis,Ithink,preciselythisperspectivethathadallowedsomanyofthe

volunteersIinterviewedtoovercometheirfearsandanxieties,andinthe

caseofthesmokers,theiraddictions.Temporarilyfreedfromthetyranny

oftheego,withitsmaddeninglyreflexivereactionsanditspinched

conceptionofone’sself-interest,wegettoexperienceanextremeversion

ofKeats’s“negativecapability”—theabilitytoexistamiddoubtsand

mysterieswithoutreflexivelyreachingforcertainty.Tocultivatethis

modeofconsciousness,withitsexceptionaldegreeofselflessness

(literally!),requiresustotranscendoursubjectivityor—itcomestothe

samething—widenitscirclesofarthatittakesin,besidesourselves,

otherpeopleand,beyondthat,allofnature.NowIunderstoodhowa

psychedeliccouldhelpustomakepreciselythatmove,fromthefirst-

personsingulartothepluralandbeyond.Underitsinfluence,asenseof

ourinterconnectedness—thatplatitude—isfelt,becomesflesh.Though

thisperspectiveisnotsomethingachemicalcansustainformorethana

fewhours,thosehourscangiveusanopportunitytoseehowitmightgo.

Andperhapstopracticebeingthere.

IleftMary’sloftinhighspirits,butalsowiththefeelingIwasholding

ontosomethingpreciousbythethinnest,mosttenuousofthreads.It

seemeddoubtfulIcouldmaintainmygriponthisoutlookfortherestof

theday,muchlesstherestofmylife,butitalsoseemedworthtrying.

TripThree:5-MeO-DMT(or,TheToad)

Yes,“thetoad,”ortobemoreprecise,thesmokedvenomoftheSonoran

Deserttoad(Inciliusalvarius),alsocalledtheColoradoRivertoad,which

containsamoleculecalled5-MeO-DMTthatisoneofthemostpotent

andfast-actingpsychotropicdrugsthereis.No,Ihadneverheardofit

either.Itissoobscure,infact,thatthefederalgovernmentdidnotlist5-

MeO-DMTasacontrolledsubstanceuntil2011.

Theopportunitytosmokethetoadpoppedupsuddenly,givingme

verylittletimetodecideifdoingsowascrazyornot.Igotacallfromone

ofmysources,awomanwhowastrainingtobecomeacertified

psychedelicguide,invitingmetomeetherfriendRocío,athirty-five-

year-oldMexicantherapistwhomshedescribedas“probablytheworld’s

leadingexpertonthetoad.”(Thoughhowintense,really,couldthe

competitionforthattitlebe?)RocíoisfromthestateofSonora,in

northernMexico,whereshecollectsthetoadsandmilkstheirvenom;she

administersthemedicinetopeoplebothinMexico,whereitslegalstatus

isgray,andintheUnitedStates,whereitisn’t.(Itdoesn’tappeartobeon

theofficialradar,however.)

RocíoworkedinaclinicinMexicothattreateddrugaddictswitha

combinationofiboga,apsychedelicplantfromAfrica,and5-MeO-DMT

—apparentlywithstrikingratesofsuccess.Inrecentyears,she’sbecome

theJohnnyAppleseedoftoad,travelingalloverNorthAmericawithher

capsulesofcrystallizedvenomandhervaporizer.Asmycircleof

psychonautsexpanded,mostanyoneImetwho’dhadanencounterwith

thetoadhadbeenintroducedtoitbyRocío.

ThefirsttimeImetRocío,atasmalldinnerorganizedbyourmutual

friend,shetoldmeaboutthetoadandwhatImightexpectfromit.Rocío

waspetite,pretty,andfashionablydressed,hershoulder-lengthblack

haircuttoframeherfacewithbangs.Shehasaneasysmilethatbrings

outadimpleononecheek.NotatallwhatIexpected,Rocíolookedless

thepartofashamanorcuranderathanthatofanurbanprofessional.

AftergoingtocollegeandworkingforafewyearsintheUnitedStates,

fiveyearsagoRocíofoundherselfbackathomeinMexicolivingwithher

parentsandwithoutdirection.Online,shefoundamanualaboutthe

toad,whichshelearnedwasnativetothelocaldesert.(Itshabitatextends

thelengthoftheSonoranDesertnorthintoArizona.)Ninemonthsofthe

year,thetoadlivesunderground,protectedfromthedesertsunandheat,

butwhenthewinterrainscome,itemergesatnightfromitsburrowfora

brieforgyofeatingandcopulation.Followingtheinstructionsspelledout

inthemanual,Rocíostrappedonaheadlampandwenthuntingfortoads.

“They’renotveryhardtocatch,”shetoldme.“Theyfreezeinthebeam

oflightsoyoucanjustgrabthem.”Thetoads,whicharewarty,sand

colored,androughlythesizeofaman’shand,havealargeglandoneach

sideoftheirnecks,andsmalleronesontheirlegs.“Yougentlysqueeze

theglandwhileholdingamirrorinfrontofittocatchthespray.”The

toadisapparentlynonetheworseforbeingmilked.Overnight,thevenom

driesontheglass,turningintoflakycrystalsthecolorofbrownsugar.

Initsnaturalstate,thevenomistoxic—adefensechemicalsprayedby

thetoadwhenitfeelsthreatened.Butwhenthecrystalsarevolatilized,

thetoxinsaredestroyed,leavingbehindthe5-MeO-DMT.Rocío

vaporizesthecrystalsinaglasspipewhiletherecipientinhales;before

you’vehadachancetoexhale,youaregone.“Thetoadcomesonquickly,

andatfirstitcanbeunbelievablyintense.”InoticedthatRocío

personifiedthetoadandseldomcalledthemedicinebyitsmolecular

name.“Somepeopleremainperfectlystill.Otherpeoplescreamandflail,

especiallywhenthetoadbringsouttraumas,whichitcando.Afew

peoplewillvomit.Andthenaftertwentyorthirtyminutes,thetoadisall

doneanditleaves.”

Myfirstinstinctwhenfacingsuchadecisionistoreadasmuchabout

itasIcan,andlaterthatnightRocíoe-mailedmeafewarticles.Butthe

pickingswereslim.Unlikemostotherpsychedelics,whichbynowhave

beenextensivelystudiedbyscientistsand,inmanycases,inusefor

hundredsifnotthousandsofyears,thetoadhasbeenknowntoWestern

scienceonlysince1992.That’swhenAndrewWeilandWadeDavis

publishedapapercalled“IdentityofaNewWorldPsychoactiveToad.”

Theyhadbeeninspiredtolookforsuchafantasticalcreaturebythe

imagesoffrogsinMayanart.Buttheonlypsychoactivetoadtheycould

findlivesfartothenorthofMayancivilization.It’spossiblethatthese

toadsbecameanitemoftrade,butasyetthereisnoproofthatthe

practiceofsmokingtoadvenomhasanyantiquitywhatsoever.However,

5-MeO-DMTalsooccursinahandfulofSouthAmericanplants,and

thereareseveralAmazoniantribeswhopoundtheseplantsintoasnuff

foruseinshamanicrituals.Amongsomeofthesetribes,thesesnuffsare

knownasthe“semenofthesun.”

Icouldn’tfindmuchinthewayofsolidmedicalinformationabout

potentialsideeffectsordangerousdruginteractions;littleresearchhas

beendone.WhatIdidfindwereplentyoftripreportsonline,andmany

ofthesewereterrifying.Ialsolearnedtherewassomeoneintown,a

friendofafriendIhadmetafewtimesatdinnerparties,whohadtried5-

MeO-DMT—notthetoadbutasyntheticversionoftheactiveingredient.I

tookherouttolunchtoseewhatIcouldlearn.

“ThisistheEverestofpsychedelics,”shebegan,portentously,putting

asteadyinghandonmyforearm.Oliviaisinherearlyfifties,a

managementconsultantwithacoupleofkids;Ihadvaguelyknownshe

wasintoEasternreligionbuthadnoideashewasapsychonaut,too.

“Youneedtobeprepared.”Overgrilledcheeses,shedescribeda

harrowingonset.“Iwasshotoutintoaninfiniterealmofpurebeing.

Therewerenofiguresinthisworld,noentitiesofanykind,justpure

being.Anditwashuge;Ididn’tknowwhatinfinitywasbeforethis.Butit

wasatwo-dimensionalrealm,notthree,andaftertherushofliftoff,I

foundmyselfinstalledinthisinfinitespaceasastar.Iremember

thinking,ifthisisdeath,I’mfinewithit.Itwas...bliss.Ihadthefeeling

—no,theknowledge—thateverysinglethingthereisismadeoflove.

“Afterwhatseemedlikeaneternitybutwasprobablyonlyminutes,

youstarttoreassembleandcomebackintoyourbody.Ihadthethought,

‘Therearechildrentoraise.Andthereisaninfiniteamountoftimetobe

dead.’”

Iaskedherthequestionthatgnawedatmewheneversomeone

recountedsuchamysticalexperience:“Howcanyoubesurethiswasa

genuinespiritualeventandnotjustadrugexperience?”

“It’sanirrelevantquestion,”sherepliedcoolly.“Thiswassomething

beingrevealedtome.”

Thereitwas:thenoeticsenseWilliamJameshaddescribedasamark

ofthemysticalexperience.IenviedOlivia’scertainty.WhichIsupposeis

thereasonIdecidedIwouldsmokethetoad.

•••

THENIGHTBEFOREmydatewithRocíowas,predictably,sleepless.Yes,I’d

comethroughthesefirsttwotripsintact,grateful,even,forhavinggone

onthem,andhadcomeawaywiththeideaIwasstronger,physicallyand

mentally,thanIhadpreviouslythought.Butnowalltheoldfearsrushed

back,assailingmethroughthelongfitfulnight.Everest!Couldmyheart

taketheintensityofthosefirstharrowingmomentsofascent?Whatwere

thechancesI’dgomad?Slim,perhaps,butsurelynotzero.Sowasthisan

absolutelyinsanethingtodo?Ontheplusside,Ifigured,whatever

happened,itwouldallbeoverinhalfanhour.Onthenegativeside,

everythingmightbeoverinhalfanhour.

Asthesuncameup,IdecidedIwoulddecidewhenIgotthere.Rocío,

whomI’dmadeawareofmytrepidations,hadofferedtoletmewatchher

workwithsomeoneelsebeforeitwasmyturn.Thisprovedreassuring,as

sheknewitwould.Theguybeforeme,asupremelylow-affectcollege

studentwhohaddonethetoadoncebefore,tookapufffromRocío’spipe,

laybackonamattress,andembarkedonwhatappearedtobeaplacid

thirty-minutenap,duringwhichheexhibitednosignsofdistress,let

aloneexistentialterror.Afteritwasover,heseemedperfectlyfine.A

greatdealhadgoneoninhismind,heindicated,butfromthelooksofit,

hisbodyhadscarcelybeenperturbed.Okaythen.Deathormadness

seemedmuchlesslikely.Icoulddothis.

Afterpositioningmeonthemattressjustso,Rocíohadmesitupwhile

sheloadedapremeasuredcapsuleofthecrystalsintoaglassvialthatshe

thenscrewedontothebarrelofthepipe.Sheaskedmetogivethanksto

thetoadandthinkaboutmyintention.(Somethingfairlygenericabout

learningwhateverthetoadhadtoteachme.)Rocíolitabutaneflame

underneaththevialandinstructedmetodrawonthepipeinshortsipsof

airasthewhitesmokeswirledandthenfilledtheglass.“Thenonebig

finaldrawthatIwantyoutoholdaslongasyoucan.”

Ihavenomemoryofeverhavingexhaled,orofbeingloweredontothe

mattressandcoveredwithablanket.AllatonceIfeltatremendousrush

ofenergyfillmyheadaccompaniedbyapunishingroar.Imanaged,

barely,tosqueezeoutthewordsIhadprepared,“trust”and“surrender.”

Thesewordsbecamemymantra,buttheyseemedutterlypathetic,

wishfulscrapsofpaperinthefaceofthiscategory5mentalstorm.Terror

seizedme—andthen,likeoneofthoseflimsywoodenhouseserectedon

BikiniAtolltobeblownupinthenucleartests,“I”wasnomore,blasted

toaconfetticloudbyanexplosiveforceIcouldnolongerlocateinmy

head,becauseithadexplodedthattoo,expandingtobecomeallthat

therewas.Whateverthiswas,itwasnotahallucination.Ahallucination

impliesarealityandapointofreferenceandanentitytohaveit.Noneof

thosethingsremained.

Unfortunately,theterrordidn’tdisappearwiththeextinctionofmy

“I.”Whateverallowedmetoregisterthisexperience,thepost-egoic

awarenessI’dfirstexperiencedonmushrooms,wasnowconsumedinthe

flamesofterrortoo.Infacteverytouchstonethattellsus“Iexist”was

annihilated,andyetIremainedconscious.“Isthiswhatdeathfeelslike?

Couldthisbeit?”Thatwasthethought,thoughtherewasnolongera

thinkertohaveit.

Herewordsfail.Intruth,therewerenoflames,noblast,no

thermonuclearstorm;I’mgraspingatmetaphorinthehopeofforming

somestableandshareableconceptofwhatwasunfoldinginmymind.In

theevent,therewasnocoherentthought,justpureandterrible

sensation.OnlyafterwarddidIwonderifthiswaswhatthemysticscall

themysteriumtremendum—theblindingunendurablemystery(whether

ofGodorsomeotherUltimateorAbsolute)beforewhichhumans

trembleinawe.Huxleydescribeditasthefear“ofbeingoverwhelmed,of

disintegratingunderapressureofrealitygreaterthanamind,

accustomedtolivingmostofthetimeinacosyworldofsymbols,could

possiblybear.”

Oh,tobebackinthecozyworldofsymbols!

AfterthefactIkeptreturningtooneoftwometaphors,andwhilethey

inevitablydeformtheexperience,*asanywordsormetaphorsorsymbols

must,theyatleastallowmetograspholdofashadowofitand,perhaps,

shareit.Thefirstistheimageofbeingontheoutsideofarocketafter

launch.I’mholdingonwithbothhands,legsclenchedaroundit,while

therapidlymountingg-forcesclutchatmyflesh,pullingmyfacedown

intoatautgrimace,asthegreatcylinderrisesthroughsuccessivelayersof

clouds,exponentiallygainingspeedandaltitude,thefuselageshuddering

onthebrinkofself-destructionasitstrainstobreakfreefromEarth’s

grip,whilethefrictionitgeneratesasitcrashesthroughthethinningair

issuesinadeafeningroar.

Itwasalittlelikethat.

Theothermetaphorwasthebigbang,butthebigbangruninreverse,

fromourfamiliarworldallthewaybacktoapointbeforetherewas

anything,notimeorspaceormatter,onlythepureunboundedenergy

thatwasalltherewasthen,beforeanimperfection,arippleinits

waveform,causedtheuniverseofenergytofallintotime,space,and

matter.Rushingbackwardthroughfourteenbillionyears,Iwatchedthe

dimensionsofrealitycollapseonebyoneuntiltherewasnothingleft,not

evenbeing.Onlytheall-consumingroar.

Itwasjusthorrible.

Andthensuddenlythedevolutionofeverythingintothenothingness

ofpureforcereversescourse.Onebyone,theelementsofouruniverse

begintoreconstitutethemselves:thedimensionsoftimeandspace

returnedfirst,blessingmystill-scatteredconfettibrainwiththecozy

coordinatesofplace;thisissomewhere!AndthenIslippedbackintomy

familiar“I”likeanoldpairofslippersandsoonafterfeltsomethingI

recognizedasmybodybegintoreassemble.Thefilmofrealitywasnow

runninginreverse,asifalltheleavesthatthethermonuclearblasthad

blownoffthegreattreeofbeingandscatteredtothefourwindswere

suddenlytofindtheirwayback,flyupintothewelcominglimbsof

reality,andreattach.Theorderofthingswasbeingrestored,menotably

included.Iwasalive!

ThedescentandreentryintofamiliarrealitywasswifterthanI

expected.Havingundergonetheshudderingagonyoflaunch,Ihad

expectedtobedeposited,weightless,intoorbit—myinstallationinthe

firmamentasablissed-outstar!Alas.LikethosefirstMercuryastronauts,

myflightremainedsuborbital,describinganarcthatonlykissedthe

serenityofinfinitespacebeforefallingbackdowntoEarth.

AndyetasIfeltmyselfreconstituteasaselfandthenabody,

somethingforwhichInowsoughtconfirmationbyrunningmyhands

alongmylegsandsquirmingbeneaththeblanket,Ifeltecstatic—as

happyasIcanremembereverfeeling.Butthisecstasywasnotsui

generis,notexactly.Itwasmoreliketheequalandoppositereactionto

theterrorIhadjustendured,lessofadivinegiftthanthesurgeof

pleasurethatcomesfromthecessationofunendurablepain.Butasense

ofreliefsovastanddeepastobecosmic.

Withtherediscoveryofmybody,Ifeltaninexplicableurgetoliftmy

knees,andassoonasIraisedthem,Ifeltsomethingsqueezeoutfrom

betweenmylegs,buteasilyandwithoutstruggleorpain.Itwasaboy:the

infantme.Thatseemedexactlyright:havingdied,Iwasnowbeing

reborn.YetassoonasIlookedcloselyatthisnewbeing,itmorphed

smoothlyintoIsaac,myson.AndIthought,howfortunate—how

astounding!—forafathertoexperiencetheperfectphysicalintimacythat

heretoforeonlymothershaveeverhadwiththeirbabies.Whateverspace

hadeverintervenedbetweenmysonandmenowclosed,andIcouldfeel

thewarmtearsslidingdownmycheeks.

Nextcameanoverwhelmingwaveofgratitude.Forwhat?Foronce

againexisting,yes,fortheexistenceofIsaacandJudithtoo,butalsofor

somethingevenmorefundamental:Ifeltforthefirsttimegratitudefor

theveryfactofbeing,thatthereisanythingwhatsoever.Ratherthan

beingnecessarilythecase,thisnowseemedquitethemiracle,and

somethingIresolvedneveragaintotakeforgranted.Everybodygives

thanksfor“beingalive,”butwhostopstoofferthanksforthebare-bones

gerundthatcomesbefore“alive”?Ihadjustcomefromaplacewhere

beingwasnomoreandnowvowednevertoforgetwhatagift(and

mystery)itis,thatthereissomethingratherthannothing.

Ihadenteredafamiliarandmorecongenialmentalspace,onein

whichIwasstilltrippingbutcouldputtogetherthoughtsanddirectthem

hereorthere.(Imakenoclaimsastotheirquality.)BeforeIdrewthe

smokeintomylungs,Rocíohadaskedme,assheaskseveryonewho

meetsthetoad,tosearchtheexperiencefora“peaceoffering”—someidea

orresolutionIcouldbringbackandputtogooduseinmylife.Mine,I

decided,hadtodowiththisquestionofbeingandwhatItooktobeits

oppositeterm,“doing.”Imeditatedonthisduality,whichcametoseem

momentous,andconcludedthatIwastoomuchoccupiedwiththelatter

terminmylifeandnotenoughwiththeformer.

True,onehadtofavordoinginordertogetanythingdone,butwasn’t

therealsoagreatvirtueandpsychicbenefitinsimplybeing?In

contemplationratherthanaction?IdecidedIneededtopracticebeing

withstillness,beingwithotherpeopleasIfindthem(imperfect),and

beingwithmyownunimprovedself.Tosavorwhateverisatthisvery

moment,withouttryingtochangeitorevendescribeit.(Huxley

struggledwiththesameaspirationduringhismescalinejourney:“Ifone

alwayssawlikethis,onewouldneverwanttodoanythingelse.”)Even

now,bornealongonthispleasantcontemplativestream,Ihadtoresist

theurgetodragmyselfontoshoreandtellRocíoaboutmybig

breakthrough.No!Ihadtoremindmyself:justbewithit.

JudithandIhadhadafightthepreviousnightthat,Irealized,turned

onthisdistinction,andonmyimpatiencewithbeing.Shewas

complainingaboutsomethingshedoesn’tlikeaboutherlife,andrather

thansimplycommiserate,beingwithherandherdilemma,Iimmediately

wenttothechecklistofpracticalthingsshemightdotofixit.Butthiswas

notatallwhatshewantedorneeded,andshegotangry.NowIcouldsee

withperfectclaritywhymyattempttobehelpfulhadbeensohurtful.

Sothatwasmypeaceoffering:tobemoreanddoless.ButassoonasI

putitthatway,Irealizedtherewasaproblem—abigproblem,infact.For

wasn’ttheveryactofresolvingtofavorbeingaformofdoing?Abetrayal

ofthewholeidea?Atrueconnoisseurofbeingwouldneverdreamof

makingresolutions!Ihadtiedmyselfupinaphilosophicalknot,

constructedaparadoxorkoanIwasclearlynotsmartenoughor

sufficientlyenlightenedtountangle.Andsowhathadbegunasoneofthe

mostshatteringexperiencesofmylifeendedhalfanhourlaterwitha

wansmile.

•••

EVENNOW,manymonthslater,Istilldon’tknowexactlywhattomakeof

thislasttrip.Itsviolentnarrativearc—thatawfulclimaxfollowedso

swiftlybysuchasweetdenouement—upendedtheformofastoryor

journey.Itlackedthebeginning,middle,andendthatallmyprevious

tripshadhadandthatwerelyontomakesenseofexperience.Thatand

itsmind-bendingvelocitymadeitdifficulttoextractmuchinformationor

knowledgefromthejourney,exceptforthe(classic)psychedelicplatitude

abouttheimportanceofbeing.(Afewdaysaftermyencounterwiththe

toad,Ihappenedonanolde-mailfromJamesFadimanthatended,

uncannily,withthesewords,whichyoushouldpicturearrangedonthe

screenlikeapoem:“Ihopewhateveryou’redoing,/you’restoppingnow

andthen/and/notdoingitatall.”)

Theintegrationhadbeencursory,leavingmetopuzzleoutthetoad’s

teachings,suchastheywere,onmyown.HadIhadanysortofaspiritual

ormysticalexperience?Orwaswhattookplaceinmymindmerelythe

epiphenomenonofthesestrangemolecules?(Orwasitboth?)Olivia’s

wordsechoed:“It’sanirrelevantquestion.Thiswassomethingbeing

revealedtome.”What,ifanything,hadbeenrevealedtome?

Notsureexactlywheretobegin,Irealizeditmightbeusefulto

measuremyexperiencesagainstthoseofthevolunteersintheHopkins

andNYUstudies.IdecidedtofilloutoneoftheMysticalExperience

Questionnaires(MEQs)*thatthescientistshadtheirsubjectscomplete,

hopingtolearnifminequalified.

TheMEQaskedmetorankalistofthirtymentalphenomena—

thoughts,images,andsensationsthatpsychologistsandphilosophers

regardastypicalofamysticalexperience.(Thequestionnairedrawson

theworkofWilliamJames,W.T.Stace,andWalterPahnke.)“Looking

backontheentiretyofyoursession,pleaseratethedegreetowhichat

anytime...youexperiencedthefollowingphenomena”usingasix-point

scale.(Fromzero,for“noneatall,”tofive,forextreme:“morethanany

othertimeinmylife.”)

Someitemswereeasytorate:“Lossofyourusualsenseoftime.”

Check;five.“Experienceofamazement.”Uh-huh.Anotherfive.“Sense

thattheexperiencecannotbedescribedadequatelyinwords.”Yup.Five

again.“Gainofinsightfulknowledgeexperiencedatanintuitivelevel.”

Hmmm.Iguesstheplatitudeaboutbeingwouldqualify.Maybeathree?

ButIwasunsurewhattodowiththisone:“Feelingthatyouexperienced

eternityorinfinity.”Thelanguageimpliessomethingmorepositivethan

whatIfeltwhentimevanishedandterrortookhold;NA,Idecided.The

“experienceofthefusionofyourpersonalselfintoalargerwhole”also

seemedlikeanoverlynicewaytoputthesensationofbecomingonewith

anuclearblast.Itseemedlessfusionthanfission,butokay.Igaveita

four.

Andwhattodowiththisone?“Certaintyofencounterwithultimate

reality(inthesenseofbeingableto‘know’and‘see’whatisreallyrealat

somepointinyourexperience).”Imighthaveemergedfromthe

experiencewithcertainconvictions(theoneaboutbeinganddoing,say),

butthesehardlyseemedlikeencounterswith“ultimatereality,”whatever

thatis.Similarly,afewotheritemsmademewanttothrowupmyhands:

“Feelingthatyouexperiencedsomethingprofoundlysacredandholy”

(No)or“Experienceoftheinsight‘allisOne’”(Yes,butnotinagoodway;

inthemidstofthatall-consumingmindstorm,therewasnothingI

missedmorethandifferentiationandmultiplicity).Strugglingtoassign

ratingstoahandfulofsuchitems,Ifeltthesurveypullingmeinthe

directionofaconclusionthatwasnotatallconsistentwithwhatIfelt.

ButwhenItalliedmyscore,Iwassurprised:Ihadscoredasixty-one,

onepointoverthethresholdfora“complete”mysticalexperience.Ihad

squeakedthrough.Sothatwasamysticalexperience?Itdidn’tfeelatall

likewhatIexpectedamysticalexperiencetobe.Iconcludedthatthe

MEQwasapoornetforcapturingmyencounterwiththetoad.Theresult

waspsychologicalbycatch,Idecided,andshouldprobablybetossedout.

YetIwonderifmydissatisfactionwiththesurveyhadsomethingtodo

withtheintrinsicnature—thesheerintensityandbizarreshape—ofthe

toadexperience,forwhichitwasn’tdesigned,afterall.BecausewhenI

usedthesamesurveytoevaluatemypsilocybinjourney,thefitseemed

muchbetterandratingthephenomenamucheasier.Reflectingjuston

thecellointerlude,forexample,Icouldeasilyconfirmthe“fusionof[my]

personalselfintoalargerwhole,”aswellasthe“feelingthat[I]

experiencedsomethingprofoundlysacredandholy”and“ofbeingata

spiritualheight”andeventhe“experienceofunitywithultimatereality.”

Yes,yes,yes,andyes—provided,thatis,myendorsementofthoseloaded

adjectivesdoesn’timplyanybeliefinasupernaturalreality.

MypsilocybinjourneywithMaryyieldedasixty-sixontheMystical

ExperienceQuestionnaire.Forsomereason,Ifeltstupidlyproudofmy

score.(ThereIwasagain,doingbeing.)Ithadbeenmyobjectivetohave

suchanexperience,andatleastaccordingtothescientistsamystical

experienceIhadhad.YetithadbroughtmenoclosertoabeliefinGodor

inacosmicformofconsciousnessorinanythingmagicalatall—allof

whichImighthavebeen,unreasonably,expecting(hoping?)itmightdo.

Still,therewasnoquestionthatsomethingnovelandprofoundhad

happenedtome—somethingIampreparedtocallspiritual,thoughonly

withanasterisk.IguessI’vealwaysassumedthatspiritualityimplieda

belieforfaithI’veneversharedandfromwhichitsupposedlyflows.But

nowIwondered,isthisalwaysornecessarilythecase?

OnlyinthewakeofmyjourneyshaveIbeenabletounravelthe

paradoxthathadsoperplexedmewhenIinterviewedDinahBazer,a

NYUcancerpatientwhobeganandendedherpsilocybinexperiencean

avowedatheist.Duringtheclimaxofajourneythatextinguishedherfear

ofdeath,Bazerdescribed“beingbathedinGod’slove,”andyetshe

emergedwithheratheismintact.Howcouldsomeoneholdthosetwo

warringideasinthesamebrain?IthinkIgetitnow.Notonlywasthe

floodoflovesheexperiencedineffablypowerful,butitwasunattributable

toanyindividualorworldlycause,andsowaspurelygratuitous—aform

ofgrace.Sohowtoconveythemagnitudeofsuchagift?“God”mightbe

theonlywordinthelanguagebigenough.

PartoftheproblemIwashavingevaluatingmyownexperiencehadto

dowithanotherbigandloadedword—“mystical”—implyingasitdoesan

experiencebeyondthereachofordinarycomprehensionorscience.It

reeksofthesupernatural.YetIthinkitwouldbewrongtodiscardthe

mystical,ifonlybecausesomuchworkhasbeendonebysomanygreat

minds—overliterallythousandsofyears—tofindthewordsforthis

extraordinaryhumanexperienceandmakesenseofit.Whenwereadthe

testimonyoftheseminds,wefindastrikingcommonalityintheir

descriptions,evenifwecivilianscan’tquiteunderstandwhatintheworld

(oroutofit)they’retalkingabout.

Accordingtoscholarsofmysticism,thesesharedtraitsgenerally

includeavisionofunityinwhichallthings,includingtheself,are

subsumed(expressedinthephrase“Allisone”);asenseofcertainty

aboutwhatonehasperceived(“Knowledgehasbeenrevealedtome”);

feelingsofjoy,blessedness,andsatisfaction;atranscendenceofthe

categorieswerelyontoorganizetheworld,suchastimeandspaceorself

andother;asensethatwhateverhasbeenapprehendedissomehow

sacred(Wordsworth:“Somethingfarmoredeeplyinterfused”with

meaning)andoftenparadoxical(sowhiletheselfmayvanish,awareness

abides).Lastistheconvictionthattheexperienceisineffable,evenas

thousandsofwordsareexpendedintheattempttocommunicateits

power.(Guilty.)

Beforemyjourneys,wordsandphrasessuchastheseleftmecold;they

seemedutterlyopaque,somuchquasi-religiousmumbojumbo.Nowthey

paintarecognizablereality.Likewise,certainmysticalpassagesfrom

literaturethatonceseemedsooverstatedandabstractthatIreadthem

indulgently(ifatall),nowIcanreadasasubspeciesofjournalism.Here

arethreenineteenth-centuryexamples,butyoucanfindtheminany

century.

RalphWaldoEmersoncrossingawintryNewEnglandcommonsin

“Nature”:

Standingonthebareground,—myheadbathedbytheblithe

air,andupliftedintoinfinitespace,—allmeanegotism

vanishes.Ibecomeatransparenteye-ball.Iamnothing.Isee

all.ThecurrentsoftheUniversalBeingcirculatethroughme;

IampartorparticleofGod.

OrWaltWhitman,intheearlylinesofthefirst(muchbrieferand

moremystical)editionofLeavesofGrass:

Swiftlyaroseandspreadaroundmethepeaceandjoyand

knowledgethatpassalltheartandargumentoftheearth;

AndIknowthatthehandofGodistheelderhandofmyown,

AndIknowthatthespiritofGodistheeldestbrotherofmyown,

Andthatallthemeneverbornarealsomybrothers...andthe

womenmysistersandlovers,

Andthatakelson*ofthecreationislove.

AndhereisAlfred,LordTennyson,describinginaletterthe“waking

trance”thatdescendeduponhimfromtimetotimesincehisboyhood:

Allatonce,asitwereoutoftheintensityoftheconsciousness

ofindividuality,theindividualityitselfseemedtodissolve

andfadeintoboundlessbeing;andthiswasnotaconfused

state,buttheclearestoftheclearest,thesurestofthesurest;

utterlybeyondwords,wheredeathwasanalmostlaughable

impossibility;thelossofpersonality(ifsoitwere)seeming

noextinction,buttheonlytruelife.

WhathadchangedformewasthatnowIunderstoodexactlywhat

thesewritersweretalkingabout:theirownmysticalexperiences,however

achieved,howeverinterpreted.Formerlyinert,theirwordsnowemitteda

newrayofrelation,oratleastIwasnowinapositiontoreceiveit.Such

emissionshadalwaysbeenpresentinourworld,flowingthrough

literatureandreligion,butlikeelectromagneticwavestheycouldn’tbe

understoodwithoutsomekindofreceiver.Ihadbecomesuchaone.A

phraselike“boundlessbeing,”whichonceImighthaveskatedpastas

overlyabstractandhyperbolic,nowcommunicatedsomethingspecific

andevenfamiliar.Adoorhadopenedformeontoarealmofhuman

experiencethatforsixtyyearshadbeenclosed.*

ButhadIearnedtherighttogothroughthatdoor,enterintothat

conversation?Idon’tknowaboutEmerson’smysticalexperience(or

Whitman’sorTennyson’s),butmineowedtoachemical.Wasn’tthat

cheating?Perhapsnot:itseemslikelythatallmentalexperiencesare

mediatedbychemicalsinthebrain,eventhemostseemingly

“transcendent.”Howmuchshouldthegenealogyofthesechemicals

matter?Itturnsouttheverysamemoleculesflowthroughthenatural

worldandthehumanbrain,linkingusalltogetherinavastwatershedof

tryptamines.Aretheseexogenousmoleculesanylessmiraculous?(When

theycomefromamushroomoraplantoratoad!)It’sworth

rememberingthattherearemanycultureswherethefactthatthe

inspirationforvisionaryexperiencescomesfromnature,isthegiftof

othercreatures,rendersthemmoremeaningful,notless.

MyowninterpretationofwhatIexperienced—mynowofficially

verifiedmysticalexperience—remainsaworkinprogress,stillinsearch

oftherightwords.ButIhavenoproblemusingtheword“spiritual”to

describeelementsofwhatIsawandfelt,aslongasitisnottakenina

supernaturalsense.Forme,“spiritual”isagoodnameforsomeofthe

powerfulmentalphenomenathatarisewhenthevoiceoftheegoismuted

orsilenced.Ifnothingelse,thesejourneyshaveshownmehowthat

psychicconstruct—atoncesofamiliarandonreflectionsostrange—

standsbetweenusandsomestrikingnewdimensionsofexperience,

whetheroftheworldoutsideusorofthemindwithin.Thejourneyshave

shownmewhattheBuddhiststrytotellusbutIhaveneverreally

understood:thatthereismuchmoretoconsciousnessthantheego,aswe

wouldseeifitwouldjustshutup.Andthatitsdissolution(or

transcendence)isnothingtofear;infact,itisaprerequisiteformaking

anyspiritualprogress.

Buttheego,thatinnerneuroticwhoinsistsonrunningthemental

show,iswilyanddoesn’trelinquishitspowerwithoutastruggle.

Deemingitselfindispensable,itwillbattleagainstitsdiminishment,

whetherinadvanceorinthemiddleofthejourney.Isuspectthat’s

exactlywhatminewasuptoallthroughthesleeplessnightsthat

precededeachofmytrips,strivingtoconvincemethatIwasrisking

everything,whenreallyallIwasputtingatriskwasitssovereignty.

WhenHuxleyspeaksofthemind’s“reducingvalve”—thefacultythat

eliminatesasmuchoftheworldfromourconsciousawarenessasitlets

in—heistalkingabouttheego.Thatstingy,vigilantsecurityguardadmits

onlythenarrowestbandwidthofreality,“ameaslytrickleofthekindof

consciousnesswhichwillhelpustostayalive.”It’sreallygoodat

performingallthoseactivitiesthatnaturalselectionvalues:getting

ahead,gettinglikedandloved,gettingfed,gettinglaid.Keepinguson

task,itisaferociouseditorofanythingthatmightdistractusfromthe

workathand,whetherthatmeansregulatingouraccesstomemoriesand

strongemotionsfromwithinornewsoftheworldwithout.

Whatoftheworlditdoesadmitittendstoobjectify,fortheegowants

toreservethegiftsofsubjectivitytoitself.That’swhyitfailstoseethat

thereisawholeworldofsoulsandspiritsoutthere,bywhichIsimply

meansubjectivitiesotherthanourown.Itwasonlywhenthevoiceofmy

egowasquietedbypsilocybinthatIwasabletosensethattheplantsin

mygardenhadaspirittoo.(InthewordsofR.M.Bucke,anineteenth-

centuryCanadianpsychiatristandmystic,“Isawthattheuniverseisnot

composedofdeadmatter,butis,onthecontrary,alivingPresence.”)

“Ecology”and“coevolution”arescientificnamesforthesame

phenomena:everyspeciesasubjectactingonothersubjects.Butwhen

thisconceptacquiresthefleshoffeeling,becomes“moredeeply

interfused,”asitdidduringmyfirstpsilocybinjourney,I’mhappytocall

itaspiritualexperience.Sotoomyvariouspsychedelicmergings:with

Bach’scellosuite,withmyson,Isaac,withmygrandfatherBob,allspirits

directlyapprehendedandembraced,eachtimewithafloodoffeeling.

Soperhapsspiritualexperienceissimplywhathappensinthespace

thatopensupinthemindwhen“allmeanegotismvanishes.”Wonders

(andterrors)we’reordinarilydefendedagainstflowintoourawareness;

thefarendsofthesensoryspectrum,whicharenormallyinvisibletous,

oursensescansuddenlyadmit.Whiletheegosleeps,themindplays,

proposingunexpectedpatternsofthoughtandnewraysofrelation.The

gulfbetweenselfandworld,thatno-man’s-landwhichinordinaryhours

theegosovigilantlypatrols,closesdown,allowingustofeellessseparate

andmoreconnected,“partandparticle”ofsomelargerentity.Whether

wecallthatentityNature,theMindatLarge,orGodhardlymatters.But

itseemstobeinthecrucibleofthatmergingthatdeathlosessomeofits

sting.

CHAPTERFIVE

THENEUROSCIENCE

YourBrainonPsychedelics

WHATJUSTHAPPENEDinmybrain?

Amoleculehadlaunchedmeoneachofthesetrips,andIreturned

frommytravelsintenselycurioustolearnwhatthechemistrycouldtell

meaboutconsciousnessandwhatthatmightrevealaboutthebrain’s

relationshiptothemind.Howdoyougetfromtheingestionofa

compoundcreatedbyafungusoratoad(orahumanchemist)toanovel

stateofconsciousnesswiththepowertochangeone’sperspectiveon

things,notjustduringthejourney,butlongafterthemoleculehasleft

thebody?

Actually,therewerethreedifferentmoleculesinquestion—psilocin,

LSD,and5-MeO-DMT—butevenacasualglanceattheirstructures(and

IsaythisassomeonewhoearnedaDinhighschoolchemistry)indicates

aresemblance.Allthreemoleculesaretryptamines.Atryptamineisa

typeoforganiccompound(anindole,tobeexact)distinguishedbythe

presenceoftwolinkedrings,oneofthemwithsixatomsandtheother

withfive.Livingnatureisawashintryptamines,whichshowupinplants,

fungi,andanimals,wheretheytypicallyactassignalingmolecules

betweencells.Themostfamoustryptamineinthehumanbodyisthe

neurotransmitterserotonin,thechemicalnameofwhichis5-

hydroxytryptamine.Itisnocoincidencethatthismoleculehasastrong

familyresemblancewiththepsychedelicmolecules.

Serotoninmightbefamous,asneurotransmittersgo,yetmuchaboutit

remainsamystery.Forexample,itbindswithadozenorsodifferent

receptors,andthesearefoundnotonlyacrossmanypartsofthebrain

butthroughoutthebody,withasubstantialrepresentationinthe

digestivetract.Dependingonthetypeofreceptorinquestionandits

location,serotoninisliabletomakeverydifferentthingshappen—

sometimesexcitinganeurontofire,othertimesinhibitingit.Thinkofit

asakindofword,themeaningorimportofwhichcanchangeradically

dependingonthecontextorevenitsplacementinasentence.

Thegroupoftryptamineswecall“theclassicalpsychedelics”havea

strongaffinitywithoneparticulartypeofserotoninreceptor,calledthe5-

.Thesereceptorsarefoundinlargenumbersinthehumancortex,

theoutermost,andevolutionarilymostrecent,layerofthebrain.

Basically,thepsychedelicsresembleserotonincloselyenoughthatthey

canattachthemselvestothisreceptorsiteinsuchawayastoactivateitto

dovariousthings.

Curiously,LSDhasanevenstrongeraffinitywiththe5-HT

receptor

—is“stickier”—thanserotoninitself,makingthisaninstancewherethe

simulacrumismoreconvincing,chemically,thantheoriginal.Thishas

ledsomescientiststospeculatethatthehumanbodymustproducesome

other,morebespokechemicalfortheexpresspurposeofactivatingthe5-

receptor—perhapsanendogenouspsychedelicthatisreleasedunder

certaincircumstances,perhapswhendreaming.Onecandidateforthat

chemicalisthepsychedelicmoleculeDMT,whichhasbeenfoundintrace

amountsinthepinealglandofrats.

ThescienceofserotoninandLSDhasbeencloselyintertwinedsince

the1950s;infact,itwasthediscoverythatLSDaffectedconsciousnessat

suchinfinitesimaldosesthathelpedtoadvancethenewfieldof

neurochemistryinthe1950s,leadingtothedevelopmentoftheSSRI

antidepressants.Butitwasn’tuntil1998thatFranzVollenweider,aSwiss

researcherwhoisoneofthepioneersofpsychedelicneuroscience,

demonstratedthatpsychedelicslikeLSDandpsilocybinworkonthe

humanbrainbybindingwiththe5-HT

receptors.Hedidthisbygiving

subjectsadrugcalledketanserinthatblocksthereceptor;whenhethen

administeredpsilocybin,nothinghappened.

YetVollenweider’sdiscovery,importantasitwas,isbutasmallstep

onthelong(andwinding)roadfrompsychedelicchemistryto

psychedelicconsciousness.The5-HT

receptormightbethelockonthe

doortothemindthatthosethreemoleculesunlock,buthowdidthat

chemicalopeninglead,ultimately,towhatIfeltandexperienced?Tothe

dissolutionofmyego,forexample,andthecollapseofanydistinction

betweensubjectandobject?Ortothemorphinginmymind’seyeofMary

intoMaríaSabina?Putanotherway,what,ifanything,canbrain

chemistrytellusaboutthe“phenomenology”ofthepsychedelic

experience?

Allthesequestionsconcernthecontentsofconsciousness,ofcourse,

whichatleasttothispointhaseludedthetoolsofneuroscience.By

consciousness,Idon’tmeansimply“beingconscious”—thebasicsensory

awarenesscreatureshaveofchangesintheirenvironment,whichiseasy

tomeasureexperimentally.Inthislimitedsense,evenplantsare

“conscious,”thoughit’sdoubtfultheypossessfull-blownconsciousness.

Whatneuroscientistsandphilosophersandpsychologistsmeanby

consciousnessistheunmistakablesensewehavethatweare,orpossess,

aselfthathasexperiences.

SigmundFreudwrotethat“thereisnothingofwhichwearemore

certainthanthefeelingofourself,ourownego.”Yetitisdifficulttobe

quitesocertainthatanyoneelsepossessesconsciousness,muchless

othercreatures,becausethereisnooutwardphysicalevidencethat

consciousnessasweexperienceitexists.Thethingofwhichwearemost

certainisbeyondthereachofourscience,supposedlyoursurestwayof

knowinganything.

Thisdilemmahasleftajaradoorthroughwhichwritersand

philosophershavestepped.Theclassicthoughtexperimenttodetermine

whetheranotherbeingisinpossessionofconsciousnesswasproposedby

ThomasNagel,aphilosopher,inafamous1974paper,“WhatIsItLiketo

BeaBat?”Hearguedthatif“thereissomethingthatitisliketobea

bat”—ifthereisanysubjectivedimensiontobatexperience—thenabat

possessesconsciousness.Hewentontosuggestthatthis“whatitislike”

qualitymaynotbereducibletomaterialterms.Ever.

WhetherornotNagel’srightaboutthatisthebiggestargumentgoing

inthefieldofconsciousnessstudies.Thequestionatitsheartisoften

referredtoas“thehardproblem”orthe“explanatorygap”:Howdoyou

explainmind—thesubjectivequalityofexperience—intermsofmeat,that

is,intermsofthephysicalstructuresorchemistryofthebrain?The

questionassumes,asmost(butnotall)scientistsdo,thatconsciousness

isaproductofbrainsandthatitwilleventuallybeexplainedasthe

epiphenomenonofmaterialthingslikeneuronsandbrainstructures,

chemicalsandcommunicationsnetworks.Thatwouldcertainlyseemto

bethemostparsimonioushypothesis.Yetitisalongwayfrombeing

proven,andanumberofneuroscientistsquestionwhetheriteverwillbe:

whethersomethingaselusiveassubjectiveexperience—whatitfeelslike

tobeyou—willeveryieldtothereductionsofscience.Thesescientists

andphilosophersaresometimescalledmysterians,whichisnotmeantas

acompliment.Somescientistshaveraisedthepossibilitythat

consciousnessmaypervadetheuniverse,suggestingwethinkofitthe

samewaywedoelectromagnetismorgravity,asoneofthefundamental

buildingblocksofreality.

Theideathatpsychedelicdrugsmightshedsomelightonthe

problemsofconsciousnessmakesacertainsense.Apsychedelicdrugis

powerfulenoughtodisruptthesystemwecallnormalwaking

consciousnessinwaysthatmayforcesomeofitsfundamentalproperties

intoview.True,anestheticsdisruptconsciousnesstoo,yetbecausesuch

drugsshutitdown,thiskindofdisturbanceyieldsrelativelylittledata.In

contrast,someoneonapsychedelicremainsawakeandabletoreporton

whatheorsheisexperiencinginrealtime.Nowadays,thesesubjective

reportscanbecorrelatedwithvariousmeasuresofbrainactivity,using

severaldifferentmodesofimaging—toolsunavailabletoresearchers

duringthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchinthe1950sand1960s.

BydeployingthesetechnologiesincombinationwithLSDand

psilocybin,ahandfulofscientistsworkinginbothEuropeandtheUnited

Statesareopeninganewwindowontoconsciousness,andwhattheyare

glimpsingthroughitpromisestochangeourunderstandingofthelinks

betweenourbrainsandourminds.

•••

PERHAPSTHEMOSTAMBITIOUSneuroscientificexpeditionusingpsychedelics

tomaptheterrainofhumanconsciousnessistakingplaceinalaboratory

attheCentreforPsychiatryontheHammersmithcampusofImperial

CollegeinWestLondon.Recentlycompleted,thecampusconsistsofa

futuristicbutoddlydepressingnetworkofbuildings,linkedbyglass-

walledaerialwalkwaysandglassdoorsthatslideopensilentlyatthe

detectionoftheproperidentification.ItishereinthelabofDavidNutt,a

prominentEnglishpsychopharmacologist,thatateamledbya

thirtysomethingneuroscientistnamedRobinCarhart-Harrishasbeen

workingsince2009toidentifythe“neuralcorrelates,”orphysical

counterparts,ofthepsychedelicexperience.Byinjectingvolunteerswith

LSDandpsilocybinandthenusingavarietyofscanningtechnologies—

includingfunctionalmagneticresonanceimaging(fMRI)and

magnetoencephalography(MEG)—toobservethechangesintheirbrains,

heandhisteamhavegivenusourfirstglimpsesofwhatsomethinglike

egodissolution,orahallucination,actuallylookslikeinthebrainasit

unfoldsinthemind.

Thefactthatsuchanimprobableandpotentiallycontroversial

researchprojectevergotoffthegroundowestotheconvergenceofthree

mostunusualcharacters,andcareers,inEnglandintheyear2005:David

Nutt,RobinCarhart-Harris,andAmandaFeilding,a.k.a.theCountessof

WemyssandMarch.

RobinCarhart-Harris’spathtoDavidNutt’spsychopharmacologylab

wasaneccentricone,havingfirstpassedthroughagraduatecoursein

psychoanalysis.Thesedayspsychoanalysisisatheoryfewneuroscientists

takeseriously,regardingitlessasasciencethanasasetofuntestable

beliefs.Carhart-Harrisfeltstronglyotherwise.Steepedinthewritingsof

FreudandJung,hewasfascinatedbypsychoanalytictheorywhileatthe

sametimefrustratedbyitslackofscientificrigor,aswellasbythe

limitationsofitstoolsforexploringwhatitdeemedmostimportantabout

themind:theunconscious.

“Iftheonlywaywecanaccesstheunconsciousisviadreamsandfree

association,”heexplainedthefirsttimewetalked,“wearen’tgoingtoget

anywhere.Surelytheremustbesomethingelse.”Onedayheaskedhis

seminarprofessorifthatsomethingelsemightbeadrug.(IaskedRobin

ifhishunchwasbasedonpersonalexperienceorresearch,buthemade

clearthiswasnotasubjecthewishedtodiscuss.)Hisprofessorsenthim

toreadabookcalledRealmsoftheHumanUnconsciousbyStanislav

Grof.

“Iwenttothelibraryandreadthebookcovertocover.Iwasblown

away.Thatsetthecoursefortherestofmyyounglife.”

Carhart-Harris,whoisaslender,intenseyoungmaninahurry,witha

neatlytrimmedbeardandlargepaleblueeyesthatseldomblink,

formulatedaplanitwouldtakehimafewyearstoputintomotion:he

wouldusepsychedelicdrugsandmodernbrain-imagingtechnologiesto

buildafoundationofhardsciencebeneaththeedificeofpsychoanalysis.

“Freudsaiddreamsweretheroyalroadtotheunconscious,”hereminded

me.“Psychedelicscouldturnouttobethesuperhighway.”Carhart-

Harris’sdemeanorismodest,evenhumble,offeringnocluetothe

audacityofhisambition.HelikestoquoteGrof’sgrandclaimthatwhat

thetelescopewasforastronomy,orthemicroscopeforbiology,

psychedelicswillbeforunderstandingthemind.

Carhart-Harriscompletedhismaster’sinpsychoanalysisin2005and

begantoplothismoveintotheneuroscienceofpsychedelics.Heasked

aroundanddidsomeInternetresearchthateventuallyledhimtoDavid

NuttandAmandaFeildingastwopeoplewhomightbeinterestedinhis

projectandinapositiontohelp.HefirstapproachedFeilding,whoin

1998hadestablishedsomethingcalledtheBeckleyFoundationtostudy

theeffectsofpsychoactivesubstancesonthebrainandtolobbyfordrug

policyreform.ThefoundationisnamedforBeckleyPark,thesprawling

fourteenth-centuryTudormanorwhereshegrewupinOxfordshireand

where,in2005,sheinvitedCarhart-Harristolunch.(Onarecentvisitof

myowntoBeckley,Icountedtwotowersandthreemoats.)

AmandaFeilding,whowasbornin1943,isaneccentricasonlythe

Englisharistocracycanbreedthem.(She’sdescendedfromthehouseof

HabsburgandtwoofCharlesII’sillegitimatechildren.)Astudentof

comparativereligionandmysticism,Feildinghashadalong-standing

interestinalteredstatesofconsciousnessand,specifically,theroleof

bloodflowtothebrain,whichinHomosapiens,shebelieves,hasbeen

compromisedeversinceourspeciesbeganstandingupright.LSD,

Feildingbelieves,enhancescognitivefunctionandfacilitateshigherstates

ofconsciousnessbyincreasingcerebralcirculation.Asecondwayto

achieveasimilarresultisbymeansoftheancientpracticeoftrepanation.

Thisdeservesabriefdigression.

Trepanationinvolvesdrillingashallowholeintheskullsupposedlyto

improvecerebralbloodcirculation;ineffect,itreversesthefusingofthe

cranialbonesthathappensinchildhood.Trepanationwasforcenturiesa

commonmedicalprocedure,tojudgebythenumberofancientskullsthat

haveturnedupwithneatholesinthem.Convincedthattrepanation

wouldhelpfacilitatehigherstatesofconsciousness,Feildingwentlooking

forsomeonetoperformtheoperationonher.Whenitbecameclearno

professionalwouldoblige,shetrepannedherselfin1970,boringasmall

holeinthemiddleofherforeheadwithanelectricdrill.(Shedocumented

theprocedureinashortbuthorrifyingfilmcalledHeartbeatinthe

Brain.)Pleasedwiththeresults,Feildingwentontostandforelectionto

Parliament,twice,onaplatformof“TrepanationfortheNational

Health.”

ButwhileAmandaFeildingmaybeeccentric,sheisbynomeans

feckless.Herworkonbothdrugresearchanddrugpolicyreformhas

beenserious,strategic,andproductive.Inrecentyears,herfocushas

shiftedfromtrepanationtothepotentialofpsychedelicstoimprovebrain

function.Inherownlife,shehasusedLSDasakindof“braintonic,”

favoringadailydosethathits“thatsweetspotwherecreativityand

enthusiasmisincreased,butcontrolismaintained.”(Shetoldmethat

therewasatimewhensheputthattonicdoseat150micrograms—far

aboveamicrodoseandenoughtosendmostpeople,myselfincluded,on

afull-fledgedtrip.ButbecausefrequentuseofLSDcanleadtotolerance,

it’sentirelypossiblethatforsomepeople150microgramsmerely“addsa

certainsparkletoconsciousness.”)IfoundFeildingtobedisarmingly

frankaboutthebaggageshebringstothenewconversationabout

psychedelicscience:“I’madruggie.Iliveinthisbighouse.AndIhavea

holeinmyhead.Iguessthatdisqualifiesme.”

So,whenanaspiringyoungscientistnamedRobinCarhart-Harris

cameforlunchatBeckleyin2005,sharinghisambitiontocombine

researchintoLSDandFreud,Feildingimmediatelysawthepotential,as

wellasanopportunitytoputhertheoriesaboutcerebralblood

circulationtothetest.FeildingindicatedtoCarhart-Harristhather

foundationmightbewillingtofundsuchresearchandsuggestedthathe

contactDavidNutt,thenaprofessorattheUniversityofBristolandan

allyofFeilding’sinthecampaigntoreformdrugpolicy.

Inhisownway,DavidNuttisasnotoriousinEnglandasAmanda

Feilding.Nutt,whoisalarge,jollyfellowinhissixtieswithamustache

andaboominglaugh,achievedhisparticularnotorietyin2009.That’s

whenthehomesecretaryfiredhimfromthegovernment’sAdvisory

CouncilontheMisuseofDrugs,ofwhichhehadbeenchair.The

committeeischargedwithadvisingthegovernmentontheclassification

ofillicitdrugsbasedontheirrisktoindividualsandsociety.Nutt,whois

anexpertonaddictionandontheclassofdrugscalledbenzodiazepines

(suchasValium),hadcommittedthefatalpoliticalerrorofquantifying

empiricallytherisksofvariouspsychoactivesubstances,bothlegaland

illegal.Hehadconcludedfromhisresearch,andwouldtellanyonewho

asked,thatalcoholwasmoredangerousthancannabisandthatusing

Ecstasywassaferthanridingahorse.

“Butthesentencethatgotmesacked,”hetoldmewhenwemetinhis

officeatImperial,“waswhenIwentonlivebreakfasttelevision.Iwas

asked,‘You’renotseriouslytellingusthatLSDislessharmfulthan

alcohol,areyou?’OfcourseIam!”*

RobinCarhart-HarriscametoseeDavidNuttin2005,hopingtostudy

psychedelicsanddreamingunderhimatBristol;tryingtobestrategic,he

mentionedthepossibilityoffundingfromFeilding.AsCarhart-Harris

recallstheinterview,Nuttwasbluntinhisdismissal:“‘Theideayouwant

todoisincrediblyfar-fetched,youhavenoneuroscienceexperience,it’s

completelyunrealistic.’ButItoldhimIputallmyeggsinthisbasket.”

Impressedbytheyoungman’sdetermination,Nuttmadehimanoffer:

“ComedoaPhDwithme.We’llstartwithsomethingstraightforward”—

thisturnedouttobetheeffectofMDMAontheserotoninsystem—“and

thenmaybelateronwecandopsychedelics.”

“Lateron”camein2009,whenCarhart-Harris,armedwithaPhDand

workinginNutt’slabwithfundingfromAmandaFeilding,received

approval(fromtheNationalHealthServiceandtheHomeOffice)to

studytheeffectofpsilocybinonthebrain.(LSDwouldcomeafewyears

later.)Carhart-Harrisputhimselfforwardasthefirstvolunteer.“Ifyou’re

goingtogivethisdrugtopeopleandputtheminascanner,Ithought,the

honestthingistodoitfirsttoyourself.”But,ashetoldNutt,“Ihavean

anxiousdisposition,andmaynothavebeeninthebestplace

psychologically,sohedissuadedme;healsothoughtparticipatinginthe

experimentmightcompromisemyobjectivity.”Intheend,acolleague

becamethefirstvolunteertoreceiveaninjectionofpsilocybinandthen

slideintoanfMRIscannertohavehistrippingbrainimaged.

Carhart-Harris’sworkinghypothesiswasthattheirbrainswould

exhibitincreasesinactivity,particularlyintheemotioncenters.“I

thoughtitwouldlooklikethedreamingbrain,”hetoldme.Employinga

differentscanningtechnology,FranzVollenweiderhadpublisheddata

indicatingthatpsychedelicsstimulatedbrainactivity,especiallyinthe

frontallobes.(Anarearesponsibleforexecutiveandotherhigher

cognitivefunctions.)Butwhenthefirstsetofdatacamein,Carhart-

Harrisgotasurprise:“Wewereseeingdecreasesinbloodflow”—blood

flowbeingoneoftheproxiesforbrainactivitythatfMRImeasures.“Had

wemadeamistake?Itwasarealhead-scratcher.”Buttheinitialdataon

bloodflowwascorroboratedbyasecondmeasurethatlooksatchangesin

oxygenconsumptiontopinpointareasofelevatedbrainactivity.Carhart-

Harrisandhiscolleagueshaddiscoveredthatpsilocybinreducesbrain

activity,withthefalloffconcentratedinoneparticularbrainnetworkthat

atthetimeheknewlittleabout:thedefaultmodenetwork.

Carhart-Harrisbeganreadinguponit.Thedefaultmodenetwork,or

DMN,wasnotknowntobrainscienceuntil2001.ThatwaswhenMarcus

Raichle,aneurologistatWashingtonUniversity,describeditina

landmarkpaperpublishedintheProceedingsoftheNationalAcademy

ofSciences,orPNAS.Thenetworkformsacriticalandcentrallylocated

hubofbrainactivitythatlinkspartsofthecerebralcortextodeeper(and

older)structuresinvolvedinmemoryandemotion.*

Thediscoveryofthedefaultmodenetworkwasactuallyascientific

accident,ahappyby-productoftheuseofbrain-imagingtechnologiesin

brainresearch.*ThetypicalfMRIexperimentbeginsbyestablishinga

“restingstate”baselineforneuralactivityasthevolunteersitsquietlyin

thescannerawaitingwhateverteststheresearcherhasinstore.Raichle

hadnoticedthatseveralareasinthebrainexhibitedheightenedactivity

preciselywhenhissubjectsweredoingnothingmentally.Thiswasthe

brain’s“defaultmode,”thenetworkofbrainstructuresthatlightupwith

activitywhentherearenodemandsonourattentionandwehaveno

mentaltasktoperform.Putanotherway,Raichlehaddiscoveredthe

placewhereourmindsgotowander—todaydream,ruminate,travelin

time,reflectonourselves,andworry.Itmaybethroughthesevery

structuresthatthestreamofourconsciousnessflows.

Thedefaultnetworkstandsinakindofseesawrelationshipwiththe

attentionalnetworksthatwakeupwhenevertheoutsideworlddemands

ourattention;whenoneisactive,theothergoesquiet,andviceversa.But

asanypersoncantellyou,quitealothappensinthemindwhennothing

muchisgoingonoutsideus.(Infact,theDMNconsumesa

disproportionateshareofthebrain’senergy.)Workingataremovefrom

oursensoryprocessingoftheoutsideworld,thedefaultmodeismost

activewhenweareengagedinhigher-level“metacognitive”processes

suchasself-reflection,mentaltimetravel,mentalconstructions(suchas

theselforego),moralreasoning,and“theoryofmind”—theabilityto

attributementalstatestoothers,aswhenwetrytoimagine“whatitis

like”tobesomeoneelse.Allthesefunctionsmaybelongexclusivelyto

humans,andspecificallytoadulthumans,forthedefaultmodenetwork

isn’toperationaluntillateinachild’sdevelopment.

“Thebrainisahierarchicalsystem,”Carhart-Harrisexplainedinone

ofourinterviews.“Thehighest-levelparts”—thosedevelopedlateinour

evolution,typicallylocatedinthecortex—“exertaninhibitoryinfluence

onthelower-level[andolder]parts,likeemotionandmemory.”Asa

whole,thedefaultmodenetworkexertsatop-downinfluenceonother

partsofthebrain,manyofwhichcommunicatewithoneanotherthrough

itscentrallylocatedhub.RobinhasdescribedtheDMNvariouslyasthe

brain’s“orchestraconductor,”“corporateexecutive,”or“capitalcity,”

chargedwithmanagingand“holdingthewholesystemtogether.”And

withkeepingthebrain’sunruliertendenciesincheck.

Thebrainconsistsofseveraldifferentspecializedsystems—onefor

visualprocessing,forexample,anothertocontrolmotoractivity—each

doingitsownthing.“Chaosisavertedbecauseallsystemsarenotcreated

equal,”MarcusRaichlehaswritten.“Electricalsignalingfromsomebrain

areastakesprecedenceoverothers.Atthetopofthishierarchyresides

theDMN,whichactsasanuber-conductortoensurethatthecacophony

ofcompetingsignalsfromonesystemdonotinterferewiththosefrom

another.”Thedefaultmodenetworkkeepsorderinasystemsocomplex

itmightotherwisedescendintotheanarchyofmentalillness.

Asmentioned,thedefaultmodenetworkappearstoplayaroleinthe

creationofmentalconstructsorprojections,themostimportantofwhich

istheconstructwecalltheself,orego.*Thisiswhysomeneuroscientists

callit“themenetwork.”Ifaresearchergivesyoualistofadjectivesand

asksyoutoconsiderhowtheyapplytoyou,itisyourdefaultmode

networkthatleapsintoaction.(Italsolightsupwhenwereceive“likes”

onoursocialmediafeeds.)Nodesinthedefaultnetworkarethoughtto

beresponsibleforautobiographicalmemory,thematerialfromwhichwe

composethestoryofwhoweare,bylinkingourpastexperienceswith

whathappenstousandwithprojectionsofourfuturegoals.

Theachievementofanindividualself,abeingwithauniquepastanda

trajectoryintothefuture,isoneofthegloriesofhumanevolution,butit

isnotwithoutitsdrawbacksandpotentialdisorders.Thepriceofthe

senseofanindividualidentityisasenseofseparationfromothersand

nature.Self-reflectioncanleadtogreatintellectualandartistic

achievementbutalsotodestructiveformsofself-regardandmanytypes

ofunhappiness.(Inanoften-citedpapertitled“AWanderingMindIsan

UnhappyMind,”psychologistsidentifiedastrongcorrelationbetween

unhappinessandtimespentinmindwandering,aprincipalactivityof

thedefaultmodenetwork.)But,acceptingthegoodwiththebad,mostof

ustakethisselfasanunshakablegiven,asrealasanythingweknow,and

asthefoundationofourlifeasconscioushumanbeings.OratleastI

alwaystookitthatway,untilmypsychedelicexperiencesledmeto

wonder.

PerhapsthemoststrikingdiscoveryofCarhart-Harris’sfirst

experimentwasthatthesteepestdropsindefaultmodenetworkactivity

correlatedwithhisvolunteers’subjectiveexperienceof“egodissolution.”

(“Iexistedonlyasanideaorconcept,”onevolunteerreported.Recalled

another,“Ididn’tknowwhereIendedandmysurroundingsbegan.”)The

moreprecipitousthedrop-offinbloodflowandoxygenconsumptionin

thedefaultnetwork,themorelikelyavolunteerwastoreportthelossofa

senseofself.*

ShortlyafterCarhart-Harrispublishedhisresultsina2012paperin

PNAS(“NeuralCorrelatesofthePsychedelicStateasDeterminedby

fMRIStudieswithPsilocybin”*),JudsonBrewer,aresearcheratYale*

whowasusingfMRItostudythebrainsofexperiencedmeditators,

noticedthathisscansandRobin’slookedremarkablyalike.The

transcendenceofselfreportedbyexpertmeditatorsshoweduponfMRIs

asaquietingofthedefaultmodenetwork.Itappearsthatwhenactivityin

thedefaultmodenetworkfallsoffprecipitously,theegotemporarily

vanishes,andtheusualboundariesweexperiencebetweenselfand

world,subjectandobject,allmeltaway.

Thissenseofmergingintosomelargertotalityisofcourseoneofthe

hallmarksofthemysticalexperience;oursenseofindividualityand

separatenesshingesonaboundedselfandacleardemarcationbetween

subjectandobject.Butallthatmaybeamentalconstruction,akindof

illusion—justastheBuddhistshavebeentryingtotellus.Thepsychedelic

experienceof“non-duality”suggeststhatconsciousnesssurvivesthe

disappearanceoftheself,thatitisnotsoindispensableaswe—andit—

liketothink.Carhart-Harrissuspectsthatthelossofacleardistinction

betweensubjectandobjectmighthelpexplainanotherfeatureofthe

mysticalexperience:thefactthattheinsightsitsponsorsarefelttobe

objectivelytrue—revealedtruthsratherthanplainoldinsights.Itcould

bethatinordertojudgeaninsightasmerelysubjective,oneperson’s

opinion,youmustfirsthaveasenseofsubjectivity.Whichisprecisely

whatthemysticonpsychedelicshaslost.

Themysticalexperiencemayjustbewhatitfeelslikewhenyou

deactivatethebrain’sdefaultmodenetwork.Thiscanbeachievedany

numberofways:throughpsychedelicsandmeditation,asRobinCarhart-

HarrisandJudsonBrewerhavedemonstrated,butperhapsalsoby

meansofcertainbreathingexercises(likeholotropicbreathwork),

sensorydeprivation,fasting,prayer,overwhelmingexperiencesofawe,

extremesports,near-deathexperiences,andsoon.Whatwouldscansof

brainsinthemidstofthoseactivitiesreveal?Wecanonlyspeculate,but

quitepossiblywewouldseethesamequietingofthedefaultmode

networkBrewerandCarhart-Harrishavefound.Thisquietingmightbe

accomplishedbyrestrictingbloodflowtothenetwork,orbystimulating

theserotonin2Areceptorsinthecortex,orbyotherwisedisturbingthe

oscillatoryrhythmsthatnormallyorganizethebrain.Buthoweverit

happens,takingthisparticularnetworkoff-linemaygiveusaccessto

extraordinarystatesofconsciousness—momentsofonenessorecstasy

thatarenolesswondrousforhavingaphysicalcause.

•••

IFTHEDEFAULTMODEnetworkistheconductorofthesymphonyofbrain

activity,youwouldexpectitstemporaryabsencefromthestagetoleadto

anincreaseindissonanceandmentaldisorder—asindeedappearsto

happenduringthepsychedelicjourney.Inaseriesofsubsequent

experimentsusingavarietyofbrain-imagingtechniques,Carhart-Harris

andhiscolleaguesbegantostudywhathappenselsewhereintheneural

orchestrawhenthedefaultmodenetworkputsdownitsbaton.

Takenasawhole,thedefaultmodenetworkexertsaninhibitory

influenceonotherpartsofthebrain,notablyincludingthelimbicregions

involvedinemotionandmemory,inmuchthesamewayFreudconceived

oftheegokeepingtheanarchicforcesoftheunconsciousidincheck.

(DavidNuttputsthematterbluntly,claimingthatintheDMN“we’ve

foundtheneuralcorrelateforrepression.”)Carhart-Harrishypothesizes

thattheseandothercentersofmentalactivityare“letofftheleash”when

thedefaultmodeleavesthestage,andinfactbrainscansshowan

increaseinactivity(asreflectedbyincreasesinbloodflowandoxygen

consumption)inseveralotherbrainregions,includingthelimbicregions,

undertheinfluenceofpsychedelics.Thisdisinhibitionmightexplainwhy

materialthatisunavailabletousduringnormalwakingconsciousness

nowfloatstothesurfaceofourawareness,includingemotionsand

memoriesand,sometimes,long-buriedchildhoodtraumas.Itisforthis

reasonthatsomescientistsandpsychotherapistsbelievepsychedelicscan

beprofitablyusedtosurfaceandexplorethecontentsoftheunconscious

mind.

Butthedefaultmodenetworkdoesn’tonlyexerttop-downcontrol

overmaterialarisingfromwithin;italsohelpsregulatewhatisletinto

consciousnessfromtheworldoutside.Itoperatesasakindoffilter(or

“reducingvalve”)chargedwithadmittingonlythat“measlytrickle”of

informationrequiredforustogetthroughtheday.Ifnotforthebrain’s

filteringmechanisms,thetorrentofinformationthesensesmake

availabletoourbrainsatanygivenmomentmightprovedifficultto

process—asindeedissometimesthecaseduringthepsychedelic

experience.“Thequestion,”asDavidNuttputsit,“iswhythebrainis

ordinarilysoconstrainedratherthansoopen?”Theanswermaybeas

simpleas“efficiency.”Todaymostneuroscientistsworkundera

paradigmofthebrainasaprediction-makingmachine.Toforma

perceptionofsomethingoutintheworld,thebraintakesinaslittle

sensoryinformationasitneedstomakeaneducatedguess.Weare

forevercuttingtothechase,basically,andleapingtoconclusions,relying

onpriorexperiencetoinformcurrentperception.

ThemaskexperimentIattemptedtoperformduringmypsilocybin

journeyisapowerfuldemonstrationofthisphenomenon.Atleastwhenit

isworkingnormally,thebrain,presentedwithafewvisualclues

suggestingitislookingataface,insistsonseeingthefaceasaconvex

structureevenwhenitisnot,becausethat’sthewayfacesusuallyare.

Thephilosophicalimplicationsof“predictivecoding”aredeepand

strange.Themodelsuggeststhatourperceptionsoftheworldofferusnot

aliteraltranscriptionofrealitybutratheraseamlessillusionwovenfrom

boththedataofoursensesandthemodelsinourmemories.Normal

wakingconsciousnessfeelsperfectlytransparent,andyetitislessa

windowonrealitythantheproductofourimaginations—akindof

controlledhallucination.Thisraisesaquestion:Howisnormalwaking

consciousnessanydifferentfromother,seeminglylessfaithful

productionsofourimagination—suchasdreamsorpsychoticdelusions

orpsychedelictrips?Infact,allthesestatesofconsciousnessare

“imagined”:they’rementalconstructsthatweavetogethersomenewsof

theworldwithpriorsofvariouskinds.Butinthecaseofnormalwaking

consciousness,thehandshakebetweenthedataofoursensesandour

preconceptionsisespeciallyfirm.That’sbecauseitissubjecttoa

continualprocessofrealitytesting,aswhenyoureachouttoconfirmthe

existenceoftheobjectinyourvisualfieldor,uponwakingfroma

nightmare,consultyourmemorytoseeifyoureallydidshowuptoteach

aclasswithoutanyclotheson.Unliketheseotherstatesofconsciousness,

ordinarywakingconsciousnesshasbeenoptimizedbynaturalselectionto

bestfacilitateoureverydaysurvival.

Indeed,thatfeelingoftransparencyweassociatewithordinary

consciousnessmayowemoretofamiliarityandhabitthanitdoesto

verisimilitude.Asapsychonautacquaintanceputittome,“Ifitwere

possibletotemporarilyexperienceanotherperson’smentalstate,my

guessisthatitwouldfeelmorelikeapsychedelicstatethana‘normal’

state,becauseofitsmassivedisparitywithwhatevermentalstateis

habitualwithyou.”

Anothertrippythoughtexperimentistotrytoimaginetheworldasit

appearstoacreaturewithanentirelydifferentsensoryapparatusand

wayoflife.Youquicklyrealizethereisnosinglerealityouttherewaiting

tobefaithfullyandcomprehensivelytranscribed.Oursenseshave

evolvedforamuchnarrowerpurposeandtakeinonlywhatservesour

needsasanimalsofaparticularkind.Thebeeperceivesasubstantially

differentspectrumoflightthanwedo;tolookattheworldthroughits

eyesistoperceiveultravioletmarkingsonthepetalsofflowers(evolved

toguidetheirlandingslikerunwaylights)thatdon’texistforus.That

exampleisatleastakindofseeing—asensewehappentosharewith

bees.Buthowdoweevenbegintoconceiveofthesensethatallowsbees

toregister(throughthehairsontheirlegs)theelectromagneticfieldsthat

plantsproduce?(Aweakchargeindicatesanotherbeehasrecentlyvisited

theflower;depletedofnectar,it’sprobablynotworthastop.)Thenthere

istheworldaccordingtoanoctopus!Imaginehowdifferentlyreality

presentsitselftoabrainthathasbeensoradicallydecentralized,its

intelligencedistributedacrosseightarmssothateachofthemcantaste,

touch,andevenmakeitsown“decisions”withoutconsulting

headquarters.

•••

WHATHAPPENSWHEN,undertheinfluenceofpsychedelics,theusuallyfirm

handshakebetweenbrainandworldbreaksdown?Noonething,asit

turnsout.IaskedCarhart-Harriswhetherthetrippingbrainfavorstop-

downpredictionsorbottom-upsensorydata.“That’stheclassic

dilemma,”hesuggested:whetherthemind,unconstrained,willtendto

favoritspriorsortheevidenceofitssenses.“Youdooftenfindakindof

impetuousnessoroverzealousnessonthepartofthepriors,aswhenyou

seefacesintheclouds.”Eagertomakesenseofthedatarushingin,the

brainleapstoerroneousconclusionsand,sometimes,ahallucination

results.(Theparanoiddoesmuchthesamething,ferociouslyimposinga

falsenarrativeonthestreamofincominginformation.)Butinother

cases,thereducingvalveopenswidetoadmitlotsmoreinformation,

uneditedandsometimeswelcome.

Peoplewhoarecolor-blindreportbeingabletoseecertaincolorsfor

thefirsttimewhenonpsychedelics,andthereisresearchtosuggestthat

peoplehearmusicdifferentlyundertheinfluenceofthesedrugs.They

processthetimbre,orcoloration,ofmusicmoreacutely—adimensionof

musicthatconveysemotion.WhenIlistenedtoBach’scellosuiteduring

mypsilocybinjourney,IwascertainIheardmoreofitthanIeverhad,

registeringshadingsandnuancesandtonesthatIhadn’tbeenableto

hearbeforeandhaven’theardsince.

Carhart-Harristhinksthatpsychedelicsrenderthebrain’susual

handshakeofperceptionlessstableandmoreslippery.Thetrippingbrain

may“slipbackandforth”betweenimposingitspriorsandadmittingthe

rawevidenceofitssenses.Hesuspectsthattherearemomentsduringthe

psychedelicexperiencewhenconfidenceinourusualtop-downconcepts

ofrealitycollapses,openingthewayformorebottom-upinformationto

getthroughthefilter.Butwhenallthatsensoryinformationthreatensto

overwhelmus,themindfuriouslygeneratesnewconcepts(crazyor

brilliant,ithardlymatters)tomakesenseofitall—“andsoyoumightsee

facescomingoutoftherain.

“That’sthebraindoingwhatthebraindoes”—thatis,workingto

reduceuncertaintyby,ineffect,tellingitselfstories.

•••

THEHUMANBRAINisaninconceivablycomplexsystem—perhapsthemost

complexsystemevertoexist—inwhichanorderhasemerged,thehighest

expressionofwhichisthesovereignselfandournormalwaking

consciousness.Byadulthood,thebrainhasgottenverygoodatobserving

andtestingrealityanddevelopingreliablepredictionsaboutitthat

optimizeourinvestmentsofenergy(mentalandotherwise)andtherefore

ourchancesofsurvival.Uncertaintyisacomplexbrain’sbiggest

challenge,andpredictivecodingevolvedtohelpusreduceit.Ingeneral,

thekindofprecookedorconventionalizedthinkingthisadaptation

producesservesuswell.Butonlyuptoapoint.

PreciselywherethatpointliesisaquestionRobinCarhart-Harrisand

hiscolleagueshaveexploredinanambitiousandprovocativepapertitled

“TheEntropicBrain:ATheoryofConsciousStatesInformedby

NeuroimagingResearchwithPsychedelicDrugs,”publishedinFrontiers

inHumanNeurosciencein2014.Here,Carhart-Harrisattemptstolay

outhisgrandsynthesisofpsychoanalysisandcognitivebrainscience.The

questionatitsheartis,dowepayapricefortheachievementoforderand

selfhoodintheadulthumanmind?Thepaperconcludesthatwedo.

Whilesuppressingentropy(inthiscontext,asynonymforuncertainty)in

thebrain“servestopromoterealism,foresight,carefulreflectionandan

abilitytorecognizeandovercomewishfulandparanoidfantasies,”atthe

sametimethisachievementtendsto“constraincognition”andexert“a

limitingornarrowinginfluenceonconsciousness.”

AfteraseriesofSkypeinterviews,RobinCarhart-HarrisandIwere

meetingforthefirsttime,inhisfifth-floorwalk-upinanunposhsection

ofNottingHill,afewmonthsafterthepublicationoftheentropypaper.

Inperson,IwasstruckbyRobin’syouthfulnessandintensity.Forallhis

ambition,hisaffectisstrikinglyself-effacinganddoeslittletoprepare

youforhiswillingnesstoventureoutontointellectuallimbsthatwould

scareofflessintrepidscientists.

Theentropypaperasksustoconceiveofthemindasanuncertainty-

reducingmachinewithafewseriousbugsinit.Thesheercomplexityof

thehumanbrainandthegreaternumberofdifferentmentalstatesinits

repertoire(ascomparedwithotheranimals)makethemaintenanceof

orderatoppriority,lestthesystemdescendintochaos.

Onceuponatime,Carhart-Harriswrites,thehumanorprotohuman

brainexhibitedamuchmoreanarchicformof“primaryconsciousness,”

characterizedby“magicalthinking”—beliefsabouttheworldthathave

beenshapedbywishesandfearsandsupernaturalinterpretation.(In

primaryconsciousness,Carhart-Harriswrites,“cognitionisless

meticulousinitssamplingoftheexternalworldandisinsteadeasily

biasedbyemotion,e.g.,wishesandanxieties.”)Magicalthinkingisone

wayforhumanmindstoreducetheiruncertaintyabouttheworld,butit

islessthanoptimalforthesuccessofthespecies.

Abetterwaytosuppressuncertaintyandentropyinthehumanbrain

emergedwiththeevolutionofthedefaultmodenetwork,Carhart-Harris

contends,abrain-regulatingsystemthatisabsentorundevelopedin

loweranimalsandyoungchildren.Alongwiththedefaultmodenetwork,

“acoherentsenseofselfor‘ego’emerges”and,withthat,thehuman

capacityforself-reflectionandreason.Magicalthinkinggiveswayto“a

morereality-boundstyleofthinking,governedbytheego.”Borrowing

fromFreud,hecallsthismorehighlyevolvedmodeofcognition

“secondaryconsciousness.”Secondaryconsciousness“paysdeferenceto

realityanddiligentlyseekstorepresenttheworldaspreciselyaspossible”

inordertominimize“surpriseanduncertainty(i.e.entropy).”

Thearticleoffersanintriguinggraphicdepictinga“spectrumof

cognitivestates,”rangingfromhigh-entropymentalstatestolowones.At

thehigh-entropyendofthespectrum,helistspsychedelicstates;infant

consciousness;earlypsychosis;magicalthinking;anddivergentor

creativethinking.Atthelow-entropyendofthespectrum,helistsnarrow

orrigidthinking;addiction;obsessive-compulsivedisorder;depression;

anesthesia;and,finally,coma.

Carhart-Harrissuggeststhatthepsychological“disorders”atthelow-

entropyendofthespectrumarenottheresultofalackoforderinthe

brainbutratherstemfromanexcessoforder.Whenthegroovesofself-

reflectivethinkingdeepenandharden,theegobecomesoverbearing.This

isperhapsmostclearlyevidentindepression,whentheegoturnsonitself

anduncontrollableintrospectiongraduallyshadesoutreality.Carhart-

Harriscitesresearchindicatingthatthisdebilitatingstateofmind

(sometimescalledheavyself-consciousnessordepressiverealism)may

betheresultofahyperactivedefaultmodenetwork,whichcantrapusin

repetitiveanddestructiveloopsofruminationthateventuallycloseusoff

fromtheworldoutside.Huxley’sreducingvalvecontractstozero.

Carhart-Harrisbelievesthatpeoplesufferingfromawholerangeof

disorderscharacterizedbyexcessivelyrigidpatternsofthought—

includingaddiction,obsessions,andeatingdisordersaswellas

depression—standtobenefitfrom“theabilityofpsychedelicstodisrupt

stereotypedpatternsofthoughtandbehaviorbydisintegratingthe

patternsof[neural]activityuponwhichtheyrest.”

Soitmaybethatsomebrainscouldstandtohavealittlemore

entropy,notless.Thisiswherepsychedelicscomein.Byquietingthe

defaultmodenetwork,thesecompoundscanloosentheego’sgriponthe

machineryofthemind,“lubricating”cognitionwherebeforeithadbeen

rustedstuck.“Psychedelicsalterconsciousnessbydisorganizingbrain

activity,”Carhart-Harriswrites.Theyincreasetheamountofentropyin

thebrain,withtheresultthatthesystemrevertstoalessconstrained

modeofcognition.*

“It’snotjustthatonesystemdropsaway,”hesays,“butthatanolder

systemreemerges.”Thatoldersystemisprimaryconsciousness,amode

ofthinkinginwhichtheegotemporarilylosesitsdominionandthe

unconscious,nowunregulated,“isbroughtintoanobservablespace.”

This,forCarhart-Harris,istheheuristicvalueofpsychedelicstothestudy

ofthemind,thoughheseestherapeuticvalueaswell.

It’sworthnotingthatCarhart-Harrisdoesnotromanticize

psychedelicsandhaslittlepatienceforthesortof“magicalthinking”and

“metaphysics”thattheynourishintheiracolytes—suchastheideathat

consciousnessis“transpersonal,”apropertyoftheuniverseratherthan

thehumanbrain.Inhisview,theformsofconsciousnessthat

psychedelicsunleashareregressionstoa“moreprimitive”modeof

cognition.WithFreud,hebelievesthatthelossofself,andthesenseof

oneness,characteristicofthemysticalexperience—whetheroccasioned

bychemistryorreligion—returnustothepsychologicalconditionofthe

infantonitsmother’sbreast,astagewhenithasyettodevelopasenseof

itselfasaseparateandboundedindividual.ForCarhart-Harris,the

pinnacleofhumandevelopmentistheachievementofthisdifferentiated

self,orego,anditsimpositionoforderontheanarchyofaprimitive

mindbuffetedbyfearsandwishesandgiventovariousformsofmagical

thinking.WhileheholdswithAldousHuxleythatpsychedelicsthrow

openthedoorsofperception,hedoesnotagreethateverythingthat

comesthroughthatopening—includingthe“MindatLarge”thatHuxley

glimpsed—isnecessarilyreal.“Thepsychedelicexperiencecanyieldalot

offool’sgold,”hetoldme.

YetCarhart-Harrisalsobelievesthereisgenuinegoldinthe

psychedelicexperience.Whenwemet,heofferedexamplesofscientists

whoseownexperienceswithLSDhadsuppliedthemwithinsightsinto

theworkingsofthebrain.Toomuchentropyinthehumanbrainmay

leadtoatavisticthinkingand,atthefarend,madness,yettoolittlecan

crippleusaswell.Thegripofanoverbearingegocanenforcearigidityin

ourthinkingthatispsychologicallydestructive.Itmaybesociallyand

politicallydestructivetoo,inthatitclosesthemindtoinformationand

alternativepointsofview.

Inoneofourconversations,Robinspeculatedthataclassofdrugs

withthepowertooverturnhierarchiesinthemindandsponsor

unconventionalthinkinghasthepotentialtoreshapeusers’attitudes

towardauthorityofallkinds;thatis,thecompoundsmayhaveapolitical

effect.ManybelieveLSDplayedpreciselythatroleinthepolitical

upheavalofthe1960s.

“Wasitthathippiesgravitatedtopsychedelics,ordopsychedelics

createhippies?Nixonthoughtitwasthelatter.Hemayhavebeenright!”

Robinbelievesthatpsychedelicsmayalsosubtlyshiftpeople’sattitudes

towardnature,whichalsounderwentaseachangeinthe1960s.When

theinfluenceoftheDMNdeclines,sodoesoursenseofseparateness

fromourenvironment.HisteamatImperialCollegehastested

volunteersonastandardpsychologicalscalethatmeasures“nature

relatedness”(respondentsratetheiragreementwithstatementslike“I

amnotseparatefromnature,butapartofnature”).Apsychedelic

experienceelevatedpeople’sscores.*

•••

SOWHATDOESahigh-entropybrainlooklike?Thevariousscanning

technologiesthattheImperialCollegelabhasusedtomapthetripping

brainshowthatthespecializedneuralnetworksofthebrain—suchasthe

defaultmodenetworkandthevisualprocessingsystem—eachbecome

disintegrated,whilethebrainasawholebecomesmoreintegratedasnew

connectionsspringupamongregionsthatordinarilykeptmainlyto

themselvesorwerelinkedonlyviathecentralhuboftheDMN.Put

anotherway,thevariousnetworksofthebrainbecamelessspecialized.

“Distinctnetworksbecamelessdistinctunderthedrug,”Carhart-

Harrisandhiscolleagueswrote,“implyingthattheycommunicatemore

openly,”withotherbrainnetworks.“Thebrainoperateswithgreater

flexibilityandinterconnectednessunderhallucinogens.”

Ina2014paperpublishedintheJournaloftheRoyalSociety

Interface,theImperialCollegeteamdemonstratedhowtheusuallinesof

communicationswithinthebrainareradicallyreorganizedwhenthe

defaultmodenetworkgoesoff-lineandthetideofentropyisallowedto

rise.Usingascanningtechniquecalledmagnetoencephalography,which

mapselectricalactivityinthebrain,theauthorsproducedamapofthe

brain’sinternalcommunicationsduringnormalwakingconsciousness

andafteraninjectionofpsilocybin(shownonthefollowingpages).Inits

normalstate,shownontheleft,thebrain’svariousnetworks(here

depictedliningthecircle,eachrepresentedbyadifferentcolor)talk

mostlytothemselves,witharelativelyfewheavilytraffickedpathways

amongthem.

Butwhenthebrainoperatesundertheinfluenceofpsilocybin,as

shownontheright,thousandsofnewconnectionsform,linkingfar-flung

brainregionsthatduringnormalwakingconsciousnessdon’texchange

muchinformation.Ineffect,trafficisreroutedfromarelativelysmall

numberofinterstatehighwaysontomyriadsmallerroadslinkingagreat

manymoredestinations.Thebrainappearstobecomelessspecialized

andmoregloballyinterconnected,withconsiderablymoreintercourse,or

“crosstalk,”amongitsvariousneighborhoods.

Thereareseveralwaysthistemporaryrewiringofthebrainmayaffect

mentalexperience.Whenthememoryandemotioncentersareallowedto

communicatedirectlywiththevisualprocessingcenters,it’spossibleour

wishesandfears,prejudicesandemotions,begintoinformwhatwesee—

ahallmarkofprimaryconsciousnessandarecipeformagicalthinking.

Likewise,theestablishmentofnewlinkagesacrossbrainsystemscangive

risetosynesthesia,aswhensenseinformationgetscross-wiredsothat

colorsbecomesoundsorsoundsbecometactile.Orthenewlinksgiverise

tohallucination,aswhenthecontentsofmymemorytransformedmy

visualperceptionofMaryintoMaríaSabina,ortheimageofmyfacein

themirrorintoavisionofmygrandfather.Theformingofstillother

kindsofnovelconnectionscouldmanifestinmentalexperienceasanew

idea,afreshperspective,acreativeinsight,ortheascribingofnew

meaningstofamiliarthings—oranynumberofthebizarremental

phenomenapeopleonpsychedelicsreport.Theincreaseinentropyallows

athousandmentalstatestobloom,manyofthembizarreandsenseless,

butsomenumberofthemrevelatory,imaginative,and,atleast

potentially,transformative.

Onewaytothinkaboutthisbloomingofmentalstatesisthatit

temporarilybooststhesheeramountofdiversityinourmentallife.If

problemsolvingisanythinglikeevolutionaryadaptation,themore

possibilitiesthemindhasatitsdisposal,themorecreativeitssolutions

willbe.Inthissense,entropyinthebrainisabitlikevariationin

evolution:itsuppliesthediversityofrawmaterialsonwhichselectioncan

thenoperatetosolveproblemsandbringnoveltyintotheworld.If,asso

manyartistsandscientistshavetestified,thepsychedelicexperienceisan

aidtocreativity—tothinking“outsidethebox”—thismodelmighthelp

explainwhythatisthecase.Maybetheproblemwith“thebox”isthatitis

singular.

Akeyquestionthatthescienceofpsychedelicshasnotevenbegunto

answeriswhetherthenewneuralconnectionsthatpsychedelicsmake

possibleendureinanyway,orifthebrain’swiringreturnstothestatus

quoanteoncethedrugwearsoff.ThefindingbyRolandGriffiths’slab

thatthepsychedelicexperienceleadstolong-termchangesinthe

personalitytraitofopennessraisesthepossibilitythatsomekindof

learningtakesplacewhilethebrainisrewiredandthatitmightinsome

waypersist.Learningentailstheestablishmentofnewneuralcircuits;

thesegetstrongerthemoreexercisetheyget.Thelong-termfateofthe

novelconnectionsformedduringthepsychedelicexperience—whether

theyprovedurableorevanescent—mightdependonwhetherwerecall

and,ineffect,exercisethemaftertheexperienceends.(Thiscouldbeas

simpleasrecollectingwhatweexperienced,reinforcingitduringthe

integrationprocess,orusingmeditationtoreenactthealteredstateof

consciousness.)FranzVollenweiderhassuggestedthatthepsychedelic

experiencemayfacilitate“neuroplasticity”:itopensawindowinwhich

patternsofthoughtandbehaviorbecomemoreplasticandsoeasierto

change.Hismodelsoundslikeachemicallymediatedformofcognitive

behavioraltherapy.Butsofarthisisallhighlyspeculative;asyetthere

hasbeenlittlemappingofthebrainbeforeandafterpsychedelicsto

determinewhat,ifanything,theexperiencechangesinalastingway.

Carhart-Harrisarguesintheentropypaperthatevenatemporary

rewiringofthebrainispotentiallyvaluable,especiallyforpeople

sufferingfromdisorderscharacterizedbymentalrigidity.Ahigh-dose

psychedelicexperiencehasthepowerto“shakethesnowglobe,”hesays,

disruptingunhealthypatternsofthoughtandcreatingaspaceof

flexibility—entropy—inwhichmoresalubriouspatternsandnarratives

haveanopportunitytocoalesceasthesnowslowlyresettles.

•••

THEIDEAthatincreasingtheamountofentropyinthehumanbrainmight

actuallybegoodforusissurelycounterintuitive.Mostofusbringa

negativeconnotationtotheterm:entropysuggeststhegradual

deteriorationofahard-wonorder,thedisintegrationofasystemover

time.Certainlygettingolderfeelslikeanentropicprocess—agradual

runningdownanddisorderingofthemindandbody.Butmaybethat’s

thewrongwaytothinkaboutit.RobinCarhart-Harris’spapergotme

wonderingif,atleastforthemind,agingisreallyaprocessofdeclining

entropy,thefadingovertimeofwhatweshouldregardasapositive

attributeofmentallife.

Certainlybymiddleage,theswayofhabitualthinkingoverthe

operationsofthemindisnearlyabsolute.Bynow,Icancountonpast

experiencetoproposequickandusuallyserviceableanswerstojustabout

anyquestionrealityposes,whetherit’sabouthowtosootheachildor

mollifyaspouse,repairasentence,acceptacompliment,answerthenext

question,ormakesenseofwhatever’shappeningintheworld.With

experienceandtime,itgetseasiertocuttothechaseandleapto

conclusions—clichésthatimplyakindofagilitybutthatinfactmay

signifypreciselytheopposite:apetrifactionofthought.Thinkofitas

predictivecodingonthescaleoflife;thepriors—andbynowI’vegot

millionsofthem—usuallyhavemyback,canbereliedontogivemea

decentenoughanswer,evenifitisn’taparticularlyfreshorimaginative

one.Aflatteringtermforthisregimeofgoodenoughpredictionsis

“wisdom.”

ReadingRobin’spaperhelpedmebetterunderstandwhatIwas

lookingforwhenIdecidedtoexplorepsychedelics:togivemyownsnow

globeavigorousshaking,seeifIcouldrenovatemyeverydaymentallife

byintroducingagreatermeasureofentropy,anduncertainty,intoit.

Gettingoldermightrendertheworldmorepredictable(ineverysense),

yetitalsolightenstheburdenofresponsibility,creatinganewspacefor

experiment.Minehadbeentoseeifitwasn’ttoolatetoskipoutofsome

ofthedeepergroovesofhabitthatthebeen-theresanddone-thatsoflong

experiencehadinscribedonmymind.

•••

INBOTHPHYSICSandinformationtheory,entropyisoftenassociatedwith

expansion—asintheexpansionofagaswhenitisheatedorfreedfrom

theconstraintsofacontainer.Asthegas’smoleculesdiffuseinspace,it

becomeshardertopredictthelocationofanygivenone;theuncertainty

ofthesystemthusincreases.Inathrowawaylineattheendofhisentropy

paper,Carhart-Harrisremindsusthatinthe1960sthepsychedelic

experiencewasusuallydescribedas“consciousness-expansion”;

knowinglyornot,TimothyLearyandhiscolleagueshadhitonexactlythe

rightmetaphorfortheentropicbrain.Thisexpansionmetaphoralso

chimeswithHuxley’sreducingvalve,implyingasitdoesthat

consciousnessexistsinastateofopeningorcontraction.

Asamatterofexperience,aqualityasabstractasentropyisalmost

impossibleforustoperceive,butexpansion,perhaps,isnot.Judson

Brewer,theneuroscientistwhostudiesmeditation,hasfoundthatafelt

senseofexpansioninconsciousnesscorrelateswithadropinactivityin

oneparticularnodeofthedefaultmodenetwork—theposteriorcingulate

cortex(PCC),whichisassociatedwithself-referentialprocessing.Oneof

themostinterestingthingsaboutapsychedelicexperienceisthatit

sharpensone’ssensitivitytoone’sownmentalstates,especiallyinthe

daysimmediatelyfollowing.Theusualseamlessnessofconsciousnessis

disturbedinsuchawayastomakeanygivenstate—mindwandering,

focusedattention,rumination—bothmoresalientandsomewhateasierto

manipulate.Inthewakeofmypsychedelicexperiences(and,perhaps,in

thewakeofinterviewingJudsonBrewer),IfoundthatwhenIputmy

mindtoit,Icouldlocatemyownstateofconsciousnessonaspectrum

rangingfromcontractiontoexpansion.

When,forexample,I’mfeelingespeciallygenerousorgrateful,opento

feelingsandpeopleandnature,Iregisterasenseofexpansion.This

feelingisoftenaccompaniedbyadiminutionofego,aswellasafalloffin

theattentionpaidtopastandfutureonwhichtheegofeasts.(And

depends.)Bythesametoken,thereisapronouncedsenseofcontraction

whenI’mobsessingaboutthingsorfeelingfearful,defensive,rushed,

worried,andregretful.(Theselasttwofeelingsdon’texistwithouttime

travel.)Atsuchtimes,Ifeelaltogethermoreme,andnotinagoodway.If

theneuroscientistsareright,whatI’mobservinginmymindhasa

physicalcorrelateinthebrain:thedefaultmodenetworkiseitheronline

oroff;entropyiseitherhighorlow.Whatexactlytodowiththis

informationI’mnotyetsure.

•••

BYNOW,itmaybelosttomemory,butallofus,eventhepsychedelically

naive,havehaddirectpersonalexperienceofanentropicbrainandthe

noveltypeofconsciousnessitsponsors—asayoungchild.Baby

consciousnessissodifferentfromadultconsciousnessastoconstitutea

mentalcountryofitsown,onefromwhichweareexpelledsometime

earlyinadolescence.Isthereawaybackin?Theclosestwecancometo

visitingthatforeignlandasadultsmaybeduringthepsychedelicjourney.

ThisatleastisthestartlinghypothesisofAlisonGopnik,adevelopmental

psychologistandphilosopherwhohappenstobeacolleagueofmineat

Berkeley.

AlisonGopnikandRobinCarhart-Harriscomeattheproblemof

consciousnessfromwhatseemlikecompletelydifferentdirectionsand

disciplines,butsoonaftertheylearnedofeachother’swork(Ihade-

mailedaPDFofRobin’sentropypapertoAlisonandtoldhimabouther

superbbook,ThePhilosophicalBaby),theystruckupaconversationthat

hasproventoberemarkablyilluminating,atleastforme.InApril2016,

theirconversationwounduponastageataconferenceonconsciousness

inTucson,Arizona,wherethetwometforthefirsttimeandshareda

panel.*

InmuchthesamewaypsychedelicshavegivenCarhart-Harrisan

obliqueanglefromwhichtoapproachthephenomenaofnormal

consciousnessbyexploringanalteredstateofit,Gopnikproposeswe

regardthemindoftheyoungchildasanotherkindof“alteredstate,”and

inanumberofrespectsitisastrikinglysimilarone.Shecautionsthatour

thinkingaboutthesubjectisusuallyconstrainedbyourownrestricted

experienceofconsciousness,whichwenaturallytaketobethewholeofit.

Inthiscase,mostofthetheoriesandgeneralizationsaboutconsciousness

havebeenmadebypeoplewhoshareafairlylimitedsubtypeofitshe

calls“professorconsciousness,”whichshedefinesas“the

phenomenologyofyouraveragemiddle-agedprofessor.”

“Asacademics,eitherwe’reincrediblyfocusedonaparticular

problem,”Gopniktoldtheaudienceofphilosophersandneuroscientists

inTucson,“orwe’resittingtheresayingtoourselves,‘Whycan’tIfocus

onthisproblemI’msupposedtobefocusedon,andwhyinsteadamI

daydreaming?’”GopnikherselflooksthepartofaBerkeleyprofessorin

herearlysixties,withhercolorfulscarves,flowingskirts,andsensible

shoes.Achildofthe1960swhoisnowagrandmother,shehasaspeaking

stylethatisatoncelightheartedandlearned,studdedwithreferences

indicatingamindasmuchathomeinthehumanitiesasthesciences.

“Ifyouthought,aspeopleoftenhavethought,thatthiswasallthere

wastoconsciousness...youmightverywellfindyourselfthinkingthat

youngchildrenwereactuallylessconsciousthanwewere,”becauseboth

focusedattentionandself-reflectionareabsentinyoungchildren.Gopnik

asksustothinkaboutchildconsciousnessintermsofnotwhat’smissing

fromitorundevelopedbutratherwhatisuniquelyandwonderfully

present—qualitiesthatshebelievespsychedelicscanhelpustobetter

appreciateand,possibly,reexperience.

InThePhilosophicalBaby,Gopnikdrawsausefuldistinctionbetween

the“spotlightconsciousness”ofadultsandthe“lanternconsciousness”of

youngchildren.Thefirstmodegivesadultstheabilitytonarrowlyfocus

attentiononagoal.(Inhisownremarks,Carhart-Harriscalledthis“ego

consciousness”or“consciousnesswithapoint.”)Inthesecondmode—

lanternconsciousness—attentionismorewidelydiffused,allowingthe

childtotakeininformationfromvirtuallyanywhereinherfieldof

awareness,whichisquitewide,widerthanthatofmostadults.(Bythis

measure,childrenaremoreconsciousthanadults,ratherthanless.)

Whilechildrenseldomexhibitsustainedperiodsofspotlight

consciousness,adultsoccasionallyexperiencethat“vividpanoramic

illuminationoftheeveryday”thatlanternconsciousnessaffordsus.To

borrowJudsonBrewer’sterms,lanternconsciousnessisexpansive,

spotlightconsciousnessnarrow,orcontracted.

Theadultbraindirectsthespotlightofitsattentionwhereitwilland

thenreliesonpredictivecodingtomakesenseofwhatitperceives.Thisis

notatallthechild’sapproach,Gopnikhasdiscovered.Being

inexperiencedinthewayoftheworld,themindoftheyoungchildhas

comparativelyfewpriors,orpreconceptions,toguideherperceptions

downthepredictabletracks.Instead,thechildapproachesrealitywith

theastonishmentofanadultonpsychedelics.

Whatthismeansforcognitionandlearningcanbebestunderstoodby

lookingatmachinelearning,orartificialintelligence,Gopniksuggests.In

teachingcomputershowtolearnandsolveproblems,AIdesignersspeak

intermsof“hightemperature”and“lowtemperature”searchesforthe

answerstoquestions.Alow-temperaturesearch(so-calledbecauseit

requireslessenergy)involvesreachingforthemostprobableornearest-

to-handanswer,liketheonethatworkedforasimilarprobleminthe

past.Low-temperaturesearchessucceedmoreoftenthannot.Ahigh-

temperaturesearchrequiresmoreenergybecauseitinvolvesreachingfor

lesslikelybutpossiblymoreingeniousandcreativeanswers—thosefound

outsidetheboxofpreconception.Drawingonitswealthofexperience,

theadultmindperformslow-temperaturesearchesmostofthetime.

Gopnikbelievesthatboththeyoungchild(fiveandunder)andthe

adultonapsychedelichaveastrongerpredilectionforthehigh-

temperaturesearch;intheirquesttomakesenseofthings,theirminds

explorenotjustthenearbyandmostlikelybut“theentirespaceof

possibilities.”Thesehigh-temperaturesearchesmightbeinefficient,

incurringahigherrateoferrorandrequiringmoretimeandmental

energytoperform.High-temperaturesearchescanyieldanswersthatare

moremagicalthanrealistic.Yettherearetimeswhenhotsearchesarethe

onlywaytosolveaproblem,andoccasionallytheyreturnanswersof

surpassingbeautyandoriginality.E=mc

wastheproductofahigh-

temperaturesearch.

Gopnikhastestedthishypothesisonchildreninherlabandhasfound

thattherearelearningproblemsthatfour-year-oldsarebetteratsolving

thanadults.Thesearepreciselythekindsofproblemsthatrequire

thinkingoutsidethebox,thosetimeswhenexperiencehobblesrather

thangreasesthegearsofproblemsolving,oftenbecausetheproblemis

sonovel.Inoneexperiment,shepresentedchildrenwithatoyboxthat

lightsupandplaysmusicwhenacertainkindofblockisplacedontopof

it.Normally,this“blicketdetector”issettorespondtoasingleblockofa

certaincolororshape,butwhentheexperimenterreprogramsthe

machinesothatitrespondsonlywhentwoblocksareplacedonit,four-

year-oldsfigureitoutmuchfasterthanadultsdo.

“Theirthinkingislessconstrainedbyexperience,sotheywilltryeven

themostunlikelypossibilities”;thatis,they’llconductlotsofhigh-

temperaturesearches,testingthemostfar-outhypotheses.“Childrenare

betterlearnersthanadultsinmanycaseswhenthesolutionsare

nonobvious”or,assheputsit,“furtheroutinthespaceofpossibilities,”a

realmwheretheyaremoreathomethanweare.Farout,indeed.

“Wehavethelongestchildhoodofanyspecies,”Gopniksays.“This

extendedperiodoflearningandexplorationiswhat’sdistinctiveabout

us.IthinkofchildhoodastheR&Dstageofthespecies,concerned

exclusivelywithlearningandexploring.Weadultsareproductionand

marketing.”LaterIaskedherifshemeanttosaythatchildrenperform

R&Dfortheindividual,notthespecies,butinfactshemeantexactly

whatshesaid.

“Eachgenerationofchildrenconfrontsanewenvironment,”she

explained,“andtheirbrainsareparticularlygoodatlearningandthriving

inthatenvironment.Thinkofthechildrenofimmigrants,orfour-year-

oldsconfrontedwithaniPhone.Childrendon’tinventthesenewtools,

theydon’tcreatethenewenvironment,butineverygenerationtheybuild

thekindofbrainthatcanbestthriveinit.Childhoodisthespecies’ways

ofinjectingnoiseintothesystemofculturalevolution.”“Noise,”of

course,isinthiscontextanotherwordfor“entropy.”

“Thechild’sbrainisextremelyplastic,goodforlearning,not

accomplishing”—betterfor“exploringratherthanexploiting.”Italsohas

agreatmanymoreneuralconnectionsthantheadultbrain.(Duringthe

panel,Carhart-Harrisshowedhismapofthemindonpsilocybin,withits

denseforestoflinesconnectingeveryregiontoeveryother.)Butaswe

reachadolescence,mostofthoseconnectionsgetpruned,sothatthe

“humanbrainbecomesalean,meanactingmachine.”Akeyelementof

thatdevelopmentalprocessisthesuppressionofentropy,withallofits

implications,bothgoodandbad.Thesystemcools,andhotsearches

becometheexceptionratherthantherule.Thedefaultmodenetwork

comesonline.

“Consciousnessnarrowsaswegetolder,”Gopniksays.“Adultshave

congealedintheirbeliefsandarehardtoshift,”shehaswritten,whereas

“childrenaremorefluidandconsequentlymorewillingtoentertainnew

ideas.

“Ifyouwanttounderstandwhatanexpandedconsciousnesslooks

like,allyouhavetodoishaveteawithafour-year-old.”

OrdropatabofLSD.Gopniktoldmeshehasbeenstruckbythe

similaritiesbetweenthephenomenologyoftheLSDexperienceandher

understandingoftheconsciousnessofchildren:hottersearches,diffused

attention,morementalnoise(orentropy),magicalthinking,andlittle

senseofaselfthatiscontinuousovertime.

“Theshortsummaryis,babiesandchildrenarebasicallytrippingall

thetime.”

•••

SURELYTHISINSIGHTisinteresting,butisituseful?BothGopnikand

Carhart-Harrisbelieveitis,believethatthepsychedelicexperience,as

theyconceptualizeit,hasthepotentialtohelppeoplewhoaresickand

peoplewhoarenot.Forthewell,psychedelics,byintroducingmorenoise

orentropyintothebrain,mightshakepeopleoutoftheirusualpatterns

ofthought—“lubricatecognition,”inCarhart-Harris’swords—inways

thatmightenhancewell-being,makeusmoreopenandboostcreativity.

InGopnik’sterms,thedrugscouldhelpadultsachievethekindoffluid

thinkingthatissecondnaturetokids,expandingthespaceofcreative

possibility.If,asGopnikhypothesizes,“childhoodisawayofinjecting

noise—andnovelty—intothesystemofculturalevolution,”psychedelics

mightdothesamethingforthesystemoftheadultmind.

Asfortheunwell,thepatientswhostandtogainthemostareprobably

thosesufferingfromthekindsofmentaldisorderscharacterizedby

mentalrigidity:addiction,depression,obsession.

“Therearearangeofdifficultiesandpathologiesinadults,like

depression,thatareconnectedwiththephenomenologyofrumination

andanexcessivelynarrow,ego-basedfocus,”Gopniksays.“Yougetstuck

onthesamething,youcan’tescape,youbecomeobsessive,perhaps

addicted.Itseemsplausibletomethatthepsychedelicexperiencecould

helpusgetoutofthosestates,createanopportunityinwhichtheold

storiesofwhowearemightberewritten.”Theexperiencecouldworkasa

kindofreset—aswhenyou“introduceaburstofnoiseintoasystem”that

hasgottenlockedintoarigidpattern.Quietingthedefaultmodenetwork

andlooseningthegripoftheego—whichshesuggestsmaybeillusory

anyway—mightalsobehelpfultosuchpeople.Gopnik’sideaofabrain

rebootsoundedverymuchlikeCarhart-Harris’snotionofshakingthe

snowglobe:awaytoboostentropy,orheat,inasystemthathasgotten

frozenstuck.

Soonafterpublishinghisentropypaper,Carhart-Harrisresolvedto

putsomeofhistheoriesintopracticebytestingthemonpatients.Forthe

firsttime,thelabexpandeditsfocusfrompureresearchtoaclinical

applicationofthatwork.DavidNuttsecuredagrantfromtheU.K.

governmentforthelabtoconductasmallpilotstudylookingatthe

potentialofpsilocybintorelievethesymptomsof“treatment-resistant

depression”—patientswhohadn’trespondedtotheusualtherapeutic

protocolsanddrugs.

DoingclinicalworkwasdefinitelyoutsideCarhart-Harris’sexperience

andcomfortzone,aswellasthelab’s.Oneunfortunateearlyepisode

pointeduptheinherenttensionsbetweentherolesoftheclinician,

devotedsolelytothepatient’swelfare,andthescientist,intenton

gatheringdataaswell.AfterbeinginjectedwithLSDinatrialCarhart-

Harriswasrunning(notaclinicaltrial,itshouldbepointedout),a

volunteerinhislatethirtiesnamedTobySlaterbeganfeelinganxiousin

thefMRIscannerandaskedtogetout.Aftertakingabreak,Slater,

perhapshopingtopleasetheresearchers,volunteeredtogetbackinthe

machinesotheycouldcompletetheexperiment.(“I’mafraidhecouldsee

mydisappointment,”Carhart-Harrisrecalls,ruefully.)ButSlater’s

anxietyreturned:“Ifeltlikealabrat,”hetoldme.Heaskedtogetout

againandtriedtoleavethelab.Theresearchershadtopersuadehimto

stayandletthemadministerasedative.

Carhart-Harrisdescribestheepisode—oneoftheveryfewadverse

eventsseenintheImperialresearch—as“alearningexperience”and,by

allaccounts,hehassinceshownhimselftobeacompassionateand

effectiveclinicianaswellasanoriginalscientist—surelyarare

combination.Theresponseofmostpatientsinthedepressiontrial,aswe

willseeinthefollowingchapter,hasbeenremarkablypositive,atleastin

theshortterm.OverdinneratarestaurantinWestLondon,Robintold

meaboutoneseverelydepressedwomaninthetrialwhomoverthe

courseofseveralmeetingshehadneveronceseensmile.Ashesatwith

herduringherpsilocybinjourney,“shesmiledfortheveryfirsttime.

“‘It’snicetosmile,’shesaid.

“Afteritwasover,shetoldmeshehadbeenvisitedbyaguardian

angel.Shedescribedapresenceofsomekind,avoicethatwasentirely

supportiveandwantedhertobewell.Itwouldsaythingslike‘Darling,

youneedtosmilemore,holdyourheaduphigh,stoplookingdownatthe

ground.Thenitreachedoverandpushedupmycheeks,’shesaid,‘lifting

thecornersofmymouth.’

“ThatmusthavebeenwhatwashappeninginhermindwhenI

observedhersmiling,”Robinsaid,nowsmilinghimself,broadlyifabit

sheepishly.Intheaftermathofherexperience,thewoman’sdepression

scoredroppedfromthirty-sixtofour.

“Ihavetosay,thatwasaverynicefeeling.”

CHAPTERSIX

THETRIPTREATMENT

PsychedelicsinPsychotherapy

One:Dying

ATNEWYORKUNIVERSITY,psilocybintripstakeplaceinatreatmentroom

carefullydecoratedtolookmorelikeacozydenthanahospitalsuite.The

effectalmostworks,butnotentirely,forthestainlesssteelandplastic

fittingsofmodernmedicinepeekthroughthedomesticscrimhereand

there,chillyremindersthattheroomyouaretrippinginisstillinthe

bellyofabigcityhospitalcomplex.

Againstonewallisacomfortablecouchlongenoughforapatientto

stretchoutonduringasession.Anabstractpainting—orisitacubist

landscape?—hangsontheoppositewall,andonthebookshelveslarge-

formatbooksaboutartandmythologysharespacewithnativecraftitems

andspiritualknickknacks—alargeglazedceramicmushroom,aBuddha,

acrystal.Thiscouldbetheapartmentofawell-traveledshrinkofa

certainage,onewithaninterestinEasternreligionsandtheartofwhat

usedtobecalledprimitivecultures.Yettheillusioncrumblesassoonas

youliftyourgazetotheceiling,wherethetracksthatwouldordinarily

supportthecurtainsdividingonehospitalbedfromanothertraversethe

whiteacoustictiles.Andthenthereisthesupersizedbathroom,ablaze

withfluorescentlightandoutfittedwiththerequisitegrabbarsand

pedals.

ItwashereinthisroomthatIfirstheardthestoryofPatrickMettes,a

volunteerinNYU’spsilocybincancertrialwho,inthecourseofa

turbulentsix-hourpsilocybinjourneyonthecouchwhereInowsat,hada

life-changing—orperhapsIshouldsaydeath-changing—experience.Ihad

cometointerviewTonyBossis,thepalliativecarepsychologistwho

guidedMettesthatday,andhiscolleagueStephenRoss,theBellevue

psychiatristwhodirectedthetrial,whichsoughttodeterminewhethera

singlehighdoseofpsilocybincouldalleviatetheanxietyanddepression

thatoftenfollowalife-threateningcancerdiagnosis.

WhileBossis,hirsuteandbearish,looksthepartofafifty-something

Manhattanshrinkwithaninterestinalternativetherapies,Ross,whois

inhisforties,comesacrossasmoreofastraightarrow;neatlytrimmedin

asuitandtie,hecouldpassforaWallStreetbanker.Abookishteenager

growingupinL.A.,Rosssayshehadnopersonalexperienceof

psychedelicsandknewnexttonothingaboutthembeforeacolleague

happenedtomentionthatLSDhadbeenusedsuccessfullytotreat

alcoholicsinthe1950sand1960s.Thisbeinghispsychiatricspecialty,

Rossdidsomeresearchandwasastonishedtodiscovera“completely

buriedbodyofknowledge.”Bythe1990s,whenhebeganhisresidencyin

psychiatryatColumbiaandtheNewYorkStatePsychiatricInstitute,the

historyofpsychedelictherapyhadbeenerasedfromthefield,nevertobe

mentioned.

ThetrialatNYU,alongwithasisterstudyconductedinRoland

Griffiths’slabatJohnsHopkins,representsoneofahandfulofeffortsto

pickupthethreadofinquirythatgotdroppedinthe1970swhen

sanctionedpsychedelictherapyended.WhiletheNYUandHopkinstrials

areassessingthepotentialofpsychedelicstohelpthedying,othertrials

nowunderwayareexploringthepossibilitythatpsychedelics(usually

psilocybinratherthanLSD,because,asRossexplained,it“carriesnone

ofthepoliticalbaggageofthosethreeletters”)couldbeusedtolift

depressionandbreakaddictions—toalcohol,cocaine,andtobacco.

Noneofthisworkisexactlynew:todelveintothehistoryofclinical

researchwithpsychedelicsistorealizethatmostofthisgroundhas

alreadybeentilled.CharlesGrob,theUCLApsychiatristwhose2011pilot

studyofpsilocybinforcanceranxietyclearedthepathfortheNYUand

Hopkinstrials,acknowledgesthat“inalotofwayswearesimplypicking

upthetorchfromearliergenerationsofresearcherswhohadtoputit

downbecauseofculturalpressures.”Butifpsychedelicsareevertofind

acceptanceinmodernmedicine,allthisburiedknowledgewillneedtobe

excavatedandtheexperimentsthatproduceditreprisedaccordingtothe

prevailingscientificstandards.

Yetevenaspsychedelictherapiesarebeingtestedbymodernscience,

theverystrangenessofthesemoleculesandtheiractionsuponthemind

isatthesametimetestingwhetherWesternmedicinecandealwiththe

implicitchallengestheypose.Tociteoneobviousexample,conventional

drugtrialsofpsychedelicsaredifficultifnotimpossibletoblind:most

participantscantellwhetherthey’vereceivedpsilocybinoraplacebo,and

socantheirguides.Also,intestingthesedrugs,howcanresearchershope

toteaseoutthechemical’seffectfromthecriticalinfluenceofsetand

setting?Westernscienceandmoderndrugtestingdependontheability

toisolateasinglevariable,butitisn’tclearthattheeffectsofa

psychedelicdrugcaneverbeisolated,whetherfromthecontextinwhich

itisadministered,thepresenceofthetherapistsinvolved,orthe

volunteer’sexpectations.Anyofthesefactorscanmuddythewatersof

causality.AndhowisWesternmedicinetoevaluateapsychiatricdrug

thatappearstoworknotbymeansofanystrictlypharmacologicaleffect

butbyadministeringacertainkindofexperienceinthemindsofthe

peoplewhotakeit?

Addtothisthefactthatthekindofexperiencethesedrugssponsor

oftengoesundertheheadingof“spiritual,”andyouhave,with

psychedelictherapy,averylargepillformodernmedicinetoswallow.

CharlesGrobwellappreciatesthechallengebutisalsorefreshingly

unapologeticaboutit:hedescribespsychedelictherapyasaformof

“appliedmysticism.”Thisissurelyanoddphrasetohearonthelipsofa

scientist,andtomanyearsitsoundsdangerouslyunscientific.

“Formethatisnotamedicalconcept,”FranzVollenweider,the

pioneeringpsychedelicresearcher,toldSciencemagazine,whenaskedto

commentontheroleofmysticisminpsychedelictherapy.“It’smorelike

aninterestingshamanicconcept.”Butotherresearchersworkingon

psychedelicsdon’trunfromtheideathatelementsofshamanismmight

havearoletoplayinpsychedelictherapy—asindeedithasprobablydone

forseveralthousandyearsbeforetherewassuchathingasscience.“Ifwe

aretodevelopoptimalresearchdesignsforevaluatingthetherapeutic

utilityofhallucinogens,”Grobhaswritten,“itwillnotbesufficientto

adheretostrictstandardsofscientificmethodologyalone.Wemustalso

payheedtotheexamplesprovidedusbysuchsuccessfulapplicationsof

theshamanicparadigm.”Underthatparadigm,theshaman/therapist

carefullyorchestrates“extrapharmacologicalvariables”suchassetand

settinginordertoputthe“hyper-suggestibleproperties”ofthese

medicinestobestuse.Thisispreciselywherepsychedelictherapyseems

tobeoperating:onafrontierbetweenspiritualityandsciencethatisas

provocativeasitisuncomfortable.

Yetthenewresearchintopsychedelicscomesalongatatimewhen

mentalhealthtreatmentinthiscountryisso“broken”—tousethewordof

TomInsel,whountil2015wasdirectoroftheNationalInstituteof

MentalHealth—thatthefield’swillingnesstoentertainradicalnew

approachesisperhapsgreaterthanithasbeeninageneration.The

pharmacologicaltoolboxfortreatingdepression—whichafflictsnearlya

tenthofallAmericansand,worldwide,istheleadingcauseofdisability—

haslittleinittoday,withantidepressantslosingtheireffectiveness*and

thepipelinefornewpsychiatricdrugsdryingup.Pharmaceutical

companiesarenolongerinvestinginthedevelopmentofso-calledCNS

drugs—medicinestargetedatthecentralnervoussystem.Themental

healthsystemreachesonlyafractionofthepeoplesufferingfrommental

disorders,mostofwhomarediscouragedfromseekingtreatmentbyits

cost,socialstigma,orineffectiveness.Therearealmostforty-three

thousandsuicideseveryyearinAmerica(morethanthenumberof

deathsfromeitherbreastcancerorautoaccidents),yetonlyabouthalfof

thepeoplewhotaketheirliveshaveeverreceivedmentalhealth

treatment.“Broken”doesnotseemtooharshacharacterizationofsucha

system.

JeffreyGuss,aManhattanpsychiatristandacoinvestigatoronthe

NYUtrial,thinksthemomentcouldberipeforpsychotherapyto

entertainacompletelynewparadigm.Gusspointsoutthatformany

yearsnow“we’vehadthisconflictbetweenthebiologicallybased

treatmentsandpsychodynamictreatments.They’vebeenfightingone

anotherforlegitimacyandresources.Ismentalillnessadisorderof

chemistry,orisitalossofmeaninginone’slife?Psychedelictherapyis

theweddingofthosetwoapproaches.”

Inrecentyears,“psychiatryhasgonefrombeingbrainlesstobeing

mindless,”asonepsychoanalysthasputit.Ifpsychedelictherapyproves

successful,itwillbebecauseitsucceedsinrejoiningthebrainandthe

mindinthepracticeofpsychotherapy.Atleastthat’sthepromise.

Forthetherapistsworkingwithpeopleapproachingtheendoflife,

thesequestionsareofmorethanacademicinterest.AsIchattedwith

StephenRossandTonyBossisintheNYUtreatmentroom,Iwasstruck

bytheirexcitement,vergingongiddiness,attheresultstheywere

observingintheircancerpatients—afterasingleguidedpsilocybin

session.Atfirst,Rosscouldn’tbelievewhathewasseeing:“Ithoughtthe

firsttenortwentypeoplewereplants—thattheymustbefakingit.They

weresayingthingslike‘Iunderstandloveisthemostpowerfulforceon

theplanet’or‘Ihadanencounterwithmycancer,thisblackcloudof

smoke.’Peoplewerejourneyingtoearlypartsoftheirlivesandcoming

backwithaprofoundnewsenseofthings,newpriorities.Peoplewhohad

beenpalpablyscaredofdeath—theylosttheirfear.Thefactthatadrug

givenoncecouldhavesuchaneffectforsolongisanunprecedented

finding.Wehaveneverhadanythinglikethatinthepsychiatricfield.”

ThisiswhenTonyBossisfirsttoldmeabouthisexperiencesittingwith

PatrickMettesashejourneyedtoaplaceinhismindthat,somehow,

liftedthesiegeofhisterror.

“You’reinthisroom,butyou’reinthepresenceofsomethinglarge.I

rememberhow,aftertwohoursofsilence,Patrickbegantocrysoftlyand

say,twice,‘Birthanddeathisalotofwork.’It’shumblingtositthere.It’s

themostrewardingdayofyourcareer.”

Asapalliativecarespecialist,Bossisspendsalotofhistimewiththe

dying.“Peopledon’trealizehowfewtoolswehaveinpsychiatryto

addressexistentialdistress.”Existentialdistressiswhatpsychologistscall

thecomplexofdepression,anxiety,andfearcommoninpeople

confrontingaterminaldiagnosis.“Xanaxisn’ttheanswer.”Ifthereisan

answer,Bossisbelieves,itisgoingtobemorespiritualinnaturethan

pharmacological.

“Sohowdowenotexplorethis,”heasks,“ifitcanrecalibratehowwe

die?”

•••

ITWASONANAPRILMONDAYin2010thatPatrickMettes,afifty-three-year-

oldtelevisionnewsdirectorbeingtreatedforacancerofhisbileducts,

readthearticleonthefrontpageoftheNewYorkTimesthatwould

changehisdeath.Hisdiagnosishadcomethreeyearsearlier,shortlyafter

hiswife,LisaCallaghan,noticedthatthewhitesofhiseyeshadsuddenly

turnedyellow.By2010,thecancerhadspreadtoPatrick’slungs,andhe

wasbucklingundertheweightofanespeciallydebilitatingchemotherapy

regimeandthedawningrealizationthathemightnotsurvive.Thearticle,

headlined“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain,”briefly

mentionedresearchatNYU,wherepsilocybinwasbeingtestedtorelieve

existentialdistressincancerpatients.AccordingtoLisa,Patrickhadno

experiencewithpsychedelics,butheimmediatelydeterminedtocallNYU

andvolunteer.

Lisawasagainsttheidea.“Ididn’twanttheretobeaneasywayout,”

shetoldme.“Iwantedhimtofight.”

Patrickplacedthecallanywayand,afterfillingoutsomeformsand

answeringalonglistofquestions,wasacceptedintothetrial.Hewas

assignedtoTonyBossis.TonywasroughlythesameageasPatrick;heis

alsoasoulfulmanofuncommonwarmthandcompassion,andthetwo

immediatelyhititoff.

Attheirfirstmeeting,BossistoldPatrickwhattoexpect.Afterthreeor

fourpreparatorysessionsoftalkingtherapy,Patrickwouldbescheduled

fortwodosings—oneoftheman“activeplacebo”(inthiscaseahighdose

ofniacin,whichproducesatinglingsensation),andtheotheracapsule

containingtwenty-fivemilligramsofpsilocybin.Bothsessionswouldtake

placeinthetreatmentroomwhereImetBossisandRoss.Duringeach

session,whichwouldlastthebetterpartofaday,Patrickwouldlieonthe

couchwearingeyeshadesandlisteningthroughheadphonestoaplaylist

ofcarefullycuratedmusic—BrianEno,PhilipGlass,PatMetheny,and

RaviShankar,aswellassomeclassicalandNewAgecompositions.Two

sitters—oneofthemmale(Bossis)andtheotherfemale(Krystallia

Kalliontzi)—wouldbeinattendancefortheduration,sayingverylittlebut

availabletohelpshouldherunintoanytrouble.Inpreparation,thetwo

sharedwithPatrickthesetof“flightinstructions”writtenbytheHopkins

researcherBillRichards.

BossissuggestedthatPatrickusethephrase“Trustandletgo”asa

kindofmantraforhisjourney.Gowhereverittakesyou,headvised:

“Climbstaircases,opendoors,explorepaths,flyoverlandscapes.”Butthe

mostimportantadviceforthejourneyheofferedisalwaystomove

toward,ratherthantrytoflee,anythingtrulythreateningormonstrous

youencounter—lookitstraightintheeyes.“Diginyourheelsandask,

‘Whatareyoudoinginmymind?’Or,‘WhatcanIlearnfromyou?’”

•••

THEIDEAOFGIVINGapsychedelicdrugtothedyingwasfirstbroachednot

byatherapistorscientistbutbyAldousHuxleyinalettertoHumphry

Osmond,proposingaresearchprojectinvolving“theadministrationof

LSDtoterminalcancercases,inthehopethatitwouldmakedyinga

morespiritual,lessstrictlyphysiologicalprocess.”Huxleyhimselfhadhis

wife,Laura,givehimaninjectionofLSDwhenhewasonhisown

deathbed,onNovember22,1963.

Bythen,Huxley’sideahadbeentestedonanumberofcancerpatients

inNorthAmerica.In1965,SidneyCohenwroteanessayforHarper’s

(“LSDandtheAnguishofDying”)exploringthepotentialofpsychedelics

to“alter[]theexperienceofdying.”HedescribedtreatmentwithLSDas

“therapybyself-transcendence.”Thepremisebehindtheapproachwas

thatourfearofdeathisafunctionofouregos,whichburdenuswitha

senseofseparatenessthatcanbecomeunbearableasweapproachdeath.

“Wearebornintoanegolessworld,”Cohenwrote,“butweliveanddie

imprisonedwithinourselves.”

Theideawastousepsychedelicstoescapetheprisonofself.“We

wantedtoprovideabrief,lucidintervalofcompleteegolessnessto

demonstratethatpersonalintactnesswasnotabsolutelynecessary,and

thatperhapstherewassomething‘outthere’”—somethinggreaterthan

ourindividualselvesthatmightsurviveourdemise.Cohenquoteda

patient,awomandyingofovariancancer,describingtheshiftinher

perspectivefollowinganLSDsession:

Myextinctionisnotofgreatconsequenceatthismoment,

notevenforme.It’sjustanotherturnintheswingof

existenceandnon-existence.Ifeelithaslittletodowiththe

churchortalkofdeath.IsupposethatI’mdetached—that’sit

—awayfrommyselfandmypainandmydecaying.Icould

dienicelynow—ifitshouldbeso.Idonotinviteit,nordoI

putitoff.

In1972,StanislavGrofandBillRichards,whowereworkingtogether

atSpringGrove,wrotethatLSDgavepatientsanexperience“ofcosmic

unity”suchthatdeath,“insteadofbeingseenastheabsoluteendof

everythingandastepintonothingness,appearssuddenlyasatransition

intoanothertypeofexistence...Theideaofpossiblecontinuityof

consciousnessbeyondphysicaldeathbecomesmuchmoreplausiblethan

theopposite.”

•••

VOLUNTEERSINTHENYUpsilocybintrialarerequiredtowriteanaccount

oftheirjourneysoonafteritscompletion,andPatrickMettes,who

workedinjournalism,tooktheassignmentseriously.Hiswife,Lisa,said

thatafterhisFridaysessionPatricklaboredallweekendtomakesenseof

theexperienceandwriteitdown.Lisaagreedtosharehisaccountwith

meandalsogavePatrick’stherapist,TonyBossis,permissiontoshowme

thenoteshetookduringthesession,aswellashisnotesfromseveral

follow-uppsychotherapysessions.

Lisa,whoatthetimeworkedasamarketingexecutiveforacookware

company,hadanimportantmeetingonthatJanuarymorningin2011,so

PatrickcamebyhimselftothetreatmentroomintheNYUdentalschool

onFirstAvenueandTwenty-fourthStreet,takingthesubwayfromtheir

apartmentinBrooklyn.(Thetreatmentroomwasinthedentalcollege

because,atthetime,bothBellevueandNYU’scancercenterwantedto

keeptheirdistancefromatrialinvolvingpsychedelics.)TonyBossisand

KrystalliaKalliontzi,hisguides,greetedhim,reviewedtheday’splans,

andthenat9:00a.m.presentedPatrickwithachalicecontainingthepill;

whetheritcontainedpsilocybinortheplacebo,noneofthemwouldknow

foratleastthirtyminutes.Patrickwasaskedtostatehisintention,which

hesaidwastolearntocopebetterwiththeanxietyanddepressionhefelt

abouthiscancerandtoworkonwhathecalledhis“regretinlife.”He

placedafewphotographsaroundtheroom,ofhimselfandLisaontheir

weddingdayandoftheirdog,Arlo.

At9:30,Patricklaydownonthecouch,putontheheadphonesand

eyeshades,andfellquiet.Inhisaccount,Patricklikenedthestartofthe

journeytothelaunchofaspaceshuttle:“aphysicallyviolentandrather

clunkyliftoffwhicheventuallygavewaytotheblissfulserenityof

weightlessness.”

ManyofthevolunteersIinterviewedreportedinitialepisodesof

intensefearandanxietybeforegivingthemselvesuptotheexperience,as

theguidesencouragethemtodo.Thisiswheretheflightinstructions

comein.Theirpromiseisthatifyousurrendertowhateverhappens

(“trust,letgo,andbeopen”or“relaxandfloatdownstream”),whateverat

firstmightseemterrifyingwillsoonmorphintosomethingelse,and

likelysomethingpleasant,evenblissful.

Earlyinhisjourney,Patrickencounteredhisbrother’swife,whodied

ofcancermorethantwentyyearsearlier,atforty-three.“Ruthactedas

mytourguide,”hewrote,and“didn’tseemsurprisedtoseeme.She

‘wore’hertranslucentbodysoIwouldknowher...Thisperiodofmy

journeyseemedtobeaboutthefeminine.”MichelleObamamadean

appearance.“Theconsiderablefeminineenergyallaroundmemadeclear

theideathatamother,anymother,regardlessofhershortcomings...

couldneverNOTloveheroffspring.Thiswasverypowerful.IknewIwas

crying...itwasherethatIfeltasifIwascomingoutofthewomb...

beingbirthedagain.Myrebirthwassmooth...comforting.”

Outwardly,however,whatwashappeningtoPatrickappearedtobe

anythingbutsmooth.Hewascrying,Bossisnoted,andbreathingheavily.

Thisiswhenhefirstsaid,“Birthanddeathisalotofwork,”andseemed

tobeconvulsing.ThenPatrickreachedoutandclutchedKalliontzi’shand

whilepullinguphiskneesandpushing,asifheweredeliveringababy.

FromBossis’snotes:

11:15“OhGod.”

11:25“It’sreallysosimple.”

11:47“Whoknewamancouldgivebirth?”Andthen,

“Igavebirth,towhatIdon’tknow.”

12:10“It’sjusttooamazing.”Patrickisalternatelylaughing

andcryingatthispoint.“OhGod,itallmakessensenow,

sosimpleandbeautiful.”

NowPatrickaskedtotakeabreak.“Itwasgettingtoointense,”he

wrote.Heremovedtheheadphonesandeyeshades.“Isatupandspoke

withTonyandKrystallia.Imentionedthateveryonedeservedtohavethis

experience...thatifeveryonedid,noonecouldeverdoharmtoanother

again...warswouldbeimpossibletowage.Theroomandeverythingin

itwasbeautiful.TonyandKrystallia,sittingon[their]pillows,were

radiant!”Theyhelpedhimtothebathroom.“Eventhegerms(ifthere

wereanypresent)werebeautiful,aswaseverythinginourworldand

universe.”

Afterward,hevoicedsomereluctanceto“gobackin.”

“TheworkwasconsiderablebutIlovedthesenseofadventure.”

Eventually,heputhiseyeshadesandheadphonesonandlaybackdown.

“Fromhereon,lovewastheonlyconsideration...Itwasandisthe

onlypurpose.Loveseemedtoemanatefromasinglepointoflight...and

itvibrated...Icouldfeelmyphysicalbodytryingtovibrateinunitywith

thecosmos...and,frustratingly,Ifeltlikeaguywhocouldn’tdance...

buttheuniverseacceptedit.Thesheerjoy...thebliss...thenirvana...

wasindescribable.Andinfacttherearenowordstoaccuratelycapture

myexperience...mystate...thisplace.IknowI’vehadnoearthly

pleasurethat’severcomeclosetothisfeeling...nosensation,noimage

ofbeauty,nothingduringmytimeonearthhasfeltaspureandjoyfuland

gloriousastheheightofthisjourney.”Aloud,hesaid,“Neverhadan

orgasmofthesoulbefore.”Themusicloomedlargeintheexperience:“I

waslearningasongandthesongwassimple...itwasonenote...C...

itwasthevibrationoftheuniverse...acollectionofeverythingthatever

existed...alltogetherequalingGod.”

Patrickthendescribedanepiphanyhavingtodowithsimplicity.He

wasthinkingaboutpoliticsandfood,musicandarchitecture,and—his

field—televisionnews,whichherealizedwas,likesomuchelse,“over-

produced.Weputtoomanynotesinasong...toomanyingredientsin

ourrecipes...toomanyflourishesintheclotheswewear,thehouseswe

livein...itallseemedsopointlesswhenreallyallweneededtodowas

focusonthelove.”JustthenhesawDerekJeter,thentheYankee

shortstop,“makingyetanotherballeticturntofirstbase.”

“IwasconvincedinthatmomentIhadfigureditallout...Itwasright

thereinfrontofme...love...theonlythingthatmattered.Thiswas

nowtobemylife’scause.”

ThenhesaidsomethingthatBossisjotteddownat12:15:“Ok,Igetit!

Youcanallpunchoutnow.Ourworkisdone.”

Butitwasn’tdone,notyet.Now“Itookatourofmylungs...I

rememberbreathingdeeplytohelpfacilitatethe‘seeing.’”Bossisnoted

thatat2:30Patrickhadsaid,“Iwentintomylungsandsawtwospots.

Theywerenobigdeal.

“Iwasbeingtold(withoutwords)nottoworryaboutthecancer...it’s

minorintheschemeofthings...simplyanimperfectionofyour

humanityandthatthemoreimportantmatter...therealworktobe

doneisbeforeyou.Again,love.”

NowPatrickexperiencedwhathecalled“abriefdeath.”

“Iapproachedwhatappearedtobeaverysharp,pointedpieceof

stainlesssteel.Ithadarazorbladequalitytoit.Icontinueduptotheapex

ofthisshinymetalobjectandasIarrived,Ihadachoice,tolookornot

look,overtheedgeandintotheinfiniteabyss...thevastnessofthe

universe...theeyeofeverything...[and]ofnothing.Iwashesitantbut

notfrightened.IwantedtogoallinbutfeltthatifIdid,Iwouldpossibly

leavemybodypermanently...deathfromthislife.Butitwasnota

difficultdecision...Iknewtherewasmuchmoreformehere.”Telling

hisguidesabouthischoice,Patrickexplainedthathe“wasnotreadyto

jumpoffandleaveLisa.”

Then,rathersuddenlyaround3:00p.m.,itwasover.“Thetransition

fromastatewhereIhadnosenseoftimeorspacetotherelativedullness

ofnow,happenedquickly.Ihadaheadache.”

WhenLisaarrivedtotakehimhome,Patrick“lookedlikehehadruna

race,”sherecalled.“Thecolorinhisfacewasnotgood,helookedtired

andsweaty,buthewasonfire.Hewaslitupwithallthethingshewanted

totellmeandallthethingshecouldn’t.”Hetoldherhe“hadtouchedthe

faceofGod.”

•••

EVERYPSYCHEDELICJOURNEYisdifferent,yetafewcommonthemesseemto

recurinthejourneysofthosestrugglingwithcancer.Manyofthecancer

patientsIintervieweddescribedanexperienceofeithergivingbirthor

beingreborn,thoughnonequiteasintenseasPatrick’s.Manyalso

describedanencounterwiththeircancer(ortheirfearofit)thathadthe

effectofshrinkingitspoweroverthem.Imentionedearlierthe

experienceofDinahBazer,apetiteandmildNewYorkerinhersixties,a

figure-skatinginstructor,whowasdiagnosedwithovariancancerin

2010.WhenwemetintheNYUtreatmentroom,Dinah,whohasauburn

curlsandworelargehoopearrings,toldmethatevenafterasuccessful

courseofchemotherapyshewasparalyzedbythefearofarecurrenceand

wastedherdays“waitingfortheothershoetodrop.”

ShetooworkedwithTonyBossisandinthedifficultfirstmomentsof

hersessionimaginedherselftrappedintheholdofaship,rockingback

andforth,consumedbyfear.“Istuckmyhandoutfromunderthe

blanketandsaid,‘Iamsoscared.’Tonytookmyhandandtoldmetojust

gowithit.Hishandbecamemyanchor.

“Isawmyfear.Almostasinadream,myfearwaslocatedundermy

ribcageontheleftside;itwasnotmytumor,butitwasthisblackthing

inmybody.Anditmademeimmenselyangry;Iwasenragedbymyfear.

Iscreamed,‘Getthefuckout!Iwon’tbeeatenalive.’Andyouknow

what?Itwasgone!Itwentaway.Idroveitawaywithmyanger.”Dinah

reportsthatyearslaterithasn’treturned.“Thecancerissomething

completelyoutofmycontrol,butthefear,Irealized,isnot.”

Dinah’sepiphanygavewaytofeelingsof“overwhelminglove”asher

thoughtsturnedfromherfeartoherchildren.Shetoldmeshewasand

remainsa“solidatheist,”andyet“thephrasethatIused—whichIhateto

usebutit’stheonlywaytodescribeit—isthatIfelt‘bathedinGod’s

love.’”Paradoxisahallmarkofthemysticalexperience,andthe

contradictionbetweenthedivineloveDinahfeltand“nothavingashred

ofbelief”didn’tseemtofazeher.WhenIpointedthisout,sheshrugged

andthensmiled:“Whatotherwayistheretoexpressit?”

Notsurprisingly,visionsofdeathloomlargeinthejourneystakenby

thecancerpatientsIinterviewedatNYUandHopkins.Abreastcancer

survivorinhersixties(whoaskedtoremainanonymous)described

zippingmerrilythroughspaceasifinavideogameuntilshearrived

smackatthewallofacrematoriumandrealized,withafright,“I’vedied

andnowI’mgoingtobecremated.(ButIdidn’thavetheexperienceof

burning—howcouldI?Iwasdead!)ThenextthingIknow,I’m

belowgroundinthisgorgeousforest,deepwoods,loamyandbrown.

TherearerootsallaroundmeandI’mseeingthetreesgrowing,andI’m

partofthem.IhaddiedbutIwasthereinthegroundwithalltheseroots

anditdidn’tfeelsadorhappy,justnatural,contented,peaceful.Iwasn’t

gone.Iwaspartoftheearth.”

Severalcancerpatientsdescribededginguptotheprecipiceofdeath

andlookingovertotheothersidebeforedrawingback.TammyBurgess,

diagnosedwithovariancanceratfifty-five,foundherselfpeeringacross

“thegreatplaneofconsciousness.Itwasverysereneandbeautiful.Ifelt

alone,butIcouldreachoutandtouchanyoneI’deverknown.

“Whenmytimecame,that’swheremylifewouldgoonceitleftme,

andthatwasokay.”

Theuncannyauthorityofthepsychedelicexperiencemighthelp

explainwhysomanycancerpatientsinthetrialsreportedthattheirfear

ofdeathhadliftedoratleastabated:theyhadstareddirectlyatdeathand

cometoknowsomethingaboutit,inakindofdressrehearsal.“Ahigh-

dosepsychedelicexperienceisdeathpractice,”saysKatherineMacLean,

theformerHopkinspsychologist.“You’relosingeverythingyouknowto

bereal,lettinggoofyouregoandyourbody,andthatprocesscanfeel

likedying.”Andyettheexperiencebringsthecomfortingnewsthatthere

issomethingontheothersideofthatdeath—whetheritisthe“great

planeofconsciousness”orone’sashesundergroundbeingtakenupby

therootsoftrees—andsomeabiding,disembodiedintelligenceto

somehowknowit.“NowIamawarethatthereisawholeother‘reality,’”

oneNYUvolunteertoldaresearcherafewmonthsafterherjourney.

“Comparedtootherpeople,itislikeIknowanotherlanguage.”

Atafollow-upsessionwithTonyBossisafewweeksafterhisjourney,

PatrickMettes—whomhiswife,Lisa,describesas“anearthy,connected

person,adoer”—discussedtheideaofanafterlife.Bossis’snotesindicate

thatPatrickinterpretedhisjourneyas“prettyclearlyawindow...[on]a

kindofafterlife,somethingbeyondthisphysicalbody.”Hespokeof“the

planeofexistenceoflove”as“infinite.”Insubsequentsessions,Patrick

talkedabouthisbodyandcancer“as[a]typeofillusion.”Italsobecame

clearthat,psychologicallyatleast,Patrickwasdoingremarkablywellin

theaftermathofhissession.Hewasmeditatingregularly,felthehad

becomebetterabletoliveinthepresent,and“describedloving[his]wife

evenmore.”InasessioninMarch,twomonthsoutfromhisjourney,

BossisnotedthatPatrick,thoughslowlydyingofcancer,“feelsthe

happiestinhislife.”

“Iamtheluckiestmanonearth.”

•••

HOWMUCHSHOULDTHEAUTHENTICITYoftheseexperiencesconcernus?

Mostofthetherapistsinvolvedintheresearchtakeascrupulously

pragmaticviewofthequestion.They’refixedonrelievingtheirpatients’

sufferingandexhibitscantinterestinmetaphysicaltheoriesorquestions

oftruth.“That’sabovemypaygrade,”TonyBossissaidwithashrugwhen

Iaskedhimwhetherhethoughttheexperiencesofcosmicconsciousness

describedbyhispatientswerefictiveorreal.Askedthesamequestion,

BillRichardscitedWilliamJames,whosuggestedwejudgethemystical

experiencenotbyitsveracity,whichisunknowable,butby“itsfruits”:

Doesitturnsomeone’slifeinapositivedirection?

Manyresearchersacknowledgethatastrongplaceboeffectmaybeat

workwhenadrugassuggestibleaspsilocybinisadministeredbymedical

professionalswithlegalandinstitutionalsanction:undersuch

conditions,theexpectationsofthetherapistaremuchmorelikelytobe

fulfilledbythepatient.(Andbadtripsaremuchlesslikelytooccur.)Here

webumpintooneofthericherparadoxesofthepsilocybintrials:whileit

succeedsinnosmallpartbecauseithasthesanctionandauthorityof

science,itseffectivenessseemstodependonamysticalexperiencethat

leavespeopleconvincedthereismoretothisworldthansciencecan

explain.Scienceisbeingusedtovalidateanexperiencethatwouldappear

tounderminethescientificperspectiveinwhatmightbecalledWhite-

CoatShamanism.

Arequestionsoftruthimportant,ifthetherapyhelpspeoplewhoare

suffering?Ihaddifficultyfindinganyoneinvolvedintheresearchwho

wastroubledbysuchquestions.DavidNichols,theretiredPurdue

UniversitychemistandpharmacologistwhofoundedtheHeffter

ResearchInstitutein1993tosupportpsychedelicresearch(includingthe

trialsatHopkins,forwhichhesynthesizedthepsilocybin),putsthe

pragmaticcasemostbaldly.Ina2014interviewwithSciencemagazine,

hesaid,“Ifitgivesthempeace,ifithelpspeopletodiepeacefullywith

theirfriendsandtheirfamilyattheirside,Idon’tcareifit’srealoran

illusion.”

Forhispart,RolandGriffithsacknowledgesthat“authenticityisa

scientificquestionnotyetanswered.Allwehavetogobyisthe

phenomenology”—thatis,whatpeopletellusabouttheirinternal

experiences.That’swhenhebeganqueryingmeaboutmyownspiritual

development,whichIconfessedwasstillfairlyrudimentary;Itoldhim

myworldviewhasalwaysbeenstaunchlymaterialist.

“Okay,then,butwhataboutthemiraclethatweareconscious?Just

thinkaboutthatforasecond,thatweareawareandthatweareaware

thatweareaware!Howunlikelyisthat?”Howcanwebecertain,hewas

suggesting,thatourexperienceofconsciousnessis“authentic”?The

answeriswecan’t;itisbeyondthereachofourscience,andyetwho

doubtsitsreality?Infact,theevidencefortheexistenceofconsciousness

ismuchliketheevidencefortherealityofthemysticalexperience:we

believeitexistsnotbecausesciencecanindependentlyverifyitbut

becauseagreatmanypeoplehavebeenconvincedofitsreality;here,too,

allwehavetogoonisthephenomenology.Griffithswassuggestingthat

insofarasIwasonboardforone“miracle”wellbeyondthereachof

materialistscience—“themarvelofconsciousness,”asVladimirNabokov

oncecalledit,“thatsuddenwindowswingingopenonasunlitlandscape

amidstthenightofnon-being”—maybeIneededtokeepamoreopen

mindtothepossibilityofothers.

•••

INDECEMBER2016,afront-pagestoryintheNewYorkTimesreportedon

thedramaticresultsoftheJohnsHopkinsandNYUpsilocybincancer

studies,whichwerepublishedtogetherinaspecialissueoftheJournalof

Psychopharmacology,alongwithnearlyadozencommentariesfrom

prominentvoicesinthementalhealthestablishment—includingtwopast

presidentsoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation—hailingthefindings.

InboththeNYUandtheHopkinstrials,some80percentofcancer

patientsshowedclinicallysignificantreductionsinstandardmeasuresof

anxietyanddepression,aneffectthatenduredforatleastsixmonths

aftertheirpsilocybinsession.Inbothtrials,theintensityofthemystical

experiencevolunteersreportedcloselycorrelatedwiththedegreeto

whichtheirsymptomssubsided.Fewifanypsychiatricinterventionsof

anykindhavedemonstratedsuchdramaticandsustainedresults.*

Thetrialsweresmall—eightysubjectsinall—andwillhavetobe

repeatedonalargerscalebeforethegovernmentwillconsider

reschedulingpsilocybinandapprovingthetreatment.*Buttheresults

wereencouragingenoughtowintheattentionandcautioussupportof

thementalhealthcommunity,whichhascalledformoreresearch.

Dozensofmedicalschoolshaveaskedtoparticipateinfuturetrials,and

fundershavesteppedforwardtounderwritethosetrials.Afterdecadesin

theshadows,psychedelictherapyissuddenlyrespectableagain,ornearly

so.NewYorkUniversity,whichproudlypromotedtheresultsofatrialit

hadonceonlytoleratedsomewhatgrudgingly,invitedStephenRossto

movehistreatmentroomfromthedentalcollegeintothemainhospital.

EventheNYUcancercenter,whichhadinitiallybeenreluctanttorefer

patientstothepsilocybintrial,askedRosstosetupatreatmentroomon

itspremisesforanupcomingtrial.

Thepapersofferedlittleinthewayofatheorytoexplaintheeffectsof

psilocybin,excepttopointoutthatthepatientswiththebestoutcomes

weretheoneswhohadthemostcompletemysticalexperience.But

exactlywhyshouldthatexperiencetranslateintorelieffromanxietyand

depression?Isittheintimationofsomekindofimmortalitythataccounts

fortheeffect?Thisseemstoosimpleandfailstoaccountforthevarietyof

experiencespeoplehad,manyofwhichdidnotdwellonanafterlife.And

someoftheonesthatdidconceivedofwhathappensafterdeathin

naturalisticterms,aswhentheanonymousvolunteerimaginedherselfas

“partoftheearth,”moleculesofmatterbeingtakenupbytherootsof

trees.Thisreallyhappens.

Ofcoursethemysticalexperienceconsistsofseveralcomponents,

mostofwhichdon’trequireasupernaturalexplanation.Thedissolution

ofthesenseofself,forexample,canbeunderstoodineither

psychologicalorneurobiologicalterms(aspossiblythedisintegrationof

thedefaultmodenetwork)andmayexplainmanyofthebenefitspeople

experiencedduringtheirjourneyswithoutresorttoanyspiritual

conceptionof“oneness.”Likewise,thesenseof“sacredness”that

classicallyaccompaniesthemysticalexperiencecanbeunderstoodin

moreseculartermsassimplyaheightenedsenseofmeaningorpurpose.

It’sstillearlydaysinourunderstandingofconsciousness,andnosingle

oneofourvocabulariesforapproachingthesubject—thebiological,the

psychological,thephilosophical,orthespiritual—hasyetearnedtheright

toclaimithasthefinalword.Itmaybethatbylayeringthesedifferent

perspectivesoneupontheother,wecangaintherichestpictureofwhat

mightbegoingon.

Inafollow-upstudytotheNYUtrial,“PatientExperiencesof

Psilocybin-AssistedPsychotherapy,”publishedintheJournalof

HumanisticPsychologyin2017,AlexanderBelser,amemberoftheNYU

team,interviewedvolunteerstobetterunderstandthepsychological

mechanismsunderlyingthetransformationstheyexperienced.Ireadthe

studyasasubtleattempttomovebeyondthemysticalexperience

paradigmtoamorehumanisticoneandatthesametimetounderscore

theimportanceofthepsychotherapistinthepsychedelicexperience.

(Notetheuseoftheterm“psilocybin-assistedpsychotherapy”inthetitle;

neitherofthepapersinPsychopharmacologymentionedpsychotherapy

initstitle,onlythedrug.)

Afewkeythemesemerged.Allofthepatientsintervieweddescribed

powerfulfeelingsofconnectiontolovedones(“relationalembeddedness”

isthetermtheauthorsused)and,moregenerally,ashift“fromfeelingsof

separatenesstointerconnectedness.”Inmostcases,thisshiftwas

accompaniedbyarepertoireofpowerfulemotions,including“exalted

feelingsofjoy,bliss,andlove.”Difficultpassagesduringthejourneywere

typicallyfollowedbypositivefeelingsofsurrenderandacceptance(even

oftheircancers)aspeople’sfearsfellaway.

JeffreyGuss,acoauthoronthepaperandapsychiatrist,interprets

whathappensduringthesessionintermsofthepsilocybin’s“egolytic”

effects—thedrug’sabilitytoeithersilenceoratleastmufflethevoiceof

theego.Inhisview,whichisinformedbyhispsychoanalytictraining,the

egoisamentalconstructthatperformscertainfunctionsonbehalfofthe

self.Chiefamongthesearemaintainingtheboundarybetweenthe

consciousandtheunconsciousrealmsofthemindandtheboundary

betweenselfandother,orsubjectandobject.Itisonlywhenthese

boundariesfadeordisappear,astheyseemtodoundertheinfluenceof

psychedelics,thatwecan“letgoofrigidpatternsofthought,allowingus

toperceivenewmeaningswithlessfear.”

ThewholequestionofmeaningiscentraltotheapproachoftheNYU

therapists,*andisperhapsespeciallyhelpfulinunderstandingthe

experienceofthecancerpatientsonpsilocybin.Formanyofthese

patients,adiagnosisofterminalcancerconstitutes,amongotherthings,a

crisisofmeaning.Whyme?WhyhaveIbeensingledoutforthisfate?Is

thereanysensetolifeandtheuniverse?Undertheweightofthis

existentialcrisis,one’shorizonshrinks,one’semotionalrepertoire

contracts,andone’sfocusnarrowsasthemindturnsinonitself,shutting

outtheworld.Loopsofruminationandworrycometooccupymoreof

one’smentaltimeandspace,reinforcinghabitsofthoughtitbecomes

evermoredifficulttoescape.

Existentialdistressattheendoflifebearsmanyofthehallmarksofa

hyperactivedefaultnetwork,includingobsessiveself-reflectionandan

inabilitytojumpthedeepeninggroovesofnegativethinking.Theego,

facedwiththeprospectofitsownextinction,turnsinwardandbecomes

hypervigilant,withdrawingitsinvestmentintheworldandotherpeople.

ThecancerpatientsIinterviewedspokeoffeelingclosedofffromloved

ones,fromtheworld,andfromthefullrangeofemotions;theyfelt,as

oneputit,“existentiallyalone.”

Bytemporarilydisablingtheego,psilocybinseemstoopenanewfield

ofpsychologicalpossibility,symbolizedbythedeathandrebirthreported

bymanyofthepatientsIinterviewed.Atfirst,thefallingawayoftheself

feelsthreatening,butifonecanletgoandsurrender,powerfuland

usuallypositiveemotionsflowin—alongwithformerlyinaccessible

memoriesandsenseimpressionsandmeanings.Nolongerdefendedby

theego,thegatebetweenselfandother—Huxley’sreducingvalve—is

thrownwideopen.Andwhatcomesthroughthatopeningformany

people,inagreatflood,islove.Loveforspecificindividuals,yes,butalso,

asPatrickMettescametofeel(toknow!),loveforeveryoneand

everything—loveasthemeaningandpurposeoflife,thekeytothe

universe,andtheultimatetruth.

Soitmaybethatthelossofselfleadstoagaininmeaning.Canthisbe

explainedbiologically?Probablynotyet,butrecentneuroscienceoffersa

fewintriguingclues.RecallthattheImperialCollegeteamfoundthat

whenthedefaultmodenetworkdisintegrates(takingwithitthesenseof

self),thebrain’soverallconnectivityincreases,allowingbrainregions

thatdon’tordinarilycommunicatetoformnewlinesofconnection.Isit

possiblethatsomeofthesenewconnectionsinthebrainmanifestinthe

mindasnewmeaningsorperspectives?Theconnectingofformerlyfar-

flungdots?

Itmayalsobethatpsychedelicscandirectlyimbueotherwise

irrelevantsensoryinformationwithmeaning.ArecentpaperinCurrent

Biology*describedanexperimentinwhichpiecesofmusicthatheldno

personalrelevanceforvolunteerswereplayedforthemwhileonLSD.

Undertheinfluenceofthepsychedelic,however,volunteersattributed

markedandlastingpersonalmeaningtothesamesongs.Thesemedicines

mayhelpusconstructmeaning,ifnotdiscoverit.

Nodoubtthesuggestibilityofthemindonpsychedelicsandthe

guidingpresenceofpsychotherapistsalsoplayaroleinattributing

meaningtotheexperience.Inpreparingvolunteersfortheirjourneys,

JeffreyGussspeaksexplicitlyabouttheacquisitionofmeaning,tellinghis

patients“thatthemedicinewillshowyouhiddenorunknownshadow

partsofyourself;thatyouwillgaininsightintoyourself,andcometo

learnaboutthemeaningoflifeandexistence.”(Healsotellsthemthey

mayhaveamysticalortranscendentexperiencebutcarefullyrefrains

fromdefiningit.)“Asaresultofthismoleculebeinginyourbody,you’ll

understandmoreaboutyourselfandlifeandtheuniverse.”Andmore

oftenthannotthishappens.Replacethescience-yword“molecule”with

“sacredmushroom”or“plantteacher,”andyouhavetheincantationsofa

shamanatthestartofaceremonialhealing.

Buthoweveritworks,andwhatevervocabularyweusetoexplainit,

thisseemstomethegreatgiftofthepsychedelicjourney,especiallytothe

dying:itspowertoimbueeverythinginourfieldofexperiencewitha

heightenedsenseofpurposeandconsequence.Dependingonone’s

orientation,thiscanbeunderstoodeitherinhumanisticorinspiritual

terms—forwhatistheSacredbutacapitalizedversionofsignificance?

EvenforatheistslikeDinahBazer—likeme!—psychedelicscanchargea

worldfromwhichthegodslongagodepartedwiththepulseofmeaning,

theimmanencewithwhichtheyonceinfusedit.Thesenseofacoldand

arbitraryuniversegovernedpurelybychanceisbanished.Especiallyin

theabsenceoffaith,thesemedicines,intherighthands,mayoffer

powerfulantidotesfortheexistentialterrorsthatafflictnotonlythe

dying.

Tobelievethatlifehasanymeaningatallisofcoursealarge

presumption,requiringinsomealeapoffaith,butsurelyitisahelpful

one,andnevermoresothanattheapproachofdeath.Tosituatetheself

inalargercontextofmeaning,whateveritis—asenseofonenesswith

natureoruniversallove—canmakeextinctionoftheselfsomewhateasier

tocontemplate.Religionhasalwaysunderstoodthiswager,butwhy

shouldreligionenjoyamonopoly?BertrandRussellwrotethatthebest

waytoovercomeone’sfearofdeath“istomakeyourinterestsgradually

widerandmoreimpersonal,untilbitbybitthewallsoftheegorecede,

andyourlifebecomesincreasinglymergedintheuniversallife.”Hegoes

on:

Anindividualhumanexistenceshouldbelikeariver:smallat

first,narrowlycontainedwithinitsbanks,andrushing

passionatelypastrocksandoverwaterfalls.Gradually,the

rivergrowswider,thebanksrecede,thewatersflowmore

quietly,andintheend,withoutanyvisiblebreak,they

becomemergedinthesea,andpainlesslylosetheir

individualbeing.

•••

PATRICKMETTESlivedseventeenmonthsafterhispsilocybinsession,and

accordingtoLisathosemonthswerefilledwithagreatmanyunexpected

satisfactions,alongsidePatrick’sdawningacceptancethathewasgoingto

die.

LisahadinitiallybeenwaryoftheNYUtrial,interpretingPatrick’s

desiretoparticipateasasignhe’dgivenupthefight.Intheevent,he

cameawayconvincedhestillhadmuchtodointhislife—muchloveto

giveandreceive—andwasn’tyetreadytoleaveitand,especially,hiswife.

Patrick’spsychedelicjourneyhadshiftedhisperspective,fromanarrow

lenstrainedontheprospectofdyingtoarenewedfocusonhowbestto

livethetimelefttohim.“Hehadanewresolve.Thattherewasapointto

hislife,thathegotit,andwasmovingwithit.

“Westillhadourarguments,”Lisarecalled,“andwehadaverytrying

summer”astheyenduredacalamitousapartmentrenovationin

Brooklyn.“Thatwashellonearth,”Lisarecalled,butPatrick“had

changed.Hehadasenseofpatiencehehadneverhadbefore,andwith

mehehadrealjoyaboutthings.Itwasasifhehadbeenrelievedofthe

dutyofcaringaboutthedetailsoflife,andhecouldletallthatgo.Nowit

wasaboutbeingwithpeople,enjoyinghissandwichandthewalkonthe

promenade.Itwasasifwelivedalifetimeinayear.”

Afterthepsilocybinsession,Lisasomehowconvincedherselfthat

Patrickwasnotgoingtodieafterall.Hecontinuedwithhischemoand

hisspiritsimproved,butshenowthinksallthistime“heknewverywell

hewasn’tgoingtomakeit.”Lisacontinuedtowork,andPatrickspenthis

gooddayswalkingthecity.“Hewouldwalkeverywhere,tryevery

restaurantforlunch,andtellmeaboutallthegreatplaceshediscovered.

Buthisgooddaysgotfewerandfewer.”Then,inMarch2012,hetoldher

hewantedtostopchemo.

“Hedidn’twanttodie,”Lisasays,“butIthinkhejustdecidedthatthis

isnothowhewantedtolive.”

Thatfallhislungsbegantofail,andPatrickwoundupinthehospital.

“Hegatheredeveryonetogetherandsaidgood-byeandexplainedthat

thisishowhewantedtodie.Hehadaveryconsciousdeath.”Patrick’s

seemingequanimityinthefaceofdeathexertedapowerfulinfluenceon

everyonearoundhim,Lisasaid,andhisroominthepalliativecareunitat

MountSinaibecameacenterofgravityinthehospital.“Everyone,the

nursesandthedoctors,wantedtohangoutinourroom;theyjustdidn’t

wanttoleave.Patrickwouldtalkandtalk.Itwaslikehewasayogi.He

putoutsomuchlove.”WhenTonyBossisvisitedPatrickaweekbeforehe

died,hewasstruckbythemoodintheroomandbyPatrick’sserenity.

“Hewasconsolingme.Hesaidhisbiggestsadnesswasleavinghis

wife.Buthewasnotafraid.”

Lisae-mailedmeaphotographofPatrickshehadtakenafewdays

beforehedied,andwhentheimagepoppedopenonmyscreen,it

momentarilytookmybreathaway.Herewasanemaciatedmanina

hospitalgown,anoxygenclipinhisnose,butwithbright,shiningblue

eyesandabroadsmile.Ontheeveofdeath,themanwasbeaming.

LisastayedwithPatrickinhishospitalroomnightafternight,thetwo

ofthemoftentalkingintotheweehours.“IfeellikeIhaveonefootinthis

worldandoneinthenext,”hetoldheratonepoint.“Oneofthelast

nightsweweretogether,hesaid,‘Honey,don’tpushme.I’mfindingmy

way.’”Atthesametime,hesoughttocomforther.“Thisissimplythe

wheeloflife,”sherecallshimsaying.“‘Youfeellikeyou’rebeingground

downbyitnow,butthewheelisgoingtoturnandyou’llbeontop

again.’”

Lisahadn’thadashowerindays,andherbrotherfinallypersuaded

hertogohomeforafewhours.Minutesbeforeshereturnedtohis

bedside,Patrickslippedaway.“Iwenthometoshowerandhedied.”We

werespeakingonthephone,andIcouldhearhercryingsoftly.“He

wasn’tgoingtodieaslongasIwasthere.Mybrotherhadtoldme,‘You

needtolethimgo.’”

Patrickwasgonebythetimeshegotbacktothehospital.“Hehaddied

secondsbefore.Itwaslikesomethinghadevaporatedfromhim.Isatwith

himforthreehours.It’salongtimebeforethesoulisoutoftheroom.”

“Itwasagooddeath,”Lisatoldme,afactshecreditstothepeopleat

NYUandtoPatrick’spsilocybinjourney.“Ifeelindebtedtothemforwhat

theyallowedhimtoexperience—thedeepresourcestheyallowedhimto

tapinto.Thesewerehisowndeepresources.That,Ithink,iswhatthese

mind-alteringdrugsdo.”

“PatrickwasfarmorespiritualthanIwastobeginwith,”Lisatoldme

thelasttimewespoke.Itwasclearhisjourneyhadchangedhertoo.“It

wasanaffirmationofaworldIknewnothingabout.Buttherearemore

dimensionstothisworldthanIeverknewexisted.”

Two:Addiction

ThedozenorsoApolloastronautswhohaveescapedEarth’sorbitand

traveledtothemoonhadtheprivilegeofseeingtheplanetfroma

perspectiveneverbeforeavailabletoourspecies,andseveralofthem

reportedthattheexperiencechangedtheminprofoundandenduring

ways.Thesightofthat“palebluedot”hangingintheinfiniteblackvoidof

spaceerasedthenationalbordersonourmapsandrenderedEarthsmall,

vulnerable,exceptional,andprecious.

EdgarMitchell,returningfromthemoononApollo14,hadwhathe

hasdescribedasamysticalexperience,specificallyasavikalpasamadhi,

inwhichtheegovanisheswhenconfrontedwiththeimmensityofthe

universeduringthecourseofameditationonanobject—inthiscase,

planetEarth.

“Thebiggestjoywasonthewayhome,”herecalled.“Inmycockpit

window,everytwominutes:theearth,themoon,thesun,andthewhole

panoramaoftheheavens.Thatwasapowerful,overwhelming

experience.

“AndsuddenlyIrealizedthatthemoleculesofmybody,andthe

moleculesofmyspacecraft,themoleculesinthebodyofmypartners,

wereprototyped,manufacturedinsomeancientgenerationofstars.[I

felt]anoverwhelmingsenseofoneness,ofconnectedness...Itwasn’t

‘ThemandUs,’itwas‘That’sme!That’sallofit,it’sonething.’Anditwas

accompaniedbyanecstasy,asenseof‘OhmyGod,wow,yes’—aninsight,

anepiphany.”*

Itwasthepowerofthisnovelperspective—thesameperspectivethat

StewartBrand,afterhis1966LSDtriponaNorthBeachrooftop,worked

sohardtodisseminatetotheculture—thathelpedtoinspirethemodern

environmentalmovementaswellastheGaiahypothesis,theideathat

Earthanditsatmospheretogetherconstituteasinglelivingorganism.

Ithoughtaboutthisso-calledovervieweffectduringmyconversations

withvolunteersinthepsilocybintrials,andespeciallywiththosewhohad

overcometheiraddictionsafterapsychedelicjourney—toinnerspace,if

youwill.Severalvolunteersdescribedachievinganewdistanceontheir

ownlives,avantagefromwhichmattersthathadonceseemeddaunting

nowseemedsmallerandmoremanageable,includingtheiraddictions.It

soundedasthoughthepsychedelicexperiencehadgivenmanyoftheman

overvieweffectonthescenesoftheirownlives,makingpossibleashiftin

worldviewandprioritiesthatallowedthemtoletgoofoldhabits,

sometimeswithremarkableease.Asonelifetimesmokerputittomein

termssosimpleIfoundithardtobelieve,“Smokingbecameirrelevant,

soIstopped.”

Thesmokingcessationpilotstudyinwhichthismantookpart—his

nameisCharlesBessant,andhehasbeenabstinentnowforsixyears—

wasdirectedbyMatthewJohnson,aprotégéofRolandGriffiths’sat

JohnsHopkins,wherethestudytookplace.Johnsonisapsychologistin

hisearlyfortieswho,likeGriffiths,trainedasabehaviorist,studying

thingslike“operantconditioning”inrats.Tall,slender,andangular,

Johnsonwearsascrupulouslytrimmedblackbeardandoversizedretro-

nerdblackglassesthatmakehimlookalittlelikeIraGlass.Hisinterest

inpsychedelicsgoesbacktohiscollegedays,whenhereadRamDassand

learnedabouttheHarvardPsilocybinProject,butneverdidhedareto

imaginehewouldsomedayhaveajobworkingwiththeminalaboratory.

“IhaditinthebackofmymindthatsomedayIwantedtodoresearch

withthepsychedeliccompounds,”hetoldmewhenwefirstmetinhis

Hopkinsoffice,“butIfiguredthatwasalongwayoffinthefuture.”Yet

soonafterJohnsonarrivedatJohnsHopkinstodoapharmacology

postdocin2004,“IfoundoutthatRolandhadthissuperhush-hush

projectwithpsilocybin.Everythinglinedupperfectly.”

Johnsonworkedonthelab’searlypsilocybinstudies,servingasa

guideforseveraldozensessionsandhelpingtocrunchthedata,before

launchingastudyofhisownin2009.Thesmokingstudygavefifteen

volunteersmokerswhoweretryingtoquitseveralsessionsofcognitive

behavioraltherapyfollowedbytwoorthreedosesofpsilocybin.Aso-

calledopen-labelstudy,therewasnoplacebo,sotheyallknewtheywere

gettingthedrug.Volunteershadtostopsmokingbeforetheirpsilocybin

session;theyhadtheircarbon-monoxidelevelsmeasuredatseveral

intervalstoensurecomplianceandconfirmtheyremainedabstinent.

Thestudywastinyandnotrandomized,buttheresultswere

neverthelessstriking,especiallywhenyouconsiderthatsmokingisoneof

themostdifficultaddictionstobreak—harder,somesay,thanheroin.Six

monthsaftertheirpsychedelicsessions,80percentofthevolunteers

wereconfirmedasabstinent;attheone-yearmark,thatfigurehadfallen

to67percent,whichisstillabetterrateofsuccessthanthebest

treatmentnowavailable.(Amuchlargerrandomizedstudy,comparing

theeffectivenessofpsilocybintherapywiththenicotinepatch,is

currentlyunderway.)Asinthecancer-anxietystudies,thevolunteers

whohadthemostcompletemysticalexperienceshadthebestoutcomes;

theywere,likeCharlesBessant,abletoquitsmoking.

Afterinterviewingcancerpatientsconfrontedwiththeprospectof

death,peoplewhohadhadepicjourneysinwhichtheyconfrontedtheir

cancersandtraveledtotheunderworld,Iwonderedhowtheexperience

wouldcomparewhenthestakeswerelower:Whatkindsofjourneys

wouldordinarypeoplesimplyhopingtobreakabadhabithave,andwhat

kindsofinsightswouldtheyreturnwith?

Surprisinglybanal,itturnsout.Notthattheirjourneyswerebanal—

psilocybintransportedthemallovertheworldandthroughhistoryandto

outerspace—buttheinsightstheybroughtbackwiththemweremundane

intheextreme.AliceO’Donnell,asixtyishbookeditorborninIreland,

reveled“inthefreedomtogoeverywhere”inthecourseofherjourney.

Shegrewfeathersthatallowedhertotravelbackintimetovariousscenes

ofEuropeanhistory,diedthreetimes,watchedher“soulmovefromher

bodytoafuneralpyrefloatingontheGanges,”andfoundherself

“standingontheedgeoftheuniverse,witnessingthedawnofcreation.”

Shehadthe“humbling”realizationthat“everythingintheuniverseisof

equalimportance,includingyourself.

“Insteadofbeingsonarrowlyfocused,movingthroughthislittle

tunnelofadultlife,”shefoundthatthejourney“returnedmetothe

child’swidersenseofwonder—totheworldofWordsworth.Apartofmy

brainthathadgonetosleepwasawakened.

“Theuniversewassogreatandthereweresomanythingsyoucould

doandseeinitthatkillingyourselfseemedlikeadumbidea.Itput

smokinginawholenewcontext.Smokingseemedveryunimportant;it

seemedkindofstupid,tobehonest.”

Aliceimaginedherselfthrowingoutlotsofjunkfromherhouse,

emptyingtheatticandthebasement:“Ihadanimageoftossing

everythingovertheledge,allthestuffIdidn’tneedanymore.It’samazing

howyoucanwhittlethingsdowntothefewreallyimportantthingsthat

arenecessaryforsurvival.Andthemostimportantthingofallisthe

breath.Whenthatstops,you’redead.”Sheemergedfromherjourney

withtheconviction“thatyoushouldcherishyourbreath.”Shehasnot

hadacigarettesinceherpsilocybinjourney.Whenevershefeelsa

craving,shegoesbackinmemorytohersession“andthinksofallthe

wonderfulthingsIexperienced,andhowitfelttobeonthatmuchhigher

plane.”

CharlesBessanthadhisepiphanywhileonasimilarly“higherplane.”

Bessant,amuseumexhibitdesignerinhissixties,foundhimselfstanding

onamountaintopintheAlps,“theGermanstatesstretchingoutbefore

meallthewaytotheBaltic.”(Wagnerwasplayinginhisheadphones.)

“Myegohaddissolved,yetI’mtellingyouthis.Itwasterrifying.”He

soundedlikeanineteenth-centuryRomanticdescribinganencounter

withthesublime,atonceterribleandaweinspiring.

“Peopleusewordslike‘oneness,’‘connectivity,’‘unity’—Igetit!Iwas

partofsomethingsomuchlargerthananythingIhadeverimagined.”We

werespeakingbyphoneonaSaturdaymorning,andatonepointBessant

pausedinhisaccounttodescribethescenebeforehim.

“Rightnow,I’mstandinghereinmygarden,andthelightiscoming

throughthecanopyofleaves.Formetobeabletostandhereinthe

beautyofthislight,talkingtoyou,it’sonlybecausemyeyesareopento

seeit.Ifyoudon’tstoptolook,you’llneverseeit.It’sthestatementofan

obviousthing,Iknow,buttofeelit,tolookandbeamazedbythislight”

isagiftheattributestohissession,whichgavehim“afeelingof

connectednesstoeverything.”

Bessantfolloweduponourconversationbye-mailwithaseriesof

clarificationsandelaborations,strivingtofindthewordsequaltothe

immensityoftheexperience.Itwasinthefaceofthisimmensitythat

smokingsuddenlyseemedpitifullysmall.“Whyquitsmoking?BecauseI

founditirrelevant.Becauseotherthingshadbecomesomuchmore

important.”

Somevolunteersmarveledthemselvesatthesimultaneouspowerand

banalityoftheirinsights.SavannahMillerisasinglemominherthirties

whoworksasabookkeeperforherfather’scompanyinMaryland.

Possiblybecauseshespenthertwentiestangledinanabusive

relationshipwithamanshedescribesas“apsychopath,”hertripwas

painfulbutultimatelycathartic;sherememberscryinguncontrollably

andproducingtremendousamountsofsnot(somethingherguides

confirmedreallyhappened).Savannahgavelittlethoughttoherhabit

duringthejourney,excepttowardtheendwhenshepicturedherselfasa

smokinggargoyle.

“Youknowhowgargoyleslook,croucheddownwiththeirshoulders

hunched?That’showIfeltandsawmyself,alittlegolemcreature

smoking,pullinginthesmokeandnotlettingitout,untilmychesthurts

andI’mchoking.Itwaspowerfulanddisgusting.Icanstillseeitnow,

thathideouscoughinggargoyle,wheneverIpicturemyselfasasmoker.”

Monthslater,shesaystheimageisstillhelpfulwhentheinevitable

cravingsarise.

Inthemiddleofhersession,Savannahsuddenlysatupand

announcedshehaddiscoveredsomethingimportant,an“epiphany”that

herguidesneededtowritedownsoitwouldn’tbelosttoposterity:“Eat

right.Exercise.Stretch.”

MattJohnsonreferstotheserealizationsas“duhmoments”andsays

theyarecommonamonghisvolunteersandnotatallinsignificant.

Smokersknowperfectlywellthattheirhabitisunhealthy,disgusting,

expensive,andunnecessary,butundertheinfluenceofpsilocybinthat

knowingacquiresanewweight,becomes“somethingtheyfeelinthegut

andtheheart.Insightslikethisbecomemorecompelling,stickier,and

hardertoavoidthinkingabout.Thesesessionsdeprivepeopleofthe

luxuryofmindlessness”—ourdefaultstate,andoneinwhichaddictions

likesmokingcanflourish.

Johnsonbelievesthevalueofpsilocybinfortheaddictisinthenew

perspective—atonceobviousandprofound—thatitopensontoone’slife

anditshabits.“Addictionisastorywegetstuckin,astorythatgets

reinforcedeverytimewetryandfailtoquit:‘I’masmokerandI’m

powerlesstostop.’Thejourneyallowsthemtogetsomedistanceandsee

thebiggerpictureandtoseetheshort-termpleasuresofsmokinginthe

larger,longer-termcontextoftheirlives.”

Ofcourse,thisre-contextualizationofanoldhabitdoesn’tjust

happen;countlesspeoplehavetakenpsilocybinandcontinuedtosmoke.

Ifitdoeshappen,it’sbecausebreakingthehabitistheavowedintention

ofthesession,stronglyreinforcedbythetherapistinthepreparatory

meetingsandtheintegrationafterward.The“set”ofthepsychedelic

journeyiscarefullyorchestratedbythetherapistinmuchthesamewaya

shamanwouldusehisauthorityandstagecrafttomaximizethe

medicine’sdeeppowersofsuggestion.Thisiswhyitisimportantto

understandthat“psychedelictherapy”isnotsimplytreatmentwitha

psychedelicdrugbutratheraformof“psychedelic-assistedtherapy,”as

manyoftheresearcherstakepainstoemphasize.

Yetwhataccountsfortheunusualauthorityoftheratherordinary

insightsvolunteersbroughtbackfromtheirjourneys?“Youdon’tgetthat

onanyotherdrug,”RolandGriffithspointsout.Indeed,aftermostdrug

experiences,we’refullyawareof,andoftenembarrassedby,the

inauthenticityofwhatwethoughtandfeltwhileundertheinfluence.

ThoughneitherGriffithsnorJohnsonmentionedit,theconnection

betweenseeingandbelievingmightexplainthissenseofauthenticity.

Veryoftenonpsychedelicsourthoughtsbecomevisible.Thesearenot

hallucinations,exactly,becausethesubjectisoftenfullyawarethatwhat

sheisseeingisnotreallybeforeher,yetthesethoughtsmadevisibleare

neverthelessremarkablyconcrete,vivid,andthereforememorable.

Thisisacuriousphenomenon,asyetunexplainedbyneuroscience,

thoughsomeinterestinghypotheseshaverecentlybeenproposed.When

neuroscientistswhostudyvisionusefMRIstoimagebrainactivity,they

findthatthesameregionsinthevisualcortexlightupwhetheroneis

seeinganobjectlive—“online”—ormerelyrecallingorimaginingit,off-

line.Thissuggeststhattheabilitytovisualizeourthoughtsshouldbethe

ruleratherthantheexception.Someneuroscientistssuspectthatduring

normalwakinghourssomethinginthebraininhibitsthevisualcortex

frompresentingtoconsciousnessavisualimageofwhateveritiswe’re

thinkingabout.It’snothardtoseewhysuchaninhibitionmightbe

adaptive:clutteringthemindwithvividimageswouldcomplicate

reasoningandabstractthought,nottomentioneverydayactivitieslike

walkingordrivingacar.Butwhenweareabletovisualizeourthoughts—

suchasthethoughtofourselvesasasmokerlookinglikeacoughing

gargoyle—thosethoughtstakeonaddedweight,feelmorerealtous.

Seeingisbelieving.

Perhapsthisisoneofthethingspsychedelicsdo:relaxthebrain’s

inhibitiononvisualizingourthoughts,therebyrenderingthemmore

authoritative,memorable,andsticky.Theovervieweffectreportedbythe

astronautsdidn’taddanythingtoourintellectualunderstandingofthis

“palebluedot”inthevastseaofspace,butseeingitmadeitrealinaway

ithadneverbeenbefore.Perhapstheequallyvividovervieweffectonthe

scenesoftheirlivesthatpsychedelicsaffordsomepeopleiswhatmakesit

possibleforthemtochangetheirbehavior.

MattJohnsonbelievesthatpsychedelicscanbeusedtochangeall

sortsofbehaviors,notjustaddiction.Thekey,inhisview,istheirpower

tooccasionasufficientlydramaticexperienceto“dope-slappeopleoutof

theirstory.It’sliterallyarebootofthesystem—abiologicalcontrol-alt-

delete.Psychedelicsopenawindowofmentalflexibilityinwhichpeople

canletgoofthementalmodelsweusetoorganizereality.”

Inhisview,themostimportantsuchmodelistheself,orego,whicha

high-dosepsychedelicexperiencetemporarilydissolves.Hespeaksof

“ouraddictiontoapatternofthinkingwiththeselfatthecenterofit.”

Thisunderlyingaddictiontoapatternofthinking,orcognitivestyle,links

theaddicttothedepressiveandtothecancerpatientobsessedwithdeath

orrecurrence.

“Somuchofhumansufferingstemsfromhavingthisselfthatneedsto

bepsychologicallydefendedatallcosts.We’retrappedinastorythatsees

ourselvesasindependent,isolatedagentsactingintheworld.Butthat

selfisanillusion.Itcanbeausefulillusion,whenyou’reswinging

throughthetreesorescapingfromacheetahortryingtodoyourtaxes.

Butatthesystemslevel,thereisnotruthtoit.Youcantakeanynumber

ofmoreaccurateperspectives:thatwe’reaswarmofgenes,vehiclesfor

passingonDNA;thatwe’resocialcreaturesthroughandthrough,unable

tosurvivealone;thatwe’reorganismsinanecosystem,linkedtogether

onthisplanetfloatinginthemiddleofnowhere.Whereveryoulook,you

seethatthelevelofinterconnectednessistrulyamazing,andyetweinsist

onthinkingofourselvesasindividualagents.”AlbertEinsteincalledthe

modernhuman’ssenseofseparateness“akindofopticaldelusionofhis

consciousness.”*

“Psychedelicsknockthelegsoutfromunderthatmodel.Thatcanbe

dangerousinthewrongcircumstances,leadingtobadtripsandworse.”

JohnsonbroughtupthecaseofCharlesManson,whoreportedlyused

LSDtobreakdownandbrainwashhisfollowers,atheoryofthecasehe

deemsplausible.“Butintherightsetting,whereyoursafetyisassured,it

maybeagoodinterventionfordealingwithsomeoftheproblemsofthe

self”—ofwhichaddictionisonlyone.Dying,depression,obsession,eating

disorders—allareexacerbatedbythetyrannyofanegoandthefixed

narrativesitconstructsaboutourrelationshiptotheworld.By

temporarilyoverturningthattyrannyandthrowingourmindsintoan

unusuallyplasticstate(RobinCarhart-Harriswouldcallitastateof

heightenedentropy),psychedelics,withthehelpofagoodtherapist,give

usanopportunitytoproposesomenew,moreconstructivestoriesabout

theselfanditsrelationshiptotheworld,storiesthatjustmightstick.

Thisisaverydifferentkindoftherapythanweareaccustomedtoin

theWest,becauseitisneitherpurelychemicalnorpurelypsychodynamic

—neithermindlessnorbrainless.WhetherWesternmedicineisreadyto

accommodatesucharadicallynovel—andancient—modelformental

transformationisanopenquestion.Intakingpeoplesafelythroughthe

liminalstatepsychedelicsoccasion,withitsradicalsuggestibility,

Johnsonacknowledgesthatthedoctorsandresearchers“playthesame

roleasshamansorelders.

“Whateverwe’redelvingintohere,it’sinthesamerealmasthe

placebo.Butaplaceboonrocketboosters.”

•••

THEWHOLEIDEAofusingapsychedelicdrugtotreataddictionisnotnew.

NativeAmericanshavelongusedpeyoteasbothasacramentanda

treatmentforalcoholism,ascourgeoftheindigenouscommunitysince

thearrivalofthewhiteman.SpeakingatameetingoftheAmerican

PsychiatricAssociationin1971,thepsychiatristKarlMenningersaidthat

“peyoteisnotharmfultothesepeople...Itisabetterantidotetoalcohol

thananythingthemissionaries,thewhiteman,theAmericanMedical

Association,andthepublichealthserviceshavecomeupwith.”*

ThousandsofalcoholicsweretreatedwithLSDandotherpsychedelics

inthe1950sand1960s,thoughuntilrecentlyit’sbeenhardtosay

anythingdefinitiveabouttheresults.Foratime,thetherapywasdeemed

effectiveenoughtobecomeastandardtreatmentforalcoholismin

Saskatchewan.Clinicalreportswereenthusiastic,yetmostoftheformal

studiesconductedwerepoorlydesignedandbadlycontrolled,ifatall.

Resultswerenotablyimpressivewhenthestudieswereperformedby

sympathetictherapists(andespeciallybytherapistswhothemselveshad

takenLSD)andnotablydismalwhenconductedbyinexperienced

investigatorswhogavemammothdosestopatientswithnoattentionto

setorsetting.

Therecordwasacompletemuddleuntil2012,whenameta-analysis

thatcombineddatafromthesixbestrandomizedcontrolledstudiesdone

inthe1960sand1970s(involvingmorethanfivehundredpatientsinall)

foundthatindeedtherehadbeenastatisticallyrobustandclinically

“significantbeneficialeffectonalcoholmisuse”fromasingledoseof

LSD,aneffectthatlasteduptosixmonths.“Giventheevidencefora

beneficialeffectofLSDonalcoholism,”theauthorsconcluded,“itis

puzzlingwhythistreatmenthasbeenlargelyoverlooked.”

Sincethen,psychedelictherapyforalcoholandotheraddictionshas

undergoneamodestandsofarencouragingrevival,bothinuniversity

studiesandinvariousundergroundsettings.*Ina2015pilotstudy

conductedattheUniversityofNewMexicotenalcoholicsreceived

psilocybin,combinedwith“motivationalenhancementtherapy,”atypeof

cognitivebehavioraltherapydesignedexpresslytotreataddiction.By

itself,thepsychotherapyhadlittleeffectondrinkingbehavior,butafter

thepsilocybinsessiondrinkingdecreasedsignificantly,andthesechanges

weresustainedduringthethirty-sixweeksoffollow-up.Michael

Bogenschutz,theleadinvestigator,reportedastrongcorrelationbetween

the“strengthoftheexperienceandtheeffect”ondrinkingbehavior.The

NewMexicoresultswereencouragingenoughtowarrantamuchlarger

phase2trial,involving180volunteers,whichBogenschutzisnow

conductingatNYUincollaborationwithStephenRossandJeffreyGuss.

“Alcoholismcanbeunderstoodasaspiritualdisorder,”Rosstoldme

thefirsttimewemet,inthetreatmentroomatNYU.“Overtimeyoulose

yourconnectiontoeverythingbutthiscompound.Lifelosesallmeaning.

Attheend,nothingismoreimportantthanthatbottle,notevenyourwife

andyourkids.Eventually,thereisnothingyouwon’tsacrificeforit.”

ItwasRosswhofirsttoldmethestoryofBillW.,thefounderofAA,

howhegotsoberafteramysticalexperienceonbelladonnaandinthe

1950ssoughttointroduceLSDintothefellowship.Touseadrugto

promotesobrietymightsoundcounterintuitive,evencrazy,yetitmakesa

certainsensewhenyouconsiderhowreliablypsychedelicscansponsor

spiritualbreakthroughsaswellastheconviction,centraltotheAA

philosophy,thatbeforeshecanhopetorecover,thealcoholicmustfirst

acknowledgeher“powerlessness.”AAtakesadimviewofthehumanego

and,likepsychedelictherapy,attemptstoshifttheaddict’sattentionfrom

theselftoa“higherpower”aswellastotheconsolationsoffellowship—

thesenseofinterconnectedness.

MichaelBogenschutzputmeintouchwithawomanI’llcallTerry

McDaniels,avolunteerinhisalcoholismpilotstudyinNewMexico—a

surprisingintroduction,Icametothink,becauseherswasn’tthekindof

unqualifiedsuccessstoryresearchersliketogivejournalists.Ispoketo

McDanielsbyphonefromhertrailerparkoutsideAlbuquerque,where

shelivesondisabilityafewtrailersdownfromherdaughter.Shehasn’t

beenabletoworksince1997,when“myex-husbandbeatmyheadinwith

acast-ironskillet.Sincethatoccurred,I’vehadarealproblemwithmy

memory.”

McDaniels,whowasbornin1954,hashadatoughlife,goingbackto

herchildhood,whenherparentsleftherforlongperiodsinthe

indifferentcareofoldersiblings.“EventothisdayIhaveahardtime

laughing.”Shetoldmeshespendsmanyofherdaysmiredinfeelingsof

regret,anger,envy,self-loathing,and,especially,adeepsenseofguilt

towardherchildren.“IfeelverybadIhaven’tgiventhemthelifeIcould

haveifIhadstayedawayfromdrink.IthinkaboutthatotherlifeImight

havehadallthetime.”

WhenIaskedMcDanielshowlongshehadbeensober,shesurprised

me:shewasn’t.She’dactuallybeenonabenderjustafewweeksearlier,

afterherdaughter“hurtmyfeelingsbyaskingformoneyIowedher.”But

thebingelastedonlyaday,andshehadonlyhadbeerandwinetodrink;

intheyearsbeforeherpsychedelicsession,shewouldbingeonhard

liquorfortwoweeksatatime,thedrinkinginterruptedonlywhenshe

blackedout.ForMcDaniels,aone-daybingenowandagainrepresents

progress.

McDanielsreadaboutthepsilocybintrialinthelocalalternative

weekly.Shehadneverbeforeusedapsychedelicbutfeltdesperateand

willingtotrysomethingnew.Shehadmademanyattemptstogetsober,

hadbeeninrehab,therapy,andAA,butalwaysfellbackonthebottle.

Sheworriedthatherheadinjurymightdisqualifyherfromthetrial,but

shewasacceptedandintheeventhadapowerfulspiritualexperience.

Thefirstpartofthetripwasunbearablydark:“IsawmychildrenandI

wasbawlingandbawling,forthelifetheyneverhad.”Buteventuallyit

turnedintosomethingaweinspiring.

“IsawJesusonthecross,”sherecalled.“Itwasjusthisheadand

shoulders,anditwaslikeIwasalittlekidinatinyhelicoptercircling

aroundhishead.Buthewasonthecross.Andhejustsortofgatheredme

upinhishands,youknow,thewayyouwouldcomfortasmallchild.Ifelt

suchagreatweightliftfrommyshoulders,feltverymuchatpeace.Itwas

abeautifulexperience.”

Theteachingoftheexperience,shefelt,wasself-acceptance.“Ispend

lesstimethinkingaboutpeoplewhohaveabetterlifethanme.Irealize

I’mnotabadperson;I’mapersonwho’shadalotofbadthingshappen.

Jesusmighthavebeentryingtotellmeitwasokay,thatthesethings

happen.Hewastryingtocomfortme.”Now,McDanielssays,“Ireadmy

BibleeverydayandkeepaconsciouscontactwithGod.”

Byherownlights,McDanielsisdoing,ifnotwellexactly,then

somewhatbetter.Theexperiencehashelpedherbegintorethinkthe

storyofherlifeshetellsherself:“Idon’ttakeeverythingsopersonally,

likeIusedto.Ihavemoreself-acceptance,andthatisagift,becausefora

lotofyears,Ididnotlikemyself.ButIamnotabadperson.”

Thatone’sperspectivecouldshiftinsuchawayintheabsenceofany

changeincircumstancestrikesmeasbothhopefulandpoignant.Iwas

remindedofanexperimentthatseveraloftheaddictionresearchersI

interviewedhadtoldmeabout—theso-calledratparkexperiment.It’s

wellknowninthefieldofdrugabuseresearchthatratsinacagegiven

accesstodrugsofvariouskindswillquicklyaddictthemselves,pressing

thelittleleversforthedrugonofferinpreferencetofood,oftentothe

pointofdeath.Muchlesswellknown,however,isthefactthatifthecage

is“enriched”withopportunitiesforplay,interactionwithotherrats,and

exposuretonature,thesameratswillutterlyignorethedrugsandso

neverbecomeaddicted.Theratparkexperimentslendsupporttothe

ideathatthepropensitytoaddictionmighthavelesstodowithgenesor

chemistrythanwithone’spersonalhistoryandenvironment.

Nowcomesaclassofchemicalsthatmayhavethepowertochange

howweexperienceourpersonalhistoryandenvironment,nomatterhow

impoverishedorpainfultheymaybe.“Doyouseetheworldasaprisonor

aplayground?”isthekeyquestionMattJohnsontakesawayfromtherat

parkexperiment.Ifaddictionrepresentsaradicalnarrowingofone’s

perspectiveandbehaviorandemotionalrepertoire,thepsychedelic

journeyhasthepotentialtoreversethatconstriction,openpeopleupto

thepossibilityofchangebydisruptingandenrichingtheirinterior

environment.

“Peoplecomeoutoftheseexperiencesseeingtheworldalittlemore

likeaplayground.”

•••

ONEGOODWORDtodescribetheexperiencesofboththeApolloastronauts

andthevolunteersontheirpsilocybinjourneysis“awe,”ahuman

emotionthatcanperhapshelpweavetogetherthedisparatestrandsof

psychologicalinterpretationproposedbythepsychedelicresearchers

withwhomIspoke.ItwasPeterHendricks,ayoungpsychologistatthe

UniversityofAlabamaconductingatrialusingpsilocybintotreatcocaine

addicts,whofirstsuggestedtomethattheexperienceofawemightoffer

thepsychologicalkeytoexplainthepowerofpsychedelicstoalterdeeply

rootedpatternsofbehavior.

“Peoplewhoareaddictedknowthey’reharmingthemselves—their

health,theircareers,theirsocialwell-being—buttheyoftenfailtoseethe

damagetheirbehaviorisdoingtoothers.”Addictionis,amongother

things,aradicalformofselfishness.Oneofthechallengesoftreatingthe

addictisgettinghimtobroadenhisperspectivebeyondaconsumingself-

interestinhisaddiction,thebehaviorthathascometodefinehisidentity

andorganizehisdays.Awe,Hendricksbelieves,hasthepowertodothis.

HendricksmentionedtheresearchofDacherKeltner,apsychologistat

Berkeleywhohappenstobeaclosefriend.“Keltnerbelievesthataweisa

fundamentalhumanemotion,onethatevolvedinusbecauseitpromotes

altruisticbehavior.Wearedescendantsofthosewhofoundthe

experienceofaweblissful,becauseit’sadvantageousforthespeciesto

haveanemotionthatmakesusfeelpartofsomethingmuchlargerthan

ourselves.”Thislargerentitycouldbethesocialcollective,natureasa

whole,oraspiritworld,butitissomethingsufficientlyoverpoweringto

dwarfusandournarrowself-interest.“Awepromotesasenseofthe

‘smallself’thatdirectsourattentionawayfromtheindividualtothe

groupandthegreatergood.”

Keltner’slabatBerkeleyhasdoneacleverseriesofexperiments

demonstratingthatafterpeoplehavehadevenarelativelymodest

experienceofawe,suchaslookingatsoaringtrees,they’remorelikelyto

cometotheassistanceofothers.(Inthisexperiment,conductedina

eucalyptusgroveontheBerkeleycampus,volunteersspentaminute

lookingeitheratthetreesoratthefaçadeofanearbybuilding.Thena

confederatewalkedtowardtheparticipantsandstumbled,scattering

pensontheground.Bystanderswhohadlookedatthetreesprovedmore

likelytocometoheraidthanthosewhohadlookedatthebuilding.)In

anotherexperiment,Keltner’slabfoundthatifyouaskpeopletodraw

themselvesbeforeandafterviewingawe-inspiringimagesofnature,the

after-aweself-portraitswilltakeupconsiderablylessspaceonthepage.

Anexperienceofaweappearstobeanexcellentantidoteforegotism.

“Wenowhaveapharmacologicalinterventionthatcanoccasiontruly

profoundexperiencesofawe,”Hendrickspointedout.Aweinapill.For

theself-obsessedaddict,“itcanbeblissfultofeelapartofsomething

largerandgreaterthanthemselves,tofeelreconnectedtootherpeople”—

totheweaveofsocialandfamilyrelationsthataddictionreliablyfrays.

“Veryoftentheycometorecognizetheharmthey’redoingnotonlyto

themselvesbuttolovedones.That’swherethemotivationtochange

oftencomesfrom—arenewedsenseofconnectionandresponsibility,as

wellasthepositivefeelingofbeingasmallselfinthepresenceof

somethinggreater.”

Theconceptofawe,Irealized,couldhelpconnectseveralofthedots

I’dbeencollectinginthecourseofmyjourneythroughthelandscapeof

psychedelictherapy.Whetheraweisacauseoraneffectofthemental

changespsychedelicssponsorisn’tentirelyclear.Buteitherway,awe

figuresinmuchofthephenomenologyofpsychedelicconsciousness,

includingthemysticalexperience,theovervieweffect,self-

transcendence,theenrichmentofourinnerenvironment,andeventhe

generationofnewmeanings.AsKeltnerhaswritten,theoverwhelming

forceandthemysteryofawearesuchthattheexperiencecan’treadilybe

interpretedaccordingtoouraccustomedframesofthought.Byrocking

thoseconceptualframeworks,awehasthepowertochangeourminds.

Three:Depression

Somethingunexpectedhappenedwhen,earlyin2017,RolandGriffiths

andStephenRossbroughttheresultsoftheirclinicaltrialstotheFDA,

hopingtowinapprovalforalarger,phase3trialofpsilocybinforcancer

patients.Impressedbytheirdata—andseeminglyundeterredbythe

uniquechallengesposedbypsychedelicresearch,suchastheproblemof

blinding,thecombiningoftherapyandmedicine,andthefactthatthe

druginquestionisstillillegal—theFDAstaffsurprisedtheresearchersby

askingthemtoexpandtheirfocusandambition:totestwhether

psilocybincouldbeusedtotreatthemuchlargerandmorepressing

problemofdepressioninthegeneralpopulation.Astheregulatorssawit,

thedatacontainedastrongenough“signal”thatpsilocybincouldrelieve

depression;itwouldbeashamenottotesttheproposition,giventhe

enormityoftheneedandthelimitationsofthetherapiesnowavailable.

RossandGriffithshadfocusedoncancerpatientsbecausetheythoughtit

wouldbeeasiertowinapprovaltostudyacontrolledsubstanceinpeople

whowerealreadyseriouslyillordying.Nowthegovernmentwastelling

themtoraisetheirsights.“Itwassurreal,”Rosstoldme,twice,ashe

recountedthemeeting,stillsomewhatstunnedattheresponseand

outcome.(TheFDAdeclinedtoconfirmordenythisaccountofthe

meeting,explainingthatitdoesn’tcommentondrugsindevelopmentor

underregulatoryreview.)

MuchthesamethinghappenedinEurope,when,in2016,researchers

approachedtheEuropeanMedicinesAgency(EMA)—theEuropean

Union’sdrug-regulatingbody—seekingapprovaltousepsilocybininthe

treatmentofanxietyanddepressioninpatientswithlife-changing

diagnoses.“Existentialdistress”isnotanofficialDSMdiagnosis,the

regulatorspointedout,sothenationalhealthserviceswon’tcoverit.But

there’sasignalherethatpsilocybincouldbeusefulintreating

depression,sowhydon’tyoudoabig,multisitetrialforthat?

TheEMAwasrespondingnotonlytotheHopkinsandNYUdatabut

alsotothesmall“feasibilitystudy”ofthepotentialofusingpsilocybinto

treatdepressionthatRobinCarhart-HarrishaddirectedinDavidNutt’s

labatImperialCollege.Inthestudy,theinitialresultsofwhichappeared

inLancetPsychiatryin2016,researchersgavepsilocybintosixmenand

sixwomensufferingfrom“treatment-resistantdepression”—meaning

theyhadalreadytriedatleasttwotreatmentswithoutsuccess.Therewas

nocontrolgroup,soeveryoneknewheorshewasgettingpsilocybin.

Afteraweek,allofthevolunteersshowedimprovementintheir

symptoms,andtwo-thirdsofthemweredepression-free,insomecases

forthefirsttimeinyears.Sevenofthetwelvevolunteersstillshowed

substantialbenefitafterthreemonths.Thestudywasexpandedto

includeatotaloftwentyvolunteers;aftersixmonths,sixremainedin

remission,whiletheothershadrelapsedtoonedegreeoranother,

suggestingthetreatmentmightneedtoberepeated.Thestudywas

modestinscaleandnotrandomized,butitdemonstratedthatpsilocybin

waswelltoleratedinthispopulation,withnoadverseevents,andmostof

thesubjectshadseenbenefitsthatweremarkedandrapid.*TheEMA

wassufficientlyimpressedwiththedatatosuggestamuchlargertrialfor

treatment-resistantdepression,whichafflictsmorethan800,000people

inEurope.(Thisisoutofatotalofsome40millionEuropeanswith

depressivedisorders,accordingtotheWorldHealthOrganization.)

RosalindWattswasayoungclinicalpsychologistworkingforthe

NationalHealthServicewhenshereadanarticleaboutpsychedelic

therapyintheNewYorker.*Theideathatyoumightactuallybeableto

curementalillnessratherthanjustmanageitssymptomsinspiredherto

writetoRobinCarhart-Harris,whohiredhertohelpoutwiththe

depressionstudy,thelab’sfirstforayintoclinicalresearch.Wattsguided

severalsessionsandthenconductedqualitativeinterviewswithallofthe

volunteerssixmonthsaftertheirtreatments,hopingtounderstand

exactlyhowthepsychedelicsessionhadaffectedthem.

Watts’sinterviewsuncoveredtwo“master”themes.Thefirstwasthat

thevolunteersdepictedtheirdepressionforemostasastateof

“disconnection,”whetherfromotherpeople,theirearlierselves,their

sensesandfeelings,theircorebeliefsandspiritualvalues,ornature.

Severalreferredtolivingin“amentalprison,”otherstobeing“stuck”in

endlesscirclesofruminationtheylikenedtomental“gridlock.”Iwas

remindedofCarhart-Harris’shypothesisthatdepressionmightbethe

resultofanoveractivedefaultmodenetwork—thesiteinthebrainwhere

ruminationappearstotakeplace.

TheImperialdepressivesalsofeltdisconnectedfromtheirsenses.“I

wouldlookatorchids,”onetoldWatts,“andintellectuallyunderstand

thattherewasbeauty,butnotexperienceit.”

Formostofthevolunteers,thepsilocybinexperiencehadsprungthem

fromtheirmentaljails,ifonlytemporarily.Onewomaninthestudytold

methatthemonthfollowinghersessionwasthefirsttimeshehadbeen

freefromdepressionsince1991.Othersdescribedsimilarexperiences:

“Itwaslikeaholidayawayfromtheprisonofmybrain.Ifeltfree,

carefree,reenergized.”

“Itwaslikethelightswitchbeingturnedoninadarkhouse.”

“You’renotimmersedinthoughtpatterns;theconcretecoathascome

off.”

“Itwaslikewhenyoudefragtheharddriveonyourcomputer...I

thought,‘Mybrainisbeingdefragged,howbrilliantisthat!’”

Formanyofthevolunteers,thesechangesintheexperienceoftheir

ownmindspersisted:

“Mymindworksdifferently.Iruminatemuchless,andmythoughts

feelordered,contextualized.”

Severalreportedreconnectingtotheirsenses:

“Aveildroppedfrommyeyes,thingsweresuddenlyclear,glowing,

bright.Ilookedatplantsandfelttheirbeauty.Icanstilllookatmy

orchidsandfeelthat:thatisonethingthathasreallylasted.”

Somereconnectedtothemselves:

“Ihadanexperienceoftendernesstowardmyself.”

“Atitsmostbasic,IfeellikeIusedtobeforethedepression.”

Othersreconnectedtootherpeople:

“Iwastalkingtostrangers.Ihadthesefulllongconversationswith

everybodyIcameintocontactwith.”

“Iwouldlookatpeopleonthestreetandthink,‘Howinterestingwe

are’—Ifeltconnectedtothemall.”

Andtonature:

“Before,Ienjoyednature;nowIfeelpartofit.BeforeIwaslookingat

itasathing,likeTVorpainting.You’repartofit,there’snoseparationor

distinction,youareit.”

“Iwaseverybody,unity,onelifewith6billionfaces.Iwastheone

askingforloveandgivinglove,Iwasswimminginthesea,andthesea

wasme.”

Thesecondmasterthemewasanewaccesstodifficultemotions,

emotionsthatdepressionoftenbluntsorclosesdowncompletely.Watts

hypothesizesthatthedepressedpatient’sincessantruminationconstricts

hisorheremotionalrepertoire.Inothercases,thedepressivekeeps

emotionsatbaybecauseitistoopainfultoexperiencethem.

Thisisespeciallytrueincasesofchildhoodtrauma.Wattsputmein

touchwithathirty-nine-year-oldmaninthestudy,amusicjournalist

namedIanRouiller,who,alongwithhisoldersister,hadbeenabusedby

hisfatherasachild.Asadults,thesiblingsbroughtchargesagainsttheir

fatherthatputhiminjailforseveralyears,butthishadn’trelievedthe

depressionthathastrailedIanformostofhislife.

“Icanrememberthemomentwhenthehorriblecloudfirstcameover

me.ItwasinthefamilyroomofapubcalledtheFightingCocksinSt.

Albans.Iwasten.”Antidepressantshelpedforawhile,but“puttingthe

plasteroverthewounddoesn’thealanything.”Onpsilocybin,hewasable

forthefirsttimetoconfronthislifelongpain—andhisfather.

“Normally,whenDadcomesupinmyhead,Ijustpushthethought

away.ButthistimeIwenttheotherway.”Hisguidehadtoldhimhe

should“goinandthrough”anyfrighteningmaterialthataroseduringhis

journey.

“SothistimeIlookedhimintheeye.Thatwasareallybigthingfor

me,toliterallyfacethedemon.Andtherehewas.Buthewasahorse!A

militaryhorsestandingonitshindlegs,dressedinamilitaryoutfitwitha

helmet,andholdingagun.Itwasterrifying,andIwantedtopushthe

imageaside,butIdidn’t.Inandthrough:Instead,Ilookedthehorsein

theeyes—andpromptlystartedtolaugh,itwassoridiculous.

“That’swhenwhathadbeenabadtripreallyturned.NowIhadevery

sortofemotion,positive,negative,itdidn’tmatter.Ithoughtaboutthe

[Syrian]refugeesinCalaisandstartedcryingforthem,andIsawthat

everyemotionisasvalidasanyother.Youdon’tcherry-pickhappiness

andenjoyment,theso-calledgoodemotions;itwasokaytohavenegative

thoughts.That’slife.Forme,tryingtoresistemotionsjustamplified

them.OnceIwasinthisstate,itwasbeautiful—afeelingofdeep

contentment.Ihadthisoverwhelmingfeeling—itwasn’tevenathought—

thateverythingandeveryoneneedstobeapproachedwithlove,including

myself.”

Ianenjoyedseveralmonthsofrelieffromhisdepressionaswellasa

newperspectiveonhislife—somethingnoantidepressanthadevergiven

him.“LikeGoogleEarth,Ihadzoomedout,”hetoldWattsinhissix-

monthinterview.Forseveralweeksafterhissession,“Iwasabsolutely

connectedtomyself,toeverylivingthing,totheuniverse.”Eventually,

Ian’sovervieweffectfaded,however,andheendedupbackonZoloft.

“Thesheenandshinethatlifeandexistencehadregainedimmediately

afterthetrialandforseveralweeksaftergraduallyfaded,”hewroteone

yearlater.“TheinsightsIgainedduringthetrialhaveneverleftandwill

neverleaveme.Buttheynowfeelmorelikeideas,”hesays.Hesayshe’s

doingbetterthanbeforeandhasbeenabletoholddownajob,buthis

depressionhasreturned.Hetoldmehewisheshecouldhaveanother

psilocybinsessionatImperial.Becausethat’scurrentlynotanoption,

he’llsometimesmeditateandlistentotheplaylistfromhissession.“That

reallydoeshelpputmebackinthatplace.”

MorethanhalfoftheImperialvolunteerssawthecloudsoftheir

depressioneventuallyreturn,soitseemslikelythatpsychedelictherapy

fordepression,shoulditproveusefulandbeapproved,willnotbea

onetimeintervention.Buteventhetemporaryrespitethevolunteers

regardedasprecious,becauseitremindedthemtherewasanotherwayto

bethatwasworthworkingtorecapture.Likeelectroconvulsivetherapy

fordepression,whichitinsomewaysresembles,psychedelictherapyisa

shocktothesystem—a“reboot”or“defragging”—thatmayneedtobe

repeatedeverysooften.(Assumingthetreatmentworksaswellwhen

repeated.)Butthepotentialofthetherapyhasregulatorsandresearchers

andmuchofthementalhealthcommunityfeelinghopeful.

“Ibelievethiscouldrevolutionizementalhealthcare,”Wattstoldme.

HerconvictionissharedbyeveryotherpsychedelicresearcherI

interviewed.

•••

“IFMANYREMEDIESareprescribedforanillness,”wroteAntonChekhov,

whowasaphysicianaswellasawriter,“youmaybecertainthatthe

illnesshasnocure.”ButwhataboutthereverseofChekhov’sstatement?

Whatarewetomakeofasingleremedybeingprescribedforagreat

manyillnesses?Howcoulditbethatpsychedelictherapymightbe

helpfulfordisordersasdifferentasdepression,addiction,theanxietyof

thecancerpatient,nottomentionobsessive-compulsivedisorder(about

whichtherehasbeenoneencouragingstudy)andeatingdisorders(which

Hopkinsnowplanstostudy)?

Weshouldn’tforgetthatirrationalexuberancehasafflicted

psychedelicresearchsincethebeginning,andthebeliefthatthese

moleculesareapanaceaforwhateverailsusisatleastasoldasTimothy

Leary.Itcouldwellbethatthecurrententhusiasmwilleventuallygive

waytoamoremodestassessmentoftheirpotential.Newtreatments

alwayslookshiniestandmostpromisingatthebeginning.Inearly

studieswithsmallsamples,theresearchers,whoareusuallybiasedin

favoroffindinganeffect,havetheluxuryofselectingthevolunteersmost

likelytorespond.Becausetheirnumberissosmall,thesevolunteers

benefitfromthecareandattentionofexceptionallywell-trainedand

dedicatedtherapists,whoarealsobiasedinfavorofsuccess.Also,the

placeboeffectisusuallystrongestinanewmedicineandtendstofade

overtime,asobservedinthecaseofantidepressants;theydon’twork

nearlyaswelltodayastheydidupontheirintroductioninthe1980s.

Noneofthesepsychedelictherapieshaveyetproventhemselvestowork

inlargepopulations;whatsuccesseshavebeenreportedshouldbetaken

aspromisingsignalsstandingoutfromthenoiseofdata,ratherthanas

definitiveproofsofcure.

Yetthefactthatpsychedelicshaveproducedsuchasignalacrossa

rangeofindicationscanbeinterpretedinamorepositivelight.Whena

singleremedyisprescribedforagreatmanyillnesses,toparaphrase

Chekhov,itcouldmeanthoseillnessesaremorealikethanwe’re

accustomedtothink.Ifatherapycontainsanimplicittheoryofthe

disorderitpurportstoremedy,whatmightthefactthatpsychedelic

therapyseemstoaddresssomanyindicationshavetotellusaboutwhat

thosedisordersmighthaveincommon?Andaboutmentalillnessin

general?

IputthisquestiontoTomInsel,theformerheadoftheNational

InstituteofMentalHealth.“Itdoesn’tsurprisemeatall”thatthesame

treatmentshouldshowpromiseforsomanyindications.Hepointsout

thattheDSM—theDiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMental

Disorders,nowinitsfifthedition—drawssomewhatarbitrarylines

betweenmentaldisorders,linesthatshiftwitheachnewedition.

“TheDSMcategorieswehavedon’treflectreality,”Inselsaid;they

existfortheconvenienceoftheinsuranceindustryasmuchasanything

else.“There’smuchmoreofacontinuumbetweenthesedisordersthan

theDSMrecognizes.”HepointstothefactthatSSRIs,whentheywork,

areusefulfortreatingarangeofconditionsbesidesdepression,including

anxietyandobsessive-compulsivedisorder,suggestingtheexistenceof

somecommonunderlyingmechanism.

AndrewSolomon,inhisbookTheNoondayDemon:AnAtlasof

Depression,tracesthelinksbetweenaddictionanddepression,which

frequentlyco-occur,aswellastheintimaterelationshipbetween

depressionandanxiety.Hequotesanexpertonanxietywhosuggestswe

shouldthinkofthetwodisordersas“fraternaltwins”:“Depressionisa

responsetopastloss,andanxietyisaresponsetofutureloss.”Both

reflectamindmiredinrumination,onedwellingonthepast,theother

worryingaboutthefuture.Whatmainlydistinguishesthetwodisordersis

theirtense.

Ahandfulofresearchersinthementalhealthfieldseemtobegroping

towardagrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness,thoughtheywouldnotbe

soarrogantastocallitthat.DavidKessler,thephysicianandformer

headoftheFDA,recentlypublishedabookcalledCapture:Unraveling

theMysteryofMentalSufferingthatmakesthecaseforsuchan

approach.“Capture”ishistermforthecommonmechanismunderlying

addiction,depression,anxiety,mania,andobsession;inhisview,all

thesedisordersinvolvelearnedhabitsofnegativethinkingandbehavior

thathijackourattentionandtrapusinloopsofself-reflection.“What

startedasapleasurebecomesaneed;whatwasonceabadmood

becomescontinuousself-indictment;whatwasonceanannoyance

becomespersecution,”inaprocesshedescribesasaformof“inverse

learning.”“Everytimewerespond[toastimulus],westrengthenthe

neuralcircuitrythatpromptsustorepeat”thesamedestructivethoughts

orbehaviors.

Coulditbethatthescienceofpsychedelicshasacontributiontomake

tothedevelopmentofagrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness—oratleast

ofsomementalillnesses?Mostoftheresearchersinthefield—from

RobinCarhart-HarristoRolandGriffiths,MatthewJohnson,andJeffrey

Guss—havebecomeconvincedthatpsychedelicsoperateonsomehigher-

ordermechanismsinthebrainandmind,mechanismsthatmayunderlie,

andhelpexplain,awidevarietyofmentalandbehavioraldisorders,as

wellas,perhaps,garden-varietyunhappiness.

Itcouldbeasstraightforwardasthenotionofa“mentalreboot”—Matt

Johnson’sbiologicalcontrol-alt-deletekey—thatjoltsthebrainoutof

destructivepatterns(suchasKessler’s“capture”),affordingan

opportunityfornewpatternstotakeroot.Itcouldbethat,asFranz

Vollenweiderhashypothesized,psychedelicsenhanceneuroplasticity.

Themyriadnewconnectionsthatspringupinthebrainduringthe

psychedelicexperience,asmappedbytheneuroimagingdoneatImperial

College,andthedisintegrationofwell-traveledoldconnections,may

servesimplyto“shakethesnowglobe,”inRobinCarhart-Harris’sphrase,

apredicateforestablishingnewpathways.

MendelKaelen,aDutchpostdocintheImperiallab,proposesamore

extendedsnowmetaphor:“Thinkofthebrainasahillcoveredinsnow,

andthoughtsassledsglidingdownthathill.Asonesledafteranother

goesdownthehill,asmallnumberofmaintrailswillappearinthesnow.

Andeverytimeanewsledgoesdown,itwillbedrawnintothe

preexistingtrails,almostlikeamagnet.”Thosemaintrailsrepresentthe

mostwell-traveledneuralconnectionsinyourbrain,manyofthem

passingthroughthedefaultmodenetwork.“Intime,itbecomesmore

andmoredifficulttoglidedownthehillonanyotherpathorina

differentdirection.

“Thinkofpsychedelicsastemporarilyflatteningthesnow.Thedeeply

worntrailsdisappear,andsuddenlythesledcangoinotherdirections,

exploringnewlandscapesand,literally,creatingnewpathways.”When

thesnowisfreshest,themindismostimpressionable,andtheslightest

nudge—whetherfromasongoranintentionoratherapist’ssuggestion—

canpowerfullyinfluenceitsfuturecourse.

RobinCarhart-Harris’stheoryoftheentropicbrainrepresentsa

promisingelaborationonthisgeneralidea,andafirststabataunified

theoryofmentalillnessthathelpsexplainallthreeofthedisorderswe’ve

examinedinthesepages.Ahappybrainisasuppleandflexiblebrain,he

believes;depression,anxiety,obsession,andthecravingsofaddictionare

howitfeelstohaveabrainthathasbecomeexcessivelyrigidorfixedin

itspathwaysandlinkages—abrainwithmoreorderthanisgoodforit.On

thespectrumhelaysout(inhisentropicbrainarticle)rangingfrom

excessiveordertoexcessiveentropy,depression,addiction,anddisorders

ofobsessionallfallonthetoo-much-orderend.(Psychosisisonthe

entropyendofthespectrum,whichiswhyitprobablydoesn’trespondto

psychedelictherapy.)

Thetherapeuticvalueofpsychedelics,inCarhart-Harris’sview,liesin

theirabilitytotemporarilyelevateentropyintheinflexiblebrain,jolting

thesystemoutofitsdefaultpatterns.Carhart-Harrisusesthemetaphor

ofannealingfrommetallurgy:psychedelicsintroduceenergyintothe

system,givingittheflexibilitynecessaryforittobendandsochange.The

Hopkinsresearchersuseasimilarmetaphortomakethesamepoint:

psychedelictherapycreatesanintervalofmaximumplasticityinwhich,

withproperguidance,newpatternsofthoughtandbehaviorcanbe

learned.

Allthesemetaphorsforbrainactivityarejustthat—metaphors—and

notthethingitself.Yettheneuroimagingoftrippingbrainsthat’sbeen

doneatImperialCollege(andthathassincebeenreplicatedinseveral

otherlabsusingnotonlypsilocybinbutalsoLSDandayahuasca)has

identifiedmeasurablechangesinthebrainthatlendcredencetothese

metaphors.Inparticular,thechangesinactivityandconnectivityinthe

defaultmodenetworkonpsychedelicssuggestitmaybepossibletolink

thefeltexperienceofcertaintypesofmentalsufferingwithsomething

observable—andalterable—inthebrain.Ifthedefaultmodenetworkdoes

whatneuroscientiststhinkitdoes,thenaninterventionthattargetsthat

networkhasthepotentialtohelprelieveseveralformsofmentalillness,

includingthehandfulofdisorderspsychedelicresearchershavetrialedso

far.

SomanyofthevolunteersIspoketo,whetheramongthedying,the

addicted,orthedepressed,describedfeelingmentally“stuck,”captured

inruminativeloopstheyfeltpowerlesstobreak.Theytalkedabout

“prisonsoftheself,”spiralsofobsessiveintrospectionthatwallthemoff

fromotherpeople,nature,theirearlierselves,andthepresentmoment.

Allthesethoughtsandfeelingsmaybetheproductsofanoveractive

defaultmodenetwork,thattightlylinkedsetofbrainstructures

implicatedinrumination,self-referentialthought,andmetacognition—

thinkingaboutthinking.Itstandstoreasonthatbyquietingthebrain

networkresponsibleforthinkingaboutourselves,andthinkingabout

thinkingaboutourselves,wemightbeabletojumpthattrack,oreraseit

fromthesnow.

Thedefaultmodenetworkappearstobetheseatnotonlyoftheego,

orself,butofthementalfacultyoftimetravelaswell.Thetwoareof

coursecloselyrelated:withouttheabilitytorememberourpastand

imagineafuture,thenotionofacoherentselfcouldhardlybesaidto

exist;wedefineourselveswithreferencetoourpersonalhistoryand

futureobjectives.(Asmeditatorseventuallydiscover,ifwecanmanageto

stopthinkingaboutthepastorfutureandsinkintothepresent,theself

seemstodisappear.)Mentaltimetravelisconstantlytakingusoffthe

frontierofthepresentmoment.Thiscanbehighlyadaptive;itallowsus

tolearnfromthepastandplanforthefuture.Butwhentimetravelturns

obsessive,itfostersthebackward-lookinggazeofdepressionandthe

forwardpitchofanxiety.Addiction,too,seemstoinvolveuncontrollable

timetravel.Theaddictuseshishabittoorganizetime:Whenwasthelast

hit,andwhencanIgetthenext?

Tosaythedefaultmodenetworkistheseatoftheselfisnotasimple

proposition,especiallywhenyouconsiderthattheselfmaynotbeexactly

real.Yetwecansaythereisasetofmentaloperations,timetravelamong

them,thatareassociatedwiththeself.Thinkofitsimplyasthelocusof

thisparticularsetofmentalactivities,manyofwhichappeartohavetheir

homeinthestructuresofthedefaultmodenetwork.

Anothertypeofmentalactivitythatneuroimaginghaslocatedinthe

DMN(andspecificallyintheposteriorcingulatecortex)isthework

performedbytheso-calledautobiographicalorexperientialself:the

mentaloperationresponsibleforthenarrativesthatlinkourfirstperson

totheworld,andsohelpdefineus.“ThisiswhoIam.”“Idon’tdeserveto

beloved.”“I’mthekindofpersonwithoutthewillpowertobreakthis

addiction.”Gettingoverlyattachedtothesenarratives,takingthemas

fixedtruthsaboutourselvesratherthanasstoriessubjecttorevision,

contributesmightilytoaddiction,depression,andanxiety.Psychedelic

therapyseemstoweakenthegripofthesenarratives,perhapsby

temporarilydisintegratingthepartsofthedefaultmodenetworkwhere

theyoperate.

Andthenthereistheego,perhapsthemostformidablecreationofthe

defaultmodenetwork,whichstrivestodefendusfromthreatsboth

internalandexternal.Whenallisworkingasitshouldbe,theegokeeps

theorganismontrack,helpingittorealizeitsgoalsandprovideforits

needs,notablyforsurvivalandreproduction.Itgetsthejobdone.Butitis

alsofundamentallyconservative.“Theegokeepsusinourgrooves,”as

MattJohnsonputsit.Forbetterand,sometimes,forworse.For

occasionallytheegocanbecometyrannicalandturnitsformidable

powersontherestofus.*Perhapsthisisthelinkbetweenthevarious

formsofmentalillnessthatpsychedelictherapyseemstohelpmost:all

involveadisorderedego—overbearing,punishing,ormisdirected.*

Inacollegecommencementaddresshedeliveredthreeyearsbefore

hissuicide,DavidFosterWallaceaskedhisaudienceto“thinkoftheold

clichéabout‘themindbeinganexcellentservantbutaterriblemaster.’

This,likemanyclichés,solameandunexcitingonthesurface,actually

expressesagreatandterribletruth,”hesaid.

“Itisnottheleastbitcoincidentalthatadultswhocommitsuicidewith

firearmsalmostalwaysshootthemselvesinthehead.Theyshootthe

terriblemaster.”

•••

OFALLTHEPHENOMENOLOGICALEFFECTSthatpeopleonpsychedelicsreport,

thedissolutionoftheegoseemstomebyfarthemostimportantandthe

mosttherapeutic.Ifoundlittleconsensusonterminologyamongthe

researchersIinterviewed,butwhenIunpacktheirmetaphorsand

vocabularies—whetherspiritual,humanistic,psychoanalytic,or

neurological—itisfinallythelossofegoorself(whatJungcalled“psychic

death”)they’resuggestingisthekeypsychologicaldriverofthe

experience.Itisthisthatgivesusthemysticalexperience,thedeath

rehearsalprocess,theovervieweffect,thenotionofamentalreboot,the

makingofnewmeanings,andtheexperienceofawe.

Considerthecaseofthemysticalexperience:thesenseof

transcendence,sacredness,unitiveconsciousness,infinitude,and

blissfulnesspeoplereportcanallbeexplainedaswhatitcanfeelliketoa

mindwhenitssenseofbeing,orhaving,aseparateselfissuddenlyno

more.

Isitanywonderwewouldfeelonewiththeuniversewhenthe

boundariesbetweenselfandworldthattheegopatrolssuddenlyfall

away?Becausewearemeaning-makingcreatures,ourmindsstriveto

comeupwithnewstoriestoexplainwhatishappeningtothemduring

theexperience.Someofthesestoriesareboundtobesupernaturalor

“spiritual,”ifonlybecausethephenomenaaresoextraordinarytheycan’t

beeasilyexplainedintermsofourusualconceptualcategories.The

predictivebrainisgettingsomanyerrorsignalsthatitisforcedto

developextravagantnewinterpretationsofanexperiencethattranscends

itscapacityforunderstanding.

Whetherthemostmagnificentofthesestoriesrepresentaregression

tomagicalthinking,asFreudbelieved,oraccesstotranspersonalrealms

suchasthe“MindatLarge,”asHuxleybelieved,isitselfamatterof

interpretation.Whocansayforcertain?Yetitseemstomeverylikely

thatlosingorshrinkingtheselfwouldmakeanyonefeelmore“spiritual,”

howeveryouchoosetodefinetheword,andthatthisisapttomakeone

feelbetter.

Theusualantonymfortheword“spiritual”is“material.”Thatatleast

iswhatIbelievedwhenIbeganthisinquiry—thatthewholeissuewith

spiritualityturnedonaquestionofmetaphysics.NowI’minclinedto

thinkamuchbetterandcertainlymoreusefulantonymfor“spiritual”

mightbe“egotistical.”SelfandSpiritdefinetheoppositeendsofa

spectrum,butthatspectrumneedn’treachcleartotheheavenstohave

meaningforus.Itcanstayrighthereonearth.Whentheegodissolves,so

doesaboundedconceptionnotonlyofourselfbutofourself-interest.

Whatemergesinitsplaceisinvariablyabroader,moreopenheartedand

altruistic—thatis,morespiritual—ideaofwhatmattersinlife.Onein

whichanewsenseofconnection,orlove,howeverdefined,seemsto

figureprominently.

“Thepsychedelicjourneymaynotgiveyouwhatyouwant,”asmore

thanoneguidememorablywarnedme,“butitwillgiveyouwhatyou

need.”Iguessthat’sbeentrueforme.Itmighthavebeennothinglikethe

oneIsignedupfor,butIcanseenowthatthejourneyhasbeena

spiritualeducationafterall.

Coda:GoingtoMeetMyDefaultModeNetwork

Igottheopportunity—anon-pharmacologicalopportunity—topeerinto

myowndefaultmodenetworksoonafterIinterviewedJudsonBrewer,

thepsychiatristandneuroscientistwhostudiesthebrainsofmeditators.

ItwasBrewer,you’llrecall,whodiscoveredthatthebrainsofexperienced

meditatorslookmuchlikethebrainsofpeopleonpsilocybin:thepractice

andthemedicinebothdramaticallyreduceactivityinthedefaultmode

network.

BrewerinvitedmetovisithislabattheCenterforMindfulnessatthe

UniversityofMassachusettsmedicalschoolinWorcestertorunsome

experimentsonmyowndefaultmodenetwork.Hislabhasdevelopeda

neuralfeedbacktoolthatallowsresearchers(andtheirvolunteers)to

observeinrealtimetheactivityinoneofthekeybrainstructuresinthe

defaultmodenetwork:theposteriorcingulatecortex.

UntilnowIhavetriedtospareyouthenamesandfunctionsofspecific

partsofbrainanatomy,butIdoneedtodescribethisoneinabitmore

detail.Theposteriorcingulatecortexisacentrallylocatednodewithin

thedefaultmodenetworkinvolvedinself-referentialmentalprocesses.

Situatedinthemiddleofthebrain,itlinkstheprefrontalcortex—siteof

ourexecutivefunction,whereweplanandexercisewill—withthecenters

ofmemoryandemotioninthehippocampus.ThePCCisbelievedtobe

thelocusoftheexperientialornarrativeself;itappearstogeneratethe

narrativesthatlinkwhathappenstoustoourabidingsenseofwhowe

are.Brewerbelievesthatthisparticularoperation,whenitgoesawry,is

attherootofseveralformsofmentalsuffering,includingaddiction.

AsBrewerexplainsit,activityinthePCCiscorrelatednotsomuch

withourthoughtsandfeelingsaswith“howwerelatetoourthoughts

andfeelings.”Itiswhereweget“caughtupinthepushandpullofour

experience.”(Thishasparticularrelevancefortheaddict:“It’sonething

tohavecravings,”asBrewerpointsout,“butquiteanothertogetcaught

upinyourcravings.”)Whenwetakesomethingthathappenstous

personally?That’sthePCCdoingits(egotistical)thing.TohearBrewer

describeitistosuspectneurosciencemighthaveatlastfoundtheaddress

forthe“Butenoughaboutyou”centerofthebrain.

Buddhistsbelievethatattachmentisattherootofallformsofmental

suffering;iftheneuroscienceisright,alotoftheseattachmentshave

theirmooringinthePCC,wheretheyarenurturedandsustained.Brewer

thinksthatbydiminishingitsactivity,whetherbymeansofmeditationor

psychedelics,wecanlearn“tobewithourthoughtsandcravingswithout

gettingcaughtupinthem.”Achievingsuchadetachmentfromour

thoughts,feelings,anddesiresiswhatBuddhism(alongwithseveral

otherwisdomtraditions)teachesisthesurestpathoutofhuman

suffering.

Brewertookmeintoasmall,darkenedroomwhereacomfortable

chairfacedacomputermonitor.Oneofhislaboratoryassistantsbrought

inthecontraption:aredrubberbathingcapwith128sensorsarrayedina

densegridacrosseverycentimeterofitssurface.Eachofthesensorswas

linkedtoacable.Aftertheassistantcarefullyfittedthecapontomyskull,

shesquirtedadabofconductivegelbeneatheachofthe128electrodesto

ensurethefaintelectricalsignalsemanatingfromdeepwithinmybrain

couldreadilytraversemyscalp.Brewertookapictureofmeonmy

phone:Ihadsproutedagoofytangleofhigh-techdreadlocks.

TocalibrateabaselinelevelofactivityformyPCC,Brewerprojecteda

seriesofadjectivesonthescreen—“courageous,”“cheap,”“patriotic,”

“impulsive,”andsoon.Simplyreadingthelistdoesnothingtoactivate

thePCC,whichiswhyhetoldmenowtothinkabouthowtheseadjectives

eitherappliedordidn’tapplytome.Takeitpersonally,inotherwords.

ThisispreciselythethoughtprocessthatthePCCexiststoperform,

relatingthoughtsandexperiencestooursenseofwhoweare.

Oncehehadestablishedabaseline,Brewer,fromanotherroom,led

methroughaseriesofexercisestoseeifIcouldaltertheactivityofmy

PCCbythinkingdifferentkindsofthoughts.Atthecompletionofeach

“run”—lastingafewminutes—hewouldprojectabargraphonthescreen

infrontofme;thelengthofeachbarindicatestowhatextenttheactivity

inmyPCChadexceededordroppedbelowbaseline,inten-second

increments.IcouldalsofollowtheupsanddownsofmyPCCactivityby

listeningtorisingandfallingtonesonamonitor,butIfoundthattoo

distracting.

Ibeganbytryingtomeditate,somethingI’dgottenintothehabitof

doingearlyinmyforayintothescienceandpracticeofpsychedelic

consciousness.Abriefdailymeditationhadbecomeawayformetostay

intouchwiththekindofthinkingI’ddoneonpsychedelics.Idiscovered

mytripshadmadeiteasierformetodropintoamentallyquietplace,

somethingthatinthepasthadalwayseludedme.SoIclosedmyeyesand

begantofollowmybreath.Ihadnevertriedtomeditateinfrontofother

people,anditfeltawkward,butwhenBrewerputthegraphuponthe

screen,IcouldseethatIhadsucceededinquietingmyPCC—notbyalot,

butmostofthebarsdippedbelowbaseline.Yetthegraphwassomewhat

jagged,withseveralbarsleapingabovebaseline.Brewerexplainedthat

thisiswhathappenswhenyou’retryingtoohardtomeditateandbecome

consciousoftheeffort.Thereitwasinblackandwhite:thegraphofmy

effortfulnessandself-criticism.

NextBreweraskedmetodoa“loving-kindness”meditation.Thisis

onewhereyou’resupposedtocloseyoureyesandthinkwarmand

charitablethoughtsaboutpeople:firstyourself,thenthoseclosesttoyou,

andfinallypeopleyoudon’tknow—humanityatlarge.Thebarsdropped

smartlybelowbaseline,deeperthanbefore:Iwasgoodatthis!(Aself-

congratulatorythoughtthatnodoubtshotabarskyward.)

Forthenextandlastrun,ItoldBrewerIhadanideaforamental

exerciseIwantedtotrybutdidn’twanttotellhimwhatitwasuntil

afterward.Iclosedmyeyesandtriedtosummonscenesfrommy

psychedelicjourneys.Theonethatcametomindfirstwasanimageofa

pastorallandscape,agentlyrollingquiltoffieldandforestandpond,

directlyabovewhichhoveredsomekindofgiganticrectangularframe

madeofsteel.Thestructure,whichwasafewstoriestallbuthollow,

resembledapylonforelectricaltransmissionlinesorsomethingakid

mightbuildfromanErectorset—afavoritetoyofmychildhood.Anyway,

bytheoddlogicofpsychedelicexperience,itwascleartomeeveninthe

momentthatthisstructurerepresentedmyego,andthelandscapeabove

whichitloomedwas,Ipresumed,therestofme.

Thedescriptionmakesitsoundasthoughthestructurewere

menacing,hoveringoverheadlikeaUFO,butinfacttheemotionaltone

oftheimagewasmostlybenign.Thestructurehadrevealeditselfas

emptyandsuperfluousandhadlostitspurchaseontheground—onme.

Thescenehadgivenmeakindofovervieweffect:beholdyourego,

sturdy,gray,empty,andfloatingfree,likeanuntetheredpylon.Consider

howmuchmorebeautifulthescenewouldbewereitnotintheway.The

phrase“child’splay”loopedinmymind:thestructurewasnothingmore

thanatoythatachildcouldassembleanddisassembleatwill.Duringthe

tripthestructurecontinuedtoloom,castinganintricateshadowoverthe

scene,butnowinmyrecollectionIcouldpictureitdriftingoff,leaving

me...tobe.

Whoknowswhatkindsofelectricalsignalswereleakingfrommy

defaultmodenetworkduringthisreverie,orforthatmatterwhatthe

imagesymbolized.You’vereadthischapter:obviously,I’vebeengivinga

lotofthoughttotheegoanditsdiscontents.Herewassomeofthat

thinkingrenderedstarklyvisible.Ihadsucceededindetachingmyself

frommyego,atleastimaginatively,somethingIwouldneverhave

thoughtpossiblebeforepsychedelics.Aren’tweidenticalwithourego?

What’sleftofuswithoutit?Thelessonofbothpsychedelicsand

meditationisthesame:No!onthefirstcount,andMorethanenoughon

thesecond.Includingthislovelylandscapeofthemind,whichbecame

lovelierstillwhenIletthatridiculoussteelstructurefloataway,takingits

shadowwithit.

Abeepindicatedtherunwasover.Brewer’svoicecameonthe

loudspeaker:“Whatintheworldwereyouthinking?”Apparently,I’d

droppedwaybelowbaseline.Itoldhim,ingeneralterms.Hesounded

excitedbytheideathatthemererecollectionofapsychedelicexperience

mightsomehowreplicatewhathappensinthebrainduringtherealthing.

Maybethat’swhatwasgoingon.Ormaybeitwasthespecificcontentof

theimage,andthemerethoughtofbiddingadieutomyego,watchingit

floatawaylikeahot-airballoon,thathadthepowertosilencemydefault

modenetwork.

Brewerstartedspoutinghypotheses.Whichisreallyallthatscience

canofferusatthispoint:hunches,theories,somanymoreexperiments

totry.Wehaveplentyofclues,andmorenowthanbeforetherenaissance

ofpsychedelicscience,butweremainalongwayfromunderstanding

exactlywhathappenstoconsciousnesswhenwealterit,eitherwitha

moleculeorwithmeditation.Yetgazingatthebarsonthegraphbefore

me,thesecrudehieroglyphsofpsychedelicthought,IfeltasifIwere

standingontheedgeofawide-openfrontier,squintingtomakeout

somethingwondrous.

EPILOGUE

InPraiseofNeuralDiversity

INAPRIL2017,theinternationalpsychedeliccommunitygatheredinthe

OaklandConventionCenterforPsychedelicScience,anevery-few-years-

or-soeventorganizedbyMAPS,theMultidisciplinaryAssociationfor

PsychedelicStudies,thenonprofitestablishedbyRickDoblinin1986

withtheimprobablegoalofreturningpsychedelicstoscientificand

culturalrespectability.In2016,Doblinhimselfseemedstunnedathow

farandfastthingshadcomeandhowclosetohandvictorynowseemed.

Earlierintheyear,theFDAhadapprovedphase3trialsofMDMA,and

psilocybinwasnotfarbehind.Iftheresultsofthesetrialscomeanywhere

nearthoseofphase2,thegovernmentwillpresumablyhaveto

reschedulethetwodrugs,andthendoctorswillbeabletoprescribethem.

“Wearenotthecounterculture,”Doblintoldareporterduringthe

conference.“Wearetheculture.”

Whathadbeenasrecentlyas2010amodestgatheringofpsychonauts

andahandfulofrenegaderesearcherswasnowasix-dayconvention-

cum-conferencethathaddrawnmorethanthreethousandpeoplefrom

allovertheworldtohearresearchersfromtwenty-fivecountriespresent

theirfindings.Notthatthereweren’talsoplentyofpsychonautsand

legionsofthepsychedelicallycurious.Betweenthelecturesandpanels

andplenaries,theybrowsedasprawlingmarketplaceofferingpsychedelic

books,psychedelicartwork,andpsychedelicmusic.

Forme,theeventturnedouttobeakindofreunion,bringingtogether

mostofthecharactersinmystoryunderoneroof.Iwasabletocatchup

withvirtuallyallthescientistsI’dinterviewed(thoughRobinCarhart-

Harris,withababyontheway,hadtoskip),aswellasseveralofthe

undergroundguideswithwhomI’dworked.

Everyone,itseemed,washere,scientistsrubbingshoulderswith

guidesandshamans,veteranpsychonauts,alargecontingentof

therapistseagertoaddpsychedelicstotheirpractice,plusfundersand

filmmakersandevenasmatteringofentrepreneurssniffingoutbusiness

opportunities.AndalthoughIpickedupsnippetsofconcernaboutthe

newattorneygeneral’seffortstorekindlethedrugwar,onthewholethe

moodwasunmistakablycelebratory.

WhenIaskedconferencegoerswhichsessiontheydeemedmost

memorable,almostinvariablytheymentionedtheplenarypanelcalled

“FutureofPsychedelicPsychiatry.”Whatwasmostnoteworthyaboutthis

panelwastheidentityofthepanelists,which,atapsychedelic

convention,wascauseforcognitivedissonance.HerewasPaul

Summergrad,MD,theformerheadoftheAmericanPsychiatric

Association,seatednexttoTomInsel,MD,theformerheadofthe

NationalInstituteofMentalHealth.Thepanelwasorganizedand

moderatedbyGeorgeGoldsmith,anAmericanentrepreneurandhealth

industryconsultantbasedinLondon.Inthelastseveralyears,heandhis

wife,EkaterinaMalievskaia,aRussian-bornphysician,havedevoted

theirconsiderableenergyandresourcestowinningapprovalfor

psilocybin-assistedtherapyintheEuropeanUnion.

Itwascleartoeveryoneinthestanding-roomcrowdexactlywhatthe

threemenonthepanelrepresented:therecognitionofpsychedelic

therapybythementalhealthestablishment.Inselspokeofhowpoorly

therecordofmentalhealthcarestacksupagainsttheachievementsofthe

restofmedicine.Hepointedoutthatithasfailedtolowermortalityfrom

seriouspsychiatricdisordersandspokeofthepromiseofnewmodelsof

mentalhealthtreatmentsuchaspsychedelictherapy.“I’mreally

impressedbytheapproachhere,”hetoldthegroup.“Peopledon’tsay,

simply,we’regonnagivepsychedelics.Theytalkabout‘psychedelic-

assistedpsychotherapy.’...Ithinkit’sareallynovelapproach.”Insel

temperedhisenthusiasm,however,bynotingthatsuchanovelparadigm

maybedevilregulatorsaccustomedtoevaluatingnewdrugsinisolation.

GeorgeGoldsmithaskedbothmenwhatadvicetheywouldgivetothe

researchersintheroom,menandwomenwhohavebeenworking

diligentlyforyearstobringpsychedelictherapytopatients.Without

hesitating,Inselturnedtotheaudienceandsaid,“Don’tscrewitup!”

“Theremaybelotsofpromisehere,”Inselsaid,“butit’sreallyeasyto

forgetaboutissuesrelatedtosafety,issuesrelatedtorigor,issuesrelated

toreputationalrisks.”Hesuggestedthatpsychedelicswouldprobably

needtoberebrandedinthepublicmindandthatitwouldbeessentialto

steerclearofanythingthatsmackedof“recreationaluse.”Heand

Summergradbothwarnedthatasinglesloppyresearcher,orapatient

withadisastrousexperience,couldpoisonthewellforeverybody.

NobodyneededtomentionthenameTimothyLeary.

•••

HOWCLOSEAREWEtoaworldinwhichpsychedelictherapyissanctioned

androutine,andwhatwouldsuchaworldlooklike?BobJessewasinthe

audiencewhentheformerheadofNIMHtookhisswipeagainst

“recreationaluse,”andthoughIdidn’tseeit,Icanpicturehisgrimace.

Andwhatexactlyiswrongwithre-creatingourselves?BobJesse

worriesthatthe“medicalization”ofpsychedelicsthesemenwere

advocatingastheonetruepathwouldbeamistake.

Notthatmedicalizationwillbeeasy.Severalsteepregulatoryhurdles

willfirstneedtobeovercome.Phase3trialsinvolvemultiplesitesand

hundredsofvolunteers;theycancosttensofmillionsofdollars.

NormallyBigPharmafootsthebillforsuchtrials,butthusfarthe

pharmaceuticalcompanieshaveshownscantinterestinpsychedelics.For

onething,thisclassofdrugsoffersthemlittleifanyintellectualproperty:

psilocybinisaproductofnature,andthepatentonLSDexpireddecades

ago.Foranother,BigPharmamostlyinvestsindrugsforchronic

conditions,thepillsyouhavetotakeeveryday.Whywoulditinvestina

pillpatientsmightonlyneedtotakeonceinalifetime?

Psychiatryfacesasimilardilemma:ittooisweddedtointerminable

therapies,whetherthatmeansthedailyantidepressantortheweekly

psychotherapysession.Itistruethatapsychedelicsessionlastsseveral

hoursandusuallyrequirestwotherapistsbepresentfortheduration,but

ifthetherapyworksasit’ssupposedto,therewon’tbealotofrepeat

business.It’snotatallclearwhatthebusinessmodelmightbe.Yet.

SeveraloftheresearchersandtherapistsI’veinterviewednevertheless

lookforwardtoatime,notfaroff,whenpsychedelictherapyisroutine

andwidelyavailable,intheformofanovelhybridofpharmacologyand

psychotherapy.GeorgeGoldsmithenvisionsanetworkofpsychedelic

treatmentcenters,facilitiesinattractivenaturalsettingswherepatients

willgofortheirguidedsessions.Hehasformedacompanycalled

CompassPathwaystobuildthesecentersinthebelieftheycanoffera

treatmentforarangeofmentalillnessessufficientlyeffectiveand

economicalthatEurope’snationalhealthserviceswillreimbursefor

them.Goldsmithhassofarraisedthreemillionpoundstofundand

organizepsilocybintrials(startingwithtreatment-resistantdepression)

atmultiplesitesinEurope.AlreadyheisworkingwithdesignersatIDEO,

theinternationaldesignfirm,toredesigntheentireexperienceof

psychedelictherapy.PaulSummergradandTomInselhavebothjoined

hisadvisoryboard.

KatherineMacLean,theformerHopkinsresearcherwhowrotethe

landmarkpaperonopenness,hopessomedaytoestablisha“psychedelic

hospice,”aretreatcentersomewhereoutinnaturewherenotonlythe

dyingbuttheirlovedonescanusepsychedelicstohelpthemletgo—the

patientandthelovedonesboth.

“Ifwelimitpsychedelicsjusttothepatient,”sheexplains,“we’re

stickingtotheoldmedicalmodel.Butpsychedelicsaremoreradicalthan

that.Igetnervouswhenpeoplesaytheyshouldonlybeprescribedbya

doctor.Iimagineabroaderapplication.”

InMacLean’swordsit’seasytohearechoesofthe1960sexperience

withpsychedelics—theexcitementabouttheirpotentialtohelpnotonly

thesickbuteveryoneelsetoo.Thiskindofthinking—ortalking—makes

someofhermainstreamcolleaguesnervous.It’sexactlythekindoftalk

thatInselandSummergradwerewarningthecommunityagainst.Good

luckwiththat.

“Thebettermentofwellpeople”isverymuchonthemindsofmostof

theresearchersIinterviewed,evenifsomeofthemweremorereluctant

todiscussitontherecordthaninstitutionaloutsiderslikeBobJesseand

RickDoblinandKatherineMacLean.Forthem,medicalacceptanceisa

firststeptowardamuchbroaderculturalacceptance—outright

legalization,inDoblin’sview,orsomethingmorecarefullycontrolledin

MacLean’sandJesse’s.Jessewouldliketoseethedrugsadministeredby

trainedguidesworkinginwhathecalls“longitudinalmultigenerational

contexts,”which,ashedescribesthem,soundalotlikechurches.(Think

ofthechurchesthatuseayahuascainaritualcontext,administeredby

experiencedeldersinagroupsetting.)Othersenvisionatimewhen

peopleseekingapsychedelicexperience—whetherforreasonsofmental

healthorspiritualseekingorsimplecuriosity—couldgo,very

occasionally,tosomethinglikea“mentalhealthclub,”asJulieHolland,a

psychiatristwhousedtoworkwithStephenRossatBellevue,described

it.“Sortoflikeacrossbetweenaspa/retreatandagym,wherepeoplecan

experiencepsychedelicsinasafe,supportiveenvironment.”*

Everyonespeaksoftheimportanceofwell-trainedpsychedelicguides

—“boardcertified”—andtheneedtohelppeopleafterwardintegratethe

powerfulexperiencestheyhavehadinordertomakesenseofthemand

renderthemtrulyuseful.TonyBossisparaphrasesthereligiousscholar

(andGoodFridayExperimentvolunteer)HustonSmithonthispoint:“A

spiritualexperiencedoesnotbyitselfmakeaspirituallife.”Integrationis

essentialtomakingsenseoftheexperience,whetherinoroutofthe

medicalcontext.Orelseitremainsjustadrugexperience.

Asfortheguidesthemselves,theyarealreadybeingtrainedand

certified:latein2016,theCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies

graduateditsfirstclassofforty-twopsychedelictherapists.(Thisisa

developmentthatworriessomeintheunderground,whofearbeingleft

behindwhenpsychedelictherapyislegitimized.Yetit’shardtoimagine

suchexperiencedandhighlyskilledpractitionerswon’tcontinuetofind

clients,especiallyamongthewell.)

WhenIaskedRickDoblinifheworriesaboutanotherbacklash,he

pointedoutthatourculturehascomealongwayfromthe1960sandhas

shownaremarkableabilitytodigestagreatmanyoftheculturalnovelties

firstcookedupduringthatera.

“Thatwasaverydifferenttime.Peoplewouldn’teventalkabout

cancerordeaththen.Womenweretranquilizedtogivebirth;men

weren’tallowedinthedeliveryroom!Yogaandmeditationweretotally

weird.Nowmindfulnessismainstreamandeveryonedoesyoga,and

therearebirthingcentersandhospicesallover.We’veintegratedallthese

thingsintoourculture.AndnowIthinkwe’rereadytointegrate

psychedelics.”

Doblinpointsoutthatmanyofthepeoplenowinchargeofour

institutionsareofagenerationwellacquaintedwiththesemolecules.

This,hesuggests,isthetruelegacyofTimothyLeary.It’sallwelland

goodfortoday’sresearcherstodisdainhis“antics”andblamehimfor

derailingthefirstwaveofresearch,andyet,asDoblinpointsoutwitha

smile,“therewouldbenosecondwaveifLearyhadn’tturnedonawhole

generation.”Indeed.ConsiderthecaseofPaulSummergrad,whohas

spokenpubliclyofhisownyouthfuluseofpsychedelics.Inavideotaped

interviewwithRamDassthatwasshownatthe2015meetingofthe

AmericanPsychiatricAssociation,hetoldhiscolleaguesthatanacidtrip

hetookincollegehadbeenformativeinhisintellectualdevelopment.

(JeffreyLieberman,anotherpastpresidentoftheAmericanPsychiatric

Association,hasalsowrittenoftheinsightsgleanedfromhisyouthful

experimentswithLSD.*)

Andyet,andyet...AsmuchasIwanttobelieveDoblin’ssunny

forecast,it’snothardtoimaginethingseasilygoingofftherails.Tony

Bossisagrees,asmuchashehopesthatpsychedelicswillsomedaybe

routineinpalliativecare.

“Wedon’tdiewellinAmerica.Askpeoplewheredoyouwanttodie,

andtheywilltellyou,athomewiththeirlovedones.Butmostofusdiein

anICU.ThebiggesttabooinAmericaistheconversationaboutdeath.

Sure,it’sgottenbetter;nowwehavehospices,whichdidn’texistnotso

longago.Buttoadoctor,it’sstillaninsulttoletapatientgo.”Inhisview,

psychedelicshavethepotentialnotonlytoopenupthatdifficult

conversationbuttochangetheexperienceofdyingitself.Ifthemedical

communitywillembracethem.

“Thisculturehasafearofdeath,afearoftranscendence,andafearof

theunknown,allofwhichareembodiedinthiswork.”Psychedelicsmay

bytheirverynaturebetoodisruptiveforourinstitutionsevertoembrace

them.Institutionsgenerallyliketomediatetheindividual’saccessto

authorityofwhateverkind—whethermedicalorspiritual—whereasthe

psychedelicexperienceofferssomethingakintodirectrevelation,making

itinherentlyantinomian.Andyetsomecultureshavesuccessfullydevised

ritualformstocontainandharnesstheDionysianenergiesof

psychedelics;thinkoftheEleusinianmysteriesofancientGreeceorthe

shamanicceremoniessurroundingpeyoteorayahuascaintheAmericas

today.Itisnotimpossible.

ThefirsttimeIraisedJesse’sideaofthebettermentofwellpeople

withRolandGriffiths,heseemedtosquirmabitinhischairandthen

chosehiswordswithcare.“Culturallyrightnow,thatisadangerousidea

topromote.”Andyet,aswe’vetalked,nowoverthecourseofthreeyears,

it’sbecomeclearthathetoofeelsthatmanyofus,andnotjustthose

dealingwithcancerordepressionoraddiction,standtobenefitfrom

theseremarkablemoleculesand,evenmore,fromthespiritual

experiencestowhichhebelieves—indeed,hisresearchhasdemonstrated

—theycanopenadoor.

“We’realldealingwithdeath,”ashetoldmethefirsttimewemet.

“Thisisfartoovaluabletolimittosickpeople.”Acarefulman,mindfulof

thepoliticallandminesthatmayyetlieahead,Griffithsamendedthat

lastsentencejustslightly,recastitinthefuturetense:“Thiswillbefartoo

valuabletolimittosickpeople.”

•••

I,FORONE,sincerelyhopethatthekindsofexperiencesI’vehadon

psychedelicswillnotbelimitedtosickpeopleandwillsomedaybecome

morewidelyavailable.DoesthatmeanIthinkthesedrugsshouldsimply

belegalized?Notexactly.ItistrueIhadaverypositiveexperienceusing

psilocybin“recreationally”—onmyown,thatis,withoutthesupportofa

guide—andforsomepeoplethismightbefine.Butsoonerorlater,it

seems,everyonehasatripforwhich“bad”isfartoopallidamodifier.I

wouldhatetobealonewhenthathappens.Forme,workingone-on-one

withanexperiencedguideinasafeplaceremovedfrommyeverydaylife

turnedouttobetheidealwaytoexplorepsychedelics.Yetthereareother

waystostructurethepsychedelicjourney—toprovideasafecontainerfor

itspotentiallyoverwhelmingenergies.Ayahuascaandpeyotearetypically

usedinagroup,withtheleader,oftenbutnotnecessarilyashaman,

actinginasupervisoryroleandhelpingpeopletonavigateandinterpret

theirexperiences.Butwhetherindividuallyorinagroup,thepresenceof

someonewithtrainingandexperiencewhocan“holdthespace”—touse

thathoaryNewAgelocution—ismoremeaningfulandcomfortingthanI

wouldhaveimagined.

NotonlydidmyguidescreateasettinginwhichIfeltsafeenoughto

surrendertothepsychedelicexperience,buttheyalsohelpedmetomake

senseofitafterward.Justasimportant,theyhelpedmetoseetherewas

somethinghereworthmakingsenseof.Thisisbynomeansself-evident.

Itisalltooeasytodismisswhatunfoldsinourmindsduringa

psychedelicjourneyassimplya“drugexperience,”andthatisprecisely

whatourcultureencouragesustodo.MattJohnsonmadethispointthe

firsttimewespoke:“Let’ssayyouhavesomenineteen-year-oldstaking

mushroomsataparty.Oneofthemhasaprofoundexperience.He’s

cometounderstandwhatGodis,orhisconnectiontotheuniverse.What

dohisfriendssay?‘Oh,man,youhadtoomuchlastnight!Nomore

mushroomsforyou!’

“‘Wereyoudrinkingorondrugs?’iswhatourculturesayswhenyou

haveapowerfulexperience.”

Yetevenamoment’sreflectiontellsyouthatattributingthecontentof

thepsychedelicexperienceto“drugs”explainsvirtuallynothingaboutit.

Theimagesandthenarrativesandtheinsightsdon’tcomefromnowhere,

andtheycertainlydon’tcomefromachemical.Theycomefrominside

ourminds,*andattheveryleasthavesomethingtotellusaboutthat.If

dreamsandfantasiesandfreeassociationsareworthinterpreting,then

surelysoisthemorevividanddetailedmaterialwithwhichthe

psychedelicjourneypresentsus.Itopensanewdooronone’smind.

Andaboutthatmypsychedelicjourneyshavetaughtmeagreatmany

interestingthings.Manyofthesewerethekindsofthingsonemightlearn

inthecourseofpsychotherapy:insightsintoimportantrelationships;the

outlinesoffearsanddesiresordinarilykeptoutofview;repressed

memoriesandemotions;and,perhapsmostinterestinganduseful,anew

perspectiveonhowone’smindworks.

This,Ithink,isthegreatvalueofexploringnon-ordinarystatesof

consciousness:thelighttheyreflectbackontheordinaryones,whichno

longerseemquitesotransparentorsoordinary.Torealize,asWilliam

Jamesconcluded,thatnormalwakingconsciousnessisbutoneofmany

potentialformsofconsciousness—waysofperceivingorconstructingthe

world—separatedfromitbymerely“thefilmiestofscreens,”isto

recognizethatouraccountofreality,whetherinwardoroutward,is

incompleteatbest.Normalwakingconsciousnessmightseemtooffera

faithfulmaptotheterritoryofreality,anditisgoodformanythings,but

itisonlyamap—andnottheonlymap.Astowhytheseothermodesof

consciousnessexist,wecanonlyspeculate.Mostofthetime,itisnormal

wakingconsciousnessthatbestservestheinterestsofsurvival—andis

mostadaptive.Buttherearemomentsinthelifeofanindividualora

communitywhentheimaginativenoveltiesproposedbyalteredstatesof

consciousnessintroduceexactlythesortofvariationthatcansendalife,

oraculture,downanewpath.

Forme,themomentIrecognizedthetenuousnessandrelativityofmy

owndefaultconsciousnesscamethatafternoononFritz’smountaintop,

whenhetaughtmehowtoenteratrancestatebymeansofnothingmore

thanapatternofrapidbreathingandthesoundsofrhythmicdrumming.

Whereintheworldhasthatbeenallmylife?ThisisnothingFreudor

anynumberofpsychologistsandbehavioraleconomistshaven’ttoldus,

buttheideathat“normal”consciousnessisbutthetipofalargeand

largelyunchartedpsychicicebergisnowformesomethingmorethana

theory;thehiddenvastnessofthemindisafeltreality.

Idon’tmeantosuggestIhaveachievedthisstateofego-transcending

awareness,onlytastedit.Theseexperiencesdon’tlast,oratleastthey

didn’tforme.Aftereachofmypsychedelicsessionscameaperiodof

severalweeksinwhichIfeltnoticeablydifferent—morepresenttothe

moment,muchlessinclinedtodwellonwhat’snext.Iwasalsonotably

moreemotionalandsurprisedmyselfonseveraloccasionsbyhowlittleit

tooktomakemetearuporsmile.Ifoundmyselfthinkingaboutthings

likedeathandtimeandinfinity,butlessinangstthaninwonder.(Ispent

anunreasonableamountoftimereflectingonhowimprobableand

fortunateitistobelivinghereandnowatthefrontieroftwoeternitiesof

nonexistence.)Allatonceandunexpectedly,wavesofcompassionor

wonderorpitywouldwashoverme.

ThiswasawayofbeingItreasured,but,alas,everytimeiteventually

faded.It’sdifficultnottoslipbackintothefamiliargroovesofmental

habit;theyaresowellworn;thetidalpullofwhattheBuddhistscallour

“habitenergies”isdifficulttowithstand.Addtothistheexpectationsof

otherpeople,whichsubtlyenforceacertainwayofbeingyourself,no

matterhowmuchyoumightwanttoattemptanother.Afteramonthor

so,itwasprettymuchbacktobaseline.

Butnotquite,notcompletely.FormuchlikethedepressedpatientsI

interviewedinLondon,whodescribedbeingnourishedandeveninspired

bytheirfurloughsfromthecageofdepression,theexperienceofsome

otherwayofbeingintheworldsurvivesinmemory,asapossibilityanda

destination.

Forme,thepsychedelicexperienceopenedadoortoaspecificmodeof

consciousnessthatIcannowoccasionallyrecaptureinmeditation.I’m

speakingofacertaincognitivespacethatopensuplateinatriporinthe

midstofamildone,aspacewhereyoucanentertainallsortsofthoughts

andscenarioswithoutreachingforanykindofresolution.Itsomewhat

resembleshypnagogicconsciousness,thatliminalstateperchedonthe

edgeofsleepwhenallkindsofimagesandscrapsofstorybrieflysurface

beforefloatingaway.Butthisissustained,andwhatcomesupcanbe

clearlyrecalled.Andthoughtheimagesandideasthatappeararenot

underyourdirectcontrol,butratherseemtobearrivinganddepartingof

theirownaccord,youcanlaunchatopicorchangeit,likeachannel.The

egoisnotentirelyabsent—youhaven’tbeenblastedintoparticles,orhave

returnedfromthatparticularstate—butthestreamofconsciousnessis

takingitsowndesultorycourse,andyouarebobbinganddriftingalong

withit,lookingneitherforwardnorback,immersedinthecurrentsof

beingratherthandoing.Andyetacertainkindofmentalworkisgetting

done,andoccasionallyIhaveemergedfromthestatewithusableideas,

images,ormetaphors.*

Mypsychedelicadventuresfamiliarizedmewiththismentalterritory,

and,sometimes,notalways,IfindIcanreturntoitduringmydaily

meditation.Idon’tknowifthisisexactlywhereI’msupposedtobewhen

I’mmeditating,butI’malwayshappytofindmyselffloatinginthis

particularmentalstream.Iwouldneverhavefounditifnotfor

psychedelics.Thisstrikesmeasoneofthegreatgiftsoftheexperience

theyafford:theexpansionofone’srepertoireofconsciousstates.

Justbecausethepsychedelicjourneytakesplaceentirelyinone’smind

doesn’tmeanitisn’treal.Itisanexperienceand,forsomeofus,oneof

themostprofoundapersoncanhave.Assuch,ittakesitsplaceasa

featureinthelandscapeofalife.Itcanserveasareferencepoint,a

guidepost,awellspring,and,forsome,akindofspiritualsignorshrine.

Forme,theexperienceshavebecomelandmarkstocirclearoundand

interrogateformeaning—meaningsaboutmyself,obviously,butalso

abouttheworld.Severaloftheimagesthatappearedinthecourseofmy

tripsIthinkaboutallthetime,hopingtounwrapwhatfeelslikeagiftof

meaning—fromwhereorwhatorwhom,Icannotsay.Therewasthat

steelpylonhoveringoverthelandscapeofself.Ortheimageofmy

grandfather’sskullstaringbackatmeinMary’smirror.Themajesticbut

nowhollowed-outtreesinwhichmyparentsappearedtome,liableto

toppleinthenextwindstorm.OrtheinkywellofYo-YoMa’scello,

resonatingwithBach’swarmembraceofdeath.Butthereisoneother

imageIhaven’tsharedthatIkeepthinkingmustcontainsomeimportant

teaching,evenasitcontinuestomystifyme.

Mylastpsychedelicjourneywasonayahuasca.Iwasinvitedtojoina

circleofwomenwhogathereverythreeorfourmonthstoworkwitha

legendaryguide,awomaninhereightieswhohadtrainedunderLeoZeff.

(SheinturnhadtrainedMary,thewomanwhoguidedmypsilocybin

journey.)Thisjourneywasdifferentfromtheothersinthatittookplace

inthecompanyofadozenothertravelers,allofthemstrangerstome.

Befittingthisparticularpsychedelic,whichisateabrewedfromtwo

Amazonianplants(oneavine,theotheraleaf),therewasaconsiderable

amountofceremonyintheshamanicmode:thesingingoftraditional

icaros,prayersandinvocationsto“thegrandmother”(a.k.a.the“plant

teacher”orayahuasca),bellsandrattlesandshakapas,andtheblowing

onusofvariousscentsandsmokes.Allofwhichcontributedtoamoodof

deepmysteryandasuspensionofdisbeliefthatwasespeciallywelcome,

inasmuchaswewereinayogastudioalongwayfromanyjungle.

Ashasbeenthecasewithallofmyjourneys,thenightbeforehadbeen

sleepless,aspartofmeworkedtoconvincetherestofmenottodothis

crazything.Thatpartwasofcoursemyego,whichbeforeeverytriphas

foughtthethreattoitsintegritywithferocityandingenuity,planting

doubtsandscenariosofdisasterIhadtroublebattingaway.Whatabout

yourheart,pal?Youcoulddie!Whatifyouloseyourlunchor,even

worse,yourshit?!Andwhatif“thegrandmother”dredgesupsome

childhoodtrauma?Doyoureallywanttoloseitamongthesestrangers?

Thesewomen?(Partofthepoweroftheegoflowsfromitscommandof

one’srationalfaculties.)BythetimeIarrivedforthecircle,Iwasa

nervouswreck,assailedbysecondandthirdthoughtsastothewisdomof

whatIwasabouttodo.

But,ashashappenedeverytime,assoonasIswallowedthemedicine

andslippedpastthepointofnoreturn,thevoiceofdoubtwentquietand

Isurrenderedtowhateverwasinstore.Whichwasnotunlikemyother

psychedelicexperiences,withacoupleofnotableexceptions.Perhaps

becausethetea,whichwasviscousandacridandunexpectedlysweet,

makesitsalienpresencefeltinyourstomachandintestines,ayahuascais

amorebodilyexperiencethansomeotherpsychedelics.Ididnotgetsick,

butIwasverymuchawareofthethickbrewmovingthroughmeand,as

theeffectoftheDMT(ayahuasca’sactiveingredient)cameon,imagined

itasavinewindingitswaythroughthecurlsandconvolutionsofmy

intestines,occupyingmybodybeforeslowlyworkingitssnakelikewayup

toandintomyhead.

Therefollowedagreatmanymemoriesandimages,somehorrifying,

othersmagnificent,butIwanttodescribeoneinparticularbecause,

althoughIdon’tcompletelyunderstandit,itcapturessomethingthat

psychedelicshavetaughtme,somethingimportant.

Becausetherewasstillsomelightintheroomwhentheceremony

began,wewereallwearingeyemasks,andminefeltalittletightaround

myhead.Earlyinthejourney,Ibecameawareoftheblackstrapscircling

myskull,andthesemorphedintobars.Myheadwascagedinsteel.The

barsthenbegantomultiply,movingdownfrommyheadtoencirclemy

torsoandthenmylegs.Iwasnowtrappedheadtotoeinablacksteel

cage.Ipressedagainstthebars,buttheywereunyielding.Therewasno

wayout.PanicwasbuildingwhenInoticedthegreentipofavineatthe

baseofthecage.Itwasgrowingsteadilyupwardandthenturning,

sinuously,toslipoutbetweentwoofthebars,freeingitselfandatthe

sametimereachingtowardthelight.“Aplantcan’tbecaged,”Iheard

myselfthinking.“Onlyananimalcanbecaged.”

Ican’ttellyouwhatthismeans,ifanything.Wastheplantshowingme

awayout?Perhaps,butit’snotasifIcouldactuallyfollowit;Iaman

animal,afterall.Yetitseemedtheplantwastryingtoteachme

something,thatitwasproposingakindofvisualkoanformetounpack,

andIhavebeenturningitoverinmymindeversince.Maybeitwasa

lessonaboutthefollyofapproachinganobstaclehead-on,that

sometimestheanswerisnottheapplicationofforcebutratherchanging

thetermsoftheprobleminsuchawaythatitlosesitsdominionwithout

actuallycrumbling.Itfeltlikesomekindofjujitsu.Becausethevine

wasn’tjustescapingtheconfinesofthecage,itwasusingthestructureto

improveitssituation,climbinghighertogathermorelightforitself.

Ormaybethelessonwasmoreuniversal,somethingaboutplants

themselvesandhowweunderestimatethem.Myplantteacher,asIbegan

tothinkofthevine,wastryingtotellmesomethingaboutitselfandthe

greenkingdomitrepresents,akingdomthathasalwaysfiguredlargelyin

myworkandmyimagination.ThatplantsareintelligentIhavebelieved

foralongtime—notnecessarilyinthewaywethinkofintelligence,butin

awayappropriatetothemselves.Wecandomanythingsplantscan’t,yet

theycandoallsortsofthingswecan’t—escapingfromsteelcages,for

example,oreatingsunlight.Ifyoudefineintelligenceastheabilityto

solvethenovelproblemsrealitythrowsattheliving,plantssurelyhaveit.

Theyalsopossessagency,anawarenessoftheirenvironment,andakind

ofsubjectivity—asetofintereststheypursueandsoapointofview.But

thoughtheseareallideasIhavelongbelievedandamhappytodefend,

neverbeforehaveIfeltthemtobetrue,tobeasdeeplyrootedasIdid

aftermypsychedelicjourneys.

Theun-cageablevineremindedmeofthatfirstpsilocybintrip,whenI

felttheleavesandplantsinthegardenreturningmygaze.Oneofthegifts

ofpsychedelicsisthewaytheyreanimatetheworld,asiftheywere

distributingtheblessingsofconsciousnessmorewidelyandevenlyover

thelandscape,intheprocessbreakingthehumanmonopolyon

subjectivitythatwemodernstakeasagiven.Tous,wearetheworld’s

onlyconscioussubjects,withtherestofcreationmadeupofobjects;to

themoreegotisticalamongus,evenotherpeoplecountasobjects.

Psychedelicconsciousnessoverturnsthatview,bygrantingusawider,

moregenerouslensthroughwhichwecanglimpsethesubject-hood—the

spirit!—ofeverything,animal,vegetable,evenmineral,allofitnow

somehowreturningourgaze.Spirits,itseems,areeverywhere.Newrays

ofrelationappearbetweenusandalltheworld’sOthers.

Eveninthecaseoftheminerals,modernphysics(forgetpsychedelics!)

givesusreasontowonderifperhapssomeformofconsciousnessmight

notfigureintheconstructionofreality.Quantummechanicsholdsthat

mattermaynotbeasinnocentofmindasthematerialistwouldhaveus

believe.Forexample,asubatomicparticlecanexistsimultaneouslyin

multiplelocations,ispurepossibility,untilitismeasured—thatis,

perceivedbyamind.Onlythenandnotamomentsoonerdoesitdrop

intorealityasweknowit:acquirefixedcoordinatesintimeandspace.

Theimplicationhereisthatmattermightnotexistassuchintheabsence

ofaperceivingsubject.Needlesstosay,thisraisessometrickyquestions

foramaterialistunderstandingofconsciousness.Thegroundunderfoot

maybemuchlesssolidthanwethink.

Thisistheviewofquantumphysics,notsomepsychonaut—thoughit

isaverypsychedelictheory.Imentionitonlybecauseitlendssomeofthe

authorityofsciencetospeculationsthatwouldotherwisesoundutterly

lunatic.Istilltendtothinkthatconsciousnessmustbeconfinedto

brains,butIamlesscertainofthisbeliefnowthanIwasbeforeI

embarkedonthisjourney.Maybeittoohasslippedoutfrombetweenthe

barsofthatcage.Mysteriesabide.ButthisIcansaywithcertainty:the

mindisvaster,andtheworldeversomuchmorealive,thanIknewwhen

Ibegan.

Glossary

activeplacebo:Atypeofplacebousedindrugtrialstofoolthevolunteerintothinkinghehas

receivedthepsychoactivedrugbeingtested.Inthepsilocybintrials,researchershaveusedniacin,

whichproducesatinglingsensation,andmethylphenidate(Ritalin),whichisastimulant.

ayahuasca:ApsychedelicteamadefromacombinationofplantsnativetotheAmazonbasin,

typicallyBanisteriopsiscaapiandPsychotriaviridis(orchacruna),andusedsacramentallyby

indigenouspeoplesofSouthAmerica.Thechacrunaplantcontainsthepsychedeliccompound

DMT(N,N-dimethyltryptamine),butitisdeactivatedbydigestiveenzymesunlessitisingested

withamonoamineoxidaseinhibitorsuchasBanisteriopsis.In2006,theU.S.SupremeCourt

affirmedtherightoftheBrazil-basedUDVChurchtouseayahuascaasasacrament.

BeckleyFoundation:TheorganizationestablishedbyAmandaFeildinginEnglandin1998to

supportresearchintopsychedelicsandadvocateinternationallyforthereformofdruglaws.The

organizationisnamedforFeilding’sancestralestateinOxfordshire(BeckleyFoundation.org).

CouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP):AnonprofitorganizationestablishedbyBobJessein1993

and“dedicatedtomakingdirectexperienceofthesacredmoreavailabletomorepeople.”CSP

helpedorganizeandfundthefirstexperimentsinpsychedelicresearchatJohnsHopkins;CSP

alsosupportedthesuitthatresultedinthe2006SupremeCourtdecisionrecognizingayahuasca

asasacramentintheUDVChurch.In1995,CSPdevelopedandpublishedthe“CodeofEthicsfor

SpiritualGuides”thatmanyundergroundpsychedelicguideshaveadopted(csp.org).

defaultmodenetwork(DMN):Asetofinteractingbrainstructuresfirstdescribedin2001bythe

WashingtonUniversityneuroscientistMarcusRaichle.Thedefaultmodenetwork,calledthat

becauseitismostactivewhenthebrainisinarestingstate,linkspartsofthecerebralcortexwith

deeperandevolutionarilyolderstructuresofthebraininvolvedinemotionandmemory.(Itskey

structuresinclude,andlink,theposteriorcingulatecortex,themedialprefrontalcortex,andthe

hippocampus.)NeuroimagingstudiessuggestthattheDMNisinvolvedinsuchhigher-order

“metacognitive”activitiesasself-reflection,mentalprojection,timetravel,andtheoryofmind—

theabilitytoattributementalstatestoothers.ActivityintheDMNfallsduringthepsychedelic

experiences,andwhenitfallsmostprecipitouslyvolunteersoftenreportadissolutionoftheir

senseofself.

DMT(orN,N-dimethyltryptamine):Arapid-onset,intense,andshort-actingpsychedelic

compoundsometimesreferredtoas“thebusinessman’strip.”Thistryptaminemoleculeisfound

inmanyplantsandanimalsforreasonsnotwellunderstood.

empathogen:Apsychoactivedrugthatproducesaheightenedsenseofconnectedness,emotional

openness,andcompassion.MDMA,orEcstasy,issuchadrug.Alsosometimescalledan

entactogen.

entheogen:FromtheGreek,“generatingthedivinewithin.”Apsychoactivesubstancethat

producesorfacilitatesaspiritualexperience.Entheogenshavebeenusedbymanyculturesfor

thousandsofyears,whetherbyshamansoraspartofreligiousorspiritualpractices.However,the

termwasnotcoineduntilthe1970s,byagroupofscholarsthatincludedR.GordonWasson,

RichardEvansSchultes,JonathanOtt,andCarlRuck.Thewordwasintendedtohelprehabilitate

psychedelicsbydistinguishingtheirancientspiritualrolefromtherecreationalusestowhichthey

wereoftenputbeginninginthe1960s.

Esalen,ortheEsalenInstitute:AretreatcenterinBigSur,California,foundedin1962to

explorethevariousmethodsforexpandingconsciousnessthatoftengoundertheumbrellaofthe

humanpotentialmovement.Esalenwascloselyidentifiedwiththepsychedelicmovementbefore

thedrugswerebanned;intheyearsafterward,aseriesofmeetingstookplaceatEsalen,where

strategiestorehabilitateandrestartresearchintopsychedelicsweredeveloped.Manypsychedelic

guidesnowworkingundergroundreceivedtheirtrainingatEsalen.

5-HT

receptor:Oneofseveraltypesofreceptorsinthebrainthatrespondtothe

neurotransmitterserotonin.Psychedeliccompoundsalsobindtothisreceptor,precipitatinga

cascadeof(poorlyunderstood)eventsthatproducethepsychedelicexperience.Becauseofits

distinctivemolecularshape,LSDbindsparticularlywelltothe5-HT

receptor.Inaddition,a

portionofthereceptorfoldsovertheLSDmoleculeandholdsitinsidethereceptor,whichmight

explainitsintensityandlongdurationofaction.

5-MeO-DMT(5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine):Apowerful,short-actingpsychedelic

compoundfoundincertainSouthAmericanplantsandinthevenomoftheSonorandeserttoad

(Inciliusalvarius).Thetoadvenomistypicallyvaporizedandsmoked;5-MeO-DMTobtained

fromplantsisusuallymadeintoasnuff.ThecompoundhasbeenusedsacramentallyinSouth

Americaformanyyears;itwasfirstsynthesizedin1936andwasnotmadeillegaluntil2011.

hallucinogen:Theclassofpsychoactivedrugsthatinducehallucinations,includingthe

psychedelics,thedissociatives,andthedeliriants.Thetermisoftenusedasasynonymfor

psychedelics,eventhoughpsychedelicsdon’tnecessarilyproducefull-fledgedhallucinations.

HarvardPsilocybinProject:ThepsychologicalresearchprogramestablishedbyTimothyLeary

andRichardAlpert(laterRamDass)intheDepartmentofSocialRelationsatHarvardin1960.

Theresearchers(whoincludedRalphMetzner,agraduatestudent)administeredpsilocybinto

hundredsofvolunteers“inanaturalisticsetting”;theyalsoconductedexperimentswithprisoners

atConcordStatePrisonandwiththeologystudentsatBostonUniversity’sMarshChapel.Later,

thegroupbeganworkingwithLSD.Theprojectwasengulfedincontroversyin1962andclosed

downafterithadbeenreportedthatAlperthadgivenpsilocybintoanundergraduate,inviolation

ofitsagreementwithHarvard.LearyandAlpertestablishedasuccessororganizationin

CambridgebutoutsideHarvard,calledtheInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom.

HeffterResearchInstitute:Anonprofitestablishedin1993byDavidE.Nichols,achemistand

pharmacologistatPurdueUniversity,withseveralcolleagues,tosupportscientificresearchinto

psychedeliccompounds.TheinstitutewasnamedforArthurHeffter,theGermanchemist,

pharmacologist,andphysicianwhofirstidentifiedmescalineasthepsychoactivecomponentof

thepeyotecactusinthelate1890s.Establishedatatimewhenpsychedelicresearchhadbeen

dormantfortwodecades,theHeffterInstitutehasplayedapivotal,butquiet,roleintherevivalof

thatresearch,helpingtofundmostofthepsilocybintrialsdoneinAmericasincethelate1990s,

includingtheworkatHopkinsandNYU(Heffter.org).

holotropicbreathwork:Abreathingexercisedevelopedinthemid1970sbythepsychedelic

therapistStanislavGrof,andhiswife,Christina,afterLSDwasmadeillegal.Bybreathingrapidly

andexhalingdeeply,nearlytothepointofhyperventilation,subjectsenteranalteredstateof

consciousnesswithouttheuseofadrug.Thistrancelikestatecangiveaccesstosubconscious

material.“Holotropic”means“movingtowardwholeness.”

LSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide):Alsoknownasacid,thispsychedeliccompoundwasfirst

synthesizedin1938byAlbertHofmann,aSwisschemistatSandozwhowassearchingforadrug

tostimulatecirculation.LSDwasthetwenty-fifthmoleculethatHofmannhadderivedfromthe

alkaloidsproducedbyergot,afungusthatinfectsgrain.Hofmannshelvedthecompoundwhenit

provedineffectiveasamedicine,butfiveyearslaterapremonitionledhimtoresynthesizeit.After

accidentallyingestingasmallquantityofLSD,hediscovereditspowerfulpsychoactiveproperties.

In1947,SandozbeganmarketingLSDasapsychiatricdrugunderthenameDelysid.Itwas

withdrawnfromcirculationin1966afterthedrugappearedontheblackmarket.

MAPS(MultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies):Thenonprofitmembership

organizationfoundedin1986byRickDoblintoincreasepublicunderstandingofpsychedelicsand

supportscientificresearchintotheirtherapeuticapplications.BasedinSantaCruz,California,

MAPShasfocuseditseffortsonMDMA,orEcstasy,asatherapeuticinterventionforpeople

sufferingfromPTSD.In2016,itwonFDAapprovaltoconductphase3trialsofMDMAinthe

treatmentofPTSD;in2017,theFDAdesignatedMDMAasa“breakthroughtherapy”forPTSD,

clearingthewayforanexpeditedreview.Doblin,andMAPS,haveplayedacentralroleinthe

revivalofpsychedelicresearch.MAPSalsosponsorsPsychedelicScience,theinternational

conferenceonpsychedelicresearchthattakesplaceinNorthernCaliforniaeveryfewyears.

MDMA(3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine):Apsychoactivecompoundfirstsynthesizedby

Merckin1912butnevermarketed.AfterthecompoundwasresynthesizedbytheBayArea

chemistAlexander“Sasha”Shulgininthe1970s,itbecameapopularadjuncttopsychotherapy,

becauseits“empathogenic”qualitieshelpedpatientsformastrongbondoftrustwiththeir

therapists.Inthe1980s,thedrugshowedupintheravescene,whereitwassoldunderthename

ofEcstasy(orEorlaterMolly);in1986,theU.S.governmentputMDMAonschedule1,declaring

itadrugofabusewithnoacceptedmedicaluse.However,recentdrugtrialssponsoredbyMAPS

havedemonstratedMDMA’svalueintreatingPTSD.MDMAisnotconsidereda“classical

psychedelic,”becauseitappearstooperateondifferentbrainpathwaysfromLSDorpsilocybin.

mescaline:Apsychedeliccompoundderivedfromseveralcacti,includingpeyoteandSanPedro.

ThecompoundwasfirstidentifiedandnamedbytheGermanchemistArthurHeffterin1897.The

DoorsofPerceptionisafirst-personaccountofAldousHuxley’sfirstmescalineexperience.

microdosing:Thepracticeofingestingasmall,“subperceptual”doseofapsychedelic,usually

LSDorpsilocybin,everyfewdaysasanaidtomentalhealthormentalperformance.Acommon

protocolistotaketenmicrogramsofLSD(atenthofamediumdose)everyfourthday.The

practiceisfairlynew,andasyettheevidenceforitseffectivenessisanecdotal.Severaltrialsare

underway.

MK-Ultra:Thecodenameforanundercoverresearchprogramonpsychedelicdrugsconductedby

theCIAbeginningin1953;itwascloseddownin1963or1964.Atvarioustimes,theCIAsoughtto

determinewhetherLSDandrelatedcompoundscouldbeusedasameansofmindcontrol;an

interrogationtool(ortruthserum);abiologicalweapon(addedtoapopulation’swatersupply);or

apoliticaltool(bydosingadversariestogetthemtodofoolishthings).Aspartoftheresearch

program,whichattimesinvolvedforty-fouruniversitiesandcolleges,civiliansandmilitary

personnelweredosedwithouttheirknowledge,sometimeswithdisastrousconsequences.The

publicfirstlearnedaboutMK-UltraduringtheChurchCommitteehearingsontheCIAheldin

1975;furtherhearingsontheprogramwereheldin1977.However,mostoftheagency’s

documentsontheprogramhadbeendestroyedin1973onordersfromdirectorRichardHelms.

MysticalExperienceQuestionnaire:Thepsychologicalsurvey,developedbyWalterPahnkeand

WilliamRichardsinthe1960s,usedtoassesswhetheravolunteerinatrialofapsychedelicdrug

hasundergoneamystical-typeexperience.Itseekstomeasure,onascaleofonetofive,seven

attributesofamysticalexperience:internalunity;externalunity;transcendenceoftimeand

space;ineffabilityandparadoxicality;asenseofsacredness;thenoeticquality;andadeeplyfelt

positivemood.SeveralrevisedversionsoftheMEQhavesincebeendeveloped.

noeticquality:AtermintroducedbyWilliamJames,anAmericanpsychologist,todenotethefact

thatthemysticalstateregistersnotonlyasafeelingbutasastateofknowledge.Peopleemerge

withtheenduringconvictionthatimportanttruthshavebeenrevealedtothem.Thenoeticquality

was,forJames,oneofthefourmarksofthemysticalexperience,alongwithineffability,

transiency,andpassivity.

phenethylamines:Aclassoforganicmolecule,andthenameforoneofthetwoprincipaltypesof

psychedeliccompounds;theotheristhetryptamines.MescalineandMDMAareexamplesof

phenethylamines.

psilocin:Oneofthetwoprincipalpsychoactivecompoundsfoundinpsilocybinmushrooms.The

otherispsilocybin,whichbreaksdowntopsilocinundercertainconditions.Bothcompounds

wereisolated(frommushroomsprovidedbyR.GordonWasson)andnamedbyAlbertHofmann

in1958.Psilociniswhatgivespsilocybinmushroomstheirbluishtintwhenbruised.

Psilocybe:Agenusofapproximatelytwohundredgilledmushrooms,roughlyhalfofwhich

producepsychoactivecompoundssuchaspsilocybinandpsilocin.Psilocybesaredistributed

throughouttheworld.Theirpossessionisillegalinmostjurisdictions.Thebest-knownmembers

ofthegenusarePsilocybecubensis,Psilocybecyanescens,Psilocybesemilanceata,andPsilocybe

azurescens.

psilocybin:Themainpsychoactivecompoundfoundinpsilocybinmushroomsandashorthand

fortheclassofmushroomsthatcontainit.

psychedelic:FromtheGreekfor“mindmanifesting.”Thetermwascoinedin1956byHumphry

OsmondtodescribedrugslikeLSDandpsilocybinthatproduceradicalchangesinconsciousness.

psycholytic:Atermcoinedinthe1960sforadrug,ordoseofadrug,thatloosensconstraintson

themind,allowingsubconsciousmaterialtoenterone’sawareness.Alsothenameforaformof

psychotherapythatuseslowdosesofpsychedelicstorelaxthepatient’segowithoutobliteratingit.

psychotomimetic:Thenameforadrugthatproduceseffectsresemblingpsychosis.Thiswasa

commontermforLSDanddrugslikeitwhentheywerefirstintroducedtopsychiatryinthe

1950s;researchersbelievedtheyproducedtemporarypsychosesthatwouldyieldinsightsintothe

natureofmentalillnessandgivetherapiststheopportunitytoexperiencemadnessfirsthand.

reducingvalve:ThetermusedbyAldousHuxleyinTheDoorsofPerceptionforthementalfilter

thatadmitstoourawarenessonlya“measlytrickleofthekindofconsciousness”weneedto

survive.Inhisview,thevalueofpsychedelicswastoopenthereducingvalve,givingusaccessto

thefullnessofexperienceandtheuniversal“MindatLarge.”

setandsetting:Theinnerandouterenvironmentsinwhichadrugexperiencetakesplace;“set”

isatermforthemind-setandexpectationsthepersonbringstotheexperience,and“setting”is

theoutwardcircumstancesinwhichittakesplace.Setandsettingareparticularlyinfluentialin

thecaseofpsychedelics.ThetermsareusuallycreditedtoTimothyLeary,buttheconceptwas

recognizedandmadeuseofbyearlierresearcherssuchasAlHubbard.

tryptamine:Aclassoforganicmoleculecommoninnature,andthenameforoneofthetwo

principaltypesofpsychedeliccompounds;theotheristhephenethylamines.LSD,psilocybin,and

DMTaretryptamines.Theneurotransmitterserotoninisalsoatryptamine.

Acknowledgments

CHANGINGONE’SMIND,orone’ssubjectasawriter,isnevereasy,andthis

bookwouldneverhavebeenventured,muchlesscompleted,ifnotforthe

supportandencouragementofthepeoplearoundme.AnnGodoff,my

bookeditorforgoingonfourdecadesnow,didn’tblinkorblanchwhenI

toldherIwantedtowriteabookaboutpsychedelics;herenthusiasmand

sure-footededitorialguidancethroughthis,oureighthbooktogether,has

beenablessing.AmandaUrban,too,abettedthisadventureinsomany

ways;mycareer-longdebttoherisincalculable.Thanks,too,tothe

superbteamsintheirrespectiveoffices:SarahHutson,CaseyDenis,and

KarenMayer,atPenguin;and,atICM,LizFarrell,MarisDyer,Daisy

Meyrick,MollyAtlas,andRonBernstein.

Thebestthingaboutbeingajournalistisgettingpaidtolearnwhole

newsubjectsasanadult.Yetthepursuitofsuchacontinuingeducation

wouldbeimpossiblewithouttheforbearanceofthepeopleweasktobe

ourteachers.I’mgratefultoeveryone—thescientists,thevolunteers,the

patients,thetherapists,andtheadvocates—whoenduredthemultiple,

lengthyinterviewsandallthedumbquestions.SpecialthankstoBob

Jesse,RolandGriffiths,MatthewJohnson,MaryCosimano,BillRichards,

KatherineMacLean,RickDoblin,PaulStamets,JamesFadiman,Stephen

Ross,TonyBossis,JeffreyGuss,GeorgeGoldsmith,Ekaterina

Malievskaia,CharlesGrob,TeriKrebs,RobinCarhart-Harris,DavidNutt,

DavidNichols,GeorgeSarlo,VickyDulai,JudsonBrewer,BiaLabate,

GaborMaté,LisaCallaghan,andAndrewWeil.ThoughnoteveryoneI

interviewedisquotedherebyname,allwereexcellentteachers,andIam

deeplygratefulforyourpatiencewithmyquestionsandgenerositywith

youranswers.Severalpeopletooksubstantialrisksinsharingtheir

storieswithme;althoughIcan’tthankthempublicly,Ioweatremendous

debttothemanyundergroundguideswhogavesofreelyoftheirtime,

theirexperience,andtheirwisdom.Itisashamethatatleastfornow

theirhealingpracticedependsonactsofcivildisobedience.

IspentaproductiveandpleasurableyearasafellowoftheRadcliffe

InstituteforAdvancedStudyatHarvard,whichgavemetheopportunity

toresearchandwritethehistoryofpsychedelicresearchinthecitywhere

animportantchapterofittookplace.Theinstituteofferedtheperfect

environmentforpursuingaprojectthattouchesonsomanydifferent

disciplines:Ionlyhadtowalkdownthehalltoconsultabrainscientist,a

biologist,ananthropologist,andaninvestigativereporter.Whileat

Radcliffe,Iwasblessedtoworkwithadoggedundergraduateresearch

assistantwhohelpedmenavigatetheHarvardarchivesandturnedup

onehiddengemafteranother:thankyou,TeddyDelwiche.Ialsoowea

debttoEdWasserman,mydeanattheGraduateSchoolofJournalismat

Berkeley,forgrantingmetimeofffromteachingsothatIcouldgoto

Cambridgeand,later,completethebook.

BackinBerkeley,BridgetHuberdidbrilliantwork,firstasaresearch

assistantandthenasafact-checker;thatthisisthemostthoroughly

sourcedofmybooksowesentirelytoherdiligenceandskill.Severalof

mycolleaguesatBerkeleycontributedhugelytomyeducationin

neuroscienceandpsychology:DavidPresti,DacherKeltner,andAlison

Gopnikenrichedthisbookinmorewaysthantheyrealizeand,inthecase

ofDavidandhispartner,KristiPanik,whoreadadraftofthe

neurosciencechapter,savedmefromerrorslargeandsmall.(Though

theybearnoresponsibilityforanyerrorsthatmayremain.)Mark

Edmundsonsuppliedsomecrucialearlyadvicethathelpedshapethe

narrative,andMarkDannerwas,asever,aninvaluablesoundingboard

onourwalksatInspirationPoint.Icountmyselfespeciallyluckytobe

closefriendswithaneditorasastuteandgenerousasGerryMarzorati;

hiscommentsonthemanuscriptwereinvaluableandsavedyou,dear

reader,fromhavingtoreadseveralthousandunnecessarywords.

Myfirstforayintothesubjectofpsychedelicscameina2015piecein

theNewYorker,“TheTripTreatment”;thankstoAlanBurdick,thegifted

editorwhoassignedit,andDavidRemnick,forseeingitfittopublish;the

pieceopenedallsortsofdoors.

Forcrucialresearchassistancealongtheway,aswellastheir

indispensableonlinelibrary,I’mdeeplygratefultoEarthandFire,the

proprietorsofErowid,whichisthesinglemostimportantresourceon

psychedelicsthereis.Checkitout.

Fortheirwise,helpful,andreassuringlegalcounsel,I’mgratefultomy

dearfriendHowardSobelandhiscolleagueMarvinPutnamatLatham&

Watkins.Isleepmuchbetterknowingtheyhavemyback.

Alongbookprojecthasawayofinflectingtheemotionalweatherina

family,thisoneperhapsmorethanmost.Isaac,ithasmeanttheworldto

metobeabletotalkthroughmyjourneyswithyou;Ialwayscomeaway

fromourconversationswithsomethingsmart,useful,andunexpected.

Yoursupport,curiosity,andencouragementhavemadeallthedifference.

WhenIembarkedonthislong,strangetrip,Judithwonderedwhatit

mightmeanforourthirty-year-pluscollaboration.WouldIreturn

somehowchanged?NeverwouldIhaveimaginedthatafterallthattime

anythingcouldbringusclosertogether,butthereitis.Thankyoufor

pushingmetoattemptsomethingnew,forthesearchingquestionsand

insightsalongtheway,forthecloseeditingofeverychapter—and,most

ofall,forgoingwithmeonthejourney.

Notes
PROLOGUEANEWDOOR
Thefirstofthesemolecules:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,40–47.
Thesecondmolecule:WassonandWasson,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,vol.2.
afifteen-pageaccount:Wasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
LSDscrambledyourchromosomes:Cohen,Hirschhorn,andFrosch,“InVivoandInVitro
ChromosomalDamageInducedbyLSD-25.”
Inthespringof2010:Tierney,“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain.”
Forapeer-reviewedscientificpaper:Griffithsetal.,“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
ExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance.”
emergencyroomadmissionsinvolvingpsychedelics:JohansenandKrebs,“PsychedelicsNotLinked
toMentalHealthProblemsorSuicidalBehavior.”
nearlyathousandvolunteers:PersonalcorrespondencewithMatthewW.Johnson,PhD.
theterm“psychedelics”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1–2.
CHAPTERONEARENAISSANCE
Enteringhissecondcentury:Langlitz,Neuropsychedelia,24–26.
“theonlyjoyousinvention”:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,184–85.
Asayoungchemist:Ibid.,36–45.
Andthereitremainedforfiveyears:Ibid.,46–47.
Nowunfoldstheworld’sfirstbadacidtrip:Ibid.,48–49.
“Myegowassuspended”:QuotedinNichols,“LSD.”
“everythingglistenedandsparkled”:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,51.
“intheedificeofmaterialistrationality”:JonathanOttintranslator’sprefacetoibid.,25.
“thefeelingofco-creatureliness”:Langlitz,Neuropsychedelia,25–26.
Thesecondwatershedeventof2006:Gonzalesv.OCentroEspiritaBeneficenteUniaodoVegetal.
“majortherapeuticpossibilities”:Kleber,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
Experiences,”292.
“hopethatthislandmarkpaper”:Schuster,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-
TypeExperiences,”289.
“that,whenusedappropriately”:Nichols,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
Experiences,”284.
“freeoneselfofthebounds”:Wit,“TowardsaScienceofSpiritualExperience.”
thenoeticquality:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,370.
“Dreamscannotstandthistest”:Ibid.,389.
morethanathousandscientificpapers:See,forexample,GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugs
Reconsidered,192.

aPhDdissertationatHarvard:WalterPahnke’sthesis,“DrugsandMysticism:AnAnalysisofthe
RelationshipBetweenPsychedelicDrugsandtheMysticalConsciousness,”isavailableinPDF
format
http://www.maps.org/images/pdf/books/pahnke/walter_pahnke_drugs_and_mysticism.pdf.
“UntiltheGoodFridayExperiment”:HustonSmith,HustonSmithReader,73.
afollow-upstudyoftheGoodFridayExperiment:Doblin,“Pahnke’s‘GoodFridayExperiment.’”
asecondreview:Doblin,“Dr.Leary’sConcordPrisonExperiment.”
“wouldbeforpsychiatry”:QuotedinNutt,“BraveNewWorldforPsychology?,”658.
thefirstmoderntrialofpsilocybin:Grobetal.,“PilotStudyofPsilocybinTreatmentforAnxietyin
PatientswithAdvanced-StageCancer.”
Aninternalmemo:AcacheofdeclassifiedCIAfilesrelatedtoProjectArtichokeisavailableat
http://www.paperlessarchives.com/FreeTitles/ARTICHOKECIAFiles.pdf.
“myownconstitutionshutsmeout”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,369.
“Thesubjectofitimmediatelysays”:Ibid.,370.
“Mysticalstatesseemtothosewhoexperiencethem”:Ibid.
“thatdeepenedsenseofthesignificance”:Ibid.,372.
“andfromonerecurrencetoanother”:Ibid.,371.
“Themysticfeelsasifhisownwill”:Ibid.
ledtolastingchangesintheirpersonalities:MacLeanetal.,“MysticalExperiencesOccasionedbythe
HallucinogenPsilocybinLeadtoIncreasesinthePersonalityDomainofOpenness.”
“Doctorsencounterthisstrange”:McHugh,reviewofTheHarvardPsychedelicClub,byDonLattin.
“authoritativeovertheindividuals”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,415.
“Theexistenceofmysticalstates”:Ibid.,419.
“might,inspiteofalltheperplexity”:Ibid.,420.
“ascend[s]toamoreenvelopingpointofview”:Ibid.
“Itisasiftheoppositesoftheworld”:Ibid.,378.
apilotstudyinsmokingcessation:Johnsonetal.,“PilotStudyofthe5-HT
2AR
AgonistPsilocybinin
theTreatmentofTobaccoAddiction.”
CHAPTERTWONATURALHISTORY:BEMUSHROOMED
Themyceliainaforest:Simardetal.,“NetTransferofCarbonBetweenEctomycorrhizalTree
SpeciesintheField.”
Humanshavebeenusingpsilocybinmushrooms:Stamets,PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld,11.
“Psilocybemushroomsandcivilization”:Ibid.,16.
“Mistakesinmushroomidentificationcanbelethal”:Ibid.,30–32.
“TheStametsianRule”:Ibid.,53.
hadpersonalknowledgeofpsychedelicdrugs:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,71.
“throughtheeyesofahappyandgiftedchild”:Siff,AcidHype,93.
Lifegavehimagenerouscontract:Ibid.,80.
“descriptionofyourownsensations”:Ibid.,73.
acirculationof5.7million:Ibid.
“SeekingtheMagicMushroom”:AllquotationsappearinWasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
“Thesetheyatebeforedawn”:WassonandWasson,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,223.
“thedevilthattheyworshipped”:Davis,OneRiver,95.
“anactofsuperstitioncondemned”:Siff,AcidHype,69.
“carryyoutherewheregodis”:Wasson,Hofmann,andRuck,RoadtoEleusis,33.
OnthenightofJune29–30,1955:Wasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
“BeforeWassonnobodytookthemushrooms”:Estrada,MaríaSabina,73.
“TofindGod,Sabina”:Letcher,Shroom,104.

PersontoPerson:Siff,AcidHype,80.
severalothermagazines:Ibid.,83.
Anexhibitiononmagicmushrooms:Ibid.,74.
Hofmannisolatedandnamed:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,128.
“Thirtyminutesaftermytaking”:Ibid.,126.
In1962,HofmannjoinedWasson:Ibid.,139–52.
“unleash[ing]onlovelyHuautla”:Wasson,“Drugs,”21.
“Fromthemomenttheforeignersarrived”:Estrada,MaríaSabina,90–91.
youcanfindhimonYouTube:Thevideo,TheStonedApeTheory,byTerenceMcKenna,isat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOtLJwK7kdk.
“accesstorealmsofsupernaturalpower”:McKenna,FoodoftheGods,26.
“catalyzedtheemergenceofhumanself-reflection”:Ibid.,24.
“broughtusoutoftheanimalmind”:SeeMcKenna’stalkonYouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOtLJwK7kdk.
Samorinicallsthisa“depatterningfactor”:Samorini,AnimalsandPsychedelics,84–88.
“Natureeverywherespeakstoman”:Wulf,InventionofNature,54.
“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature”:Ibid.,128.
“Everything,”Humboldtsaid,“isinteractionandreciprocal”:Ibid.,59.
“Naturealwayswearsthecolors”:Emerson,Nature,14.
anotherformofconsciousness“partedfrom[us]”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,377.
aspiritually“realizedbeing”:HustonSmith,CleansingtheDoorsofPerception,76.
“forbid[s]aprematureclosing”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,378.
CHAPTERTHREEHISTORY:THEFIRSTWAVE
Whenthefederalauthorities:Leary,Flashbacks,232–42.
Learywascalledbeforeacommittee:Greenfield,TimothyLeary,267–72.
“DrearySenatehearingandcourtrooms”:Leary,Flashbacks,251–52.
“atantalizingsenseofportentousness”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”91.
“entertheillnessandseewithamadman’seyes”:Osmond,“OnBeingMad.”
IntheyearsfollowingWorldWarII:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,17.
thetworesearchersbegantoexplore:Ibid.
Butitwasaproductivehypothesis:Foranexcellentoverviewofhowthisresearchcontributedtothe
riseofneurochemistry,seeNichols,“Psychedelics,”267.
TheSaskatchewanMentalHospital:Weyburnwouldsoonbecometheworld’smostimportanthubof
researchintopsychedelics.Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,26–28.
“My12HoursasaMadman”:Foradiscussionofthearticle,seeibid.,31–33.
TheirfocusonLSD:Ibid.,40–42.
“seemedsobizarrethatwelaugheduproariously”:Ibid.,58–59.
“Fromthefirst”:Ibid.,59.
Basedonthissuccess:Ibid.,71.
theyseemedtoogoodtobetrue:Ibid.,73.
Theideathatadrugcouldoccasion:SeeNovak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”97,andtheanonymously
published“PassItOn,”Kindlelocation5372.
Beginningin1956,BillW.hadseveralLSDsessions:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”
14,26–45;Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”97.
Bornin1910inNewYorkCity:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”88–89.
“wastakenbysurprise”:Ibid.,92.
“theproblemsandstrivings”:Ibid.

Cohencametothinkofit:BettyGroverEisner,draftof“SidneyCohen,M.D.:ARemembrance,”box
7,folder3,BettyGroverEisnerPapers,StanfordUniversityDepartmentofSpecialCollections
andUniversityArchives.
“psycholytic”means“mindloosening”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,7.
StanislavGrof,whotrainedasapsychoanalyst:Foradetailedaccountofthiswork,seeGrof,LSD.
A1967reviewarticle:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,208.
AnaïsNin,JackNicholson,StanleyKubrick:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,62.
themostfamousofthesepatientswasCaryGrant:Siff,AcidHype,100.
declaredhimself“bornagain”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,64.
“Allthesadnessandvanities”:Siff,AcidHype,100.
“I’mnolongerlonely”:Ibid.
“Youngwomenhaveneverbefore”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”103.
asurgeindemandforLSDtherapy:Ibid.
“LSDbecameforusanintellectualfundrug”:Ibid.,99.
Cohenwasmadeuncomfortable:Ibid.,99–101.
Heremaineddeeplyambivalent:Ibid.,100.
“underLSDthefondesttheories”:Cohen,BeyondWithin,182.
“anyexplanationofthepatient’sproblems”:Ibid.
“therapybyself-transcendence”:Cohen,“LSDandtheAnguishofDying,”71.
“relishthepossibility”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1.
“Itwaswithoutquestion”:Huxley,Moksha,42.
“thefoldsofmygrayflanneltrousers”:Huxley,DoorsofPerception,33.
“whatAdamhadseenonthemorning”:Ibid.,17.
“Wordslike‘grace’and‘transfiguration’”:Ibid.,18.
“ameaslytrickle”:Ibid.,23.
“shiningwiththeirowninnerlight”:Ibid.,17.
acommoncoreofmysticalexperience:Huxley,PerennialPhilosophy.
“99percentAldousHuxley”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”93.
“Itwillgivethatelixirabadname”:Ibid.,95.
Clearlyanewnameforthisclass:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1–2.
“hadnoparticularconnotationofmadness”:Ibid.,2.
“uncontaminatedbyotherassociations”:Osmond,“ReviewoftheClinicalEffectsof
PsychotomimeticAgents,”429.
Thegoalwastocreatetheconditions:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,
194–95.
hisFBIfile:Hubbard’sFBIfileisavailableattheInternetArchive:
https://archive.org/details/AlHubbard.
thebestaccountwehaveofhislife:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
thetrailofHubbard’slife:Thesefacts,andtheircontradictions,aredrawnfromLeeandShlain,
AcidDreams,andFahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
Weknowthegovernmentkeptclosetabs:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,45.
“Itwasthedeepestmysticalthing”:Ibid.
“acatalyticagent”:Ibid.,52.
“ifhecouldgivethepsychedelicexperience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“convincedthat[AlHubbard]wastheman”:Ibid.
Osmondabandonedthepsychotomimeticmodel:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,54.
Hubbardwasthefirstresearchertograsp:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,93.
“Hesaid,‘Nowhatethem’”:R.C.,“B.C.’sAcidFlashback.”
“Wewaitedforhimlikethelittleoldlady”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,51.
impressiveratesofsuccess:Stevens,StormingHeaven,175.

“TheCIAworkstinks”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,52.
“Itriedtotellthemhowtouseit”:Ibid.
“Whatcamethroughthecloseddoor”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,56.
“WhatBabesintheWoods”:Ibid.,54.
“who,havingoncecometotherealization”:Ibid.,57.
CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”10.
“Explorershavenotalwaysbeenthemostscientific”:Ibid.,57.
“Myregardforscience”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,97–98.
SteveJobsoftentoldpeople:Markoff,WhattheDormouseSaid,xix.
“He’dbeabroaderguy”:Isaacson,SteveJobs,172–73.
“Thatwasaremarkableopening”:Goldsmith,“ConversationwithGeorgeGreerandMyron
Stolaroff.”
“AfterthatfirstLSDexperience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Thegreatestthingintheworld”:Markoff,WhattheDormouseSaid,58.
Seventy-eightpercentofclients:Stevens,StormingHeaven,178.
“Wewereamazed”:Fadiman,PsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,185.
“Ourinvestigationsofsomeofthecurrentsocialmovements”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,198.
“toprovidethe[LSD]experience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Alneverdidanythingresemblingsecuritywork”:Ibid.
hisfirstshatteringexperience:Leary,Flashbacks,29–33.
“Infourhoursbytheswimmingpool”:Ibid.,33.
Listen!Wakeup!YouareGod!:Leary,HighPriest,285.
ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness:ThiscoursedescriptionisintheNewYorkPublic
Library’scollectionofLeary’spapers.http://archives.nypl.org/mss/18400#detailed.
“Wewereonourown”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,135.
Learyreportedeye-poppingresults:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,75.
RickDoblinatMAPSmeticulouslyreconstructed:Doblin,“Dr.Leary’sConcordPrisonExperiment.”
“itwasthesortofresearch”:Cohen,BeyondWithin,224.
“Ifwelearnedonething”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,74.
“Wewerethinkingfar-outhistorythoughts”:Learyetal.,Neuropolitics,3.
“We’regoingtoteachpeople”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,77.
“Psychedelicdrugsopenedtomasstourism”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugs
Reconsidered,86.
A1961memofromDavidMcClelland:“SomeSocialReactionstothePsilocybinResearchProject,”
Oct.8,1961.
“analyz[e]yourdataobjectively”:MemofromMcClellandtoMetzner,Dec.19,1962.
“IwishIcouldtreatthis”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,89.
Thenextday’sCrimson:RobertEllisSmith,“PsychologistsDisagreeonPsilocybinResearch.”
“HallucinationDrugFoughtatHarvard”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,91.
“Psychedelicdrugscausepanic”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,66.
“thesematerialsaretoopowerful”:LearyandAlpert,“LetterfromAlpert,Leary.”
“ForthefirsttimeinAmericanhistory”:Ibid.
“We’rethroughplayingthesciencegame”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,189.
“hadtalkedsuchnonsense”:Ibid.,190.
“powerfulchemicals[as]harmlesstoys”:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”145.
Osmondtriedonceagaintocoinanewone:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,132.
“Youmustfacetheseobjections”:Ibid.,108.
“wreakhavoconallofus”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,191.
Learywashappytostateit:Leary,HighPriest,132.
“Heblewinwiththatuniform”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”

“IlikedTimwhenwefirstmet”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,88.
“Algotgreatlypreoccupied”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Isupposethereislittlehope”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,191.
“usinghallucinogensforseductions”:Weil,“StrangeCaseoftheHarvardDrugScandal.”
“Yes,sir,Idid”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,94.
AlpertandLearyappeartobe:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams.
“anundergraduategroup”:Weil,“StrangeCaseoftheHarvardDrugScandal.”
“giventohim”byMarshallMcLuhan:Strauss,EveryoneLovesYouWhenYou’reDead,location352.
“ThekidswhotakeLSD”:ThisquotationappearsinavideomadebyRetroReport,availablehere:
https://www.retroreport.org/video/the-long-strange-trip-of-lsd/.
WithKenKesey,theCIAhadturnedon:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,124.
“byblurringtheboundaries”:Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens.”
“thedrugstothemselves”:Grinker,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide.”
“renderingtheirconclusionsbiased”:Grinker,“BootleggedEcstasy.”
“auraofmagic”:ColeandKatz,“PsychotomimeticDrugs,”758.
“thetranscendentalintopsychiatry”:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”112.
Butwhenthestudywaslaterdiscredited:PrestiandBeck,“StrychnineandOtherEnduringMyths,”
130–31.
Forhisfirststudy:Cohen,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide.”
“thedangersofsuicide”:CohenandDitman,“ComplicationsAssociatedwithLysergicAcid
Diethylamide(LSD-25),”162.
Inanotherpaperpublished:CohenandDitman,“ProlongedAdverseReactionstoLysergicAcid
Diethylamide.”
Afourtharticle:Cohen,“ClassificationofLSDComplications.”
feverishcoverstory:MooreandSchiller,“ExplodingThreatoftheMindDrugThatGotoutof
Control.”
“LSDhasbeenyourFrankenstein”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”109.
“Whyif[theseprojects]wereworthwhile”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,93.
“fourmenlay,theirmindsliterallyexpanding”:Fadiman,PsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,186.
Someonemadeavideotapeoftheevent:Andit’savailableonYouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjylxvQqm0U.
he’straveledfromCasaGrande:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
CHAPTERFOURTRAVELOGUE:JOURNEYINGUNDERGROUND
therearethreethingshumanbeingsareafraidof:QuotedinEpstein,ThoughtsWithoutaThinker,
119.
threethousandpatientsandtrained150guides:Stolaroff,SecretChiefRevealed,28,59.
“laidtheTorahacrossmychest”:Ibid.,36.
“ManytimesI’dbeinmuchagony”:Ibid.,61.
“Justleave’emalone!”:Ibid.,50.
surveyingtheirmusicalpractices:Barrettetal.,“QualitativeandQuantitativeFeaturesofMusic
ReportedtoSupportPeakMysticalExperiencesDuringPsychedelicTherapySessions.”
“formsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,377.
“Forthemomentthatinterferingneurotic”:Huxley,DoorsofPerception,53.
“thetotalityoftheawarenessbelongingtoMindatLarge”:Ibid.,24.
“ofbeingoverwhelmed,ofdisintegrating”:Ibid.,55.
“Ifonealwayssawlikethis”:Ibid.,34–35.
“Standingonthebareground”:Emerson,Nature,13.
“Swiftlyaroseandspreadaroundme”:Whitman,LeavesofGrass,29.

“Allatonce,asitwereoutoftheintensity”:Tennysons,“LuminousSleep.”
“Isawthattheuniverse”:QuotedinJames,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,391.
CHAPTERFIVENEUROSCIENCE:YOURBRAINONPSYCHEDELICS
Onecandidateforthatchemical:Formoredetail,seeDavidNichols’stalk“DMTandthePineal
Gland:Factsvs.Fantasy,”availableathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeeqHUiC8Io.
psychedelicslikeLSDandpsilocybinwork:Vollenweideretal.,“PsilocybinInducesSchizophrenia-
LikePsychosisinHumansviaaSerotonin-2AgonistAction.”
“thereisnothingofwhichwearemorecertain”:Freud,CivilizationandItsDiscontents,12.
Theclassicthoughtexperiment:Nagel,“WhatIsItLiketoBeaBat?”
consciousnessmaypervadetheuniverse:Frank,“MindingMatter.”
alandmarkpaper:Raichleetal.,“DefaultModeofBrainFunction.”
“Chaosisaverted”:Raichle,“Brain’sDarkEnergy.”
Italsolightsupwhenwereceive“likes”:Brewer,CravingMind,46.
Inanoften-citedpaper:KillingsworthandGilbert,“WanderingMindIsanUnhappyMind.”
ShortlyafterCarhart-Harrispublished:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“NeuralCorrelatesofthePsychedelic
StateasDeterminedbyfMRIStudieswithPsilocybin.”
Thebeeperceivesasubstantiallydifferentspectrum:Srinivasan,“HoneyBeesasaModelforVision,
Perception,andCognition”;Dyeretal.,“SeeinginColour.”
thesensethatallowsbeestoregister:Suttonetal.,“MechanosensoryHairsinBumblebees(Bombus
terrestris)DetectWeakElectricFields.”
adimensionofmusicthatconveysemotion:Kaelen,“PsychologicalandHumanBrainEffectsof
MusicinCombinationwithPsychedelicDrugs.”
“servestopromoterealism”:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“EntropicBrain.”
“Distinctnetworksbecamelessdistinct”:Carhart-Harris,Kaelen,andNutt,“HowDoHallucinogens
WorkontheBrain?”
theusuallinesofcommunications:Petrietal.,“HomologicalScaffoldsofBrainFunctional
Networks.”
hersuperbbook:Gopnik,PhilosophicalBaby.
“Adultshavecongealedintheirbeliefs”:Lucasetal.,“WhenChildrenAreBetter(oratLeastMore
Open-Minded)LearnersThanAdults.”
CHAPTERSIXTHETRIPTREATMENT:PSYCHEDELICSINPSYCHOTHERAPY
“Formethatisnotamedicalconcept”:Kupferschmidt,“HighHopes,”23.
“Ifwearetodevelopoptimalresearchdesigns”:Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens.”
onlyabouthalfofthepeoplewhotaketheirlives:BeaconHealthOptions,“WeNeedtoTalkAbout
Suicide,”10.
“psychiatryhasgonefrombeingbrainless”:Solomon,NoondayDemon,102.
“alter[]theexperienceofdying”:Cohen,“LSDandtheAnguishofDying.”
“ofcosmicunity”:Richardsetal.,“LSD-AssistedPsychotherapyandtheHumanEncounterwith
Death.”
“Iamtheluckiestmanonearth”:Grob,Bossis,andGriffiths,“UseoftheClassicHallucinogen
PsilocybinforTreatmentofExistentialDistressAssociatedwithCancer,”303.
InDecember2016,afront-pagestory:Hoffman,“DoseofaHallucinogenfroma‘MagicMushroom,’
andThenLastingPeace.”
Inafollow-upstudytotheNYUtrial:Belseretal.,“PatientExperiencesofPsilocybin-Assisted
Psychotherapy:AnInterpretativePhenomenologicalAnalysis.”
“istomakeyourinterestsgraduallywider”:BertrandRussell,“HowtoGrowOld.”
“AndsuddenlyIrealizedthatthemolecules”:Hertzberg,“MoonShots(3of3).”

80percentofthevolunteerswereconfirmedasabstinent:Johnsonetal.,“PilotStudyofthe5-HT
2AR
AgonistPsilocybinintheTreatmentofTobaccoAddiction.”
Thissuggeststhattheability:PersonalcommunicationwiththeneuroscientistDraulioAraujo.
Therecordwasacompletemuddle:KrebsandJohansen,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide(LSD)for
Alcoholism.”
“Giventheevidenceforabeneficialeffect”:Ibid.
a2015pilotstudy:Bogenschutzetal.,“Psilocybin-AssistedTreatmentforAlcoholDependence.”
volunteersspentaminutelooking:Piffetal.,“Awe,theSmallSelf,andProsocialBehavior.”
theafter-aweself-portraits:Baietal.,“Awe,theDiminishedSelf,andCollectiveEngagement.”
researchersgavepsilocybintosixmen:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“PsilocybinwithPsychologicalSupport
forTreatment-ResistantDepression.”
Watts’sinterviewsuncoveredtwo“master”themes:Wattsetal.,“Patients’AccountsofIncreased
‘Connectedness’and‘Acceptance’AfterPsilocybinforTreatment-ResistantDepression.”
“Itwaslikeaholiday”:Ibid.
“Thesheenandshinethatlifeandexistence”:ForRouiller’sfullaccount,see
http://inandthrough.blogspot.com/2016/08/psilocybin-trial-diary-one-year-on.html.
obsessive-compulsivedisorder:Morenoetal.,“Safety,Tolerability,andEfficacyofPsilocybinin9
PatientswithObsessive-CompulsiveDisorder.”
“Depressionisaresponsetopastloss”:Solomon,NoondayDemon,65.
“Whatstartedasapleasurebecomesaneed”:Kessler,Capture,8–9.
psychedelicsenhanceneuroplasticity:VollenweiderandKometer,“NeurobiologyofPsychedelic
Drugs.”
Inacollegecommencementaddress:Reproduced,inpart,atBrainPickings:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2012/09/12/this-is-water-david-foster-wallace/.
“howwerelatetoourthoughtsandfeelings”:Brewer,CravingMind,115.
EPILOGUEINPRAISEOFNEURALDIVERSITY
“Wearenotthecounterculture”:Schwartz,“MollyattheMarriott.”
mentionedtheplenarypanel:Avideoofthetalkisathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=_oZ_v3QFQDE.
avideotapedinterviewwithRamDass:Availableathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=NhlTrDIOcrQ&feature=share.

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Index
Thepagenumbersinthisindexrefertotheprintedversionofthisbook.Thelinkprovidedwill
takeyoutothebeginningofthatprintpage.Youmayneedtoscrollforwardfromthatlocationto
findthecorrespondingreferenceonyoure-reader.
Note:Pagenumbersinitalicsrefertoillustrations.
abuseofpsychedelics,lowriskof,50
AcidTests,184,206
activeplacebos,psychedelicsas,159
Adamicmoments,25
addiction,358–75
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88,391
andawe-inspiringexperiences,373–75
andayahuasca,369n
banalityofinsightsaftertreatments,361–62,363–64
anddefaultmodenetwork,387–88
depression’slinksto,383
andegodissolution,271,366
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
andmentaltimetravel,387
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
Nutt’sconclusionson,300n
andovervieweffect,359–60
andratparkexperiment,372–73
andrisksofpsychedelics,14,30
Seealsoalcoholism;smokingcessation
AddictionResearchFoundationinToronto,151
adrenaline,146
afterglowofpsychedelicexperiences,24–25,254
agnosticsandatheists
mysticalexperiencesof,74,222,284–85,345
andvalueofmeaning,355
AlcoholicsAnonymous(AA),141,152–53,370
alcoholism
andBillW’spsychedelicexperiences,152–53,370
andHubbard’streatmentfacilities,171
LSDastreatmentfor,141,148–53,368–69,370

andOsmond/Hoffer’sresearch,170
andpersonalhistory/environment,370–72
peyoteusedtotreat,368
andpsychotherapy,369
resultsfromtreatmentof,368–69
andSpringGrove’sresearch,57,218
andsuppressionofpsychedelicresearch,141–42
Allen,Don,176–77,178,181n,198,206n
Alpert,Richard(laterRamDass)
andcounterculture,205
criticismsofresearch,194,195
defenseofresearch,196
dismissalfromHarvard,202–3
andFadiman,177
andHarvardPsilocybinProject,188,189,190
andInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom,203
andJohnson,360
post-Harvardlifeof,205
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,197
andWeil,202–3
AlteredStatesofConsciousness(Tart),99
altruisticbehavior,373–74
amadou,87,117
AmericanPsychiatricAssociation(APA),141
Ampex,44,176
AnimalsandPsychedelics(Samorini),123–24
animals’consumptionofPsilocybes,93,98,122–23
antidepressants
discoveryof,147
andlossofeffectiveness,335
andneurochemistryfield,293
andplaceboeffect,335n,382
rangeofdisordersaddressedby,383
anxiety
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88
anddefaultmodenetwork,387–88
andeffectofpsychedelicsonego,271
andmentaltimetravel,387
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
duringpsychedelicexperiences,46,63
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156,159
ruminationin,383
Apolloastronauts,358–59,373
artificialintelligence(AI),325–26
authorityofpsychedelicexperiences,59,71,346,365–66
autism,37
autobiographicalself,304,387–88,391
awe,experiencesof,306,373–75,389
ayahuasca
inaddictiontreatments,369n

ingroupsettings,405
lackofresearchon,18
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,410–13
ritualuseof,402,404
andUDVcourtcase,27–28
Aztecs,2,108–9
badtrips
andbacklashagainstpsychedelics,3
andexpectationsoftherapist,347
firstbadtrip,24
ingeneralpopulation,209
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,152
androleofguides,405
androleofsetting,14
Weil’s“treatment”for,210
Balick,Michael,107
Barlow,JohnPerry,183
BayAreatechcommunity,171,175–83,181n
Bayesianinferences,261–63
Bazer,Dinah,284–85,344–45,355
BeHereNow(RamDass),205
Beatles,143,204
BeckleyFoundation,228,297,299
behaviorism,149
being/doingduality,280–81,282
belladonna,152,370
Belser,Alexander,351
Bergson,Henri,56,162
Bessant,Charles,360,361,362–63
Beug,Michael,101,121–23
“BicycleDay”(April19),24
Bigwood,Jeremy,101
bioterrorism,89
birthexperiences,155,176,240,279–80,341–42,344
Blake,William,82,161,194
Bogenschutz,Michael,369,370–72
Boothby,Richard,65,67–68,69,70,72,75
Bossis,Tony
onauthenticityquestions,347
andBazer’stherapy,344–45
onculturalfearofdeath,404
andMettes’stherapy,336,337–38,340–43,346,357
onresultswithcancerpatients,336
onroleofguides,402
TheBotanyofDesire(Pollan),12–13
brainscience,2–3,24.Seealsoneuroscienceofpsychedelics
Brand,Stewart,182,183–85,359
BraveNewWorld(Huxley),160

breathwork,242–44,245,245n,306
Brewer,Judson
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322,325
andmeditationexperiment,392–95
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,305,306,322,390–91
Bronfman,Jeffrey,49
Bucke,R.M.,289
Buckley,Lord,157
Buddhism,16,288,305,392
Burgess,Tammy,346
BurningMan,83,184
Bush,George,27,181
Caen,Herb,204
CaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,232–33,402
Canada,147–50,171,198
cancerpatientresearch,331–58
andauthenticityquestions,347–49
andbirthexperiences,338–39,344
commonthemesin,344–46
criticismsofresearch,350n
anddeathrehearsalprocess,346
andfearofdeath,8,79,336–37,346–47
andfear/anxietyduringtreatments,341,345
andflightinstructions,338,341
follow-upstudy,351–52
Griffiths’slandmarkpaperon,10–11,29–30
meaningin,352–55
andmysticalexperiences,79,349,350–51
atNewYorkUniversity,332–33,337–38
originsof,338–39
andPatrickMettes,332,336,337–38,340–44,346–47,356–57
andperspectiveshiftsofpatients,339–40
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,159
resultsof,349–50
atSpringGrove,218
treatmentroomsin,331–32
andvisionsofdeath,345–46
volunteers’accountsof,351–52
cannabisandmarijuana,36,37,138,138n,204,299
Capture:UnravelingtheMysteryofMentalSuffering(Kessler),383
Carhart-Harris,Robin
onconsciousness-expansion,322
anddepressionpilotstudy,329–30,376–81
ondisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314,314n
andeffectofpsilocybinonbrainactivity,300–301
andFeilding,297,299
andGopnik,323–24
onpoliticaleffectsofpsychedelics,315

onpredictive/sensorydata,310–11
psychoanalysisresearchof,296–97,311
onrewiringofbrain,316,320,327,384
onvalueofpsychedelicexperiences,315,328
Seealsodefaultmodenetwork(DMN);entropicbraintheory
carpenterants,89,96–97
CBSNews,57,113
celebritiesonpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156–57,171
CentralIntelligenceAgency(CIA)
andculturalupheavalofthesixties,206–7
andHubbard,166,171–72
MK-Ultraexperimentsof,59,113n,172,172n,206,207
andpsychotomimeticmodel,172
andsearchforLSDapplications,142,206
CentreforPsychiatry,ImperialCollegeLondon,295–96
Charnay,Amy,66–67,73
Chekhov,Anton,381,382
children
consciousnessof,323–28
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),312,328
memoriesfromchildhood,222,307
problemsolvingin,325–28
asR&Dstageofspecies,327
andsuppressionofentropy,328
Clavicepspurpurea,84.SeealsoLSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide)
Cleaver,Eldridge,204
Coburn,James,156
cocaine,7
Cohen,Sidney
ambivalenceaboutpsychedelics,158–59,175
andBillW’spsychedelicexperiences,152–53
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174,175
andcongressionalhearings,217
andHubbard,171,174,175
onLeary’smethodologicalissues,191
LSDexperiencesof,153–54
andLSDtherapy,156
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
onrisksofpsychedelics,210–11
onterminalpatients,339
colonycollapsedisorder(CCD),89
colorblindness,310
“ComeTogether”(Beatles),204
CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174–75
CompassPathways,401
computertechnology,183–84,183n
ConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
consciousness
andarrivalofpsychedelics,2
Bergsonon,162

Carhart-Harris’stheoryon,312–13,314
ofchildren,323–28
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),302,306,307
expandingrepertoireof,408–9
expansionandcontractionof,322–23
andHuxley’s“reducingvalve”concept,161–62,289,307,313,322
hypnagogicconsciousness,252
Jesseon,41
lanternvs.spotlight,325
Learyon,187
andmeditation,408–9
neuroscienceof,293–95,302,305–6,307–9,311–14,322–23
andourperceptionsofreality,137
andparadoxofpsilocybin,85
philosophicalapproachto,294
preconceptions,308
asproductofbrain,41,265
aspropertyoftheuniverse,56,264,314
andquantummechanics,413–14
scientificevidencefor,348–49
andtrepanation,298
universaldesiretochange,13
valueofalteredstatesof,406–9
convictionassociatedwithmysticalexperiences,41,70–71
Cordyceps,89,96–97
Cosimano,Mary,61,73
Costa,JoséGabrielda,27–28
CouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP),43,49–51,228
counterculture
andcomputertechnology,183–84,183n
do-it-yourselfapproachof,215
andEasternreligion,205
effortstodistancepsychedelicresearchfrom,84
andgenerationgap,215–16
andHubbard,181,181n,200
inevitabilityof,215–16
andKesey’sAcidTests,206–7
andLeary,203–4,205
negativeassociationsof,58
andNixonadministration,58
psychedelics’linkto,205,215–16
and“psychedelics”term,19
andRamDass,205
andresearchers,215
riseof,3
andupheavalsofthesixties,205–7,215–16,315
andVietnamWar,215
Coyne,James,350n
creativeimagination,156,175,179,183,319
culturalrevolution,175,197,205–7.Seealsocounterculture

cybernetics,183
DalaiLama,41
dangersofpsychedelics,14–15,209–11,209n
Davis,Wade,107,274
deathanddying
deathrehearsalprocess,346,389
deathsassociatedwithpsychedelics,14,211
fearof,8,78–79,218,223,336–37,339,346–47,353,355,404
Griffiths’soutlookon,79–80
andhospiceservices,401
near-deathexperiences,306
perceptionsof,68,70,79
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,267,269
reconnectionswiththedead,67
visionsof,345–46
Seealsocancerpatientresearch
defaultmodenetwork(DMN)
activityreductionsin,300,304–6,313–14,316–20,322
andautobiographicalnarratives,304,387–88,391
andchildren’sbrains,312,328
anddepression,313,378,387–88
discoveryof,301–2
anddisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314n
effectofpsilocybinon,300–301,304–5
andego,312,313–14,329,387,388
andegodissolution,304–5,351
evolutionof,312
andexistentialdistress,353
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
functionof,301–4,306–7
keystructuresof,301n
andmentalillness,329,386
andmentaltimetravel,387
andmysticalexperiences,306
overactivityin,313,353,378,386
andposteriorcingulatecortex,387–88,391–93
quietingthroughmeditation,305,306,391,392–95
andrelationshiptonature,315–16
andrewiringofbrain,316–20,353–54
andsnowtrailsmetaphor,385
Delysid(LSD-25),142–43,145–46,216–17
depatterningfactor,124
depression,375–81
andaccesstoemotions,379–80
addiction’slinksto,383
andantidepressants,147,293,335,335n,382
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88
Carhart-Harris’spilotstudyon,329–30,376–81

anddefaultmodenetwork,313,378,387–88
disconnectionexperiencedin,377–78
andego’styranny,367
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
inadequatetreatmentsfor,335
andmentaltimetravel,387
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156
returnof,380–81
andrumination,377–78,383
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
DiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders(DSM),383
dimethyltryptamine(DMT),27,48,293
Doblin,Rick
ambitionsof,36–37,401–2
backgroundof,35
onlegalization,402
andMAPS,35,36–37,397
andMDMAtrials,48
onprogressoffield,397,403–4
onqualityofHarvard-basedresearch,45–46,191
TheDoorsofPerception(Huxley),25,143,160,162,201,253
double-blindtrialsinresearch,208
dreamsanddreaming,155,292,297
DrugEnforcementAdministration(DEA),60
drugwar,28,50,398
DrugsWithouttheHotAir(Nutt),300n
Dulles,Allen,165
Dylan,Bob,114
Dyson,Esther,183
Easternreligions,205
eatingdisorders,313,367
ecstasyinpsychedelicexperiences,111
ego
andAlcoholicsAnonymous(AA),370
andawe-inspiringexperiences,374
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),312,313–14,329,387,388
excessivecontrolof,313,315,367,388
andexistentialdistress,353
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,323
andfearofdeath,339
functionsof,352
andmentaltimetravel,387
silencingof,288–90,394–95
andspirituality,390
weakenedstateof,252–53
egodissolution
andaddictiontreatment,366
attitudespredictedby,316n

anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),304–5,351
andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10
inHofmann’strip,24
andmysticalexperiences,389
andnoeticquality,42
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,252,263–65,270–71,277
andspirituality,288,390
therapeuticvalueof,389–90
volunteers’accountsof,65–66
Einstein,Albert,367
Eisner,Betty
onCohen’s“unsanity,”154
andHubbard,171,174
andLSDtherapy,156
paranormalinterestsof,208
andWestCoastresearchhub,152–53
Eliot,T.S.,136
emergencyroomadmissions,14,209–10
Emerson,RalphWaldo,136,286
emotions
accesstodifficult,379–80
andcancerpatientresearch,351–52,353
inhibitedbydefaultmodenetwork,307
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,317
Engelbart,Doug,179,179n,183–84
engineers’useofpsychedelics,182
English,William,179
entheogens,19,103
entropicbraintheory
andaging,321
andchildren’sbrains,312,323–28
andcommunicationswithinbrain,316–20,318–19
andevolutionofdefaultmodenetwork,312
andexcessorderinbrain,313,315,385
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
andgrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness,385
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,313–14,316–20
andspectrumofcognitivestates,313,315,385
andvalueofpsychedelics,313–14,315,385
environment,attitudestoward,315–16,359
environment,personal,372–73
environmentofpsychedelicexperiences
andbadtrips,152
andcriticismsofpsychedelictherapy,207–8
Hubbard’srolein,164,169–70,190
andOsmondandHoffer’sresearch,151,152,163–64
and“setandsetting”concepts,14,53,151,190,207–8
ergot,22–23,84
EsalenInstitute,47–48,49–51
EuropeanMedicinesAgency(EMA),376–77

EvergreenStateCollege,101,102
evolution,roleofpsilocybinin,115–16
existentialdistress,8,78–79,218,223,336–37,353
expectancyeffects
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158
andexpectationsoftherapist,347
andGriffiths’spsilocybinresearch,62–63,64
andHuxley,143–44,161–62
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,150
ExxonValdezdisaster,88
Fadiman,James
andAlpert(laterRamDass),177
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,49
andcreativedoseofLSD,184
andHubbard,172
atInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,177–78,183,184
andJesse,43–44,46,49
aspioneerinfield,43–44
ThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,229
andresearchapprovalrevokedbyFDA,57,217–18
onSchuster,50
andundergroundtherapists,228
Fahey,ToddBrendan,165,166,181
fasting,306
FederalBureauofInvestigation(FBI),164
Feilding,Amanda
backgroundof,297–99
andCarhart-Harris,296,297,299
cerebralcirculationtheoryof,298,299,305n
andresearchfunding,299,300
Fischer,Roland,97
5-HT
2A
receptors,292–93,354n
5-MeO-DMT(TheToad),272–90,291–92
flashbacks,3,209
Flashbacks(Leary),139,187,190n
flightinstructions
andcancerpatientresearchatNYU,338,341
andHopkins’spsilocybinresearch,63,64,72
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,246,259–60
Fomesfomentarius,87
FoodoftheGods(McKenna),115
forests,mycelialnetworksin,91,91n
Frankl,Viktor,352n
Freud,Sigmund,155,294,297,307,312,314,389
fungi
Clavicepspurpurea,84(seealsoLSD)
Cordyceps,89,96–97
andforests,91,91n

Galerinaautumnalis,94
mycelialnetworksof,84n,90–91,118,122
andmycoremediation,88
Stamets’sadvocacyfor,87–90
SeealsoPsilocybes
FungiPerfectioperationofStamets,86n,126
Gaiahypothesis,359
Galerinaautumnalis,94
Gates,Bill,175
Ginsberg,Allen,193–94,203,205
Gitlin,Todd,216
Godexperiences,71,343,344,345,371–72
Goldsmith,George,398–99,400–401
GoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,80–81,191–92
Gopnik,Alison,323–28,329
Gottlieb,Sidney,172n
Grant,Cary,157
Graves,Robert,107
Grey,Alex,125
Griffiths,Roland
onapplicationsforwellpeople,404–5
onauthenticityquestions,76,348–49
onauthorityofexperiences,365
awakeningof,33
backgroundof,31–34
careersuccessof,78
commitmenttoresearch,77
ondeath,79–80
anddepressionresearch,375–76
andJesse,38,51–52
onlongtermchangesinopenness,319–20
onmeaningassociatedwithpsychedelicexperiences,75
mushroommedallionsof,82–83
mysteriesanduncertaintiesembracedby,75,79,80
onpreparingvolunteersfortrials,64
“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustained
PersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance,”10–11,29–30
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60,62,65,79,360
onresearchatSpringGrove,56
andRichards,53
onSchuster,50
spiritualemphasisof,62
on“threats”ofpsychedelics,59
Grinker,Roy,208,211
Grob,Charles
on“appliedmysticism,”207,334
onfirstwaveresearch,333
andMDMAtrials,48

andshamanicparadigm,208,334
Grof,Stanislav
onAmericanvalues,58–59
onamplificationeffectsofpsychedelics,159
onbirthexperiences,155
andCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,232
atEsalenInstitute,47
andguides,225,230,240
RealmsoftheHumanUnconscious,297
andRichards,53
atSpringGrove,57,218
andterminalpatients,339
groupsettings,psychedelicsin,405
Guatemala,114–15
guides
andbadtrips,405
codeofethics,229
andfutureofpsychedelics,402–3
guidelinesandprotocolsof,226–27,230,230n
andintegrationofjourney,250–52,269–71,282,364,402,405–6
interviewswith,231–35
personalexperienceswithpsychedelics,227
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,237–41,242,254–57,272–74
inpsychedelicunderground,223–30
qualificationsof,224
risksassumedby,224–25
roleof,215,242,364–65,405–6
andsecondwaveofresearch,227
shrinesoraltarsof,231–32,245–46,254–55
trainingof,225,402
websitefor,228–30
Guss,Jeffrey,335,352,354,369
habits,360–64.Seealsosmokingcessation
hackercommunity,184
hallucinations,310,317
hallucinogens(term),18
Harman,Willis
ambitionsof,181
andHubbard,166
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS),177
andJesse,46,49
andpsychedelicsinSiliconValley,176–77
researchoncreativeproblemsolving,179
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
atStanfordResearchInstitute,180–82
HarvardPsilocybinProject
controversysurrounding,194–97
criticismsof,46,76,195

misperceptionsof,140
natureofexperimentsin,189
andresearchofpreviousdecade,140,185
researchers’consumptionofdrugsin,189,195
andWeil,201
HarvardUniversity
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,191–92
andJames,188,196
Leary’semploymentat,140,186–87,201–3
andLeary’spsychedelicseminar,188–89
andSchultes,107
Hayes,John,70,72–73
Heard,Gerald,174,176
HeffterResearchInstitute,48–49,228
Helms,Richard,172n
Hendricks,Peter,373
hierarchies,psychedelics’abilitytooverturn,315
HighPriest(Leary),187–88
Hinduism,16
hippiesofthesixties,203–4,315
history,personal,372–73
Hitchcock,Billy,203
Hoffer,Abram
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
andHubbard,168,170,174
andLeary,198
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,147–52,170
andpsychotomimeticmodel,159–60
androleofenvironment,151
Hofmann,Albert
birthdaycelebrationfor,21–22
creationofLSD-25,1–2,22–23
andHubbard,167
isolationofpsilocybinandpsilocin,113
andmushroomconferences,103
psychedelicexperiencesof,23–25,113,142
onreconnectionwithnature,25–26
andStamets,97,103
andsyntheticpsilocybin,83,113
Holland,Julie,402
Hollywoodcelebrities,156–57,171
holotropicbreathwork,242–44,245,245n,306
honeybeesandcolonycollapsedisorder,89,128
Hoover,J.Edgar,168
hospice,psychedelic,401
HuautladeJiménezinsouthernMexico,2,108,110,112,113–14
Hubbard,Al
advocacyforpsychedelics,167–68
ambitionsof,167–68,173,181,194,198n

backgroundof,164–67
andBayAreacommunity,171,175–78,180–83
CaptainTripsnickname,171
andCIA,166,171–72
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174–75
contradictionsinlifeof,164,169
andcounterculture,181,181n,200
andenvironmentofpsychedelicexperiences,164
andguides,225,230
andHuxley,172–74
andleadingresearchers,170–71
andLeary,199–200,219,220
LSDexperiencesof,167
andmescaline,169,173
andOsmond,168–69,200
andOsmond/Hoffer’sresearch,170
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,164,169–70,171,207
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
andSandozLSD,167,170
atStanfordResearchInstitute,180–82
ontherapeuticvalueofpsychedelics,169
andWasson,170
HumanBe-IninSanFrancisco,203–4
Humboldt,Alexandervon,126–27,128,134
Huxley,Aldous
ambitionsof,194,198n
BraveNewWorld,160
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
deathof,338
TheDoorsofPerception,25,143,160,162,201,253
onego,253,289
andexpectancyeffects,143–44,161–62
andHubbard,172–74
imprintonmodernpsychedelicexperiences,111,143–44,162
andLeary,198
LSDexperiencesof,173–74
mescalineexperienceof,144,151,160–62
and“MindatLarge”state,264,315,389
andOsmond,160,174
PerennialPhilosophyconceptof,162,232
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,207
and“psychedelics”term,160,162–63
“reducingvalve”conceptof,161–62,289,307,313,322,353
andterminalpatients,338
Huxley,Laura,172
Hyams,Joe,157
hypnagogicconsciousness,252
ibogaine,369n

imagination,308
ImperialCollegeLondon’sCentreforPsychiatry,295–96.SeealsoCarhart-Harris,Robin
industrialwaste,mycoremediationof,88
ineffabilityofmysticalexperiences,40,54,69,251,270,285
Insel,Tom,335,383,388n,398,401
interconnectedness
andaddictiontreatment,362–63
AlcoholicsAnonymous’semphasison,370
andcancerpatientresearch,351
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),305
anddepressionpilotstudy,379
inmysticalexperiences,285,305
andovervieweffect,359
andPollan’sPsilocybesexperience,134
Stametson,125
InternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(IFIF),197,198,199,203
InternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS)
andBrand,183
closureof,180
Fadiman’sworkat,43–44
andLeary,198
researchapprovalrevokedbyFDA,44,217–18
researchconductedat,177–79
Inuitpeople,13n
Jagger,Mick,114
James,William
onconsciousness,16–17,136,137,244,407
onfourhallmarksofmysticalexperiences,69–72
onjudgingmysticalexperiences,347
andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282
onnoeticqualityofmysticalexperiences,41,69–70,275
andquestionsofveracity,76–77
researchatHarvard,188,196
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
TheVarietiesofReligiousExperience,69
Janiger,Oscar
andcelebritiesinLSDtherapy,156–57
andHubbard,171,172
andLSDtherapy,156
andWestCoastresearchhub,153
Jesse,Bob
backgroundof,38–40,42–43
behind-the-scenesworkof,37
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,401–2,404
cabinof,37–38
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,43,49–51,228
andDoblin’sambitions,36
earlypsychedelicexperiencesof,39–40

andeldersofpsychedeliccommunity,43–44
andEsalenInstitute,48,49
andfirst-waveofpsychedelicresearch,44–45,46–47
andGriffiths,38,51–52
andJohnHopkinsexperiment,81
andMDMA,51
and“medicalization”concerns,51,400
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,10,60
on“recreationaluse”term,38,400
andRichards,52
roleof,insecond-waveresearch,34–35
spiritualemphasisof,51
Jobs,Steve,175
Johanson,Chris-Ellyn,50
JohnHopkins’spsychedelicresearch
andastronaut/groundcontrolmetaphor,65
withcancerpatients,8,10–11,332–33,349
controllingforexpectancyeffectsin,62,64
andhallmarksofmysticalstates,69–72
landmarkpsilocybinpaper,10–11,29–30
launchoftrial,60–61
preparingvolunteersin,63–65,67
recruitmentofvolunteersfor,61
replicationofGoodFridayexperiment,192
andsitters,63–64,74
andStamets,92
ontherapeuticapplications,78–79
volunteers’accountsof,63,65–69,70–71,72–75
Johnson,Matthew
backgroundof,360
onbanalinsights,364
andego’scontrol,388
and“mentalreboot,”366,384
andpersonalhistory/environment,372–73
onreactionstopowerfulexperiences,406
andsmokingcessationstudy,360,364
onvalueofpsychedelics,366–68
Jung,Carl,7,73,232,389
Kaelen,Mendel,384–85
KaiserHospitalinOakland,186
Kalliontzi,Krystallia,338,340,342
Katz,Sidney,148,154
Kelly,Kevin,183
Kelman,Herbert,187,195–96
Keltner,Dacher,373–74,375
Kennedy,RobertF.,217
Kerouac,Jack,193
Kesey,Ken,102,184,206–7

Kessler,David,383
Kleber,HerbertD.,29–30
Kleiman,Mark,49
Kubrick,Stanley,156
Kurland,Albert,218
Laing,R.D.,223
LeagueforSpiritualDiscovery,203
Leary,Timothy
arrestsandsentencesof,138,204
candorof,213–14
andconcernsofresearchcommunity,198–201
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n
andcongressionalhearings,217
onconsciousness-expansion,322
andcounterculture,203–4,205
criticismsofresearch,46,191,194–97
andculturalupheavalofthesixties,205–7
deemed“mostdangerousmaninAmerica,”58
desiretoeffectsocialchanges,173,192,194,198n,199,213
do-it-yourselfapproachof,200,215
andEasterninfluences,143–44
exuberanceof,187–88,192
Flashbacks,139,187,190n
andGinsberg,193–94,205
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,191–92
government’spursuitof,204
andguides,225,230
atHarvard,140,186–87,201–3
HighPriest,187–88
andHubbard,199–200,219,220
impactonpsychedelicresearch,9,185–86,190,198–99,212,219–20,403
andInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom,197,198,199,203
andmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics,185,205
andOsmond,198–99
post-Harvardlifeof,203–6
andpsilocybin,187–88
psychedelicseminarofferedby,188–89
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,197
andresearchofpreviousdecade,140,185,189
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219–20
andRichards,53
“set”and“setting”conceptsof,151,190
smilingpersonaof,139,199,205,220
“turnon,tunein,dropout”sloganof,138,139,204,206
andWasson’sLifemagazinearticle,113
andWeil,201–3
SeealsoHarvardPsilocybinProject
LeavesofGrass(Whitman),286

legalstatusofpsychedelics,3,402,405
Lennon,John,114,204
Letcher,Andy,112
Liddy,G.Gordon,205
Lieberman,Jeffrey,403
Lifemagazine
onmoralpanic,211–12
Wasson’spsilocybinarticlein,2,103–9,113
limbicsystem,307
Lincoff,Gary,102
Linkletter,Art,5
LosAngelesgroup,152,153,154–58.SeealsoCohen,Sidney;Eisner,Betty;Janiger,Oscar
LSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide)
accidentalinventionof,1–2,22–25
andAcidTestsofKesey,184,206
asalcoholismtreatment,141,148–53,368–69,370
andbadtrips,209,210
and“BicycleDay,”24
bootleg/undergroundproductionof,181n,209
andbrainscience,2–3,24,147
casualuseof,211,212
CIA’sresearchon,59,113n,142,172,172n,206,207
Cohen’sambivalenceabout,158–59
creationmythof,22–25
andcreativeimagination,175
asderivativeoffungus,84
engineers’useof,182
“escapingfromthelab,”157–58
andFeilding’scerebralcirculationtheory,298
firstLSDtrips,23–25
Hubbardontherapeuticvalueof,169
legalstatusof,3,181
andMansonmurders,5,367
misinformationabout,5
moralpanicprovokedby,138–39,209
Nuttonlowrisksof,300
perceiveddangersof,209–11,209n
andpharmaceuticalcompanies,400
politicalbaggageof,51,333
andpoliticalupheavalsofthesixties,315
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,237–54
andpsychotomimeticmodel,153–54,162
receptorsfor,292–93
andresearchatEsalenInstitute,47
Sandoz’sdistributionofDelysid,142–43,148,152,176
Sandoz’swithdrawalofDelysid,143,216–17
andschizophreniaresearch,146–47
andsecondwaveofresearch,333
inSiliconValley,175–80
andSpringGrove’sresearch,56–58,59,218

subversivepowerof,214
astryptamine,291–92
youthculture’sadoptionof,25,212
Luce,ClareBoothe,104,212
Luce,Henry,104,212
machinelearning,325–26
MacLean,Katherine,37,74,346,401,402
Maclean’s,148
magicalthinking,312,314,317,389
Malievskaia,Ekaterina,399
mania,383
Man’sSearchforMeaning(Frankl),352n
Manson,Charles,5,367
marijuanaandcannabis,36,37,138,138n,204,299
MarylandPsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGrove,52,57,218
Maslow,Abraham,49,55,232
materialistperspective,12,85,135
Mayancivilization,274
MazatecIndians,83,109,110,112
McClelland,David,191,195,197
McDaniels,Terry,370–72
McHugh,Paul,76
McKenna,Terence,97,115–17,121
McLuhan,Marshall,138,139,204,205
MDMA(Ecstasy)
andcardiacconcerns,236–37
Doblin’sdistributionof,36
Nutt’sconclusionson,299
andphase3trialsapproval,397
inPTSDtreatments,18,36–37
Schusteron,51
Shulgin’ssynthesisof,44
andtherapeuticbond,236–37
trialsfor,48
meaning,personal
andawe-inspiringexperiences,375
andcancerpatientresearch,11,63,352–55
constructionof,354
andegodissolution,389
and5-HT
2A
receptors,354n
Griffithson,75–76
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,354
valueof,355
media
andHarvardPsilocybinProjectcontroversy,194–95,196–97
andKatz’s“My12HoursasaMadman,”148,154
andLSD’sescapefromthelab,157
onmoralpanic,211–12

onperilsofpsychedelics,209,209n
onpsychedelicsatHarvard,202
onpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156–57
medicalizationofpsychedelicdrugs,36,51,400,402
meditation
andaccesstoothermodesofconsciousness,408–9
ofGriffiths,32–33
andmentaltimetravel,387
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,305,306,391,392–95
memories,307,317
MenloPark,psychedelicusein
andCIA’smindcontrolresearch,206–7
andHubbard,171,177–78
atInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,43–44,177–80,198,217,228
Menninger,Karl,368
mentalillness
associatedwithmentalrigidity,329
commonunderlyingmechanismfor,383–84
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),329,386
andegoinlow-entropydisorders,313
grandunifiedtheoryof,383–84,385
inadequatetreatmentsfor,335–36
potentialforcuring,377
andsuicides,335
Seealsoaddiction;depression
MerryPranksters,206–7
mescaline
andHarvardcontroversy,202
andHubbard,169,173
andHuxley,144,150–51,160–62
andJames,17
andOsmond’sresearch,146,147
perceiveddangersof,210
andpsychotomimeticmodel,162
andschizophreniaresearch,146
andWeil,201
MesoamericanIndians,107
Mettes,Patrick,332,336,337–38,340–44,346,356–57
Metzner,Ralph,190,191,195
Michaux,Henri,278n
“microdosing,”14n,175
middle-agedpeople,7,73,321
Miller,Savannah,363–64
mindwandering,304
MiserableMiracle(Michaux),278n
Mitchell,Edgar,358–59
MK-UltraexperimentsofCIA,59,113n,172,172n,206,207
Moore,James,113n
moralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics
effectof,onpsychedelicresearch,185,205

andLeary,138–39,205
mediacoverageof,211–12
andoutlawingofpsychedelics,3
MultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies(MAPS),35,36–37,191,228,397–99
mushrooms
identificationof,94–96,119
lethalvarietiesof,86,94
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,257–58,266
Russula,119
stoneartifactsof,114–15
SeealsoPsilocybes;psilocybin
Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory(Wasson),114n
mycelialnetworks,84n,90–91,118,122
MyceliumRunning(Stamets),88,90
mycopesticides,89
mycoremediation,88
mysteriumtremendum,277
MysticalExperienceQuestionnaires(MEQs),282–84
mysticalexperiences
ofagnosticsandatheists,74,222,284–85,345
andawe-inspiringexperiences,375
brain-basedexplanationsfor,76
incancerpatientresearch,79,349,350–51
anddeactivationofdefaultmodenetwork,305–6
andegodissolution,389
inEuropeanresearch,64
andexpectancyeffects,143
andfanaticism/fundamentalism,37,81
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45,191–92
ofGriffiths,33
andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10–11,29–30
ofHubbard,167
ofHuxley,161
ineffabilityof,40,54,69,251,270,285
interconnectednessin,285,305
languageof,285–87
inliterature,286–87
andlossofsubjectivity,305–6
noeticqualityof,41–42,69–70,275,285,305–6
andovervieweffect,359
andparadoxes,85,345
passivityashallmarkof,72
profundity/banalityofinsightsfrom,70–71,251
ofRichards,53–55
scienceasameansto,77–78,81
andscience-mysticismparadox,347–48
sharedtraitsof,285
andsmokingcessation,361
strengthof,correlatedwithoutcomes,361
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,64

transiencyashallmarkof,71–72
ofWasson,111
ofZeff,226
Nabokov,Vladimir,349
Nagel,Thomas,294
narcissism,157
NASA’sphotoofEarthfromspace,184–85
NationalInstituteofMentalHealth,56
NativeAmericans
conversiontoChristianity,112
andpeyote,27,368
sacramentaluseofplants,2,27,83,108–9,112
andSpanishsuppressionofmushrooms,108–9
TheNaturalMind(Weil),159
nature
attitudestoward,315–16,379
Hofmannonreconnectionwith,25–26
near-deathexperiences,306
negativethinking,353,383–84
neurochemistry,emergenceof,147,293
neuroplasticity,320,384
neuroscienceofpsychedelics,291–330
andauthorityofpsychedelicexperiences,365–66
andBayesianinferences,261–63
andchildren’sbrains,323–28
andconsciousness,293–95,302,305–6,307–9,311–14,322–23
anddisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
andhallucinations,310
andmentalrigidityinmentalillness,329–30
andpredictivecoding,307–8,310,311,321,325
andpsychoanalysis,296–97,299,311
receptors,292–93,314n
andrewiringofbrain,316–20,318–19,353–54
androtatingfacemasktest,261–63,267
andvisualcortex,365
Seealsodefaultmodenetwork(DMN);entropicbraintheory
neurotransmitters,147
NewAge,205,224
NewYorkTimes,7–8,114,349
NewYorkUniversity
alcoholismtreatmentat,369
cancerpatientresearchat,8,141,332–33,337–38,349,350
Nichols,David,48–49,348
Nicholson,Jack,156
Nin,Anaïs,156
nitrousoxide,17,69
Nixon,Richard,58,181,219,315

noeticqualityofmysticalexperiences,41–42,69–70,275,285,305–6
TheNoondayDemon(Solomon),383
Novak,Steven,158
Nutt,David
backgroundof,299–300
andCarhart-Harris’sresearch,295–96,297,300
oncomparativerisksofdrugs,299–300,300n
anddepressionpilotstudy,329
DrugsWithouttheHotAir,300n
onrepression,307
obsessive-compulsivedisorder
andego’styranny,367
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156
ololiuqui(seedsofthemorningglory),107
Olson,Frank,172
opennesstoexperience
andegodissolution,316n
longtermchangesin,74,319–20
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,135,137,222,252
opiates,212,369n
Osmond,Humphry
ambitionsof,194
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
andHubbard,168–69,170,174,200
andHuxley,160,174
andLeary,198–99,198n
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,148–52,170
andmescaline,146–47
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,163,169,207
and“psychedelics”term,160,162–63
and“psychodelytic”term,199
andpsychotomimeticmodel,162,169
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
androleofenvironment,151
schizophreniaresearchof,146–47
Ott,Jonathan,25,101,103
overdosingwithpsychedelics,14
overvieweffect,359–60,366,375,380,389
Pahnke,Walter
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,80–81,191–92
onmodesofconsciousness,409n
andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282
andRichards,53,54–55
atSpringGrove,57,218
paranoia,310

passivityofmysticalexperiences,72
peakexperiences,Maslow’sconceptof,49,55
perceptionsandsenses,308–9
PersontoPersonCBSnewsprogram,113
personalitydisorders,56
petrochemicalwaste,mycoremediationof,88
peyote,17,27,368,404,405.Seealsomescaline
pharmaceuticalcompanies,400
phase3trialsforpsychedelics,397,400
phenomenology,42,149
ThePhilosophicalBaby(Gopnik),325
placeboeffect,347,368,382
placebo-controlleddouble-blindtrials,208
platitudes,251
Plotkin,Mark,107
Plowman,Tim,107
politicaleffectsofpsychedelics,315
pollution,mycoremediationof,88
posteriorcingulatecortex(PCC),322,387–88,391–93
post-traumaticstressdisorder(PTSD),18,36–37
prayer,306
predictivecodingbybrain,307–8,310,311,321,325
Previn,André,156
primates’consumptionofmushrooms,97–98,123
problemsolving
high/lowtemperaturesearchesin,325–27
impactofLSDon,179,182
andrewiringofbrain,318–19
protocolsforpsychedelicuse,valueof,214–15
psilocin
andanimals’mushroomconsumption,123
Hofmann’sisolationof,113
andmaterialistperspective,135
measuring,102
andmushroomidentification,95,119
inmycelium,122
PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies(Stamets),101
Psilocybes
author’searlyexperiencewith,5–6
andAztecs,2
consumedbyanimals,93,98,122–23
evolutionaryfunctionofpsilocybinin,84,121–24
as“fleshofthegods,”2,83,109
habitatsof,93–94,101
identificationof,94–96
LatinAmericansourcesof,101
legalpenaltiesforpossessionof,118
andmushroomconferences,102–3
NativeAmericans’useof,2,83,107
newspeciesidentified,86,101–2

P.azurescens,86,92,94,117–21,128–34
inPacificNorthwest,102
andPollan’sazurescensexperience,128–37,161–62
sacramentaluseof,2,93,107,109,112
searchingfor,117–21
and’shrooms(term),92
speciesof,93
Stamets’simagesof,115
andStonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
suppressionof,2,59,108–9
Wasson’srediscoveryof,59,101
psilocybin
arrivalof,intheWest,1,2
andCIA’spsychedelicresearch,113n
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n
discoveryof,83
effectof,onbrainactivity,300–301
evolutionaryfunctionof,84,121–24
andGinsberg,193–94,205
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,80–81,191
atHarvard(seeHarvardPsilocybinProject)
Hofmann’sisolationof,113
atHopkins(seeJohnHopkins’spsychedelicresearch)
andhumanevolution,116
JohnHopkins’slandmarkpaperon,10–11
Leary’sintroductionto,187–88
materialist/nonmaterialistparadoxof,85
andmysticalexperiences,10–11
andpharmaceuticalcompanies,400
andphase3trialsapproval,397
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,254–72,284
receptorsfor,293
andrewiringofbrain,317,318–19
Schusteronresearchpotentialof,51
andsecondwaveofresearch,79,333
andSpringGrove’sresearch,218
andStamets’smessengertheory,124–25
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
syntheticversionof,83–84,113
astryptamine,291–92
Seealsomushrooms
“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonal
MeaningandSpiritualSignificance”(Griffiths,Richards,McCann,Jesse),10–11,29–30
PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld(Stamets),86
PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered(GrinspoonandBakalar),194
ThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide(Fadiman),229
psychedelicjourneysofPollan
andcardiacconcerns,235–37,244–45,245n
andlanguageofmysticism,285–87
withLSD,237–54

andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282–84
withpsilocybin,254–72,284
recapsandreflectionson,250–54,269–72,281–84
andsearchforaguide,231–35
as“spiritual”experience,288–90
withTheToad(5-MeO-DMT),272–90
PsychedelicPsychiatry(Dyck),146n
PsychedelicScience2017,397
psychedelictherapy
as“appliedmysticism,”207
andaspirationsofproponents,173
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,78,401,404
andCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,233
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158–59
criticismsandchallengesfacedby,207–8
andegodissolution,389–90
emergenceofparadigm,160,163–64,169–71,207
andestablishedpsychiatricfield,207
atfrontierofspiritualityandscience,334
futureof,400–405
growingrecognitionof,399
andHubbard,160,164,169–70,171,207
keyroleofexperiencein,149,169
andlowrisks,210
andprevioustheoreticalmodels,207
andprimingpatients,169–70
protocolsandagreementsof,215,226–27
and“psychedelic-assistedtherapy”term,365,399
rangeofdisordersaddressedby,382–83
asrebootofsystem,366,384,389
resultsof,368–69
andreturnofsymptoms,380–81
revivalof,369
roleofenvironmentin,163–64,169–70,207–8,365
roleoftherapistin,365–66,368(seealsoguides)
shamanism’srolein,334
spiritualtrappingsof,207
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,158–59,170
visualimageryin,365–66
Seealsoaddiction;cancerpatientresearch;depression
“psychedelics”term,18–19,144–45,160,162–63
psychiatryfield,207–8,211,400
psychoanalysis,149,155,207,296–97,311
psycholyticmodel,154–57,207
psychosis
andentropicbraintheory,313,385
panicreactionsmistakenfor,210
psychoticbreaks,3,14,209,211
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145,150–51,154,162
andrisksassociatedwithpsychedelics,14,233

psychotherapy,2–3,186,351,369,406
psychotomimeticmodel,145–50
andCIA’spsychedelicresearch,172
andCohen,153–54
andestablishedpsychiatricfield,207
andOsmond,162,169
andpsychiatrists’criticismsofpsychedelictherapy,208
andSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50
quantummechanics,413–14
Raichle,Marcus,301,303
RamDass,203,205,360.SeealsoAlpert,Richard
Rank,Otto,155
ratparkexperiment,372–73
RealmsoftheHumanUnconscious(Grof),297
recidivismatConcordStatePrisonexperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
“recreational”druguse,38,228,399,400
religion
anddruguseinreligiouspractices,27–28
fanaticism/fundamentalismin,81
originsofreligiousbelief,55–56,85,106,111–12
andsuppressionofpsychoactiveplants,2,109
Seealsospirituality
ReligiousFreedomRestorationActof1993,27
renaissanceofpsychedelics
andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,11,29–30
andHofmann’s100thbirthdaycelebration/symposium,21–22,26–27
andsecondwaveofresearch,3–4
andUDVcourtcase,27–28
researchonpsychedelics,firstwave,138–218
andaspirationsofproponents,173,212–13
badtripsin,152
challengesfacedby,144
congressionalhearingson,217
andcounterculture,215
endof,59–60,216–17
andexpectancyeffects,143–44
andexuberanceofresearchers,144,212–13
federalmonitoringof,166
federalrestrictionson,197
federalsupportfor,57–58
fundingfor,57
GoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,80–81,191–92
andguides,200
hubsofresearch,153
initiatedbySandoz’sDelysiddistribution,143
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,43–44,177–80,198,217,228
Jesse’sinterestin,44–46

Leary’simpacton,9,185–86,190,198–99,212,219–20
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,148–52
andmethodologicalissues,152,208
andmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics,185,205
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,157–58,197
andpsycholyticmodel,154–57
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–50
researchers’consumptionofdrugs,146,148,189,195,208
reunionoffiguresin(1979),218–20
atSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50
skepticismtoward,144
atSpringGrovefacilities,52,56–58,59,218
structuredapproaches/protocolsof,214–15
suppressionof,44,57–58,60,141–42,332
andterminalpatients,338–40
volumeandscopeof,44–45,141–42
SeealsoCentralIntelligenceAgency(CIA);HarvardPsilocybinProject
researchonpsychedelics,secondwave
absenceofadverseeventsin,14–15
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,78,401,404
challengesfacedby,333–34
andcountercultureofthesixties,84
criticsof,76
andCSPwebsite,43
anddiscoveriesoffirst-waveresearch,332
andexuberanceofresearchers,26–27,381,382
FDAprotocolson,48
federalsanctioningof,48
andHofmann’s100thbirthdaycelebration/symposium,21–22,26–27
Jesse’srolein,34–35
andmethodologicalissues,333–34
andphase3trialsforpsychedelics,397,400
replicationofGoodFridayexperiment,192
roleofscientificoutsidersin,34–35
withsyntheticpsilocybin,83–84
andundergroundtherapists,227
Seealsocancerpatientresearch
Rheingold,Howard,183
Richards,Bill
onauthenticityquestions,347
asbridgebetweenfirst/seconderas,52–53
flightinstructionspreparedby,63,72
andJesse,52,53
andPahnke,53,54–55
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60–61
psychedelicexperiencesof,53–55
atSpringGrove,52,56–58,218
andterminalpatients,339
riskybehaviorsofpeopleonpsychedelics,14
riteofpassage,psychedelictripsas,3,216,246

ritualsforpsychedelics,404
Roberts,JohnG.,27
RomanCatholicChurch,2,109
Romanticscientists,126–28
Ross,Stephen
onalcoholism,369–70
andnewrespectabilityofresearch,350
onresultswithcancerpatients,336
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
onsuppressionofresearch,141–42,332
rotatingfacemasktest,261–63,267,308
Rouiller,Ian,379
rumination,313,329,353,377–78,383
Russell,Bertrand,355
Russulamushroom,119
Sabina,María
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,261,317
andWasson,110,112,113–14,114n
sacraments,psychedelicusedas,2,27–28,83,93,107–9,112
Sahagún,Bernardinode,108
Samorini,Giorgio,123–24
Sandozpharmaceuticalfirm
creationofLSD-25,1–2,22–23
distributionofLSD-25(Delysid),142–43,148,152,176
andHubbard,167,170
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–46
withdrawalofDelysid,143,216–17
SaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50.SeealsoHoffer,Abram;Osmond,Humphry
Savage,Charles,177
schizophrenia
andemergenceofneurochemistryfield,146–47
andLSDastriggerofpsychoticbreaks,209–10
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–46,162
androtatingfacemasktest,262
andSpringGrove’sresearch,218
Schultes,RichardEvans,107
Schuster,Charles“Bob,”30,34,49–50
Schwartz,Peter,181–82,183
science
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158–59
asameanstomysticalexperience,77–78,81
methodologicalstandardsin,208
andmysticism-scienceparadox,347–48
andnature’smysteries,12
andRomanticscientists,126–28
andspirituality,30–31,73–74,80,174–75,207,334
andtestimonyofindividuals,42
andvalidationofmysticalexperiences,347–48

TheSecretChief(Zeff),225
sensesandperceptions,308–9
sensorydeprivation,306
serotonin,24,147,292,314n
setandsetting,14,53,151,190,207–8
shamanism,84,170,214–15,334,348
’shrooms(term),92
Shulgin,Ann,44,102
Shulgin,Sasha,44,102,236,237
sideeffectsofpsychedelics,210
SiliconValley,44,175–83
Skinner,B.F.,149
Slater,Toby,330
Smith,Huston
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,49
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45
onGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,80–81
andJesse,44,49
onspirituality,136,402
Smith,RobertEllis,196
smokingcessation,78,360–64
Smythies,John,146
socialmedia,304
Sokel,Karin,71
Solomon,Andrew,383
Spanishsuppressionofpsychoactivemushrooms,59–60,108
spirituality
andegodissolution,390
andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10–11,29–30
andmodernmedicine,334
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,288–90
androleofguides,402
andscience,30–31,73–74,80,174–75,207,334
stateof,136
sports,306
SpringGrovehospitalandresearchcenter,52,56–58,59,218
Stace,W.T.,282
Stamets,Paul
advocacyforfungi,87–90
backgroundof,87,98–100
onevolutionaryfunctionofpsilocybin,121
expertiseinmycology,86,99,127
fieldguidesof,86,92
FungiPerfectioperationof,86n,126
andHofmann,97,103
homeof,96–97
honorsaccordedto,91–92
onhumanevolution,115–16
huntingformushrooms,117–21
andimagesofPsilocybes,115

andMcKenna,116
andmushroomconferences,102–3
onmushroomidentification,94–95
mushroomstoneartifactsof,114–15
MyceliumRunning,88,90
mycologicaltheoriesof,124–26,136
newspeciesidentifiedby,86
andP.azurescens,86,92,118,120–21,129
PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies,101
PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld,86
asRomanticscientist,126–28
and’shrooms(term),92
andStonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
StanfordResearchInstitute(SRI),180–82
StanfordUniversity,44,180
Stanley,Owsley,III,181n
Steindl-Rast,David,49
stigmasofpsychedelicdrugs,104
Stolaroff,Myron
backgroundof,175–76
careerpivotof,44,177,206n
andguides,230
andHubbard,168,177
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS),177
andJesse,44,46
andLeary,198,199,200–201
psychedelicexperiencesof,176
andpsychedelicsinSiliconValley,176–77
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
andundergroundtherapists,227
andZeff,225,227
StonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
Strassman,Rick,48
subconscious,155
subjectivity,305–6,413
suggestibilityofpsychedelics
andattributionsofmeaning,354
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158
andexpectationsofusers,25
andHopkins’spsilocybinresearch,64
andHubbard,170
andplaceboeffect,347
suicides,3,210,211,335,388
Summergrad,Paul,398,401,403
synesthesia,115–16,145,317
talkingtherapy,155
technologicaladvances,183–84
Tennyson,Alfred,Lord,287

teonanácatl(sacredmushroomoftheAztecs),2,107
terminalpatients,78–79,338–40.Seealsocancerpatientresearch
thalidomidetragedy,197,208
timetravel,mentalfacultyof,387
Time-Lifepublications,104
Toad.See5-MeO-DMT(theToad)
toleranceforpsychedelics,14,299
“TomorrowNeverKnows”(Beatles),143
toxicityofpsychedelics,lowlevelsof,50
trances,242–44
transiencyofmysticalexperiences,71–72
travelmetaphorsforpsychedelicexperiences,15
treesandmycelialnetworks,91,91n,118
trepanation,298
True:TheMan’sMagazine,113
truths,revelationsof,70,251,305–6
tryptamines,291–92
Turner,Brian,65–66,73–74
UDVcourtcase,27–28,43,49
UniversityofCalifornia,LosAngeles,8,37,152–53
UniversityofNewMexico,369
U.S.FoodandDrugAdministration(FDA)
andapprovalofStrassman’strial,48
depressionstudiesrequestedby,375–76
andHubbard’sclinicalresearch,167
andphase3trialsapprovals,397
andpotentialreschedulingofpsychedelics,36,397
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60
regulationofexperimentaldrugs,146,197
researchapprovalsrevokedby,217–18
andthalidomidetragedy,197
U.S.SupremeCourt,27–28
TheVarietiesofReligiousExperience(James),69
VietnamWar,139,206,215–16
virtualreality,183
visualizingthoughts,365–66
Vogt,Walter,22
Vollenweider,Franz,293,301,320,334,384
Wallace,DavidFoster,388
Wasson,R.Gordon
criticsof,112
fieldnotebooksof,110–11
andHubbard,170
Lifemagazinearticleof,2,103–9,113
andmushroomconferences,103
Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,114n

andmushroomsfromsouthernMexico,2,59,101,110–14,114n
andoriginsofreligiousbelief,106,111–12
preconceivedtheoriesof,112
psychedelicexperiencesof,110–12
Watts,Rosalind,377,379,380,381
Weathermen,204
Weil,Andrew
onactiveplacebos,159
anddismissalsofLearyandAlpert,201–3
andmushroomconferences,102
TheNaturalMind,159
andSchultes,107
andToad(5-MeO-DMT),274
andtreatmentofbadtrips,210
well-being,improvementsin,74,254,285
Whitman,Walt,194,286
WholeEarthNetwork,182,183
Wilson,Bill,141,152–53,369
Wilson,E.O.,80
wisdom,321
Wit,Harrietde,30–31
wonder,16,135,136
Wordsworth,William,285
Wright,Curtis,48
Yensen,Richard,218
Yoder,Norman,209n
youthculture,25
Zeff,Leo,225–27,230,236,252
Zen,73

AbouttheAuthor

MICHAELPOLLANistheauthorofsevenpreviousbooks,including

Cooked,FoodRules,InDefenseofFood,TheOmnivore’sDilemma,and

TheBotanyofDesire,allofwhichwereNewYorkTimesbestsellers.A

longtimecontributortoTheNewYorkTimesMagazine,healsoteaches

writingatHarvardandtheUniversityofCalifornia,Berkeley,whereheis

theJohnS.andJamesL.KnightProfessorofJournalism.In2010,Time

magazinenamedhiminitslistoftheonehundredmostinfluential

peopleintheworld.

*TheInuitappeartobetheexceptionthatprovestherule,butonlybecausenothingpsychoactive

growswheretheylive.(Atleastnotyet.)

*DavidJ.Nutt,DrugsWithouttheHotAir:MinimisingtheHarmsofLegalandIllegalDrugs

(Cambridge,U.K.:UIT,2012).Thisiswhypeople“microdosing”onpsychedelicsnevertakethem

onconsecutivedays.

*TheresaM.Carbonaroetal.,“SurveyStudyofChallengingExperiencesAfterIngesting

PsilocybinMushrooms:AcuteandEnduringPositiveandNegativeConsequences,”Journalof

Psychopharmacology(2016):1268–78.Thesurveyfoundthat7.6percentofrespondentssought

treatmentfor“oneormorepsychologicalsymptomstheyattributedtotheirchallengingpsilocybin

experience.”

*Technically,amushroomisthe“fruitingbody”ofafungus—itsreproductiveorgan.Thinkof

mushroomsastheapplesonatreethatgrowsentirelyunderground.Mostofthefungalorganism

existsbelowground,intheformofmycelia—thetypicallywhitecobwebbysingle-cell-wide

filamentsthatextendthroughthesoil.Butbecauseitishardtoobserveandstudythesedelicate

subterraneanstructures—theycan’tbeunearthedwithoutbreaking—wetendtofocusonthe

mushroomswecansee,eventhoughtheyarejustthetipofakindoffungaliceberg.

*Pronouncedsill-OSS-a-bee.

*Complicatingmatters,StametsfirstnamedhissonforthebluishcolorthatPsilocybesturn,then

namedthebluestofPsilocybesafterhisson.

*Since1984,StametshasrunaverysuccessfulcompanycalledFungiPerfecti,whichsells

medicinalmushroomsupplements,spores,andgrowingkitsforediblemushrooms,aswellas

variousothermushroom-relatedparaphernalia.

*ScientistsattheUniversityofBritishColumbia(UBC)injectedfirtreeswithradioactivecarbon

isotopes,thenfollowedthespreadoftheisotopesthroughtheforestcommunityusingavarietyof

sensingmethods,includingaGeigercounter.Withinafewdays,storesoftheradioactivecarbon

hadbeenroutedfromtreetotree.Everytreeinaplotthirtymeterssquarewasconnectedtothe

network;theoldesttreesfunctionedashubs,somewithasmanyasforty-sevenconnections.The

diagramoftheforestnetworkresembledamapoftheInternet.Inwhatissurelyatipofthehatto

Stamets,apaperbyoneoftheUBCscientistsdubbeditthe“wood-wideweb.”

*TheWassonseitherdismissedoroverlookedasomewhatsimplerexplanation:thatpowerful

feelingsandacultofmysterycouldbeexpectedtogatherarounda“plant”that,dependingon

knowledgeandcontext,couldeithernourishanddelightorleadtoanagonizingdeath.

*Onanotherreturntrip,WassonwasjoinedbyJamesMoore,whohadintroducedhimselfasa

chemistforapharmaceuticalcompany.ButMoorewasreallyaCIAagenteagertoobtain

psilocybinfortheagency’sownpsychedelicresearchprogram,MK-Ultra.

*WassonwashalfheartedinhisdesiretoprotectMaríaSabina’sidentity.Thesameweekthatthe

Lifearticleappeared,heself-publishedabook,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,inwhichhe

retoldherstorybutneglectedtodisguisehername.

*Theauthorsconcludedthat“hallucinogenicplantsalterperceptioninhuntingdogsby

diminishingextraneoussignalsandbyenhancingsensoryperception(mostlikelyolfaction)thatis

directlyinvolvedinthedetectionandcaptureofgame.”BradleyC.BennettandRocíoAlarcón,

“HuntingandHallucinogens:TheUsePsychoactiveandOtherPlantstoImprovetheHunting

AbilityofDogs,”JournalofEthnopharmacology171(2015):171–83.

*BecausepossessionofLSDwouldn’tbeafederalcrimeuntil1968,thegovernmentoftenhadto

relyonmarijuanaprosecutionswhenmovingagainstpeopleinthecounterculture.

*Osmond’sstory,andtherichCanadianhistoryofpsychedelicresearch,iswelltoldinErika

Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry:LSDfromClinictoCampus(Baltimore:JohnsHopkinsUniversity

Press,2008).

*DuncanC.BlewettandNickChwelos,HandbookfortheTherapeuticUseofLysergicAcid

Diethlylamide-25:IndividualandGroupProcedures(1959),http://www.maps.org/research-

archive/ritesofpassage/lsdhandbook.pdf.BlewettandChwelosdrewheavilyonOsmondand

Hoffer’scasereportsfortheirmanual.

*SeeespeciallyMartinA.LeeandBruceShlain,AcidDreams:TheCompleteSocialHistoryof

LSD(NewYork:GrovePress,1992),andJayStevens,StormingHeaven:LSDandtheAmerican

Dream(NewYork:GrovePress,1987).

*Hubbardtreasureda1957letterhereceivedfromaMonsignorBrownmajorinVancouver

endorsinghiswork:“Wethereforeapproachthestudyofthesepsychedelicsandtheirinfluenceon

themindofmananxioustodiscoverwhateverattributestheypossess,respectfullyevaluating

theirproperplaceintheDivineEconomy.”

*Hubbard’snameappearsonasinglescientificpaper,writtenwithhiscolleaguesatHollywood

Hospital:“TheUseofLSD-25intheTreatmentofAlcoholismandOtherPsychiatricProblems,”

QuarterlyJournalofStudiesonAlcohol22(March1961):34–45.

*SidneyGottlieb,theCIAofficerinchargeofMK-Ultra,wouldtestifytoCongressthatitsgoalwas

“toinvestigatewhetherandhowitwaspossibletomodifyanindividual’sbehaviorbycovert

means.”WewouldknowmoreaboutMK-UltrahadGottliebnotdestroyedmostoftheprogram’s

recordsontheordersoftheCIAdirectorRichardHelms.

*DuringhisLSDsession,Engelbartinventeda“tinkletoy”totoilettrainchildren,oratleastboys:

awaterwheelfloatinginatoiletthatcouldbepoweredbyastreamofurine.Hewentonto

considerablymoresignificantaccomplishments,includingthecomputermouse,thegraphical

computerinterface,textediting,hypertext,networkedcomputers,e-mail,andvideoconferencing,

allofwhichhedemonstratedinalegendary“motherofalldemos”inSanFranciscoin1968.

*Hubbardhatedtheideaofstreetacidandthecounterculture’suseofit.AccordingtoDonAllen,

heplayedaroleinatleastonebustofanimportantundergroundLSDchemistin1967.Hubbard

sentDonAllentoameetingtoposeasaCanadianbuyerlookingtopurchase“pureLSD”froma

BayAreagroupthatincludedthenotoriousLSDchemist(andGratefulDeadsoundengineer)

OwsleyStanleyIII.FederalagentstailedthepeopleatthemeetingbacktoStanleyandhislabin

Orinda,California;duringthebust,theyreportedlyfound350,000dosesofLSD.

*Thetwobestaccountsofthecounterculture’s(anditschemicals’)influenceonthecomputer

revolutionareFredTurner’sFromCounterculturetoCyberculture:StewartBrand,theWhole

EarthNetwork,andtheRiseofDigitalUtopianism(Chicago:UniversityofChicagoPress,2006)

andJohnMarkoff’sWhattheDormouseSaid:HowtheSixtiesCountercultureShapedthe

PersonalComputerIndustry(NewYork:PenguinBooks,2005).

*LearywroteinFlashbacksthathewasinitiallyfrightenedtotakepsilocybininaprisonwith

violentcriminals.Whenheconfessedhisfeartooneoftheprisoners,theinmateadmittedhewas

afraidtoo.“Whyareyouafraidofme?”Learyasked,puzzled.“I’mafraidofyou’causeyou’rea

fuckingmadscientist.”

*Ina1992lettertoBettyEisner,HumphryOsmondwrote,“WherebothAl[Hubbard]andAldous

[Huxley]disagreedwithTimothyLearywasthattheybelievedthathehadgotthetimescale

wrong,andthattheUShadamuchgreaterinertiathanhesupposed.Theybothbelievedforquite

differentreasonsthatworkinginconspicuouslybutdeterminedlywithinthesystemcould

transformitinthelongrun.Timothybelievedthatitcouldbetakenbystorm.”

*InDonLattin,TheHarvardPsychedelicClub(NewYork:HarperOne,2010),94.

*OnecouldarguethattheLSDdropoutproblembeganbackinthe1950s,whensuccessful

engineerslikeMyronStolaroff,WillisHarman,andDonAllenleftAmpexandStanfordtotunein

topsychedelics.

*Severaloftheseurbanlegendshavebeentracedtotheirsourceanddiscredited.Forexample,a

1967NewsweekstoryaboutsixcollegestudentstrippingonLSDwhowentblindafterstaringinto

thesunturnedouttobeahoaxconcoctedbyPennsylvania’sstatecommissionerfortheblind,Dr.

NormanYoder.Accordingtothegovernor,whodisclosedthehoax,Yoderhad“attendedalecture

ontheuseofLSDbychildrenandbecameconcernedandemotionallyinvolved.”Yetonce

introducedintotheculture,theseurbanlegendssurviveand,onoccasion,goontobecome“true”

whenpeopletrippingonLSDareinspiredtoimitatethem,ashashappenedinthecaseofthe

staring-into-the-sunstory.SeeDavidPrestiandJeromeBeck,“StrychnineandOtherEnduring

Myths:ExpertandUserFolkloreSurroundingLSD,”inPsychoactiveSacramentals:Essayson

EntheogensandReligion,ed.ThomasB.Roberts(SanFrancisco:CouncilonSpiritualPractices,

2001).

*Therearequotationsinthispiecethatshouldhavesetoffanyeditor’sbullshitdetector.“When

myhusbandandIwanttotakeatriptogether,”saysthepsychedelicmotheroffour,“Ijustputa

littleacidinthekids’orangejuiceinthemorningandletthemspendthedayfreakingoutinthe

woods.”

*OriginallypublishedinHarvardReview(Summer1963)andreprintedinTimothyLearyand

JamesPenner,TimothyLeary,TheHarvardYears:EarlyWritingsonLSDandPsilocybinwith

RichardAlpert,HustonSmith,RalphMetzner,andOthers(Rochester,Vt.:ParkStreetPress,

2014).Theparagraphalsoappearsinthetranscriptofa1966Senatehearingonfederalregulation

ofLSDbytheSenateSubcommitteeonExecutiveReorganization,p.141.

*AversionoftheguidelinescanalsobefoundinJamesFadiman’sbookThePsychedelic

Explorer’sGuide:Safe,Therapeutic,andSacredJourneys(Rochester,Vt.:ParkStreetPress,

2011).

*Isubsequentlylearnedthathyperventilation,whichplaysaroleinbreathwork,changestheCO2

levelsoftheblood,whichinturncanaltertherhythmsoftheheartinsomepeople.WhatI

assumedwasaphysiologicallybenignalternativetoMDMAturnsouttobenothingofthekind;

evenwithoutadrug,itispossibletochangeone’sbloodchemistryinwaysthatcanaffectheart

rhythms.

*Familyconstellationtherapy,whichwasfoundedbyaGermantherapistnamedBertHellinger,

focusesonthehiddenroleofancestorsinshapingourlivesandworkstohelpusmakepeacewith

theseghostlikepresences.

*HenriMichaux,acontemporaryofHuxley’swhoalsowroteabouthispsychedelicexperiences,

tookaverydifferenttact,refusingtheofferofmetaphortomakesenseofsomethinghebelieved

wasbeyondcomprehension.InhisbookMiserableMiracle,heaimedtobe“attentivetowhat’s

goingon—asitis—withouttryingtodeformitandimagineitotherwiseinordertomakeitmore

interestingtome.”Orsensibletohisreaders:thebookisintermittentlybrilliantbutforlong

stretchesunreadable.“Ihadnolongeranyauthorityoverwords.Inolongerknewhowtomanage

them.Farewelltowriting!”Iknowwhathemeans,butI’veelectedtoresist,evenifthatmeans

toleratingsomemeasureofdeformationinmyaccount.

*Specifically,ItooktheRevisedMysticalExperienceQuestionnaire,orMEQ30.

*“Kelson”isanauticaltermforastructuralmemberinthehullofaboat.

*Oratleastfifty-fiveyears,becauseIthinkyoungchildrenhavereadyaccesstothesekindsof

experiences,aswewillseeinthenextchapter.

*Inhis2012book,DrugsWithouttheHotAir,Nuttwritesthat“psychedelicsoverallareamong

thesafestdrugsweknowof...It’svirtuallyimpossibletodiefromanoverdoseofthem;they

causenophysicalharm;andifanythingthey’reanti-addictive”(254).

*Thekeystructuresmakingupthedefaultmodenetworkarethemedialprefrontalcortex,the

posteriorcingulatecortex,theinferiorparietallobule,thelateraltemporalcortex,thedorsal

medialprefrontalcortex,andthehippocampusformation.SeeRandyL.Buckner,JessicaR.

Andrews-Hanna,andDanielL.Schacter,“TheBrain’sDefaultNetwork,”AnnalsoftheNewYork

AcademyofSciences1124,no.1(2008).Whileneuroimagingindicatesstronglinksbetweenthese

structures,theconceptofthedefaultmodenetworkremainsnewandisstillnotuniversally

accepted.

*It’simportanttokeepinmindthelimitationsoffMRIandotherneuroimagingtechnologies.

Mostofthemmeasurenotbrainactivitydirectlybutproxiesofit,suchasbloodflowandoxygen

consumption.Theyalsodependoncomplexsoftwaretotranslatefaintsignalsintodramatic

images,softwaretheaccuracyofwhichcriticshaverecentlyquestioned.Inmyexperience,brain

scientistswhoworkwithanimalstheycaninsertprobesintoaredismissiveoffMRI,whilebrain

scientistswhoworkwithhumansacceptitasthebesttoolavailable.

*I’musingthetermsmoreorlessinterchangeablyhere.However,theego,beingclosely

associatedwithFreud’smodelofthemind,impliesaconstructthatstandsinadynamic

relationshiptootherpartsofthemind,suchastheunconscious,orid,actingonbehalfoftheself.

*It’sworthnotingthatthesefindingsseemtobeatoddswithAmandaFeilding’sinitial

hypothesisthatpsychedelicsworkbyincreasingbloodflowtothebrain.

*DavidNuttandAmandaFeildingarecoauthors.

*BrewerhassincemovedtotheUniversityofMassachusettsMedicalSchool,wherehe’sthe

directorofresearchattheCenterforMindfulness.

*Exactlyhowpsychedelicsaccomplishthis,neurochemically,isstilluncertain,butsomeof

Carhart-Harris’sresearchpointstoaplausiblemechanism.Becauseoftheiraffinitywiththe

serotonin2Areceptors,psychedeliccompoundscauseasetofneuronsinthecortex(“layerfive

pyramidalneurons,”tobeexact)thatarerichinthesereceptorstofireinsuchawayasto

desynchronizetheusualoscillationsofthebrain.Carhart-Harrislikenstheseoscillations,which

helptoorganizebrainactivity,tothesynchronizedclappingofanaudience.Whenafewwayward

individualsclapoutoforder,theapplausebecomeslessrhythmicandmorechaotic.Similarly,the

excitationofthesecorticalneuronsappearstodisruptoscillationsinaparticularfrequency—the

alphawaves—thathavebeencorrelatedwithactivityinthedefaultmodenetworkand,specifically,

inself-reflection.

*Thisresearchwaspublishedin2017:MatthewM.Nouretal.,“Psychedelics,Personality,and

PoliticalPerspectives,”JournalofPsychoactiveDrugs.“Egodissolutionexperiencedduringa

participant’s‘mostintense’psychedelicexperiencepositivelypredictedliberalpoliticalviews,

opennessandnaturerelatedness,andnegativelypredictedauthoritarianpoliticalviews.”

*ThepanelwasrecordedandisavailableonYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=v2VzRMevUXg.

*Asinthecaseofmanydrugs,theSSRIantidepressantsintroducedinthe1980sweremuchmore

effectivewhentheywerenew,probablyowingtotheplaceboeffect.Today,theyperformonly

slightlybetterthanaplacebo.

*Thestatistical“effectsize”oftheseresults—atorabove1.0formostoftheoutcomemeasures

usedinbothtrials—isremarkableforapsychiatrictreatment.Asacomparison,whentheSSRI

antidepressantshadtheirfirstclinicaltrials,theeffectsizewasonly0.3—whichwasgoodenough

forthemtobeapproved.

*Afewcriticalvoiceswereheard.InapairofblogpostsonPLOS,JamesCoyneraisedseveral

methodologicalobjectionshavingtodowiththesizeandcompositionofthepatientgroup,the

reliabilityofthediagnoses,theplacebocontrol,theblinding,andthetheoreticalassumptions:

“Sincewhenareexistential/spiritualwell-beingissuespsychiatric?”

http://blogs.plos.org/mindthebrain/2016/12/14/psilocybin-as-a-treatment-for-cancer-patients-

who-are-not-depressed-the-nyu-study/.

*SeveraloftheNYUtherapistsreferredmetothewritingofViktorE.Frankl,theViennese

psychoanalystandtheauthorofMan’sSearchforMeaning.Frankl,whosurvivedbothAuschwitz

andDachau,believedthatthecrucialhumandriveisnotforpleasure,ashisteacherFreud

maintained,orpower,asAlfredAdlermaintained,butmeaning.FranklconcurswithNietzsche,

whowrote,“HewhohasaWhytoliveforcanbearalmostanyHow.”

*KatrinH.Prelleretal.,“TheFabricofMeaningandSubjectiveEffectsinLSD-InducedStates

DependonSerotonin2AReceptorActivation,”CurrentBiology27,no.3(2017):451–57.The

workwasdoneinFranzVollenweider’slab.Whentheserotonin5-HT

receptorswereblocked

withadrug(ketanserin),“theLSD-inducedattributionofpersonalrelevancetopreviously

meaninglessstimuli”wasalsoblocked,leadingtheauthorstoconcludethatthesereceptorsplaya

roleinthegenerationandattributionofpersonalmeaning.

*Theexperiencewouldshapehispost-NASAwork:theformerengineerestablishedtheInstitute

ofNoeticSciencestostudyconsciousnessandparanormalphenomena.

*“Ahumanbeingisapartofthewholecalledbyus‘Universe,’apartlimitedintimeandspace.

Heexperienceshimself,histhoughtsandfeelingassomethingseparatedfromtherest—akindof

opticaldelusionofhisconsciousness.Thisdelusionisakindofprisonforus,restrictingustoour

personaldesiresandtoaffectionforafewpersonsnearesttous.Ourtaskmustbetofree

ourselvesfromthisprisonbywideningourcircleofcompassiontoembracealllivingcreatures

andthewholeofnatureinitsbeauty.”(WalterSullivan,“TheEinsteinPapers:AManofMany

Parts,”TheNewYorkTimes,March29,1972.)

*QuotedinCharlesS.Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens:WhatHaveWeLearned?,”

HeffterReviewofPsychedelicResearch1(1998).

*Ibogaine,apsychedelicderivedfromtherootofanAfricanshrub,isbeingusedundergroundas

wellasinclinicsinMexicototreatopiateaddiction;ayahuascahasalsobeenreportedtobe

helpfulbreakingaddictions.

*Asforthethreevolunteerswhoreceivednobenefit,theyhadmildorunremarkablesessions.

ThismightbebecausetheywerestillonSSRIs,whichmayblocktheeffectsofpsychedelics,or

becausesomefractionofthepopulationsimplydoesn’trespondtothedrugs.TheHopkinsteam,

too,hasoccasionallyseencasesof“dudtrips”thatleavepeopleunaffected.

*Byme,asithappened.“TheTripTreatment,”NewYorker,Feb.9,2015.

*ThisishowFreudunderstooddepression,whichhecalledmelancholia:afterthelossofan

objectofdesire,theegosplitsintwo,withonepartpunishingtheother,whichhastakentheplace

ofthelostloveinourattentions.Inhisview,depressionisamisplacedformofrevengeforaloss,

retributionthathasbeenmisdirectedattheself.

*TomInsel,whoafterleavingtheNIMHwenttoworkforGoogle’slifesciencesubsidiary,Verily,

beforejoiningamentalhealthstart-upcalledMindstrongHealth,toldmethattherearenow

algorithmsthatcanreliablydiagnosedepressionbasedonthefrequencyandcontextofone’suse

ofthefirst-personpronoun.

*Oratleastpeoplewhocanaffordit.Oneadvantageofmedicalizingpsychedelictherapyisthatit

wouldpresumablybeaccessibletoeveryonewithhealthinsurance.

*HerecountstheseexperiencesinhisbookShrinks:TheUntoldStoryofPsychiatry(NewYork:

Little,Brown,2015),190–93.

*Idon’tdismissthepossibilitytheymaycomefromsomewhereelse,butwillconfinemyselfhere

tothemoreparsimoniousexplanation.

*Ina1969essayintheHarvardTheologicalReview,WalterPahnkedescribedseveraldistinct

modesofpsychedelicconsciousness,includingonehetermed“thecognitivepsychedelic

experience.”Thisis“characterizedbyastonishinglylucidthought.Problemscanbeseenfroma

novelperspective,andtheinnerrelationshipsofmanylevelsordimensionscanbeseenallat

once.Thecreativeexperiencemayhavesomethingincommonwiththiskindofpsychedelic

experience,butsuchapossibilitymustawaittheresultoffutureinvestigation.”

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